Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 13:58:21 -0800 (PST) From: Mark Stevens Subject: In the Direction of Happiness - Part 7 The following is property of the author. Permission to post is granted to Nifty Archives. Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to individuals, living or dead, is pure coincidence. Do no read this story if man-to-man romance or sex offends you. Do not read if you are underage according to laws in the country, state/province, county, city/town/village or township where you live. This is a love story. I've attempted to create a tale where the characters are involved in living life to its fullest. Although sex is part of this story, so are romance, pain and self-realization. Ever since I was a little boy I've loved the Spanish language and the traditional Mexican culture. I suppose that's why I've chosen to incorporate the language into my story. I ask both your forgiveness and your indulgence for any atrocities that I may have committed in the writing of this lovely language. The effort has forced me to call all the way back to the two years of Spanish I studied in high school, which in my case, was more than a few years ago. I wish each of you a wonderful holiday season. Whatever your traditions or beliefs, this is certainly a time to remember the sanctity of all life and enjoy the wonderful richness of diversity. Happy Holidays, Mark Stevens IN THE DIRECTION OF HAPPINESS - PART 7 Chapter 20 - Friendship That evening I had a phone call from Sarah. The police had released them from protective custody and she was calling from her home. "How are you Steven?" she asked in a voice filled with emotion. "I'm feeling much better. How are you and Miguel? I've been worried about you. I wanted to talk with you but Brad explained that it wouldn't be wise until the police knew for sure that you would be safe." "We're fine. We feel badly for you. Brad explained what happened. You nearly died and your lovely nursery was destroyed. How can we ever repay you for all you've done?" She was crying and I could tell her sensitive heart was aching. "Don't cry, I'm doing great. The nursery is already back to normal. Your intuition was correct. You said we'd help each other and we have. You helped me discover who I am. I can now accept myself, just as I am, without reservation or shame. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. And I was able to help you and Miguel too. Gilberto will never trouble you again. I think this calls for a celebration. Don't you?" "Oh yes, yes. What a great idea. When can we get together?" Sarah sounded like an excited little girl. I couldn't help but smile. "I want you to meet Mark. He leaves on Wednesday. Do you think we can get together before then?" "Sure. Just tell us when." "Let me talk with Mark. Hold on a minute." I called to Mark who was working at the kitchen table. I explained our idea and he was totally agreeable. "Can you come to our house tomorrow evening? I'd like to have a few of my friends join us. Let's make it an informal dinner party." "Oh what fun. We'll bring all the food." I didn't want her to go to a lot of trouble but knew it was senseless to object. I'd already experienced Sarah's powers of persuasion. Monday afternoon Sarah and Miguel arrived with Eduardo and his sister Lupe. Mark and I walked outside to greet them as they were getting out of an older model Chevrolet station wagon. Sarah literally ran when she spotted us on the front porch. Throwing her arms around me she laughed and cried at the same time. "I'm so glad to see you," she said while kissing my cheek. She hugged me again before turning her gaze toward Mark. "Ay, que machote!" she exclaimed. "You're even better looking than Steven said." Mark was about to speak when she pulled him into a tight hug. By the look on his face I could tell she had again worked magic. He was enchanted. "Hola Steven," Miguel called. He and Eduardo were removing an assortment of bags, pots, pans and an ice chest from the back of the car. Mark and I walked over to help. Miguel pulled me into an embrace and affectionately kissed my cheek. "Oh mi amigo, are you okay?" He asked while looking intently into my eyes. "I'm fine, and happy to see you Miguel. Let me introduce you to Mark." The two men shook hands and I noticed Mark's eyes light up as he quickly scanned Miguel from head to toe. The six of us managed to carry all of the provisions into the house in one trip. In no time at all Sarah had completely taken charge of the kitchen and the meal was being prepared. Eduardo left the ice chest on the front porch and told us that it was filled with soft drinks, beer and some homemade specialties. Sangria I had heard of. A fruity alcoholic beverage made with red wine. Horchata de arroz was the unusual drink I was offered at Eduardo's home. He called the third concoction, tamarindo. It's made from the pulp of the tamarind fruit and like the horchata, it is served icy cold. It is very refreshing. Tart, with a distinctive flavor. Miguel returned to the car and retrieved his guitar. A festive evening was sure to follow. Mark took me aside. "You shouldn't have carried those bags into the house. Are you feeling okay?" "I'm fine babe, they were light. I'm being careful." "This is going to be an interesting evening," he said. "I can see why you became friends with Sarah. She's delightful, and what a gorgeous smile." "I saw the way you looked at Miguel. What do you think of him?" I asked. Mark grinned. Wow, he's hot. Didn't you tell me he's Gay?" "Yes I did. Want to have a three-way?" I asked, pretending to be serious. His countenance dropped. "No Steven, I don't. You're the only person I want." Mark hung his head, taking my `off hand' remark seriously. Mark's appearance is so strong and masculine I sometimes forget just how sensitive he is, and how easily he can be hurt. "I love you Mark. You're all I'll ever want or need. I was just kidding, you big old fur ball." "I'll admit it, he did catch my eye, but that's all. I've spent my entire adult life having sex. One partner after the next and never satisfied. I was insatiable. Now I understand that I was trying to fill a deep hollowness created when my dad left. But you've changed all of that. For the first time in my life I'm sexually satisfied. I belong to you sweetheart. I'm all yours - only yours. I hope you feel the same way about me." "Of course I do," I said while hugging his strong, handsome body. Do you think they'd miss us if we slipped into the bedroom for about an hour?" "Probably, but I sure wish we could." He was smiling again. That's Mark in a nutshell. He wears his feelings on his sleeve. Although he may have the occasional bout with jealousy, he's totally loyal and doesn't have a mean or judgmental bone in his body. I loved him more at that moment than I thought possible. Other than my brother, everybody we invited to our little celebration accepted. Gary and Dan arrived first. They spent most of the evening holding hands and gazing into each other's eyes. Brad and his wife Grace arrived next. Grace is absolutely beautiful. Tall and stunning, she moves with an elegance that fits her name. She has honey colored hair with pale blue eyes. Her light complexion seems to glow from within. Her personality is equally captivating. I'm guessing she's close to Brad's age yet she has a timeless look. I was immediately reminded of Galadriel, the elegant Elven Queen in J.R.R. Tolkien's, 'The Lord of the Rings'. Karen and her husband arrived last. I was surprised that Bill came at all. In the many years that Karen has worked for me I had only met Bill on three or four occasions. Karen