Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 02:13:10 -0000
From: ST
Subject: The Reluctant Porn Star

AUTHORS NOTE: If you like this story please let me know.  It is my first
submission but I have other stories and if this one turns out to be popular
I may get the confidence to submit another.  Thanks and enjoy.


			  The Reluctant Porn Star


     I was so excited.  A place of my own, albeit a shitty one room
apartment in a not so nice neighbourhood but still, I was finally my own
man.  My life up to that point had been less then picture perfect.  When I
was 10 I was put into foster care.  My Mother was too young when she had me
and even though she tried her best she couldn't handle the responsibility
of raising a child.  She also had a problem with alcohol and after a four
day bender in which she left me alone in our house social services came and
took me away.  I remember the court case. I remember the judge.  I remember
meeting with him and all the questions that, at the time I thought were
strange and I remember the last time I saw my mother shortly after that.
To the best of my knowledge she still has the alcohol problem and until she
gets better I don't want her in my life.  I am not bitter, time and some
good therapy has gotten me over that, but I don't want to reopen the wounds
that I worked so hard to heal.  My Father is a mystery, I haven't a clue
and my mother had no family that I knew of.  The foster family that took me
in after the trial were farm folk, good people, solid and stable, quite a
shock to a 10 year old mind after the roller-coaster ride that was life
with an alcoholic Mother.  The only problem was, they were not loving
people.  Life on a small farm in the mid-west is not easy and they spent so
much time working to keep the farm going that the problems of a mixed up
little boy were not a priority.  To them it was only important that they
provide a roof over my head, 3 meals a day and discipline, lots and lots of
discipline.  When I hit puberty I had finally had enough.  I ran away with
a vague notion of finding my mother but was soon picked up and returned to
them.  We repeated this drama a number of times until finally social
services removed me from the house when I was 16 and I was moved to a group
home.  One would think this was worse but it was what saved me.  In the
group room I got some help, a wonderful therapist who helped me work
through the anger and resentment I had toward my Mother and later helped me
come to terms with being gay.  He was a friend and mentor and I owe him my
life.  With his help I made it through high school mostly unscathed and
after graduation he helped me find an apartment in New York, the place I
needed to be so I could realise my dream of becoming an actor.

     Calling it an apartment was a little grandiose it really only aspired
to apartment.  It was basically one room with a tiny New York kitchen in
one corner, a bathtub in the middle of the floor and a closet that
contained a toilet and sink.  Another charming feature was the group of
homeless people and junkies who collected on the sidewalk outside the front
doors, but it was rent controlled and thus affordable.  I knew how hard it
was to find anything at all in New York so I refused to be a pessimist; I
made friends with the homeless, got an extra lock, bought a potted plant
for the fire escape and called it home.

     My first job was in a book store, it was called "One in Ten" and they
specialised in Gay erotica, really it was less a book store then a porn
shop but I have to say that my love life had never been better.  So many
guys came into the store and I was getting cruised all the time.  I guess I
am pretty good looking although its not something I think about all that
much. Yuri the owner of the shop called me "apple cheeks" cause he said
that with my blond hair, blue eyes and baby face, I looked wholesome.  Good
nutrition and hard work on the farm had given me a head start in the body
department and with working out, a popular pastime in the group home, I had
developed a pretty decent build, weighing in at a muscular 198lbs on my 6
foot frame.  One guy I saw regularly was a distributer for one of the porn
companies that supplied the store with videos.  He had approached me on a
few occasions about coming down to the companies offices to meet with one
of their directors.  He thought I would make a good porn actor.  I had
always turned him down, I am not a prude by any means but I was always
conscious that one day if I was lucky and I did make it as an actor I
wouldn't want some porn video I had made showing on the cover of the
Enquirer.  Every time he came in with a new load of videos he would offer
and every time he did I turned him down, but he was a nice guy and never
pressed me.  It became a joke, our ritual.  "When are you going to let me
put that cute ass on camera?" he would yell over and laugh.  It never
failed to make me blush.

