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Unexpected Reunion - Part 2
Growing up with divorced parents wasn't easy. Knowing your parents separated because your dad was gay was harder. Spending most of your young life watching your dad suffer silently over the fact he had no one in his life was the worst. For a while my sister and I had blamed ourselves for Dad's lack of a partner; we thought he was staying single to protect us from "gay life". When I was eleven, Dad met Josh and things got a lot better. I admit I had a crush on Josh at first. I didn't understand it at the time; I hadn't realized I was gay too. It wasn't until I was thirteen that I figured that out. Having Dad and Josh as examples of what gay men could be was a big help. They weren't swishy, effeminate or immoral. They were masculine, strong, honorable, loving, monogamous men. The hard part of figuring out I was gay was that I realized I was in love with my best friend.
Tony Bartoni was only a little over a year older than me, but he was two grades ahead of me in school. We didn't go to the same school. He went to a private catholic school in DC and I went to public school in Fairfax County, Virginia. We became friends about the time Josh and Dad got together and maintained our friendship despite the fact we only saw each other twice a week at Dad's martial arts school and one or two weekends out of the month. Tony was sixteen when his dad had to move back to New York to run the family business. It was just before his senior year of high school. I'd been secretly in love with Tony for over two years when they left. I was heart broken. Unrequited love sucked.
Josh had been the one to figure out how I'd felt about Tony. He'd told Dad his suspicions and Dad talked to me. I remember him holding me as I cried out my feelings of loss and guilt. Dad was the greatest. I didn't really know how great he was till I was almost seventeen. It was my junior year in High School and some friends and I were coming back from an away game. We never saw the other car. All I remembered was the sound of a horn, the bright glare of headlights, the sounds of metal twisting and glass shattering, the screams, and pain.
I woke up in the hospital in the dark. It was for nearly a week before I learned that the darkness would never go away. The glass from the passenger window had lacerated my face. I'd been staring in wide-eyed disbelief as the drunken driver slammed his car into us. Shattered glass had been the last thing my eyes ever saw. They were able to save the eyes but not my sight. At times I wished they'd ripped the damn things out and put in fakes. Josh was making enough at that point to support him and Dad without Dad's income. Dad quit his job and spent his time helping me put my life together. I still lived with Mom and my step-dad Jim; but I came to depend upon Dad. He was my hero, and I don't think I would have made it through without him.
I had kept in touch with Tony through email and AIM for the first year after he moved, and then our correspondence dwindled. He'd gone off to college and I was only a junior in high school. We had less and less to talk about. That wasn't the real reason we lost contact, but I'd made it clear I didn't want Tony to know about the accident. Dad had argued against that, but I was adamant. I wanted Tony to remember me the way I'd been, not what I'd become. He was busy with school and being an adult. I was a crippled kid. No one needed someone like me hanging around.
I went to a school for the blind for the rest of my junior year and my senior year of high school. Though I learned braille, how to use a cane, and had a seeing-eye dog, I was thankful for modern technology. Dad set my computer up with voice conversion software; I could read email online and still enjoy AIM, though it wasn't as much fun as it had been when it was silent. I also had one of those reading pens that allowed me to read printed pages by running the tip over the text. It was a pain to use but was the best I could do when a text or book was not available in braille. Jim got an offer he couldn't refuse in my senior year, and after much debate, Mom and Jim had me move in with Dad rather than take me out of school and force me to start over again.
I did summer courses after my junior and senior years of high school at our local community college. It gave me a good sense of independence as well as keeping me close to home. It also made me keenly aware of how much I missed my sight. I always missed it, but I could never see my friends. I could never notice a hot guy walking across campus. I missed all my chances to see the men behind the sexy voices I heard. Being a blind-gay man was horrible. I also knew I was disfigured.
Everyone in my family tried to tell me that I wasn't disfigured. That yes, my eyes were destroyed and I had scarring around them that was visible, but that my face itself had been fixed by the plastic surgeries after the accident. It didn't matter to me. I'd always been a guy who had a thing for eyes. That was why I'd had a crush on Josh; he had the most beautiful blue-green eyes. Tony had always had soulful brown eyes. Mine had been blue, like my mother's. Now they were milky and scarred, or so I'd been told. They say that, "the eyes were windows to the soul". My windows were shut, the curtains were drawn and no one would ever get to see my soul.
Those were the thoughts that occupied my mind from the accident on. They were fuel for my writing and I put everything I had into the written word. I'd never cared about writing before, but when your abilities of self expression were suddenly stripped from you, you learned to use of what you had left. In some ways it gave me something I'd never have discovered; I had a talent for writing. I won awards in high school and at my community college. I even got some literary scholarships.
That was how I got accepted into Burnell University; it was a liberal arts college known for crafting great writers. The fact that they were also known for being handicap student friendly was also a plus. It was the last place in the world I'd expected to hear a voice from the past.
I hated New York. I'd grown up in DC and I'd loved it. When we moved so that Dad could take over my grandfather's bakery/deli, I was devastated. I went from being a fairly popular, active junior to a "new student" senior in a school that was practically a prison. The worst part of the move was that I lost my best friend. I'd known Tommy since I was twelve. He was so cool. Not cool in the click, popularity shit kids go through in school. He was cool because he wasn't like anyone else I knew. He was small, blond, shy, yet incredibly smart and talented. Also, his dad was gay.
I'd met them just about the time I started realizing I liked boys more than girls. It'd scared me at first, but when I met Tommy's dad and his partner, I realized I didn't have to grow up a "poof", as my dad called gays. Now, before anyone said anything about my dad, he was great. He had no actual problems with gay people. He and Mom were friends with several gay men and women, and always made it clear that being gay wasn't wrong. Dad just grew up in a culture where you looked down on homosexuality; and a few of those thoughts stuck. "Poof" was one of them. Josh, Tommy's dad's partner, was Mom's best friend.
