As always, if you're not supposed to be here, please leave. In other words, if men kissing,
fucking, or doing anything remotely sexual offends, disgusts, or angers you then you should get
out of here. This story includes sex between two men. But it is at heart, a love story. Plenty of
sap, romance, and professions of love. So be warned. This work is copyrighted and may not be
used without explicit permission from the author.
This was a long time coming. I just want to send a note of thanks out there to the countless
readers who e-mailed me, prodded me, complained and encouraged. I hope it was worth the
It's also the longest chapter I think I've ever written. Which is kind of ironic since I'd really
planned for this to be kind of like a filler. I just couldn't stop writing I guess. I hope it's good.
So anyway... enjoy.
Comments, suggestions, complaints are all appreciated and encouraged at email@example.com.
Much thanks to Ron. This story wouldn't what it is if it weren't for his editing skills.
"It's okay David."
I was dreaming.
I had to be dreaming.
"It will always be okay."
Either I was dreaming or I'd lost the few ounces of sanity I had left.
I opened my eyes slowly, afraid to look around, afraid that of what I'd found.
Secretly, I'll admit, I was excited.
It was the first dream I'd had in a long time that I could hear, so vividly, his voice.
Since he died, I'd had dreams of him every night, without fail.
Sometimes I'd dream of our happy times - our wedding, honeymoon, vacations.
He'd be smiling or laughing usually.
I loved those dreams. They transported me, if only for mere seconds or minutes, to a world that I
loved, a world that I cherished, one that I wished I could have again.
Even the sad ones. Being in the hospital room with him. Holding his hands, reading to him,
crying. The beep of the machines, the smell of the room.
They were real, so palpable.
They certainly weren't the most pleasant of dreams, but still I always looked forward to even
them. Because as hard as those last few months were, as sad as they had been, they were still
filled with so much love.
It was in those last months that I learned the true meaning of love from another human being.
I heard a noise in the hallway, like feet on the floor. I could hear the creaking of the old wood.
I assumed it was Mikey as I saw my bedroom door swing open.
I heard a whisper in the dark.
I smiled. "What are you doing sneaking around my apartment this late?"
Greggy flipped the light switch and smiled at me.
He was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. I'd seen him naked countless times in the past. He
had an incredible body. Though he spent every possible moment he could in the gym. That
certainly had something to do with it.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
He shrugged as he plopped down in the chair near the window.
"I was just thinking."
I smiled. "You were just thinking at..." I looked over at the clock, "... two o'clock in the
He laughed. "Well... it's when I do my best thinking."
I propped myself up against the headboard. "What's the matter?"
"It doesn't feel right?" he said, suddenly, out of the blue.
I shook my head, confused. "What doesn't feel right?"
He stood up and placed his hands on his hips. "Matt... I just... I don't know."
I raised my eyebrows. "Is something the matter with Matt? You told me that everything was
going good. I thought..."
"I don't want to be happy..." he hung his head, "I... I don't wanna be happy if you're not."
It made sense now. His pouting lately. The bad moods. His depressed looks.
I smiled at him.
It was one of those incredibly humbling moments. Probably one of the most touching of my life.
"Come here." I said softly.
I could tell Greggy was embarrassed. That was something I wasn't used to either.
His face was crimson. "I'm sorry. I just..."
I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Come here." I told him again, more
He walked over as I stood up.
I pulled him to me, into a bone crushing hug. "I love you so much. I hope you know that." A few
tears fell down my face. "You were there for me through it all." I pulled back and faced him, our
foreheads touching. "You made sure I ate when I didn't want to. You made sure I took showers
when I smelled like yesterday's garbage. You made me laugh when I didn't think I'd see the light
at the end of the tunnel."
He busted out laughing. "That last line was corny. Even for you."
I laughed and pulled him into a headlock.
"Ow..." he said between laughs, "... stop that."
I finally gave in and showed some mercy. "Serves you right."
He smiled. "For what?"
"For coming in here at this hour and scaring the shit out of me."
He laughed softly. "I'm sorry."
I sat down on the bed and motioned for him to sit down next to me.
I sighed. "I should be the one apologizing."
I shrugged. "I hate that people feel that way around me. I just..."
Greggy touched my shoulder. "You don't have to apologize David. I just don't want to get too
serious with Matt. I... I don't want it to seem like I'm rubbing it..."
I held up my hands. "Stop right there." I looked directly in his eyes. "Listen to me when I say
this. I don't ever want to hear you put my happiness before yours. It's not fair to you."
He smiled. "I just... you've always been there for me."
I laughed. "And you haven't for me?" I asked him incredulously. "I meant everything I said
before. If it weren't for you I..." I shrugged, "... I don't know what I would have done." I sighed.
"I've got some shit I gotta deal with it. That's all. I... I don't think anyone can help me right
now." I smiled. "I wish someone could."
He laughed softly.
"You can't make me love again Greggy." I said softly. "But that doesn't mean you can't. You
deserve Matt. And he deserves you." I smiled. "God. You're like the best friend in the whole
He smiled. "I try." He shuffled on the bed. "I'm sorry for making an ass..."
I shushed him. "No more apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. You have no idea what
you've just done for me."
We both yawned at the same time.
I laughed. "Wanna crash here?"
He smiled. "Sure."
I crawled back up the bed and lay down, Greggy laid next to me.
I smiled and patted his ass. "Night dumpling."
He laughed softly and within minutes was sound asleep.
I smiled to myself as I lay there.
If Greggy was willing to do that for me, than maybe Jack was worth taking that plunge that I so
desperately didn't want to take.
