Warning! This is a tale about men loving men. If you find this disturbing - click off. If it's unlawful for you to read this - click off. If you under age - good luck if you can get away with it.
This is not a story for getting your rocks off. Just thought I'd let you know so you won't waste your time if that's what your looking for.
Otherwise, I hope you enjoy my writing.
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Those Golden Eyes
Since Jason had gotten out of his last class a few minutes early, he went to meet up with Pete. He leaned against the wall waiting. After all the other students had emerged from the classroom and Pete hadn't, Jason went to the door to see what was holding him up. The moment he saw his lover enfolded in the big handsome football jock's arm's he turned and fled. He ran to the car, jumped in and peeled out of the student parking lot. When he came to a stop in the driveway, he turned off the engine and sat staring out the windshield ,the sight of Pete wrapped in Arlen's arms still branded on his brain..
He thought about how much he loved Pete, and if Pete wanted someone else........ 'Well, there was no way a puny little shit like me can compete with a big jock like Arlen.'
All of his life, as far back as he could remember, his father, a large man, had called him a puny little shit. Jason had come to eventually think of himself that way. The only thing big he'd been in his whole life was a disappointment to his father. Jason had been born premature at seven months. His mother's ill health hadn't let her carry him to term. She had been ill all his life and when he was thirteen she'd finally succumbed to the illness. His father always a drank too much, and though he wasn't physically abusive, he was very verbally so. Jason would never forget overhearing him tell his mother that the only thing that she had ever accomplished in her life was bearing a useless little runt.
Between the verbal abuse and his diminutive size Jason had little competitiveness when it came to big people like Arlen. And if Pete wanted Arlen over him then the only option Jason had was to move on.
He moved his stuff out of the upstairs nest into the old master bedroom. He'd start looking for a new place to live tomorrow. That was the only way he could see for keeping what little dignity he had.
When Pete realized he was kissing Arlen back, he pushed away from him.
"Don't. This is wrong."
Arlen was breathing heavy. "Why? We both wanted it."
"Arlen, I really like you, but I'm committed. I'm in love with Jason."
Arlen's face blanked of all emotion. "That little twit?"
"He's my lover, my mate and he's not a twit."
Pete watched Arlen's expression darken.
"You're a damned prickteaser, just like any other girl." Arlen snarled, stomped off, leaving Pete standing in a state of shock.
Pete watched him disappear around the corner, sighed, picked up his book bag and headed to the parking lot to meet Jason. He was feeling guilty for giving in to the kiss with Arlen. He knew he'd have to confess to Jason before he could feel easy about it. When he got to the parking lot and saw the car missing a sense of dread poured over his body.
He pulled our his cell phone and called Jason.
"What?" Jason answered.
"Where are you, Babe?"
" What do you care?"
"Jason? What's wrong?"
"Like you don't know."
"Look, if you need a ride ask Arlen." Jason cut the connection.
Pete redialed, and listened to it ring until the automated voice announced that the party wasn't available. He sighed and sat down on the edge of the sidewalk. He knew that Jason sometimes was released from his last class a few minutes early' and that on those days he always met him outside his classroom. Today must have been one of those days, and Jason had seen Arlen and him kissing.
He got up and started the cold trudge home. It was only three and a half blocks, but he didn't have a jacket on and the weather was turning grey and blustery. By the time he got to the house, he was thoroughly chilled. The car was in the drive way so he knew Jason was home.
He entered the front door expecting to be met by a blast of heat, but was disappointed. It was only around sixty degrees inside. He turned up the thermostat and went looking for Jason. The kitchen was dark and there was no food heating. He sighed and trudged up the stairs figuring that was where Jason would be.
The first thing he noticed when he got to the top of the stairs was the closet door was open and Jason's side was empty. He turned and scanned the room, Jason's drawers in the big mahogany chest were hanging open and empty. His heart dropped. The enlarged photo of the two of them lay on the floor. It was obvious that Jason had ground it under his heel. Pete dragged himself over to the bed and collapsed on it. Pulling the covers over himself, he stared at the ceiling trying to hold back the tears but, he lost the battle and let the sobs wrack his body.
Jason sat in the big winged back arm chair with his knees pulled up to his chest. He'd not cried. But he had pretty much worn himself out with his anger by the time he heard Pete open the front door. He listened to him trudge through the house into the kitchen, and then up the stairs to the big room that had been their bed room.
