Indulgence ©2009

By Jack Llawayllynn


Chapter 35: Winding It Up

They were released from the hospital on the same day. Though Dr. Jamison said she would have liked to keep them both a little longer she said they were too much of a liability to the hospital and her career if they were not going to continue to stay put in their own beds.

"We rest better when we're together," Matt informed her as she was taking his vitals.

"You know what? I actually believe that's true. That's another reason I'm sending you two home. I believe you'll look out for each other, make sure the other is taking their antibiotics, generally nag the other to do the right thing and take it easy. That and I'm not willing to face a lawsuit when another one of you rolls out of bed onto the floor because you're trying to cram two bodies on a bed made for one."

So they went home. Estaban drove them in the new minivan he had purchased on his return back to America with Drift. The back was filled with floral arrangements and odd gifts that Sin and Matt had been deluged with from friends, family, and club members. As Sin had predicted Stan and Kim had come by to visit them, acting as if they had had no part in Sin's beating. Gunner and Trev had stopped by. Of course Matt's mother and Aunt Sylvia had been regulars as had Estaban and Drift.

Sin had been for the most part silent and withdrawn during visits but had put on quite a show for Stan and Kim as if they were his long lost buddies. Personally Matt wanted to kill them both and their visit was his turn to be silent and withdrawn. The way Matt saw it he agreed that Stan should never have been put in the position to take Matt's collar but on the other hand Stan had gone through with it, or tried to anyway, and when he couldn't he had handed Matt over to the worst monster possible. Matt would not be so forgiving as Sin when it came to Stan and Kim.

"Come look Matt," Sin was standing by the fish aquarium while Drift and Esty arranged all the flowers around the apartment. "Stan and Kim left us a gift here too."

"I know. I saw it. Just what we needed. Especially since they brought that while you were gone. Even the damn squid had a mate while I was left out alone in the cold."

"You didn't stay alone long. You had Andy, Razor and Froggie, and Gunner and god knows who else. You were a raving whore while I was gone."

They had already told each other their experiences, talking softly and gently to one another in the darkness and disinfectant smell of the hospital bed but this was the first time that the viciousness of their feelings had surfaced so strongly that they voiced them.

Drift looked at Estaban and motioned him over. "They aren't going to go at it, are they?" he asked in a whisper. Both men still sported bruises on their faces and bandages. Sin wore a bandage over one eye and Matt on his chest. "They'd kill each other."

"No, don't worry. Coming home together like this has brought it all back to them. They'll bicker a little but end up in bed together."

"Is that safe?"

Estaban shrugged then raised his voice. "Guess we'll be going guys. There's a house over on High Street that we want to look at. I don't want to go back to the old apartment and a house would be much nicer. The cats would have more room to play in."

Sin and Matt said their polite goodbyes but the tension around them could be cut with a knife. Drift hoped there wouldn't be any knives involved once they left.

"A whore?" Matt whirled on Sin as soon as the door closed. "You have the fucking nerve to call me a whore? You've fucked enough people to fill a football stadium!"

Sin slapped him. Matt slapped him back. They both stood panting a moment then grabbed for one another, grappling and ripping at clothing. Naked they fell against the couch and Matt cried out, Sin moaned. Neither of them was in shape for a soul cleansing rumble. Sin, undaunted, grabbed Matt's arm and hauled him into the bedroom where he tossed him over onto the bed. Matt crawled away but only so that he could reach the bedside table. He flipped the phone off the hook and rummaged in the drawer, coming up with a tube of lubricant that he tossed to Sin. Sin was already most mightily roused and lubed up his cock thickly. Matt rolled over, up onto hands and knees and presented his bare ass to Sin. Sin took him swift and hard, careless of their injuries, all pain now left in need and pleasure. Matt rocked against him harder and harder until he felt Sin's cock swell and pulse. Sin fell over Matt's back, breathing hard, rested a moment then rose and flipped him over, taking Matt's dick deep into his mouth. He sucked him so hard it hurt and Matt writhed under him, groaning and clutching at Sin's hair. When he came it was a violent release, long withheld and much needed. Sin slid up Matt's body and lay over him. He kissed Matt deeply, the taste of sex on his lips then he laid his forehead against Matt's.

