Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2008 06:25:36 -0800 (PST) From: Randy Howard Subject: The Journal / Chapter 4 'A New Beginning' / Beginnings Adam's Rib By Randyhoward2@yahoo.com Chapter 4 'A New Beginning' >From Chapter 3 'The Letter' "I release you my love. I will always hold our love in my heart. I want you to take that love with you and wait for me. I don't know how long I have on this earth without you my love but know that one day I will come to you and we shall have eternity together babe." I said and fell upon his chest and cried. Uncle Steve helped up and walked me to the chair and I sat down and cried. Then he and Uncle Mike went over to their Adam and each kissed him goodbye. "Goodbye my son. Remember my love for you my son, and know that you have always made me so happy and proud to be your dad. I shall miss you so much my dearest Adam and shall always cherish the memories you have given me love. I love you son," my Uncle Michael said and leaned down and kissed him goodbye on his forehead. He came over to me and took me in his arms and said, "My Adam may be gone but he has given you to me for a son," he says and holds me to him and weeps. My Uncle Steve, is standing at Adam's side lightly brushing his hair to the side, leans down, and kisses his son on the lips ever so softly, and says, "So long my son and my joy. Having you in my life made me complete son. I thought that my love for your dad was all I ever needed to fill my life and heart until you entered my heart. Watching you grow was such a joy and experience I shall always treasure, my love. I know that someday we shall see each other again and then my joy shall be complete once again. As you leave us today, remember you take a greater part of my heart with you son. I have never once regretted being your dad, son. I love you and will never let your memory die in my heart. Goodbye, my son and say hello to my two best friends I ever had in life, Josh and Kyle. God bless you my boy, my Adam," and he leans and kisses him again and tears are falling from his eyes. It takes about another five minutes and the heart monitor starts to beep and flat line. 'Goodbye my love, my babe, my man.' I say to myself. 'Wait for me my Cowboy.' And I cry. The doctor comes in, checks his pulse, pronounces him dead, and places the sheet over his head. We talk to the doctor and tell him which funeral home we want for the funeral. I sign some forms and then we are ready to leave. As I go to leave Adam's room, I froze as I see a familiar face looking straight at me in the doorway. Chapter 4 'A New Beginning' I just stood there staring at David. He came over to me and offered his hand to me and said, "I know that you probably don't want to see me but I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your Adam. I know he meant the world to you and I want to apologize for the pain and suffering I have caused you. I also want to offer you any help you may need, Dylan." He said in a very sincere voice. "That was so kind of you but Adam is gone now and I just want to be alone with my memories. I have forgiven you David and hope that you have learned not to toy with people when they are so vulnerable," I said. "I need to go home and please remember what I said." We leave and my uncles both give a suspicious look at him. I feel so sorry for David because he substitutes sex for love. Whether he is able to love again, I do not know. I have had such a merry-go-round of emotions these last few weeks I am no judge of people's ability to love. I hope he is able to love again. The funeral was set for Thursday and I had a mountain of things that needed to be done. Jeanne was such a godsend and she took on the added responsibilities and never once complained. I had ordered the stone, a cowboy riding a bronco, and instructed them as to what I wanted on it. I knew it was a bit out of the ordinary, ok a lot out of the ordinary; but Adam was my cowboy, and those were the last words he ever spoke to me. 'You can make me your cowboy any time partner'. I knew it would raise a few eyebrows but he was my Adam and he was my cowboy. The day came and it was cold and rainy. It almost had a bite of ice to the rain. After all it was still late March, and March is one of those tricky months. Adam had requested that he be buried and not cremated. His funeral was quite large with many family and friends attending. It was a quick service and we were home by one. I had my uncles and a few close friends over. Jeanne had prepared a very nice luncheon and seemed to disappear shortly after setting it out. Brian had briefly stopped by to give me his condolences because I was so swarmed by people at the cemetery. I think he came also to pick up his mom. By five, I was alone. I had just said goodbye to my uncles and told them that I wanted to be alone. Before they left, Uncle Mike asks me. "You going to be alright there son," as he takes me into his arms. "Yeah dad, I'm fine, just mentally worn out," I tell him calling him dad now for the