Date: Tue, 02 Apr 2002 01:11:39 -0500
From: readersstop@netscape.net
Subject: TFAP Diary Notes - Pillow Talk 009 (LJB)(MM BB Bb 1st anal oral teen1b
     teen2b slow)(65/56)

This is the ninth set of diary entries, notes and discussions involving
characters and events introduced in the series "To Fulfill a Prophesy".  I
strongly suggest reading the series before these entries to allow
understanding of the characters and their relationship to each other.


TFAP Diary - 09 Pillow Talk

Thoughts from Dale
Saturday Night

Most of my time on the recent flight returning Dean and Ted home was spent
thinking about Jason and my relationship with him.  I think seeing what
happened to Dean and Ted, their being placed in jeopardy with Dean
kidnapped and Ted injured, made me stop and realize how I would feel if
anything were to happen to Jason.  In part, I reflected on his feelings
when I was shot and killed, virtually in front of him and how I would
manage if anything were to happened to him.

The one truth which came crystal clear to me while thinking all this over,
was that Jason is the most important element of my life and without him,
life would have very little meaning for me.  I don't nearly often enough
tell him how important he is to me and what a wonderful difference he has
made in my life.  It is because of him I have come to experience and
appreciate what true love can be.  I determined on that airplane trip, I
would make a continuing effort to see he is always aware of how much he
means to me and how important he is.

Shortly after arriving home, I had an opportunity to express myself to
Jason.  I believe the kiss we shared conveyed my true feelings for him, but
I made certain to also verbalize my love and devotion.  I thought at the
time, `Isn't this basic in a relationship.  A meaningful kiss and a
declaration of `I love you.' and both of us feel a renewal of our close
commitment.'  It also didn't hurt in a `wait `til I get you in bed tonight'
atmosphere.  When we actually got to bed, I don't know if it was the
absence of two nights, or the heart felt declaration of love, or the
anticipation through the day, but it was beyond anything I can remembering
experiencing, even with Jason.  We have truly merged as one, experiencing
shared euphoric release as we celebrate our shared covenant of love.

I surprise myself with these thoughts sometimes.  Two years ago, sex was
something all together different for me.  It was the doing of the act which
held importance to me.  Power and control provided the high point.  The
physical release signified only the end of a successful staging of
characters and fantasy in an erotic framework.  And now sex is an important
part in expressing my complete dedication to my partner, but only a single
part in maintaining a relationship with the man who means everything in the
world to me.

Tonight we have succeeded in uniting ourselves as one joined unit of
loving.  The exhilaration we each experienced warranted the energy we
expended in making this celebration a reality.  Jason and I lay tangled
together, our limbs interwoven, our bodies recovering from the exercise we
had demanded of them and our minds floating in the peaceful bliss state
between climax and full consciousness.  I was again exploring my feelings
for Jason.

Without warning, Jason suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, causing my mind to
snap back to the reality of the moment.  Anticipating he had perceived
something to be amiss, I leapt from our bed, reaching beneath my pillow as
I moved to recover my weapon and drawing it from its holster container as
my feet hit the floor.  I stood crouched without moving and waited for some
indication of the problem Jason had determined.  He slowly turned his head
and looking at me started to laugh.

"What the fuck is going on ?"  I demanded.

"I'm sorry, Dale."  he apologized with a big smile on his face.  "I just
had one of those half dream, half idea moments when you're somewhere
between awake and asleep.  I didn't mean to startle you."

"Well, you just about scared the shit out of me."  I grumbled as I
holstered my weapon and crawled back into bed.  "Talk about your mood
killer."

"Come over here," he beckoned, "and let me show you how sorry I am for
startling you like that."  I slid over toward his open arms and let him
show me we had nothing to be concerned about.


Jason's thoughts.
Saturday might.

Dale has finally drifted off to sleep, but I continue to lay here thinking
about my revelation.  What am I going to do with this bit of startling
recovered memory.

If I tell Dale, he is going to become very suspicious and demand to know
what has been going on.  It will not be enough for him to accept that my
recollection may be warped.  My mind may be combining a bit of imagination
with a bit of defective memory.  Yet, I am certain.  The cab driver who
directed me to that SM bath a couple years ago was Ted.  The question I
need to answer is `Why ?'.  What is significant about that ?  How would
something like this ever have happened ?

I find my mind wandering, questioning if a conspiracy was, or is underway.
If that were true, then to what end would such a thing be plotted.  The
result of that night was Dale rescuing me and our discovery of each other.
That of course led to our relationship, but how and why would that have
ended up leading us here ?


Anson
Saturday night

Last night, Digger and I made passionate love into the early hours.  Any
absence from each other seemed to necessitate our reclaiming possession of
the other's body.  It really made going away worthwhile.

