Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2000 01:38:06 GMT
From: Wayne Patrick <wppsd@hotmail.com>
Subject: gay/beginning/searching for a son 3

Look in chapter one for disclaimers.  You know who you are.


"Why don't we go outside and enjoy the sunset?" Stephen suggested.

Joey nodded his head.  He would do anything for Stephen.  They walked out
the room and across the sidewalk to the beach.  A beach towel was spread on
the sand.  Stephen sat upright and motioned Joey to come sit beside him.
Joey sat in front of Stephen, resting his back on Stephen's shins.  Stephen
ran his hand through Joey's hair, stroking him gently, lovingly.  The hair
that had first gotten his attention was now in his fingers.  Stephen wanted
more than this.  He spread his knees and began pulling Joey back into his
chest.  Joey readily complied with the unspoken request, pushing himself
back against Stephen.  Joey leaned back, Stephen leaned forward and wrapped
his arms around the boy.  Each thought to themselves that it would take an
army to separate them now.

Joey turned his head up and back, to the man who had finally given him the
love he wanted.  He kissed the cheek of the man who held him.  Stephen was
startled by the gratitude shown him.  But it also created a reaction for
each of them that neither of them expected.

*****

Chapter 7

For Stephen, the agonizing uncertainty of his teenage years reared its ugly
head.  Here he thought that he had found the son he had lost two long years
ago.  Now, he wondered if this boy was an emotional replacement for Scott,
or was he something more.  He was a very handsome young man.  Stephen sensed
that Joey pushed all the right buttons for him sexually.   And right now the
buttons being pushed were the ones on his shorts.

Joey had the same problem.  But for Joey this was very confusing.  When his
father had died, the family had shut down emotionally.  There were not many
physical expressions of love shared among him, his mother, and his sister.
And when Joey began to take an interest in other people, no one was there to
help him think out his feelings.  He pretty much had to figure things out
for himself.  This left him pretty naive.  And at this moment, it left him
very confused.

Stephen was getting more embarrassed by the minute.  He was sure that Joey
had to know what was going on in Stephen's mind.  He knew that Joey had to
feel what was stabbing him in the lower back.  This scared him.  He knew
nothing of the sexual Joey.  He didn't know if Joey was gay, and even if he
was, he had never shown any indications that he was interested in Stephen.
This left him with a major dilemma.  He knew that he didn't was to lose
Joey.  He would have been very happy if they had no more than a "father-son"
relationship, and he didn't want to risk that for the sake of sex.  So he
had to find a way to back out of this situation until he could get control
of himself.  He tried to casually stand up, brushing the sand off his rear.

"Listen, I just realized that I forgot to bring some things.  I hope you
don't mind, I need to run and get them.  Maybe we could hook up tomorrow
like we planned."  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Stephen
sensed how weak it sounded.  This was as bad as any blow off line he had
heard from his friends in high school.  The only thing he left out was that
he was busy, washing his hair.

Joey was devastated.  Here he was presented with the first opportunity to
find a replacement for his father, and he had lost it before it even had a
chance to begin.  All because of a simple little kiss.  Joey angrily cursed
himself out, knowing that he had screwed up what might be the only chance
for the relationship he so dearly desired.  The reality that it was over
struck him quickly, and he silently began to cry.

Between his tears and sniffles, Joey whispered, "You go ... do ... what
you... have to do."

Stephen felt like scum.  The last thing in this world that he wanted to do
was hurt Joey.  And that is exactly what he had just done.  Here was a boy
that he was convinced he loved, that moments earlier he thought that he
would die for, and all because he let his little head do the thinking, he
had wounded deeply.  How could he repair the damage he had caused?

