The 1990's brought a new dimension to the world -- the mass infusion of the Internet into the home. I know that the moguls at AT&T, Microsoft, and IBM knew what this meant, but the poor peons were yet to discover the vast influence this would have on the general public. Finally, people could meet people, anonymously, and live out the fantasies of their lives in various chat rooms that were now flooding the Internet. As Comp-u-serve, America on Line, and Microsoft Network were all discovering, the world of fantasy and anonymity would make them all very wealthy.

For me this was new. I was 44 years old, father of two boys, when I first subscribed to an Internet service. I had no idea what it was all about, but I decided to get the service so I could communicate with some work-related sites and do my work at home. The first few weeks I just used my service for that purpose, only. Oh, I had placed a "profile" at the right place when I first signed on, but didn't give it a second thought.

One night I received an Instant Message, my first. It was from some guy in Washington, D.C., who simply said hello. I responded in kind and let it go at that. The next thing I saw on the mini-screen in front of me shocked me:

Wow! Did I really see that in front of me? I didn't know how to respond, but I have to tell you that I was very excited at that moment. One thing I haven't told you was that I was struggling at that point in my life with a secret. I had been married for 23 years but I still felt something was missing in my life. I had just been diagnosed with diabetes, having to spend a week in the hospital to stabilize my sugar levels.

I knew that diabetes was serious, but could be controlled. However, as a hypochondriac, I always thought the worst. I began to reflect on my life, wondering what it was, if anything, I had missed. I can vividly remember that first night after they told me about my condition. I began to think back to the happiest point in my life and realized that it was during my adolescent years.

I grew up in the 1960's, an era of sexual freedom and enlightenment. Well, if you believe that, I have this bridge... I digress, sorry.

I was introduced to sex at a very early age. At 8 years old, a camp counselor had shown me what it was like to be a boy. He had me masturbate with him and when he had an orgasm, I did as well. Oh, I didn't cum, for sure, but I had this great feeling that I had never experienced before. But, he had given me a delightful present that I, to this day, thank him for.

Soon after I arrived home, I started to educate all my friends about what I had learned at camp. I soon had a "harem" of friends who I showed how to jack-off. It was fantastic and every chance we had we would find a secluded place to enjoy each other. Some continued for many encounters, while others were a one-time experience.

As I lay in bed I began to count the "boys" that I had been with. When I hit 56, I must have fallen asleep, because I know that there must have been some that I had forgotten. It was at this point, I believe, that I realized who I really was.

I realize that all boys go through the experimentation phase in their life, but this was more than that. I know this because at age 11 I met Jon. Jon was more than just a quick jack-off buddy to me. He and I stayed together through Junior High School, High School, and college. We had a physical relationship that, up to this particular point in my life, had no equal. We were much more than friends. We were lovers!

WE WERE LOVERS! This phrase rang through my head for the next week. I realized, then and there, that the best time of my life was when I was with Jon. It was also the time in my life that I realized that I had been untrue to myself. The revelation that I was gay hit me like a ton of bricks.

This scared me as well as excited me. I had a wife and two sons. I couldn't be gay, I kept telling myself. But, through all my self-reflection it kept coming back to that undeniable fact. As I sit here today relating this story, I realize that I have been gay all my life, hiding and suppressing all my desires of life. The question though was what to do about it.

As this instant message sat before me now, I knew that what I had felt those many days in the hospital was on the screen directly before me. I wanted a man. I needed a man. My sex life with my wife was non-existent. We hadn't shared a bed in almost 8 years and I had spent those years in self-pleasure --- my hand and myself. I felt at that very moment, looking at that Instant Message, that I wanted this. I needed this!

We continued to talk that night. I spent until almost 2 a.m. talking with this guy that I had NO intention of meeting, nor did I ever think I would. As we talked, I found out what cyber-sex was all about. It was pleasurable as I sat there, my cock in my hand, fantasizing about what he was saying he would do to me. I had one of the best orgasms I had had in years. It was messy and did get onto the keyboard, but it was well worth it. I had found a new sexual release agent and I was thrilled.

