Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2001 01:37:29 -0000 From: Andrew Ridal Subject: rest in pieces REST IN PIECES or You only die twice Andrew - 18 years old, Homosexual. Tony - 17 years old, Andrew's first boyfriend Michael - 21 years old, Andrew's second boyfriend Heather - Andrew's best friend Jen - A good friend of Andrew Terry - Andrew's Father The different scenes referred to are really just to break up the monologue. The blackouts should really be no longer than about thirty seconds. Scene 1 The scene opens in a bedroom, with bed, desk with chair, easy chair, an open chest and table with chair. It is daytime in April; sunlight is shining through a window into the bedroom. Andrew is sat on the bed. Andrew This was my bedroom. [shrugs shoulders] Nice isn't it. I'm sorry; I should start at the beginning. My story starts last August. My Nana had died earlier on in the year and I had just got my inheritance. Instead of just putting it in my bank account and drinking it away, I decided to use half of it to buy a laptop. I put the other half in the bank so I could drink it away. I also bought a mobile phone. The new laptop brought new software; the new software brought new sites on the Internet. Including Yahoo chat. In the last couple of weeks of the summer holidays I spent virtually every minute of every day on this chat site, talking to loads of people from all over the world. One night (well actually it was about three o'clock in the morning), I started chatting to TC. [Tony enters stands next to easy chair downstage left] Antony Peter Clarke. Tony. [gets up and moves to stage right of the easy chair downstage left]. After we had been chatting for a few hours, we exchanged phone numbers. Not expecting to hear anything from him again I said goodnight. [sits in easy chair, pauses and looks up at Tony and back to audience.] It was 23 minutes to one, the following afternoon; I was on the bus; Tony called. The conversation was short, but there was some attraction there. We arranged to speak later that day. We were on the phone for a couple of hours that night. He was 17 then; he lives in Essex so it was hard me being at the other end of the country but it made the relationship stronger because we got to know each other, well, before sex came into the equation, even though we jacked off two or three times during the call. Some of the best orgasms I've ever had. It was strange, even though I had only known him for a few hours and we had never met I still felt very close to him. He had only realised that he was gay a few months before. He hadn't told anyone. All my friends knew I was gay. I was lucky, I'd realised I was when I was thirteen or fourteen. I met Andrew when I was fourteen and we were together for over two and a half years, when he joined the RAF. I loved Andrew (we were known as the two Andys with the wandering handies), I was proud of Andrew so I had told people so everyone knew at school and later college. They had grown up with it. It was cool, it meant I could talk to people. I didn't have to 'come out' to them first. I told Tony all about my friends knowing and how much easier it was to, well, well to talk. He took my advice and told his best friends. I encouraged him to go meet someone who he had met on the net who was in London a few weeks later. Tony [sits on arm of easy chair] Evander, the first man I ever kissed never mind fucked. It felt so right. I knew for sure. It was like someone had lifted a big weight from my shoulders. Andrew I was so happy for Tony. Evander however, was just a shag, just a confirmation of his sexuality. Tony and me grew a lot closer in the next couple of months. We spoke everyday at least three times. We fell in love, well as in love as two people who had never met could be. [Tony takes Andrew's hand and kisses Andrew on the lips. Andrew stands and moves centre stage looks at Tony and smiles before looking back to the audience] Three months later, I was going down to London to visit a university. [Tony takes chair from the desk over to the table right of centre stage before taking out a mobile phone and holding it to his ear] I had a couple of hours after the visit before my train home. I arranged to meet Tony at Euston station. [Andrew takes out mobile phone. Speaking into phone] I'm on the main concourse just in front of Burger King. I'm wearing a black suit with a royal blue shirt. Tony Ok, give me two secs. [moves behind Andrew] I Love you. [as Tony says this, he throws his arms around Andrew. Andrew turns and they kiss.] I've waited so long to do that. I love you. [they kiss again] Andrew [to Tony] I love you to. I've got two and a quarter hours before my train. Should we grab some food? Tony Sure. [they kiss again] Andrew [to audience] Despite the obvious temptation of Burger King (I'm sorry but its just not Mcdonalds!) [hand in hand Tony and Andrew move to the table. They sit at adjacent corners of the table both facing the audience][speaking as they move] we decided to go upstairs to the bar and get a couple of sandwiches. I had roast beef and horseradish source. Tony had chicken and mayonnaise. All garnished with a bottle of red wine, and a lot of footsie. He had a little bag with him with some photos in of all his friends. He also had a little beanie bear with him called Andrew. It was just too sweet. It was time to get my train. [Andrew gets up and carries the chair back to the desk he sits on the desk and continues to