Hell, I myself knew that Jack was worth it.
I looked up. "Sammy, babe. I don't know if what you said pertained to this." I smiled. "But
I blew a kiss up towards the air.
"Night. I love you baby."
Chapter Twelve - Hold Me
It's you that I run to, whenever I need to
Darling, you console me, when trouble surrounds me
When bad times have found me
Just reach out your arms and hold me, hold me
Lights glared. Music pulsed. The room smelled like alcohol. Shirtless, almost naked, men
gyrated throughout the bar.
It was like an episode of "Queer as Folk."
I've never been much into the club scene. Maybe a little bit in my younger days. But I've never
been much of a dancer myself. And after three drinks, I'll pretty much do anything you tell me
to. So I steered clear of the clubs and such.
Isabel would take me a few times. Gay men always tended to gravitate towards her. Her
brashness, her outlandishness, her bluntness. And then when they found out she works for Dolce
& Gabbana, they all wanted to be her new best friend. She loved it though. Gave her some sort
of high. A power trip of sorts, I guess.
I sipped my drink as I watched her, Greggy and my husband dancing along to a disco remix of
Dolly's fabulous little ditty "Baby I'm Burnin'."
I couldn't help but smile.
Time had flown by. So many things had happened in a year. A little more than a year really.
They say that time flies by as you get older. I never really did believe that.
Standing there though, I realized just how true that statement could be.
Sammy had had his surgery. After several more rounds of chemo and radiation, and a very good
therapist, my husband had finally rebounded. He was more vibrant, happier, more content
than he'd ever been. I couldn't have been happier about that.
Greggy was still Greggy - in all his flaming glory. He hadn't met the man of his dreams yet but
he was still actively searching.
And then there was Isabel. She'd been hit the hardest this time around.
After Sammy's ordeal had died down and he was technically in remission, she finally broke
the news to everybody that she was pregnant.
It was odd because I'd never pictured my sister with children. She was always good with kids of
course. But she also always said that she "loved kids... as long as they were somebody else's."
But with her pregnancy and her newfound love, she just positively glowed.
Noah Graham was a great guy. The perfect man for my sister actually. He was smart and
incredibly sexy. A successful professor at Fordham University, he knew everything about
everything. Not in a know it all kind of way though. He also came from a family of nine, so most
of all, the man knew how to stand up for himself.
And that was an incredibly important aspect when you're dating Isabel Stanton.
They'd gotten married exactly three months after they'd started seeing each other. I wondered for
a split second if maybe they were doing it just because she was pregnant. But then I thought of
my sister. There was no way that she would marry someone just because she was carrying his
child. She was an independent girl, to say the least, and she could have most definitely had the
baby on her own. She married Noah because she was in love.
"There you are."
I felt someone grab my shoulder.
I turned around and smiled.
"I was just thinking bout ya." I said, smiling.
My brother in law laughed. "Good thoughts I hope."
I nodded and he motioned for the bar tender.
"I didn't think you'd make it." I said.
He smiled. "Neither did I. But I finished up all my paperwork. And I needed a break." He turned
to the cute bartender. "I will have..." he cocked his head back and forth thinking, "... a Manhattan
and this fine looking fella over her will have another Stoli and Pineapple."
I laughed. "Trying to ply me with liquor and take advantage of me?"
He threw his head back in laughter.
"I have my eyes on one Stanton tonight and I'm afraid to say that it isn't you." He smiled. "Not
that you aren't a hot potato or anything like that."
"A hot potato?" I asked, amused.
"Oh shut up."
He retrieved our drinks from the bar and we made our way to a little table on the side.
He plopped himself down on the stool.
"How is he?" He asked.
He always asked me about Sammy. It was one of the things I admired and loved about this man.
He was always worried about other people. From the minute that he joined our ragtag group, he
fit in perfectly. And he took a liking to Sammy right away.
He told me once that he reminded him of his older brother. Apparently, he had admitted to the
family that he was gay when he was nineteen and Noah's parents kicked him out of the house.
He lost touch with him and never was able to find him after that.
I smiled. "Good. He just went for a check-up and everything looks good. Matt said that the all
the tests came back clean."
He sipped his drank. "That's fantastic."
I turned to look at him. "And how is she?"
Noah sighed. "Alright. She has good days and bad ones."
I shook my head. "She won't talk to me. About it I mean. She never brings it up."
He placed his hand over mine. "Give her time David. She's just trying to be strong for everyone
and she hasn't had time to break down yet."
I nodded. "I know. But that can't possibly be good for her. I mean... she lost her baby for Christ's
sake. I just wish she'd let me help..." I stopped myself. "No. You're there for her. That's what
He smiled. "You can be there for her too David. I promise you. She'll come around. She just
needs some time to process things."
I shook my head in agreement. "I just... She was there for me when Sammy was sick and I
wanna be able to help her. I want to be there for her like she was for me."
"But ya are David, ya are." He said, smiling.
I laughed. "Don't do Bette Davis in here. Then you're just asking for some queen to pick you
He laughed. "My wife wouldn't like that."
I nodded. "I think not."
Just then, the song ended and my sweaty husband and his posse retreated back to our table.
Sammy took a gulp of my drink. He was a little tipsy. That was all right though.
He kissed me sloppily on the cheek, from behind. "I'm gettin' old."
I laughed. "Nah. Ya ain't old baby."
He smiled. "You're dancing with me before we leave."
Greggy laughed. "I think you'd have a better chance of seeing God."
"I agree." My sister chimed in.
"Hey." I said, trying to defend myself. "I dance..."
"Not well." Isabel said, interrupting me.
