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Love From The Ashes

Chapter 15 – Part B

"Last Call"

This fire has been a rough one. All the crew fighting the fire in that bedroom have been hit hard by the experience and the sights in that bedroom's closet. There are standards that the Chief has to follow, and in situations like this, the firefighters who were in the closet must undergo counseling. He wants to make sure that they all know it, too. He gathers everyone together before leaving the scene.

"As everyone knows, this fire was not a hard one. We didn't save everyone; some of our crew fought the fire in that bedroom. My hat goes off to them. We will be offering the family counseling, but for the crew in that bedroom, I am ordering that you go through counseling. Don't think you can get away from going! You will go, and you will go until the counselor feels that you don't need their services anymore. Do you all understand? Now go home to your loved ones, and if you believe, pray for the family, the kids, and each other."

The chief stopped talking and came down and personally hugged his crew one at a time. When he gets to Jamie, he smiles:

"Go home to Cameron!"

Chief pats him on the back and then moves on to the next person. When everyone on the truck with Jamie is ready, they load up and return to the station.

***

Jamie has taken a long time to get home. When he gets home, Jamie sits in the car and takes a deep breath. He opens the car door. The light in the living room is on, meaning Cameron is still awake.

`I hope he doesn't want to talk.'

Jamie doesn't know if he can discuss the fire and the deaths. It's too early for that. On top of the emotions, Jamie is tired and just wants to fall asleep in his bed. Jamie gets out of the car and walks up to the house.

`Those kids will never open the door to their house again.'

Jamie's thoughts are all over the place right now. He reaches out for the door and pauses. He looks up into the night sky and looks at the moon.

"I'm sorry...sorry!"

He says as he opens the door. Despite wanting to go lie down, when he sees Cameron on the couch, he walks right to him. Cameron immediately hugs his guy and doesn't let go till he feels Jamie relax. Jamie is softly crying. Jamie rarely cries like this after a fire, but Cameron understands where the tears are coming from and is willing to stand there until the sun rises.

"Do you want to sit?"

Cam whispers into Jamie's ear. Jamie says nothing; instead, he leads Jamie to the bedroom. Cameron helps Jamie strip down for bed. Once Jamie is in his underwear, he gets into bed. He gets into a fetal position and starts to softly cry. His crying is upsetting Princess, who manages to slip past Cameron. She is at the foot of the bed. Jamie quiets his crying so he can speak with Cameron.

"Please put her up with me."

Cameron has no problem having Princess up in the bed. He picks her up and places her on the bed. In a heartbeat, Princess is cuddled up next to Jamie. She is doing everything she can to try to make him feel better. She is even crying with him. Cameron gets into bed with his man. He spoons up next to his man. Cameron would like to talk to him about the fire, but that is fine if his guy doesn't want to talk. All Cameron can do is cuddle with him while his guy cries. He cries till sleep finally comes.

***

It's the day next day around lunch time, and Cameron is home for lunch. Jamie has been at home taking care of Princess and trying to relax. He also tried to get with the counselor but gave up. He's been on the phone with the chief, talked with some friends, and now that Cameron is home, he's going to speak with his love. Cameron and Jamie are sitting around chit-chatting when all of the sudden the tears start up again. Cameron sets his sandwich down and gets up to hug his babe. Jamie wipes his face.

"Sorry Babe for being such a baby. I just can't stop thinking about..."

Jamie folds his arms and puts his head down.

"I...I...keep seeing those kids. They...were so young."

Cameron doesn't know what to say, so he just gives his hunk, a kiss on the back of his neck. Time is ticking and soon it will be time for Cameron to go back to work. Work can wait, he is needed here.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to call off for the rest of the day."

Hearing that makes Cam's boyfriend mad, his fist slams the table.

"NO, YOU ARE..."

Jamie knows what he's done. He gets up and heads into the bedroom where he can hide away from Cameron. Jamie doesn't want to do something that he'll regret. He's afraid of his emotions getting the best of him.

"Jamie..."

Cameron says with a soft voice hoping that he can get his guy to talk to him. He also doesn't want to push him. He just doesn't feel right leaving him. As he is about to call Courtney, Jamie's phone rings.

***

It's Brayden. They talk small talk and then Jamie looks at the door and there he sees Cameron. He smiles and it makes Cam feel weak in the knees. Jamie pats the bed beside him.

"Hey buddy, I know you are hurting."

Brayden tells Jamie who is watching Cameron hoping he'll come sit with him. The other guy in the house takes out his phone and points to it. Jamie nods his head.