"I shouldn't have called you a whore. I'm the one who left. Whatever happened after that was my own fault."

Matt sighed and trailed his fingers up and down Sin's back. "Who raped you Sin? I know you know who it was."

Sin was silent a long time. "It doesn't matter," he said at last.

"It matters to me," Matt whispered, staring up at the ceiling. Sin rolled off him and settled beside Matt, the sweat on their bodies glistening.

"I might tell you one day but not now. When will you explain that collar to me?"

"One day, but not now," Matt responded in kind.

"I'm sorry Matt," Sin said so softly that Matt barely heard him.

"I'm sorry for most of it too."

"Most of it?" Sin asked angrily, propping himself up on one elbow.

"Yeah. What? You want me to be sorry for figuring out why you ran and going to Gunner to prove that I wasn't the brainwashed little fuck you thought I was? I needed Gunner. And not just for the proof. You ran out on me. Yeah Andy was a big mistake but not Gunner. I wanted him to use me hard."

"And I guess you wanted Gunner to lash me half to death too huh?" Sin demanded angrily.

"That was Gunner? Are you sure?

"Yes I'm sure. I have them all figured out except maybe for one."

"The one that raped you?"

"Oh no, that one was easy. He didn't even try to hide it. In fact he made sure I'd never forget it and neither will you."

"What do you mean?"

Sin rolled away and flicked on the beside lamp then peeled off the bandage over his eye to expose the two slash marks, three stitches in each.

"Fucking Razor," Matt growled.

"Of course it was Razor."

"Why don't you turn him in?"

"For one it's Club business, and for another I would have done the same to him if I were in his shoes. Trev told me Froggie suffered a lot while you had him."

"Hey, I wasn't that hard on the kid and I certainly didn't slice him up like Razor does."

"He meant emotionally Matt. Froggie isn't physically vulnerable. There's something wired wrong in his head and he doesn't feel much physical pain but he feels emotional pain twice as much or more than the normal person."

Matt shrugged. "I'm not sorry for what I did to Froggie either."

"I don't expect you to be. Look, it's all in the past now. Yeah, I'm still pissed about Gunner and I'm going to be for a long time but you don't have to tell me that I brought it all on myself. I know that now."

"So what are we going to do about Razor?"

"Nothing. I said it was all over, in the past. Try listening."

"Club business should be conducted in the club, not in some railcar where you could have died if those kids hadn't found you. I'm not inclined to just let that go and I don't take kindly to you having been marked."

"You're marked. So now we match. Let it go." Sin snapped the light off again but not before Matt had seen an expression of rage and pain cross Sin's face. "I talked to Silverman earlier. Told him we'd be back on stage in two weeks," he said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, okay, but I can't do anything other some minor backup vocals for months yet. Doc says the lung has to heal more."

"I really don't think it's you they're worried about."

Matt snorted, knowing Sin was right. Matt reached out and found Sin's hand and entwined his fingers with Sin's. He brought their twined hands up to his mouth and kissed Sin's knuckles. "Sin, I know about Stan and Kim starting it and now I know it was Gunner and Razor who finished it but who were the two in the middle?"

"Cooper and Andy, I think. No, I don't just think it, I'm sure. It was Cooper and Andy."

"No way!"

"It was them. I'm sure of Andy at any rate and the only one who would pair up with him would be his newly beloved master. They were so pathetic too. I could smell the fear pouring off of Andy and Cooper is such a damn teddy bear, just like Stan, he was pulling every punch. I would have laughed at them if they hadn't gagged me, the shits."

"But why? What grudge do they hold against you?"

"Ah, it would have come from Cooper I'm sure. He sees Andy as gold but you just played with him and threw him away like trash. Cooper took it to heart once Andy became his I guess. It really doesn't matter, they didn't do me any real harm."

"I ought to fuck Andy up! Really give Cooper a reason to feel violated."

"No Matt. Just let it go. It's over now and everyone is satisfied with themselves. I don't want anymore shit stirred up, okay?"

"I don't like it. Not one bit! I want to kill all of them but I'll do as you say Sin. I'll mind you but I don't like it."

"Matt, tell me about the collar."

"Not right now. That is the one thing I'm not going to mind you about. I'll tell you when and if I'm ready to."