It was kind of weird that I never actually thought about Tommy sexually. He was cute, but he was more my brother than my actual brother was. John wasn't tolerant of Gays. Mom tried to show him that gay people were like everyone else, but John just wouldn't accept it. He'd be polite and never did anything in public, but I was his brother and I knew. He didn't like gay people, period. So I'd pulled away from him and started putting my need for companionship and a male bond into Tommy. Though he had a gay father, Tommy made no indication he was interested in guys. Not that I'd have looked for the signs; I needed a brother, not a boyfriend. We never talked about sex. I guess I didn't want to take a chance that Tommy would feel uncomfortable. Just when we were getting old enough that something else might have been there, I moved. We'd kept in touch over the internet my last year of high school. I missed Tommy. I couldn't seem to meet anyone who filled the gap like he had.
We started communicating less when I went off to college. I'd been accepted into RIT's engineering program; my parents had been so proud. I hated it. One semester and I realized that engineering wasn't for me. Between hating my curriculum, feeling lost on such a huge campus, and discovering gay life, I lost touch with Tommy completely. I'd discovered sex, partying and escapism. I used them to avoid my feelings of isolation at a school far larger than I'd ever wanted to be at; I used them to avoid looking at the fact that I still felt disconnected from every friend I made; I used them to deny the fact that I was making very bad choices.
It wasn't 'til the fall semester of my sophomore year that I snapped out of it. I'd woken up in a fraternity dorm room with a hot looking, muscular blond draped around me, and I realized that almost every guy I'd ever slept with had the same features. They were shorter than me, blond and lean. They were replacements for Tommy. I think I cried for days after that. I realized I hated my life and I was beginning to hate myself. I needed to make a change.
I hated doing engineering and the sciences. I was good at them; I understood them; but I hated doing them. I needed something else. After hunting the internet and talking with career counselors, I decided what I enjoyed was working with people. I liked organizing and planning. So I switched my major to business management with an emphasis on technical writing and sciences. I transferred from RIT at the end of the fall semester and started Burnell in the spring. It was the best decision I ever made. Burnell was a smaller, intimate campus with an emphasis on community. They also had an incredible business and management school.
I also stopped sleeping around. Being big, tall and Italian made it easy to find partners. I wasn't some hot stud; I was actually kind of soft, but the core work I'd done while I'd been in martial arts had held well enough that I had a solid structure under the layers of pasta and rich home cooking. That was another benefit of Burnell; I found a Tai Chi club and started up my practice again. The only negative was it reminded me of Tommy. I don't know how many times I thought of getting back in touch. I'd sent Christmas and birthday cards, but I never got anything back and his email had changed. Tommy was gone; I had to accept that and move on.
It was the first week of classes of the fall semester. I was a junior, at a college I liked and in a curriculum I enjoyed. Life was good. Wasn't that always the point that something comes along to rattle you? Mine came in the form of a head on collision with the most beautiful guy I'd ever seen. I'd been rushing to get from my last class to the bookstore; we'd been warned that they were short on the texts we'd need and the additional books would not be in for a few weeks. I didn't want to have to bum books from a classmate, so I was running for the store, not looking where I was going, when I nearly trampled a new student.
"HEY!" My victim tumbled backwards, dropping his cane as he managed to tuck and roll. It looked like a practiced maneuver. I was stunned for more than just the fact that he'd managed to make being knocked on his ass graceful. As he was crouched down, pushing his glasses back into place and feeling around for the items he'd lost, I was caught by the tussled golden hair that cascaded over his shoulders. He'd had it in a ponytail, but the leather holder had slipped off during his roll.
I crouched down and started gathering up the shit he'd dropped. He'd had a bookstore bag under his arm and his items had been scattered. "Oh man, I'm so sorry."
"No problem," he mumbled, concentrating on finding his stuff.
We got it all back in his bag and I handed him his cane. Not only had I plowed down a student, but I'd plowed down a blind student. I wondered if a lynch mob would be after my ass. He brushed his hair back and I realized he had a beautiful face. He only stood about five-foot-nine, but he looked like he worked out. He filled out his T-shirt really well and had nice arms. He wasn't a muscle boy, but he had a well-maintained body. That was unusual for the blind guys I'd met. Burnell had a fairly significant handicapped student population.
"I should have been watching where I was going." I couldn't stop looking at him. Something seemed so familiar. "I'm Tony, Tony Bartoni."
It looked like he flinched. It was weird but it almost looked like he shrank when I said my name. It was only for a moment then he seemed to square himself and he put out his hand. "Charles."
I'd read about that whole "spark" that happened when people who were meant to meet, met, but I'd never experienced it. I took his hand and I swear there was a spark. I'd begun to trust my gut again; I had to get to know him.
I silently thanked Dad for insisting I keep up my studies of tai chi after the accident. I hadn't wanted to; I'd thought it was stupid for a blind guy to know martial arts; it was way too "Hong Kong action hero" for me. He hadn't given in; it saved me from hurting myself numerous times when I was knocked down or tripped. Today had been no exception.
The guy sounded nice enough; his embarrassment and guilt were sincere. He had the best voice too, deep and resonant with a warm under tone. He helped me get my stuff together; apologizing at least twice by the time I was standing and had my cane. Then he introduced himself; I thought I was going to collapse. It couldn't have been the same Tony. A part of me wanted to run; I'd never gotten over him. I'd never had a chance. Just when I was ready to look at other guys I'd lost the ability to look at all.
What the fuck was I going to say? He obviously didn't recognize me; the scars and shit probably did that well enough, he probably wasn't even looking at me close. Even though I wanted to curl up and hide, Dad's training and hard work paid off; I stuck out my hand and decided to avoid the whole thing. I gave him my first name, no one ever used it and I don't think Tony had known it, "Charles."
My knees went weak when he took my hand. His hand was so huge. From the feel of it, Tony stood well over six feet tall. I had a thing for big guys. I didn't mean muscle men; I meant Honest-to-God big men: wide shoulders, huge bones, and big hands. I wasn't into "chubs" but I had no problem with a comfortable layer of padding. Muscles were fun to feel, but they weren't all that comfortable to cuddle with. I'd learned that from Dad too; he'd always been a solid guy with a layer of padding he resented. Josh was lean and muscular. They both gave great hugs, but Dad was just more comfortable to cuddle with. Don't get me wrong: I did not have a daddy-complex. The idea of screwing my dad made me ill; but I'd learned what I liked and that was what I was going to hold out for. Not that anyone would go for a disfigured freak anyway.
