Indulgence ©2005

By Jack Llawayllynn


Chapter 11: Drifting

Estaban noted the glassy, distant stare in Matt's eyes and sighed. He had known that once Matt saw Sin perform that he would be even more hooked on him than ever and now he could see that he had been right. It was time, he realized, to admit defeat, to admit that Matt was no more his than Sin had been. The two of them were drawn to one another, seemed to need the suffering they inflicted on each other. Two souls locked inside a strange hunger for violence, coming together perhaps by fate to bond deep within. They were perfect for each other. Matt seemed to be in another world. Estaban trailed in his wake, agonizing, mourning, but Matt didn't notice. Estaban followed Matt into the apartment and settled down on the couch while Matt went to fix some drinks.

"That was one of the most powerful scenes I have ever witnessed," Matt said when he sat down next to Esty and handed him a glass.

"I know. It stirs the blood doesn't it? Once you get a taste of something like that you crave more. Before you know it you'll be in a record store buying all the heavy metal you can find. When you go let me know and I'll recommend some really good shit." Estaban kicked off his shoes and propped his feet on the ottoman.

"That was some crazy shit Esty. Did you see that guy with the spikes in his head and the chains running behind them from one ear to the other? Weird, that's what those people were. Freaky. I bet there were some hard core criminals in that crowd."

"No doubt. They're a savage bunch, are Sin's fans. They'd do anything for him. Some guy in the audience had the balls to boo him once and the fans held him down and pissed on him, about a hundred or so of them. They guy nearly drowned in piss, literally. Sin laughed through it all, egging them on. He loved it. He's a sick fuck Matt. He's cruel, violent, arrogant, feral. Unfortunately that seems to matter little to you. You want him all the more for his peccadilloes. I understand, don't think that I don't. I feel his pull too. I can still remember the taste of him, the smell of him, the feel of his hands hurting me. I dream about it sometimes, long for it, but shit Matt, I can't live like that. I'm lonely. I want, no, need, someone to love, someone to love me. Someone who doesn't want to beat the shit out of me before he fucks me. There are no gentle moments with Sin. I want someone who needs me and wants me around all the time. I was hoping to find that with you, but well, you are just like Sin, hard corners and razor sharp edges. I'll kill myself trying to get close to you." Estaban finished his drink and set the glass down, his hand shaking.

"I'm sorry Esty. I know you had high hopes for me. I'm just not what you're looking for. You need someone softer, like you said. You need someone you can cuddle and take care of. It's not me." Matt put an arm around Estaban's shoulder and pulled him close to kiss his forehead. "I do care for you. I do wish happiness for you."

"I know that. You don't have Sin's streak of hatefulness. Still, I'm disappointed. I always hate starting over, looking for someone new. It's distasteful to me." Estaban rubbed a hand up and down Matt's thigh as he spoke, a worried yet affectionate gesture. Matt chuckled and put a hand over Esty's.

"You'll rub the denim off my leg if you keep that up."

There was a knock at the door and the two men glanced at each other. "Who's that? It's too damn early for it to be Sin."

"Hell if I know," Matt said as he rose. "I'm not expecting anyone." Matt produced the 9mm from the small of his back and went to peer through the peep hole then cursed. He opened the door and Drift stumbled in, blood all over his face and down his neck, his hands clenching his head.

"Shit kid! What happened?" Matt grabbed his arm and led him into the kitchen.

"Damn whore hit me up side the head with a bottle," Drift said through his teeth. "She kept screaming that I was some john that had stiffed her last week but it wasn't me, I swear. I'd never seen that amazon looking bitch before in my life and even if I had I wouldn't fuck her. She's nasty as shit. Made me miss the damn Chains show too." Drift sank down onto the stool that Matt pulled over for him. Estaban came to stand in the doorway and stare at them.

"Get me a towel, would you Esty?" Matt asked as he examined the gash. "At least she didn't fuck up your tattoo. The cut's about half an inch to the left of it."

"That's something at least," Drift sighed.

"You could use a couple of stitches."

"No! I am not going to a damn doctor! Hell no! They'll find out who I am, send me back to my shitty parents. No fucking way. I'd rather die," Drift averred.

"Okay, okay, I'll put some Band-Aids across it. That should hold it alright if you don't fuck with it."