always maintained that he is shy and doesn't like to socialize, and that very well could be true, but I also felt he was uncomfortable with my sexuality. I never flaunt my sexuality and rarely discuss it with anybody. But Karen certainly knew of my deep love for Mark and I'm sure she must have discussed that fact with her husband. The few times we met he usually said little and seemed uneasy. Tonight he appeared more relaxed and was soon laughing with everybody else. The wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen had filled the house. Lupe, Eduardo and Sarah were preparing a feast. "They've been cooking since yesterday," Miguel told me. "What are they fixing," I asked? "Eduardo ground his own corn and has made tortillas de maize. He has prepared three wonderful salsas; verde, picante and a thick paste made from Chipotles, which are smoked Jalapeno peppers. Most of the vegetables are from his garden." Lupe made tamales, both chicken and beef. Sarah prepared her favorite New Mexico style Sopapillas and has been simmering chile verde since yesterday. And, of course, rice and beans. The meal will start with avocado salad and quesadillas. And, as if that is not enough, they've made an assortment of pan dulce and flan for dessert. We'll all have to diet for weeks. I sure hope everybody is hungry. They've brought enough to feed a small village." "It all sounds delicious but I wish they hadn't gone to so much trouble," I said. "It's no trouble at all. You have to understand how we Mexicans think. We love life and we celebrate with food, music, and love. We believe that everyday should be a celebration of life and friendship. We're happiest when we are eating, surrounded by the people we love. And Steven, we love you very much and hope to remain friends for a long time. Maybe, after dinner, I can teach you a wonderful song. It's called 'Gracias a la Vida' and it means, 'thanks to life'." "Thank you Miguel. I'd like that very much. Speaking of love and life; now that Gilberto is out of the picture, are you going to get back together with Randall?" "Yes. He will be moving to Los Angeles very soon. Other than Randall, there is no reason for us to return to New Mexico. L.A. is our home. I have a very good job at the country club and my boss is willing to interview Randall. He may have a job for him." I draped my arm around Miguel's shoulders and told him how happy I was for him. "Living with the person you love makes all the difference in the world," I said. "Everything has new meaning for me. At last I'm able to share, even the little things, with the object of my affection. I couldn't be happier." I thought about my experience in the bathroom the day before, when taking a leak took on a whole new significance. I considered telling Miguel but wasn't sure how he would respond, so I didn't say anything. Besides, he had already lived with his lover. There was probably little that I could tell him that he hadn't already experienced. Other than my parents and brother, Mark is the only person I've ever lived with. "I really like Mark," Miguel said. "He has a very gentle spirit, doesn't he?" "Yes he does. You'd never know it to look at him though. Because he is so ruggedly handsome I sometimes forget just how gentle and sensitive he is." "He is very handsome. He took my breath away when I first saw him standing next to you on the porch." "He felt much the same way about you Miguel. If I remember right, his exact words were: 'Wow, he's hot'." "Well, I'm flattered," he said shyly. "We are lucky men, are we not?" At that moment Sarah made an entrance into the living room. She had evidently brought a change of clothes. Every head turned as she announced that the food was ready to be enjoyed. She was now wearing a beautiful, full-length black skirt that was slit on one side up to her hip. Her loose fitting turquoise blouse was pulled down over each shoulder. Around her narrow waist she wore a black leather belt fastened by a large silver buckle. Her coal black hair tumbled gracefully across her shoulders accentuating her graceful neck and lovely breasts. Her feet were bare and a deep red rose adorned her hair. Her beauty was not lost on anybody, especially the men. Brad's eyes lit up when he saw her and Bill stood frozen, with his mouth wide open. Mark's eyes were ablaze with fire and for a fleeting moment I worried that, once again, I'd lost him to the straight world. My fear was unfounded however. He saw me looking at him and silently mouthed, 'I love you sweetheart'. Dinner was delicious and wild. Everybody was hungry, happy, and completely uninhibited. The craziness started with Dan and Mark. A small, cherry tomato had fallen from Dan's salad bowl and was sitting on the tablecloth. Without thinking he was rolling it around with his finger while looking intently at Gary. Mark was watching Dan with mischievous eyes. When Mark finally caught Dan's attention, he put his hands together on the table and simulated a goal post. Dan grinned, and pretending the tomato was a football, he snapped it in the direction of Mark's goal post. He didn't score. Instead, the tomato shot past Mark and hit Brad square on the nose. Brad's face was stern. As Dan began to apologize, a wry smile turned the corners of Brad's mouth and, quick as lightning, he flung an avocado wedge at Dan. A wild and glorious salad fight ensued and even the normally reserved Gary got involved. We laughed ourselves silly. We ate, drank, laughed and talked for hours. Finally full and totally satisfied, we moved to the living room. It was time for music. Miguel got his guitar and he and Eduardo began singing. The first song was delightful. It is called 'De Colores'. We all learned the simple Spanish lyrics and joined in the singing. Miguel indicated that he wanted to teach us a favorite song, 'Gracias a la Vida'. Written by Mercedes Sosa its lyrics are a beautiful testimony to life and all of its joys and sorrows. It seemed fitting for the evening. "Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto me dio dos luceros que cuando los abro perfecto distingo los negro del blanco y en el alto cielo su fondo estrellado y en las multitudes el hombre que yo amo. Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto me ha dado el o¡do que en todo su ancho graba noche y d¡a grillos y canarios martirios, turbinas, ladridos, chubascos y la voz tan tierna de mi bien amado. Gracias a la vida que me had dado tanto me ha dado el sonido el abecedario con ^Âl, las palabras que pienso y declaro madre, amigo, hermano y luz alumbrando la ruta del alma del que estoy Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto me ha dado la marcha de mis pies cansados con ellos anduve ciudades y charcos playas y desiertos, montanas y llanos y las casa tuya, tu calle y tu patio. Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto me dio el corazon que agita su marco cuando miro el fruto del cerebro humano cuando miro el bueno tan lejos del malo cuando miro el fondo de tus ojos claros. Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto asi yo distingo dicha de quebranto los dos materiales que forman mi canto y el canto de ustedes que es el mismo canto y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto." Miguel translated for us and I found the lyrics remarkable. It is a sensitive tribute to the frailties and strengths of the human condition. The song celebrates the singing of crickets at night and canaries during the day. Lauding the turbine engine, storms, kingdoms and the tender voices of loved ones. One verse particularly touched my heart: Thanks to life for giving me so much, that I can distinguish between happiness and loss. Thanks to life that allows me to sing. Chapter 21 - The Frailties of a Man The evening passed quickly and soon it was after midnight. Strong bonds of friendship were forged that evening. Each of us came away with different impressions yet all of us came to understand what Miguel had told me earlier. Everyday should be spent celebrating life and friendship. Mark and I were exhausted. We decided that cleaning up the house could easily wait until morning. We washed our faces, brushed our teeth and tumbled into bed. Lying side by side we talked about our life together. "I can't bear to leave you on Wednesday," Mark said sadly. "We've begun our life together and I want to be by your side - always. How can I leave you now?" "I don't want you to leave me. Everything is different now that we're together. Little things, like making breakfast or planning my day, have become so important to me. I'm beginning to understand what partnership really means. More than romance and sex, it's the daily living together that holds so much meaning. Have you ever noticed how we never run out of things to talk about? I love that about you babe. You are so wonderful to talk with. December will be very lonely for me." "I can't wait to be married to you. I know that we'll encounter people like your brother, or worse. It wouldn't be honest to say that I don't care - I do. But considering all that we've been given - those people are insignificant. God has already joined us together. Our wedding will be a celebration of what God has already done. I love you so much sweetheart." It was odd listening to Mark talk about God. He had always been the engineer and scientist with little room for spirituality. Now he spoke of God freely. Somewhere or somehow God had become part of his life. Lying there in the darkness with my head on his strong, hairy chest, I thought of Eric, the young man that had requested prayer at a Connie Latham meeting. I hoped that he had found a man like Mark. A loving man in whom he could find solace amidst life's trials. I prayed that God had restored his soul and kindled a living faith, free of the legalism and self-righteousness that the church had tried to impose upon him "Sweetheart?" "Yes." "I'm glad we decided to wait until our marriage before having intercourse." "So am I." "I think about it all the time. I long to feel you inside of me. `And the two shall become one flesh'. I want to be one with you." "Sometimes you amaze me." "How so?" "You're quoting the Bible and talking about God. Where did this come from?" "It's always been there. I just never paid any attention until lately. It took falling in love for me to understand what is really important in life." His tenderness and newfound peace had become obvious in everything he did. Always thoughtful, he now seemed to radiate serenity. "You're just full of surprises my big ol' engineer 'cum' preacher. "Stick it Steven." "Whenever you're ready babe. I think about making love.I mean, really making love, every day," I said to him. "You know it's going to hurt at first. It will probably hurt a lot. But I don't care." There was vulnerability in his voice that was compelling. "I know it will hurt, but only for a short time. I think the pleasure and intimacy will far outweigh the pain. Actually, I've read a lot about it." "Reading more porn?" he chuckled. "Yes, but more importantly, I've been reading about the prostate gland. When the prostate is manipulated the sensations can be extreme." "I know that when you use your finger it sure feels good, but I don't think you've hit my prostate yet," Mark said. "Have you tried to find your prostate yourself?" "I've tried, but I don't think I've found it. I don't know what I'm looking for. Besides, it doesn't feel as good as when you do it." "I've not been able to find mine either. I'm glad to hear that you've had the same trouble. I was beginning to think I didn't have one." Once again he pulled me into a deep embrace and we kissed for a long time. I finally pulled away and looked deeply into his eyes. "Mark, I need to ask you something, but I don't want you to take it the wrong way." "Uh oh. Have I done something wrong?" "No, not at all. We've already talked about this but I guess I still need reassuring. Bear with me, please. " "Sure." "Do you think you might miss having a woman in your life? I mean, you're bisexual. I guess I am too, but not like you. I definitely prefer men. Tonight, when Sarah walked into the room, your eyes were blazing with desire. I want you to know that doesn't bother me at all. I really do understand. I just worry that I might not be able to satisfy all of your sexual desires. You've done nothing to make we worry, it's my own insecurities working overtime. "I've thought a lot about that. At one time I couldn't go for longer than a few weeks without a woman. I didn't think I could be happy without pussy. But as my love for you grew deeper, I realized that you have everything I want. And don't forget, men have always turned me on too. I just never acted upon it. I still find women very attractive and a small part of me fantasizes about them. When a truly stunning woman, like Sarah, walks in the room, I notice. But the truth is, I've never had a satisfying sexual relationship with a woman. My own pleasure always came first. We'd have wonderful but shallow sex and then it would be over. I'd usually be asleep within moments. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've gotten off and fallen asleep with my cock still hard and inside of Barbara. Pretty selfish and superficial on my part, don't you think? With you it's so different. I never want it to end. My greatest joy comes when I pleasure you. Besides, my fantasy life now centers mostly on sex between men. I rarely even think about having a woman involved. I want you to believe me Stevie. When I tell you that you are all I'll ever need, I mean it." "Thank you. I do believe you. Just promise me that if you ever feel differently you'll talk with me about it. I don't ever want you to feel sexual frustration. We can work out any problems as long as we communicate our feelings. Okay?" "Okay. I can't see that ever happening, but if it does, we will work it out together. Thanks for being open with me about your concerns. It doesn't matter to me that we've already talked about it. If you need reassurance I'm happy to give it to you. After all, you've been patient with my jealousy." "I love you so much Mark." Pulling me into his arms he softly whispered into my ear. I'll never forget the words he spoke to me that night. They are forever etched in my heart and are indeed the very essence of my continued joy. Beyond romance, Mark took me to a place I never dreamed existed. I can't begin to explain it, but for me there are times when the line separating the physical from the spiritual becomes blurred, and I'm not quite sure which side I'm on. So it was that night, as the man I would spend the rest of my life with, held me in his arms. We didn't have sex. Our conversation was so deeply intimate even the best sex would have been anticlimactic. As usual we fell asleep holding each other. My brother called early Tuesday morning. He asked if he could come over and talk with us. Of course we agreed and it was decided he would join us for lunch. I was working in the greenhouse when he arrived. I heard his car drive up and I called to him from the front door. "Kevin, I'm in the greenhouse, come over here." He slowly walked in my direction. As he approached I looked closely at his face. It was unreadable. He no longer appeared angry yet he certainly didn't look very happy. "Hey bro, " I said cheerfully. "I'm glad you're here." I decided to be bold and attempt to give him a hug. I was greatly relieved when he returned my embrace. He held me longer than I expected and I could sense he was in the throes of a weighty problem. "Kevin, what's wrong?" I asked. "I need to talk with you and I'd like Mark to join us. But first I need to apologize to you. I know I hurt and embarrassed you on Saturday. My behavior was selfish and childish. I can be such an insensitive asshole. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I want to be part of your life, whether I understand it or not." "Of course I forgive you Kev. You're my only brother and I love you. My announcement must have been quite a shock. Having your fears about me confirmed was more than you were prepared for. If our positions were switched I don't know how I would have reacted either. I wish I'd had the courage to be honest with you years ago." "It's just so hard for me to understand. How can you stand being a fag?" "I'm Gay, Kevin, not a fag. I'm a homosexual man. You're a heterosexual man. Neither one of us has any control over that. Our upbringing was identical and we shared many of the same experiences yet, in many ways, we turned out differently. It's been a hard road for me but I've finally come to understand that there's nothing wrong with me. I want to ask you an important question. How old were you when you decided to be straight?" He looked at me puzzled. "I never decided to be straight. I just am." "I never made the decision to be Gay. I just am. Hear me out for minute, okay? I don't expect you to understand my sexuality. I don't understand it myself. I have no idea why I'm this way. I tried so hard to be straight. I begged God to make me 'normal'. I'd buy Penthouse magazines and stare at the women, willing myself to get hard. Page after page of beautiful women yet nothing would happen until I chanced upon an advertisement with a handsome man in the photo. You can't imagine how distressing that can be to a young person. I was in constant turmoil and my self esteem plummeted. I felt like a freak, an outcast, worse than a criminal. And that continued for years. Who could I talk with? Who would understand? And what is really pathetic, I truly believed that one-day, I would be 'cured'. Homosexuals are hated within their own ethnic and religious groups. Just think about how difficult that can be for a boy or girl facing adolescence. Other minority groups can draw support from each other. If you're a Black man struggling with prejudice, you can draw support from your brothers and sisters. But if you're a Gay Black man, where do you go when family and friends reject you? Women have finally found their collective voice and have made progress in their struggle to be accepted in the male dominated workplace. Women support each other and that is part of the reason they have been successful. But to whom can the young Lesbian turn when all of her girlfriends reject her? How many Christian churches will welcome an openly Gay couple into their fellowship? You can be a Black Christian, a Hispanic Christian, even a Jewish Christian. But what about a Gay Christian? Think about poor Miguel. Gilberto and his macho thugs wanted to kill him because he was an embarrassment to his machismo culture. Kevin, if nothing else, think about this. One third of all adolescent suicides are committed by Gays and Lesbians. Growing up is hard enough without having family, friends, churches, and governments telling you not to be yourself. The pressure and confusion can be overwhelming. Gay bashing is on the rise everywhere. Simply holding hands with your lover can be a death sentence if noticed by the wrong person. Life for homosexuals can be a very lonely and too often tragic. Under these circumstances, who would choose to be Gay? Sadly, most of us aren't given the choice. Some scientists believe that sexuality is genetically based. I don't know if that is true or not, but I do know this; I didn't choose to be Gay. I just am. Nobody should be forced to live a lie and that's exactly what I was doing. I can't do it anymore." Kevin had screwed up his face into a grimace. I could tell he was thinking about matters he'd never considered before. After a few moments he spoke. "I'm sorry bro. I didn't know how hard it was for you. I had no idea. Everything always seems to work out for you. You've really made something of yourself and I've always been so proud of my big brother. I guess I wasn't ready to admit that my brother, the man I look up to the most, could possibly be a Gay." "Well I am, but I'm the exact same man I was before you found out about my orientation. Nothing has changed. Can you handle this?" "Yes, and I'm proud of you." "I'm proud of you too Kev. I always have been. What'a ya say we find Mark and have some lunch?" I thought it time to change the subject. As we walked toward the house he threw his arm over my shoulder. "I'm so glad we're friends again," I said lightheartedly. Mark was in the kitchen heating the multitude of leftovers from the night before. He'd set the table and even picked the few flowers he could find blooming in the nursery and placed them in a vase on the table. "Honey," I said. "Ya shore been a good little wife. Y'all what I call a keeper. You be taken mighty fine care of yer man. Keepin' yer face so pretty an' fix'n all my meals. Get your pretty little butt over he'ah and give yer man a kiss." Kevin began to chuckle as Mark leered at me and flipped me off. "Hey, Mark," Kevin said warmly. Kevin walked up to Mark and for the first time in my memory gave him a hug. Mark smiled sensing that Kevin's earlier hostility had seemingly passed. "Before we go any further," Kevin said to Mark. "Let me tell you the same thing I told Steve. I'm so sorry for my behavior on Saturday. I was a complete idiot and I'm asking for your forgiveness." "All is forgiven and forgotten Kevin. Nothing more ever needs to be said about it." "Mark, I've always liked you so much. I've been jealous of your relationship with my brother for years. How I've wanted a friend like you. A real friend, not like the jerks I've hung out with. Well now that you and Steve are, well, more than friends, can I be your friend too?" "Of course you can. Actually, as far as I'm concerned, you're my brother now. We're family." They hugged again then sat down to eat. Over lunch Kevin told us about the many problems he was facing. The more he spoke the more I felt badly for him. He'd really gotten himself into a mess this time. "I guess mom told you that I lost my job and Brenda left me." "Yes, she did. What happened? I thought you and Brenda were really happy. You were talking about marriage not that long ago. She didn't leave because you lost your job did she?" "No. It's all my fault. I don't know what's wrong with me. Will I always be so damn stupid?" He had stopped eating and put his head in his hands. He was miserable and not far from tears. Mark gently put his hand on his shoulder. "Brenda is pregnant. We were both really excited when we found out. We planned to get married as soon as possible. My life was finally moving in the right direction. The girl of my dreams was going to have my baby. We were going to be a family. I was happy. For once in my life, I was truly happy. Shit, that was short-lived. Four months ago Triple E Construction finally signed a contract to build the new shopping mall in Glendale. To celebrate, my boss threw a big party at his house. Brenda didn't want to go because she was feeling tired. I was disappointed and we had an argument. So I went to the party alone and of