Date: Sat, 27 Mar 2004 08:47:04 -0700
From: dragonwriter@comcast.net
Subject: Josh's Journey: Christmas Chaos

	This is dedicated to the great guys and gals at IRC chat room
#Gayfiction... with out them this would have been finished FOUR days ago!
You guys are great!


	Josh's Journey: Christmas Mayhem

	Saturday morning, after Thanksgiving, we were at Kaleb's studio
bright and early. I think Kel was even MORE excited to see the pictures
than he was to have the pictures taken! Kaleb was waiting and motioned us
back into the studio. It seemed almost forlorn today, with just a table and
a couple stools in it. Xan erupted from a side room and swept me into a
bear hug almost before I saw him coming.

	"YOSS!" He shouted squeezing the daylights out of me.

	"I think he knows his name, Xan" Kaleb said signing. "You don't
have to yell loud enough to be heard in Spokane!"  Kaleb grinned and Kel
chuckled.

	I squeezed Xan in return and heard several ribs go pop. He grunted
and then kissed me. For a moment I was swept away from the studio, floating
in a haze of sensation. Then a light flashed beside me and I was back in
the studio wrapped in my best friend's arms. Kaleb was holding a
camera. Xan grinned at me, damn, he was one gorgeous man!

	Kel tapped Xan on the arm. "Ahem! That's MY man you're smooching
there." He grinned.

	Xan looked down and let go of me so fast I almost fell over. He
grabbed Kel's left hand and held it up. The gold and black ring, Sunrise,
sparkled under the studio lights. Kaleb whistled in appreciation and laid
the camera on the table. He came over to look at Kel's ring.

	"Damn Josh, you do go all out don't you?" Kaleb said. "Is this what
Antonine called me about?" I nodded wondering if Kaleb thought they were
cheap. "Antonine's work is spectacular isn't it?"

	Relief flowed through me, if Kaleb liked them, then they must be
good! I hadn't ever thought of myself as artistic, but Sunrise was Crystal
and Tova, Kel and me all wrapped together. Kaleb took Kel's hand and tipped
it examining the ring from all angles. Sunrise flickered in the light. Xan
made admiring noises and examined my ring as well. There was lots of
hugging and back slapping, and congratulations offered. Now I was feeling
officially married!

	Somehow, we got around to looking at the pictures. There was plenty
of teasing and joking about goofy smiles, out of place hair, and crossed
eyes, but finally we had a stack of proofs for Kaleb to print. Both Kel and
I, liked a picture of us standing arm in arm, half looking at the camera
and half looking at each other to send to our mothers. We also picked out a
couple of other color shots to send to various friends and family
members. Kel winced at a picture of me with my arms around his shoulders,
he put that one aside with a shake of his head. I couldn't see anything
wrong with it. In fact, I liked it a lot!

	"I want a wallet of this one," I said handing the proof to
Kaleb. "If that's all right with you, Kel."

	Kel nodded. There was a sad look on his face that I wondered about,
something in his past? Later that night he explained that it reminded him
of a picture he and Micah had had done, Micah still carried it in wallet
apparently. Seeing the picture in Micah's wallet had made him feel guilty
again of abandoning Micah.

	Now for the black and white pictures! Kaleb hadn't lied when he
said my skin tone would glow in those pictures! When I picked up the first
one, I was almost knocked over at how vibrant my skin looked. So lustrous,
so alive, I rubbed the photo softly with my fingertip. Kaleb grinned at me
and Kel oohed and ahhed over the pictures. Xan hung over my shoulder,
growling in my ear.

	After much debate back and forth, we settled on five shots to be
printed. Kel fell head over heels in love with a shot of my head lying on
his chest; my shoulder and arm on his belly blocked the view of his
protruding hip bones and the nasty scar on his hip, the result of a bite
that became infected. I was looking out at the camera and Kel was looking
down at my head. It was a beautiful shot. He also fell wildly in love with
a shot of us lying in each other's arms with eyes only for the other
person.

	I picked the first shot Kaleb had taken. Kel had wrapped his arm
around my waist, leaning against my shoulder. His free hand was resting
against my belly and I had wrapped my arm around him and kissed the top of
his head. There was something so tender, so real about it. I had to have a
copy of that moment!

	I also picked, against Kel's protest that it didn't show my face
very clearly, the shot of me on his back. His head was thrown back and I
was whispering in his ear. It was such an intimate shot that I was hard
looking at it. Xan whistled and fanned his face with his hand when he saw
it.

	Xan insisted we had to have a shot of us arm in arm gazing into
each other's eyes. Kel grinned at me and we picked out one of me with my
hand against his cheek. Kel's arms were around my waist. Xan nodded,
content.

	"Yes, Yoss thah ih uh good one." He smiled. "Very romanic, very
sehi."

	"Sehi?" I asked.

	"Sexy." Kaleb grinned.

	I laughed and smacked my forehead in a "duh' gesture. Xan grinned
and signed something to Kaleb, who laughed.

	"Xan says don't hit yourself to hard, you don't want to rattle what
few walnuts you have up there!" Kaleb laughed again. Kel snickered. I shook
my head.

	"I am OVERwhelmed by the love in this room," I said with a snort.

	There was laughter and more back slapping and bicep punching. Kel
invited Xan and Kaleb over for dinner Monday evening. They both agreed. We
talked some more and Kaleb promised to have, at least, the color pictures
to us in time to send out for Christmas.

	Kel insisted on going to Antonine's shop. He wanted to meet her and
thank her for the beautiful ring. Antonine was as charmed by Kel as he was
with her. He walked around the showroom and examined the delicate
sculptures exclaiming over each one and asking questions. He promised he
would be back. Kel hugged her again before leaving.

	"Thank you," he whispered softly. She smiled and squeezed his hand.