After several minutes of not hearing any noise, he silently slid out of the big chair and in his stocking feet he tiptoed in to the hall and listen. He could near no sounds so he entered the stairwell and crept up th stairs. He stopped when he got up far enough to see Pete rolled in the bedding. The sobbing tore at his heart, but the image of him kissing Arlen hardened it. He went back to the bedroom downstairs put on his shoes and a warm jacket and slipped out of the house.
He stood on the stoop and stared at the little white Honda. It had been his until this afternoon. Now he'd been displaced by that kiss. The car had been purchased with the money Dave had awarded Pete for saving his life. Everything was really Pete's. The house, the car, both of the computers. Everything that he'd thought of as theirs had been purchased with Pete's award money. What a fool he'd been. As he thought about it he felt like a prostitute. Pete had paid for everything. Even him.
Jason stepped down to the sidewalk and plodded down the street with no destination in mind, he just had to get away. Some how he ended up in front of Gates-Way Bookstore where Pete worked before the accident. He stared vacantly through the window not registering what he was seeing until his eyes touched on a book.
The author's name jumped off the cover at him. Jake Shipman. Jake had become like a big brother ,the only big person that Jason felt would not look down on him, before he and Jim had broken up and Jake dropped out of sight. Jason had his cell number in the phone's address book. He pulled the little jewel out of his pants pocket and found the number. He dialed it and waited.
Jake answered just as he thought the automated voice would inform him the party he was calling wasn't available.
"Yeah, who is this?"
"Hey buddy, what's wrong?"
"I need somebody to talk to. Can I come see you."
"You sound really down. I'm not in town, little buddy. But I'll talk to you all you want on this phone."
Jason sighed. "Pete and I broke up. I don't have any place to stay."
"He kicked you out of that big old house?"
"No. I could stay there, but it would be awful with him having his new boyfriend there."
"I can't imagine Pete with anyone but you."
"Yeah, well his new one is a big football jock."
"I can see how that would be most uncomfortable."
"I gave up my room in the dorm when Dave gave Pete that big house to live in."
"I tell you what, Jase. My apartment is just standing empty right now. Why don't you move in there until you get things straighten out?"
"You mean it, Jake?"
"Anything for my little buddy."
Jake gave Jason instructions on how to get a key. And without going back for any clothes, his books or anything he went directly to Jake's. He stripped off his clothes crawled into Jake's big bed and dozed off and on, waking and wondering where and how Pete was. Some time during the night his cell phone rang, waking his only enough to mutter a curse before slipping back into his uneasy sleep.
Pete woke about nine that evening. The house was deathly quiet. He slid off he bed and stood up. He wandered down stairs wondering where Jason was. When he opened the master bedroom doors he saw that all of Jason's belongings had been moved down into that closet. He knew then that Jason had seen the kiss. His chest ached with regret. He felt he should be angry with Arlen, but all he really felt was disappointment in him.
Wandering listlessly into the kitchen he wondered where Jason was. They didn't really have any close friends that he could run to. He pictured his little lover huddled in coffee shop or a café and thought about going to look for him. God damn this cast. He couldn't drive his car with his arm in the air.
He stepped out the front door and saw Jason's car sitting in the driveway. Maybe Jason was in the house. He stepped back in and called out. Silence answered. Going into the hallway he bellowed, "Jason. Please answer me." Silence again.
He shambled into the livingroom and crumpled into a chair. His eyes burned, and his head hurt, but not as much as heart. As he wondered what to do he thought about Arlen. Maybe he'd gotten over being miffed by Pete's rejection. Maybe he'd help him look for Jason. He looked up his number in the student directory and called him.
"Arlen, it's Pete."
"What do you want? I'm studying."
"Jason saw us."
"Yeah? So what? It was just a kiss. What do you want me to do about it."
"So? What's that to me?"
Pete thought a moment. "I thought you were my friend. I apologize for disturbing you. You really had me fooled into believing you're more that a football jock."
He disconnected feeling lower still.
It dawned on him as he slumped back into the chair that Jason always carried his cell phone. He quickly dialed it and listened to it ring. He disconnected and redialed and listened to it ring some more. With every ring his spirits sank a little.