My man came to my rescue though. "He dances just fine."
I turned around and pecked him on the lips. "Thanks baby."
Isabel smiled. "You're just saying that cause you wanna get in his pants later on tonight."
Greggy laughed. "Is that all you have to do to get into someone's pants? Compliment their
dancing? Wish you would have told me that sooner."
He looked over at Noah.
My brother in law didn't miss a beat though.
"Don't you dare compliment my dancing."
The hot water felt so good as it pelted my body.
I always loved taking showers in the morning. It often took me quite awhile to wake up, not to
mention three pots of coffee. But a shower usually did a good job of getting me there.
I stepped out and began to towel off. I glanced down at the toilet and found a pair of boxer shorts
waiting for me. I smiled. That man thinks of everything.
I pulled them on as I made my way back into our bedroom.
Sammy was standing in front of the full length mirror, appraising his stomach. The scar had
gotten a lot better. It was still noticeable, of course, but it wasn't as ghoulish looking as it was
when he'd first had the surgery.
It was, however, still something that bothered him.
I smiled and walked over to him, pulling him against me.
He laughed. "You smell good."
"I just took a shower. I'm supposed to smell good."
Sammy buried his face in the crook of my neck. "You always smell good."
"Awww. Thank you. You don't smell so bad yourself." I bit at his earlobe. "You'd smell better if
you would have gotten in the shower with me like I wanted."
He smiled. "It wouldn't have been a quick shower then." I could hear the smile in his voice
when he talked as I rubbed lazy circles on his chest.
I shrugged. "So I'd be a little late. The kids can wait."
He looked at me through the mirror. "I don't want you to go to work." he said, poutingly.
I spun him around and pulled him in for a kiss. "I'll only be gone for a little while."
"I know." He laughed. "I'm such a whiner."
I smiled. "That's okay. I like you whiney."
He smirked. "No you don't."
I pulled him closer to me, if that was even humanly possible. He nuzzled my face.
"I like you any way." I said, smiling. "I like you when you're happy, I like you when you're tired.
You do that cute little yawn when you're tired. You look like a puppy when you yawn like that."
He chuckled and his body vibrated against mine as he laughed.
He looked up at me. "Wanna go shopping for Thanksgiving tonight?"
I smiled. "Sure." I said, getting an evil idea.
He smiled. "Good."
I pushed him gently backwards toward the bed.
He raised his eyebrows. "You're supposed to be getting..." he fell on the bed with a thump, "...
I pounced gently on top of him. "I will." I said as my mouth traveled to his left nipple.
He laughed. "Doesn't look like you're making any effort."
I let my tongue travel farther down his belly. I looked up at him. "You want effort? I'll give ya
effort." I worked my tongue around his nipple, feeling it harden in my mouth.
I looked up at him and he had his head propped up with his arms grinning down at me.
I laughed. "Whatcha smiling at?"
He giggled. "You're so good at that."
I reached down and grabbed at his already hard cock. "I've had lots and lots of practice."
He pulled my face up for a kiss. "You don't have time." he said, nipping at my ear playfully.
I groaned. "You're shooting me down."
Sammy laughed. He pulled my face down for another kiss. "Nope. I'm just taking a rain check."
I smiled. "Alright." I pushed myself up. "But..." I fondled his semi hard member, "... me and this
guy have a hot date later on tonight."
He smiled. "He'll be waiting with anticipation." He looked up at me. "I love you."
I winked at him. "Not nearly as much as I love you babe."
I looked up from desk.
Your very typical All American jock who did absolutely no work and just assumed that he'd be
passed because of his popularity and status.
I smiled curtly. "What can I do for you Mr. Kent?"
I loved using their last names. Gave me some sort of type of power trip I guess. I was the boss.
And yes, I do realize how twisted that sounds. What can I say?
He shoved his hands in his pocket. "Well... I was just wondering if I... well if I could talk to you
for a second."
I nodded. "Go ahead."
He looked nervous. "You mind if I shut the door?"
I shrugged. "Umm... why not?"
He walked over to the classroom door and quietly closed it.
I looked over at him. "Have a seat."
As he plopped himself down in a desk, I removed my reading glasses and stood up. I walked
around my desk and sat on the edge.
"Is everything..." I began. But he didn't let me finish.
"I'm gay." He said it so low I wasn't exactly sure of what I'd heard. He lowered his head and said
it again, this time with a little more urgency in his voice.
"Okay." I said cautiously.
He looked back up at me, this time with tears in his eyes. "I don't know why I'm telling you... I
just... I guess I needed to tell someone... you're always the most compassionate about other
things... so I figured... well... I don't know."
He stood up to leave, but not before I stepped in front of his huge body to stop him.
"Wait." I placed my hands on his shoulders. "I'm going to tell you something that... well it's a
rather big secret."
He looked up at me with those sad, lost eyes and nearly ripped my heart out. "What?"
I smiled. "Welcome to the club." I said, trying to inject some humor into the situation.
He looked at me confused for a few seconds before I think the penny actually dropped. "You
I nodded. "Oh yeah. I am too." I rethought what I said. "I'm gay too. It's important to say that
word. Gay. You shouldn't be ashamed of that."
He wiped a few stray tears from his face and looked at me. "I can't believe... I mean I never
would have thought... you aren't... you know... you don't act gay."
I laughed. "Well neither do you. Doesn't mean we aren't. Just means we're a little more butch." I
said, pounding my chest lightly.
He laughed, finally.