	The rest of Saturday and all day Sunday was spent at my place. We
laid in bed listening to the rain, wrapped in each other's arms and a warm
quilt while Keeley chattered at the canines. We were beginning to discuss
moving in together. Mitch spent much of his time at Will's, and I spent
mine at Kel's, so it really was stupid to be paying for an apartment
neither of us used much. Kel was eager to have me there all the time but
still strangely reluctant to commit to the decision: I suspected a few
lovers in the past hadn't turned mean until after they moved in
permanently.  I ground my teeth in frustration and cursed them silently.

	Monday morning I crawled out of bed, reluctant to leave the warmth
of the bed and the warmth of Kel for the chilly air of the kitchen. I
quickly started a pot of coffee, hopping from one foot to the other on the
cold linoleum. While the coffee brewed I dressed in a pair of thermals, a
pair of faded jeans and a thermal shirt under my t-shirt. I would throw my
sweatshirt on top of it all if necessary. I was used to much colder winters
than Seattle. Memories of the weekend tumbled through my head as I dressed:
the little things said, the feel of Kel in my arms, the canines barking.

	I carried my mug with me to the bathroom and studied my face in the
mirror, my tan had faded but I was still a warm coppery shade of brown. I
ran the brush through my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Today was
the day I started my training to become crew chief. Mike was being promoted
and I was going to take his place! Sam had already been promoted to crew
chief and moved to another work site. I missed him quite a bit. Even though
we still had lunch together several days a week, it wasn't the same as
working with him had been. But I was excited to be moving up: Sam and I
were thinking of starting our own construction company and Kaleb had
promised the seed money; this was the first step towards that goal.

	Kel woke up and shared a cup of coffee with me before I left. He
had a new laptop computer and was eager to get onto his writing. I kissed
him and left with my thermos feeling very 70's sitcom-ish: Dad going to
work while Mom stayed home and took care of the house and kids. I grinned
and made a mental note to remember to tell it to Kel later.

	Lunch time came quickly and I walked out to my car deciding where
to go. A loud whistle caught my attention and I looked up the street an odd
feeling of déjà vu washing over me. Kel waved to me from the back of his
Phantom before pulling out into traffic and gliding to a stop in front of
me. He yanked his helmet off, he looked terrified.

	"KEL! What's wrong? Did something happen? Micah?" I asked grabbing
his shoulders, pulling him to me.

	He shook his head. "I went out to get your mail," he took a deep
breath. "Josh there's a new one! A new note!" His voice was almost a wail.

	I felt my stomach drop into my boots. A new note! I had been so
hoping the creep had had his fun and was going to leave me alone now. I
hugged Kel tightly. I would KILL the creep for scaring my Kel!

	"It's okay," I said softly. "We need to call Officer Morgan. Did
you think to bring the paper with her number on it with you?"

	He nodded. "I brought them both," he whispered hoarsely. I hugged
him again, stroking his back, the leather was warm under my hands.

	I climbed on the bike and gave Kel directions to the nearest
payphone. He drove there in silence. I was furious at this freak who had to
scare Kel so much, and I hoped that the cops found him before I did!

	I called Officer Morgan, and she asked if the note had been opened;
I told her no and she said good, maybe they could get some prints off of
it. She said she'd come by the construction site and pick it up that
afternoon. I gave her directions and then hung up.

	I walked back to Kel and wrapped my arms around him. He shivered
and cuddled up close to me. I murmured softly into his curls. We stayed
that way for some time. Finally Kel looked up at me.

	"We better get you some lunch."

	Kel drove to the nearby Jack in the Box and we ordered some lunch,
but neither of us were much in the mood to eat. We picked at the food and
stared glumly at the table. I leaned across the table and gripped Kel's
hand.

	"Don't worry, Kel," I said softly.

	"I can't help it, Josh," he whispered. "Good things don't happen to
me."

	I sucked in my breath in a hiss. "Kel!" I said sharply. "Stop that!
Good things do happen to you. You have great friends, who take good care of
you. You have more imagination than anyone I've ever met and you write
fantastic books! And you have me." I blushed in sudden embarrassment. " And
Crystal and Tova and Keeley," I finished in a rush trying to cover my
embarrassment.

	Kel laughed and suddenly smiled. It was like the sun coming out
from behind a cloud, his whole face lit up. I glanced around, the place was
nearly empty, then leaned forward and kissed him. He sighed softly against
my lips.

	We managed to eat a little bit before Kel had to take me back to
work. He dropped me off and handed over my mail to me. Most of it was junk
but tucked in there was a plain white envelope with "Joshua Sanclere" typed
on the front. I shivered and tucked it into the pocket of my sweatshirt. I
kissed him again.

	"I'll see you at home," I said softly. I traced the curve of his
jaw with my index finger. He sighed and his eyes half shut. My finger
brushed lightly over his lips.

	"We'll spend the evening safe and sound in bed," I whispered
running my finger over his lips again. He shivered again.

	"Before or after Kaleb and Xan come over?" he said with a
grin. "Because I don't think my bed is big enough for all four of us!" He
grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

	"Oh jeez, I forgot!" I said. "All right, I'll go get the canines
and Keeley and come out to your place." I kissed him softly. "Don't worry,
I'll see you in a few."

	The rest of the afternoon passed rather quickly. Officer Morgan
showed up at 4:00. She took the envelope and said she'd let me know what
the results were. At 5:00, everyone started to clean up and leave. Mike
went over the closing procedures and paperwork with me. I had never
realized how much paperwork was involved in building buildings.

	It was nearly 6:00 by the time I left, I would have just barely
enough time to get the critters and get to Kel's and shower before Kaleb
and Xan arrived. I confess to driving a bit over the speed limit but I made
it to Kel's by 6:30. Kel was running around cleaning anything that didn't
get out his way. Crystal and I looked at each other and took off down the
hall to the bedroom, Tova hot on our heels.

