Date: Sat, 9 Oct 1999 09:46:24 EDT
From: SSch191950@aol.com
Subject: The Knife That Twists Within Part 7

The Knife That Twists Within
Part 7

Nicholas stamped his feet to shake off the snow from his boots as they entered
the "Moonbreaker". Last night he had spent at Matthias and Tina's flat and now
they had decided to go to the disco again. Nicholas hoped they would meet Kay.
He felt more than forlorn, especially as he had received a worried call from
Marcus in the early afternoon, asking where he had spent the last night.

He saw Kay standing behind the bar from a distance and Nicholas pulled out
the plugs from his ears. Matthias laughed. "Ah, you and your sensitive ears!
Look, Kay's there!"

   "Yeah, I've already seen him. Hi sweetie!" he shouted and Kay seemed to be
more than pleased to see him. Nicholas looked at Simon's photo who was pinned
against the shelves where stood all rows of bottles seemingly every possible
alcohol there was. Silently he pointed at it but Kay shook his head in regret.

Tina ordered her usual Bloody Mary and Kay passed both men two glasses of beer.

   "I thought you hated this place," he said.

Nicholas leaned over he counter. "Heard from Sebastian?"

   "But of course!" Kay beamed. "He wants to pick me up at midnight."

Nicholas was amazed. "He really wants to come here? Now, that's interesting."

He wondered how this elegant man would fit into these surroundings of very
young, shrill and sweating people. He watched Kay's lithe movements, how he
walked on silent feet behind the bar, filling glasses and shaking cocktails.

   "Sebastian said he wanted to speak to Marcus and me."

Kay nodded. "I know. But your beloved Marcus is away now." His grin revealed
the little gap between his front teeth. "How are you bearing up?" The golden
earring sparkled in the artificial red-blue light. "I would have gladly taken
his place, but..." He left the sentence unfinished.

   "You are now occupied by Sebastian? Congratulations," Nicholas said.

Again a little stab of jelousy seemed to hurt his stomach. He briefly recalled
Sebastians's' naked torso, undressed in front of him and again he felt the urge
to ran his fingers over it, a feeling, Kay certainly had experienced already.
"Sebastian is a wonderful lover", Marcus voice hummed in his ears. He still
watched Kay as he slowly emptied his glass of beer.

He would have liked to ask Kay about it and he was convinced, Kay would tell
him everything. But finally Nicholas shook off the strange thoughts and
feelings and instead of Sebastian's creamy marzipan-coloured skin he remembered
the soft and smooth darker complexion Marcus had. Inwardly he shook his head.
Was he that easily influenced by externals? Wasn't it Marcus' loving affection,
his understanding, the care and tender lovemaking which counted more? But if he
could get to know Sebastian more he was convinced that he also would had
similar qualities, after all he was Marcus' best friend...

In the meantime Matthias and Tina had disappeared onto the dancefloor. Kay
pulled out from his pocket a handfull of pills and opened his palm. Nicholas
saw tablets it all conceivable forms and colours. The pink one with the Playboy
bunny upon it he had already tried. But there were some bluish ones with the
Euro-label, a dove or a apple.

Nicholas grabbed one with the label 'Killer'. "What's this one?" he asked.
"Poisoned?"

   "No," Kay laughed. "They're mostly all the same. Wanna try?"

   "Hm, can I have it for later?"

   "Of course, take it when you're in the mood for it."

Nicholas put the pill into his trouser pocket. The big hall was slowly filling
until there was scarcely any spare room on the dance floor and as some pleasant
music from the 70s and 80s sat in, Nicholas rocked with the time of the music.
He had finished his third beer and leaned against the wall.

   "How is Sebastian actually?" he asked Kay all of a sudden. But Kay didn't
listen because he was busy to fill glasses and taking money. Nicholas sighed
and looked over the dancing people. The light changed in quick succession from
a bright yellow to a deep prussian blue and a hazy fog swirled around the
heads of the dancers.

   "Sorry, what did you say?" Kay wiped the metallic surface of the bar.

   "Sebastian. How is he?"

   "What do you mean? In bed?"

Nicholas turned his gaze to the ceiling. "Yeah .... now, what's he like in
bed?"

   "Great!"

   "Aha. What else. Everybody seems to be 'great' in bed."