He was so nice; all I really wanted to do was hug him and cry. I hadn't realized how much it had hurt to turn away from our friendship until it was staring me in the face. I didn't hear him the first time he asked me a question. "Huh, what?"
"Would you like to get a coffee or something? I don't feel like fighting for my books at the moment anyway."
I knew it was a bad idea; I needed to get over him, but I accepted anyway. I needed to make friends more than I needed to feel safe. The counselors had really drummed that into our heads during orientation; we were here to learn to live life and get an education, and hiding wasn't the answer. I had to admit, the coffee shop smelled wonderful. I'd really gotten into food smells since I'd lost my sight. It was amazing I hadn't put on a hundred pounds. I was still a nibbler; I never finished a plate of food. It used to drive Tony's father nuts whenever I had dinner at their house.
"What do you want?" I reached into my pocket to get my wallet, but he put his hand on my elbow. "I'm buying; it's the least I can do for knocking you on your ass."
I grinned. "Technically, you didn't knock me on my ass. You rolled me over."
That rewarded me with a low, sensual chuckle that turned my guts to goop. I knew I'd be jacking off to that voice in my head. It didn't fit the images I had of Tony at sixteen. I wanted so bad to know what he looked like now. "Ok, you're right." There was a pause, and I wondered what he was thinking. The hardest part of dealing with people was when there were silences. Facial expressions don't transmit well when you can't see them. "So, what's your poison?"
"Uh... chai tea?" I'd had it a few times and loved the spicy, creamy taste.
He guided me to a table and waited for me to get situated before he went off to get our drinks. Tony had always been a patient, helpful guy. It was one of the things I'd loved about him most. That, and his eyes...Oh God, I'd never get to see his eyes. He'd had the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I didn't realize I was crying until Tony came back.
"Hey," his concern was palpable, "you ok?"
I nodded, wiping my cheeks. "Yeah, sorry. Just missing what things look like."
He sat down, set the cup near me and guided my hand to it. "You weren't born blind?"
I would have thought it was obvious. Maybe he'd assumed my scars were from an accident that had resulted from my being blind, and not the other way around. "No."
"I'm sorry." He sounded so sincere.
"Don't be; it wasn't your fault." I sipped my tea and then tried to give him what would look like an ironic smile. "At least the settlement I received from the asshole's insurance is putting me through school." After all had been said and done, I'd come out of it blind but with over a million and a half dollars to build a future with. It wasn't a fair trade, but it was better than being blind and having to live on welfare.
"Doesn't sound like a fair trade." What was he doing, reading my mind?
"No, but no one promised life was fair." Bringing Tony back into my life definitely wasn't fair. How the hell was I supposed to meet someone who could love me if I was stuck pining for someone I couldn't have?
I couldn't help but smile when he asked me his next question. "Does anyone call you Charlie? You just don't seem like a 'Charles' to me."
I grinned. "Yeah, Charlie is fine."
I was really concerned when I came back to find Charlie crying. I don't know why he was Charlie to me but I just couldn't fit "Charles" to him. He was anything but stuffy and uptight, which is what I associated with "Charles". His attitude was so impressive. He seemed so positive and forward thinking. He also had his shit together; most guys who were blinded never really adjusted to it. He moved like he'd been blind forever and knew how to deal.
I had to ask, "Does anyone call you Charlie? You just don't seem like a 'Charles' to me."
He grinned; damn, he had a perfect smile too. "Yeah, Charlie is fine."
Why the fuck did I have to always get a twitch for shorter, blond guys? Why did they all have to be the same theme? At least Charlie was different. No soul-searching blue eyes to worry about and he didn't have the buzz cut I always seemed to go for. Of course, thinking about the guy sexually was stupid; the odds of him being gay were slim. A fit, hot guy like him wouldn't want a big, hairy Italian anyway. I'd settle for friendship, and would probably end up jacking off thinking about him.
We had our drinks and he touched his watch. It had a synthesized voice that told him the time. Sighing, he rose. "I've got to get going."
I was disappointed, but I'd enjoyed the coffee. I shook the hand he offered and put my foot in my mouth. "See you around." He didn't even flinch.
"Not likely," he grinned, "that'd require a lot more personal time than you'd be willing to spend." He wiggled his fingers at me. "It takes me a long time to 'see' people."
I shivered at the idea of having him study me with those hands. If I got a shock just from a handshake, what the hell would a full facial or body touch be like? "Maybe some other time when we get to know each other better."
That stopped him. He seemed to look right at me. "Uh, yeah... Later." He left while I watched him weave his way around the tables. It took him a little while, and I almost got up to help, but he seemed to remember the path we took to get to the table and he managed. The worst thing to do was to baby someone who was disabled; it made them feel less than a person.
I was greeted back at the apartment by two very unhappy women. They both ruled my life and felt I couldn't do anything without them. I suppose having two blond beauties taking care of a guy wasn't the worst fate in the world. Only one of them was human, and she was being a bitch. "Where the hell have you been?"
I shrugged. "Checking out the campus, meeting new people, and buying some things."
"You didn't take your phone, or Chelsea." Heather meant well, but she was taking the big sister thing a bit far. I wasn't an invalid. "What if something had happened?"
"I'd have gotten help from someone." I set the bag on the counter and felt my way to the cabinets. We had moved in a month ago, a few weeks before school started, and I still hadn't memorized where everything was yet. "Which cabinet has the glasses again?"
"The one to the left of the sink; bottom shelf."
"Thanks." She was good about some things; she didn't try to do everything for me. All in all, Heather was a great older sister. She enjoyed the fact I was gay and relished being able to sit with me and guy watch. I had to admit; it was a lot of fun to listen to her descriptions of guys. Some of her details were enough to make any gay man hard. I think she did that on purpose.
I felt her touch my hair and the back of my shirt. "What the hell happened?"
I'd forgotten that my hair was a mess from when Tony knocked me down. I probably had dirt on my shirt also. "Oh, I got knocked down by a guy rushing to get his books."
"What?" I could hear her going into "killer bitch" mode.
"I'm fine, Heather. I wasn't hurt and the guy was really apologetic. He even bought me a drink and made sure I was ok." I realized I didn't want to give her Tony's name.
She cooled down and started fussing with my hair. "What's his name?"
"Anthony." It wasn't a lie; that was Tony's real name.