	By the time I was showered and dressed, Kel had calmed down. He had
changed into the high collared black sweater: I liked that sweater, he
looked so young and innocent in it and so heartbreakingly sweet. I wasn't
sure I wanted or NEEDED to dress up for Xan, but I compromised by wearing a
clean pair of black jeans and a white button down shirt. Crystal and Tova
would be showing off the fancy new matching collars that Kel had bought
them.

	Kaleb and Xan showed up a couple minutes after 7:00. Kaleb brought
a bottle of wine and Kel blushed when he handed it to him. Xan was looking
sexy as hell, as usual, in a light blue shirt (mostly unbuttoned but tucked
into his pants, of course). Kaleb was wearing a black silk shirt and
tailored chinos. Kel gave them the tour and Kaleb, much to my surprise,
fell head over hells in love with two of the kittens who were black with
white noses and boots. I hadn't known Kaleb was a cat person; Xan rolled
his eyes and told me to pay better attention!

	Kel tearfully gave the kittens to Kaleb. Kaleb promised to give
them a good home, which was pretty obvious the way he cuddled them, in
spite of the silk shirt. Kaleb's hand was big enough to hold both kittens
and it was odd to see him rub noses with them. I'd have never suspected
that Kaleb was such a softie! He cooed to them and talked to them like they
were babies. Kel chuckled and Kaleb looked up and blushed. He mumbled
something about how cute the kittens were.

	Kaleb arranged with Kel to come get the kittens the next day. That
would give him time to get a litter box, food and whatever else they
needed. I had the feeling these were going to be two VERY spoiled
kittens. Kel looked sad but I knew he really had been worried about keeping
so many cats. And even Xan appeared enchanted by the kittens.

	Dinner was delicious as usual. Kel was a fantastic cook. He made
stuffed pork chops with homemade stuffing. It was the second time in less
than a week I had eaten his stuffing and I was NOT complaining, and neither
were Kaleb or Xan. Xan's hands flew so much I wondered just how he managed
to get food to his mouth. Kaleb was kept busy translating as usual.

	The conversation covered a multitude of topics, jobs, friends,
politics, and somehow got onto the topic of charities. Kaleb did a lot of
free tech service for the deaf community in the greater Seattle area. He
was committed to the idea of getting deaf kids computer-savvy enough to be
more competitive in the job market. He was also in the process of setting
up, through Konnor Kommunications, several scholarship programs for
gay/lesbian and deaf students. They were a couple of his "pet" projects.

	"Sounds like a good idea," Kel said enthusiastically. "I give to a
couple programs that deal with abused children, but I always worry that the
money won't get spent the way I want it to be spent!"

	"That's easy," Kaleb said. "Set up your own foundation: invest the
capital and use the return to finance worthy projects. You keep control by
making the group submit a proposal to you of what they intend to use the
money for and requiring regular reports on how the project is
proceeding. Most of it is just paperwork." Kaleb reached for a roll, broke
it open and started to butter it.

	"IF your foundation gets very big you would have to hire employees,
but to begin with you'd probably only be doing one or two projects a
year. Could run it out of the house here, using a good computer program to
keep track of everything, so it's nice and tidy for the government." He
pointed at Kel with the half eaten roll. "Make a great tax write off, and
do some good at the same time."

	Kel looked thunderstruck. I could almost hear the wheels in his
head turning. He leaned forward and pelted Kaleb with questions. Xan
laughed and gestured to them.

	"Kayeb, ee talk ow night," Xan grinned.

	 I got up from the table and went to the counter to find the pad of
paper Kel kept there for taking messages. Xan and I went out on the patio
with our drinks and sat and talked. We talked about cars and boyfriends,
about mothers (Xan's mother was very overprotective, and not very accepting
of his sexuality) and siblings. I was excited to have Jem coming down and
eager for everyone to meet him.

	"We should do a Christmas party," Xan wrote. "Everyone get
together, eat some food, talk, sing off key and open one or two
presents. Be fun!!!!"

 	I grinned, I liked the idea and it did sound fun. I had grown up
with loud Christmas parties full of people and kids running around and had
sorely missed them after moving to the States. Mitch and I had celebrated
quietly together.

	"Yeah, sounds great!" I said. "I'll talk to Kel and you talk to
Kaleb. We'll decide when and where. Invite Colin and Alex as well. And your
sister and well everyone!"

	Xan laughed: a loud roar that practically shook the patio cover. I
laughed also. Kaleb and Kel joined us on the patio a little while
later. They both liked the idea of a Christmas party and Kel volunteered
his place. Kaleb said he'd contact Colin and see if they were going to be
in Seattle for Christmas or in Teya, the small town up north that Alex grew
up in. Teya was north of Spokane and actually closer to Canada than to
Spokane.

	Kaleb and Xan left before it was too late, Kel being the only
person who didn't have to be to work early in the morning! Xan and I had
cleaned up most of the kitchen already but Kel was still exhausted form all
the cooking and cleaning before dinner. I got him into bed and rubbed down
his shoulders and back; by the time I got to his butt my cock was hard and
drooling.

	Doggy style wasn't one of the positions I would have ever
catalogued among my top ten, but I couldn't help but remember the picture
Kaleb had taken. I stretched out stroking my front along Kel's back. He
moaned in pleasure and pushed up against my belly, exciting me more.

	"Kel," I breathed into his ear, his curls tickled my nose and lips.

	He reached up and found the lube on the table and handed it back to
me.  I shivered and rubbed across his back a couple more times. Sparks of
electricity ran down my belly and I hissed in pleasure as my nipples rubbed
against his back. He whimpered and pushed his butt up hard against my
crotch. I groaned. Oh yeah, I wanted him like this real bad! A little lube
smeared on my fingers and I was ready to open him up. He gripped the sheets
and pushed back on my hand. He was so hot and smooth inside and my cock was
aching to be in there as well.