I sat back against my desk. "Listen to me. I'm proud of you for coming to me with this. It takes a
very brave guy to come out like that. Especially at your age. I'm not exactly sure what I can do
for you right now except be there to listen." I shook my head. "Now, obviously I'm still your
teacher so we can't exactly be friends." I laughed. "Plus who wants to be friends with their
"But..." I continued, "... I can still listen if you ever need to talk about something."
He smiled. "Thanks Mr. Stanton... I just... I didn't know what to expect when I told you. I know
you don't really like me..."
I opened my mouth to correct him but he held his hands up.
"Not that you should," he said smiling, "I'm not the most likeable person these days."
I smiled. "Well I myself think you're a pretty likeable guy Jonathon."
He laughed. "Thanks."
At that moment, there was a knock on my classroom door.
I smiled, remembering who was coming to pick me up today. Talk about kismet.
"Would you get that for me?" I asked him.
He walked over to the door and opened it and soon enough, a cute little boy sprinted towards me
at full speed.
I scooped Mikey up in my arms and blew a big, noisy raspberry on his neck.
He giggled with delight. "That tickles."
I knocked my head gently against his. "Well that's the point bud."
He giggled some more and buried his head in my own neck, trying to imitate what I just did. It
worked a little though I'll admit, his raspberry was a little sloppier than mine.
I looked over at Sammy, smiling brightly.
"Hey babe." I said softly.
He raised his eyebrows and looked between me and Jonathon.
Jonathon giggled, as did I.
I walked over to close the door again.
"Jonathon," I said turning around, "I want you to meet my husband Sam." I could swear I saw
Sammy's face turn about seventeen different shades of red. "Babe," I said motioning to my man,
"this is Jonathon Kent."
Sammy held out his hand and Jonathon shook it.
"It's really great to meet you." He told Sammy, a little more enthusiastically than one would
expect from a big, burly jock.
"What about me?" came a little voice in my ear.
I laughed and looked down at Mikey. "How could I forget?" I said, in an over exaggerated tone.
"This..." I said, spinning him around, "... is the cutest little boy in the whole wide world." I
kissed the top of Mikey's head and looked down at him. "What's your name again?"
He took offense to this. Seven year olds can be so testy. "Mikey." he said, glaring at me.
I slapped my head lightly. "Mikey. That's it."
He giggled this time, throwing his head back in laughter. "You're funny Daddy."
I laughed. "Try convincing my students that."
Mikey turned to Jonathon. "Do you think my Daddy's funny?"
I loved this kid.
I looked over to my student. "Watch what you say there."
He smiled and pinched Mikey's cheek. "He sure is." He looked at his watch. "Sh... oops," he said
goofily, "I gotta get to practice." He smiled at me. I knew that smile. It was filled with relief.
"Thank you." he said quietly.
I nodded. "Not a problem." I tussled his hair. "And remember what I said." I put Mikey down
and pulled Jonathon into a bear hug. "I'm always here to listen."
He laughed. "He's a hottie." he whispered in my ear.
I smiled. "Don't I know it." I pulled back and winked at Sammy. "I got lucky."
Jonathon smiled brightly. "You did." He shook Mikey's hand. "Good to meet ya little bud."
Mikey smiled. "You're strong."
Jonathon laughed. "Thanks." He walked over to Sammy. "Nice to meet you too."
Sammy smiled and pulled him into a hug too.
God. How I loved my two guys.
Jonathon left and closed the door behind him and Mikey went about drawing a masterpiece on
"So..." Sammy said, sitting down in a desk, "... why did I just hug that kid?"
I smiled. "He's gay."
He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
I laughed. "Yep."
"Well," he said smiling, "I'm gonna have to get me some better gaydar."
I smiled. "What do you need gaydar for? Ya got me."
He winked at me. "I sure do." He smiled brightly. "So I know I promised ya a raincheck tonight
but could we just do some Thanksgiving shopping first?"
"Well," I said slyly, "sure. But it'll cost ya."
He grinned. "Just what will it cost me?"
I walked over to him and bent down to kiss him softly. "Ya gotta be my sex slave forever and
He laughed. "You got yourself a deal buddy."
"Umm... do you think we really need a twenty three pound turkey babe?"
Sammy laughed as he placed the huge bird in the bottom of the shopping cart.
"We're having your parents, Is and Noah, Greggy, Matt, Mikey, you and me." He seemed to
think of something. "Maybe this one isn't big enough."
I grabbed his hand before he could reach into the wagon. "It's big enough."
He smiled goofily. "I'm sorry." He shrugged. "I'm just excited is all. We've never done
Thanksgiving at our place before."
I nodded. "You don't have to apologize babe. I just don't know where we're gonna store all this
He laughed. "Not to worry. Greggy's refrigerator is quite empty."
I smiled. "That's because he's always eating with us."
"I know," he said laughing, "for once it'll come in handy."
I smiled as he resumed his shopping.
He leaned over to look at something. I don't know what it was. Cheese I think. Didn't really
matter what it was though. I just liked looking at him.
He still fascinated me. After all these years. Things he did, expressions he made, his little facial
tics. One would think I'd tire of them but that was not the case at all.
I appreciated them more and more as time went on.
The way that he'd brush his hair back whenever he was reading something. It wasn't long or
unruly. And it never covered his eyes. But he still did it anyway. He'd run his fingers through the
curly brown locks and for seconds they'd be mussed. But then, as soon as he'd bring his hand
down, they'd go right back to the way they were before. And minutes later, he'd bring his hand
back up, running his long fingers through the locks once more.
He was doing it now, as he read the label of something.
"If you don't stop staring at me like that, people are gonna think you're stalking me." he said
without even looking up.