"Was he nice?" She loved playing with my hair almost as much as I did. Most blonds have thin, straight hair. I basically had wavy brunette hair but it was blond. Thanks, Mom.
"Yeah; he seemed to know how to deal with blind people too. He had the elbow leading, guide the hands to utensils thing down."
I flinched. "How the hell would I know, Heather? I can't see him and I wasn't going to ask a stranger if I can feel him up."
She let go of my hair. "Sorry."
I knew she wanted me to find someone. I was heading for my 20th birthday and I was still a virgin. Not that it was a crime to be a virgin; but I'd have liked to have had a boyfriend and maybe been kissed by then. I grinned and wiggled my eyebrows at Heather. "He gave great voice."
She tried to get more out of me, but I wasn't ready. How do you tell your sister that you're still in love with your straight best friend, and that he's the one who bowled you over physically and emotionally in one afternoon? You don't if you want to keep your sanity and privacy. No, it was best to keep things quiet.
I didn't meet up with Tony again for a couple weeks. We didn't share any classes. I was at the campus NABS meeting when we met again. I was coming out of the meeting, talking with a couple other students, when I heard that deep, resonant voice that had infiltrated a few of my dreams. "Charlie?"
I'd only had a couple classes where I'd been introduced as Tommy before I'd bumped into Tony. It'd been fairly easy to get people to switch names. I looked up in the general direction of the voice; not that I could see him but it was polite and indicated I'd heard him. "Hey Tony, what are you doing here?"
I indicated to Chelsea I wanted to find a place to stop, and she took me aside. She was the perfect guide dog. Tony came up and stood about a couple feet from my right. "I'm picking up a friend to go 'hear' a movie." He chuckled; it sent shivers down my spine. "What are you up to?"
I shrugged. "Getting to know the network so I can function as normal as possible."
"I hear a tall, Italian!" It was Kellie. She was one of the senior students and head of the campus NABS. She made her way to us and sniffed. "Charlie, are you flirting with my date?"
My heart sank. I'd known Tony was straight, but having it confirmed was still a little painful. "No, Chelsea is." I bet Chelsea gave me a dirty look. She was very serious about her job and was obscenely dedicated. She didn't even pay attention to attempts to pet her till the guide harness was off.
Tony kept right up with the word play. I heard him bend down and kiss Kellie. "How do you know I wasn't flirting with, Charlie?"
She sighed. "Whatever. We're still on for a listen and retell session, right?"
Tony laughed. "Yes. I look forward to having you tell me what images you get in your perverted mental theater from the sounds and dialogue." He leaned over to me. "She's a riot. You should hear her commentary on what the characters are doing behind her eyes."
I grinned. "I'm sure it's not worse than the images I come up with."
"Oh, now that would be fun: comparative mental theaters." She seemed to get really excited about that. "Want to join us, Charlie? It'll be loads of fun."
Did I want to hang around like a third wheel while Tony was on a date? Hell no. "No thanks, Chelsea has been on duty all day and I should get back to the apartment. I've got lots of notes to transcribe."
"Ok, maybe another time."
"Yeah, that'd be fun." Like a root canal. I don't know why I'd gotten my hopes up. I guess a part of me was still an infatuated fifteen-year-old.
"See you around, Charlie." Tony sounded a little disappointed. Maybe he'd wanted the company. Oh well, life sucked some times.
I went back to the apartment and began to print out my day's notes. Yay for braille printers.
I'd kept an eye out for Charlie for weeks. It felt like months. I couldn't believe I was jacking off over a guy I'd met once. There was no explaining it; just one short hour talking and I'd felt more connected to Charlie than any guy since Tommy. There was no way I was going to let him get away without at least trying to explore the connection. I knew that if anyone would know Charlie, it'd be Kellie. She knew every disabled student on campus.
She was also my best friend. She'd been the first friend I'd made when I came to Burnell. I'd learned more about living from her than anyone else in my life. I also knew I could get anything out of her if I were to take her to a movie. Kellie loved movies. She would listen to them and play the scenes in her mind. Then she'd compose her own story and would retell it afterwards over dinner. Usually, she had a pretty good grasp of what went on up on the screen, but every so often she went in tangents that were unbelievably funny.
It'd been a stroke of luck that I saw Charlie come out. He had a guide dog with him; she was a beautiful golden retriever. We didn't get to talk much before Kellie showed up. A part of me really wanted to beg off the movie and spend time with Charlie. I didn't, that'd have been rude to do to Kellie. I wished Charlie had taken her up on her offer to join us. He almost looked depressed as we started off to the movie and he headed home.
"I didn't know you knew Charlie." Kellie was curious. "Is he cute? He sounds cute."
I grinned. Kellie knew I was gay. I was 'out' on campus. I didn't wander around with pride shirts or anything; but I was honest when asked and wasn't shy about expressing myself. "Oh yeah, cute isn't the word. He's lean, muscular, long blond hair, clean shaven, and these pouty lips that almost beg to be kissed."
She shivered. "Oh, turn around. I've got to find that out for myself."
"Hands off, bitch, I saw him first."
She sighed. "With my luck the guy'd be gay."
Actually, I had no idea. A lot of gaydar comes from glances and body language. Blind people have a very different body language and I didn't know any "out" gay blind men. "Who knows? Reading blind people is like trying to understand braille."
She laughed. "I bet his sister could tell us."
"He has a sister?" He hadn't mentioned it. Of course, we'd only talked once. I hadn't told him about my family either.
"Yeah. She's a senior and transferred here to help him start out away from home." She frowned, her brows furrowing. "I haven't actually met her and can't remember her name. I only know about her because she's his emergency contact."
"So, what do you know about him? She who knows all."
Kellie laughed. "Not much, really. He's in liberal arts, writing major. I know he's won some sort of awards and scholarships. He was blinded when he was sixteen in an auto accident." She smiled and her voice got a little excited. "He also has every high-tech blind assistance tool and software you can get. We've already tagged him for becoming the chapter secretary. He has a braille printer and other gizmos that make it easy for him to reproduce stuff."
"That's cool." Once Kellie switched to technobabble, I knew I'd gotten everything I could out of her about Charlie. It wasn't much, but at least I knew something. If he was a writing major, I'd just have to hang around the English Department a bit more frequently.