Tonight, Digger had dominated our love making and I had loved it.  Giving
myself over to his total control, knowing I was loved and safe were the
most secure feelings I have ever experienced.  He could be very exacting in
his requirements from me, but it served to heighten my desire to belong to
him and was very fulfilling when I met his demanded expectations.  There
was no question for either of us that the roles we chose in our
relationship suited both of us perfectly.

Digger had just finished guiding me through my second climax of the night
and he lay atop my supine body slowly returning from his own orgasm.  He
nuzzled my neck and lightly licked my ear.

"Digger.  Do you remember when I asked you if you would allow me to fuck
you?"  I asked him softly.

"Uh."  he grunted after a slight pause.

"You told me then you had only ever allowed one man in your ass."  I said.

"Uh."  he grunted again which I took as confirmation.

"You never did confirm my belief it was Ted."  I commented further.  Digger
didn't move or say anything for the longest time.  He finally raised his
head and supporting his upper body on his elbows, looked deeply into my
eyes.

"What is it Pup, you feel the need of a bedtime story tonight?"  he
whispered to me as if he were telling a ghost tale.  He started to withdraw
his still firm erection from me, so he could roll to the side, but I held
him tightly and shook my head.

"Stay in me."  I requested.  He pushed back into me tightly and I lifted my
head to kiss him lightly.  He then began his story.

"I don't think there are many who know this story.  Ted, likely Dean, maybe
Mr. Chen.  You already know what I've told you previously about meeting
Ted.  You knew I was in the Military Police, Shore Patrol in the Australian
Navy.  I was off duty and a little drunk one night.  I had this bad, bad
habit of picking fights with the biggest guy in a place.  I had a black
belt, so I was pretty cocky and when I had too much to drink, my ethics use
to disappear.  One night, Ted was the biggest guy and I picked a fight.  He
wouldn't fight me and it just made me madder and meaner.  I made the first
move and he held me off with defensive counter moves for quite awhile.  I
was in such a fit of anger, I tried to fight dirty.  That finally offended
his ethics and he wiped the place up with me.  He taught me humility and
I'll never forget it.  As you know, I still drink socially, occasionally,
but I have never gotten drunk since."

He shifted his weight around slightly so that both of us had a change of
the pressure exerted on our bodies.  While doing so, he quite purposefully
began to stroke his again rigid cock in my butt and so doing raked across
my prostate, sending ripples of pleasure throughout my body.

"That's not the story I asked about."  I told him, smiling at the
pleasurable feelings he was creating.

"In fact it is."  he replied, stopping his movements and again looking into
my eyes.  "It's the first part.  The second part is what's not generally
known.  When I say he wiped the place up with me and taught me a lesson in
humility, I don't normally tell the details.

In those days I was a 24 year old guy, trying to prove to myself I was a
heterosexual stud by spending all my off duty time drinking, fighting and
womanizing.  I slept with prostitutes and sluts, because no decent,
self-respecting female would have anything to do with me.  I was abrasive,
self-centered and uncaring.  I don't know how, but Ted knew instinctively
who and what I was.  He also saw something in me which he thought was worth
saving.  I guess after he had finished with me in the bar, I was a pile of
shit on the floor which no one wanted anything to do with.  The mates I had
come in with even got up and left me where I was.  I was told later, Ted
eventually picked me up, slung me over his shoulder and took me with him
when he left.

I barely remember laying in a bath tub, being hit with a spray of cold
water and Ted standing over me.  The next thing I remember is waking up
naked in a king sized bed in some hotel room.  As my head cleared a bit I
realized I was laying next to this huge man.  The first thought that came
to my mind was that the guy beside me was beautiful.  He had to be the most
handsome man I had ever seen.  Slowly it dawned on me, this was the bloke
who bested me last night.  I tried to move and discovered every muscle in
my body was screaming at me.  I was in really good physical condition, but
the workout he gave me had exercised and strained my entire body.

"I'll bet you're really sore."  A voice commented and I realized for the
first time he was awake and looking at me.

"Yeah."  I acknowledged his comment.  "I don't think I can move my right
arm.  It may be broken."

"Nothings broken."  he stated.  "Everything was just bent a little.  Just
relax and I'll fix you up in a minute."  He rolled out of the bed and
walked into the bathroom.  I heard the sounds of him peeing into the toilet
and then water running into the sink.  When he came back out, he had a
couple wet towels and a couple dry towels.