course I got drunk. One of girls in purchasing, her name is Joanne, starting flirting with me and I flirted back. Joanne is really a good-looking girl. She's just my type. Long dark hair, petite, perfect tits and..." He stopped talking for a moment then said, "sorry guys, I guess you wouldn't be interested in those details." "I WOULD!" Mark exclaimed enthusiastically while winking at me. "Just continue with your story Kev," I said. "Ignore Mark." I returned his wink. "I was drunk, flirting with a sexy woman, and angry with Brenda. All the ingredients for disaster had come together. After the party we went to her apartment and had sex. I went back to my place early the next morning with a massive hangover and new reasons to hate myself. How stupid could I have been? I called Joanne and apologized for what I had done. She told me not to worry about it and promised it would remain our secret. Trusting Joanne and not wanting to hurt Brenda, I never told her about it. Three weeks ago Triple E Construction lost the shopping mall contract and one third of the staff was laid off. Both Joanne and I lost our jobs. It couldn't have come at a worse time with Brenda pregnant and our upcoming plans for marriage. Brenda took the news better than I did. She was supportive and optimistic that I would find work. Steve, the day before you were attacked, I got a call from Joanne. She's sobbing so hard I can barely understand what she's trying to say to me. She finally calms down and guess what? She too is pregnant and I'm the father. Isn't this just typical of how I do things? I get two women pregnant and I don't have a fucking job to support either one of them. I confessed to Brenda and she left me. She intends to keep the baby but wants me totally out of her life. Joanne is also planning to keep the child and she wants financial support. She wants to remain friends, even get together, but I don't love her. What am I going to do?" I was at a loss. I didn't know what to say to my brother. I wanted to comfort him but didn't know how. Looking at Mark's face I could tell that Kevin's problems were striking close to home. With his own sad childhood and the circumstances that led to his marriage to Barbara, I knew Mark would be in a position to help Kevin. Even if it was nothing more than lending and understanding ear. Kevin spent the rest of the day with us and he and Mark talked most of the time. Mark told him his own story without omitting any of the details. Mark echoed the advice that I gave him long ago. He encouraged Kevin to figure out what was best for himself. He couldn't help anybody unless he first helped himself. He also encouraged him to give Brenda a chance to work through her anger and hurt. All might not be lost. Time has a way of healing even deep wounds. By the time Kevin left I could tell he was feeling better, or at least encouraged. We walked him to his car and he thanked us warmly, giving each of us a long hug. Mark gave him his phone number in Spokane and encouraged him to call anytime. Chapter 22 - 'Tis the Season That night, while lying in bed, we finalized plans for our wedding. We were in total agreement about everything. The ceremony would be held in the nursery on February 10th. We had wanted to be married at Red Rock Canyon but the weather was too unreliable. The canyon is cold in the winter and hot in the summer. Early Spring would be ideal but we didn't want to wait that long. Gary would officiate. Since Mark likes the traditional wedding vows we decided to follow that format with some minor alterations. Only very close friends and those who would support our life together would be invited. As a result the invitation list would be small: Gary and Dan Barbara and Carl My parents Mark's mother Barbara's parents Patrick and Melissa My brother Dr. Cartwright and his wife Carol Brad and Grace Sloane Eduardo and Lupe Sarah Ortiz Miguel Ortiz and Randall Brown Karen and Bill Vernon Vickie Reynolds, my cousin Marks sister Kathy and her husband Grant We had sex before finally drifting off into a world of peace and contentment. We'd deal with the sorrow of parting tomorrow. We awakened early and made love once again. We spoke very little to each other. Words weren't necessary. I drove him to the airport and we said goodbye in the busy terminal. Tears ran unashamed down our cheeks and for the first time we embraced and kissed publicly. Everybody stared, some with disapproving looks but most with genuine smiles of understanding. I stood at the terminal window and watched his plane taxi slowly to the runway. As it began its ascent I thought of an old Elton John song. "Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane I can see the red taillights heading for Spain. Oh, and I can see Daniel waving goodbye God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes. Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much." Silently singing that song, I walked to my car alone, yet knowing in my heart, I'd never be alone again. Fortunately I had much to keep me busy during the month of December. I always take advantage of the slower winter months to do a thorough cleaning of the nursery. I also spend considerable time analyzing the business and look for areas that can be improved. Mark will be a big help evaluating the efficiency of the business. I've always enjoyed the Christmas season and over the years have created my own 'traditions'. Although I've lived alone most of my life I always put up a Christmas tree and decorate the house. On Christmas Eve I usually make a secret visit to family members and close friends. Since I'm able to buy Poinsettias in bulk, I'll quietly leave several of the festive plants on each of their doorsteps. Often I'm caught in the act and invited in for something warm to drink and everybody seems to have an ample supply of cookies and cakes. It's a special time for me and I'm always very happy. I enjoy making my own wrapping paper. I'll buy large rolls of butcher paper and cans of spray paint. In autumn, when the leaves are starting to turn color and drop, I'll gather and dry them. I also save pine needles, seedpods, acorns and flower stalks. A couple of weeks before Christmas I'll gather together all of my holiday CD's, pour myself a glass of Brandy and move everything out to my workshop. With the butcher paper laid flat on the workbenches I'll place some of the less colorful leaves on the paper and use them as stencils. I'll spray paint over the various leaves. Sometimes I'll use gravel, wood chips or whatever I can find to create interesting patterns. The result is usually colorful and unusual. When the paper is dry it's time to wrap the presents. Once wrapped I'll use my glue gun to attach the leaves, seedpods and whatever else I've collected to the tops of the packages. I never use bows or ribbons. My business has been very successful and for that I'll always be grateful. I've worked hard and made many sacrifices to ensure its success. Yet over and above anything I've done, I truly believe that I've been either lucky or blessed. Each year the profit margin has increased, often considerably. It's a good thing. I love to give presents, especially at Christmas. I usually pick up items all year long and save them for the holiday. I find it's so much easier to shop that way. I don't like purchasing on demand or at the last minute. When I see something I know a particular person will enjoy, I'll buy it and save it. A preliminary estimate indicated that profit for the year 2000 would exceed 1999 by over 25%. 