I didn't have to start stalking the English Department though; I bumped into him again that Friday night. Of all places, it was at the GLBA social. That took guts to be a blind guy and come openly to a gay social gathering. Ok, technically he didn't have to be gay to attend, just gay tolerant, but even that was better than nothing.
He looked so fucking hot I was sweating. His hair was out full, perfectly styled. He was wearing a snug fitting shirt that practically screamed "I work out daily" and jeans that proved he had an ample package but didn't put him "on display". All in all, he looked good enough to eat. I decided that if he was going to go to the trouble to make himself irresistible, I wouldn't bother trying to resist.
The look on his face when I came over and asked if he wanted to dance was priceless.
I couldn't believe Heather had pushed, coerced and lambasted me into coming to a gay social. It wasn't like anyone would be interested anyway. Still, it would have been nice to make a few gay friends. I'd asked Dad how he'd managed to get together with Josh one time. He'd smiled whimsically and said "no guts, no glory". I had no idea what that meant at the time but I was beginning to figure it out. If I didn't take chances, I wouldn't get opportunities to find what I wanted.
It was scary as hell to walk into the place. It was scarier knowing that Heather had chosen my clothes. She'd bought me a shirt that she said looked incredible on me. I didn't see the point of showing off a body when the face wasn't worth looking at. A part of me knew it couldn't be that bad; no one had ever made gasps of horror, thrown up or run away. I knew I wasn't a Frankenstein's monster; but I could feel the scars. I didn't need my fingers to feel them; I could feel them in my skin and around my face: hard, unyielding, and jagged.
At least the shirt felt nice and the jeans were comfortable. I admit that I'd run my hands over the shirt more than once after I'd put it on. It was a stretch-velvet, and so it fulfilled my love for tactile sensations. She said it was a deep, sapphire blue and that since I was a "winter" it was perfect for me. What ever the hell a "winter" was I could have cared less; I remembered sapphire blue though, and at least it felt good.
I stood around and tried not to look lost. Of course, how does a blind person look standing alone at a party? I had no idea. I only knew I felt alone. They were playing some music with a good beat, which made it easier to dance to. I didn't dance. I was certain I'd look like a white Ray Charles and that was just not a pretty sight. They'd just switched to some slower music when I practically dropped my drink; I heard that voice again. "Care to dance?"
My head snapped up to where I thought his face must have been. "Tony?"
"Small world, huh?" He sounded amused.
"Where's Kellie?" Maybe they had gay friends and were lending support.
"I don't know, probably with her boyfriend." He honestly sounded like he didn't care.
I tried to chew on that bit of information. "I thought you were her boyfriend."
He laughed. "Oh, hell no. I love her to death, but if I had to live with her I'd probably kill her for real." I felt his hand touch my arm lightly. "Come on."
He took my cup from me and led me to the dance area. I was shaking like a leaf. Was Tony gay? I'd spent my entire life convincing myself he was straight and that was why he never showed any interest in me. I wasn't ready to let go of that little illusion. The idea that he was gay and hadn't been interested was worse.
It took me a little while to loosen up enough to let him lead. He slowly brought us into a soft rocking step and let me get the feel of how he moved before guiding us around. He still moved well; I guess the years of martial arts hadn't been a waste. I could also finally figure out a little of what he looked like. He was fucking huge: big, and beefy like his dad, but without the Santa gut. He also smelled good; it was only the smell of clean man and powder but it was just right.
They played a couple slow songs in a row, and by the time the DJ played another high tempo song, I'd melted against him completely and had my cheek pressed against his chest & shoulder. He must have been six-three. He loosened his grip and cleared his throat. We hadn't actually talked the entire time. "How about something to cool down with?"
That was fine with me. If I'd stayed in his arms any longer I might not have been willing to let go. He guided me effortlessly from the floor with only the faintest of holds on my elbow. "Soda or punch?"
"Do they have diet?"
He must have looked over the table for a moment, but he made an affirmative sound and got us a couple cups. We sat down. I could feel him looking at me, but neither of us was talking. I really wanted to know what he was thinking. "I guess why I'm here is pretty obvious, huh?"
He laughed. "Probably the same reason I am." He leaned closer and I could smell him again. He'd used a spearmint mouthwash or gum. "I'm looking for someone to spend time with."
I swallowed. "Found anyone yet?"
I trembled as I felt his fingers stroke my cheek. I wanted to pull away. I didn't want anyone tracing the scars. If it had been anyone but Tony I'd have jerked back; but he was my oldest friend and I'd loved him for too long to not crave his touch. "I hope so." He whispered it right into my lips before kissing me.
I know I was being forward as hell, but Charlie wasn't putting up any resistance. He was nervous, but it was obvious by the bulge that had brushed my thigh a few times during our dance that he was receptive. I thought I'd stumble over myself with relief. I wanted to walk him right off that dance floor and back to my place. I wasn't going to; I didn't want sex. There was something about him that told me to go slow, and be careful; it told me it'd be worth it.
When our lips met, I thought I was going to explode. I'd been right; he had lips that were begging to be kissed. I couldn't believe he didn't have a boyfriend. He'd had half the men in the room eyeing him with open lust; he couldn't see it of course. I guess the fact he was blind was intimidating to most guys. He couldn't flirt back unless you made the first move; you also had to look for cues other than his eyes. I hoped that he'd give me a chance.
Charlie actually sighed as I pulled back. It was so cute. He was also trembling, which wasn't so cute. I think that was the moment I realized he wasn't nervous; he was scared. "You ok?"
He nodded, looking stunned. "Yeah, I've just never kissed anyone before."
That threw me. I couldn't possibly have been his first guy. Ok, maybe he was a virgin but totally untouched? That was impossible. "No one?"
He blushed and looked down. "Parents and relatives don't count."
"Wow." I couldn't think of a response to that. I slid my hand over to his and took it gently. "I'm sorry if I pushed."
He looked up quickly. "No, I wanted it. I just didn't expect it."
I decided to press forward. "So, you're not seeing anyone?" Why did I always chew on my toes around him? I never made those mistakes around Kellie or her friends.
Thankfully, he giggled. "No, not physically or personally." He gave me a killer grin. "I'm taking applicants though."
