Date: Sat, 31 Jan 2004 17:41:16 -0600
From: PNS KID <pnskid61@cox.net>
Subject: Sojourn 48

Having Ethan's family visiting, and it being Christmas, had Rick thinking
about his own family.  The loss of his parents was something that still
hurt.  He wished his parents could have met Adam and Ethan.  He was sure
they would have loved them both.  On Christmas Eve he decided to go the
cemetery to place a wreath on their grave.  He hugged Ethan and left him to
the huge meal that he was preparing.  Ethan was a man with a mission in the
kitchen and it was best to stay clear.  So seeing that Adam was in good
hands with Mark and Alice he left for the drive over to Destin.

After a brief stop at Winn-Dixie to pick up a wreath, Rick found himself at
the cemetery.  He had not been back since the funeral.  He thought that he
should feel guilty about it but he didn't.  He never understood people that
would go and stand at the grave talking to their loved ones as if they were
still living.  He didn't understand it until today.  He needed to be with
his parents and surprisingly he felt a presence as he stood at their grave.

The cemetery had markers in the ground as opposed to tombstones.  He gently
picked away some of the grass that was creeping onto the edges of the
marker and placed the wreath on top of it.  He stood for a moment as tears
formed in his eyes.  While not speaking out loud he was clear in his
thoughts.

"Mom, Dad, it has been a year now since you died.  I have missed you so
much.  It has been an interesting year to say the least.  I have two new
guys in my life.  You have a grandson, Adam.  He is 4 now.  Mandi was his
mom but she died and Adam came to be with me.  He is such a wonderful boy.
The little guy is so full of love and laughter and more energy than I
thought was possible in one human being.  He didn't have a good start in
life but I am determined he will never have to go through any of that
again.  I would give my own life to protect him.  I had heard parents say
that and now I understand.

And there is Ethan.  He is everything I ever hoped for in a partner.  He is
kind, generous, intelligent, funny, and I love him totally.  He has a
wonderful family and they treat me as their own son.  Ethan has some great
friends including a lady named Sarah.  They really broke the mold when they
made her.  She simply loves Ethan and Adam and if anything were to happen
to us I know she would be sure Adam was taken care of - without hesitation.
Ethan is also very wealthy but you know it really isn't about that.  I just
gave him a crappy old car and you should see him.  Like a boy with a new
toy.  We have had challenges including some brushes with death but we made
it through and we will make it through anything else that comes our way.
Mom, Dad, the three of us are very happy.  I just wish you could be here
with us to share in our happiness.  I love you both and miss you."

Rick then began thinking about how much his parents would have loved being
grandparents and how spoiled Adam would be.  They had been great parents
for him and had taught him so much.  The fact that they would never get to
meet Adam and watch him grow into a man, and that Adam would never get to
meet his grandparents, simply broke Rick's heart.  Grandparents are special
people with a patience and wisdom that help shape children in unique ways.
The tears were now falling from Rick's eyes and turning cold on his cheeks
as the cool December breeze blew.  It was late afternoon now and it had
been a cloudy, dreary day.  But suddenly the sun peeked through the clouds
making one last attempt to brighten the day before moving West.  When the
warmth of the sun hit Rick it was if he had an epiphany.

After adjusting the wreath one more time, he went back to his BMW and
headed towards the bowling alley.  Ruth had been awful.  She had hurt Adam,
and she had tried to take Adam away from them or at least tried to get some
money out of the deal.  She had said horrible things that nobody should
ever say to another person.  But all of that didn't match with what Ethan
had reported after his visit with her.  He decided to go and see for
himself.  One set of Adam's grandparents would never get to meet him.  If
she was willing to start new, and it seemed sincere, Rick was willing to
try.

The sign in front of the bowling alley announced the hours for Christmas
Eve and showed a closing time of 4pm.  It was 3:45pm as Rick entered the
building and approached the main desk.

"Sorry, we aren't starting any new games now since we are closing soon.  We
will be open the day after Christmas so please come back then.  Have a
Merry Christmas."

The sounds came from under the desk but he couldn't see a person.  He
looked over the counter to see Ruth bent down adjusting the racks of
bowling shoes.  She could see through the shoes that someone was standing
at the counter but didn't know it was Rick.

"I'm not here to play, I am here to see you," Rick said to the invisible
Ruth.

Ruth shivered as her mind clicked in and recognized the voice.  This was
the last thing she needed today.  She didn't want a confrontation.  She was
already feeling blue enough.  She had lost her daughter in the past year,
her marriage was over, and she was living with her sister in a spare room.
Her Christmas Eve feast would be a 2 piece chicken dinner from
Popeye's. But that was OK, because it is what she felt she deserved.  She
had been a miserable bitch to anyone and everyone for most of her life.  It
wasn't until the last month that she decided that she wasn't going to be
like that anymore. She wasn't going to be a victim and she was going to
take charge.  She wanted to have a drama free life.  She wanted to be
happy.  She wanted to love and be loved.  She wanted a second chance to be
a better mother to her daughter.  She wanted to somehow undo the way she
had treated Adam.  He was a little boy for God's sake.  He just wanted to
play and to be loved.  She hated herself.  Being miserable was hard work
and Ruth was working overtime at it. Her self-pity party was going full
steam ahead.

