Date: Thu, 14 Dec 2006 21:21:19 -0500
From: BJ X <wijatofish@gmail.com>
Subject: I Understand: Part 1

Disclaimer - The following story contains sex between two adult males. If
that offends you or you're under the age of consent to view such story then
please close the window and go fool around on myspace or something. This is
the first story I've ever really written and released to the world. Some of
it is based in fact and some in fantasy. Since it is just the written
word...condoms don't exist here, but please understand / learn the
consequences of your actions in the real world. Always up to answering
questions and listening to CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms. Hope you enjoy! BJX

I Understand
by BJX

Prologue

	I understand loneliness. I'm in a crammed club with 500 people
sweating, drinking, and dancing and yet I'm all alone. Everyone knows my
name and yet I'm all alone. It's just me and two spinning sheets of vinyl.
Just us...all alone. Lost in the music and trapped in my own world. I
really shouldn't complain. I work two nights a week and make enough money
to pay my mortgage, cover my bills, and support my habits. The rest of the
time I just hide in my loft with my music and my dog, taking the occasional
phone call and letting voicemail get the rest. I had to learn the hard way
about letting too many people in. Now I'm just scarred and scared.

Chapter 1

	There's something to be said about working in the nightlife scene.
If you're not smart about it, you can get caught in the trappings of
Alice's Wonderland. I fell down the rabbit hole once and I almost lost my
mind, but that's another story for another time.  This story is about us or
what was us. I'm still not sure.

	The time leading up to Thanksgiving and after New Year's is one of
the most statistically proven stressful times of the year for relationships
and mine had just hit rock bottom. After a long double set the night
before, I groggily awoke Thanksgiving morning to an outstanding
conversation that had been pressing on my relationship from almost day
one. In a matter of minutes, half asleep and still unsure of reality, my
2-year relationship had ended.

	"So I guess it's over then"

	A long silent pause.

	"Yeah...I guess I'm moving out then."

	He left the bedroom, and I went back to sleep.

	We never fought. We never kicked or screamed. That wasn't us.
Passionate in the bedroom, yes. Fighters, no. We didn't convey to anyone at
dinner what was going on. We both cooked in the kitchen like nothing was
wrong, just lost in the day. Looking back on it I guess we were both
relieved. I knew the relationship wasn't going to last forever, and he
wanted more than I was willing to give him. He's happy now and I'm glad for
him, but it wasn't easy getting there. There were times that he begged and
cried for me to come back. There were times I almost did. I haven't met the
new boyfriend, but I know he can give him more than I ever did or would.

	A week later I made the choice that instead of renting, I was going
to move back home and start house hunting.  My parents were very delighted
to take me in, considering that they did not believe in renting. It was
just a squandering of money when you had the means to buy. They even knew
of a realtor. A month later she showed me the loft and it was love at first
sight. I put in my lowball bid cause it needed some work and the owners
accepted gladly. I think they were just trying to get rid of it.

	It was while I was staying at my parent's house that we met. My
hormones were driving me to find a warm body to get horizontal with. I
booted up the laptop, logged on, and there he was. Just a body part and
height and weight on my screen, but he was close enough that I didn't have
to drive far. As long as he wasn't completely busted in the face, I was
good to go. I didn't care about looks per se. I just wanted to get off and
spend some time forgetting about another botched relationship. After a
quick hello, we got down to the true task at hand. Getting off. It was cold
and business-like, the simple exchange of stats, figures, and positions. I
wasn't in the mood to make small talk and neither was he.  We ran down the
list of what we were looking for and it seemed to be a perfect match.  The
hook-up machine was running glitch free until his face pic arrived in my
inbox. That made me pause and then grin. He wasn't some sad looking sap
cruising for cock. It was a single black and white photo of a hot corn-fed
baseball player type from the Midwest.  Even if he was lying about his age,
it would take 30 years for him to loose his looks and even then I'd
probably still fuck him. He liked what he saw in me, so we exchanged
numbers and agreed to meet at a supermarket close by to check each other
out in about 30 minutes.