     I had started making the rounds at agencies and casting offices but
wasn't having much luck.  I was one of thousands of pretty boy actors in
New York and every where I went I met with brick walls.  The only way to
get an agent was for them to see you in something but I couldn't get into
anything without an agent.  It was a catch 22 so I continued to make calls,
go to open auditions and hope to get lucky.  I did know of one way that I
could get an agent to see me act but it was out of my budget.  Some acting
classes would put together showcases.  The students would present scenes
from various plays and talent agents and casting directors would often go
to some of the more prestigious ones to scout for new talent.  My problem
was that the tuition for the more prestigious ones cost more money then I
could save working for years at the book store.

     An actor friend of mine had managed to get into one of these
places. In fact it was one of the best in the city and the instructor was
renowned for having worked with some big named actors early in their
careers. He told me I should come down and sit in on one of his classes,
when it was finished, he said, he would introduce me to the instructor (he
was sleeping with him) and see about arranging for an audition.  I jumped
at the chance.  I had no idea how I was going to pay the tuition if I got
in but I had to give it a shot.  As I watched the class that night it
occurred to me that I had so much to learn about acting, the students were
working on truth exercises and I found what they were doing exciting and I
wanted to be a part of it.  Beyond getting seen by somebody important in a
showcase I realised I needed the classes to grow as an actor.  The
Instructor was good, insightful, smart and a big flaming queen.  It was
obvious that he used his dick to pick a lot of his students cause the class
was mostly men and they were the prettiest bunch of men I had yet seen in
New York.  Well, I thought I am not above using my looks to get what I want
so I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt so that my biceps were nicely
displayed, made sure my blond hair was carefully and charmingly tousled,
flashed my toothiest grin and headed down to bewitch my way through the
front door.  It worked, he auditioned me that same night, (actually he
auditioned my crotch which seemed to be the only place he was looking) and
told me I could join the class right away.  My excitement faded however
when his assistant presented me with the registration forms and the tuition
fee listed was more then I had thought.  They had a monthly instalment plan
but it was still way out of my league.  In bed that night I tossed and
turned trying to figure out a way I could swing it but no ideas were forth
coming.

     As luck would have it the next day at the bookstore was a new video
delivery day and my friend the distributor gave me his usual pitch.  This
time I didn't blush.  "How much?" I asked.

" For that ass, you could pull 500.00 at least."  He smiled, obviously
thinking that this was some new part of our game.

"For real, how much could I make and what exactly would I have to do?"  My
tone said I was serious and he quickly looked up at me and studied my face,
"I need some money fast" I added.  He looked at me as if he couldn't quite
believe I was interested but he walked over to where I stood at the
counter.

 "Well how much money you make depends on what you would be willing to do,"
he said in a low voice, "some of the more specialised videos pay more.  A
straight suck and fuck will get you about 300.00."  Upon hearing the words
"suck and fuck" some of my resolve began to crumble.  I had gotten my share
of casual sex in the past but doing some guy I didn't know with a camera,
lights and a director yelling cut in the same room freaked me out.  I just
couldn't see myself doing it.  He continued to look at me quizzically.

"Is there anything else?" I asked, "I mean something that doesn't involve
sex."  He laughed and I blushed, yes it was a stupid question but I was
desperate.

"This is a porn video we are talking about.. what else is there?" he said
between laughs.  I must have looked pathetic and miserable cause he stoped
laughing. "Sorry kid, I'm not making fun.  What about wrestling? You ever
do any wrestling?"

"Some," I answered not sure what that had to do with the conversation, "in
school"

"This friend of mine makes these wrestling videos, you know a couple of
guys in speedo's wrestle each other and then jack off. The pay isn't as
much, maybe 50 bucks a match but he might pay more when he see's you.  Why
don't you come down with me to his studio tonight and check it out."  Now
this idea had potential, 50 bucks wasn't much but I did have a couple
hundred saved in the bank which would cover the deposit for the classes and
if I made a couple of these videos a week I could pay off the balance of
the tuition monthly.  Jacking off with people watching was no big deal,
like a circle jerk at scout camp and wrestling sounded like fun.  I had
loved wrestling in school and had been pretty good at it.  My face
brightened and I quickly agreed to meet him as soon as my shift finished at
the book store.