"Oh sorry Rick, I didn't know it was you.  You are just about the last
person I expected to see.  What can I do for you?"

"I came over to visit my parent's grave and thought I'd come by and check
out the changes to the bowling alley while I was over here," Rick said
figuring he should play it this way.

Ruth explained what the major changes were and how much business had
improved.  "Listen Rick, I need to close-up so I hope you wont mind," Ruth
said as she began to turn out the lights on the lanes.

"Ruth, I was wondering if we could talk for a few minutes," Rick said
suddenly feeling unsure.

"Well, I guess so.  But I really don't want to get into a shouting match or
anything like that.  I was horrible and a bitch and I know it.  I really
don't need to be reminded of it on Christmas Eve."

Of course Ruth had been reminded of it on Christmas Eve.  It was all she
had thought about all day.

"I won't shout if you won't," Rick said with a light chuckle.

"OK then, how about you go down to the snack bar while I finish up here and
lock the doors.  We can have some coffee and some Krispy Kreme donuts.  How
does that sound?"

Rick responded that it sounded great and made his way down to the snack
bar. Ruth joined him about 10 minutes later, poured two cups of coffee
before turning off the machine and brought over the Krispy Kremes.

A nervous silence enveloped them as they added sugar and cream to their
coffees.  Rick was first to speak.

"Ethan tells me that your business is doing well and that you have been
making extra donations to the charities.  I think that is great.  I am sure
your money is helping a lot of people."

"I hope so Rick.  Listen, I said some horrible things about gay people to
you.  I think I even managed to condemn you to hell or something asinine
like that.  I just want you to know, I am sorry.  You know around here
people are just so damn stupid and they feel threatened by anyone that is
different from them."

"That is true, but hopefully times are changing.  There are radical people
on both sides but I think that all in all everybody just wants to go on
with their lives in private," Rick countered.

With that Ruth opened up and filled Rick on the changes in her life with
Buddy and how she had come to realize many things about herself.  She told
about going to see a doctor and that she had gotten some pills which really
seemed to help her think better.  Her doctor had said something about a
chemical imbalance which Ruth said she didn't know much about.  She
explained to Rick that the doctor says that some of her behavior was beyond
her control and that the medicine would help her get that control back.
She said that she did feel better and that it was like a fog had lifted.
She said that she always jumped to the negative and got angry before.  Now
she tries to listen and she has realized that not everybody is out to screw
her.  That not everything is black and white, good and evil.

"What I did to Mandi and Adam is something I will have to live with the
rest of my life.  I was so horrible. Now my daughter is dead and I have a
grandson that is scared of me and I can't see by court order.  What a
fucked up mess," Ruth said while playing with her donut.  "I am sure you
didn't come here to listen to me go on about what a bitch I was, you know
that first hand.  Don't you need to be back with Ethan and Adam for
Christmas Eve," Ruth asked through a quivering voice.

"Yes, I do need to be heading back soon.  What are you doing for the
holidays?  I understand you're at your sister's now.  Do y'all have big
plans," Rick asked trying to lighten the mood.

Ruth explained that her sister had gone off with some new boyfriend to New
Orleans for the holiday.  She laughed as she described her plans for a 2
piece, all white, spicy chicken dinner with dirty rice and coleslaw.

"I have always loved Popeye's chicken.  But those biscuits, now those are
to die for," Rick added with a laugh.

"Yep, made with lard and then smothered in butter just to further clog ya
up.  That is good eat'n," Ruth added with a laugh.  But Rick could see the
sadness behind the laugh.

"Well Ruth, I should head back.  Thanks for talking with me.  I am glad we
had a chance to do this," Rick said as he stood.

"Me too Rick. Me too.  Rick, please hug that little guy.  I never did and I
should have done it every day.  Promise me you will do that, please."

"I will Ruth.  He is my gift from God.  I love him with my life and Ethan
loves him too.  He is happy and safe now."

"Good, I am glad.  I really am.  Now, you don't be a stranger ya here.  I
can get you a nice discount if you ever want to bowl a few games.  I happen
to know the right people around here."

Rick chuckled and said he may just do that.  They looked at each other and
then Rick turned to leave.

"Oh, and Rick.  Merry Christmas to you, Ethan, and Adam."

"Merry Christmas to you too Ruth."