Estaban came back with a couple of towels and a handful of wet cloths. Matt took a cloth and began to dab at the wound. "That your boy toy?" Drift asked bluntly, eyeing Estaban.

Estaban and Matt laughed. "Yeah, that's him." Matt winked at Estaban. "Drift, meet Estaban, or Esty as we call him sometimes. Estaban, meet Drift."

Drift reached out a hand to offer a handshake, realized it was bloody and dirty and pulled it back. "Sorry dude," he said to Estaban. Estaban smiled and leaned against the wall.

"Are you gay?" Esty asked, cocking his head to the side as he studied the various tattoos that were visible on the youth.

Drift shrugged.

"Well, are you or aren't you?" Estaban pressed.

"I...don't know. I've tried...stuff." Drift glanced at Matt helplessly.

"He's not gay," Matt said as he patted the bald head dry. "Not yet. He could be. I don't think he's made up his mind either way. He hasn't tried `stuff', he's just been used once, pretty roughly too."

"By you?" Estaban asked, his eyes hard now on Matt's face.

"Yeah, it was me."

Estaban turned his gaze back to Drift who was blushing a scarlet red that tinted not only his face but his ears and the his bald head too. "Did you like it?" Estaban queried and Drift blushed even deeper. "Well, did you?"

"It was...a little frightening but I needed the money," Drift mumbled and stared at the floor.

"Needed the money? Matt, you paid for sex?" Estaban looked deeply hurt, betrayed, belittled.

"There were circumstances Esty. Hell, I had just seen Sin fucking my ex-girlfriend. He set that little scene up to fuck with me and it did, real bad. Drift was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Matt finished covering the gash and began trying to wipe the blood from Drift's neck. Drift took the cloth from his hand and scrubbed at it himself. "Go to the bathroom and wash up. Take a bath, not a shower, you don't need to get those Band-Aids wet. Take off those clothes and put them in the wash before you infest my house with bugs. You know the routine."

Drift hopped down and grinned weakly as he passed Estaban.

"He's not very old," Estaban noted as he and Matt watched Drift walk away.


"Shit, you could go to jail for that."

"I could go to jail for a lot of the things I've done lately."

"He's cute."

"Yeah, he is. Desperate though. He's in to drugs and god knows what else. He's hit me up for money since that first night. No, I didn't use him again. I just paid him to keep me company for a night. He seems to be looking for someone to give a shit about him. He's lost and alone in the world. I don't know why he left home but he's adamant about not going back. I really think he'd try to kill himself before he'd let the law take him to his parents. The night I found him a cop pulled up, the kid could have told him he needed help but didn't, instead he seemed to think it was much safer to take his chances with me."

"I heard him mention Chains. I assume Sin knows about him?" Estaban asked, seating himself on the stool that Drift had vacated, watching as Matt putt the bloody towels and cloths in the sink to soak.

"He knows about him. Asked me if I was so desperate that I had to go out and bugger little boys."

"Are you?"

"God dammit Esty! I told you, there were circumstances! He was available and I was pissed off and horny." Matt slammed the box of Band-Aids on the counter.

"Did you hurt him?"

"No, not really. I tied him up, scared him a little maybe, but I didn't beat him or go rough if that's what you mean."

"He must not have been too traumatized if he came back. Did he get off?" Estaban noted the dangerous glare in Matt's eyes but ignored it, unconcerned.

"I took care of him," Matt snapped.

"I just bet you did." Estaban's tone dripped sarcasm. "Aren't you even a little ashamed of yourself, taking advantage of a drugged out runaway teenager for your own pleasure?"

"Fuck you. You sound like Sin. I don't need the two of you to judge me, okay? Get off my case. I paid him well, very well. If it hadn't been me it would have been some other fuck, one that might have killed him or beat him half to death. I didn't do him any lasting harm. I..." Matt stopped all of a sudden. "You've set your eye on him, haven't you Esty?"

"No, of course not. He's too young." Estaban looked away.

Drift came back in, bare to the waist, Matt's jeans sagging off his hips, and glanced from one to the other. "You two arguing? Shit, did I cause you trouble Matt?"

"No kid, you didn't cause me any trouble. Come here." Matt reached for him as Drift approached and gently put a hand on the back of his head, gingerly avoiding the gash. He drew Drift in close against his chest and looked down into his face. "Tell me something, did you hate what I did to you? Did you like it even a little?"