I laughed. "How'd ya know I was staring?"
Sammy smiled. "I know all," he said, flashing me his gorgeous blue eyes. He giggled. "Plus
you're looking at me like you wanna eat me for dinner or something."
I leaned over the cart and smiled. "Who says I don't?"
He laughed and then leaned over so that his mouth was near my ear. "When we get home, I'm all
yours babe," he whispered seductively, "over easy." He nipped my ear playfully.
I laughed out loud. "That's just the way I like ya." I looked into his eyes. "Gimme a kiss."
He raised his eyebrows. "Here?"
I nodded. "Yeah here." I looked around the store, which was practically empty. "Come on you
big sissy. Kiss me."
He laughed. "Sissy? I'll give you sissy."
He leaned over and pressed his soft lifts to mine.
It wasn't a dueling tongues kind of kiss. Wasn't a sloppy, porn kiss. It was just a sweet kiss. Our
lips touched for just a moment and the electricity, the fire was still there.
"Awww." I heard from behind us.
Sammy broke the kiss and straightened up quick.
He looked behind me and suddenly he smiled. "You bastard."
I turned around to see who he was referring to and found Matt, standing there with a shit eating
grin on his face.
"That was just too cute for words." he said, faking tears.
I smiled. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just wait mister. When you find that person, you'll be sickening
Matt grinned. "From your mouth to God's ears." He walked over and gave me a hug. "So..." he
said snooping around the cart, "whatcha buying?"
I laughed. "Apparently enough food to last for days."
I got a punch in the shoulder for that.
"Owww." I said, over exaggerating, as always.
Matt looked at Sammy. "What should I bring? I make a mean pecan pie. My mother's recipe."
Sammy nodded. "That sounds great. You sure you have time?"
Matt smiled. "Of course. Plus baking relaxes me." He laughed. "You can't kill a pie."
Sammy threw his head back with laughter. "David can."
For that, my smart aleck husband got a little punch.
"Hmmm. Yes. Right there."
I was panting. Sammy was panting. The room was hot and steamy. And it smelled like someone
had just shot about ten loads in there.
I thrust into him even harder and he moaned louder and louder.
"Oh yes. Right there." Moan. "Keep that up." Louder moan. "Right fucking there." Banshee
I laughed and looked down at him. "You better keep it down. One of the neighbor's is gonna
think someone is being murdered and call the cops."
He smiled. "Sorry. Can't help it." Moan. "I just love the way that cock feels inside of me."
I smiled. "Well when you put it like that."
Sammy laughed. "You could mute the sounds a little." He said, coyly.
"Hmm..." I said nonchalantly, "... just how exactly would I do that."
He smiled and without hesitation, pulled my face down to meet his as he sucked my tongue in
I just kept thrusting faster and faster into his tight ass.
We broke the kiss and I kept my face down near his, nibbling at his jaw line while he continued
"Hmmm." he moaned. "I'm gonna cum."
I smiled and snaked my hand down over his taut stomach, tickling his treasure trail as I went.
I grabbed hold of his rock hard, leaking cock.
"You gonna cum for me?" I asked as I slowly stroked him.
His eyes rolled back and his moans got louder, if that was even possible.
I smiled. "I'm gonna cum too. Deep inside of you. Ya want that?" I asked playfully.
He grinned through gritted teeth. "Oh yeah."
I quickened my thrusts in him and kept furiously stroking.
He was panting. "I'm..." pant "... almost..." pant, "... there."
I leaned down and nipped his ear. "Cum for me baby." I said softly in his ear.
That put him over the edge. Suddenly, volley after volley of hot, sticky cum shot into my hand.
I looked down at Sammy and smiled. I loved that face he made when he'd climax. His lips would
curl into a slight smile and his eyebrows would arch up. I thought he looked beautiful.
I thrust faster inside of him now and he brought my cum stained fingers to his mouth and licked,
seductively I might add, his essence off.
He smiled at me while he was doing it. He knew that alone would get me off.
And it did. Good lord it did.
"Fuckkkkk." I finally screamed as I erupted inside of him.
Sated and more than pleased, I collapsed on top of him, laying my head on his shoulder.
"Come here." he said softly.
I smiled and lifted my head.
He was smiling at me. "I love you." he said, that smile never leaving his face.
I laughed. "I kinda like you."
He had already closed his eyes, probably expecting me to say "I love you" back and kiss him.
I laughed again, but what made it even funnier was when his eyes opened again, surprised at
what I said.
He smiled, skillfully flipped me over and began tickling me, taking absolutely no mercy.
"Stop." I pleaded, through tears.
He just kept tickling me though. "Say I'm the best husband in the whole wide world."
I laughed. "You're the best husband in the whole wide world."
He smiled. "Say you love me more than life itself."
"I love you more than life itself."
He finally stopped. "Okay..." he said, pouting, "... I guess you're forgiven."
I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him passionately.
When we finally came up for air, he looked down at me, breathless.
"Okay." he said smiling, "You're definitely forgiven."
I love Thanksgiving.
For obvious reasons, of course. There's the food. And the Macy's Parade. And it is the official
start to the Christmas season.
But I also adore the holiday for other reasons. The corny reasons I guess. Just being together
with family. That, to me, is what makes the holidays special.
I finished buttoning up my shirt and gave myself a once over in the mirror.
As I was fixing bottom cuff of my pants, I heard a loud whistle come from the bedroom
I turned around and smiled.
"You don't look half bad yourself." I said, smiling at my sister.
She grinned. "Why thank you." She walked in and sat down on the bed.
I plopped down next to her. "So how's my favorite sister in the whole wide world?"