As the months went on, I became addicted to the computer. I explored the various chat rooms and found those that were meant just for guys like me -- Married and frustrated about their new found, or reaffirmed, sexuality. I had no intentions, initially, of seeking out a one-on-one meeting with any of the guys that I was talking to. All I wanted was a release and talking to guys that enjoyed the same things that I did.

One day I stayed home from work. The boys were at school and my wife was at work. I went on the computer immediately after I took my youngest to school. Yes, I was playing hooky, but something just drove me to that this particular day.

In one chat room I met this guy who lived close. We began to talk. We talked about family, our marriages and our desires for male sex. We finally decided to meet. I agreed to drive out to meet him in a parking lot close to his house and we could have lunch together. There was no pressure to have sex, but I do believe we both wanted that to happen. I printed out the directions (and most of our conversation) and took a shower and dressed. I hopped into my car with apprehension and anticipation.

The meting place was about a 1/2 hour from my home. As I drove down the interstate, I began to look at the directions. I also reread some of the conversation that we had. As I got closer to my ultimate destination I began to have second thoughts. Not because I didn't want to have sex, but I began to think that I knew this individual.

Certain parts of the conversation struck a nerve with me. His profession, his family, his moving from one state to another all seemed very familiar. I suddenly realized that if this were someone I knew, what the hell. He wanted the same thing I wanted and I decided to continue to our meeting place.

When I got there, I saw a single car in the parking lot. From what he told me, it looked like his vehicle. As I pulled in, I looked over and, sure enough, I recognized him. A weak feeling in my stomach surfaced as I realized just who this man was. You see, the man I was meeting was a guy who hired me for my first job after college. He was my first boss. He was a man who was the last I ever thought would be gay.

As I got out of the car and walked over to his, I was still unsure of this entire thing.

"How do you know my name?" he questioned a bit startled.

"Well, you hired me some 23 years ago," I stated.

He looked up. "Bob?" he questioned.

"Yep, you got it Steve," I answered as we both laughed, even if it was a bit of an apprehensive, nervous laugh.

When Steve hired me I was about 40 pounds heavier than I was at that time and also had a mustache that I didn't those many years previous. We talked a bit more and I then followed him to a grocery store where we bought something for lunch. We went back to his home and caught up on the many years that had transpired since we last were together.

Suffice to say that we did have sex that day. We regained a friendship and another level of relationship that day that has lasted. This was a convenient situation for the both of us, too. Since our wives both knew each other, the two of us meeting didn't cause any signals that might suggest more than a rekindling friendship.

For the next year or so, we met on a pretty regular basis for sex. Oh, I had others that I met on occasion and realized that my reaffirmation of my sexuality was definitely confirmed.

During this period of time, my wife found some things that led her to ask if I were gay. I wasn't going to lie to her when she asked and affirmed her suspicions. We agreed, at that time, that we would stay together because of the boys. However, as she had said many times prior to this knowledge, when the boys were out of the house, we would separate. I concurred and left it at that for the time being.

Steve was retired, but did some consultation work in Europe. During one trip, he asked me if I would check his email on occasion so that it didn't build up too much when he was gone. Also, he didn't want his wife to accidentally stumble on any incriminating e-mail's that might show up on his screen. She normally didn't, but he had a feeling that she was becoming suspicious, as well.

Which, actually, brings me to the title of this series of stories.

One evening, I signed on under Steve's name and began to clear his numerous emails. I was shocked to see all the guys that he conversed with, but realized it was about the same number that I did. Suddenly an Instant Message popped up on his screen.

I didn't see it at first, but when I did I immediately checked the profile. It was really intriguing. It indicated that "J" was a flight attendant, 26 years old, and from the stats that were included, seemed very hot. The following is an excerpt, from what I can remember, of the conversation.

Without going into much more, I think that you get the idea of the conversation. It eventually led to talking about sex, but in general terms. Here I was 48 years old talking to a 26 year old flight attendant. I know what it was doing for me, as I was very much aroused by a younger guy, but I was sure that it wasn't the same for him. He was being very nice talking to me, I thought, and left it at that.