     The studio turned out to be the basement of a rundown office building
not far from the store. There was a large mat covering one end of the room
and mirrors on a couple of walls.  My buddy was right and the video
director offered me 75.00 a match after I stripped down to my briefs for
him in his office.  He had a couple of guys coming over to shoot a match
that night and he told me I could stick around to watch if I wanted.  I was
curious so I did.  I had an idea that it was going to be staged, like
professional wrestling but was shocked when he simply turned the camera on
and the two combatants went at each other.  They were two huge body
builders with thick necks, not my usual type but I have to admit that I was
getting super turned on watching them roll around the mat together. One
guy, a big Italian looking stud who went by the name of Blade was
completely dominating his opponent.  He got a couple of quick submission
out of the guy with a bear hug and a body scissors and the look of pain on
the poor losers face was real.  They wrestled for about ten minutes when
the one guy couldn't take anymore and gave in totally.  The winner pulled
off his speedos and the loser gave him a hand job then wacked himself off
afterwards.  By this time I was sporting a major hard on, I was ready to
give this a try.  We arranged for a session the next evening and another to
follow a couple of days later.

     Back at home I jerked off thinking about the two wrestlers, their hard
bodies covered in sweat as they pushed and pulled at one another.  I
pictured the face of the loser when he was wrapped in the Italian guys
massive thighs and he had to say "I give" before his opponent would release
him.  I kept picturing him with my thighs wrapped around his head.  I guess
I had always had this secret wrestling fantasy but had never tried it
before.  The next morning, after filling in the registration forms for the
acting class and sending it off with a cheque for 200.00 dollars I went to
the library and checked out some books on wrestling.  I eagerly went over
the photo illustrations, testing out holds and techniques on my pillow.  It
had been a few years since I had wrestled in school and I wanted to make
sure I didn't get my ass kicked first time out.  I got another boner as I
studied the books and when the time came to head to the studio I was
totally horny and looking forward to the match.

     I was the first to arrive at the studio and the director showed me
where I could change.  He gave me a blue singlet to put on and told me not
to wear anything underneath.  I stood in front of the mirror and looked at
my reflection.  The singlet was tight and the material stretched nicely
over my muscles.  I liked the way the straps came down the centre of my
chest leaving my nipples exposed.  I was still sporting a hard on and I
tried to arrange my cock inside the tight fabric of the singlet so that it
wasn't so noticeable but it didn't work and the outline of my dick was
clearly visible, Oh well, I thought, it is a porn video.  When I left the
bathroom my opponent had arrived and my jaw just about hit the floor when I
saw him.  He was without question one of the hottest guys I had ever seen.
He was about my age I guessed and close to my height and weight. He had
dark hair, cut short, nice brown eyes and killer face.  I thought I was
handsome but this guy was a god.  He looked like he belonged in a frat
house more then on the set of a gay wrestling video but I wasn't about to
suggest he leave.  He noticed me enter the room and immediately I could see
him sizing me up.  When his eyes reached the obvious bulge in my singlet he
flashed a wicked grin that gave him dimples and I could feel my cock
stiffen even more with the sight.  He was dressed in a t-shirt that pulled
nicely across his chest, blue tear away sweat pants and wrestling shoes.
"Hi" he said in a deep voice and I said a quick prayer of thanks that he
didn't sound like Richard Simmons with a lisp.  "I'm Justin" he continued
as he reached out his hand and headed toward me.

"Sean" I replied as I grasped his hand and we shook.  He squeeze a bit too
hard, trying to intimidate me with his strength, after all we were about to
wrestle but I held firm and didn't let it register on my face. I was no
wimp.