first time. "I hope you didn't mind me calling you dad Uncle Mike." I ask. "Not at all son. I told you at the hospital that Adam may be gone but he left me a son." He says kissing my forehead. "Now go and get some rest and no crying. We have all cried enough and Adam would kick our buts if he could." Uncle Steve stops and gives me a massive hug and soft kiss and says, "You know son your dads would have been so proud of you. They have my boy now and I have theirs." He says and his eyes are glossy. "I love you son and in time we expect you to move on like Adam said in his letter." "Oh I don't know if I have any love left now that he is gone," I say and get choked up. "In time you will see, a new love will come when you least expect it." Mike says. "Remember Adam told you to love again and enjoy life. You won't dishonor his love if you learn to love again son; you will be honoring his love." He says about to cry. "Now lets go Steven before I start to cry again," he says and kisses my goodbye. I sit in the living room and for once, I am alone. The sound of silence is deafening. I feel his presence in this place. I get to go into the kitchen and I feel his presence. I close my eyes and picture his face, as I stand frozen in time. I almost can feel his breath on my neck and his touch on my cheek. I am completely still with my eyes closed just feeling surrounded by his love. Then out of nowhere I here goodbye my bronco. I know its him because only he would call me that. I open my eyes to find him and his presence is gone. 'Come back my cowboy' I say to myself and my eyes are closed. Again, the touch soft and sure and I cry out. "I love you Adam and you will forever be my cowboy." I can feel his arms around me strong and secure as he holds me. 'I miss you so much love,' I say to myself. Then the whisper again in my ear, 'Honor our love babe, honor me, love again and let yourself be loved.' Then his presence is gone. Has I feel his arms let me go I fall to the floor and I am in darkness. "Dylan please wake up," I hear someone calling. "Shall I call for an ambulance?" I hear. "Where am I, what happened," I question and its Jeanne looking down into my face. "What time is it," I ask. "It's almost nine a.m.," she says helping me to sit up. "You must have fallen and knocked yourself out." She adds getting me up now and into a chair. I tell her about my experience last night and she looks at me and says with a smile. "I have read about that happening to other people. Its like the departed hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to someone they loved and came back ever so briefly to say goodbye." She tells me. We are talking when the phone rings she goes to answer it and asks me, "Are you in or out?" "Out to all but my uncles," I tell her. She answers the phone, it's my new dad, and she hands it to me. "Hey dad," I say almost chipper. "Well that's a surprise," he says almost in shock. "Here I thought I would have to give you a pep talk and ask you out for breakfast and you sound so chipper, what gives son." "Can we have that breakfast and I will tell you then." I ask him. "You want to go out or come over," he asks. "I will come over and dad, nothing fancy just coffee is fine." I tell him. "One day my son and already telling me how to do things, well I never," he says is his best-shocked voice. "Ok love come on over." I tell Jeanne that I am going to my dad's and I drive over. The first thing in his house he says, "Are we saving on laundry detergent or just to lazy to change?" "Dad lets get that coffee and sit down because what I have to say you will either commit me or we cry." I tell him and he looks at me strange. He pours me a coffee and makes a tea for himself and we go into the den and get comfortable. I then begin to tell him all about the experience I had the night before as his mouth just hangs open. "Dad it was so real that I could not only hear his whisper in my ear but I felt his breath on my neck," I tell him. "Just before he left he says to me to 'Honor our love babe, honor me, love again and let yourself be loved.' I tell him and his eyes are glossed over. "Then I felt his arms release me and I fell to the floor and then it was this morning and Jeanne was panicking over me. So what do you think," I ask him. "Wow, that caught me of guard," he says. "I have heard of these experiences but never knew anyone that had experienced one. How do you feel about it," he asks me. "It was so real and all my senses could feel his presence. Dad I know it was him and he needed to tell me that he wanted me to be happy and to find love again. He did what I had done for my dad Kyle; he let me go and told me that it was all right with him. He wants me to love and be loved again dad. I do not know if I can ever find a love like we had and he will have to send that special someone to me. I do not think I have it in me to look again. I never had to look because he was always in front of me growing up and I just knew that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I