Kay looked confused for a moment. "You are not?" He hid a grin.

Nicholas leaned over. "But of course I am, sweetie,"  he whispered in Kay's
ear. "Shall I prove it?"

   "Ah, come on, perhaps you shouldn't drink so much."

   "But what about your little black present, you remember? Want to see how it
fits?"

Kay glanced him up and down. "I'm sure it fits very well", he said finally.
"You have a nice arse."

Nicholas burst out in laughter. "Thanks, you too."

He set down his empty beer glass. "Give me another one. It's hot in here."

   "The last one, sweetie, or I have to take you home."

Nicholas grabbed the cool glass, frosted with condensation and took a gulp.
The foam left a white moustache on his upper lip.

   "Feeling very lonely at night?" he heard Kay's voice from a distance.
Somehow he seemed to have cotton wool in his ears and his sight was blurred.
The colours of the laser lights merged to a huge paint box. "Very," he nodded.
"But now I have company," he grinned, "and actually I'm well. Apart from the
fact that my father called me a fucking faggot, everything is fine."

Kay rised an eyebrow. "He said that? Coming out, eh?" He nodded. "My parents
acted the same way, but now they don't even bother about it. Give him time,
he'll get used to it."

   "Hmm, I'm not sure about it." He glanced at Simon's impish grin. "So nobody
saw him? That's really shit. Oops!" Nicholas had almost spilt his glass and
his stomach heaved with a hiccups.

Kay grinned. "Stop drinking, sweetie, it's not good for you."

   "Ah, shit. Don't tell me what I should do. I'm fine."

He hiccuped. "When does Sebastian come?"

Kay looked at his watch. "Around twenty minutes."

   "All right." Nicholas swayed lightly on his feet and shot forward suddenly,
in the direction of the toilets.

   "Watch out for the mugger, sweetie!" Kay shouted good-humoured but Nicholas
waved.

Nick drank a mineral water and 25 minutes later Sebastian turned up at the bar
after he had shoved his way free from laughing, sweating people. Nicholas still
leaned against the wall and had his eyes closed. With one hand he clung to the
bar counter to prevent himself from falling.

   "What's the matter with him?" Sebastian nodded at Nicholas.

   "Drank too fast." Kay smiled. "Perhaps he's love sick."

Sebastian grinned and looked around. "What an awful place! How can you bear
the noise? It makes my ears ache!" Still grinning he leaned over and planted
a wet kiss on Kay's lips.

   "Hi Bastian," Nicholas muttered. Sebastian looked at him and said, "Come
on, honey. I'll take you home." And to Kay, "I'll be back soon, wait for me?"

   "Of course."




The air was frosty outside and the crusted snow crunched under their footsteps.
Sebastian firmly grabbed hold of Nicholas' upper arm and together they walked
past young men and women swho had come out from the "Moonbreaker" to get some
fresh air.

The sharp cold air hit Nicholas like a slap in the face. His head whirled and
he was thankful for Sebastian's firm grip.

   "Are you ok? My car isn't that far away, couldn't get any nearer to park
unfortunately. Have you heard from Marcus?"

Nicholas  didn't really feel like chatting. He felt sick, but the fresh air
helped his churning stomach. "Yeah," he began hesitatingly, "he called me
this morning asking where I had been the whole night."

Sebastian's face was a question mark. "And where were you? Not at home?"

   "No. I was at Matthias flat."

   "Felt that lonely?"

Nicholas feet slipped and he would have fallen if Sebastian hadn't got hold
of him. "No, not lonely, angry. I registered yesterday at the Academy and met
Frank." He looked into Sebastian's face. "You know Frank?"

   "I heard all about it, yes. And?"

   "Well ..." he sighed, "actually nothing. He made some strange comments but
I ignored him."

   "Good. But you're going to have to meet him again?"

   "I hope not. But if I'm in his working group then I can't do anything
about it." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. Is it far?"

Sebastian looked around and turned the next corner into a small side street.
Snow covered cars parked at the curbs and in the distance he could see the
dipped headlights of a slowly driving car. "Soon there, just across the
street."

   "And then I met my father." Nicholas said quietly. His stomach heaved
again with nausea. They tried to cross the street, but Nicholas tripped over
a stone at the curb and stumbled out into the roadway.