"Okay guys here is the set up" the director put in interrupting our macho
posturing, "Sean your on the mat doing some push up, sit ups whatever,
Justin you enter, you want to know what he's doing on your mats.. You
argue, flex, yadda yadda, a little pushing then Justin you rip off your
shirt and you wrestle.  I need about 10 minutes of film so don't go too
hard to start.  I don't want anybody to give in too soon so make it last,
oh yeah and at some point get the pants off and Sean take your straps down.
After you jack off and we are done.  Any questions?"

"Shoes?" I asked

"Oh yeah, check the box in the corner. We go in five minutes." the director
answered and went back to adjusting lights.  Justin followed me over to the
corner as I rummaged through the box of wrestling shoes looking for size
elevens.

"So you ever done this before" he asked me.

"What, look for shoes?".

"Wrestle on film? He answered smirking at my smart ass reply, " I don't
think I've seen you around before."

"No this is my first time."  I answered as I found a pair of beat up white
tigers and began to lace them up.

"A rookie," he smiled, "excellent. Don't worry I'll take it easy on ya. "
the wide grin and dimples made him look boyish.

"Don't hold back on my account dude." I kidded, " I want to enjoy it when I
kick your ass.

"All right, this should be a good match."

"Hey. Listen, I didn't realise there was a plot to this thing, do you know
what your going to say?"  I asked.  That part had surprised me, my actor
instincts were working overtime trying to come up with character motivation
and back story.

"Don't sweat it, just follow my lead and remember the cockier the better."
He said as he began to do some stretches.

"I take it you've done this a lot?" I asked.

"No not really, Your only my third one.  I work mostly as a print model,
but that gets kinda boring you know.  This guy I was know brought me down
here a while ago cause he was making one and it looked like fun so I gave
it a try. "

"And is it?" I asked, "fun I mean."

"Depends on the opponent" he smiled wickedly and let his eyes rest on my
crotch.

      Fun, yes this was certainly going to be fun.  A couple of minutes
later the director had finished the set up and called us over to the mat.
I started to get a little nervous as he went through the scenario one more
time and picked up his camera.  My first film was all I could think as I
took my place on the mat and started doing push ups.  The nerves had
accomplished one thing my hard on was gone.  I did about 20 push up then
the director motioned for me to stand up face the mirrors and flex, I did a
couple of biceps poses, flexed my triceps and pecs, My stomach rolled over
with the nerves.  I could see Justin standing just out of camera range
smiling broadly and checking out my body as I pumped my muscles, he was
obviously enjoying my little show.  I had been around hot guys before, even
slept with a few but something about Justin really had me going.  The
director gave Justin the signal and he walked into the camera frame and
stood behind me.  "Hey cocksucker, what are you doing here?" he snarled.
Just remember, cocky, I thought as I turned to face him.

"What's it to ya dickhead?" Not bad, a little shaky on the delivery but
okay.

"These are my mats, nobody goes on them without my permission and I don't
remember giving you my permission." He jabbed his finger into my chest
catching me off guard and making me take a step back.

"The only permission I need is right here dude." and I raised my arms into
a double biceps pose.  Justin smiled and shook his head then shoved me
hard, I was ready for it this time and braced myself so that I didn't have
to take a step back.  I reached up grabbing his t-shirt at the neck line
and yanked ripping it open leaving his chest completely exposed. "Let's see
what you got mother fucker" I growled.  A momentary look of shock spread
across his face, he wasn't expecting that and I turned my head slightly
away from the camera and winked at him.  He turned as well and winked back.
He pulled off the remaining bits of his shirt and pumped his arms into a
double biceps pose that was truly spectacular.