That was a line I couldn't pass up. "I guess I'll need to apply in person?"
He looked like he wanted another kiss; I wanted another kiss. I laced my fingers into his hair and pulled him back to me. He didn't even flinch. This time his mouth opened a little and I flicked my tongue in to touch his. He whimpered and kind of melted. I didn't feel like we were going fast; it felt like we were catching up. It didn't make any sense but I didn't care. When I pulled back, he whispered. "That was a great application."
I got the job.
By the time I came around and realized I was dating my best friend, it was too late to tell him the truth. I'd managed to keep him and Heather from meeting. Honestly, it was exhausting. Every day it got harder not to fuck up. I wanted so badly to tell him who I was; but I was too scared of how he'd react. It was the week before Thanksgiving when things finally came to a head.
Tony had been so incredibly patient. I'd only given him the sketchiest details of my past. I knew he wanted more, but I was too scared to give it to him. He also didn't push for more physical intimacy. He seemed content with cuddling and kissing. Ok, he wasn't content but he was willing to wait till I was ready. He was a great cuddler. I spent at least a couple evenings a week at his place curled up on the couch. Chelsea loved him. I'd even managed to talk about Heather without giving myself away; I'd called her by her first name, "Charlotte".
We were on our last date before Thanksgiving break. Tony had taken me to a small Italian kitchen, which was not surprising, and then we'd walked the town. It was cold but not down to freezing, and it was nice to have him near. I loved the smell of late autumn. The first raindrop caught me by complete surprise. I could normally sense rain. I guess I was a little distracted.
We were drenched by the time we got to his apartment. I was laughing in spite of the cold. I'd never been caught in the rain before. Tony got us out of our rain soaked clothes and wrapped me in a blanket. Fortunately, his roommates had left after their classes that day. He left me on the couch while he put my clothes in the dryer. My shivering eased after he came back and he wrapped himself around me, pulling me to him. I'd never actually felt his skin against mine. Only our arms and the tops of my shoulders were touching, but I realized I wanted more. I sat up a little and kind of shrugged to let my blanket slip down to my low back. Tony waited for a few moments before he enfolded his arms around me and pulled me against his beefy chest.
I was in heaven. He was warm and his chest and belly were covered in soft, straight hair. It was like having my own giant teddy bear. Ok, a very sexy, good smelling, fairly nicely built, gay teddy bear. He held me for the longest time, his fingers stroking my arms and his lips teasing my ear and neck. I was throbbing when he whispered, "Please stay."
How could I do anything else? I'd been in love with him since I was thirteen. I let him chew on my ear as I fought with myself over it. My libido won over my common sense. "I've got to call home; my sister will be worried." He got me my cell and I called.
Heather sounded panicked. "Tommy, where the hell are you?"
"I was out with Anthony."
"I'll get the car; where are you?"
"I'm at his place. I don't need you to pick me up."
She paused. "What do you mean; you don't need me to pick you up?"
"I'm spending the night." She started objecting, but I talked over her. "See you tomorrow." I hung up and shut off the phone.
Tony's voice was a little doubtful. "Is everything alright?"
I nodded, putting the phone on the coffee table. "Yeah, she's over protective. I'll have hell to pay tomorrow but I don't care." I paused and then settled back in against him; my heart was thumping like a marching band. "So, what now?"
My blanket had drooped past my hips while I'd been on the phone with Heather, and I could feel him hard against my back. Oh god, he was pulsing. Was I ready for that? The way my hole was twitching said I was. His arms wrapped about me tighter and one of his hands caressed my chest. "What ever you want." He breathed it against my neck. How the hell could he be so restrained with that thing begging for attention against my back?
My voice was shaky as I answered him. "I want you in me, Tony. I want to know what it's like."
His voice was trembling as badly as mine. "Ok." I felt his hand slowly slide down my chest and wrap around me. Oh my God, I almost shot right then. His fingers ran up and down my shaft and I felt him shiver. "Jesus. Charlie, you're huge."
I nodded. I knew I was only average length, but I was thick. Josh had once given me the low down on average sizing; I'd been too embarrassed to ask what guys normally were. I knew from what Josh had explained that I was probably much thicker than average. From what I felt pressed against my back, Tony was average girth but he was a good bit longer than I was.
He stroked me, slow and soft, like he was trying to get a feel for every inch of me. I was shaking as he let go and brought his sticky fingers up. I heard him taste them and I almost lost it. "You're sweet."
I couldn't take it any more. It wasn't a couple months of need that was behind my desperation. There was six years of dreams, fears and waiting fueling me. I turned around on him and hunted down his mouth. We were moaning, kissing, and rubbing against each other in no time. I was leaving sticky trails across his hairy belly. Every time I humped him, his hair tortured my dick and I kept getting one step closer to the edge.
Tony picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. I was at his mercy and I felt completely safe. He pressed me back against the sheets and lay down on top of me. I shuddered when he whispered again. "Open you're eyes, Charlie."
I shook my head; my voice was choked. "No." I'd never let him see my eyes. I seldom took off the glasses, but I did occasionally when we made out. I didn't want him to see them. They might have been able to smooth out the scars and make my face tolerable; but there was nothing they could do about my eyes.
"Please." He was stroking my cheek and his voice was pleading.
I started to cry. "They're all torn up, Tony. Please... I couldn't stand it." I knew I was being unreasonable; it was just one of those things, I couldn't seem to get past it.
He nodded against my neck, kissing me softly as I tried not to completely break down. "Ok, Charlie, ok." I clung to him. The last thing I wanted to do was push him away.
"I'm sorry..." I was losing it. I wanted him so bad and I was so scared. "I'm sorry I'm all cut up. I'm sorry I'm blind. I'm sorry..."
He shushed me by kissing me across my cheeks and my lips. "I don't care." He kept mumbling that everything was ok between kisses. "You're beautiful, Charlie. You're so damn beautiful." I wanted to believe him. I wanted to be beautiful, not for me, but for him. Then he said the thing I'd wanted and dreaded to hear since I was thirteen. "I love you, Charlie."
It was almost what I'd wanted to hear. Except that he was in love with a lie. I froze. He felt me stiffen up and Tony backed off. I could almost feel him shrink when he thought I was rejecting him. I wasn't rejecting him; I was rejecting me. I wrapped my arms around myself. "I've wanted to hear those words for so long, Tony. I feel like I tricked you into saying them."