do not even know how to go about finding someone to love again. I am not into the bar scene and dating services are for those afraid to look. So as I said he will have to send that person to me." "Wow son, you have had some night kid." He tells me with his loving smile. "As far as we are concerned Dylan, we want the same thing for you. You will not offend us if you find that new person to love. If you love him, we will also. We had Adam for almost thirty years and he has given us a lifetime of love. Now what would you like for breakfast son?" "I am not really hungry," I tell him. "I feel.excited . or maybe cherished in the afterglow of all this. I feel the same way I felt after we made love and just held each other after basking in its aftermath." I say. "Does that seem strange to you?" "No son, but it might to some people though. All I know is that yesterday you were a basket case and today you seem happy if that is the word." He said. "I don't know that I am happy, because I still miss my Adam something fierce. But, I am . at peace is the word. I am at peace with the decision I made. His letter help me tremendously. I know that it had to just about kill him to write it though. I guess he knew me better than I knew myself. He knew that I would be hesitant to do what he had instructed in his living will. He knew me all to well and decided to write that letter just in case I was ever faced with that kind of decision. Peace, the word I would use to sum up how I feel this morning. We continued to talk for most of the morning. Uncle Steve came home and could not believe the story I told him about Adam. He did notice though my change in demeanor. He said that he had once read on-line about people who have lost love ones seeing or feeling their presence around them. We talked until nearly four in the afternoon before I left for home. When I got home, Jeanne met me at the door and said a gentleman named Brad had called several times and said he needed to talk to you. "Did he say why," I asked. "No, all he said was that he needed to talk to you personally. I told him that you had stepped out and I didn't know when you would be back." She said. "He said that he would try." she started to say and was interrupted by the phone. She answered it and she pointed to the phone to let me know that it was Brad calling. I told her that I would take it in another room. I went upstairs to my bedroom and picked up the phone. "Hello Brad," I said. "Finally I get you," he said. "What is going on there," he asks. "Why what is so urgent that you call four times today," I asked him. "Are you sitting down," he asks. "I am sitting on my bed, why?" "What I am about to tell you may freak you out," he says. "Last night I was sitting at my desk doing homework when I see this guy standing next to me. I jumped about out of my skin he scared me so bad. I asked him how he got into my room without me noticing or hearing him. He told me it didn't matter. I said it did and he just disappeared. Like that, he was gone in a flash. Well that freaked me out more. I got up and ran out of my room so fast that I ran right into him outside my door. He was just standing there, I just bumped into him, and I fell down landing on my ass. He picked me up and helped me back into my room. He said was that better than just coming in or did it matter. I was totally loosing it by now and asked him what he wanted. He told me that Dylan needed me and that he wanted me to look after you. I asked him who had sent him and he said no one he came on his own. I said why does Dylan need me, I asked him. He said that Adam had died and I was needed at home to be with you. Well Dyl, I just looked at him and asked how he knew Adam was dead. He just said he knew and told me to go home to you. Then I looked at him and ask him his name. He just stared at me, and said Adam, and vanished. Dyl I have been freaked out ever since man. What the fuck is happening back there," he asks. I told him about Adam and how he had died and about my experience last night. He told me that he would catch a plane and be home tomorrow. I told him that his schooling was more important than holding my hand through this. He would not listen and said he would call me when he knew his flight information. Before I could say anything else, he had hung up. He finally called back within twenty minutes and told Jeanne that his flight would be in tomorrow and eleven forty-five at gate thirty- one and hung up again. Jeanne relayed the information to me and left for the day. The traffic the next day was terrible. I was ten minutes late picking him up. He was standing with his luggage at the curb when I pulled up. I got out and he gave me a hug and put his luggage in the trunk. He then told me to take the passenger side and that he would drive. I just stood there, looked at him, and said. "When did you start giving me orders young man?" I said to him but loved the authority he showed. "Ever since Adam had told me to look after you." He said and got in the car. We