audience, Tony moves back across to downstage left] We walked down to the platform hand in hand. It was so weird, not feeling paranoid about walking through a packed station, hand in hand with another guy. We were stood on the platform, my train behind us full of people, another train just come in front of us (no pun intended) and there I was getting off with him. The whistle blew. We didn't stop. The train went. So we went for another drink. [Andrew looks at Tony. Tony turns and smiles. Andrew turns back to the audience.] We made love in the station toilets: [pause] best twenty pence I ever spent. [Tony turns, smiles at Andrew and exits stage left.] We eventually said goodbye, and I got a train to Manchester. I had missed the last train home. I got my brother to pick me up from Manchester Piccadilly and he drove halfway home and my parents had to meet us half way. We got home about half twelve. Woops! [Pause] My relationship with Tony grew stronger rather than closer. I was due to be going down to another university in London the following week we arranged to meet up again. In that time Tony had been talking to various people, and had met Matt. Tony really fancied Matt and he told me that he wanted to go out with him. This pleased me, don't get me wrong I really loved Tony but was difficult being at the other end of the country. So Tony and me agreed it was best to remain 'friends who shag'. We met up the following week as planned, we went out for a meal, then we went for a few drinks at a gay bar in leister square. It was a good job I didn't have to worry about getting back to Cumbria, I was due to be in Manchester the following day so I was going to stay in Manchester with my brother. Matt met us in the bar and we got to know each other well. When it was time to leave, Tony and me kissed, then I kissed matt and then I got my train they both waved me off from the station. It was very cute. It reminded me of two parents waving goodbye to their son. The three of us are great friends still. Tony has a new boyfriend now though: James. Tony and I still speak virtually everyday. [BLACKOUT] Scene 2 This scene once again takes place in Andrew's bedroom. It is still daytime, sun is still shining through the window; Andrew is sat on his bed. He is talking to the audience. Andrew Michael. I met Michael on the phone one of those chat lines, I'd won some vouchers from Attitude (sorry for those of you that don't know, Attitude is a gay magazine, the gay equivalent of Loaded); you don't think I'd be that sad as to call one and pay for it myself do you? [smiles nervously and laughs with the audience] Anyway, Michael, He sounded sweet so we got chatting. [Andrew gets up and sits on the desk. Michael enters downstage right] Michael is 21, and lives in Grimsby. It was apparent after talking for only a few minutes that we were going to get on well. [Michael turns to Andrew and smiles before turning back to the audience] We exchanged phone numbers. [Pause] I was very ill over Christmas and Michael being a student nurse was very helpful. He has a fantastic bedside manner, even over the phone. Michael and me spent many hours on the phone over that period. We had a lot, a hell of a lot in common. It was really quite scary sometimes just how similar we were, there was a very strong link between us, everything from fancying Lee from Steps and loving Graham Norton to something as trivial as our favourite music, because of this I found myself falling very, very, quickly for him. It was madness. You would have thought that I would have learnt my lessons with long distance relationships with Tony but. Michael was different. He was older, wiser more, more me. He suited me more. He had had many partners so this wasn't new to him either. It was difficult sometimes, being so much, well, well, In love and being apart. We made various arrangements to meet, but because of his work commitments, every time we were going to meet he got called into work, this happened about three times before we actually met. We met in Manchester. We didn't have long together, but the time we did have was fantastic. I went to Manchester under the pretence that I was going to see my brother but I actually met Michael first in the early afternoon. [Michael walks to Andrew and sits on the desk] We went to 'Bar 38', a large coffee house, we had coffee and coffee and even more coffee, for about 2 hours I drank nothing but coffee! I was happy though; Michael and I were getting very close. [Andrew stands up, kisses Michael, Michael stands up and moves back downstage left. Andrew sits back down.] We said our goodbyes, kissed and walked in opposite directions. Then I got this call on the mobile. It was Michael. He told me to turn round. He'd written 'I love you' on the pavement with a stone. I ran up and kissed him. [Michael turns and smiles at Andrew] We spoke on the phone for well over two hours that night. After the Christmas holidays, I went back to college, and Michael went back to work. He was working nights, which was a pain in the arse, we could only talk at certain times during the day because he usually was asleep. But I do think this made the relationship stronger, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that crap. But no I think it did help; it meant we actually had something to talk about, instead of just saying 'I love you' fifteen hundred times every phone call. [Andrew gets up and moves to the easy chair and sits down. Michael sits