Stephen pulled Joey up and wrapped his arms around him.   He enveloped the
boy in his arms, letting Joey's tears stain his shirt.  He didn't even care
if Joey could feel his now-subsiding, but still significant hard on.  If
Joey was repulsed, let him be the one to reject Stephen.  It would teach
Stephen the lesson he needed, to remember that he should never try to
replace his lost loves.  Stephen stared out into the ocean, hoping the waves
would give him the answers he needed.  He got no help from the waters.  He
sighed and stroked Joey back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.  Can we just go back to the room?"

It had only been a matter of minutes since they had walked out the door
before they were turning to walk back in.  Stephen wrapped his arm tightly
around Joey, supporting him, afraid that the hurt to Joey's heart had left
him too weak to walk, but even more afraid that Joey would try to run away
from Stephen, leaving him forever alone.

As they walked, Joey whispered, "Please don't send me away.  I need to be
with you."

As they reached the door, Stephen opened it, letting Joey enter the room
first.  He guided Joey to the bed, laying him down on his stomach.  Joey
stayed rigid, his feet hanging off the side of the bed.  Stephen carefully
pulled Joey's tennis shoes off and moved his legs onto the bed.  Joey
offered no resistant to anything Stephen did.

Stephen then walked across the room to the window, pulling the curtains
tight, almost blacking out the room.  He walked back to the bed, stepping
out of his shoes.  He swiped his suitcase onto the floor next to the bed and
laid down beside Joey.

Stephen took a deep breath.  There are times in your life when you know
right from wrong.  Stephen knew this was one of those moments.  The right
thing was to tell Joey everything.  Everything that he had carefully hidden
from everyone his entire life.  Those things that he made sure no one saw,
especially since the death of his wife and child.

"Joey, baby, listen to me. I have to tell the truth.    When I first saw you
in the store, I saw Scott, or what I thought Scott would look like if he had
grown up to be a man.  I was drawn to you because of that.  I wanted to know
more about you, hoping that you would like me.  But there's more.  I am
attracted to you for more than that.  I think I love you.  I think that I
want to spend the rest of my life with you.  There, I said it.  I don't know
what you think, but if you are disgusted by what I just said, I wouldn't
blame you if you got up and walked out of here."

Stephen waited for a response from Joey.  He got nothing.  There was no
movement, no change in his breathing.  Because of the darkness in the room,
he could not see those beautiful green eyes to see if there was love or
hatred.  And the longer there was silence, the more Stephen interpreted it
as anger building up in Joey.  It occurred to him that maybe he needed to
think of an escape in case Joey would planning to beat the crap out of him.
Finally, he got his answer.  Snickering.  Joey began softly laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Here I was thinking that I was in love with you and that you were grossed
out by it.  And now you tell me you love me?"  The laughter became louder.

"And you think that's funny?  I'm pouring my heart out to you and you think
it's funny.  I'll give you something to laugh about."

And with that, Stephen started attacking Joey with tickling.  He tortured
his sides, his armpits, his neck, any part of Joey that he had left
unprotected.

The tickling went on until Joey finally begged. "Please stop it.  If you
don't. I'm afraid I'll piss in my pants."

"Maybe you deserve that for laughing at me."  Now, Stephen was laughing too.
  He laid down, his head only inches from Joey's.

Joey realized that this was what he had wanted so badly as a child.  Here
was a man who was roughhousing with his son, at least that was the image in
Joey's mind.  All of the innocent touching, sharing, and playing that he
never felt, he was getting from this wonderful man.  He thought, "This is
what all those guys had.  And now I've got someone to do this with too."

But Joey felt more.  He remembered the surge he felt when Stephen had
touched him.  And he had just told him that he wanted Joey.  So Joey did
what felt right.  He rolled towards Stephen, and for the first time in his
life he passionately kissed a man.  In the same way that Stephen had let the
touch linger for a second longer, Joey made sure that this kiss lasted long
enough to tell Stephen that this was something that he wanted.

Stephen also wanted the kiss to last longer.  But he was the "dad" in the
family.  And he knew that to rush things would be a mistake.