drove home and he told me that he had never had such an eerie experience like that in his life. I asked him to describe Adam and he told me to the letter. Then he told me something that totally blew my mind because only Adam and I knew about it. "You know he told me to tell you that your 'Cowboy' sent me. I just started to cry and he reached over and rubbed my shoulder. He told me that he needed to be here and that his schoolwork was ahead. "I am here until you don't need me around." He said. He said that his professors had arranged for him to do his course studies on-line until he returned. "I have a return ticket for two weeks from now and can change it if need be." He told me. "I will stay as long as you need me." We got home and he brought his things up to his room. He came down and I introduced him to Jeanne. They hit it off immediately and he even showed her some shortcuts to use with her computer work. We sat and talked the three of us for the rest of the day. Jeanne got up around five-thirty and said that she had to go home because she had a date. "You are becoming quite serious you two, aren't you," I asked. "Yes, I guess we are," she replied. "We have some how just began where we left off in high school and gone on from there." She added. "I think if things continue like this we just might get to the marriage level." She said with a smile. "That is so great," I told her. "You deserve some happiness in your life again." "Well thank you Dylan," she said. "You do also and I see you have a nice young man here to fill that gap left by Adam." She said with a smile. "Woe there," Brad said looking at her. "I am not gay and I am just here to help out until Dyl here gets back on his feet," he says with that authoritive voice again. "Yes Jeanne, Brad is just my house guest until he finishes school," I tell her. "When his dad died he had no place to live so I offered my place until he graduated." I add. Brad had a look on his face that spoke volumes. He had made it clear again that he was straight and that he had no intentions of living in Toronto. Something was eating away at Brad and as before he left to go back to school last time, he still had not worked it out. We had a light dinner of red snapper in a lemon garlic sauce and a salad. I made a pot of coffee and we sat in the living room and talked. "Brad can I ask you a personal question please," I asked him. "Depends, you can ask but depending on the question I may not answer it," he says rather smugly. "Fair enough. I noticed that when you left for school last time something heavy was on your mind. I was just wondering if you had worked it out yet," I asked. "I also want to know if it was something I may have done that caused you grief." I said. He looked at me, and it seemed that anger had replaced his smile. "No I have not and it is really none of your business," he says rather rudely. "If and when I decide to speak about it I will let you know. So don't keep poking into my personal affairs, ok," he says. "I am going up to my room, good night." He got up and quickly left the room. I hadn't a chance to say a word. I felt very dejected with his attitude and felt that he owed me an apology for his rudeness. I cleaned up the cups, brought them out to the kitchen, and placed them in the sink. I closed up for the night and went up to bed. As I passed Brad's room, I could hear him and he sounded like he was crying. I thought to knock but thought better of it. I went in my room and closed the door. I took a quick shower and climbed into bed to read. I had been reading for an hour or so and then a knock on my door. "Come in." Brad opens the door and spoke from the doorway. "I want to apologize for my attitude and rudeness," he says. "I was wrong to treat you so badly when you have been nothing but kind to me. I have something that is seriously bothering me and until I work it out, . well until then I can't speak about it." He says. "I do apologize for my rudeness and hope you can forgive me, Dyl." "Apology accepted Brad," I tell him. "If at any time you wish to talk, I am a good listener." "If you don't really need me I think I will go back to school." He says. "I have a lot to deal with and I feel I can't do that here, Dyl." "That's fine Brad with me," I tell him. "I am alright and will be fine. I do have my days but I feel that they too are numbered. I just can't help feeling that I am responsible for some of what you are dealing with." "I'm fine Dyl and I will have this worked out by the end of semester," he says and goes back to his room. His eyes were so red and confirmed my thoughts that he had been crying. He left the next morning at eight. He had called a taxi and said that he rather it this way. I felt that I had lost a friend when he left. He was cold and impersonal. His shook my hand briefly and was gone. I busied myself with my writing and tried to keep my mind off Brad. I decided to flip through my dad's journal and look at some of his entries. As I did, I came across an entry dated, June 1993 We