Pete's words stung. But they made Arlen think about what he had done and how badly he'd reacted when Pete didn't give in to his desires. He'd definitely acted like a jerk, blaming Pete for his own feelings and actions. Although, Arlen had been feeling he would like to know Pete in a more intimate way, he realized he wanted him as a friend even more. He decided an apology was in order, but his roommate had come in before he could call Pete back. The thing to do, he decided, was to get up early and go over and apologize in person and volunteer to help Pete look for Jason.
Jason awoke before the dawn. Laying in the dark he collected his thoughts after remembering where he was and why he wasn't snuggled up to Pete. He felt bad about the way he'd reacted. He'd not given Pete any quarter for what had happened. He didn't know whether it had gone beyond just a kiss. He didn't know if Pete would even see that guy again.
'But then, he thought, Pete hasn't even tried to find or contact me'. Jason hadn't stopped to consider that he'd left his car in the driveway or that he was hidden away in Jake's apartment where Pete couldn't find him. He'd forgotten about the phone ringing in the middle of the night.
He got up, washed his face and wandered into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he discovered that it was bare except for a bottle of Heinz Catsup and several cans of Bud. He searched the cabinets for coffee grounds and found a small bag of stale gourmet roast. After smelling it, he threw it in the trash. He'd just have to get a cup on the way home. If he left now he'd have a chance to talk to Pete before he left for class. He grabbed his jacket, locked the door and headed across the campus.
The morning was chilly. He pulled the collar up around his neck and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and headed toward a hot cup of brew. In the middle of the quad he heard someone call his name. He ducked his head and hurried on. A few moments later he heard someone running up behind him. He whirled ready to go down fighting.
"Jason, I thought that was you. What are you doing out so early. You and Pete should still be snuggled and cozy."
It was Dave Gates and his partner out for a morning jog. Jason relaxed. "I'm just out for a walk."
Dave could see from Jason's forlorn expression it was much more than that. "Is there trouble in paradise?" he asked.
Jason's shoulders sagged. He nodded and looked away.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Jason shook his head.
"Well, you know where we live. If you need anything just come on up," Dave said.
"Keep your head up, Jase, Pete loves you. You know that," Joe said.
"Thanks, Guys." Jason gave them a semblance of a smile, turned and trudged on toward the coffee shop.
Once he got a large cup of good strong American coffee he headed the four blocks on home. As he rounded the corner he saw a red Mustang parked behind his car in the driveway. He froze.
Arlen was always an early riser. Usually at six in the morning he was tying his running shoes in preparation for a morning jog. This morning he dress in regular clothes, hopped into his Mustang and headed over to Pete's. He's called Pete to see if Jason had come back or if he'd found where he'd gone. Pete in a haze forgot for the moment what the last words the he and Arlen had had yesterday, and just accepted the fact that he would soon be over to help search for Jason. Arlen figured he would do his apologizing when he knew Pete was fully awake.
Pete had fallen asleep in the big Barcalounger and had spent the night there. He'd had a miserable night, but he could see no reason to go to bed. It was bad enough sleeping with the damned cast, but without Jason in bed beside him, and the fact that there was no way to get the oversized sweat shirt off, he could see no reason to go through the trouble.
Arlen's call had roused him enough to let him realize his bladder was near bursting. He tried to bring the chair upright. He hadn't realized Jason was always there to give the extra boost so he could get out of the chair. Alone, it was impossible with the weight of the cast.
He tried rolling over the arm. That didn't work. And then he thought about the dynamics of what the position of his weight in the chair did. He slid his butt to the front edge of the seat which lowered the weight of his torso and cast on the chair back. He was dumped onto the floor as the chair folded into an upright position. He sat there stunned for a minute and then struggled to turn over, get to his knees and stand up.
He went into the bathroom and then shucked his sweat pants, shoes and socks. Filling the sink with warm water, he proceeded to wash himself. The washing he found pretty easy, but the drying wasn't, managing the large bath towel was difficult. It was so much more simple to just stand with his legs spread and let his lover do it all for him.
For a moment he wondered if Arlen would do the things for him that Jason seemed to take such pleasure in. He shunned the thought. God, he missed his beautiful little guy with his bright sparkling blue eyes, and that shock of shiny raven black hair always hanging over his forehead. And his shy smile, Pete felt that he would shrivel and die if he couldn't get that smile back into his life.