His fingers stroked my arm. "Do you love me, Charlie?"
I nodded, trying to get a grip. "I feel like I've been in love with you forever. I don't even remember what it was like before..." He rolled me onto my back and stroked my face.
"That's all that matters, Charlie."
I shook my head. "No, it isn't..."
He kissed me. Oh God, I wasn't going to win. "We'll make it work, Charlie." His voice was so sure, so strong, and so full of love that it washed away my resistance. "We'll work it out..."
I woke with the most beautiful man I'd ever known wrapped in my arms. It had been such an emotional night. I hadn't realized how hurt, how really hurt he'd been. I knew I loved Charlie. As sure as I'd been born I knew it. We'd get past whatever it was he was scared of. I didn't care what it took.
I kissed the side of his head as he slept. Just the feel of him was bringing me back to full attention. He'd been the most responsive lover I'd ever had. I was normally the bottom, but Charlie had wanted that last night. He'd made love to me with his hands; touching and exploring me with his fingers, and memorizing me with his touch. I'd never had anyone touch me so completely.
I'd taken it slow; worked him really well before I pressed him against the sheets and slid in. He hadn't had any pain; at least none he confessed to. By the time we climaxed I was practically pounding him through the mattress while he begged me for more. If I'd had it, I'd have given it to him. I'd have given him anything he wanted.
He fell asleep in my arms, mumbling that he'd always love me. There was something in how he said it that sent shivers through me. We'd only known each other for a few months. Some of the things he'd said just didn't make sense, but he'd been so upset that I wasn't going to try to figure it out. All that mattered was he was in my arms and I wasn't ever letting go.
Charlie woke up while I was in the bathroom. I think he'd thought I'd left him because I heard him thrashing about before he actually woke up. I didn't even flush before I ran back in and caught him in my arms. "Charlie, it's ok. I'm here." He hadn't been awake; it had been a nightmare.
He held onto me as I rocked him. "I'm sorry, Tony... I'm so sorry..." I just couldn't figure it out. He kept acting like he'd done something wrong. I knew some guys really had a tough time crossing over from just identifying themselves as gay to actually doing the deed. Some guys even got violent afterwards.
We held each other for a while before Charlie finally needed to relieve himself and get going. I didn't want him to go, but I had to pack also. I'd be driving back to New York for the holiday anyway. I helped him with a shower; it was half because he didn't know where anything was and half because I just wanted to keep holding him. I walked him back to campus by mid-morning. He'd been quiet most of the morning, and I was beginning to get worried.
"Charlie, are you ok with last night?" I didn't want to push, but I just couldn't let him leave without knowing what I'd be returning to after the holiday.
He turned to me, slid his hand up till he hooked his fingers behind my neck, and pulled me down into a kiss. God, it was almost desperate. He let me go after practically dragging my breath out of me. "I love you Tony; I love you so damn much." I could see tears slipping past his glasses.
I knew something was really wrong. "What is it, Charlie?"
"I need to tell you something..." He never got to say it.
"TOMMY!" Chelsea was running up the sidewalk towards us with a woman right behind her. I assumed she was Charlotte, but something about her looked too familiar. Chelsea got to Charlie first and practically knocked him over. Charlotte got to him, grabbed him and nearly hugged him to death. "Where have you been? I've been calling all night!"
When she calmed down enough to let him get a word in, Charlie stuttered. "Heather, I'm fine. I told you I was staying with Tony."
I flinched. He'd called her Heather. Then I realized what she'd called out. It wasn't "Charlie"; it was "Tommy".
Heather looked at me, and suddenly covered her mouth. "Oh my God, Tony? Tony Bartoni?"
I stared at her in disbelief. It couldn't be real. "Heather?"
She wrapped her arms around me. "I haven't seen you since you were sixteen!"
I was stunned. I looked at Tommy, but he looked defeated. He felt for Chelsea's lead and sighed. "I'm sorry, Tony."
I was just too stunned to do anything. I watched him through my tears as he just walked away. Heather lingered, looking confused, before following after him. I had to sit down. I'd spent so long trying to find someone to replace Tommy. I finally thought I'd found him, and then he just walked away. I couldn't understand why he walked away. I couldn't understand why he hid who he was from me. It left me wondering if it had all been a lie.
The drive back home was desolate. I just couldn't seem to get Tommy out of my mind. I'd spent most of the drive being furious with him. I felt played and betrayed. When I got home and curled up in bed, I realized I wanted him there. I remembered how scared he'd been and what he'd said. It all made sense. The only thing that didn't make sense was why he'd lied about who he was. No matter how I looked at it, it just didn't make sense.
Mom noticed that I wasn't myself, but tried to wait me out. By Wednesday she had been quiet long enough. I was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to think about anything but Tommy, when Mom sat down with a couple mugs of coffee.
"Ok, Tony. I've been waiting for you to open up since Saturday. What's wrong?" Mom had a tone that brooked no argument. There was no one who could face down Dad like she could.
"I don't know what to tell you Mom. It's complicated." I didn't even know all of it; only Tommy did.
"Well, start at the beginning and we'll figure it out." Good old Mom. 'Just do it' was her motto. We sat in the kitchen and I told her everything. When I was done, I felt like I'd wrung myself out like a towel.
She smiled at me as she refreshed her coffee. "I have only one question, Tony. Do you love him?"
"Yeah, Mom. I think I always have." The more I'd thought about it; the more I realized I'd been in love with him since the first day at his dad's house.
She kissed me on the cheek. "Well, Thanksgiving dinner is usually over by four. If you pack up tonight; you could be in DC by ten." I looked at her in disbelief, but she just smiled. "His father told us years ago about the accident, but he'd been clear that Tommy didn't want anyone to know. My guess is he didn't want the pity." She took up my empty mug and set it in the sink. "If you love him so much that you're miserable, I can't think of a better Thanksgiving for either of you than to be together."
"I love you Mom."
"I know." She snapped the dishtowel at me. "Off the chair, Tony. You've got packing to do; not to mention, if I'm not going to have help cleaning up tomorrow you're damn well going to help with the preparations."