down on the arm and puts his arm around Andrew.] It was two weeks into the spring term. Every thing was going well, I was getting fired up for my A' levels, my eighteenth birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks, [looks up at Michael] I was in love with a great guy and I was flying. [Andrew gets up and walks to centre stage, Terry walks in to down stage right, Michael stands up still downstage left] The phone rang; it was Michael. Michael Hello sweetie. Andrew [To audience] He always calls me that. The conversation was fairly general; we were talking about music for most of it. Michael and I love cheesy pop; you know things like 'YMCA','I Will Survive' and well, anything by Abba. Yes you're right, it was camper than Christmas but hey, any conversation that contains Abba, Gloria Gainer and the Village People is going to be firstly taking place between two or more gay people and secondly its going to be camp. Michael We're too much alike. Its scary I bet you even like 'Steps'. Andrew AAAAAHHHHHHHH [screams with delight] I love them! Especially Lee. Michael Oh yes. He's gorgeous. [BLACKOUT, Andrew sits on bed before restore] Andrew The conversation ended and I thought nothing else of it. [Terry walks to bed] Terry Andrew, I accidentally caught the monitor button on the phone. Who was that on the phone? Andrew [to audience] Accidentally my arse. Yes, the bastard had been listening in on my phone call. I panicked. Just how much had he heard? I said that I had been booking the next sixth form social, where we hire out a nightclub for a night and everyone gets pissed, and I had been talking to the DJ about the music he was to play. I hoped he would buy it. Terry Oh, [Pause] he sounded like a right puffter. You don't want to be around people like him, he might try something. Andrew [to Terry] Dad, he's the DJ from the club. I have no intention of even talking to him again. Terry Good, you don't want to either, he might try and convert you. [Terry freezes] Andrew [to audience] I still cannot believe what dad said next, it completely fucked me up. [Terry- continuing:] Terry Because if you even think of becoming a fucking faggot you may as well leave now. We've got enough problems already. Andrew [to audience] The next thing that I said shocked me even more: [to Terry] There's no danger of that don't you worry. Terry Good. [BLACKOUT. Terry exits] Scene 3 Andrew is sat with his head in his hands on the easy chair downstage left. He is crying. The open chest is lit. Andrew [to audience] I couldn't believe what he had said. As soon as he left I burst out crying. I didn't know what to do. [Jen enters downstage right] I called Jen. Jen, hi, sorry to bother you, Jen I need a favour, can you call me at home? It's just I need a girl to call. Jen Sure no problem, I assume something's happened at home. I'll call in about five minutes ok? [Jen moves to centre stage, Terry enters stage right] Andrew [as they move] Yeah cheers Jen. Jen Hello darling. Terry Hello? Jen Oh sorry is Andrew there please? It's Jen. Terry Yeah I'll just get him. [shouts] Andrew, Telephone, It's Jen. [Terry exits, Jen moves back to downstage right] Jen Hello darling, How are you my love? Andrew Its Ok he's put the phone down. Cheers Jen, I'll explain tomorrow what happened. Thanks again. Jen Its ok, I'll see you tomorrow. [Jen exits stage right, Andrew gets up and lies on the bed on his front facing the audience. Michael also moves to the bed and straddles Andrew, massaging him] Andrew I rang Michael. He was wonderful; he calmed me down. He was very philosophical about the whole situation. There I was crying on the end of the phone and there was this voice, this God like voice (yes its true God does have a Yorkshire accent) telling me that everything would be all right and that I should stay calm. He said that I couldn't let my parents see that I was upset, because that would lead to more questions. Teatime. [pause] After a very, well, hostile tea I rang Michael again. This time I just let all of my feelings pour out. I was on the phone for three and a half hours. Going over everything that had happened time and time and time and time again. It felt as if my heart had been pulled straight out of my chest and kicked around like a football. He just listened. He understood everything. He explained that dad was brought up in a time where gay sex was seen as wrong and indeed it was illegal. [getting angry] Dad was always one of the 'boys' so for his son to be gay was just out of the question. Well hello this is me I am what I am. I am my own [shouting] fucking special creation. Ha. [pause, crying] Who the fuck am I kidding? [calmer, with underlying rage] He would see me as just another 'dirty puffter' as he would so tactfully put it. The bastard. Michael Wow, let it all out why don't you. Andrew you can't let him hear you like this. As far as he is concerned at the moment, you've told him you're not gay, you're still living up to his narrow-minded heterosexual views. Just don't show him that what he said upset you in any way. Andrew [interrupting] But. Michael I know its difficult but it is something you have to do. I love you; you know that. If there's anyone who will always be here for you its me. Andrew [to audience] I grew stronger with his words. I said good night. I was still hurting badly inside. I did however have a small flame burning in my heart that was my love for Michael. [Michael exits stage left] Naively, I tried