The car, Sebastian had seen in the distance, was suddenly dangerous near. In
the yellow light of the headlights he saw how Nicholas stumbled along ahead
and the mudguard lightly brushed his jacket.

   "Nicki, what you doing," he shouted, "go on. I'm coming."

He stepped into the roadway and heard the car turn with squealing tyres, pick
up speed and drive directly at Nicholas, who stood petrified in the middle of
the roadway, watching with staring eyes like a rabbit caught in the glare of
the headlights. The motor roared as the accelerator was pushed down flat.

   "Nicki!" Sebastian shouted. With a jump he flung himself onto the young
man, pushed him forward and fell with him into the slush. The car weaved,
brakes screaming, stopped and turned again directly towards both men lying on
the street.

   "He, look at this!" a man shouted from the other side of the street. He
ran to them, ignoring the approaching car and bent over Sebastian.

   "What's happened?"

Sebastian peered over his shoulder and saw the car avoiding them and racing
along the street until it vanished round the corner.

All three coughed from the stench of exhaust fumes.

   "Hit-and-run? The car hit you?"

Sebastian lifted his heavy body from Nicholas lying under him. "Nicki, are you
ok?"

Nicholas gave a low moan and tried to kneel up. His right wrist gave way and
a sharp pain stabbed through his hand.

   "Oh shit, something's wrong with my hand."

   "Show me," Sebastian took his hand with was scratched, dirty from the muddy
slush and bleeding. "Where does it hurt?" Cautiously he tried to move the hand
but Nicholas cried out in pain.

   "Shall I call the ambulance?" the man asked.

   "I'll take him in my car."

   "Oh God! What's this? I don't want to spend again a night at that damn
hospital. Soon I'll be a regular there!" Nicholas shouted. He suddenly felt
completely sober again. He sat on his butt and looked completely dumbfounded
at Sebastian. "Did you see that? The car turned and drove straight at us again!
Surely it was intentional?"

Sebastian inspected his hands and knees. His trousers had some tears as did
Nicholas'. "Look at the state of us. Can you stand?"

Sebastian stood up and pulled Nicholas to his feet. Apparently his hand was
the only injury he had got. Holding him around his waist, he walked slowly
slowly with him to the other side of the street.

Certainly he had seen the car and the strange behaviour of its driver. He
cursed inwardly. Marcus had instructed him that morning to keep a look out
for Nicholas and had told him all his worries concerning both incidents and
the odd telephone call he had received.

Now there wasn't any doubt that someone was trying to spoil Marcus' and
Nicholas' life. He suspected Simon. Who else could it be?

Ten minutes later both men found themselves in the same examination room again
as that they had been in on New Years Eve. While Sebastian sat there with
trembling hands Nicholas wrist had a X-ray and later got a tape bandage. It
wasn't broken but sprained and needed absolutely rest for some days.



   "It's really a drag," Nicholas said, as Sebastian unlocked the door to
Marcus' house. "It's the second time in two weeks that I come back here
straight from the hospital. What's going on?"

Sebastian remained silent, merely leading him into the living room. "Want a
hot cup of tea or something?"

Nicholas shook his head.

   "Your hand hurts?"

   "A little."

   "Do you want an aspirin?"

   "The doc has already given me some."

   "Good, the pain will soon be over then." He watched the young man, curled
up in the armchair. How could he explain this to Marcus? He didn't want to
call him, he would be too upset.

He went to Nicholas, knet down beside him and took his uninjured hand.

   "I'm sorry about this, Nicki."

   "But the car," Nicholas exclaimed. "It tried to kill me! Didn't you see it?"

   "Sssh, yes I saw it." Softly he stroked his hand. "I don't know who it was,
I can't explain it." He looked into Nicholas' face. "Do you want me to stay
with you?"

Nicholas nodded slowly.

   "Come on then, I'll take you to bed." He helped him out of the chair and
upstairs with him to the bedroom. There he motioned him to sit on the bed,
took off his boots, then went for his belt, opened it, pulled down the zipper
of his jeans. Nicholas lifted his buttocks and Sebastian pulled down the torn
trousers.

   "Give me your pullover and shirt, I'll throw them into the laundry box."