Looking at this man's body was an experience the like of which I'd never
had.  He was large and tall.  His almost white hair was sharply contrasted
with his tanned body.  His broad, firm chest had a nice mat of soft hair
layered across it, but his hard abdomen was totally hairless.  A 5" flaccid
cock dangled below a thick, bushy mound of blonde pubic hair.  I had always
been interested by other men's bodies and this was one of the finest I had
ever seen.

When he reached the side of the bed, he stooped down and drew the sheets
back off me.  I had nothing to be ashamed about in the equipment
department, but I felt a moment of......I guess inferiority as I compared
myself with this man.  It was not a feeling I remembered ever experiencing
before.  He placed a wet towel, which was very hot, on my right shoulder
and folding the dry towel, placed it over the hot one to contain the heat.
As he told me to hold the towels in place, he grasped my left wrist and
brought my hand up in place to do so.

I still don't know how, but somehow he reached under my left leg and
grasping my right thigh, he reached under my neck, held the hand he had
just placed on my shoulder and flipped me over onto my stomach as smoothly
as if I had floated there.  He then took the second hot towel and placed it
on the back of my shoulder and covered it with a dry one, so my shoulder
was now sandwiched in heat.  He reached under my neck and guided my left
arm back down to my side.

"Relax."  he commanded and I responded to the order without hesitation.
This was a totally different experience for me.  Another man was in charge
and I was obeying his instructions without question.  There was no threat
here, in fact I found I wanted to follow his direction.  As I thought about
this I realized my cock was hard and had been since I started watching this
man move about the room.  While I contemplated, Ted had gone over to his
suitcase and returned to the side of the bed with a bottle.  He poured some
into his hand and putting the bottle down, rubbed his hands together
slowly.  He then swung his leg onto the bed and positioned himself so he
was kneeling over me and then sitting on the backs of my thighs.

Before I could comment, he placed his hands on my low back and massaged
upward.  Those hands are absolutely huge.  The feeling was a mixture of
mild pain from my aching muscles and absolute ecstasy from the nerves which
were being alternately stimulated and soothed.  Very shortly the muscle
ache disappeared and the ecstasy prevailed.  The massage was slow and
thorough.  I was so relaxed I am sure a dozed off and on as he soothed my
back, legs and feet.  He then removed the wet heat and soothingly massaged
my shoulders.  As he stroked my shoulders I felt his cock sliding smoothly
along my butt crack, up and down, mimicking the movement of his hands on my
shoulders.

I climaxed.  I felt my hard cock spewing forth between the sheets and my
belly.  Nothing, but the rhythm of the massage and the sensation of his
cock sliding along my butt crack and I had climaxed.  Somehow he knew and
without pausing, spoke to me.

"Just relax.  There'll be more."

His stroke moved down to my butt and he applied more oil to his hands,
dribbling some along my crack.  Like everywhere else he touched, the
sensations were remarkable.  He told me to move my legs to the sides and he
moved between them, so his massage now reached my inner thighs and the area
between my legs.  No one had ever touched me in these locations.  None of
the women, no one.  This man was now more intimate with me than anyone else
on earth and for some unknown reason, I loved knowing that was so.  His
stroke moved back to my butt and his thumbs dipped into my crease and
separated the halves, exposing me fully.  The sensations as his thumbs slid
smoothly over my anus were causing my expended cock to revitalize.

I found myself lifting my butt, hoping he would touch me again.  He brought
a finger to my wrinkled muscle and slowly rubbed it in small circular
motions.  The groans coming from me were made without any conscious effort
on my part and I pushed back against his finger.  Eventually he applied a
little pressure and his finger ever so slowly entered me with no pain or
discomfort.  I thought about this.  Had I previously wanted my butt invaded
?  Had the potential of pain and discomfort made me hesitate or reject the
thought ?  Why would I now allow this man, this stranger, to become so
intimate with me ?  Is it that I considered him superior ?  Could I accept
this from him and no other because he had proven he could take it if he
wanted, whether I objected or not ?

While I had been thinking he had continued his task.  I realized a second
finger had entered me and I was gently being stretched and opened.

"You're going to take me, fuck me, aren't you ?"

"It's what you want Digger.  It's what you need to face yourself and allow
yourself to experience the real feelings you have to acknowledge."

"You're doing this to liberate me, not possess me ?"  I questioned.

"You are your own man, Digger and you always will be."  I realized while we
had been talking a third finger had entered me without any discomfort and
was now sliding deep into my open tunnel.  Suddenly the universe blinked.
I shuddered, my breathing became shallow and lights flashed throughout my
brain.  Ted had stroked my prostate and this here to now never manually
stimulated organ had altered my normal world.  He must have been able to
tell from my reaction that I was very sensitive to this stimulation."