Rick turned and headed towards the door.  He noticed the keys were in the
lock and he turned them to unlock the door.  He stopped and turned around
and went back to the snack bar.  He found Ruth wiping down the counters
with tears falling down her cheeks.  When she saw him she quickly wiped
them away.

"Did you forget something," Ruth asked.

"Well, not exactly.  Listen, I know you have your heart set on some
Popeye's, but I'd like you to come and join us for Christmas Eve dinner.
Ethan has been cooking up a storm.  We have a house full of people and it
will be a nice night.  You can follow me over.  I can guarantee you will
have a great meal."

"Rick, I'd love too.  But you seem to forget.  I can't be near Adam.  There
is a restraining order in place.  Besides, I don't want to ruin that little
guy's Christmas.  I am sure he has some really bad memories of me."

"Ruth, I will say this once and then drop it.  I will never, and I mean
never, let anyone hurt Adam.  He had a bad start to life and it won't ever
happen again.  I will stop at nothing, and I mean nothing to protect him.
I know Ethan feels the same way.  I won't let you hurt him again and if I
see anything like that happening you can be sure it will stop.  As far as
Adam goes, he does have some bad memories.  He is only 4 and doesn't
understand a lot of things.  That said, he is a bright boy with an amazing
intellect.  God only knows where he gets that from.  But Ruth, you are his
grandmother.  He will never get to know my parents.  I realized what a loss
it is for him to not know his grandparents.  Ethan's parents are his
grandparents in his eyes but they aren't related by blood.  Ruth, I have to
give this a chance.  I am doing this for him not for you.  I am sorry if
this has sounded cold but I want you to know how it is."

"Rick, I wouldn't expect anything less.  You are being very fair.  But we
still have the court order issue."

"It just so happens that Dan, the judge that heard our case, will be at
dinner with us this evening.  I am not going to call the police and I am
sure he won't either if I tell him not to.  So get your coat and lets go,
dinner is waiting."


You could hear a pin drop as everyone turned to see Rick and Ruth entering
the condo.  Only Ethan, Sean, and Dan knew who she was.  And, of course,
Adam. He knew all too well who she was.  He had been near Ethan when the
door opened.  When he saw Ruth he moved close to Ethan grabbing hold of
Ethan's legs.  Ethan was worried Adam would cut off all the circulation if
he held any tighter.  This wasn't shyness, it was terror.

It was Alice that broke the awkward silence.

"We were just about to eat without you Rick.  Hi, I am Alice Dial, Ethan's
mother," Alice said as she outstretched her hand to a visibly shaken Ruth.

"Hi, I am Ruth.  I am Adam's grandmother."

"Bloody hell Rick, have you lost your mind?"  This from Sarah.  She glared
at Ruth as she uttered the words.  "This is a time for friends and family
and she is neither of those in my book."

Ethan looked over at Sarah and managed to get her eye.  He gave the look
that she had grown to understand over the years. It said, not now.

Ethan could feel Adam starting to tremble.  He picked up Adam into his arms
and gave him a big hug.  "Mom, how about you take Squirt here and get him
cleaned up for dinner," Ethan asked and Alice quickly made her way over as
Ethan put Adam down.  The two went off down the hall with Adam practically
attached to Alice.  Ruth's heart broke again.  If ending her life now meant
that he would never be scared again she would do it.

"Hi Ruth.  This is a surprise," Ethan said giving Rick a look when he said
it. "Come on in, Sean would you get Ruth something to drink and maybe show
her around a little?  Rick and I need to have a quick chat."

Rick and Ethan went back to their bedroom as Ruth and Sean went out on the
balcony.

"Rick, honey, I hate to say this but, Sarah was right.  Bloody hell."

Rick went on to explain his afternoon at the gravesite and then his
conversation with Ruth.  He explained what he had told Ruth - that he would
never let her hurt Adam again.  But he went on to explain that he felt like
he had to give her a chance.

"Hun, that is very admirable.  I could go on about karma and about how what
you are trying to do is a good thing, but hun, you didn't feel Adam's grip.
The boy is terrified."

Rick then went to the bathroom to find Alice drying Adam's hands.  "Can I
borrow this little guy for a few minutes Miss Alice?  Ethan and I need to
chat with him," Rick said to Alice.

He picked up Adam and held him tight.  Adam was trembling and the crying
began.  "Daddy, what is she doing here?  Are you sending me back?  Please,
don't.  I will be good.  I am sorry if you are mad at me.  Please, daddy.
I am sorry."  Adam was now crying uncontrollably.

"I am not sending you back.  I love you Adam.  And she isn't going to be
mean to you or hurt you.  I won't allow it and neither will your other Dad.
But, do you know what I mean about giving somebody a second chance?"

Adam nodded a slight yes but was still crying. "Daddy she was so mean to
me.  I am scared."