Without a word Nicholas did what he wanted and sat there finally only in his
underpants. He watched a bit confused Sebastian wandering around from the
bedroom to the bathroom and looked at his torn and dirty trousers.

   "You should take off your own jeans. They are ripped as well."

Sebastian looked down. "Sure." Without hesitation he pulled them off and threw
them into the bathroom. "What about a hot shower?" he asked.

Nicholas nodded. "But what's about this?" He held his taped hand outstretched.
Sebastian thought for a second, disappeared and came back a few minutes later
with a plastic bag and some tape. He pulled it over Nicholas' hand and fixed
it with the tape.

   "Now you are ready for the shower. Go." He gave him a slap on his buttocks.


Nicholas stepped into the shower and closed the glass doors. He pulled down
his underpants and let the steam surround him. Slowly he relaxed under the
stream of hot water. Nevertheless his body trembled and he wished desperately
that Marcus were there to take him into his arms.

Finally he switched off the water, stepped out, grabbing the big towel lying
over the rim of the bathtub. Sebastian entered the bathroom. He wore nothing
other than a towel around his waist.

   "Better now?" he asked.

   "Yes. Better." But his face told Sebastian the opposite and he could see
his eyes glistened with tears. Quickly he stepped closer and pulled Nicholas
into an embrace. Slowly he stroked Nicholas' wet hair and whispered
unintelligible words into his ear.

Nicholas body got limp in the man's arms. He smelled the faint aroma of his
after shave and some manly scent underneath, buried his face into Sebastian's
neck and let out a sob.

Strangely despite all the grieve he still felt a slight arousal in his groin.
Wasn't this what he had furtively dreamt of? He felt the fuzz of soft hair
against his own smooth chest and allowed his hands to roam over Sebastian's
back until they met the towel around his waist. He pulled on it in an effort
to remove it.

Sebastian lifted his head, looked into his face and lowered his lips to
Nicholas'. His grey-green eyes were near and huge until they narrowed and
finally closed.

Nicholas felt a pair of soft lips moving on his own, cautiously, tenderly
until they became more urgent, searching for an answer. Nicholas opened his
lips and a tongue slipped in, playing with his own.

He sensed how the towel, clamped between their two bodies fell upon the carpet
and Sebastian ground his own erection into Nicholas' crotch. Nicholas pushed
back, kneaded Sebastian's ass cheeks and felt suddenly lifted from the ground
and carried into the bedroom.

Sebastian laid him down on the coverlet, crept on top of him and began to kiss
his eyes, cheeks and along his neck. Nicholas purred and whispered, "What are
you doing to me?" Sebastian's sole answer was a deep, barely audible laugh
and a whispered, "What I dreamt of doing for an age, Nicki, honey. You can't
imagine how long."

Nicholas giggled. "Oh sure - and you've known me for years have you?"

   "To me it seems so." Sebastian kissed his chest and nibbled on his nipples
which caused Nicholas' skin to turn into goosebumps. He wanted to stroke
Sebastian's sandy hair he noticed that his hand was still wrapped in the
plastic bag. He ripped off the tape and shook it off.

Sebastian's body was heavy on his own. He could feel the light, blond hair on
his legs stroking his skin, their cocks entwined and he arched his back in
the effort to come even closer. His mind swirled and his body enjoyed the
caress of the other man. Then suddenly Sebastian lifted his head and stared at
the small trace of saliva his tongue had left on Nicholas' belly. His eyes
were vacant and he seemed to be listening.

   "What's the matter? Don't stop, Bastian."

   "Ssshh. Did you hear something?"

   "No, there's nothing." He groped for Sebastian's face and pulled it down
to him, but then he heard it too. It was ringing at the door downstairs.

   "Shit! Who can it be?"

Both men looked intensily at each other before they exclaimed in unison

   "Kay!"

   "I'd completely forgotten him!!" Sebastian said, lifted his body and jumped
out of the bed.

Again Nicholas felt a sharp punch in his stomach. Without the other body he
was cold and he shivered. Speechless, he watched how Sebastian looking for
Marcus robe and quickly pulling it on. At the foot of the bed he stopped
briefly and watched the young man, outstretched on the bed, very erect,
flushed and shivering. A stab of regret filled him. He bent over, kissed
Nicholas' lips a last time and ran downstairs.