	Kel reached up and grabbed a pillow tucking it under his belly. I
spread his legs and knelt behind him. A little more lube on my cock, then
positioning it against the entrance to his tunnel, I leaned forward
planting my hands firmly on the bed.

	"Ready?" I asked softly.

	"Oh yeah," he answered.

	I pushed forward and felt the slightest resistance, then Kel
relaxed and my cock slid into his warm tunnel. I groaned in pleasure and
Kel cried out my name. Slowly I started to stroke in and out, my pace and
rhythm getting faster and faster, harder and harder. Kel gripped the
sheets, and pushed up and back against me crying and moaning. I leaned down
and kissed his neck. He cried out in pleasure. I sucked on the back of his
neck, still pumping in and out. He thrashed and sobbed as his butt muscles
clenched my cock, driving me wild. I reared up and slammed my cock deep
into Kel. He cried out a long keening noise.  Harder and harder, I slammed
deep into him, gripping his hips tightly, the pillow slid out from under
him onto the floor.

	I fell, with a grunt, forward onto Kel pinning him to the bed. I
flipped my hair out of my face and leaned down to tease his ear: running
the tip of my tongue along the outside ridges and sucking on the lobe. He
moaned and cried, his hands scrabbling at the sheets. The combination of my
thrusting and his thrashing was stroking his cock against the bed rather
nicely.

	"Hah, you like it like this," I breathed into his ear.

	"Oh God, Josh, oh God. Josh, yes please," he cried, twisting under
me. "Oh, please Josh, yesyesyesyes." I started to slam harder and deeper
and his voice rose higher. "Yesyesyesyes! YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!
JOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!"

	 My name was practically a scream as his body started to shake
uncontrollably in orgasm. I slammed in hard enough to knock him forward,
and tip me over onto his back. I gripped his shoulders as my orgasm ripped
through my body. My head dropped onto his back. For several moments I
couldn't move. When I found the strength to move, I rolled off of Kel and
pulled him into my arms. We kissed, a long, hard passionate kiss. My Kel, I
held him close as we both drifted off to sleep, arm in arm.

	November drifted leisurely towards a conclusion. I was enjoying my
training at work, and in the evenings we spent our time wrapped up with
each other. Kel had finished the two short stories and was tearing his way
through the first draft of his newest novel. I listened eagerly as he told
me about characters and plot lines.

	On the 30th, I had an appointment with Alejhandro. He was
distressed to hear that the notes had started again. We talked about how
scared they made Kel feel, and how angry I was at the creep writing them.

	"If he'd just confront me!" I shouted, stopping my pacing to glare
angrily at Alejhandro.

	"Well, the type of person who sends anonymous letters isn't the
type to get into a confrontation," Alejhandro said.

	"Yes, I understand that," I nodded. "It's just so frustrating. And
I hate Kel being so scared. He is afraid of losing me. I can't let him be
so scared!"

	"You can't STOP him from being scared." Alejhandro said firmly. He
leaned forward. "But you can give him comfort and reassurance that you
aren't going anywhere. And that you are being cautious in your day to day
life.'

	"You want to love him, not control him," Alejhandro went on. "Kel's
fear is outside of your control. He has to come to terms with that on his
own," he held up his hand, "but you can help him come to terms with it."

	We spent the rest of the hour discussing my activities and ways to
reassure Kel and provide comfort to him. By the time I left I was feeling
more confident and more secure in my role as protector and as lover. Kel
was waiting at my place with dinner ready. I held him to me thinking how
lucky I was to have found him.

	The weekend was spent at my place. We took the canines out for a
run in the park on Saturday. The first part of the day was clear, but in
the late afternoon we ran through rain. After 18 winters spent on the
prairie in Eastern Alberta, there wasn't much that Seattle could throw at
me that would significantly slow my activities down! After our run we
toweled each other off and then took as much mud as possible off Tova and
Crystal. I took an old blanket out of the trunk and put it on the backseat,
Crystal jumped in and laid down, cocking her head at Tova as if to say
"Well, are you coming?" He jumped in and curled up against her, his head on
her neck.

	I looked at Kel; his face was flushed from the cold and his eyes
were sparkling, his lips were slightly parted, I could see a wisp of breath
escape his lips. I laid my hand on his cheek, curving it gently along his
jaw line, tipping his head up. I kissed him, his lips were cool and soft. I
loved him so much. Kel reached up and tangled his fingers in my hair, and
held my head close. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. I
was in heaven with no desire to leave, however, Kel shivered and I realized
it was getting cold. I bundled him into the car and tucked the other
blanket from the trunk around him.

	"Josh! I'm not an invalid," he said laughing. "Nor am I an old
man!"

	"Twenty eight, you're hitting the top of the hill," I grinned back
at him. He took a mock swing at me, but we were laughing.

	On Monday the 3rd I went to Kel's, he and the canines had returned
there that morning. The skies had been dark and threatening all day and I
suspected there would be snow by morning. Not much snow by Alberta
standards, but enough to shut down most of Seattle for a day or so. If we
did get snow, work would be suspended for a day or two. I was looking
forward to it, actually: I had presents to wrap. And the prospect of a
couple days "snowed in" with Kel was extremely pleasing. Officer Morgan had
come by the work site that morning, and informed me that there were no
decent, readable prints on the card, just the message: "BEWARE!" That and a
touch of holiday homesickness was making me feel quite depressed. I was in
need of a cuddle!

	I knew something was up the minute I opened the door. The living
room had one of the couches from the sitting room in it and there was a
pile of boxes on it. The manic sounds of Mannheim Steamroller's Christmas
album were coming from the back of the house. I wondered where Crystal and
Tova were - and what Kel was up to. I strolled to the kitchen headed for
the bowl of nuts on the counter not really looking around, which says I was
more tired and depressed than I realized. I scooped up a handful of the
nuts and turned to talk to Kel and stopped in shock.