Sin didn't respond. They lay in silence, thinking their own thoughts until both of them fell asleep.

* * * * *

Matt and Sin cleaned out their refrigerator the next morning, throwing away the food that had spoiled in their absence. Esty and Drift had volunteered to help but had been turned down. There was a quiet peace between Matt and Sin right now and they didn't want that interrupted. Both felt fragile and used but also had a strange serenity, a sense of coming home for good.

"Are you up to going to the grocery store or should we make up a list and call it in?" Matt asked as he dumped the last container from the fridge into the garbage.

"Let's go get it ourselves. I'm feeling rather domestic." Sin said, his voice strangely soft.

"Domestic?" Matt asked, his eyes suddenly taking on a sparkle that Sin could only describe to himself as excited.

"That turn you on or something Matt?" Sin asked, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms, giving Matt a steely glare. His face was still bruised in places and the two slash marks showed vividly in his black brow.

"Or something," Matt said. "Tell me what you mean by domestic."

Sin shrugged, feeling suddenly stupid and silly that he'd spoken his feelings aloud. "I don't know."

"Yes you do. Tell me."

"You'll pester the piss out of me about this if I don't try to explain it won't you?"


"Fine. It's just something that married people would do together maybe. I just thought we could do the couple thing and go out and get some damn food to stock the cupboards. That okay by you?"

"Are you serious?" Matt asked, that spark in his eye stronger.

Sin stared at him suspiciously. "You got a hard on or what Matt?"

Matt took Sin by the arm and pulled him in close, kissing him and pressing his groin against Sin's. Matt did indeed have a hard on. He stepped back and grabbed Sin's hand and began towing him toward the bedroom. Sin followed out of sheer curiosity. Matt gave him a small push to get him to sit on the edge of the bed. Matt went down on his knees in front of him, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

"Do you love me Sin?" Matt asked from his position on the floor.

Sin looked away. "You know I hate this sappy kind of shit Matt. My body isn't in the best shape of my life right now you know. I hurt all over. The pain killers slow me down but I still need them. If it weren't for that I'd already have you fucked raw and bleeding again. It will always be like that Matt. I will always abuse you."

"Yeah, I know. But do you love me?"

Sin crossed his arms on his chest and stared down at Matt. "What is this all about?"

"Just answer the damn question."

"I've told you before that I do," Sin said sullenly.

"I know but you didn't always mean it. I want to know if you mean it. I know you love hurting me, you love fucking me, you love playing mind games with me, but do you love me?"

Sin laughed and reached down to take Matt's chin in one hand. He turned Matt's head one way, then the other as if examining him for brain damage. "You aren't making sense Matt."

The spark died in Matt's eyes and he rose to his feet and walked away. Sin sprang after him, caught his arm and spun Matt to face him. "Matt, I love you. All that you said about me loving to hurt you, to fuck you, to play with you, it's all true. But yes, I do love you. I love you enough to know that I don't want to leave again, to know that I won't let you leave either. I might would even kill you if you decided to leave now. We've been through too much. It's changed me. I want, I need, to own more than your body. You're more than just my play toy slave," Sin said, his fingers slipping under Matt's collar to rub the tender skin there. The fingers slid free and the hand clamped around Matt's throat and squeezed. "I may be changed by the last few months but I'm also the same. Don't go getting the notion that life will be different with me than it was before."

Matt reached up and clamped a hand around Sin's wrist and dislodged his hand from his throat so he could speak. "I just want it to be different in one way. I want you to love me, really love me."

"I do Matt," Sin said, his voice harsh. "Is that what you need to hear? Well I do. I love you and this time I'm keeping you for good. Understand?" Sin shoved Matt suddenly and Matt hit the wall hard, knocking the breath from his body. Then Sin was on him, pushing him down hard, down onto his knees. Sin fumbled his dick out with his other hand and pushed Matt's mouth toward it. Matt complied but Sin kept his hand on the back of Matt head, barely letting him breathe. It took a long time for Sin to come. Matt really had to work at it but he did so with abandon. When Sin finally came Matt swallowed hard, swallowed it all and listened to Sin purr. Then Sin pushed him away and stalked back over to the bed, plopping down on it in exhaustion. Matt wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"We'll go shopping after I rest," Sin informed him as he threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light.