As he opened the front door a rather sulky-looking Kay stood in front of it,
waiting for some explanations.

He dragged him inside and made some hastily concocted excuses.

   "We had an accident in the street. There was a car, came directly towards
us, Nicki could barely avoid it, but it turned and came once more. So I jumped
on top of him and we both landed in the slush of the street. Can you imagine
this?"

   "A car? It followed you? Wanted to hit you?"

Kay's face was a mixture of disbelief and relief. "Are you hurt?"

He looked him up and down. "But what you doing here? In a robe? Where is Nick?"

   "Sleeping finally. I was just about to call you to tell you to come over
here." He pulled Kay into his arms. "I'm sorry. But I was very upset."

   "I can imagine." Kay said. "But you're sure you're ok now?"

   "Yes, we're fine."

   "I went to your flat first," Kay continued. "But you didn't answer so I
thought you might still be here." He looked a bit suspiciously into Sebastian's
face.

Sebastian found it difficult to meet his eyes. "Yes, it took us a bit longer
than I thought. I wanted to take a shower right now. Come with me?"

Kay followed gladly but Sebastian didn't know what to think nor what to feel.
God! What would he have done if Kay hadn't arrived? He felt sick all of a
sudden but tried to hide it from Kay. Not only he had cheated on Marcus, he
had completely forgotten Kay! Briefly he wiped his face. You shit! he cursed
himself inwardly. He desperately wanted to have a look at Nicholas, but didn't
dare.

Instead he stepped with Kay into the shower and tried to enjoy the feeling
of the young body. He studied once more the blue, abstract tattoo snaking
around Kay's upper arm and felt his hand around his balls, the other one
soaping his crack. God damn it! Almost brutally he pressed his lips onto Kay's
and heard him giggling. "You are randy tonight, aren't you?"

   "Definitely", Sebastian panted between kisses. "Stop teasing me with your
hands, sweetie and hurry up into bed."



The LCD of the little alarm clock showed 3:10. Nicholas tossed and turned in
bed and looked at the curtains where the soft light of the outdoor lamps
painted silhouettes of leaveless branches against the windows.

He sighed. His gaze fell upon his painting of Marcus hung on the opposite wall.
He only could see it indistinclty but it seemed to him as if Marcus' dark eyes
pierced his very being and as if he was able to see through the painting what
had happened here, even though if he was thousends of miles away.

Marcus had asked him to resist all seductions and what was he doing? At the
first opportunity he had fallen into the arms of Sebastian and if Kay hadn't
have arrived the place beside him wouldn't now be empty but filled with
Sebastian's warm body and his steady breath, not to mention that his ass would
now be filled with other things...

He was cross with himself. Marcus certainly trusted him, although he wasn't
sure that Marcus was immune against other temptations... Nicholas still felt
Sebastian's long legs entwined with his own, the thick cock stroking his own
with every movement he made ... and was conviced Kay was now experiencing the
same delights even though he couldn't make out any noise or sound from the
guest room, but the walls seemed to be thick enough to swallow every sound.
And then, he wasn't sure if he want to hear the noise of two lovers especially
if one of these lovers was someone he would like to have in his own bed...

He sighed again, rose abruptly and jumped out of the bed. His hand had began
to hurt again. He pulled on his robe, silently opened the door and tiptoed
cautiously to the opposite door and listed. He could hear nothing so he went
downstairs into the kitchen, opened the fridge and got a bottle of mineral
water. He poured a glass, sat at the table and remained there in the dark
silence of the house.

He pondered what to do. Should he call Marcus tomorrow? He shook his head.
This was out of question. Marcus had certainly called already and was now
probably upset again, because nobody had answered the phone. He looked at the
watch and began to count. In New York it was shortly after 9 pm, actually time
to call him. But what should he say? That some mad car driver wanted to kill
him? Again? Nicholas flinched. Why had he thought 'again'? Was there a
connection between the attacker with his ether-soaked cloth, the fire in the
exhibition hall and now with the car accident? Weren't they all silly
coincidences?

He touched his taped hand and thought about the Academy he wanted to visit
next week. What now? He wouldn't be able to draw. And he could only hope that
there wasn't any lasting damage.

He buried his face into the palms of his hand and felt tears building in his
eyes. Why didn't you go with him, you idiot! Missing a few days at the
Academy wasn't that big a thing.