left today for the Vineyard. Steven and Michael came with us and of course Adam. Dylan seemed to light up when we told him that Adam was going to spend the summer with us. He face looked like it did on Christmas morning. Since the time we got onto the boat, he had not left Adam's side. Since becoming teenagers, they have been inseparable. Something had changed between them and Michael and I wondered. Well, we just wondered. Our boys were growing up and to fast at times. It was lunchtime, and Kyle had gone to look for the boys. He had searched for a half hour and could not find them. On his way, back he had noticed that the boathouse door was ajar. He slipped over the short fence and looked in the back window. There they were facing each other, pants around their ankles, and they were jerking off. Kyle watched for a few minutes and saw them both cum off. They finished and pulled up there pants and wiped their hands on a rag and left. Kyle waited for them to leave and then headed back to the house. He was rather quiet and said that he would talk to us after lunch. After lunch, he gathered the three of us with him, and told us of what he saw. We all laughed and decided that they were just being boys and that this was a part of growing up. As the summer progressed, the boys seemed to spend a great deal of time in that boathouse. We decided that if we kept them occupied they would have less time to experiment. August 1993 I was a hot humid day and the night was no different. Even the breeze that usually blew of the ocean was quiet. We let the boys sleep on the summer porch because they said it was cooler. They each took one of the daybeds and went to bed. We went to bed and around one I needed a drink because I was so hot I could not sleep. I went down to the kitchen and got a drink. On the way back, I decided to check the boys. My, what a surprise I got. There on a daybed were the boys, sound asleep. A very naked Dylan was spooned into a very naked Adam. Adam's right arm was across Dylan's chest and Dylan was holding Adam's hand. Dylan had his head lying on Adam's left arm. I smiled as I looked at them and thought young love. I went and got Michael up and told him to come with me. He followed down asking if anything was wrong. I just held a finger to my lips to quiet him. I led him to the summer porch and he froze at the sight of the boys. He told me to wait there one minute and he left. He returned shortly with a camera and snapped the boy's picture. We thought the flash might wake them but all they did was snuggle closer. Adam pulled Dylan closer and in his sleep, his kissed the back of Dylan's head. Michael and I went into the kitchen, had a tea, and cried. Our boys are in love we said. Our prayers would maybe come true. We had so much wanted the boys to become a couple someday but neither of us wanted to interfere. We decided to let nature takes its course. On the way up to bed, we went out to the porch, and covered them up with a sheet. The next morning when we rose the boys were up and playing around on the porch with some dog. He belonged to a neighbor but loved to play with the boys. We had a fabulous summer this year and knew that the boys did also. 'We always thought, Adam and I, that we had gone undiscovered that summer,' I though to myself. 'I wonder what happened to that photo,' I thought. 'I must ask Michael what he did with the picture.' I must have fallen asleep shortly after because Jeanne woke me to tell me that she was going home. I said goodbye and decided to call Michael. "Hey dad," I said. "I my other dad there," I asked Steven. "No he went to the market and should be home any minute, why," He asked. "Well I was reading in dad's journal and I came across an entry dated for the summer of 1993." I told him. "In it he mentioned how we, Adam and I, had gotten caught by my dad Kyle in the boat house." I said and could feel my face reddening. "Oh yes, I remember that summer," he says. "That was when you two were caught jerking ." he started to say but I interrupted. "Yes I know, so lets not go there, ok," I asked. "Why I called is he mentioned that we got caught spooning on the summer porch and Michael had taken a picture of us sleeping like that. I just wondered if he still had that picture or not," I asked. "Gee son I really don't know," he said. "I know the one you are talking about though. Hey just a minute Michael is coming in now." He says and I here him tell him that I am on the phone. "Dylan how are you son," he asks. "Good dad," I tell him. "The reason I called is to see if you still had a picture from the time we spent together in the summer of 1993," I ask. "The one you took of Adam and I spooning," I tell him feeling so embarrassed. "Oh my Dylan, I really don't know son," he says. "If I did it would be in my trunk in the attic," he says. "How do you feel about a trip down memory lane tomorrow, son." He asks. "Now before you answer you must realize that it could get emotional seeing these pictures because your dads and Adam will be in