We put each other on our buddy lists and agreed to talk from time to time. I thought that was the end of it, but also thought to myself how much I would LOVE to meet this guy.

As luck would have it, or bad luck I should say, Steve was injured while in Europe. When he returned, he was in a large cast that immobilized him. We talked back and forth on the phone and on the internet, nightly. I told him about Joel and how we met on his screen name. I also admitted to him that I would love to meet him someday and asked Steve to intervene. We laughed, but I was not really joking.

One evening we all were on the computer at the same time. I found out that Joel was going to drive down to Steve's to keep him company the next Monday. The more we talked, the more I wanted to ask to join them so I could meet Joel. I finally got up the nerve to ask and was more than graciously invited for lunch.

After Steve left, I asked Joel for his phone number so I could keep in touch. He gave it to me without hesitation. This made me feel very good, thinking that there was some interest there. In my mind I fantasized about being with a cute guy like him (I had seen his nude pictures which I USED frequently for obvious purposes), but the practical side of me knew that it wasn't something that would go anywhere. I had hoped that maybe we could have sex on Monday, but just meeting would be fun.

The next day, Friday, I called Joel. When he answered the phone I was at a loss for words. Joel has a very high voice and can be mistaken for a female, I have to say, so I asked if Joel were there. When he said it was him, I had a very excited sensation throughout my body. We talked for a while. I made some lewd comments to which he responded favorably. I was excited, but knew it was just talk. We both agreed we were excited to meet each other and said good-bye.

All weekend the anticipation grew. After having talked with Joel, I wanted to meet him ever more than before we had talked. His voice was extremely sexy which went along with the feelings I had for him already. I fantasized about him many times that weekend and what is would be like to be with him and meet him.

On Monday, I left early for lunch. Steve lived rather close to where I worked, and I had told my secretary that I would be on a long lunch, having to meet with a colleague. I hoped that it was a LONG lunch, but didn't know exactly what was going to transpire.

When I arrived at Steve's home, I saw that Joel had already arrived. The car in the drive wasn't Steve's so I knew it had to be his. I walked up to the front door, which was open. I went into the house and yelled at Steve. He replied that they were in the family room and to just come on in.

As I made my way through the kitchen, my eyes immediately rested upon Joel sitting in the lounge chair next to the television. There he was with one leg bent next to his chest. Looking over toward me and talking with Steve. I had a sudden lump in the pit of my stomach. There, before me, was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen. I never believed in love at first site, but I knew, at that very moment, that I really was attracted to this man and wanted to be with him.

We all sat and talked for a long time. All the time I was sitting next to Joel admiring him, and NOT from afar. At one point in our conversation I mentioned how much I liked him. I also indicated that I had a desire for a relationship with a younger guy. At that point, he looked over at me with a very serious expression. "If you ever want a guy like me, you can't be married. There is no way any guy wants to be with a married man."

Deep in my heart I knew what he said was right. It was apparent I desired something that I couldn't have. However, that didn't stop us that afternoon. There was a difference between a relationship and sex. What was supposed to be a 3-way, turned into a fabulous sexual encounter between Joel and me. Oh, we did get Steve off, but, unfortunately, neither of our attentions were totally expressed toward him. Joel and I sucked each other and erupted with a load of cum. It was the most amazing sexual experience I had had in my life.

After we had sex, I had to run back to the office. I knew that Joel was leaving shortly after I was and took the time before I got back to the office to call Steve. I asked him what Joel had said after I left. I was hoping that there was some interest there and that he might have said something to Steve.

He hadn't, but Steve knew where I was leading. He advised me to take it slow and that maybe something might be able to come out of this meeting. I had asked Joel, before I left, if we could see each other. He had responded positively, which gave me some hope.

Two days after I met Joel, I did something that would change my life forever. After agonizing over a decision that I felt was right for the past two days, I contacted an attorney to talk about proceeding with a divorce. Joel had said wasn't the cause, but it sure was the impetus I needed to go forward in my life. The attorney didn't handle divorce, but recommended an attorney in the same building that could help. I made an appointment for the next week, eagerly anticipating the outcome.