Drift blushed again. "I..." he looked over at Estaban who suddenly seemed very interested to hear what Drift would say. Drift swallowed and glanced back up at Matt. "I didn't like being tied up."

"What about the rest? If you could do it again, without being tied down, without being scared, would you? Did you like it or just do it because you really needed the money?" Matt pressed.

"Well, I only did if for the money, yeah, but it wasn't too bad, it wasn't like I was expecting it be. It felt kinda...good, you know?"

Matt chuckled and leaned down to kiss his head before releasing him and turning to Estaban. "See? No harm done."

"He didn't answer your other question." Estaban hopped down off the stool and went to stand in front of Drift. Estaban was only an inch or so taller than the boy, slighter of build across the shoulders but not by much. He eyed the boy and Drift seemed to want to step away from that glittering black gaze. "So, would you do it again?"

"For money? Yeah," Drift answered uneasily.

"What about for pleasure? Nothing but pleasure?"

"Maybe." Drift did step back, sweating under Estaban's steady gaze.

"You like girls?" Estaban asked him, stepping forward.

"Not really. They all remind me of my mom. She's a real bitch. A gutter slut. I hate her." Drift's eyes suddenly blazed, flashed with animosity.

"Mine too," Estaban said quietly. "She used to hold my head under water in the bathtub when she was pissed off at me, or anyone else really. She nearly drowned me more times than I can count. I cried with pure joy when she jumped off a bridge back home into downtown traffic. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving bitch."

Matt's mouth fell open. He had no idea that Estaban's childhood had been so horrific. Drift was staring into Estaban's eyes now, searching. "My mother held me down and burned me with her curling iron. I had most of the scars covered with tats but if you look you can still see them. She how the skin is kind of puffy under the dragon's neck?" Drift pointed out a roaring dragon tattooed on his chest and Estaban looked closer.

"I see it. How old were you when she did that?"

Drift shrugged. "Four or five I guess. Look at my shoulder." Drift turned around. "See that little straight scar? That's where she threw a steak knife at me and it stuck in my back while I was trying to run from her. I was ten then." Drift turned back around. "I got this one on my neck from a car cigarette lighter. We had been arguing again and she stuck it to my neck when I turned to look out the window. I was thirteen. When she stopped the car I dragged her out and beat the shit out of her. When dad got home he tied me up and left me in my room for four days."

Matt groaned and turned away. He didn't want to hear anymore. All he could think about was how Drift had gnashed his teeth over the gag and how hard it must have been for Drift to endure being tied down after surviving four days of captivity.

Matt thought about his own mother, overly religious and strict but a good mother nonetheless, one he loved dearly. He couldn't imagine having a mother who hated him and intentionally hurt him.

"That's pretty rough," Estaban was saying, "but I can relate. My mom used to shackle me to the bed when she went out whoring. She never left me for more than a day but I hate even the thought of being tied down." Estaban shivered.

"Enough! Change the subject please!" Matt said in distress. "I can't take it!" Drift and Estaban turned to look at him as if they had forgotten he was there. "Why don't we all have a drink?"

"He's too young to drink," Estaban muttered.

"Said the sleazy bar owner," Matt laughed, giving Esty's shoulder a squeeze to take the sting from his words. "He does a hell of a lot worse than drink out there on the streets Esty."

"I do," Drift admitted.

Estaban shrugged and Matt took down a bottle. He started to take down some glasses but stopped and left them in the cabinet. Instead he unscrewed the cap, drank from the bottle and passed it to Estaban who drank and passed it over to Drift. "Like that is it?" Drift asked before turning the bottle up. They all made their way into the living room and sat down, Matt and Esty on the couch, Drift sitting cross-legged at their feet on the floor. Estaban began telling them of the antics that his cats entertained him with as they passed the bottle back and forth.

"I had a cat once but my dad got pissed off and broke its neck," Drift said mournfully.

"Let's not go there again tonight kid. I feel horrible already as it is. Why didn't you tell me you couldn't handle being tied down?" Matt asked.

Drift shrugged. "I tried to tell you, remember?"

"Shit," Matt groaned and reached for the bottle. "I'm real sorry kid."