it son," he says with a sensitivity in his voice. "I know dad, but I do so want to see them. I think they will help me heal my heart," I tell him. "How is around ten sound and I will bring the Kleenex," I tell him with a chuckle. "Sounds good son see you tomorrow then, good night love." He says and hangs up. I hang up the phone and sit on the sofa. I am just sitting there for a while when the doorbell rings. I get up and go to answer it. Brian is standing there with a bottle of wine and a smile. He says, "This is for you from Pierre," and hands it to me. "I thought I would bring it to you and see what you were up to this evening." "That was so nice of both of you," I tell him. "So let me guess," I say. "If my interpretation of 'what you were up to' is correct; that would translate into 'I was horny and was hoping you were also'. Now am I correct young man," I ask with a smirk on my face. "Well since you put it that way, yes," he says. "So are you, because I am so horny and loved the time we had that night." He said with hope in his eyes. "Brian, am I just a cum dump to you," I ask him. "Because that is what you make me feel like right now," I tell him. "Oh God no Dylan you aren't," he says. "I am so sorry Dylan. That is not the way I meant it," he says. "I guess I will go then and I am sorry for sounding like that," and he has a sad look on his face. "Calm down Brian and come in," I tell him closing the door. I turn around and he pulls me into a kiss. I pull away and tell him that he cannot stay the night. "One night stands are not what I am into and I feel that sex without love is so wrong. Brian you are a great kid but what I need you cannot provide. Maybe I should say that you would not provide. I need a life time commitment son and you are way to wild to commit right now." I tell him. "I think that from now on we will not see each other sexually, do you understand me." I ask him. "Yes sir," he says rather dejected. "I am so sorry Dylan for coming across that way and I don't want to loose you for a friend," he says. I walk him to the door and before opening it; I kiss him softly on the lips and say. "You haven't lost my friendship. Be careful Brian about one-night stands; you can get more than you bargain for," I tell him. "Why don't you just go home and jerk off instead." "I think I will, and thanks for being a friend Dylan." "I love you Brian but as a friend. I do not want to see you get hurt. What I need you are not ready to provide. I am still mourning Adam and sex is not right for me at this time." I tell him and he opens the door and leaves. He is a good kid and will soon grow up and know that what I said tonight about sex with love is correct. I turn out the lights and head up to bed. I hit the bed and I am out like a light. The next morning Jeanne greets me with her usual upbeat style. "Good morning Dylan," she says like a schoolgirl home from her first date. "What a beautiful day isn't it," she says and twirls around in a dance step. "My aren't we jovial today," I remark. "What has you so wound up," I ask her. "This," she says and holds her hand out to me showing me a huge diamond ring. "Oh my God, Jeanne, he did not did he," I ask all excited for her. "Yes, last night. He brought me to the global restaurant. After dinner, he stands up and says, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, If I may have you attention please. I would like you to be my witnesses as I propose to this fantastic beautiful woman.' He gets down on one knee and with the entire restaurant watching he asked me to marry him. Dylan I never was so embarrassed in my life. I just looked into his eyes and could see the love he had for me, and said yes. He stood up, pulled me up into his arms, and kissed me. The entire restaurant applauded as he slipped the ring unto my finger. "I am so excited I could burst." Pierre comes over, brings us this bottle of champagne, and opens it. He pours us each a glass and Max lifts his in a toast to me. It was the most beautiful night I have ever had. "Oh Dylan, I could just scream I am so happy." She says. We are talking and the doorbell rings. She says she will get it and heads to the door. She is back with a very handsome man who is grinning from ear to ear. "Dylan I would like to introduce you to Maxwell Lincoln Covington." She says with stars in her eyes looking at him. "Well it is a pleasure to meet the man that has made my Jeanne so happy," I say offering my hand. "The pleasure is all mind, Dylan." He says shaking my hand. "I know that this is on short notice, but could I steal her for the day young man. I would like to bring her to meet my son today before he leaves for school," he asks. "No problem," I tell him. "Besides the condition she is in I wouldn't get much work out of her anyways." I tell him and give Jeanne a kiss on the cheek. "Now go you two lovebirds and have a great day." He shakes my hand and thanks me and Jeanne gives me a hug and kiss. I walk them to the door and tell her to leave her car where it is and she can