	In the corner of the sitting room, filling floor to ceiling was a
HUGE Christmas tree. It must have cost a hundred dollars or more and was
decorated with gold ribbons, bows and gold balls. Several strings of clear
lights gave it an all over glow that was spectacular to view. Kel was
standing in front of it smiling.

	"Do you like it?" He asked shyly.

	"Like it?! It's gorgeous, Kel!"

	"Oh," he sighed relief shining on his face. "I was afraid you might
be angry that I put it up without your help." He gave me that shy smile
again. "But I wanted it to be a surprise."

	"I am definitely surprised!" I swept him into a hug sending salted
nuts flying all over the floor. I kissed him. "How on Earth did you get
that tree in here?"

	Kel laughed. "The lot has been delivering one to me for the last 6
or 7 years. This year I am actually late - I usually have it up by
Thanksgiving - but I was afraid you'd .." He tapered off and ducked his
head in embarrassment.

	I cupped his chin and lifted his head. "Kel, never be afraid that I
won't approve. I might not understand all the things you do, but I'll never
disapprove of them." I kissed him. "Besides it can't be Christmas without a
tree!"

	Kel smiled softly, he looked so sweet and so happy. This was the
way I wanted him to be always! He took my hand and pulled me along to
examine the tree. The ribbons were wide, highly starched strips of thin
material with satin edges, allowing the lights to shine through, that was
why the tree seemed to glow. Under the edge of the tree were a couple
packages already wrapped in bright paper. I saw my name on a couple of them
and one with Crystal's name on it. I hugged him again, feeling at home for
Christmas for the first time in three years. I told Kel what Officer Morgan
had said and he paled. He wrapped his arms around my neck and clung to me,
begging me to be careful. I promised I was being as careful as possible.

	As I suspected, we got an inch of snow that evening. Kel was like a
kid running through it, and scooping it up to throw at the canines and
me. I told him I'd have to take him to Alberta in the winter so he could
see REAL snow. He was delighted. We finished the evening drinking hot cocoa
in the soft light of the Christmas tree, and making love on the floor in
front of the tree.

	"Merry Christmas," I whispered in his ear.

	I called in Tuesday morning and was told that the big boss had put
the project on hold until at least Thursday. I really didn't mind, most of
my shopping was finished and the things for the people back home had left
Monday morning. We spent the two days wrapping presents, drinking cocoa and
making love. Kaleb called Tuesday to say the kittens were doing great.

	"Knick and Knack, now I ask you is that any way to name perfectly
respectable cats?!" Kel asked me afterwards.

	I just grinned: Kaleb's sense of humor was understandable only to
himself. Kaleb had also informed us that everything was on for the party
Christmas Eve. Colin and Alex were in town as was Colin's foster daughter,
Fen, who lived in Teya. Fen was 14 and, I learned, the reason Colin and
Alex had met. Colin had been hired to tutor her and both Alex and Fen had
fallen deeply in love with the big redhead. Her mother was not a lady of
high morals or discriminating taste so the girl had been all but abandoned,
left to run wild. But Teya was a small town, and several people made sure
she was taken care of, one of which was a man named Dee who had married a
woman friend of Colin's. Kaleb gave me a long story about how they had met,
but it sort of went in one ear and out the other. The upshot was that Colin
had offered to be one of her foster fathers, and he was very protective of
the girl.

	"Maybe I shouldn't tell him your bro will be there," Kaleb chuckled
into the phone. "He's what -- about 16?"

	"Seventeen in April," I said feeling the old sadness of having
missed his teens wash over me.

	"Colin will have kittens," Kaleb predicted.

	 "Just what we needed," I thought. "more kittens!"

	That week and the following week were spent cleaning and
decorating, working, wrapping presents and rewrapping the ones Whiskers
decided to open. Kel was writing furiously in between bouts of worry for
Micah and long calls to Kara, his step-brother in Portland, and trips to
the store for cookies.

	We attended the Knightman Construction Christmas Party on the
15th. The party was held at one of the hotels in Seattle and was a dinner
buffet with a prize giveaway and dancing afterwards. I won a stuffed teddy
bear that Kel promptly commandeered.

	Our table consisted of Sam and his wife, Manny and his girlfriend,
and Kel and I. Sam's wife, Mandy, had been eager to meet Kel, and they hit
it off quite well. I was starting to get used to Kel running into fans
everywhere he went, and the party was no exception: aside from Mandy, two
other people came up to ask if he was the writer Kel Kabrey. His new book
had just hit the stores earlier that week. One of the ladies happened to
have it in her car and Kel offered to sign it for her before she left.

	When I told Kel, back in October, about Jem coming down for
Christmas he had insisted that we both had to stay at his place. I had
tried to protest but he overrode my protests.

	"There isn't enough space for the two of you at your
apartment. You'd have to share a bed," he slammed his hands onto his hips,
" and NO one is sharing your bed but ME! You hear me, Joshua Mitchell
Sanclere?!"

	I had grinned at him, and done the only sensible thing a guy in my
position could do: I kissed him. Sometime later I whispered in his ear that
Jem and I would stay there if only to keep him from opening all the
presents early. He squeaked a protest, and I kissed him again. So when I
arrived at his place Thursday the 19th to find Kel curled up in bed his
eyes red from crying, I was scared. He looked a mess, his hair and face was
dirty, except for where the tears had washed his cheeks clean.

	"Kel! What on Earth? What's wrong?" I cried rushing to scoop him
into my arms.

	He clung to me and in a shaky voice explained that he had been
trying to clean his parent's bedroom for Jem to stay in. He hadn't been in
that room in literally years and the dust was thick on everything. He shook
in my arms and I stroked his back and arms.

