Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 12:29:51 +1100 From: James Raen Subject: Only When I Sleep Chapter 5 Pachabel's Canon played softly behind them, they were on a cliff, a beautiful sunset with the blue water crashing on the rocks below them. The minister spoke, "Do you take this man to your heart, forever loyal & loved by you for eternity?" "I do." Patrick said softly. "You may now kiss," The minister said with an air of finality. The couple turned around to face their congregation. Josh finally saw who the two grooms were...The couple was Sebastian & Patrick. Josh woke with a start. He was sweaty all over. His heart was racing a million miles an hour. He looked at the spunk of a man lying next to him. Gorgeous when he's sleeping, in fact gorgeous all the time. Josh looked over at the table. It was 5:09 in the morning. Thank god it was Saturday. He snuck out of bed, trying to decide what to do. Should he stay or should he go? He was not sure. He felt a queasiness envelope him. He felt panicky about his dream. He thought he should go and talk to Sarah, she would know what to do... He decided to leave, it was probably better anyway. He quickly dressed and scribbled a note on the notepad, tore it off and left it on the pillow. He reached down and kissed Patrick on the head. He was a sleeping angel. He opened Patrick's front door and closed it behind him. He ran. He ran all the way back to his house, by the time he got there he was panting very heavily and he had chest pains. He burst past the baffled security guards and sprinted into the nearest lift. He slammed the button for the 16th floor. When he arrived in his panting he collapsed on the floor. Literally crawling across the floor into the kitchen. He had many drinks of water before muttering to himself, "I've got to give up smoking..." He looked at the answering machine, there were four messages... "Joshie? It's mother. Just confirming that you're coming to your Aunt's for Christmas Lunch. I know you don't get along with them very well but Darling please put it aside for Jesus' birthday. Talk to you later Darling Ciao!" Josh was not happy. He hated his cousins and they hated him. They'd hated him ever since he came out to them. They gave him a very hard time. But on the bright side, his sister might be there. That would be nice, he hadn't seen her in ages. "J? It's Sare. Just ringing to ask how things are with Patrick. Also, Dad is fine false alarm. His lung's didn't collapse it was a peanut or something. Call me later!" "Josh, its Patrick. Just um...calling you to say that I can't wait to see you again tonight. OK. See `ya soon." It was the previous night's message. Josh couldn't help but think he'd done the wrong thing. "Joshie?! It's Seb. I was..." Josh almost collapsed...again. He went pale, "Not now you bastard." He said to the answering machine. "...just ringing to see if you want to um...do something with me later. Call me. I'm sorry for everything I did to you. Leaving you was the worst mistake of my life. I'll talk to you soon..." Josh felt numb. He lifted the phone and dialled Sarah's number. He spilled the events of the past 72 hours. "That bastard!" She exclaimed harshly. He told her about the dream. Sarah translated that it meant that Josh was afraid that Patrick and Sebastian were similar, like one person. That over time Patrick would do what Sebastian did, leave him. "But it felt like a warning." Josh retorted. "Josh trust me. Patrick is nothing like Sebastian. Seb was a creep from day one." Josh wanted to believe her so badly but he felt odd. They said their goodbyes and hung up. Josh sat on the end of the bed and sob. He was really confused. Should he stay with Patrick or go back to Sebastian? He needed to think. He needed to get out and clear his mind of the thoughts of romance, how much there was from Patrick and how little there was from Sebastian. He walked and walked until he realised that he had crossed the city and was headed into Suburbia. He was surprised it hadn't felt like he'd been walking that long. Since he was close, he decided to visit Pete & Eve. They'd been married for two years; they got married at the same time Sebastian and Josh ended their relationship. He was getting tired so he caught a taxi the rest of the way to their house. He looked at his watch; it was 1:00. He'd walked the entire morning off. He knocked on the door and entered. He greeted them and walked sullenly into their Lounge Room. He sat down and told them everything that had happened. "Stay with Patrick." They both said. "How are the twins?" Josh asked Eve. "Well I feel like a house. Everything hurts and I am due in two weeks give or take a couple of days. Back to you & Patrick, stay with him!" She said. "OK." Josh said grateful for their assistance. "You want a lift back to your place?" She asked "No it's cool. I'll just walk back." He said. He bid them goodbye and started walking back to his home. He got out his phone and called Sebastian. "Hey. Its Josh." "Joshie? It's great to hear your voice." Sebastian said sluttishly. "Don't call me that. You're pathetic. What happened? Did your line of tricks run out?" Josh asked cynically. "I'm sorry..." "No you're not. Anyway, I called to tell you that I'm seeing someone so I would appreciate it if you left me alone." Josh said firmly. "Oh Patrick?" Sebastian asked "How did you..." "Oh Joshie." Sebastian stated condescendingly. "You should change your answering machine code." Sebastian said smugly "You should have recognised his smell," Sebastian added cruelly. Then Josh understood. The aftershave, it was the same. Oh Shit. Josh threw his phone on the pavement as the cars whipped past him. The phone scattered into a million pieces. He bent down to find the SIM card. It wasn't damaged. He pocketed it and started to run. He ran. He was a person that ran when they were upset/confused and walked when thinking. At the moment he was sprinting. He ran. Ran. Ran. He then, out of breath walked back to his empty apartment. Everything had been so perfect. He was so angry. "Look what happened?! I'm in love for a day and then my heart gets broken. Never fall in love." Josh said loudly to himself. He'd been hurt by love again. By Seb again. That Dream meant more that Sarah had said. "What the fuck do I do now?" He asked himself. Confused he threw himself onto his bed. The tears came over and over... To be continued?? Constructive Criticism is most welcome, as are e-mails of encouragement. Flames however, will most certainly be ignored. Coments or Questions to raen_j@hotmail.com Copyright 2002 by J Raen