Pete manage with little trouble to pull on a pair of sweat pants. He attempted to pull a sock onto his foot with one hand without falling over. How he hated this helplessness. He threw the sock down and slipped his feet into his trainers leaving them untied. He stood and looked in the mirror. An unkempt slob looked back at him. Grimacing in disgust he went back to the bathroom to comb his unwashed hair. He wished that he could rubbed the deodorant stick under his arm but of course that was impossible
Jim would do it all for him he knew, if he waited until eight, but Arlen would be there in a few minutes to pick him up to begin his search for Jason. Jason. Never in his life did Pete regret anything like he did that kiss yesterday. The stinging words that Arlen had slapped him with as he broke away from him stung again as he recalled the event.
The doorbell rang. Arlen was met with a hard glare when Pete opened the door. Arlen looked contrite. "Looks like you woke up."
Pete continued to glare.
"Pete, I apologize. It was a shitty jock attitude I pulled on you yesterday. And last night too. I really would like to be friends with you. I promise to behave myself and respect your relationship with Jason. Let me help you find him. It's the least I can do, since it's my fault he's gone. Please?"
Pete's expression relaxed. "Come on in, you big lunk."
For the next fifteen minutes Arlen grilled Pete about where he might have gone and got nowhere. He sat and thought a minute. I've got an idea. Let's get the whole campus and neighbor hood to look for him.
At that moment, Jason saw the front door open and Arlen step out carrying Pete's book bag. As Pete followed and turned to lock the door, Jason panicked. He didn't want them to see him. Looking around, frantic to find a place to hide, he ducked and ran behind the neighbor's hedge and crouched down.
He watched Arlen open the Mustang's passenger door and help Pete settle into the seat. Tears filled Jason's eyes at the intimacy of the act. Not for a moment did he stop to consider that it was just the caring actions of a friend. As they drove away he stood and watched the car disappear around the corner. He shuffled into the house thoroughly depressed.
He loaded the computer that Pete had bought for him, because he couldn't do without one in his class work. Next all of his clothes, even though Pete's reward money had paid for some of them, they were personal enough that he didn't feel wrong in taking them. But when he came to the new leather Jacket He looked at it and put it back on the rack. After gathering all of his personal items and school stuff and putting it in the car, he drove to Jake's apartment and carried it all inside.
He sat down at the dinette table and composed a note. He then took the car back over to the house and parked in front of the garage. Dropped the house and car keys into an envelope and slipped it through the mail box and trudged back toward Jake's.
As he approached the corner where the coffee shop stood he saw a red Mustang coming a block up the street. He ducked into the coffee shop and went into the restroom and locked himself in the toilet stall. He sat on the toilet until his legs started going to sleep. 'Surely,' he thought, 'if they stopped for coffee they'd had time enough to get it drink it and leave.' He left the restroom bought a cup of coffee and started out the door. He stopped in shock.
Taped to the window next to the door was a printed poster photo of him offering a reward to anyone who could give certifiable information on the whereabouts of Jason Warren. He hurried out of the shop and across the campus as fast as he could without running. He kept his head down, he didn't want to bring any attention to himself. Between the coffee shop and Jake's apartment he passed seven posters. No one seemed to notice him, but then most people never did.
It was past eleven by then and he hadn't eaten anything all morning. Two cups of coffee weren't doing it. Fine's Market was the nearest, but it was back across campus. He was going to have to starve until dark. He occupied his time with setting up his computer in Jake's office, hanging all his clothes in the other guest bedroom and doing yesterday's homework.
Joe and Dave continued on their run, discussing Jason and Pete, wondering what their fight could be about. When they got home they showered and Joe dressed like a construction worker. It had been a while since Dave had seen him do that. Usually Joe dressed in a suit and tie since he was dealing with business men potentially interested in leasing offices in his new tower. He turned from the mirror when he saw Dave's reflection beside him. Dave took his hand and opened it palm up.
"Are you going to read my palm?" he asked.
"No, just checking the callouses. They're almost gone. It's been months since you got out and worked along side your men."
"I know and I've missed it."
"Wear some gloves. You don't need to be getting any blisters."
Joe grinned, loving the concern. "I will, Mommy. I promise I'll be a good boy," he said in a little boy voice.
Dave grinned back. "Fuck you, you smart-ass Italian hunk."
"Do you really think I'm a hunk, Dave?" Joe's voice was grave
Dave searched his eyes. "You know I do. Where is this insecurity coming from?"