She laughed. "Flattery will get you everywhere David."
I smiled. "How are you?" I asked, a little more seriously than I probably should have.
She looked over at me. "I'm okay." She sighed. "I know you were mad at me when I didn't come
I shook my head. "I was never mad at you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I smiled.
"Noah did a good job at taking care of you I'm sure."
She smiled. "We're almost as sickening as you two are nowadays."
"Well, I'm not sure anyone could be more sickening than Sammy and me. But you sure the hell
are getting there."
She laughed, putting her head down. When she brought it back up, there were tears in her eyes.
I pulled her to me. She rested her head on my shoulder.
"It still hurts David." she said softly. "I don't know when it'll stop hurting."
I rubbed her back through the silk material of her blouse. "Every day. Every day it'll get a little
Isabel looked up at me and smiled. "We had names picked out."
She smiled. "Yeah. Samantha for a girl. David for a boy."
I smiled, genuinely touched. I pulled her to me again. "I love you. You know that right?"
She nodded. "I love ya too ya big old queen." She pulled back and wiped her eyes. "I must look
like shit." she said, standing up and walking over to the mirror.
"You look beautiful." I said, getting up and standing behind her.
She smiled at me through the mirror. "God, we look alike."
I placed my hands on her shoulders. "We're both gorgeous. We can't help it."
She laughed. "I'm gonna go touch up my make up."
"Okay." I let her go.
She walked towards the door but turned back and smiled. "And if you tell anybody about my
little crying scene in here, I'll just have to tell them all about the time I came home and caught
you making out with your pillow."
I chucked my shoe at her, but she was already out the door.
Dinner was wonderful.
Sammy had made most of it. The turkey, potatoes, two kinds of stuffing. Not to mention
homemade cranberry sauce and some mighty tasty yams. And, of course, his signature corn
My mother did some stuff too. Mostly desert stuff. And Matt made his famous pecan pie.
Greggy, who couldn't cook a lick, brought wine.
I smiled. We had such a good time. We always had a good time whenever we were all together.
Right now, though, Sammy and I had left everyone back at the apartment and decided to take a
It was a cold night. Snow was falling lightly. It wasn't a blizzard or anything like that, but rather
just some flurries here and there.
But it was beautiful. Like some sort of Norman Rockwell painting.
The sky had that orangish glow it gets on a cold, snowy night.
It was relatively quiet too, for New York City anyway.
I sighed with content as we walked through the park, hand in hand. I smiled to myself,
wondering if life could get any better. Wondering if maybe, for once, just once, God had looked
down upon us and decided, "Why not give them a break."
I glanced over at Sammy. He had that same content look on his face.
"I love you." I said quietly, the corny smile still not leaving my face.
He looked at me with that same smile, that same look of love. "Longer than always David." He
squeezed my hand. "Wanna sit over there?" he asked, motioning to a bench a couple a feet away
I nodded and we walked over. I did my best to brush the snow off that had accumulated but we
were bound to get wet either way.
We both plopped down on the bench, sitting as close together as possible.
No talk was really needed. We were just comfortable with each other. We didn't need much
I massaged Sammy's hand through his glove and closed my eyes.
"I wanna tell you something babe."
I opened my eyes. "Okay."
He cleared his throat. He looked nervous.
That, of course, got my radar up. I never liked when he was nervous about telling me something.
"It's back David."
I think I knew that those words were coming. Deep down inside of me, I did know. It was in my
subconscious, always eating away at me. At Sammy too.
It was like this little voice inside of you. It was low and unassuming. But it was also always
there, nagging, picking, taunting.
I looked over at my husband. His face remained calm.
He grabbed my hand. "I wasn't feeling well last week so I went in... I went in for some tests
and..." a tear fell down his cheek, "... they found some things." He shook his head. "Please
David. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't..."
I pulled him to me before he could finish. "Shhh." I kissed his forehead as he cried on my
shoulder. "I'm not mad at you baby. I could never be mad at you."
I was certainly mad at that point, but not at Sammy. I was angry with the world. Angry with
God. I was angry with myself for not seeing the signs. Had he been nauseous? Was he eating
right? Did his color look okay?
He looked up at me and sniffled. "I don't know why it keeps happening to me... I didn't... I don't
know why." He wiped his face off and shook his head, as if shaking off the feeling he had. He
stood up and plunged his hands in his pockets. "It's cold out here."
I walked up behind him and wrapped him up in my arms. I kissed the back of his neck.
We stood there in silence for what must have been twenty minutes before he broke it. Both of us
just thinking about things.
I didn't really know what to think, honestly. I wanted to be optimistic and say that everything
was going to be alright. I wanted to reassure him and tell him that I'd never let anything happen
to him. I wanted to make him understand just how much I loved him, cherished him, adored him.
"There was so much more I wanted to do." he said, breaking me from my reverie.
I shook my head. "You can still do it all. We weathered it the first time..."
He turned around to face me and brought his finger to my lips. "I don't wanna fight it this time
My eyes shot up and my radar went off. "What do you mean?"
He sighed. "It's advanced David. It's too... it'll be too much chemo and radiation and more
I pulled him to me, more harshly than I planned on. "So you'll get them. I'll be there for you the
whole time. I'll always be there." I was practically pleading with him.
He smiled sadly. "David. I don't want to go through it all again. All the pain and the pills and
nausea. I don't want to drink my dinner or not be able to read Mikey a story because I could fall
asleep at any time."
Tears formed in my eyes as I was comprehending what my husband was telling me.
"But Sammy, baby, please. You can't give up... you can't... you're the strongest person I know."