"I know she was mean to you but it won't happen again.  You know when Ethan
or I have to scold you?  You know how bad you feel?  You feel that way
because you think you have disappointed us don't you?"  Again a slight nod.
"You learn that if you do bad things that we may be upset with you for a
bit but that we still love you, right?"  A nod.  "So you try hard not to do
those things again because you want to be a good boy and you don't want us
to be upset with you, right?"  This time Adam managed to say yes.  "Well
your granny was a bad girl.  She knows she was bad.  She has been punished.
And now it is time for us to give her a chance.  You wouldn't like it if
Ethan and I stayed mad at your for a really really long time would you?"

"No daddy, I don't like it when you or Dad are mad at me," Adam said now
getting a little calmer.

"OK then.  So how about we give your granny another chance.  I don't expect
you to go out and be with her like you are with Miss Alice or Miss Sarah
but how about we give her a chance.  And I want you to always know that Dad
and I will not let anything bad happen.  That we promise to you.  You are
our special guy and we love you very much.  More than anything or anybody
in this whole wide world."

"I will try Daddy.  Can I sit between you and Dad for dinner?  It would
make me feel better."

"Sure you can."  This got a half smile from Adam.  Rick put him down and
Ethan went over, got down on his knee and looked Adam in the eye.

"I love you and you are a smart and brave guy.  You make me very proud,"
Ethan said to Adam before embracing him a big hug.  Well if Ethan thought
he was smart and brave then he would be.  He stuck his chest out and said
to his two Dads, "OK, I am hungry. I want to eat!"

"Rick, why don't you get Adam cleaned up and head on out.  There is someone
I need to chat with for a second."  Rick left with Adam as Ethan headed out
into the living room.

"Sarah, can you come back here for a sec," Ethan stated in the form of a
question but it was clear it was an order.

"You bet your sweet arse I am going back there with you, this is a load of
shite," Sarah said to Ethan as she passed him going down the hall.

The exchange was heated and loud.  This was often how they handled one
another when they didn't agree.  Ethan rarely yelled but times like these
with Sarah always led to yelling.  It was probably because they were like
siblings.  Sarah lectured Ethan about what a bitch Ruth was and how
terrified Adam was.  How she saw the emotional scars that the bitch had
left on him back when he spilled his drink on the 4th of July.  Ethan tried
to explain what Rick had told him and to extol the virtues of second
chances.

"You can take that Buddhist bullshit of yours and stick it up your arse
Ethan.  You are fucking around with a little boy here and karma doesn't
mean a thing to him.  This is a mistake." Sarah yelled.

"Sarah, at the end of the day, Adam is Rick's son.  We have to trust Rick
and know that he wouldn't do anything to harm Adam.  Sarah, this isn't open
for debate or discussion.  Please, don't make this meal anymore tense than
it need be," Ethan said calmly to Sarah.

Sarah stood for a moment, hand on hip, face red with anger.  "Fine," Sarah
finally said in barely a whisper.

"Sorry, what did you say," Ethan asked.

"I said kiss my arse, you heard me," Sarah said with a slight smile
forming.  "Ethan, I don't think this is a good idea and I believe I have
made my views known.  But in the spirit of Christmas I will behave.  But
let me promise you this, if that bitch so much as cuts her meat the wrong
way, she is all mine.  Got it? Me and her are going to take it outside."

Knowing that was about as close as he would ever get to an acquiescence, he
let it drop.

Everyone gathered around the table.  Adam was indeed sitting between Ethan
and Rick.  Ruth was at the other end of the table but on the same side as
Adam which meant he couldn't see her.  As everyone was seated, Ethan spoke.

"As you all know, I am not a Christian so this really isn't my holiday.
But I do realize it is a holiday for the rest of you and I want to take
this moment to say thank you for coming and sharing it with us. Merry
Christmas.  If someone would like to offer grace, please do."

Alice offered grace and soon everyone was piling their plates.
Conversation was a bit strained at first.  Sarah, Dan, and Jane were
chatting about what Christmas dinner was like in England and rued the lack
of brussel sprouts which are standard Christmas dinner fare.  Sean, Kevin,
Mark, and Brent were deep in conversation about the various projects that
would be starting to support the new cruise ship terminal and hotel.

Alice was trying to chat with Ruth.  Ruth was a nervous wreck but at the
same time she was glad to be there.  This was a first step.  She could tell
that this group was special.  The bonds of friendship and love were strong.
She wanted this for herself.  She would have to work very hard to earn
trust.  In the New Year it would be her main focus.  Things were going to
be better.

Ethan and Rick looked at each other and then looked at Adam who was making
great progress with his food - even though the mashed potatoes, aka
mashems, seemed to be more fun to play with than eat.  Looking into each
other's eyes, sharing their first Christmas together, they knew this was
right.  They had found each other, formed a new family, survived a hellish
year, and now were starting to build an exciting new life together.  The
next year was going to be fun.