"I don't know. It just popped out." Joe pulled away and walked across the bedroom to pickup his wallet and keys. "Maybe seeing Jason this morning. He and I are kind of in the same boat, you know."
"No, I don't know. What are you saying?"
"You and Pete are the ones with the big money in the respective relationships. I think that I would be feeling like Jason looked if we ever had a serious fight."
"Joe, every bit of the Way Fortune is legally yours. If it were possible, you could go out right now and spend every red cent of if without having to confer with me. Don't you understand that?"
"Of course, I do. But do you think I would touch a cent of it if you were to leave me?"
Dave stared at Joe, opened mouth. The thought of anything ever happening to separate him from Joe devastated him. He shook his head and stared some more. How could he think that he'd ever leave him? He shook his head again and turned on his heel and left the room.
Joe mentally kicked himself in the head. 'What the fuck did I just do?' he screamed silently at himself. He ran after Dave and found him sitting at the kitchen table. He pulled him up and embraced him.
"I don't believe you'd ever leave me unless I did something monstrously horrible to forced you to."
Dave didn't move his head from Joe's chest for several moments while his mind processed and the he pushed back and looked Joe is the eyes. Everything was okay, still on an even keel. He grinned as he looked up at Joe."Conceited, aren't you?"
Joe grinned knowing everything was alright. "There' no conceit, Self-assured? Yeah. And the assurance of your love is even stronger. I love you so much Dave."
"I'm glad you know that I love you. Now no more doubts. And as for Jason, I still wonder what's happening."
Arlen took Pete directly to a Kinko's and paid for a hundred posters with Jason's photo on it, asking anyone to contact Pete's cell phone with any concrete information on his whereabouts. It offered a reward of five hundred dollars. Arlen got on his phone and recruited several of his buddies to help post the signs all over the campus and surrounding area. With in minutes Pete started getting calls. None of them substantial. They'd seen Jason but didn't know where he was now. When Pete got tired of fending calls Arlen took over. He would answer calls as they drove around. At one point they thought they saw him go into the coffee shop on the corner. They parked and went in. Jason wasn't to be seen and no one had seen him. Arlen even opened the restroom door, but saw no one inside. As they left he taped a poster on the window beside the door.
Pete suggested they just go back to the house and wait for someone to call with real information. Arlen conceded and they headed that direction. When they pulled into the driveway they noticed that Jason's car was parked all the way up in front of the garage. Hoping he was inside, Pete manage to get out of the car before Arlen could get around to help him.
He called aloud for Jason as he unlocked and opened the door. The responding silence slapped him in the face. He stepped on the envelope containing Jason's note and keys. Arlen scooped it up and handed it to him.
Dave walked over to the bookstore to see how Sue was doing. He missed his daily chats with her. On his way there he passed several posters pasted on poles and trees. The first few he ignored, but then Jason's photo caught his eye. He stopped to read. He pulled out his phone and called Joe.
"Joe, you won't believe what is going on here. There are Wanted posters pasted all over the campus offering five hundred dollars for Jason's whereabout."
"You're kidding. Who do you think did it?"
"I don't know. Pete most likely." Dave replied.
"Wonder why he'd do that."
"Desperation? Jason reminds me of a little jackrabbit. He's so skitterish."
"Well, I hope they get their problem straighten out. I like both of those kids, and they really seem to have been made for each other."
"Yeah, like you and me." Dave said.
"You got that right. Love ya, Babe."
Pete tore the envelope open with his teeth letting the keys fall out. Arlen retrieved them. Pete grasped the note and shook the envelope off of it. He read it with a little whimper.
I thought that what we had was forever.
I hope that your football jock will love you as much as I have and that he will give you the care that you're needing right now.
I'll always love you. That's why I've stepped out of the way, so you can be free to love him without me being an albatross around your neck.
His nerveless fingers let the note slip away and float to the floor. He let his head fall forward in defeat as he shuffled over to the Barcalounger and collapsed into it. He lay back with his eyes closed. Arlen, filled with trepidation, picked up the note and read it. "God, I am so sorry to have caused this, Pete. But it's obvious that Jason loves you. We just have to find him and make him listen to you."
Pete raised his eyebrows in agreement, but didn't open his pain filled eyes. Arlen collapsed on the sofa and they both dozed off, exhausted from the fruitless search.
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