	I walked away from my laptop and smoked a cigarette. It was the
ritual. Most smokers were habitual, not me. I used to be one. Now it's
become a ritualistic process...one cigarette before a hook up...one
cigarette after. The only other time I smoked is when I drink Jack Daniels
on the rocks, one cigarette per drink midway to the bottom of the glass.
Vodka, beer, wine, champagne...I won't smoke, but Jack...there's something
extremely satisfying about cheap whiskey and nicotine. Maybe because it's
so 80s rock n roll or maybe because it reminds me of my grandfather. I
don't care. No one is perfect. It's the vices that make us human. After my
cigarette I brushed my teeth, gargled, showered, gargled again, and got
dressed. I went to the car and headed out to the supermarket parking lot.

	I got to the lot first and didn't really know what to look for. We
forgot to say what we were driving. I just sat in the back of the lot,
waiting. After 10 minutes went by I finally decided to give him a call. No
answer. I waited another 5 and drove off. That's when the phone rang.

	"Hello"
	"Hey sorry. I'm running late. I got caught up with a call. Was that
you in the white car just leaving?"
	"Yeah...where are you in the lot?"
	"Towards the post office on the side, grey SUV."
	"Okay."

	I just hung up and drove around to where he was and parked about 10
spaces away. Didn't want to get too close. I walked up to the SUV and he
rolled down the window. I went blank. My ex used to always say he could
never tell what I was thinking and that I constantly threw up blank walls
when he tried to read me. Another used to say that my short sentences and
silence spoke volumes in what was lacking in words. It's a learned
defensive move. I employ it when I don't want to show my hand. What I was
really thinking was not even a structured thought or nothing that could be
placed into the written word. The closest word I can come to is awe. I was
in total awe but jumbled with pictures and colours.

	"Hey what's up? Why don't you hop in."

	Normally, I don't get into stranger's cars, but at that moment I
was feeling far from normal.

	"Okay."

	I walked around to the other side and opened the door. I looked in
briefly and could tell his body shots were definitely not current. He had a
bit of a beer belly going on, but I didn't mind. In fact, it pulled him
from heaven just a bit...less perfect, more real.

	"So how are you doing?"
	"Horny."

	He flashed a smile. I smiled back.

	"Same here. So...everything cool?"

	It was my passive way of getting confirmation that I was fuckable.

	"Oh yeah."

	I let those words linger before I reached out and touched his
leg. He went straight for it and slowly rubbed my cock through my jeans. I
moved my hand to his chest. I wanted to get the lay of the land. He was a
big guy compared to me. At 5'6" and 140 it was going to be a hell of a
fight if things got ugly to shake his 5'10" 190 frame. Nice arms and pecs
with just a bit of tummy. It was like being in high school molesting your
hot gym teacher that never really made it to the pros out of college.

	"So you want to go back to your place?"

	I wanted to get him naked.

	"I have people coming over in about 30 minutes. I thought we could
go to yours."
	"I can't. I'm staying with my parents for the holiday."
	"Oh you're from out of town then?"
	"No, I just moved back home while I'm looking for a place. It's
only temporary."

	Even if I did live alone, I would have never brought him back to my
place. I don't ever have tricks over to my house, ever.

	"Well...I'd have you over my place, but..."
	"You don't want to risk things running over and explaining what I'm
doing there.  I got ya."
	"You know somewhere we could go?"

	I sat and thought for a second. There was somewhere we could go.

	"Yeah I do."

	All the time we had been talking I had been casually playing with
his nipples and he was rubbing the inside of my thigh. I leaned in and
kissed him, nothing over the top. It was just a soft gentle kiss with a
little bit of tongue. In my mind, I was loosing control of the scene. It
began to take on a dream-like quality. I snapped myself out of it and
opened the door. Blank. Even. Walled.

	"Follow me."