get it tomorrow. She tells me that they have to pick up Brian so he can come with them to meet Max's son. I wish them a good day and they leave. I go inside and grab the journal and I leave for dad's house. I get there and he greets me with a hug and kiss. "My aren't we chipper this morning," he says looking at me smiling. "Yeah I am I guess. Jeanne just got engaged last night and she and her intended just left to meet his son," I tell her. "I am so happy for her," Michael says. "Now are you hungry," he asks. "Famished," I tell him. We head into the kitchen and have a very nice breakfast. During breakfast, I show him the journal I brought. "Is this the journal that Josh kept," he asks. "Yes it is and it's full of his life," I tell him. "I laugh and cry each time I read something in it. His style of writing just keeps me wanting more." I tell him. We sat and flipped through it and I showed him the entry from that summer in 1993. "We thought that we were so clever that summer. We thought that we had completely gotten away with our little secret." I tell him. "We had such a laugh thinking how you two boys thought that you had pulled one over on us." He says laughing again at the thought. "We, Josh and I, knew that one day you two would fall in love." He says and puts his hand on mine. "I just wish that . well never mind what I wish," he says and gets up to bring the dishes to the sink. "What dad? What do you wish? That we had more time together," I ask. "It's alright dad, he taught me how to love and how to be loved," I say hugging him and he has tears in his eyes. "I don't understand why he was taken so soon from us, but I will cherish forever the time we did have." I say and give my uncle a kiss on the cheek. "Now lets see your pictures," I say and he leads me to the attic. The attic is musty and dark. A single light illuminates the room. We go over to an old trunk and kneel on the floor in front of it. He opens it and starts to go through the things in it. "Oh look at this," he says holding up a yellowed white gown. "Adam wore this when we had him baptized," he says and brings it to his nose. "It still has his baby scent on it." He says and passes it to me. I couldn't smell anything but musky smells but said nothing. He handed several toys and books telling me what they were to Adam. He then lifts a big wooden box from the bottom of the trunk and hands it to me. He puts the other things back inside and closes the trunk. "Lets take that downstairs to look inside," he says leading the way. We take the box down to the den and place it on the coffee table. He opens it and it is filled with photos. Some are yellowed but most look as good as the day taken. He shows me a picture of my real dads together holding me when I was just one. "Look at the love in there eyes," I say holding the picture. "If daddy Kyle grins and more his head will split." I say smiling. "Josh hated that grin he once told me. He said that it was Kyle's secret weapon against him. He could never refuse Kyle when he grinned like that." He says smiling. "He told me once that if they argued a point he had to turn his back to Kyle so he wouldn't yield to him. He said to me that he lost more arguments with him because of that grin." "Yeah dad had a way of getting around him, didn't he." I say. We dug through the pictures until he came across the one I wanted. There it was. Adam had me pulled into him and his arm was across my chest. I had his hand in mine and my head was resting on his other arm. We were very naked and looked so much in love. We were both teenagers. He was fourteen and I was thirteen. His head was resting against mine as if he was smelling my hair. I had a tear in my eye seeing him and I so innocent and in love. It also gave my pleasure that my dads knew that Adam and I loved each other. I smiled as I thought of Kyle seeing us jerking off together in the boathouse. "What is so amusing," dad asked me. "I was just thinking of dad spying on us as we jerked off in the boathouse that day." I told him. "I think that had it been Josh he might have said something at that time." "You know Josh and I were real close son. We had a bond that only moms had. I know that women have a sixth sense but being a dad as we were gave us that intuition that kept us a step ahead of you two." He told me. "We cried that day, your dad and I, because our boys were becoming young men." We spent most of the day reminiscing and going through photos. I left around four with a good share of the photos. We had bonded as only a mom and son would bond. He gave me a hug and held me in his arms and told me, "You know Dylan, I may not have raised you but you feel like a son to me love. I have lost my Adam but I have you and his love lives on through you." He told me and tears ran down his cheeks. "I know how you feel also. Adam is with my dads now and I have you and Steven to love as my dads. I hope that it doesn't cause you pain that I call you two dad." "No son it doesn't. I am so happy to have you as a son. We both