"Why have you never said anything to me about this ?"  I wanted to know,
interrupting Digger's story.  He looked away from me and bowed his head
slightly.  I was astounded.  Digger was embarrassed.  My ultra masculine
man, who handled my body in every way possible, was embarrassed about
someone, even me, knowing digital stimulation to his prostate would enhance
his pleasure.  I guess we all have some dark secrets which we never
willingly give up.

"Do you want me to finish the story, or are we going to go on to other
things ?"  he asked.  As he had been telling me the story, he had
occasionally withdrawn partially from the sheath holding his shaft and then
smoothly slid it back into place.  Each time he had grazed my prostate and
brought shivers through my body.  He did so again to emphasis his question.

"No, tell me the rest."  I pleaded.  He returned his gaze to lock with my
eyes before he started to speak.

"He was steady and patient.  When the massive head of his cock pushed
through my relaxed muscle ring he paused and allowed the muscular spasm to
end.  Then he slowly slid the full 8.5 inches into me.  The feeling of
being filled was unique and slightly uncomfortable.  Again he waited
patiently so I adjusted completely to his size.  Then he started.  He
pulled out and pushed in.  Long steady strokes at first without any
variation, but to me more and more soothing and then more and more
stimulating.

As I relaxed more and started to go with the sensations, he sped up
slightly and brushed against my prostate.  Well from that point on it just
kept getting better and better.  Within moments I climaxed for the second
time and soared to a new height of reverie I had never before attained.
When my senses collected, I realized Ted had continued the steady stroking
which he had originally established and was capable and prepared to
maintain a continuing chain of climaxes for me.  Over the course of the
next 40 minutes, Ted skillfully used my extra sensitive prostate and I went
over the edge four more times and had to beg him to end it.

He turned me over onto my back the final time and we soared together while
kissing deeply.  Of course, I was long past being able to ejaculate anymore
and had a dry climax, but it was none the less one of the most powerful
orgasms of the night.  We lay together afterward, me deep in thought and
Ted allowing me the space I required to sort out my feelings.

"You were wrong."  I finally said to him.

"In what way ?"  he inquired.

"You do now possess me," I certified, "and I will always belong to you."

"You are still your own man, Digger."  he advised.  "Having a permanent
bond to me will not make you any less than you have always been.  I am
hopeful you will allow it to make you reach for the goals you are capable
of attaining."

I found later that I had changed.  I had changed because of him defeating
me and I had changed because I now knew not only that he possessed a part
of me, but I had gained a part of him.  That chain has continued with you,
Anson.  In allowing me to possess you and in turn having a part of me, you
have also inherited my connection to Ted.  It is because of this chain that
I decided to share this story with you."

The story was over and the slight movements which Digger had been making in
me during the telling had become a steady thrusting which had fired my
passions.  He leaned down and kissed me as he withdrew and slid repeatedly
through my hot, burning tunnel.  He shifted position and began to rake my
magic button which brought me to an instant boil and then made me explode
at the same time I felt Digger flush the fever from me with his own
bursting climax.  Later as we cuddled together I thought to myself I must
remember to talk to Digger and seek permission to provide stimulation to
his prostate in one of our future nights of passion.


Eric's thoughts
Saturday night

Friday night had been a semi-disaster.  Rooming with Jackson was going to
be more of a job and commitment than I had anticipated.  I had no real
grasp just how totally out of place Jackson was in almost any environment
and if nothing else, the events of last night gave me some much needed
insight.

It seems easy to imagine how strange everything must seem to Jackson when
you see him out in a group trying to take in all the sights and sounds and
activities.  But put yourself in his place.  Everything is new and totally
strange.  Not only does he not understand what is happening around him, he
does not understand his role in any of it.  Only through the careful
guidance of those around him does he have any idea of what to do, how to
act, how to react, or the meaning of anything which he encounters.

The only time Jackson is more lost than when he is in a group is when he is
trying to interact one on one.  He is trying so hard to be part of his new
family that he is losing who he was, without knowing who or what he is
becoming.

This came to a head and became crystal clear to me when we left the group
and went to our room last night.  Shortly after we entered our room, I
stripped off my shirt and shoes and socks.  I was in the bathroom brushing
my teeth and washing up before bed, Jackson called out to me.

"Eric."

"Yeah, Jackson."

"What are we gonna do now ?"  I looked around the door frame and saw him
sitting on the side of the bed.

"It's time for sleep, Jackson" I responded.  "I'm getting ready for bed
now."  I glanced around again and noted that he continued to sit.  "Are you
going to come to bed ?"  I asked.

"I don't know what ta do, Eric."  he replied.  I came out of the bathroom
and saw he appeared very distraught.

"What do you mean, Jackson ?"  I questioned.  He hesitated, but then it
seemed he made a decision.