"Your in for it now dude, I'm going to kick your ass good" he said as I
matched his pose. We stood nose to nose, pumping our arms, two evenly
matched studs. I felt my cock stiffening again as the nerves melted away
and my heart began to beat harder with the anticipation of rolling around
on the mat with this guy.  His grin faded as he lunged for me and gripped
me with one hand behind the back of my neck and one hand on my shoulder.
Collar and Elbow I thought as I did the same, straining and pulling trying
to get him off balance.  With a hard shove he pushed me off and we each
took a step back.  We straightened up and began to circle.  The play acting
was over this was serious wrestling and I could tell by the look in his
eyes that he really wanted to beat me.  Not without a fight I thought as I
moved in toward him and we locked up again.  As I reached for his neck he
dropped to one knee and wrapped both his arms around my waist, in one quick
motion he stood up lifting me off the ground and tightened his grip forcing
the air out of my lungs.  I was further winded as he tilted slightly and
slammed me down onto the mat landing with full force on top of me.  Faster
then I could react he moved to a sitting position on my chest and flexed
his arms.  "How's that for a start dude" he taunted "you think you can take
this." I bucked and bridged knocking him off balance as I rolled out from
under him.  We both quickly scrambled to our feet.  With a pull Justin
released the snaps on his pants and kicked them off.  Underneath he had on
baby blue square cut briefs with a yellow strip down each side. >From the
bulge in his crotch he obviously had a good sized dick and I thought about
after the match and what I planned to do to it.  He was on me again and I
tried to concentrate, we ended up on the mat again, me on my stomach and
him slightly behind and beside me.  He reached around with one of his arms
and wrapped his hand over my mouth and chin.  I could feel his biceps hard
against my ear as his other arm reached down, grabbed my ankle and pulled
up.  He held firm to my chin controlling my head as he lifted up on my leg
stretching me out along my upper thigh and abs.  I grunted with the strain
and struggled to break his hold, this wasn't going well. Only a couple of
minutes in and he was completely dominating me.  I grabbed at the wrist
holding my face and pulled breaking his lock on my head and slid forward
trying to get out of his reach. He released my leg and I felt him sit on
the small of my back. Both his arms wrapped around my chin neck and he
leaned back forcing my head up and bending my spine in a way it was not
meant to bend.  I let out a groan as the pain along my back intensified the
further he leaned back.  I tried to relieve some of the pressure by going
up on my elbows but it didn't help. Nothing in the books I had looked at
told me how to break this hold but I was determined not to give it.  I
could hear Justin grunting as he pulled harder.  "Tap out buddy, your
done." he growled as my face twisted with the agony of the hold.  I fought
it for a couple of seconds longer but eventually I couldn't stand it and
had to say I give.  Justin broke the hold and rolled off me.  I lay on the
mat for a few seconds before I stood up.  We were both sweating, Justin's
hair was plastered to his forehead and our breathing was hard.  No question
about it this was real.  I remembered what the director had said and I
removed the straps of my singlet, letting them fall to my sides.  We
started the second round again locking up in the traditional collar and
elbow, I was determined to make a better showing this time and I was on
guard for his bear hug takedown move.  I managed to get him into a side
head lock, my hands tightly locked in a wrestlers grip and his head firmly
wedged into my arm pit.  He wrapped his arms around my waist and managed to
pull me over onto the mat but I held onto the headlock.  He lay on his side
with me in a sitting position, my back resting against his chest.  He
placed a hand under my chin and began to push up trying to break my hold.
Eventually I had to release his head but I made sure to crank on it hard
before letting go, hoping to weaken him a little. For the next minute or
two we grappled on the mat, nobody getting a clear advantage.  Arms and
legs entwined we rolled around, at one point I ended up on my back with his
legs wrapped around my upper arm as he attempted to lock on an arm bar but
I managed to power out before he could secure his hold on my wrist.  We
wrestled on the mat again until I ended up behind him.  I reached around
his shoulder and grabbed the wrist of his opposite hand as I slipped my
other hand under the arm I was controlling and around the back of his neck
in a half nelson.  This was called a cross face chicken wing and I felt him
tense as I locked it. My grip on his wrist was solid and I pushed down on
his neck as I pulled up on his arm.  He writhed and struggled under me but
I held on and it wasn't long before he tapped the mat with his free hand
and mumbled I give.  I broke and stood up he flopped over on the mat and
lay on his back panting. I don't know what possessed me but I couldn't
resist, I placed a foot on his chest and flexed my biceps for the camera.
Justin pushed my foot off and rolled away.  We were both completely soaked
with sweat by this point, we had been wrestling for 10 minutes hard.  The
next round saw three quick submissions, first I managed to get Justin in a
head scissors like I had seen the Italian guy do.  I locked my ankles with
my thighs firmly pressing against his head and he tapped out before he
blacked out.  I thought I had him again when I locked in a waist scissors
but Justin reached up and twisted my nipples forcing me to break the hold
and before I knew it he had me tied up in a figure four leg lock that would
have busted my knee if I hadn't given.  With not much strength left we
started the fifth round. It was a question of endurance.  I managed to take
Justin down with a fireman's carry but wasn't able to follow up with a hold
of any great force, he easily broke my attempt at an ab stretch once on the
mat. We exchanged a few more holds but I finally submitted when I ended up
on my back with him sitting just behind me.  My head resting on his crotch,
his legs over my chest scissoring my head and his hands locked around one
of my calves forcing my knee into my face.  "You give yet." he yelled.