Matt went to the bedside table and opened the drawer. He took out the black raven collar. Sin removed his arm curiously to see what Matt was doing. He waited in silence while Matt turned the collar round and round in his hands.

"It's not a slave collar," Matt said, his eyes meeting Sin's for a moment then looking away.

"I could tell that. No rings and no place to put rings. Without a ring no leash. So what is it?"

Matt sat down on the side of the bed. "Sin, I want to get married."

Sin sat bolt upright. "Married? What, you've been hiding a woman out somewhere all this time. Did you meet her after I left or have you only been seeing her behind my back since my return?" Sin's eye flashed with a nearly insane anger. "You start all this shit talk about love then you tell me you want to marry some woman? Let me guess, you saw Fawn for all those days, decided you wanted kids of your own and found a woman. A woman who will never know that you're gay and have a male lover stashed away in an apartment somewhere nearby. Fuck you Matt." Sin moved like lightening and smashed his fist into Matt's jaw.

"Damn it Sin!" Matt growled as he picked himself up off the floor, rubbing at his jaw. "You always assume the worst of everyone! I want to marry YOU!"

Sin staggered back. "You what? That's not even legal."

"Not in this state but it is in others. So what if they don't recognize it here. It will mean a lot to me. It matters to me. It would tell me you are really serious about us this time and you won't run off again."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Then marry me."

Sin stared at Matt a long time. "What's the collar for?"

"It's...It's a wedding band of sorts. I thought about buying you a ring but...well, the collar just has special significance between us. You know it does."

Sin sat back down on the bed staring at the collar in Matt's hand, absently rubbing his bruised knuckles.

"You did say you loved me."

"A wedding collar, is that what that thing is Matt?"

"I was hoping so."

Sin laughed lightly. "Very inventive."

"Say yes Sin. Please. We can fly out of state and get married and return with no one the wiser but us. I want you in my life forever Sin."

"I have to think about this," Sin said and lay back down on the bed, closing his eyes. "Just let me think kid."

Matt flushed. It felt good to hear Sin call him "kid" again. He hadn't done it in so long. What used to feel demeaning now felt special. Matt stood there looking down at Sin, at all his hopes and dreams laid out on the bed, long limbed and sleek. He wanted desperately for Sin to say yes. Finally Matt turned and left the room.

* * * * *

Matt knew not to pressure Sin for an answer. When Sin had finally come out of the bedroom he had told Matt to get dressed to go grocery shopping so that's what Matt did. They browsed the aisles slowly picking out an item here, an item there, spending a long while in the meat section all the while ignoring the startled and curious looks from people who noticed their battered conditions.

"We're forgetting something, I know we are," Matt grumbled.

"Milk," Sin said absently as he added more steaks to the cart.

"Yeah, that too. It's on the next aisle anyway."

They rounded the corner to see a man round it on the other end, a cute little girl of about five or six years old clinging to his hand, her pigtails dancing as she skipped to keep up. "Can I pick out the ice creams Daddy?" Matt heard her ask.

"Of course Pumpkin, whichever one you want. Then I'll pick out a flavor for Mommy, okay?"

"Okay," the little girl piped up.

Matt was ignoring them now but sensed a strange hesitation in Sin's demeanor and looked up again. The man seemed to be what had caught Sin's attention. Matt wondered if Sin was checking him out and took a good look at him himself. The man was about Matt's own height and Matt could tell the man kept himself in good shape. It showed in the ripple of muscle under the expensive dress shirt and width of calf under the designer pants. The man's face was very nicely chiseled, his eyes well spaced, his nose straight, his lips masculine. It was his hair that ruined the overall effect though. He was balding on top and the ruff around the bald area was a bit too long. He would look ten times better if he just shaved it all off and went for the smooth bald look. Yeah, Matt could understand Sin checking him out, but still, too bad about that haircut.

The man looked up, saw Matt and Sin and stopped. The little girl let go of his hand and ran to the ice cream section, standing on tip toes to see the selections. "You find your ice cream honey, I'm just going over to say hi to a friend okay?"

"Okay Daddy."

Matt watched the man approach warily. There was a something in his walk, a bit of swagger maybe? Matt wasn't sure. The man's greeting smile was friendly though, with a dimple in one cheek and Matt relaxed. That smile was nothing short of utterly charming.