"Ya tol' me we was friends and roommates," Jackson said, "and I can talk ta
ya `bout anythin'."  I nodded to indicate what he said was correct.  "I ban
thinkin' I should maybe go back to the homestead to live."

"That would mean you'd be totally alone, Jackson."  I commented.  "That
would be mighty lonely, don't you think ?"

"At least I wouldn't be so out of place."  he responded.  "I don't belong
here.  I don't really belong nowheres."

"I can see you're hurting, Jackson and I feel really bad about it."  I
reached over and rubbed his shoulder.  "Can you tell me more about why you
feel you don't belong. ?"  He looked at me and the anguish in his face was
clear.  I had the idea that he really didn't know how to express his
feelings.  I went over to the phone and dialed the number Dean had given me
to reach him.  When he answered, I explained the situation to him as best I
could.  Within five minutes Dean and Ted arrived at our door and they
brought Jamie with them.  I wasn't sure about what was going to happen.

"You know our boys can do special things."  Ted stated to me and I nodded.
"Well, Jamie is here to help us straighten out what is really happening to
Jackson."  Dean sat on the other side of the bed.  Ted and Jamie sat in
nearby chairs.  Dean talked with Jackson for awhile about the things which
were upsetting him.  Jackson tried to tell us how he felt, but he had
trouble finding the words to describe his feelings.

"I think I can help."  Jamie said after a few minutes.  "Jackson is lost.
He has no point of reference which he can establish as the basic structure
for his referral system.  At home he had the homestead, the forest, the
stream, the vegetable garden, all as important reference sources for his
life.  Here he has only the cemetery and this room.  His disorientation is
not limited to physical environment though.  He is also lost in his points
of reference regarding how to act.  He is doing things, washing, eating,
using the bathroom, sitting with people, without understanding the actual
how and why.  In the hotel Dad, Jackson got ready for bed and did just what
you expected, right ?"

Dean confirmed the statement.

"But you see, that wasn't what Jackson knew about going to bed.  He just
did exactly what you did.  He mimicked you as best he understood.  He used
the toilet, brushed his teeth, washed his hands, put on pajamas and climbed
into bed, just exactly the way he saw you do it.  Normally, Jackson would
have stoked the fire, stepped out on the porch and had a pee, made sure the
door was secure when he came in, put some lard on a dish and gone to bed.
Putting pajamas on was as foreign to him as it was to you, but he did it
because you did it.  When you suggested to him he have a shower, it took
him an hour to figure out what to do."

"Jackson, I am so sorry that I made things more difficult for you."  Dean
said, reaching over and hugging the younger man.

"It weren't your fault, Dean," Jackson replied, "I'm jus' dumb `bout how to
do things."

"No your not, Jackson."  Ted immediately corrected him.  "Not knowing
something doesn't mean someone is dumb.  It just means you haven't been
shown properly and that's our fault."

"T'aint nuns fault then."  Jackson replied.  "Yous all been so good t'me
`bout everythin', t'aint nuns fault."

I was still trying to fathom how Jamie had unwrapped this muddle in such
short order.  It's like he's a bloody mind reader I mused to myself.  Just
then Jamie's eye caught mine and he grinned at me and winked.  A chill ran
through me as I speculated if my thoughts and his action were connected.

A quick plan was formed and I agreed to stay really close to Jackson for
the next few days and explain everything to him that I could.  He agreed to
ask me questions about anything he did not understand, or was unsure about.
When all was settled, Ted and Dean stood to leave our room.

"We all done Jamie ?"  Dean asked his son.

"Yeah, Dad."  the boy responded.  "I'm just going to stay and talk with
Jackson and Uncle Eric for a little while."

"Well don't keep them up too long."  Dean said as he and Ted left.  "It's
been a long day and everyone is tired."

"Okay, Dad" he replied.  "Have a good night."  When they were gone Jamie
turned and looked at Jackson.  "Uncle Eric, Jackson has some questions he
needs to ask you before you go to bed and I need to be here to make sure
you understand clearly what he is asking.  Some of what he needs to know is
very personal and should likely be just between the two of you, so you will
have to trust that I will not say anything outside this room about it."

"I haven't known you very long, Jamie and I don't know you very well, but I
understand somethings about you and my other nephews and I trust all of
you."  I answered.  Jamie turned to Jackson and encouraged him to ask what
he wanted to know.

"Eric, my friend."  Jackson began.  "I need t'know if bein' roommates and
sleepin' together means the same here as it meant with my brother, Ethan."
I though about what he had said and decided I needed more information.

"Jackson, tell me what it meant with your brother."  I said.  Jackson sat
thinking for a minute.