"I give" I mumbled feebly.

"I can't hear you?"

"I give, I give" I groaned.  He released me and moved around till he was
sitting on my chest, his knees resting on either side of my head and his
crotch pressed firmly against my chin.  He flexed his biceps again and
said.

"That is why these are my mats punk."  He reached down and grabbed the back
of my head with both hands and pulled up forcing me to bury my face in his
crotch.  He wiggled around mashing his cock against me and I could feel him
starting to get hard.  My own dick responded as without thinking about the
camera or the director I opened my mouth and licked the outline of his cock
through the tight material of his shorts.  He moaned and I reached up and
placed my hands on his firm chest.  I pulled at his nipples playfully as he
ground his crotch into my hungry mouth.  He slid back along my stomach
until he was lying directly on top of mer.  Our cock's strained in our
shorts as he placed his mouth on mine and I felt his tongue move around
mine.  I arched my back and raised my hips forcing our crotches tighter
together and I reached down and place my hands on his firm ass.  He raised
his head and smiled, "To the victor," and he quickly stood up and pulled
his shorts off.  His cock was thick and the tip glistened with precum as he
lied back down on me, this time with his head in my crotch and his dick in
my eager mouth.  As I wrapped my lips around his shaft I felt him pull my
singlet down and the warm wetness as he took my cock into his mouth.  I
sucked hard on his dick, stopping only to give his balls some much needed
attention.  He moaned with pleasure as I ran my tongue along the thick vein
at the base of his dick.  It wasn't long before I felt him exploded in my
mouth and I swallowed his hot, salty cum.  I came shortly after and he took
my lode in one swallow.  He moved back to face me and we kissed again, the
taste of my own cum still in his mouth.  It was only then that I remembered
the camera and I looked up to see the director starring at us with his
mouth wide open.  He realised we were both staring at him and he managed to
collect himself enough say "you only needed to jerk off, I ain't paying you
any more."  Both Justin and I doubled up laughing, getting paid for what we
had just done seemed ridiculous anyhow.  It seemed to make more sense to
pay him.

Justin and I went for a beer after.  We talked most of the night, then went
back to my place for a rematch.  I wrestled again a couple of nights later
(that one I won) and Justin came to watch.  We started seeing each other on
a regular basis and when the video came out featuring our wrestling match I
presented him with an autographed copy.  It turned out to be big seller and
we ended up taping a rematch a couple of months later due to overwhelming
demand from the customers.  Two months later Justin got a contract with a
major modelling agency so he stopped making the wrestling videos.  I
attended my class, taped a few more matches (jerk off only), did my
showcase and managed to get an agent.

Justin and I moved in together shortly after that.  His modelling career
has really taken off and I started getting some real acting work, even a
off Broadway play that got reviewed in the New York Times.  We joke about
making some more videos, Justin keeps trying to get me to do a tag team
one and every so often we pull out the tape of our first match and watch
it.  If the videos I made ever do show up on Entertainment Tonight I will
deal with it, without them I wouldn't have met Justin and I can't imagine
my life without him.