"Hello Michael," the man said, offering his hand to Sin. Sin shook it without pause.

"How goes it Wade?"

"Good, good. Got promoted. Moved to a bigger house, one with a playground for the kids. Heard about your accident. You look pretty rough."

"Congratulations on your new house. Heard someone stole your dog."

"They did but I got it back."

"Had to ransom the poor thing didn't you?"

"Very nearly. Heard you sent yours to the dog pound."

"Changed my mind."

Matt felt creepy crawlies down his back. Sin and this man Wade were not talking about dogs. Sin didn't own a dog and hadn't in years.

"Dog got lucky then I guess. Who knows who would have wound up with it otherwise."

"Sometimes bad things happen," was Sin's strange response.

The man grinned again, that dimple peeping out but the smile was cold. Matt stared at the man. He thought again that the hair style was just totally out of context with the man's fine dress, fine figure and startling green eyes. Matt wondered suddenly why Sin hadn't bothered to offer to make introductions.

"I found it Daddy!" the little girl's voice broke the strained silence.

"Alright sweetheart, I'm coming," the man called over his shoulder. "Well it was nice running into you Michael. Bye Matt." The man turned and walked away.

"How the hell did he know my name?" Matt hissed at Sin. "You didn't introduce us."

"You didn't recognize him?"

"I've never seen him before in my life."

Sin snorted and turned away, his back straight, shoulders back, his posture pure rage. Matt glanced back to see the man hand one half gallon of ice cream to the little girl then take out another and head toward the registers. Matt stared, trying to place the man. There had been something...what was it? Something was tugging at his memory. The dimple? No. The strange hair? Definitely not. The eyes? Oh god, those green eyes. How could he have been so stupid?

"Razor. That was Razor wasn't it?" Matt breathed, clutching the side of the cart to support his suddenly weak knees.

"In the flesh," Sin ground out between his teeth.

"He has a family? Kids?"

"Three kids. Two girls and a boy. Oh and a wife of course. Which is why I won't seek retribution for what he's done, to you or to me. Yep, he's a fine upstanding family man in the banking business. With a few mob connections if I don't miss my guess." Sin grabbed a gallon of milk without checking the date and chunked it in the cart. "Just your all around average American Joe."

"Sin, I want a dog."

"What?" San asked, startlement widening his eyes.

"I said I want a damn dog. A real one. Next time I listen to a conversation about your damn dog I don't want it to be about me!"

Somehow it was the right thing to say. The tension seemed to just leak out of Sin and he threw back his head and howled with laughter. Wade, aka Razor, had just finished paying for his ice cream. His head jerked back in their direction and he glared with hatred, thinking that Sin was laughing at him. That only made Sin laugh harder. Matt couldn't help but join in.

* * * * * *

Matt chose a mutt from the shelter. Just a medium sized mixed with everything type of dog, dusty brown and wiry. The dog flew cargo while Sin, Matt, Esty, and Drift flew first class. Matt had insisted that the dog attend the wedding ceremony and Sin was inclined to grant Matt's every wish for his wedding day.

Matt had expected only the five of them to attend. Sin, himself, the dog, Esty and Drift. Estaban and Drift had found the marriage idea so romantic they too had decided to tie the knot. What Matt hadn't expected was the guests. Sin and Estaban had been busy behind Matt's back and the small non denominational church was crowded. Sin's father was finally in the clear and had brought along his own wife to be. They too would marry this day. A triple wedding. McKenna got a special surprise when Nathan and his family showed up for the ceremonies. Matt's mother and Aunt Sylvia attended as did Silverman, Jill, Andy, Cooper, Kim, Stan, Trev, Gunner and Gunner's slave Dart among others. Even Debroy flew out to celebrate the nuptials in appreciation of Sin signing his music contract (after much tweeking on Sin's part first) and for tipping him off about Country Range who had also signed on with Debroy. O'Neal Corban sent money and a card saying that he had found a true mate for himself in the artist Printice Allan.

Matt and Sin wrote their own vows and exchanged rings but Matt also placed Sin's new collar around Sin's lovely throat. Matt had never been happier and if he was honest about it neither had Sin.

THE END©2009

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