to get to sleep. How the fuck could I sleep. It was ten thirty: I rang Tony. Again, all I did was cry down the phone. I said to him 'never let them find out! Go and tell them now'. He was also fantastic. He let me go on. He said it was like listening to the ravings of a madman. He was probably right, was I going mad? Great, mad and queer well I've got a lot going for me haven't I. It was midnight. I rang Heather. [Heather enters downstage right] She wasn't answering her mobile. I left a text message: 'Ring me ASAP. Love a virtually homeless Andrew.' She rang back within seconds. I felt so alone, but I had all these friends I knew I could call. Heather What's up? What's happened? Why the virtually homeless bit? Andrew Its dad. He threatened to throw me out. Heather Why? Andrew Why do you think? Heather I don't know. [realising] Because, because. Andrew Yes because I'm gay. Heather You told them? Andrew No did I hell. Dad listened in on a phone call I made to Michael. Heather Oh god. Andrew He challenged me as to who was on the phone, I lied to him, said it was the DJ from the nightclub we're going to for the social. I don't know how much he heard. Heather What did he say? Andrew He said that if I ever even think about becoming a faggot that I may as well leave now. Heather Oh god, what did you say? Andrew I said there was no danger of that. Heather Why didn't you just tell him? Andrew I really wanted to, but I like having a roof over my head. Heather You think he would throw you out? Andrew Oh yes. He wouldn't think twice about it. He's so bloody stubborn. I wish I had. Heather This may seem like a stupid question, but are you all right? Andrew No [starting to cry] Heather What did your mum say? Andrew I don't know if she knows. She'll be fine with it, I know. Heather Well why don't you. Andrew [interrupting] No Heather, before you say it no. I'm not going to tell mum. No. Heather Wow. Ok. I'm sorry. So what exactly happened? Andrew [to audience] I told her everything that had happened. [to heather] I'm sorry, I don't usually cry this much. Heather Oh don't worry I've done it often enough. I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. If only it had come in another five months. You know you can always talk to me don't you. Andrew Yeah, cheers Heather. [to audience] She's fantastic. I was on the phone until quarter past two. She had to be up early the next morning as well. I eventually fell asleep at about four, and then woke up at five in a cold sweat. It was horrible. I couldn't sleep at all. I went in to college next day early. I spoke to Jen there. She told me to go home. Luckily, mum and dad were both at work that day so I would have the house to myself. I went to Blockbuster and got a couple of videos out. 'Gods and Monsters' and 'L.A. Confidential'. Two of my most favourite films ever made. I took them home, brought my duvet downstairs to the living room and vegetated. Wallowing in self-pitty, complete with chocolate, and popcorn. It was bliss. I rang Michael and was on the phone to him a lot during the day. I didn't have to think or do anything. Surprisingly, the day was over quickly. I didn't sleep again that night. But I was so tired from the previous night I did have more sleep, even if it was fairly restless. I went in to college the next day. Friday. I went to one lesson, did nothing, cried virtually all the way through the lesson and then started throwing my file around the room. I was not in any state of mind to be in college. I could have hurt someone. God knows I wanted to. I had maths next. As soon as the teacher saw me she said go home. I looked in a mirror. My face was red from the tears, my eyes were bloodshot, and my hair was a mess. Basically I looked like shit and felt worse. [Andrew moves and sits on chair by desk] It was the weekend. I told mum and dad that I was going down to see my brother at university in Salford. I did, I just didn't stay long. I went to see Michael in Grimsby. I stayed with Michael in a hotel. It was great to get away from it all. I felt really comfortable with Michael not threatened at all unlike at home. I went back to my brother on Sunday night, just in case the parents rang, which was lucky, because they did. They wanted to know if I was going home that night, I said yes. I got home at about one o'clock Monday morning. I kept away from my parents the following week. I avoided them as much as possible. We were co-habiting as opposed to living together. [BLACKOUT] Scene 4 Andrew is sat on the chair by the table. It is nighttime; the room is in midnight blue wash. There is a single spot on Andrew. Andrew During the next few weeks the relationship didn't change much between my parents and I. We did start speaking I told them that I was bogged down with work. My form tutor from college rang mum to ask of I was ok, because a few of my teachers had noticed a significant decline in my work over the past few weeks. Mum attributed this to the fact that I was doing too much and that I should be either at home of at college and nowhere else. This made things worse for me. They were stopping me from doing the things that were keeping me sane. To top it all, just before half term a very good friend of mine was taken into hospital. She was my singing teacher and we knew each other very well. She was a great friend to me as well as a great inspiration. She died eight days later. That just added to my problems. Life had hit rock bottom. [pause] After half term, things hadn't improved much. I eventually plucked up the courage to go and tell the head of sixth form why I had been so shit during the last half term. I told him everything. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. He was great. He wrote to all the universities that I had applied to, and explained that I was having 'severe personal problems at home' so it was good to know that some of the pressure had been lifted from me. My parents were going to Egypt in two weeks I would be at home on my own for two and a half weeks. Peace at last? Huh, I should be so lucky. The home phone bill arrived for the last quarter. Four hundred and thirty two pounds sixty-seven pence. My mobile bill for the last month was two hundred and ten pounds. In total I had spent about nine hundred pounds on calls in the past three months; nine hundred pounds that I didn't have. [Angrily] Why can't rich relatives hurry up and die? [regaining composure] Now I had hit rock bottom. [the spot fades on Andrew he moves to the bed and sits in silence for a few seconds,the lights restore on Andrew] I made arrangements with mum to pay off the landline bill, I had enough money to cover the mobile bill but that left me broke. I had very little money coming in as well. Because I had told mum that I was working hard, she had reduced my hours to virtually nil. Fucking hell I was in a mess! [blackout, Terry enters and stands downstage right] The next few weeks passed surprisingly ordinarily. The relationship with my parents appeared to be stabilising, or so I thought. I was looking forward to my parents going away, I had arranged for Michael to come up and stay for the weekend, and life was well as great as it could be. Mum had left me some money and a blank cheque in case anything went wrong. However, this apparent silver lining to the cloud turned out to be only silver plating. As they were leaving, my parents told me that there were to be no parties, and I was not even allowed friends round to the house (like that was going to stop me). It was what dad said that got to me. Terry I don't want any of your puffter friends around either. [Terry exits stage right] Andrew That was it, I snapped. I said goodbye, watched them drive down the road locked the door and burst in to tears. Then sadness turned to rage. I remember thinking 'let me out' I'd had enough, everything came to a head, I couldn't go on; my A'levels had been fucked up just like the rest of my life. I had nothing to live for. [Blackout. Andrew moves to the desk and sits on the corner. Restore] I suppose you're thinking how did he do it? How did he top himself? [Pause] Well, I didn't. What was the point? I had already died. I died when dad said what he said to me. I was resting in pieces. No suicide was too easy for him. I was bitter, very bitter. I wanted to make this hurt. I wrote out the cheque for twenty thousand pounds. I knew the money was there; it was the leftovers from the inheritance. I went to the bank and cashed the cheque. Twenty grand. Twenty grand to start a new life. Michael arrived about eight thirty that evening. We made plans, I was to live with him for a few weeks in his student flat in London until I could get a job and hopefully an apartment. I left a brief note, 'Thanks Mum, blame Dad, have a nice life, don't come looking for me, I'll contact you. Oh by the way Dad, I fucked Michael on your bed.' I also left a note on the be saying 'I fucked Michael here' with an arrow pointing to a cum stain. [Andrew moves back to the bed and sits on the end] Michael persuaded me to stay at the house for a couple of days until the money had cleared and I had had time to change my bank account. I set up a post office box as a correspondence address and everything was going well. We left a few days later. I took dad's car, and his fuel card so I could use it at least until the bastard got back. I was upset that I had to leave but I needed to get away and rebuild my life. [Blackout] Scene 5: Epilogue Andrew is sat in the easy-chair downstage left. Andrew Six months on and I am rebuilding my life. In fact things are looking quite good for Michael and me. I've got a job with the English National Opera, I'm studying at music college at the same time. I stayed with Michael and we've a nicer apartment in north London. He's become a senior staff nurse at a Hospital just outside London. I haven't spoken to my parents since they left for Egypt. To be honest I don't really care about them. That brings me on to why I came back to my old room. Well I had a few days off, I knew that mum and dad would be at work so I decided to see if they'd changed the locks. They hadn't so I came up to my room. It hasn't changed. Do you like it? I designed it myself. [Andrew breaks down crying, Pause, shouts] The bastard! [Andrew gets up and in a fit of rage turns over his bed and pushes over the desk before regaining his composure and stands centre stage] I love Michael. I can't live with my parents. I don't need them at the moment. I've a good job, a prosperous future, a nice home and a fantastic boyfriend. I have the respect of my peers from my old college (with whom I still keep in touch) and a good life: who could ask for anything more? The only thing I fear is death; strange really, when I've already died once before. At least when I do die I wont have to go through it again, because you only die twice. [Andrew walks over to the chest and slams it shut. Blackout] The End.