"Although Jackson and Ethan never felt so," Jamie counseled, "their Pa
implied to them there was something inherently wrong with their
relationship and that they should never tell anyone about it."

"You mean that you were sex partners ?"  I asked Jackson.  Jackson reddened
considerably.

"It went beyond that."  Jamie stated.  It took me a minute to understand.

"You were lovers."  I said to Jackson.  "Your loss was not only your
brother, but also your lover."  Tears formed in Jackson's eyes.

"Ethan started with me when I was `bout 12."  Jackson told us.  "He didn't
never force me.  He didn't have to `cause I was already in love with him.
He was my idol.  He was everythin' I wanted to grow up to be.  Pa tried to
use me, but Ethan wouldn't allow it.  After Mama died, he went with Pa once
a month and he said I had to go with Pa once a month, but he wouldn't let
Pa hurt me and he always stayed right close by."

"And now you want to know if being roommates and friends with me, means we
will have a similar sexual relationship."  I restated the original
question.  Jackson looked at me with his soft, brown eyes and nodded
hesitantly.  "It depends, Jackson.  Friends do not automatically or even
usually have sexual relationships, although there is certainly no rule
against it.  You and Ethan had a relationship which you grew into over the
years.  As you say, there were 12 years before the sexual part of it began.
If over time we were to find that we both wanted to develop more than a
friendship, then we might possibly become lovers, or before that happened,
you might find someone else who you wanted to develop that type of
relationship with.  Only time will tell."

"Okay, I understan'."  Jackson said with a big smile on his face.  "What
`bout spurtin' ?  I wasn't sure what he meant.

"He wants to know about masturbation."  Jamie clarified.  "Where, when, he
knows how."  The boy got a big smile on his face.

"I don't understand."  I told them.  "Why would I need to make these
decisions for him ?"  Jamie frowned.

"You did not listen to what I said."  Jamie chastised me.  "Jackson does
not know the rules of our society.  At home he could jerk off anywhere, the
woods, the barn, the creek, anywhere.  He could even do it in front of his
Pa or Ethan.  He knew not to do it when his Mama was around.  Here, he
doesn't know the rules and he is asking you to clarify them.  He needs to
know from you what is right or wrong in our social setting."  I had no idea
when I suggested helping Jackson that it would turn out to be so
complicated, not that I wanted out, I just didn't realize.

""The best thing is to do it here in our room."  I instructed Jackson.  A
big smile spread over his face.  He leapt up off the bed and started to
unfasten his pants.  "What are you doing ?"  I asked him.

"He's doing what you said he could."  Jamie responded.  "It's been almost a
week since he's had any sex or relief.  He's been walking around hard for
almost twelve hours.  You said he could `spurt' in this room."  By this
time it was too late to say anything.  Jackson's pants and boxers were
around his ankles and he had laid back on the bed and was stroking what
must have been 7" of thick, uncut cock.  I didn't know what to do.

"Let him go, Uncle Eric."  Jamie advised me with a quiet patience which
seemed far beyond what his years should bring.  "You will have an
opportunity later to explain to him about who should see such things.  I'm
pleased to sense you are willing to hold him later.  He needs someone to
cling to, even if it's only for the next short while.  But then, you may
yet change your mind and decide to stay with us.  I hope so."  I wondered
about him knowing I had been thinking about leaving.

And so, that was the way our night went last night.  In the end, Jackson
got off, very vocally, we went through the before bed ritual and we climbed
into bed about one o'clock.  I remembered what Jamie had said and when I
offered to hold him, Jackson fairly bounced over to me and spooned tightly
against me.  We slept soundly the entire night like that.


Brian's turmoil
Saturday night.

"God, he is the most beautiful creature you ever created."  I thought a
silent prayer as I sat in bed, leaning against the headboard and looking
over at Davey who lay peacefully beside me.  "For whatever stroke of fate
which has determined to make him mine, I am eternally and totally
thankful."

I moved down in bed to stretch out behind him and spooned his magnificent
body tightly against me.  I stroked my hand from his shoulder, down his
arm, onto his hip, over his thigh and back up around the small portion of
his butt which was not pressed tightly into my groin.

When it had been decided I was to move to the `castle' because of the
change in my job, I was to be assigned my own residence.  When Davey and I
talked about it, we decided if we were destined to live the balance of our
lives together, there was no reason why we shouldn't begin now.  In the
end, I was never assigned a room, I just moved in with Davey.  That had
only happened a short time ago and as yet we had not spent many nights
together here.  The vacation cruise, this recent rescue mission, had both
been times one or both of us had been absent.