"Joey, I would love to take you in my arms and hold you forever.  But I have
been here before.  I was pretty inexperienced when I met Susan.  But I'm not
now.  There are many times when we have to guess our way through life.  And
this is one of those times that you can't guess.  You have to be sure.  I
think we have to slow down.  If you are my true love, I know that you will
be my love tonight, tomorrow, and forever.  I am willing to wait just a
little to be sure.  Please, let's just get up right now and go get something
to eat.  Then we can come back here and see what happens.  Remember, I will
always love you and want you in my life forever."

Chapter 8

Stephen's words touched Joey deeply.  He felt the sincerity.  If Stephen was
going to be his "dad", then Joey had to respect him for that.  If Stephen
said it, there would be no argument from Joey.  And for that reason, they
kissed once more.  Joey asked, "What do you want to eat?", as they put their
shoes back on and headed out the room.  Joey knew every greasy spoon in
town.  Anything Stephen wanted, Joey knew where to find it.

"To be honest, I'm not that hungry.  Let's just get some burgers and fries.
I want to eat as quickly as we can and then get back here.  I don't want to
share you with anyone.  I want to know everything there is to know about you
before the sun rises tomorrow."

They went to a nearby restaurant.  They talked like old friends.  The talked
of where they had been and where they were going.  Stephen told Joey as much
as he dared about Susan and Scott, not wanting to cry in public.  He talked
about his marriage and told the story of the night of the accident.  Joey
learned about love that night, understanding the sacrifices one must make to
receive the reward of the highest order.  Stephen talked of his job and how
he had come to plan this getaway.  Joey for his part listened, getting very
animated when he asked questions, his quick wit coming through when he
spoke.  But Stephen noticed that when he would ask Joey about his family, he
became very tight lipped and solemn.  Something was wrong.  He knew he would
have to find out more when they got back to the motel.  They finished their
dinner, paid the bill, and started walking back to the room.  Stephen seized
the opportunity to approach Joey about his family indirectly.

"Won't your mom be worried about you not checking in?"

"My mom wouldn't care if I called her and told her I was going to the moon.
She want to know who was driving and whether I had my toothbrush."

"Come on," said Stephen.  "Don't expect me to believe that you're mom is
that cold."

"Aw, she's not really that cold.  I know she loves me, she just doesn't show
it."

"I really wish you would call her anyway.  I used to be a dad, and I know
that every parent worries about their son showing up dead on the eleven
o'clock news."

"Alright, already, I'll call, Dad," Joey threw his hands up, exasperated,
wanting the sermon to end.  "You know, `Dad' sounds pretty good."

"Sounds good to me too.  Now call."  He handed him the change.

Joey called.  He told his mom that he had run into a friend and that he
planned on spending the night with him.  His mom trusted the sound of his
voice and the answers to the interrogation, giving her blessing.  She told
him that she would see him after work tomorrow.  Joey shivered as he
pictured the scene of telling his mom that he had quit his job.

"So it's okay.  Mom is happy.  I'm safe.  You offered to go back to your
room before.  I'm holding you to that."

They returned to the motel.  As soon as the door to the room was locked.
Joey leaped into Stephen's arms, knocking them both onto the bed.  They
wrapped their arms around each other, sharing a warm, wet kiss.  Stephen
looked up at the young man sitting on him and studied his eyes.  He couldn't
get enough of them.  He was amazed at how close in color they matched
Scott's, even to the pencil-thin flecks of brown that were scattered in
them.  And yet he knew there was more behind those eyes.  And he wanted to
know it all.

"Listen, I need to know.  You didn't really talk about your home life in the
restaurant.  I know you mentioned a step-father before.  You act like he
didn't exist.  Didn't he help raise you?  Stephen was going to find out as
much as he could before taking the next step.

Joey's face saddened.  He could see that Stephen would press for answers and
Joey just could not lie to this man.  He rolled off Stephen, onto his side,
propping himself with his arm, and staring at Stephen's face, started to
slowly tell Stephen what he wanted to know.