	"I hadn't thought that room would still upset me so much. It's been
10 years since HE was there. But I could almost hear him and smell him in
there. And I KNOW he's not there!" His voice rose in pitch. "Mom cleared
everything out before Joe moved in! I know he's not there, but I can FEEL
him there!"

	Goosebumps erupted down my arms listening to him and I
shivered. What ever happened ten years ago to put him in the locked ward
was still very much real for Kel. I wished Alejhandro was here to help
me. Tightening my grip on him, I shifted him into my lap.

	"Kel, its okay. Please don't upset yourself. Not for Jem, not for
me. Jem can sleep somewhere else."

	"NO!" Kel sat straight up, his eyes blazing. "NO NO NO! That goes
against the rules of hospitality. I can't make him sleep on the floor just
because I'm too much of a baby to clean ONE DAMNED room!"

	Kel pulled out of my arms, and marched toward the door furious. I
followed anxiously. The other bedroom was a little bigger than Kel's. There
was a beautiful dark wood king sized bed in the center of the room. A
dresser was against one wall, and an open closet door on the opposite
side. A small table and lamp sat by the bed. Kel looked around miserably.

	"Joe bought all new things when they moved, said he wanted to make
sure I had enough furnishings. He could have at least taken HER BED!" Kel's
voice rose again.

	"Kel," I said softly, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "Go
take a shower, I'll finish in here. Don't fret, Kel. Your mother and Joe's
decisions aren't your problem. You make your life, and let them make
theirs."

	Kel leaned back against me, looked up, and smiled softly. "Josh, I
don't know what I'd do without you. You never give up on me."

	"Of course not," I said softly. "I love you, and that means never
giving up."

	I hugged Kel tightly. Together we cleaned the room, vacuumed and
changed the bedding. I opened the window to air the room out, and Crystal
and Tova left plenty of hair around to give it that homey feel.

	Micah came home on the 20th. Kel went to the airport to pick him
up. Kel reported that Micah was subdued but looking his usual brilliant
self. Kel was much less jumpy this time than he was after taking Micah to
the airport.

	Jem arrived on the 21st and Kel went with me to pick him up at the
airport. I walked past him, but Kel didn't, he knew it was Jem. I was in
shock, my baby brother was now 6 feet tall and broad shouldered, not a boy
anymore but a man. I hugged him for the first in three years, and we were,
for the first time ever, almost eye to eye.

	"I knew you were Jem," Kel said when I introduced them. "The eyes
are the same."

	Jem's eyes were bright green, and Kel was right, they were very
like mine. His brows were corn silk yellow like his hair, but had the same
up tilt at the outer edges. When he smiled a dimple appeared in his right
cheek, and I was willing to bet it drove the girls back home wild!

	Kel hustled us out of the airport. Jem had brought down one bag,
one carry on, and a box taped shut. There was so much tape on it I didn't
think there was a square inch anywhere that wasn't taped. "Christmas
presents," Jem explained when I asked. I was so happy to see him, and we
chattered almost non-stop all the way to the car. I apologized to Kel who
waved it off.

	"Oh, shush, you two haven't seen each other in years. I talked to
you just this morning!" He grinned. I kissed him.

	Jem was as excited to meet one of his favorite authors as he was to
meet his brother's boyfriend. Kel laughed, and hugged Jem, telling him that
he was excited to have a new little brother - even if said little brother
was taller than him! We all laughed some more. Tova immediately adopted
Jem, and wouldn't let him go anywhere alone, not even the bathroom!

	We spent Saturday and Sunday showing Jem Seattle, and the area;
like me, he was fascinated with the mountains. That's not to say there
aren't mountains in Alberta but we grew up on the prairie far away from the
mountains. We made the trip to Mt. St. Helens and spent the day up
there. It had more snow on it, and parts of it were closed, so we weren't
able to get very close but it was fun anyway. I wished we could have
brought the canines, but there wasn't room with Jem in the back seat of my
car. By the time we got home we were tired and hungry. Kel ordered pizza,
and the three of us flopped out on the sitting room floor in front of the
tree.

	Christmas Eve was a sunny day, with clear skies.  Jem was
pleasantly freaked out by the lack of snow, and the warm weather. He stood
on the patio and watched the canines run about the back yard.

	"I don't know about this, Josh," he said puzzled. "It's almost
spring today."

	I grinned. "I know, but don't tell Kel that - he's freezing his
butt off!"

	Jem laughed, flashing that adorable dimple. I felt that familiar
ache, he was almost grown up, and I had missed so much of it.  I was
determined to have him down more in the new year. I was going to be a part
of his life again. Jem was eager for the party. I had explained to him that
about half the people there would be gay, but that there would be a few
straight people. He had just shrugged.

	"They're your friends, Josh," he said with a smile.

	Micah, no surprise, showed up first. Kel had asked me somewhat
timidly if I would mind him inviting Micah. He felt it would help Micah
stay sober. I told Kel to go ahead and ask him. The surprise was that Micah
showed up with a tiny brown haired woman. He introduced her as Carrie, the
waitress from the Denny's in Kent. I remembered her, although I hadn't
remembered her as so tiny.

	Kaleb and Xan showed up soon after with an ice chest full of ice
and soda. Colin came in behind them carrying a tray of sandwich meats. Kel
hurried to help him and Jem and I went out to help Alex, who was bringing
in another tray of food.

	"Good Evening, Alex." I said.

	"Hey, Josh." Alex smiled shyly. He was a big (at least 6'5, 230
pounds of muscle) dark haired man with a goatee and I thought it very
strange that such a BIG man was so painfully shy. Xan told me that for the
first three shows of his paintings he had literally clung to
Colin. Apparently he still, five years later, threw up just before an
opening.