He smiled. "You gave me that David... you gave me everything I have today." He laid his head
down on my shoulder. "When I came here, I was sad and depressed and scared out of my wits. I
had no idea what I would do. I'd never been to New York before. Never been in a big city. I was
afraid of who I was. I was afraid of who I wanted to be." He smiled sadly. "I was afraid of
everything." He looked up at me and kissed the tears from my face. "Don't cry."
I was still a bit in shock though, myself. "But you... you can't..."
"I don't want to be sad or angry anymore David." he said, interrupting me again, "I just want
whatever time left I have here to be filled with love. To be filled with love and kindness and
laughter. No tears, no sorrow, no moping." He turned around and looked over the park. "From
the moment we wake up in the morning until the minute we close our eyes at night." He turned
around to look at me. "I just want that time to be full of you. Holding me, kissing me, making
love to me. I want you David. You and Mikey. And Greggy and Is and Noah. Your parents.
Matt. I want the people closest and most special to me."
I pulled him closer to me, burying my face in his shoulder, trying to fight back the tears that I
knew were coming.
"I'm not afraid David. I don't have to be. Not when I know you'll be there. To love me along that
way. No matter how much time I have left." He lifted my head. "Promise me you'll be there to
I swallowed the lump in my throat and choked back the tears that were nearing.
"Promise?" he asked again, begging me this time.
I smiled, through my tears, through my sorrow, through my frustration.
"Longer than always."
"It looks crooked."
I smiled. "I'll give you crooked in bed later."
Sammy laughed and continued strumming his guitar.
Mikey was sitting on the floor, munching on a candy cane and watching the end of "Mickey's
Christmas Carol" with Fred lying at his feet.
Just a typical night in our house.
I fixed the ornament again and turned to Sammy.
"Good." he said, smiling.
I laughed. "Glad ya think so." I looked over at Mikey. "Bud. I think it's just about that time."
He looked over at me and his eyes shot up in surprise. "Already?" he asked, pouting.
I smiled. "Yes already." I switched the TV off.
I could tell he was getting ready to flip on the waterworks. "But..."
I held my hands up. "But... remember what we said."
He looked over at Sammy, expecting an ally. But he just nodded along, agreeing with me.
Mikey looked like he was defeated. "Okay. I guess." Then he did it. He used his little secret
weapon. He made that sad little face that could melt anyone's heart.
I looked over at Sammy who was smiling.
"Okay..." I said, "... how about ten more minutes?"
"Only ten?" my little con artist son asked.
Sammy looked over at him. "Don't push it buddo."
Mikey rolled over and giggled in delight. This, of course, caused Fred to rouse from his slumber
and overtake the room with his hyper energy.
I plopped down next to Sammy.
He smiled. "Thinking."
I frowned. "I thought we both promised we weren't gonna do too much of that."
"Good thoughts David." he said smiling, "I meant what I said." He ran his finger down my face.
"Remember that first Christmas?"
I smiled. I did.
He laughed. "You were like a little kid with all those gifts you bought me. It took me hours to
open all of them."
I pulled him to me so that our faces were touching. "You were worth every penny, babe." I
leaned in for a kiss. "Every..." kiss, "... single..." kiss, "...one."
He looked up at me, his face a little tear stained. "I love you."
I smiled. "That feeling is so mutual babe." I wiped the tears from his face. "Sing me something."
I said, in attempt to try and lighten the mood a little bit.
He laughed. "You're so good at that."
He smiled. "Making me feel better." He kissed me lightly. "You always make me feel better."
I took his hand in mine. "That's my job." I kissed him again, softly, loving the taste of his lips on
mine. Loving what he did to me when he kissed me. How he could so many things to my mind,
my body, my soul. All with just a kiss. A little kiss.
He pulled back and looked at me. "Whatcha wanna hear?"
I laughed. "Somethin' Dolly."
"Hmmm..." he said, feigning shock, "... I think I know one or two of those." He smiled again and
started to strum his guitar.
Mikey waked over to me, yawning, and sat down in my lap.
Sammy smiled and after a few seconds, his soft, sweet voice filled the room.
Take my hand, take my heart
Take my whole life too
Take your time, take my love
It's good and pure and true
The gift of love is hard to find
I've searched my whole life through
God above has smiled on us
Each Christmas I've got you
Tis' the season to be jolly
How could I feel blue
My gift to you, my gift of love
All wrapped up in you
In ribbons bright, of joy and light
In bows of hope and true
Bound and tied, this gift for life
And all wrapped up in you
I'm all wrapped up in you
Tis' the season to be jolly
How could I feel blue
My gift to you, my gift of love
All wrapped up in you
I'm all wrapped up in you
Needless to say, by the end of this song I was a blubbering mess.
Sammy smiled and wiped the tears from my face. He winked at me. "No tears babe." He pointed
towards his head.
"Happy thoughts babe." he said, smiling, "Only happy ones."
"I'm not tired."
I smiled. "I know bud. But we talked about this. You gotta get some rest."
He pouted. "Billy Johnson said that there was no such thing as Santa."
I smiled. I knew this was coming. He was at that age.
"Well then Billy Johnson isn't getting anything for Christmas."
"Is there really a Santa, Daddy?" His eyes sparkled.
There was still so much hope in those eyes. So much innocence. He wanted to believe.
I smiled, tears starting to form in my eyes. "There is bud. He's magical."
He did that to me all the time. His youthfulness, his innocence. I loved that. I loved the purity of
it. This was our boy, this sweet child was a little person that we had a hand in raising. He might
not have been our biological son but that never seemed to matter.