Now, however, it appeared we were in for a stretch of normalcy, if such a
thing existed around here and we were looking forward to having a routine
which included coming to our room and going to bed together on a nightly
basis.  I brushed my hand over his shoulder again, this time stroking
across his collar bone, down onto his chest, stopping to brush a nipple
which I discovered to be erect and hard, over his ribs, a touch on the
groin near his hip and back again to the small, exposed piece of butt.

I could feel the pressure in my groin as my dick tried to lengthen from its
restricted position, trapped between our two bodies.  It was instinctively
seeking relief and comfort by pushing out and up, attempting to slide
between the safe haven of Davey's two magnificent globes.  There just was
not enough room for it.  Everything was far too firm and tight.

"You realize if it can't get up, it's going to try to get in don't you ?"
Davey snickered.  "Do you have any idea what Dale is going to do to you if
it succeeds ?  I don't know how, but you can be certain he would know."

We were still under Dale's "no butt fucking" rule.  We continued to be free
to share each other in any other way, except for that one restriction.  The
funny thing about it is when we started off our sexual explorations, we
both had a distinct fear about intercourse.  I was afraid of hurting Davey
and he had a fear about the pain.  It's the only fear I am aware of him
having.  When he talked to Mr. Chen about it, he was told it was due to an
experience in a prior life.  But then, Mr. Chen believes we all had prior
lives.

Anyway, the funny part of it is, the longer we are denied permission to do
it, the more both of us want it.  I am willing to have Davey in me, but he
says he won't do that until he is ready to offer himself to me at the same
time.  At first, Dale's restriction provided us both with freedom from
having to deal with the issue, but now it is becoming more and more
repressive as we yearn to express our love fully to each other without
outside interference.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Bri."  Davey apologized as the concept of his teasing words
caused my potential spear to shrink to a broken twig.  He turned over to
face me.  "Can I ask you something really personal ?"

"There's nothing I wouldn't share with you.  You know that."  I replied.
He reached between us and gently grasped my shrunken violet.

"I know."  he replied.  "The fact that you would share doesn't always mean
you want to, or are even willing to.  I want to know if you are afraid of
Dale."  The question really surprised me.  I searched Davey's face to see
if there was a clue to what he was searching for.

 "I'm not asking about your masculinity, or testosterone level, I already
know they are fully in tact and functional."  he told me seriously, "I'm
asking about your judgment."  I stopped and thought for a moment.

"There is no one I know who I would rather have on my side than Dale."  I
finally responded.  "He is strong, resourceful, loyal, loving and
dedicated."  I stopped and thought for a moment.  "Yes, I have a respectful
fear of Dale.  He is capable of doing whatever is necessary.  I believe, if
Dean or Ted, Jason or one of you boys is involved, there is nothing that
could stop him."  I thought about what I had just said and it was my true
feeling.

"Good."  he responded.  After a moment he asked, "Would you follow any
order Dale gave you ?"

"Yes."  I responded immediately.  A look of concern crossed his face.

"You answered too quickly.  What if he ordered you to kill Denny, or me ?"
I was stunned.  I had never imagined the possibility of such an occurrence
and could not fathom it.  "You are the only Security Agent who has a
Guardian as a lover and partner.  Can you still obey Dale, no matter what
?"

"Davey, you are not a Guardian to me."  I answered.  "You are Davey, my
love, my lover and partner.  How could I make such a decision ?  It would
be impossible."

"Yes, I believe it would be."  he comforted me.  "That is why you must
decide it now, here, before any such situation is ever presented."  Tears
started to roll down my face.  "I'm sorry Brian, I know this is terribly
hard.  I can feel your anguish, but I have to know the answer your
conscience will allow."

"I would do it."  I admitted in a whisper.  Tears flooded my eyes.

"Now tell me why."  Davey demanded, seemingly not surprised by my
admission.

"I already told you."  I sobbed.  "Dale is capable of doing whatever is
necessary.  He is not malevolent, or vindictive.  If he ordered something
like that to happen, it would be necessary.  He cares for all of you so
much, it would destroy him, but he would do it, if it was
necessary...................................and so would I."

"Good."  he responded as he held me tightly to comfort me.  "Denny has had
a vision.  Someday, the Protector will give an order for one of us to die
and you will carry out that order.  It is destiny"


Dean and Ted
Saturday night

"Whew!  That's about all I can stand for now."  Ted gasped.

"Never let it be said that a good old 69 isn't an all purpose remedy when
you just don't have the energy for anything more."  Dean panted

"Anything more might just have put me back into the hospital."  Ted panted.
"I'm sorry you had to wait so long, Dean, but after everything yesterday I
just didn't have anything left.  I could have gotten one of the boys to
give me a boost before we came to bed though."