"Yeah I am. I can't sleep without seeing their little faces. I am hurting dude. Today at lunch, Cameron told he was going to call off for the rest of day, and I slammed the table with my fists and yelled. I left the room..."

Brayden has been there seeing the shadows of the fire, and knows what it's like to lose kids. He's been there.

"I get it dude, remember the big fire last year. Yeah, I had to face the lose of kids."

It helps to talk but it also hurts to talk. It brings back the images from last night.

"I...I...remember. It just hurts."

Brayden thinks back to that day and doesn't remember Jamie being at the fire, but he know that Jamie was aware of it.

"I know it hurts, but it will get better."

He doesn't want to hear that, he just wants to be loved. He wants to know that what he did was enough. Right now, it doesn't feel like it's enough. A part of him is thinking of leaving the firehouse. Maybe, he can work at the veterinary clinic.

"Listen to me block-head, you didn't do anything wrong. What happened to those kids was out of your control. I know it sucks hearing that, and I also know you don't believe me. But it's the truth."

Brayden is right. Jamie doesn't want to hear it and yet he's right. Jamie looks again to see if his boyfriend is still there, but he's not and that hurts. At least Princess is here, and she isn't budging. At some point, she will need to go out for a walk. He just hopes that he has the strength to do it. Because, right now he isn't sure that the strength is in him. Just when he is ready to hang up and try sleeping, Cameron walks into the bed in his briefs and lays down next to him.

"UM...Brayden, I need to go. Can we talk later?"

Brayden isn't sure what's going on but if Jamie wants to talk later, then later it is.

"Okay, but you'll call me if you need me?"

He isn't about to abandon his friend.

"Yes, I will call you."

Jamie says as he looks at his boyfriend who is now cuddling up against his muscular frame.

"Bye Jamie!"

Jamie ends the call and then looks at his boyfriend.

"I thought you left for work?"

Jamie almost looks a little sad.

"Are you disappointed?"

Jamie smiles and shakes his head after hearing Cam's question. He knows that the phone call he needed to make was to Courtney saying that he was calling off. No doubt, he called off for the afternoon. His boss went along with it because she almost always goes along with his whims. Okay so maybe not all of them. Right now he feel so good despite last night.

****

Jamie has been by Cameron's side through many things. Now, Cam has a chance to repay his love for being by his side all those days and nights. Jamie is staring at this feet, when something comes out of his mouth that he never intended for Cameron to hear.

"If I just had more time, those kids...might be here today."

Cameron wraps his boyfriend up in his arms and hugs him. He wants Jamie to feel every ounce of his love. He hates to see his guy hurting so badly.

"I know you; and you did everthing you could to save those kids. Now let them rest!"

Jamie knows Cam is right but the pain is still there. It comes back and whispers in Jamie's ears when Cameron isn't around and that scares him.

"Cameron, I'm glad you didn't go to work. I...I...don't want to be alone."

Cameron let's go of Jamie and looks at him with a surprised look in his eyes.

"You wanted me to go to work, and now you don't want me to go."

Suddenly, Jamie wants to punch a hole in the wall. Out of nowhere, Princess climbs up on the couch and rests her head on Jamie's lap. Her simple act washes the anger out of his body. His emotions are seen by Cameron.

"Babe, maybe we need to get out of the house."

Jamie doesn't want to leave the house though and he begins to cry. Princess begins to cry with him. Cameron knows what Jamie needs and he may not like it, but he knows they can't keep going like this forever.

****

Seeing the rage build up in Jamie was kind of scary, even though it was nice to see it leave his body, Cameron is still worried. He's seen rage before in his past, and it's never ends well for him. His timid nature makes him a target for fists and abuse. He doesn't know how Jamie will react to his words, but Jamie needs help.

"Jamie, I want you to call the counselor. I'm worried about you."

Jamie stares at his phone.

"I'm worried too. I could have punched a hole in the wall just now."

Jamie looks at his love and sees the fear in his eyes, and that is when he realizes what fueled those words.

"I'll call; I'll call right now."

He does as he promised. They set up an appointment for tomorrow. Cameron and Jamie take a let out a sigh. Jamie takes a second to retreat to the bathroom.

****

Jamie has Courtney's phone number on his phone and he calls her. She is at lunch at the moment and sees his number flash on the screen. Immediately, the phone call is answered.

"Hey Jamie, what's up?"

Jamie sits silently for a just a second.

"The fire on the news the other night...that...that was the call."

At first she didn't understand what he meant by his sentence, but then it clicked. Jamie was with the kids. The newsperson did mention that kids were in the fire.

"I need a favor."

She has been grateful that Jamie took Cameron as a date and a boyfriend. It's been amazing to see Cameron's confidence strength since that being with his boyfriend. She would do anything for her friend.