2000 had been a wonderful year for me and I wanted to share my newfound happiness and good fortune with those people that I love the most. So I went on a decadent and totally joyous shopping spree. I remembered that Carl had been interested in the new Global Positioning Systems. I found a GPS that was designed specifically for your automobile. It came equipped with a 5 x 6.5" screen and an up-to-date Metro Guide CD-ROM and blank 8MB cartridge allowing you to use a computer to download to your GPS a map of any area in the United States. For Barbara, who has always enjoyed photography, I found a state of the art CD recording Digital Camera. Barbara has a sweet tooth, although you'd never know it to look at her. Her body is as close to female perfection as you'll find. So, to brighten her year, I enrolled her in a 'dessert of the month' club. I was particularly excited about Patrick's gift. I want one for myself. A full-featured wireless weather station. The system will measure wind speed and direction, indoor and outdoor temperatures, indoor and outdoor humidity, dewpoint, barometric pressure and precipitation. A sensor link will update information every 2.5 seconds. Melissa was a bit of a challenge. Knowing how much she loves music, especially boy bands, I found a micro stereo/DVD desktop console. This system allows you to listen to CD's or the radio and watch movies and music videos on DVD without having to switch to a different component. Gary and Dan were easy to buy for. Gary has long wanted a laptop computer. The ideal tool for the writer who travels. I also bought him an Army Air Corp Leather Flight Jacket that I knew he'd look really hot in, especially if he wears it without a shirt on. For Dan, who has never owned a computer, I found a desktop computer equipped with everything I knew he'd enjoy, including a printer and scanner. I also purchased a year of Internet service for him. I found exciting gifts for my parents and brother, Mark's mom, Barbara's parents, Miguel and Sarah, Brad and Grace, Karen and Bill, and Eduardo and Lupe. I had never spent so much money or had so much fun doing so. I found very personal cards for Dan and Karen. Without those two, the nursery would not be the success that it is. I'm so very grateful to both of them. To thank them for their excellent work, they each received bonus checks. Karen $2,500 and Dan $5,000. I thought long and hard about Mark's gift. Mark is the epitome of strength and masculinity yet his heart is so sensitive - a rare and wonderful combination. Knowing that Mark didn't have the resources to purchase extravagant gifts I didn't want to hurt his feelings by giving him something expensive. Yet I wanted to give him the entire world. I was faced with a real dilemma and vacillated until the last minute. One morning, just days before Christmas, I awakened early knowing exactly what to buy him. Mark and Barbara own only one car. They always juggled their schedules so the car would be available to the one who needed it the most. I knew that Mark had planned to leave the car with Barbara and would need transportation when he arrived in California. Ever since Toyota introduced their full size Tundra Pickup Truck, Mark has dreamed of owning one. That morning, filled with excitement, I went to the Toyota dealership in the Santa Clarita Valley and purchased a beautiful new Tundra in his favorite color, Hunter Green. I knew he'd be thrilled yet probably object at the amount of money I spent. That was okay. I could stress the practicality of the gift. After all, I was driving my old and still dented Tercel. We'd need a reliable vehicle, wouldn't we?" I had mailed all of the gifts destined for Washington two weeks earlier. At the time I sent the parcels, I still hadn't decided on Mark's gift so I enclosed a note in a rather suggestive Gay greeting card. On the front of the envelope I wrote in bold letters, 'For Mark's eyes only'. My note read: My dear Mark, Throughout this wondrous season, when hearts and minds recall. The birth of one so lowly in a dirty manager stall. A man who in his wisdom embraced all men the same And never in His heart of hearts another would disdain And my heart too is humbled each time I think of how. That poor wayfaring Shepherd lad, continues giving now For deep within your eyes I see how each and every day. His gift of love is present in all you do and say. So now we're down to counting time, when together we will be. And on that very special day, my gift to you you'll see. I love you Mark. Merry Christmas, Steven P.S. Does the picture on the front of the card give you any ideas? Christmas morning I opened the many gifts and cards that I had received. I was deeply touched by the generous outpouring of love from my many friends. As I was finishing my second cup of coffee the phone rang. "Merry Christmas," I answered. "Merry Christmas sweetheart," Mark's tender voice sent my heart racing. "You can't begin to imagine the pandemonium taking place around our Christmas tree. We've opened the presents you sent. Thank you for making my family so happy. You spent a fortune on us." "I love you and your family so much. What I gave is a small token compared to what you've given me. You've given me the gift of happiness Mark. How can I ever match that? But, I'm glad everybody is happy with their gifts. I had a great time shopping for them. I just wish I could have sent your gift to you. I hope you don't mind waiting until you get home." "It seems we've waited all our lives. What are a few more days? We've gotten pretty good at it, don't you think? Besides, I already have what I want. All I want is you sweetheart." "I'm all yours babe. I'm really going to enjoy the presents everybody sent. Please thank them for me." "You'll get your chance, they all want to talk with you. Before I let you go I need to ask you something. Will you be home tomorrow?" "Yeah, I'm expecting a large shipment of fertilizers and soil amendments. Why?" "Because I'm sending a man over to see you." "Oh really. I hope he's cute." "I don't know, I've only spoken with him over the phone. He's got a nice voice." "Okay Mark, I give. Why is he coming?" "I can't tell you. It's a surprise. Just be patient my love." "Well I guess that's only fair. Whatever you're up to, thanks. I know it will be very special. I just wish you were the man coming to see me tomorrow." "I will be very soon and I'll never leave you again. Well, everybody is clamoring to talk with you so I'd better go." "Mark, just one more thing. Did you know that Carl sent me a subscription to Playgirl magazine?" "Yeah. He wanted to do it as a joke but was pretty nervous that you might be upset. I assured him that you would love it. Probably too much." "I gotta tell ya Mark, Mr. January has really got me worked up. You better get here soon. Merry Christmas my love. Goodbye for now." "Goodbye sweetheart. I love you too." I spoke with the entire clan for over an hour. By the time I hung up the phone my heart was overflowing. Afterward I cleaned up and headed over to my parents for breakfast. Kevin was there and feeling better about his life. He'd found a new job. It didn't pay as well as his previous one but it offered better benefits. He even called Brenda to wish her a Merry Christmas and she agreed to meet him for coffee so they could talk. I had dinner with Gary and Dan. I met them at Gary's home and we had a wonderful evening. Once again Gary out did himself in the kitchen. He prepared a very traditional Christmas feast. He roasted a goose and stuffed it with an oyster dressing. I'm not sure Dan was thrilled but I found it delicious. Gary and Dan had fallen deeply in love. I could tell that they would spend the rest of their lives together. Dan informed me that he would