are. We watched you grow up into a nice young man. It gave us a great deal of pleasure seeing Adam and you in love." He said still holding me. "I love you son as much as I did Adam. You don't know this but your dad before he died of cancer asked us to be your dad should anything happen to Kyle. I think he knew that Kyle would quickly follow him on." He said with a slight smile. "He knew that we would look out for you as much as we did for Adam. Now enough of this sad talk son. Go home and be happy." He says kissing me goodbye. I kissed him back and left thankful for the time we had spent together. Over the next few months, I busied myself in my writing. I had written many stories based on the journal and mostly kept them to myself. I did it more as a way to personalize it for me than to publish it. Jeanne and Max had set a date and I decided to give them a party to announce it. It was early May and the spring weather had warmed up considerably. I hired a caterer and hire a large tent for the occasion. We had a DJ and invited around two hundred guests. It was also a chance for Brian to meet Jeremy, Max's son. He hadn't been able that day to go with them to meet him. Jeanne and Max said that he would be able to meet him finally at the party. He was the same age as Brian and had just finished college. Brian still had three more years until he finished. Money issues had kept Brian from going and now with the scholarship he could finally go. The party was set and everyone was looking forward to the big day. Jeanne and Max had decided that since everyone was going to be there they might as well get married that same time. Therefore, plans were altered a bit. Instead of an engagement cake, I ordered a wedding cake. The invitations had not gone out so wedding invitations went out instead. The day arrived and the weather was very warm and sunny. Brian got to meet Jeremy and everyone had a great time. Jeanne wore a beautiful full-length ivory gown. Brian gave her away and was her witness in place of a maid of honor. Jeremy was best man for his dad. Everyone partied late into the evening. I gave the happy couple a Mediterranean cruise for a gift / honeymoon. Jeanne had given up her apartment and Max and her had bought a house together. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be ready until after they got back from their honeymoon. Brian and Jeremy were staying with me until they got back. That evening after all the guest had gone and the happy couple left for their hotel, the three of us sat and talked together for a while. I showed Jeremy to the room he would be sharing with Brian. It has two twin beds and it would be good for them to share. They could talk and bond as brothers since that was what they were now. We said our goodnight and went to bed. Along about two, I was awoken by a yell that sounded like someone dying. I sprang from bed and went down to the room that Brian and Jeremy were sharing. I burst through the door and stopped dead in my tracks. There was Jeremy fucking Brian. They jumped went I entered the room and both stood before me in all their glory. "I am so sorry guys," I said blushing like a stoplight. "I heard a yell and thought that something was wrong. Please forgive me boys," I said and left the room. The rest of the night was quiet but I knew that they were just as embarrassed as I. The next morning poor Jeremy could not look me in the eyes. Brian just grinned and said, "I hope you liked the show last night Dylan." "Guys I am so sorry for interrupting you. I should have knocked but I thought someone was hurt." I said blushing. "I was hurt," Brian said. "Jeremy's cock is so fucking big and fat I thought I would split into. I guess you heard me when I yelled." He said and Jeremy blushed this time. "Don't worry about it Jeremy," I told him. "We are all gay men here and nothing was harmed, just Brian's ass." I said and we all laughed. "I just felt so awful for doing that in your home when I was a guest." He said still blushing. "I hope you can forgive me Dylan." "There is nothing to forgive Jeremy. Does your dad know that you are gay," I asked. "No he doesn't. He thinks I just have terrible luck with women," he says. "I don't know if he could handle me being gay." "Well Brian's mom knows he is and I am sure she has told your dad. I know he loves you so I would guess he would accept it. He seems like a decent man from what I met." I tell him and give him a hug and a quick kiss on the lips. Brian looks at me and says, "Hey I saw him first Dylan. Get your own man 'cause he's mine." He says defensively. We finish breakfast and the boys leave for whatever young gay boys do. I went to my study and tackled some long overdue paperwork. I was deep in my work when the doorbell rang. I got up and went to see whom it was. I thought that maybe the boys had forgotten the key I gave them yesterday. I was shocked when I opened the door. There stood . To be continued. Let me know how you liked it. I enjoy your feedback. Contact me at randyhoward2@yahoo.com.