"It's okay. You didn't really hurt me and you didn't leave me there for long. Besides, I could tell you weren't really cruel. You kept rubbing my head, talking in my ear. It was kind of reassuring, you know, soothing like."

Matt reached down and carefully rubbed his head again. "Still, I'm sorry. I'm selfish, especially when I'm mad."

They passed the bottle around a few more times in silence. Drift asked if it was alright for him to smoke a joint and Matt let him, surprised a little when Esty took a few hits too. After a while Matt and Estaban glanced down at Drift at the same time, then at each other. Estaban lifted a brow and Matt shrugged, both wondering the same thing. Matt looked back down at Drift who was a little bleary-eyed and sluggish. "Come up here kid," Matt said, patting the couch between him and Estaban. Drift crawled across the floor and up onto the couch between them. Matt wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in close to kiss him softly on the lips. Drift looked up shocked when Matt's lips left his.

"Dude..." Drift said, unsure, speechless. Estaban reached over and trailed his fingers across the back of Drift's neck and watched him shutter. "I...I..." Drift stammered. "I don't know..."

Estaban slid off the couch onto the floor and motioned for Matt to join him. Matt abandoned Drift, joining Estaban at Drift's feet. Estaban pushed Matt down onto his back and leaned over to kiss him deeply. Drift watched wide eyed. Matt reached up and tangled his fingers in Estaban's hair, growling a little into the kiss. Estaban lifted his head, glanced over at Drift and smiled. Drift blushed again. Estaban leaned down and kissed Matt's neck as Matt arched from the floor, exposing his throat to Estaban's teasing lips. Estaban's fine brown hands ran down the length of Matt's torso, exploring. Finally his hand cupped the bulge that was quickly growing in Matt's jeans. Matt inhaled deeply. Estaban pulled back and paused in his caress long enough to remove his own shirt. Matt followed his example. Estaban held a hand out to Drift. "Want to join us?" Drift shook his head but his eyes traveled over the exposed flesh before him. "We could tie Matt up," Estaban teased. Matt lifted a brow and almost protested but didn't. Again Drift shook his head. Estaban shrugged and bent over Matt's chest to bite him, lick him, tease him. Esty bit down gently on Matt's nipple and Matt jerked involuntarily. Estaban unbuttoned Matt's jeans, unzipped them and worked them down over his hips. He quickly freed Matt's cock from his underwear, grasped it and lowered his mouth, taking him inside slowly. Matt's gasp was echoed by Drift's on the couch as he watched. Estaban knelt between Matt knees and sucked him slowly, gently. Matt groaned and turned his head, his eyes clenched in pure pleasure. Suddenly Estaban stopped.

"You cruel bastard,' Matt grumbled and Estaban smiled mischievously as he turned to Drift.

"Come on," Esty said, eyeing the youth. "No ties. I promise. I know you want to. You've got a tent in your jeans."

Drift glanced down at himself, at his dick poking up in the oversized jeans, then glanced back at Estaban. Drift liked Estaban, thought he looked exotic and exciting but he was frightened. He glanced at Matt for reassurance. Matt had scared him once but since then he had shown him a much gentler side. Matt gave him a wink. "Come on kid. Estaban's a very patient lover. He won't push you like I did. Don't worry, I won't touch you this time. You can go as fast or as slow as you wish."

Drift still hesitated. Estaban leaned away from Matt, ran a hand up Drift's thigh from his knee to his crotch and pressed on Drift's erection with his palm. "Come on," he coaxed. Again Drift shook his head. Estaban stood, towering over the kid a little, and put his hand on the back of Drift's neck. He leaned over and whispered, "There's nothing to fear. I won't let you come to harm. I'll protect you. If you're afraid Matt will get violent then you can relax because I won't allow it. I've already kicked his ass a couple of times, I'll do it again if need be. Don't be afraid. You'll like this, I promise. Trust me, just look into my eyes and trust me." Drift looked up into his eyes, seemed to want to believe, want to trust. "If you get scared just look into my eyes. I won't abandon you to your fear," Estaban told him quietly. Esty took Drift's hand and pull him to his feet. He didn't break eye contact but kept Drift focused on him. Slowly he reached out and undid the jeans and pushed them off the kid's hips. He wasn't wearing underwear. Matt watched from the floor as Estaban slowly lowered himself and took Drift's dick into his mouth as he had Matt's. Drift shivered visibly, his hands immediately going to rest in Estaban's soft hair. Estaban teased him a moment then backed away. Drift's eyes fluttered open in confusion.