"What do you need?"

She asks knowing that if it was in her power to do it, she would.

"I need Cameron. Please don't fire him! Everytime, the house goes quiet or he's away from me, that is when the images come back to me. Please!"

Courtney doesn't want to know what Jamie saw that night, but she knows if Jamie is saying that he needs Cam, then he can have him. It won't be forever. They can survive a week without him.

"You can have him. Hey, we have some puppies in if you want to come down and play with

them. "

Jamie considers it.

"That sounds fun actually, I might take you up on that. Thanks Courtney! I need to run"

Jamie ends the call and leaves the bathroom. Courtney texts Cameron to give him time off to be with Jamie. She saw the news and put two and two together or at least that is what she said. She also said that they had someone dropped off puppies, and that maybe they might want to come down and check out the puppies. She even said that maybe Princess might want a playmate. When Jamie settled down on the couch, Cameron showed him the text and the guys were all for it. They actually left to go to the pet hospital. For a good hour or two, Jamie sat amongst a group of pitbull puppies just being a target of their affections. When Jamie figured he it was time to go home, Jamie and Cameron did in fact come away with a puppy.

***

Jamie and Cameron and the new puppy head home. It's another female so they can avoid puppies themselves. When they get home Jamie spends time playing with Princess while Cameron sneaks outside to call Sophie.

"Hey Bro, what's up?"

Cameron looks arounds to make sure he is alone.

"Jamie is hurting really bad right now. He got called to a fire. The parents told them that there were kids in the one of the bedrooms. By the time, they got to the back bedroom it was too late. The fire was so bad, they couldn't get to the kids. Jamie was in the house, in the bedroom when the fire overtook them. He couldn't save the kids, and it's tearing him up inside. I'm doing my best to keep his head above water. I just hope that I'm enough."

Sophie was stunned. She heard about the fire but never imagined that Jamie was involved. He should have called sooner.

"Do you guys need anything? Like do you need me to take Princess?"

Sophie wants to get into the car and head out for Cameron's place. She stops herself though at least until she hears from her brother.

"No, we are fine. I mean for the most part. Jamie comes and goes in his moods, but at least he has me and he's starting therapy soon so that should help. Plus, we just got a new dog; a little pit-bull. She is going to be a beautiful dog."

Sophie wants to see the dog but as she goes to ask if she can come over, her brother's phone chimes alerting him to another call coming in, and he needs to answer it.

"I got to let you go, Jamie's dad is calling."

Cameron ends one call just to start another call.

"Hello Sir, how can I help you?"

Jamie's dad grunts a little at being called sir

"Cameron, you don't have to call me "Sir". You and my son are dating now so you can call me Michael. Now, how is my son doing? I tried to call but the phone seems to be off."

Cameron smiles at the thought of calling Jamie's dad Michael.

"Jamie has his moments to be honest, right now he seems to be doing okay. But If I go to work, then he says that his mind wonders and he can't shake the images away. I snuck outside to call my sister, while he was busy playing with Princess. He did go with me to work to play with some little puppies. We even picked up a puppy for to keep Princess company."

Jamie's dad sighs. He's worried for his son in much the same way that Cameron is worried for his guy. Everyone in his life is worried about Jamie.

"Keep me informed! You don't need to let Jamie know that I called. I will try calling tomorrow. Goodbye Son!"

Being called Son, sends a chill down Cameron's back, but he likes it nevertheless. Their call ends and Cameron heads back to see Jamie.

***

He finds Jamie on the couch with Princess on the curled up next to him. Cameron climbs up on the couch. He sits next to Jamie and cuddles up next to him. He wants Jamie to find his light again. Something has to change for his babe. He kisses his boyfriend and then takes his hand and together they curl up on the couch. He hates to see him hurting so much. Cameron wraps his arms around his Jamie's body as best he can.

"I love you Jamie!"

Cameron says to his love. Jamie smiles at him. He doesn't answer but he does wrap his arms around Cameron, and they fall to sleep on the couch. Jamie is content at the moment. Content to just lay here and relax.

***

Jamie wakes up first from their nap. Not wanting to wake up Cameron, he sits there. Quietly reflecting on, where he sees the two of them in just a few years. He sees them married. With the two dogs at their side, he sees them still living in this house. A house that is just large enough to house a couple kids. Yes kids, Jamie despite everything wants kids. He knows he'll over come this pain that he finds himself in at the moment. He also knows that Cameron will find the strength to overcome the attack that has him paralyzed at times. Jamie just wants to cuddle up next to his babe and sleep some more. If he can.

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