	The rear door of the Expedition opened and a girl stepped out. She
hooked her arm through Alex's and smiled up at Jem and me. She was slender
and long legged, with black hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were
light gray and bright and her mouth was wide and curving.

	"Hullo," she said in a husky voice.

	"Hi!" Jem said, a bit louder than I think he meant to sound. I
glanced at him, his smile was bright, and that adorable dimple was deeper
than ever. I looked up at Alex whose eyes were dancing with mischief.  The
girl smiled up at Jem then looked up at Alex. They exchanged a meaningful
glance. She smiled back at Jem.

	"Papa will go berserk," she laughed, a low throaty sound. She held
out her hand to Jem. "I'm Fen, Colin's daughter."

	"Jem, I mean Jeremy Sanclere," Jem said taking her hand. She smiled
again.

	The two kids walked into the house. I looked at Alex. He was
watching the kids.

	"Kaleb says Colin will have kittens when he finds out there's a boy
here, and a straight one at that." I said softly.

	"Colin's rather protective of Fen. He worries that she'll attach
herself to just anyone, in an effort to get the love she hasn't gotten from
her mother." Alex looked toward the house. "He really loves her, Fen that
is."

	I nodded, and we walked into the house carrying a couple bags of
napkins, cups and plates.  Kel was fussing about everyone spending too much
money and he had all that stuff in his house already.

	"Josh, tell him to shut up," Kaleb said.

	"Shut up," I said with a grin. Kel looked daggers at me then stuck
his tongue out.

	Kaleb laughed. "YOU can provide when we have a party at my
place. This way you don't have to clean up tomorrow. Its Christmas -- even
dishwashers need a day off."

	Kel grinned. "All right then, pile any presents you brought over by
the tree."

	Dora and Kyle and Lisa arrived, followed closely by Kaleb's
youngest sister Julie. She made a face at her brother when he asked about
her date. Kaleb rolled his eyes, and shook his head. Lisa laughed, and
volunteered to be her date for the night. I glanced at Xan, and he made a
knocking gesture, "yes" Lisa did swing that way, but I was unsure if he
meant Julie did as well. I shrugged.

	Introductions were made all around, and while Colin didn't actually
deliver a litter of kittens, he did glower at Jem. Fen stretched up and
kissed him on the cheek, and he smiled: a soft tender smile.

	People drifted around in groups, talking and eating. The canines
mixed freely; begging for treats. I circulated around, talking and enjoying
the company. Thanksgiving had been quiet, just Kel and I. It had been
enjoyable but Christmas was a time to share with friends and family!

	The only rough time came when Colin couldn't find Fen or Jem. The
two kids had gone out on the patio, with the canines, to talk and get to
know each other. Colin was all ready to go out with a shotgun, but Alex got
in his way.

	"Colin! Do NOT treat Fen like she's Katherine. She is 14 years old,
and there's a boy here. Let her be a normal teenager, and let her flirt
without assuming that she'll become her mother tomorrow." Alex was stern
but gentle. Colin sighed, and leaned forward into Alex's arms.

	"You're right, as usual, Alex."

	I had been keeping a subtle eye on both kids, but neither of them
seemed inclined to do anything other than flirt, talk, and generally act
like teenagers. Kel spent quite a bit of time talking with both Jem and
Fen. Jem was excited to meet one of his favorite authors, and Fen was
excited to just meet a celebrity! When Fen went to talk with Colin, Jem
pulled me down the hall to the bedroom.

	"Josh, I want.." he paused, took a deep breath, and barreled
forward with what he wanted to say. "I want to give Fen something." He
blushed furiously. "She's a really cool girl."

	I grinned at him. "Let me think a second." I was trying to think
what might be around that would appeal to a 14 year old girl. Kel stuck his
head in, and asked what was up. I explained and he nodded.

	"I have the answer." He left, and came back in a minute with a
small package in his hand.

	"I bought it for Josh, but I don't think he'll mind donating it to
a worthy cause!" Kel's eyes danced impishly. "It's a silver chain
necklace. I bought it from Antonine. I'll buy Josh another one." He smiled.

	Jem was excited, and thanked Kel over and over. Kel laughed, and
told him where in the basement the gift tags were stored. Jem took off on
the run. I wrapped my arms around Kel, and pulled him close.

	"Thank you." I breathed in his ear. "You just made that kid's
Christmas."

	Kel grinned up at me. "He deserves it. He's a great kid,
Josh. Kinda like his big brother."

	I held him close, drinking in the way he felt in my arms, the smell
of him and how happy I felt with him there. He was so thoughtful, so
caring, I couldn't help but love him! And this was becoming the best
Christmas ever.

	At around 9:00, Kel climbed up onto a chair and blew out that
god-awful whistle of his. It got the immediate attention of everyone,
including the deaf folks, who turned to find out why the hearing people had
jumped. Kel waved his arms and grinned. Lisa walked up to the table where
she could sign what Kel was saying.

	"There's no schedule here, and since this is our first hopefully
annual Christmas Party, I am going to start creating some traditions!"
There were murmurs of agreement all across the room. "First of all, one
person is going to tell us what the last year has been like, and what the
Christmas season means to them. I know it sounds elementary schoolish, so I
am nominating myself as the first person."

	He took a deep breath. "Most of you know I tried to kill myself the
end of last July. It was a very bad time for me, I had broken off my
engagement a few months before and well, the end of July is always hard on
me." He looked down. Micah slipped between Alex and Kyle and came up to
Kel. He put his arms around his waist. Kel smiled and ran his fingers
through Micah's hair.

	"Micah sweetheart, it's you who deserves the hugs not me. Micah is
now celebrating, how many days sober?"

	"35," Micah said softly, stepping backwards. He reached backwards,
and caught Carrie's hand pulling him to her.