be moving in with Gary after the first of the year. He also assured me that the move would not impact his job. Pasadena is a good 45-minute drive from my home but there is rarely heavy traffic. We talked well past midnight and our conversation took some interesting turns. I learned a lot about their relationship and just how they felt about Mark and me. "Unless Gary cares, you're always welcome to stay with me if you're too tired to drive home. As far as I'm concerned the third bedroom is yours." ""Why would I mind?" Gary said. I think it's time we have a long overdue talk. Are you open to hear some honest feelings?" "Uh oh. Yeah, I guess so," I answered a bit nervously. Gary began. "The evening that Dan and I first told each other that we are in love, we had a long conversation about you." Dan spoke up. "I told Gary that I was in love with him and wanted to spend the rest of my life as his partner. Knowing that Gary had a fear of commitment; I was worried that he might not share my feelings. For a long time he looked into my eyes but said nothing at all. I felt vulnerable and exposed. Then I saw a tear form in his eye and I knew. He didn't need to say anything. I knew he was in love with me and would never hurt me. Finally he smiled and told me he wanted to be my partner too. "I explained to Dan why those words were so difficult for me to speak," Gary said. "I told him that I'd had many sexual partners in my life but had only been in love one time, and that relationship ended badly. But that night, as I looked into his eyes, I knew it was too late to back out. I'd already given my heart to him." I felt my own throat constricting with emotion as my two friends told me their story. Yet I couldn't help but wonder why they spoke about me on that special night. Other than getting the two of them together, my involvement had been minimal. Dan picked up the story. "We held each other and talked about many things. Gary told me about Greg and his other relationships. Since he had been honest with me about his past, I wanted to be truthful with him about mine. I told him about David and the girls I'd been with. I also told him about us, Steve." "About us?" I stammered. "Yes. I told him that I'm in love with you and probably always will be. I told him about our conversations and our mutual flirting. I'm deeply in love with Gary and want him for my partner and soul mate, but I still love you too. I had to be honest with him, and I want to be honest with you too. I must have had a horrified look on my face because Gary started laughing and told me I looked like hell. "It's okay pal," Gary said. I had become very nervous and although the house was cool, I could feel sweat forming on my brow. "Dan's confession forced me to admit that I too am in love with you," Gary said. "I've wanted a relationship with you since the day we met in church. At times it was all I could do to be civil with Mark. I was so jealous. Yet in my heart I knew Mark was the man God had chosen to be your mate. Mark is a giant among men and God chose wisely when he put the two of you together. But, alas, I too am in love with you, and always will be." I didn't know what to say. Here were my two closest friends both telling me that they are in love with me. I felt as if the room was closing in around me. My emotions were running wild and I couldn't sort through them. I could tell my face was flushed and all I could do was babble. Dan came to my rescue. "Steve, breathe, it's okay," he said while laughing. "We love you and we love Mark too. >From the very first night I met Mark I liked him. Do you remember that night I saw you two kissing? "Yes, how could I forget it?" "You looked so good together. Gary's right. You and Mark were meant to be lovers and lifetime partners. The same is true for Gary and myself." "I love Mark too," Gary was quick to interject. "Anybody that loves you as much as he does is a prince in my book. Good grief, the man almost worships you. Do you know how much that man is in love with you?" "Yeah, I think so." I was still reeling from the conversation. "If Mark ever finds out what I'm about to tell you, he'll kill me. The day following your fight Mark was close to an emotional breakdown. Somehow I knew you were okay, but I was very worried about him. Did he ever tell you what he did?" "No." "He tried calling you shortly after you left on your trip. Dan explained that you left suddenly. Knowing how upset you were and fearing the worst, he drove all day and night looking for you. He spent the entire next day on the phone trying to get any information he could regarding your whereabouts. He got into your computer and found the names and phone numbers of your customers. He called all of them. He didn't sleep a wink for over 72 hours. By the third day he was beside himself with worry and I really thought he was falling apart. I knew then and there that Mark Williams is a remarkable man and the one that would stand by your side." Dan joined in. "What we're trying to say is simple. We love you and Mark. And not just in a brotherly way. It's more than that. If you and Mark were willing, and we know you're not, we would enjoy a four-way relationship. Just keep that in mind. We'd never pressure you into it and we'll not love you any less if you decide not to." Dan's words left me in a stupor. I loved my two friends and found them both attractive. I could easily have an exciting sexual relationship with either one of them or both together, but my heart belonged to Mark. I had no desire whatsoever to engage in sex with anybody other than Mark. I was flattered by their feelings, but that was all. "I love you both and have for years. You guys are incredibly handsome and I'm flattered and honored that you have these feelings for me. If Mark were not in my life I'd like to have sex with both of you, right now. But Mark is in my life and I've given myself totally to him. I really hope you understand. I love you guys, and like you said, `not just in a brotherly way'. But I belong to Mark." Both Gary and Dan understood and expected my response. They assured me that their feelings wouldn't change but should mine, Mark and I would always be welcome. It was a remarkable evening and the strangest, fullest and happiest Christmas Day I'd ever had. Bareroot season was fast approaching and I had my work cut out for me. Roses, berries, rhubarb, asparagus, and some fruit trees are just a few of the many plants that sell well in late winter and early spring as bareroot stock. I was busy packaging freshly pruned roses in sawdust when a gorgeous silver Lexus SC Hardtop Convertible pulled into the parking lot. I watched as a man, around my age, got out of the car and started walking toward the store. Neither his vehicle nor his attire suggested that he was a customer. He was dressed in tan slacks with a deep green shirt underneath his open, brown jacket. His light brown hair was cut short and when he saw me, he smiled. He was nice looking. As he drew closer he extended his hand. "Good morning, what a beautiful day," he said. "It is indeed," I replied while shaking his hand and returning his smile. How can I help you?" "Actually you can't. I'm here to help you. Do you mind if I take my jacket off?" No, go ahead, it's pretty warm for late December. Enlighten me. How are you going to help me?" After my experience with Gilberto I was becoming a little bit nervous although the guy looked friendly enough. As he removed his jacket I could see that he had a good build. Standing about 5' 10" he looked like he should be modeling clothes for a men's magazine. "I've been given specific instructions to follow, so