	I head over to my car. I knew he was watching me walk away and was
putting on my manliest swagger. Not that I'm light on my toes, but I just
want to put in an extra step of butch just to show off. I got into my car,
started it up, and left the lot. He was right behind me. We didn't have to
go that far. It was a quick ride to the park. I had done this before at the
same park with an ex that was into having sex outside. I pulled down a side
street and pulled in to the neighboring houses away from the streetlight. I
got out and crossed the street towards the set of trees that blanketed an
area of the park in darkness. It was perfect. You could see out but you
couldn't really see in. I only turned around once to see if he was behind
me. He was this hulking baby-faced man wearing baseball cap, loose
sweatshirt, and sweatpants. I got to the first tree, leaned up against it,
and waited for him. He came from my right and turned to face me. We started
touching each other immediately at arms length. His arms. His chest.  His
cock. When I pulled him in closer to grab his ass, he nestled his head in
my neck while I kneaded his firm ass. I pulled my head back and we started
kissing again. I kept bouncing from getting lost in his kiss and snapping
back to the fact that we were having sex in a public park. He fell to his
knees and pulled out my cock. His baseball cap kept getting the way, so I
pulled it off and turned it around. I was a little caught off guard that he
was completely bald. I didn't care, but I more surprised that I didn't
notice before. With my cock in his one hand and my sac in the other, he
took me all the way down to the base. Not many guys can do that and the
complete enrapture so quickly almost made me blow right there. I leaned
back more and kept my eye on the street while he went to work. It felt
really good but I couldn't relax enough to completely enjoy it. I pulled
him off and up to his feet. It was my turn. I spun him around against and
facing the tree. I pulled his sweatpants down and spread his ass. I nuzzled
in close and lightly licked my target. He let out a soft "yeah." He didn't
know what he was in for. I slowly started from the outside just licking and
teasing. He pushed back eager wanting more and more is what I gave him. I
pushed my tongue in and that got the response I wanted.

	"Awww...fuck yeah."

	It had a quiet guttural tone to it. I kept pressing inward with my
tongue, twisting and lapping, spreading him wider apart. He got the clue
and took a wider stance with his hands never leaving the tree. I started to
nibble and then lightly nip at his hole with the scruff from my face
rubbing the insides of his crack. That really pushed him over.

	"Man that feels great!"

	I pulled back for a second and looked around. I was pretty sure he
wasn't keeping watch at this point. I didn't want to stop the action but I
wanted to make sure no one like the police were coming. I took my thumb and
pressed it against him and he pushed his ass out to take it. With a thumb
inserted in him, I took a firm grip of him and worked it in and out. I was
directing the show and knew what I wanted next.

	I slowly stood up and lubed up with my own spit. I withdrew my
hands and placed them around his waist with my cock pressed against his
crevice. I rocked slowly.  Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth,
until I nudged my way into him. I let my head pass through and stopped.
Needed him get used to me in there. We had a ways to go and I didn't want
to just shove it in. I reached up and started playing with his chest and
nipples again. I wanted another stimulus for him to concentrate on while I
pressed into him. I was going to the hilt and I didn't want him to back off
fully aware of how much was going in. What I didn't know was that I was
hitting all the right buttons.

	"Yeah that's it...Mfphmm...twist em hard."

	So that's what I did, twisted and pushed my way to the end. I
reached around with my other hand and touched his cock. He was rock hard. I
slowly pulled out and then pushed back in. I figured we were hedging our
bets in being found, so I picked up the pace. He brushed my hand out of the
way and started jerking himself off. He was in his own brand of ecstasy,
and I wanted to trip him over. In the darkness, I could see his mouth open
but completely silent, unable to talk or make a sound except for empty
gasps of air. I reached up again and grabbed his tensed chest and squeezed.

	"Ugh...ah...uhh huhh..."

	That's when I felt it. That familiar tightening around your dick
when a bottom is cumming. It was my validation...my gold medal...my shiny
trophy.  I let him rest for a bit. His whole body contracted in pain /
pleasure when I pulled out. He then stood all the way up and turned
around. In the faint light, I could tell that the he was flushed and
panting with sweat coming down his face grinning.

	"That was...great...your turn now."

	He dropped to his knees again and I pulled him up before he could
start. We switched places with my back against the tree. I took his hand
and wrapped it around my cock.

	"Just jerk me hard."

	I leaned in to kiss him and his mouth opened. The world started to
come alive. I could peer further into the darkness and see shapes and
colours. I closed my eyes and let the feeling wash over me. He leaned his
bulk into me and wrapped his free arm around my arched back. He was holding
me up and I was letting go.

	"I'm gonna cum..."

	The bright white light of orgasm smacked me in the face opening up
all my senses. I blindly shot 4 or 5 times before I settled back to Earth
and him softly stroking my cock. I opened my eyes and looked at the smile
on his face.

	"I guess we should get moving huh?"
	"Yeah."

	He still spoke quietly like he barely wanted to be heard. He let me
go and we both pulled up our pants; headed to our respective cars. I really
didn't know what to say at that point.

	"Well I guess I'll catch you around then..."
	"Yeah it was fun. Give me a call sometime."

	I got in my car and reached for my phone to save his number. I
watched him pull away as I pulled up the call history. I hit save to
contacts, but I had forgotten to get one thing, his name.