"When my dad died, my mom was concerned with just surviving.  She wasn't
well educated and we lived paycheck to paycheck for a while.  I found out
not too long ago that her family and friends had pushed her into getting
married again and finding a father of me and my sister.  One of her friends
introduced her to my step father.  He had lost his wife in an automobile
accident a couple years earlier.  Neither of them got married for the right
reasons.  It wasn't for love, but for convenience.  The problem was that he
already had two boys of his own.  He didn't need another son.  I was just
excess baggage.  He and I were as different as day and night.  I didn't get
along with him or my step brothers.  We went our separate ways, and he gave
us what my mother wanted - some financial security.  My mom told me a couple
of years ago that she realized six months into it that the marriage was a
mistake.  But she convinced herself that even this marriage would be better
that having no husband at all.  And so she stayed married and I just stayed
out of his way."

Now the pieces of Joey's life made sense to Stephen.  Here was a boy who
lost his father before he really knew him, was rejected by men throughout
his life and was desperate to find someone to love.  Desperate enough to do
anything a man said, just to get attention.  Stephen hurt when he thought
about the danger to this sweet, naive boy, and he vowed to himself that he
would not take advantage of this, that he already loved Joey too much.  But
Stephen needed Joey to see that he loved him as a friend first, before the
possibility of being his lover cover ever be brought up.

They continued to talk long into the night.  Stephen asked about every
aspect of Joey's life from school to friends.  Joey could not resist this
man, always telling everything that he could, even some of his most
embarrassing stories.  The boy that was known for not saying a word talked
on and on.  And Stephen listed.  He cared.  Joey could see that this was a
person he could live with and love for the rest of his life.  Finally, the
two laid down together, Joey resting his head on Stephen's shoulder.  Within
minutes, Stephen could hear the quiet breathing of the boy asleep against
him.  He pulled the covers up over both of them and settled down for the
night, holding the dream that he never believed would come true.  Maybe the
search for the answers in his life lay in his arms.  He kissed his boy good
night, and soon joined him in dreams.

Chapter 9

When morning came, Stephen and Joey woke up at almost the same time.  The
stirring of one woke the other up.  Of course, that's going to happen when
two people wake up spooning.  Stephen towered over Joey in the bed,
protective of his new charge.  Stephen had dreamed all night that he had
shielded Joey from all harm, real or imaginary, physical or emotional.  His
arm was wrapped over Joey with his hand on his stomach.  Of course, his dick
was also pressed up, full and firm, tight against Joey's crack.  This time,
Stephen was not worried about whether Joey felt it, and Joey let Stephen
know that it was alright by pushing back, letting Stephen envelop him in a
blanket of love.

They had been so busy talking the night before that neither one had bothered
to get out of their shorts or their shirts, but the thin material of the
summer clothing gave them the feeling that they might as well have been
naked.  Stephen kissed Joey on the back of the neck, with a "good morning,
handsome" as a bonus.  Neither made an effort to get up.  Joey reached for
the hand on his stomach, interlocking their fingers together, and bringing
their joined hands up to his heart, then to his mouth.  He kissed and
nibbled on the fingers.  He was perfectly content to stay that way.  They
laid in bed for a while before reality set in.

Stephen was the one to break the silence.  "I'm sorry, bud, but if I don't
get up soon, we'll be able to float this mattress right out to the ocean.
Please, don't move, remember that position, and we'll continue as soon as I
get back."

As Stephen walked out the bathroom door, he passed Joey going in.  "Won't be
long.  Hope you miss me."

Stephen teased back, "I hope it is long.  And I'll always miss you whenever
you're not with me.  Please, never be far from me."

"Is that an offer?"  Joey laughed from the bathroom over the sound of the
splashing in the john as he pissed away his morning wood.