Mikey smiled. I loved that smile. It was an exact clone of Sammy's. "I believe in him Daddy."
I bent down and kissed him on the cheek. "I know you do. That's why he's gonna leave you lots
and lots of presents."
At that point the little boy part of him took over. "Really?" he asked, enthusiastically.
I laughed. "Really. But you have to sleep a little."
He yawned. "Okay. But only for a little while."
I nodded. "Only a little."
He looked up at me. Those big blue eyes brimming with love. "Night Daddy. I love you."
I smiled. "I love you too son."
I walked back towards the living room smiling to myself. That's what he always did to me, for
me really. That kid was able to make me feel good even on the darkest days, during the darkest
times. Some of which, I knew, would lie ahead.
Entering the room, I stopped and savored what I saw.
There, on the couch, was my Sammy.
He looked... well he just looked so peaceful lying there, angelic really. I know that sounds corny
and cliched but that's the first thought that came to my mind.
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas..."
Judy Garland was singing in the background
"... let your heart be light..."
I walked over to the couch where he was lying, sleeping peacefully.
It amazed me, all the time, the feelings I'd feel every time I looked at this man. Even after all this
time, I still got butterflies in my stomach when I'd see him. He made me happy, made me
nervous, still, made me horny even. All the normal emotions that seem to fade over time with
someone who's been in your life for so long.
My feelings for Sammy never dimmed though. If anything, they just continued to shine brighter.
He still excited me. He still made me feel like a high schooler on their first date. Made me feel as
though my life had just begun. He still did all of those things to me.
I lifted his legs up gently and sat down on the couch, trying my best not to wake him. He stirred
and smiled slightly, murmuring something I couldn't quite make out.
I leaned my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes.
"... next year all our troubles will be out of sight..."
I sighed, wishing that that were true.
Things were going to get worse. Of that I was most positively sure. Deep down I did truly realize
what the inevitable outcome would be.
We both did.
We both knew that by opting to not have the chemo and the radiation and all the treatments, that
time would go quickly.
Quicker, I know, than I wanted. Than either of us wanted.
Hell, to me, sixty years wouldn't be enough time. I wanted that. Always did. I wanted to live
with my husband. Grow old together. Live in the country. Go antiquing. I wanted to do all of
those things. I had so many more dreams that I wanted to see come true for us.
I'd decided in college that I'd always settle. My looks, my weight, my grades. I'd settle because I
never wanted to fight for anything more. I never had a passion for wanting more. Average
always seemed to be okay for me.
Not when it came to love though.
For some strange reason, I promised myself I'd never settle for average when it came to love.
I wanted the love of a lifetime. I wanted fireworks and rainbows and the sweeping score to
"Casablanca." I wanted lingering kisses brimming with passion and desire.
I wanted it all and more.
The funny part is, and the thing I never really counted on, I found it.
Seven years ago I found my soul mate. The man who I wanted to love for the rest of my life. The
man who gave me what I'd spent countless hours, days, years looking for. The man who gave me
the love I so desperately needed, wanted.
I looked over at him now, his lips curled into a slight smile. He always smiled in his sleep. He'd
told me once that he never had a bad dream in his life. When he slept he'd dream of happy things
like his mother and Kenny and all of the things that he missed. They were happy now so he knew
that he had to be happy for them.
"... someday soon we all will be together..."
I lay down next to him. Instinctively, like he always did, he curled into me, into my embrace. I
wrapped my arms around him and without waking up, I could still see the smile on his face.
So many emotions ran through me at that moment.
I wanted to wake him up and scream at him and tell him to fight.
To fight for his life, fight for our marriage, fight so that he could grow old and see Mikey as a
man. I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to be with him always, like we said we would on
our wedding day.
I wanted to take all of the pain away from him. Every thing that he'd ever been through in his life
that caused him any amount of pain or sadness.
If I could, I'd take it all away.
But I couldn't. As much as I wanted to, needed to. That was something I could never do.
And it was in that moment, that I felt absolutely helpless.
I didn't want to sit there and watch the man I loved die. I didn't want to see him fade away in
front of my eyes.
Sammy shuffled in his sleep and moved his face even closer to mine. I felt the way that his
breath feathered over my neck.
"... until then we'll have to muddle through somehow..."
It wasn't about me though. It never was.
It wasn't about what I wanted or needed. I wasn't the one who was sick. I wasn't the one who had
to be put through torture again. Wasn't the one who had to endure it all. I wasn't the one who had
to face what lie ahead.
What I could do for him, what I promised myself in that very moment that I would do for him,
was to make it as painless and happy as possible.
I wanted him to remember this time as the most joyous and the most wonderful time of his life.
I wasn't sure if that was possible, considering the circumstances that surrounded us. But I knew
I sure the hell was gonna try.
I sighed, wishing I could change things, wishing I could go back and do things better. Make
things easier for him. Wondering if maybe, just maybe, we could have fought harder.
Sammy smiled again. His smile was infectious. It was the kind of smile that makes others feel
good. It was big and bright and beautiful.
Judy kept on singing.
"... so have yourself a merry little Christmas night."
I smiled along with him, as I closed my eyes and savored this tender moment with my husband.
Loving him, needing him, holding him.
Darling please take me, in your arms of safety
Reach out your arms and hold me, hold me
When my feelings are showing, when my tears are flowing
Just reach out, reach out and hold me, hold me
As always, much thanks to Ron for his help. It is more than greatly appreciated.
I love to hear from everyone. It's the only way I know if you like what I'm doing.
The next chapter is in the works. It won't take three months. I promise.