	"YES!" Kel shouted almost falling off the chair. He steadied
himself with a hand on the back of the chair. "35 days of sobriety! Didn't
know the sun rose that early, didja?" Laughter bounced around the room.

	Kel smiled. " For me, my Christmas came early this year." He held
up his hand showing off his ring. There were oohs and ahhs, and
congratulations shouted.

	 "I have a new book out, and I'm expecting EVERYONE of you to buy
it!" There was more laughter. " All that I have to say for this year is in
the book - right at the beginning." His eyes connected with mine, and he
smiled again. "For the dream that danced into my life, and promised to
protect me always. To the voice I adore and the smile I drown in. Always
and forever to Josh."

	I swallowed and crossed the room to him. My arms wrapped around his
waist and I picked him up. Kel laughed, and grabbed my shoulders. I swung
him around in a circle.

	"Hey! Can we open presents while you two are busy, or do we have to
wait?" Kaleb yelled.

	There was more laughter. I put Kel down, and kissed him. He smiled
up at me. Together we walked up to the Christmas tree. We decided to put
the kids' energy to good use - and have them distribute the presents.

	They ran back and forth delivering the presents to everyone. We
hadn't really made any rules on distributing, except that no one should
feel obligated to buy for everyone. Kaleb and Xan had brought the things
they had bought for us, and just something small for their
siblings. Somehow though, everyone had a present or two to open. Fen was
ecstatic when Jem handed her the small box.

	"But Jem, I don't have anything to give you," she looked sad.

	Jem shrugged. "It's okay, you can give me TWO next year!"

	Fen laughed and hugged Jem. I glanced sideways at Colin. He was
smiling happily. Maybe he wasn't so bad after all when it came to Fen.

	"Oh Jem!" she said, when she opened the box. She hugged him, then
she hugged Kel and me. "I know one of you had something to do with this,"
she grinned. "Jem has only just met me, who had to give up a present?"

	I smiled. "I did, but I think it was meant for you all along."

	She smiled, and hugged me again. Fen carried the necklace over to
Colin, who looked at it over and complimented the workmanship, then
fastened it around his daughter's neck. Fen was glowing with pleasure, and
she hugged Colin and whispered in his ear. He smiled and nodded. She
grinned and bounced off to join Jem again.

	"I think they are both hooked," Kel said softly.

	"Hmm yes, for now anyway," I replied.

	"Thank you," Colin said. "I was worried she'd feel left out, she
feels enough of that at home." He glowered again, then his face
cleared. "Your brother seems a very nice kid."

	"He is," I said a bit defensively. "And he thinks Fen is a cool
girl."

	Colin nodded, and then went to talk to Kaleb. People were milling
around showing off gifts and laughing. Kel had bought Micah a big fuzzy
blanket for laying out watching the stars. Micah had grinned, and said it
was big enough for two people. Kel had grinned, and winked back. Xan had
bought me seat covers for the 'Stang that were light brown with black paws
prints all over them.

	"Den oo take de dogs wi oo everwhere," he said grinning. I had
laughed and hugged him. I had bought him a light blue silk shirt, I was
sure it would compliment his eyes perfectly, and a couple new video
games. He and the kids promptly disappeared downstairs to try the games
out!

	It was about 1 am before everyone left. We were worn out, and ready
for bed. As Kaleb had promised there was almost no clean up from the
party. Kel shut off the tree lights and went downstairs to check the
lights, and bring Keeley up from the laundry room, where she had been
hiding.

	Sleep came fast for both of us, not even the energy to do much more
than kiss! I held him close thinking he was my best Christmas present
ever. He was my love, my comfort, my other half, I wanted nothing more than
to have him in my arms. We were a team, a pair, a couple - even if society
had to interest in acknowledging us as such. We were together and in love,
that's all that mattered.

	Christmas morning started a lot earlier than I had expected. Kel
and Jem were awake by 5 am! I could hear them giggling out in the hall like
a pair of teenagers in a girls dorm, I yelled at them to shut up and threw
a pillow at the door. There was silence for about ten minutes then the door
opened and Kel came in with a cup of fresh coffee. Jem was close on his
heels - I stared at my baby brother in shock - not only was he six foot and
broad shouldered, but he had downy blond hair feathering across his pecs
and belly. Kel was bundled up in his green sweater, and my baby brother was
running around half naked, enjoying the warm weather. I smiled to myself,
took the mug from Kel and kissed him.

	"All right, I guess if I want any sleep I better get up now." I
grinned at them.

	Together with the canines and a fresh pot of coffee, we opened most
of the remaining presents. My sweet little sister had sent a box of candy
and cookies from home, stuff I hadn't eaten in three years. Erik and Rafe
had sent some CDs and video tapes. My parents had sent me clothes as usual,
but for Kel, mother's attached note said she had been really
stumped. Finally, she found the perfect thing when she went Medicine Hat -
to pick up something for my father and happened to wander into a craft
sale. There on the wall was a dream catcher that just screamed "Kel" to
her, it was about a foot and a half across and decorated in feathers and
beads, in the center was a piece of hide painted with a wolf howling. Kel
held it as gently as if he held a baby, and he looked up at me with tears
running down his face.

	"I must thank her.. from the bottom of my heart," he said softly.

	Kel had signed hard cover copies of his books for Jem for
Christmas, and I had bought him the same video games I had gotten
Xan. Jem's gifts were the surprises though, for me a carving of a dog
running, and for Kel, one of a wolf howling. They were a little rough, but
very well done. I was amazed-- I had had no idea he could carve so well!
Jem blushed, but he looked pleased anyway.

	This Christmas was truly one of the best I had ever spent. I had
the two males I loved most in the world with me. Together with Crystal and
Tova I was surrounded by love. Nothing could ruin this day for me.

	Three days after Christmas Kel's consciousness, to quote my father,
took a long walk off a short pier... and disappeared.