"No.  I think you're better to let nature take its course and heal
properly."  Dean replied.  "I don't mind waiting a day, week or year, as
long as I get you back."  He pushed himself around on the bed so they faced
each other and then shared a loving embrace and kiss.  "I love you, Ted
Tanner and I plan on having you share my bed and life for many, many years
to come.  I would wait for you forever if that's what it took."

"You know I share the same feeling, my love."  Ted answered.  They settled
into a quiet time, when they each shared with the other little thoughts
about anything which crossed their minds as they prepared for sleep.

"I hope things are going better for Jackson.  I feel so bad about what we
have put him through."  Dean commented.  "The poor guy, being so lost in
everything.  Thankfully Eric brought us into it when he realized and Jamie
was able to sort out what was happening."

"Feels a little strange turning to your 14 year old son to get things
straightened out, doesn't it ?  Imagine how I deal with an 8 year old
knowing what the end result will be before I even know there's a
situation."  Ted chuckled.  "Chen said something to me yesterday.  He
watched Denny sleeping and he said, `The giant has found some peace.'.  We
know Denny has many skills, but I'm starting to think we really don't know
how powerful he truly is."

"I can appreciate his power."  Dean replied.  "He sees the future, he can
remove the gifts of the other Guardians, he can cause someone to pee
whenever they tell a lie and he channels the power of the other Guardians,
just for starters."

"Yes, but he's not infallible."  Ted responded.  "He can't figure out who's
swiping the bananas on him, he couldn't tell Jackson's true nature on his
own and he can't harm me."

"That wouldn't have done us any good if he had decided to really go after
Jackson while you were unconscious, or in the hospital."  Dean mentioned.

"You need to always remember there is an ancient wisdom in him."  Ted
counseled.  "Chen says, he is the oldest of them all.  He believes, `the
fathers must be obeyed', so your influence on him is as strong as mine.
You just have to draw on his wisdom.  I am also certain neither Denny, nor
the Fourth Guardian would ever harm you."

"He came to see me this morning."  Dean announced.  "He apologized to me
for not adhering strictly to my wishes about Jackson and wanted to be sure
I didn't feel he had a `trust' issue with me.  I had the impression it was
a joint apology, from both Denny and the Fourth Guardian."

"It was.  He....They discussed it with me yesterday.  I wonder if Denny and
the Guardian will ever become just one force."  Ted pondered.  "They have
all referred several times to his 25th birthday as a culmination point for
his total powers.  Maybe that will be the point everything comes together.
We should ask Kevin.  He might know."

"Speaking of Kevin, it brings my mind around to less philosophical issues."
Dean mentioned.  "We missed enrolling the boys in their schools.  Is that
going to make a mess ?"

"Jason did it."  Ted told him.  "When he realized we weren't going to get
home, he collected all their school records from their files and went and
enrolled them.  He said doing Denny, Matthew and Gus in the grade school
was easy.  The high school boys were a little more involved as he had to
set up timetables for them and select subjects.  He knew pretty well what
they wanted and he made sure they could change subjects the first week.  At
this point, it's all done."

"I don't know about you, but I often underestimate Jason."  Dean commented.
"I think it's because he works so effectively behind the scenes, very much
like Chen, he doesn't always get the recognition he warrants.  He is
certainly one major asset to us and I imagine Dale must benefit
substantially from having Jason to back him up."

"He is one very intelligent and capable man."  Ted reaffirmed.  "We would
be wise to make sure his talents are used to their fullest, no matter what
work he is doing, but backing up Dale will always be his best success,
whether it's at work or at home."

"You and Chen did an outstanding job with them, Ted."  Dean praised.

"It isn't hard when you have such excellent men to work with."  Ted
responded.  "A little push here, a little shove there and before you know
it, they fulfill their potential.  And they have the added benefit of
gaining each other."

"If you're so good at this, how come it took 10 years for us to end up
together."  Dean demanded.

"It wouldn't have if you hadn't resisted."  Ted laughed.  "Now shut up and
go to sleep.  Tomorrow is Labour Day and the next day school starts.  Our
adventures have just begun."



A Note to Readers:

This will be the final set of story notes posted under the "Diary"
headings.

I have begun the next book, titled: The Guardians - Family Matters

As previously, I will not begin posting this book until I am nearly done
writing it.  I do not believe it is fair to keep readers waiting uncertain
periods of time between chapters once they have begun reading a story, so I
therefore want to be well ahead before offering it to you.

Thank you to all who have expressed their desire to keep The Guardians
alive and growing.  It is always very uplifting to hear how so many of you
relate to the individuals in this group and gain enjoyment in reading about
the inter-relationships they experience.

LJB