"Yes, it is.  I know you don't nave a job now, and I know your dream of
going to college.  If you're willing to try, I'm willing to support your
efforts to continue your schooling."

"Do you mean it?  Don't tease.  School is my only way out of this hell hole.
  Don't screw with my dreams.  That's all I have."  Joey poked his head out
of the bathroom, a sense of worry on his face.  Stephen noted to himself not
to go there again.

"Yes, Joey, I'm serious.  You take care of me and I'll take care of you,
deal?"

"Deal!"  Joey flew across the bed, sliding into Stephen's arms, his lips
once again finding their now familiar way to Stephen's mouth.  "How can I
thank you?  Can I start taking care of you now?"

"Gee, what could you mean?  No, but I'll take a rain check.  Let's get
showers and then some breakfast.  We'll pass by the store and get your
paycheck.  Then we'll have the afternoon to plan what to do next."

Stephen picked up his suitcase from the floor where he had tossed it last
night.  He rummaged for a clean pair of underwear, shorts, and a new shirt.
He shut the case and laid his wardrobe for the day on top of the box.   He
grabbed his kit and went into the bathroom for the second time.  Joey
watched and thought about the man he loved, sight unseen - until now.

Stephen opened the shower value and waited for the cold water to clear out
of the plumbing and the hot water to begin steaming up the bathroom.  He
piled his dirty clothes in the corner behind the door and stepped into the
shower.  He stood under the nozzle and just let the hot water soak him.  He
smiled, content in his decision to take a chance with Joey.  He lovingly
remembered Susan and Scott, thinking, "I'll never replace you two, but I
have to go on.  I'll never be lonely again.  Thank you for sending him to
me."

At that moment, the curtain of the shower rattled, and Joey stepped in.  It
was the first time that Stephen had seen Joey when he wasn't fully dressed
and here he was presenting himself all at once.  Stephen let Joey step
around him to get himself wet.  He watched the face that he was first drawn
to and then he watched as the water ran down Joey's body, studying his back,
his legs, and then as Joey turned around, his chest, his stomach and finally
trailing down to stop at the manhood that hung before him.  Stephen took his
time, studying his new love.  When Joey opened his eyes, he caught Stephen
looking at him.  Stephen was grinning like that cat that had just caught the
canary.

"What?"  Joey looked down at himself, wondering what it was that Stephen
saw.  He became self conscious and turned away, covering himself.

Stephen turned Joey back around.  "It's just looks like we were issued the
same equipment.  From the neck down, you could pass for my twin when I was
your age.  Now that I can look at your body, it almost seems like I'm
looking at myself.  What do you think?"  Stephen struck an outrageous pose,
his arms spread wide, hiding nothing from the boy, letting him examine what
he had to offer.

"You know, I think I agree with you.  I've never taken pictures of myself,
but it does look like I'm looking in the mirror.  I definitely want to study
this some more."  Stephen playfully slapped Joey's hand away from his
member.

They finished their showers without conversation, but their eyes stayed
fixed on each other.  They stepped out into the room, each taking a towel
and drying themselves before Joey reached out with his towel to dry
Stephen's back.

"Here, you missed a spot."  He wiped, Stephen, then let the towel slip until
his hand was flesh to flesh with Stephen's body.  He began moving his
fingers all over the man standing before him, exploring, feeling, trying to
not just touch the skin, but trying to reach inside and touch his heart.
They kissed, but as Joey began running his hand down Stephen's body, Stephen
felt the mood getting too serious and broke it, pushing Joey onto the bed.
"Come on, I'm starving."

They finished dressing, and walked out of the motel room, around the corner
and into the parking lot where Stephen had left his car the night before.
They got in and drove down the highway to a breakfast restaurant Joey had
suggested at dinner.  They parked and walked in.  They put their name on the
list for a table, but as they turned to sit and continue their conversation,
Joey turned into the one person he really didn't want to see at this moment.

"Mom! Hi."