please allow me to carry them out. I'm sure you'll be quite happy," he said a bit timidly. I had forgotten that Mark said he was sending a man over to see me today. If I had remembered I would have been prepared for what happened next. He reached out and took both of my hands in his and looked into my eyes. "Merry Christmas sweetheart," he said softly. Leaning closer he gently kissed my lips then slowly pulled back, again looking deeply into my eyes. "That was from Mark," he said with a big smile on his face. "From Mark?" I said, obviously confused. "Yes, and that's not all." "Yikes, what's he going to do now?" I thought to myself. Seeing my confusion he smiled and asked me to sit down. "Let me explain," he said. "My name is Todd Nunnelee and I'm the owner of Carefree Hot Tubs. Two weeks ago I received a call from your boyfriend. He sent me here to help you pick out your new hot tub." "New hot tub?" I parroted rather stupidly. "Yes, Merry Christmas from Mark, Barbara and Carl. The hot tub is from all three of them. This kiss is from Mark alone." "Wow," was all I could say. "Mark knew you'd be totally surprised." "Do you know Mark?" I asked. "No, we've never met. I advertise my business in `The Advocate'. Mark saw the ad and called me. I'm Gay and my company is quite popular in the Southern California Gay community." "So Mark is reading the Advocate, that sly dog. I wonder where he found a copy?" "I don't know, but it was very important to him that I kiss you and call you sweetheart. I told him it depended on what you looked like and how much he was willing to pay for the hot tub. After his description of you I was more than happy to oblige." Todd grinned while looking me over thoroughly. "I've brought a catalog for you to look through. The tub is already paid for. Your job is to pick the one you and Mark will enjoy for many years. Dan will be here later this afternoon to begin pouring a concrete slab. He and Gary will also build a raised deck and pavilion. Your tub will be partially enclosed." "So Mark got Dan and Gary involved too? "Yes he did. He's coordinated everything. He's quite a guy. "He certainly is. I wish he were here now." "How long have you been together?" Todd asked. "Since college. We're going to be married next month." "Congratulations Steven. I wish you and Mark a lifetime of happiness. By the way, I spoke with Dan this morning. He wants you to know that he and Gary will be visiting you often to use the tub. He also wants you to get over any hang-ups you might have about nudity." I smiled remembering our conversation from the night before. Evidently Mark, Barbara and Carl had paid a handsome sum of money. I was only allowed to choose from the four deluxe models, all of which seated eight people. It was a difficult decision; they were all nice. I eventually chose the deep green model - Mark's favorite color. Dan arrived at 1:00 p.m. We decided to pour the slab just to the right of the covered rear patio. Most of the year I live outside. From spring through fall I barbecue most every evening and often sit outside on the patio until I'm ready for bed. I was already dreaming of the many romantic evenings Mark and I would share in our hot tub. "When did you and Mark talk about this?" I asked. "The night of the party with Sarah and Miguel. We've spoken several times over the phone since then. He is so excited. Sometimes Mark acts like a little boy. I really love that about him," Dan said. His eyes were smiling. "You've noticed," I said. "It takes so little to make Mark happy. He can be the most responsible and serious person I know. Yet underneath lives a happy, innocent little boy. The older I get the more jaded I become. Not so with Mark. He loves and trusts the world." "You know you're not going to be able to keep me and Gary away," Dan said with a pleading look on his handsome face. "Of course. You guys are always welcome here. I meant what I said last night. The third bedroom belongs to you and Gary. Use it whenever you want to. Mark feels the same way." "What do think about the four of us enjoying the hot tub together, without suits?" "I don't mind. I think it will be fun. I don't know how Mark will feel about it though. He'll probably be okay with you guys but I don't think he'll feel that way about anybody else." "Is he shy?" "Maybe a little bit. There's more involved though." "Like what?" "You know that Mark and I have been in love since we were in college, right? I told you the whole story." "Yes." "You also know that until November, we hadn't had sex. Infrequently we'd give each other massages that usually ended with one or both of us having an orgasm. But until my visit to Spokane, that is all we ever did together. We still haven't had intercourse. So you see, this is a very special personal time for us. It's taken years for us to get to this point. Our private times together are very important." "You guys have far more patience than I do." "You can imagine how frustrating it's been for us. When Mark and Barbara divorced we knew our time had finally arrived. Of course we had sex right away and it's been incredible. I dreamed about it every day of my life but had no idea how wonderful it would be. You see, I've only been intimate with one other person - a woman. That was entirely different for me. I didn't love her romantically and female sex just doesn't excite me. I appreciate female beauty but I'm seldom aroused by it. But even then, while I was involved with her, I was in love with Mark. I refused to admit that my sexual preference was for men but I knew Mark was the only person, male or female, that I wanted to make a commitment to. Mark is bisexual. He's had several female partners but I'm his first man. This is the first time either of us has had sex with a man so we decided to take is slow and enjoy every new experience. We both wanted to save intercourse for our wedding night." "I understand why you and Mark would be reluctant to share intimacy with anybody else at this time. If that ever changes, please remember that Gary and I love you and would enjoy a sexual relationship with both of you. Does Gary know everything you've told me?" "Most of it. I confided in him years ago, shortly after Mark and Barbara married. At that time I had no idea that you were bisexual or had feelings for me. If I had known I would have talked with you too. I don't have any secrets from either of you. Mark and I consider you to be our best friends and we love you very much. I'm confident that the four of us will continue to grow closer to each other." "Steve, you're going to enjoy anal sex. There's nothing quite like it. My first time was with Gary. Dave and I never did that and now I'm glad. The first time should be with your soul mate. It's more than just sex. Almost a spiritual experience, but a hell of a lot of fun too." "We're both very anxious. Does it hurt a lot at first?" "To be honest with you... yes. At least it did for me. But the pain doesn't last long and is replaced with exquisite pleasure. The physical sensations are indescribable. I don't think you can fully understand until you've done it. When you add the emotional and spiritual bond that is created between you and your lover, the experience is beyond words." I knew the best was still to come with Mark. Dan's words heightened my anticipation. To be continued. Thank you for your generous support. I've received many messages of encouragement and I'm sincerely thankful for each one. I feel as if I've made new friends, all over the world. I'll try to answer every message as quickly as possible. Please e-mail me at: rustynail920@yahoo.com Wishing you much happiness, Mark