"Sit in that chair over there," Estaban instructed him. Drift crossed to the chair and sat. Estaban shed his own jeans and crossed to the kid, went down on his knees and began to suck him once more. Matt rose from the floor and went to stand to the left of the chair. He bent and kissed Drift's lips lightly, his hand traveling over the kid's chest, across his shoulders, and back again. Drift tilted his head back to give Matt full access to his mouth, letting Matt plunge his tongue in and explore while Estaban greedily swallowed Drift's cock again and again.

Matt pulled back and turned away to grasp Estaban's hair and pull his head up, away from Drift's cock to his own throbbing dick. Drift watched fascinated as Estaban obliged, wetting Matt's dick thoroughly as he took it deep into his throat, grasping as Matt's ass, moaning around his thickness. Matt closed his eyes, savoring, very aware of Drift's gaze upon his body, of Drift watching in wonder as Estaban went down on him. Suddenly not wanting to share this wonderful feeling Matt had to force himself to release Estaban's hair and allow him to return his mouth to Drift's cock. Slick with saliva and aching Matt knelt behind Estaban and entered him, hearing Estaban groan and knowing the pleasure that Drift was feeling from that throaty sound as the vibrations traveled from vocal chords to penis to balls. Matt buried himself deeply in Esty's beautiful ass, his hands splayed over Estaban's hip bones. Slowly Matt opened his eyes to find Drift staring at him wide eyed, his fascination tinged with a little fear. Matt tightened his hands on Esty's hips to warn him of Drift's distress. Estaban lifted his head, looked up and saw Drift's apprehension.

"Look at me," Estaban whispered. Drift pulled his eyes from Matt's and looked down into Estaban's dark brown eyes, eyes so brown as to almost be black, eyes so deep that one could drown there. Drift reached down, hesitated, pulled his hand back. Matt still gripped Estaban's hips, his dick buried deep in Esty's ass but he held still, watching as Estaban tamed the skittish youth with a look. Drift's eyes closed, opened, stared into Estaban's soul. Slowly the hand reached out once more, tangled in the straight black hair and guided Estaban's mouth back to Drift's dick. Drift's eyes rolled back as Estaban took all of him and Matt sighed in relief before leaning over Estaban and fucking him gently, slowly, careful not to disturb Estaban's rhythm. Matt looked up to find Drift watching him once more. Their eyes met and held. This time the fear did not return, only lust blazed in the boy's eyes and Matt boldly drove into Estaban a little harder. This time when Esty moaned Drift's eyes squeezed shut, his hands clasped onto the back of Estaban's head and his hips lifted from the chair. Drift's chin dropped and he made a sound as if he were choking, or sobbing, before taking a great gulp of air. Watching him peak like that was too much for Matt and he came suddenly, without warning, doubled over Esty's back, one arm wrapped around Esty's chest, the other straight and straining under his own weight and the sudden draining power of his orgasm. Estaban took it all stoutly, his small body like iron under Matt's weight, lifting his head for air. Matt sat back on his heels panting. As soon as he caught his breath he waved a hand at Drift. "Move kid," he said gravely, his voice rumbling with the aftershocks of his passion. Unsure if Matt was angry Drift quickly vacated the chair. Matt turned Estaban around and shoved him up into the chair. Now Matt was positioned where Estaban had been a moment earlier, Estaban where Drift had been. Matt smiled up at Esty and then went down on him, using the techniques that he had been practicing on Estaban these last few weeks. Giving head was easy for him now, easy and enjoyable. Estaban tasted familiar, a taste that Matt had developed a strong liking for. He didn't waste time teasing and pleasing tonight though. He brought Estaban to a quick and much needed peak, swallowing as Estaban had taught him to do.

Esty emptied himself down Matt's throat with a powerful rush of pleasure but with a rush of regret too. He knew he would never know this again, that after tonight there would be no more sex with Matt. Matt would go to Sin, this Estaban was sure of, and Matt would stay. He felt it in his bones, his heart, his balls. He held on to Matt's hair a little longer than was polite before finally releasing him, wanting to hold on forever, wanting to cry.