Eventually he stood up, taking the glass with him and looked for some aspirin
in the bathroom. He found some tablets and swallowed them with the water. Then
he went back to bed again. An hour later he fell into a restless sleep.


A humming sound filled his ears, like the buzz of a mosquito or of a bumblebee.
He windmilled his arms to scare away the annoying sound, but instead it grew
stronger and louder and came nearer. There were flames around him, a cold,
golden fire which burnt Marcus' painting to grey ashes in front of his eyes.
He stretched out his arms, groped directly into the cold flames but couldn't
reach it in time. The buzzing noise grew even louder. Nicholas tried to hide
himself in the farthest corner he could find in the large hall, but the sound
followed him. He fell onto his back, pulled his knees to his chest and held
them with his arms in an effort to cut out all the sounds, the fire, the
coldness and the emptiness. But then something broke through the fireball,
shot to his direction. He could see a face behind the steering wheel, a pale
face with piercing ice-blue eyes and a very wicked grin on pink lips. The
driver suddenly turned into a stout woman in a red apron waving a soaked cloth
triumphantly.

>From the distance he could hear the cheering and exaltations of a cowboy
who had just won the cup at the rodeo in Calgary and he knew there wasn't any
escape. He had to die now, alone in the cold-burning exhibition hall, either
burnt to death or hit by the roaring wheels of the dark car.

He pulled himself upright and closed his eyes, ready for the final hit. The
car was near, dangerously near, he could smell petrol, the rubber stech of hot
wheels and the sweet scent of chloroform and began to yell ...

Yelling and crying Nicholas found himself sitting upright in his bed, his
hair stuck down on his forehead and sweating immensely. Almost at the same
time the door opened and Kay rushed into the room, fighting with the sleeve of
his robe. He flung himself at Nicholas, sat on the bed and pulled him into his
arms.

   "What have you dreamt, sweetie?" he heard his soothing voice. "Was it bad?
You were yelling all the time." Nicholas lifted his head from Kays neck and
saw Sebastian enter the room. He looked sleepy but very concerned and rushed
to his side.

Nicholas was embarrassed and would rather he'd been alone. "It was nothing,
only a dream." His voice was rasped and cold and he avoided to looking into
Sebastian's eyes.

   "Do you have often such dreams?" Kay asked and continued to stroke his
wet forehead.

   "No. It's ... it's ..."

Sebastian gently took Kay's arm and whispered, "Leave us alone for a moment,
ok? Go to back to bed, I'll come in a minute."

Kay gave him an odd look but vanished silently through the door. Nicholas
pulled the blankets up to his chin and remained silent.

Sebastian stretched out his hand and cautiously stroked Nicholas' cheek.

   "You shouldn't be alone this night", he whispered, "but what can I do? I'll
be glad when Marcus comes back."

   "Ah! You are afraid of being alone with me, right?" Nicholas' voice was
still rough. With a firm grip Sebastian wrapped his hands around Nicholas'
upperarms.

   "Say you don't wanted it! Say it into my face!"

Nicholas broke free. "Of course I wanted it!" he shouted, "but now go to Kay,
he's waiting."

Sebastian looked him up and down as if he was an interesting newly-discovered
insect and nodded slowly. "If I were Marcus, I'd be standing here, not in
America. He knows me; I never was able to resist anybody with trousers."  He
got up. "We should forget it, right? Try to sleep, Nicki. Tomorrow we'll tell
Marcus and perhaps give the police a report. You can't remember the colour and
type of the car, I suppose?" He stepped to the door. "Good night, try to
sleep." And he was gone.

   "Now, what was that?" Nicholas was taken aback. How could he be so ... cold
and business-like all of a sudden? He had expected some cuddlings and soothing
words, but now Sebastian acted as if all the kisses and touchings had happened
only in his imagination. What a strange man, he sighed.

But then, there was Kay, and although Kay had made advances to him, he knew
that now he was occupied with Sebastian and Nicholas didn't want to disturb
the new relationship. He liked Kay too much for this.

Nicholas stretched out under the blankets. The pain in his wrist was now only
a dull ache. 'Try to sleep'! Sebastian could talk! How could HE sleep after
all this?


To be continued