The following week, I called Joel and we made a date for dinner the following Tuesday. I was very excited in the prospects that it held. Steve and I talked over that week on how I should proceed and came to the conclusion that sex wasn't going to be the target of this meeting. I just wanted to get to know Joel and let him get to know me.

On Monday, I called Joel to set the time and place for dinner. I couldn't get hold of him, but left a message on his voice mail. Later that evening he returned my call. As he bgan to talk, I had a very sickening feeling that we wouldn't be able to have dinner. He told me that a friend of his was due for open-heart surgery and that he would be at the hospital with him the next day. I felt rejected, but understood.

As we continued to talk, he suggested that we still go out as his friend was in the recovery room. I was very pleased with we made the arrangements. I looked forward to just being with him the next day, getting to know him better.

I arrived at the hospital about 1:00. It took me a while to find Joel, but when I did, he came out of the recovery room to greet me. We hugged and he said, "Let's go."

We left the hospital and went to my car. We went to a local restaurant where we had lunch. Throughout lunch we just talked about him his career and me and my life. I admitted my anxiety about meeting him, but he put me at ease. As we finished lunch, we headed out to the car and I fully anticipated taking him back to the hospital.

As we got into the car, he asked if I wanted to go to a motel with him for the afternoon. Well, my heart sank, but there was another part of my body that rose to attention with that question. I told him that my intention was not sex and he told me he knew that. He also said it would be fun and that he would like to be with me for a while.

We headed to a Motel 6 where I registered and got a room. As we got into the room, he was standing in front of me looking so very sexy. I moved toward him and put my arms around him. I pulled him close to me and we kissed. He put his hands on my shoulders and guided me back onto the bed. Our hands began to roam all over each other.

He began to undue my belt and zipper as I undid his. My hand found its way onto his gorgeous hard cock. I began massaging it as I could feel it growing harder and harder. He was having the same effect on me at that very moment. Suddenly, he stood up and suggested we take a shower. I wasn't going to argue.

In the shower we kissed some more. Our hands began rubbing each other. Our cocks met as he grabbed them both in his hand. He began to stroke them slowly. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever had. I was about to cum, but I wanted to make this moment last as long as possible.

As we played in the shower, I could tell that this was more than just lust for me. I truly felt very attached to this young man and wanted much more than a quick fling. My physical reaction was evident, even to him and he stopped stroking our cocks. We got out of the shower and headed for the bed.

For about an hour, Joel and I played with each other in various ways. It was an oral afternoon, which was just fantastic. I loved taking his cock deep into my mouth. He was thrusting in and out as I was doing the same to him. We were both pretty much equal in the endowment department. Our 7" cocks seemed to fit well together.

We both hit orgasm that afternoon. I have to admit I was first as he excited me so very much. He continued to jack himself as I played with his balls. Joel's ejaculation was strong and I did take most of it in my mouth. I hadn't had a guy cum in my mouth for over 24 years and this was something I had anticipated for a long time. He was so sweet, so thick, and so delicious.

As we finished, Joel again showered. I took him back to the hospital. As we drove, I told him how I felt about him. I admitted that I wanted a long-term relationship and hoped we could continue to date and see where this lead. I know, now, that he didn't feel the same way at the time, but he did give me encouragement. It was at this time that I told him about my divorce. His eyes did light up a bit at that.

I asked him if he wanted to see me again and he responded favorably. I also asked him that when I had my own place if he wanted a place to live, that I would be happy to have him as a roommate, if nothing else. He said he's think about it, but didn't commit to anything.

As he left the car and entered the hospital, my hear was aflutter. I didn't anticipate an afternoon of sex, but, of course, wasn't disappointed. The best thing about that afternoon, in my mind, was the feeling I had that this was the beginning of something very special.

The Internet had opened a whole new world for me. A chance meeting had brought me a man that I was truly interested in spending time with. I hoped that Joel and I could continue to date and continue to learn more about each other. Time would tell, I was sure, but I was very happy and content at that very moment.