I laughed and gave her a hug before doing exactly what I'd been told.
I don't think I've spent so much time crying in my life. The accident had been devastating, but this was different. This felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could Tony possibly accept me after I'd lied to him? I'd played him for the fool and he'd fallen for it hook, line and sinker. The problem was; I hadn't lied, not really. I'd given him everything I was and that was what he said he loved. I didn't know if I could face him again to find out for sure.
After we got home, I told Heather, Dad and Josh everything. I didn't go into the details of our last night together, but everyone knew what I was leaving out. Heather thought I was being a ninny and Dad agreed. Josh just patted me on the shoulder and said I'd grown up to be as stupid as my father. That, at least, earned him a smile. They wanted me to call Tony, but I wouldn't. I at least had family who cared enough to tell me how stupid I was. It helped. I tried to get into Thanksgiving, but I didn't feel thankful; I felt hollow. I tried to keep my spirits up for everyone, especially Mom and Jim, who'd flown in to be with us; I wasn't fooling anyone. I reminded myself I had two things to be thankful for: I had been kissed, and I'd made love.
Mom and Jim were staying with friends in DC, so they left about six pm to get into town before it got too late. By eight pm I was tired of trying to be content for my family, so I excused myself and went to my room. It was after ten pm when Dad knocked on my door. He came in and sat down beside me on the bed. I'd been reading one of my texts, prepping for exams.
"I've got a question, Tommy, and I want a simple answer." I nodded and he asked, "Do you love Tony."
I nodded again. "Yeah, Dad, I do."
"Ok." He got up and left. I had no clue why he did that. I'd already spilled my guts all over the place over the guy; I must have said it a dozen times; his asking again didn't make sense.
It made a lot more sense when I heard another knock and I heard the most beautiful, resonant voice come through the door. "Can I come in?"
"Tony?" I almost stumbled out of bed to get to the door. I could smell him, even through the wood, and I was practically shaking when I pulled open the door.
He didn't give me a chance to say anything. His hands were cupping my face and he kissed me before I could get another word out. I whimpered against his lips but he wouldn't let go. I'm not quite sure what happened next, but he was in the room, the door was closed and we had finally stopped kissing.
"Why?" I knew what he was asking. He didn't sound hurt or angry; he sounded determined.
I found my desk chair and sat down. Tony remained standing. "I didn't mean it to get out of hand, Tony. When I bumped into you I freaked. I didn't want to know how you'd react; I was scared you'd pity me." I took a breath exhaled it slowly. "I'd already given up on us; I didn't think I'd have to explain. It'd worked fine till you showed up at the social." I grinned at the memory. "I knew I should have told you then, but I was so surprised by what was happening... Then you kissed me and I just couldn't stop." I looked up, hoping that I was looking at him. "It just kept snowballing out of control. That's why I freaked last Friday. You said you loved Charlie and I realized that you were in love with someone who didn't exist." I know I had tears running down my cheeks. He hadn't said anything for the whole explanation. "I'm so sorry, Tony."
I felt him kneel in front of me and his thumbs brushed away my tears. "I've been sleeping with guys trying to find someone who made me feel half as much as you do, Tommy. I don't care if you're blind, or deaf, or crippled. I meant what I said last week. We'll make it work; as long as you love me, we'll make this work."
"You could do so much better, Tony..." He kissed me again. God, I melted every time he did that.
When he pulled back, he held my face firmly between his hands. "I don't want to hear that any more. I don't want you calling yourself ugly, or scarred or maimed. You're blind; that's it. I've got damn good vision and you took my breath away that first afternoon outside the book store."
"Ugly is easier to believe."
He seemed to think about that. "I'm fat and hairy, Tommy. Why do you find me attractive?"
"You aren't fat; your Dad is fat." That made me grin; then I thought about everything that had made him real to me. "You have the best voice; it makes me tingle when you talk to me. You have strong, caring hands and the gentlest manner. For the record, I like men with fur and some padding. They're nicer to cuddle with."
"So I don't have to be perfect for you to love me?"
"You're perfect to me."
He stroked my cheek and then kissed me lightly. "You're perfect to me too."
I couldn't stop myself when I slid off the chair, wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to meld our lips together. I needed him like I needed air. Scooping me up, he deposited me on the bed and then I heard him pull off his shirt. I was pressed back against the mattress by a hairy, driven man who was intent on seducing me. He didn't have to work very hard.
"Tony," I gasped between his chewing on my neck and unbuttoning my shirt, "my family's down stairs."
He chuckled. "Your dad ordered me not to come out till you were convinced that I loved you."
I moaned. "I'm convinced."
He pulled his lips from my neck as he finished peeling my shirt off me. "What if I'm not convinced you love me?" I almost cried, but he pressed his furry chest against mine and captured my lips again. He kissed along my jaw till he got to my ear. "I want you to make love to me, Tommy. I want what you had last week; I finally want to feel you in me."
Oh Jesus; I wasn't expecting that. "I don't have any protection," I whispered as I held myself against him. Just the feel of his beefy body rubbing against me, and all that fur, was enough to make me throb with need. Maybe he thought he was too big or soft, but he was just right to me.
"Is that no?" He hadn't stopped kissing my neck and chewing on my ear.
"No... I just wasn't prepared." I gasped as he slid down and bit my nipple. If he kept it up, I'd shoot and then he wouldn't be getting anything but a sticky mess.
He chuckled as he got to my pants. "Good thing I'm a better boy scout, though I don't think my protection will fit you." He got up and I heard him cross the room and open the door briefly. He pulled in something, it sounded like a bag, and he unzipped it as he closed the door. "I can live with just lube."
My head was still spinning when he got back to the bed. I'd heard him strip, but he hadn't touched my pants. He ran his hand down my chest and let it rest at my belt. "I love you, Tommy. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
Sitting up, I found his waist with my hands and I brought my face to nuzzle him. I remembered what he'd felt like; how patiently and lovingly he'd brought me to a state of euphoric need. I wanted to do that for him. I wanted him to know how much I loved him. "I want to touch you again, Tony. I want to know every inch of the man I'm with."
He stretched out on the bed as I stood up and got out of my pants. I knew that clothing was strewn about and I'd have to be careful later, but I didn't care. There was a big, hot Italian in my bed who loved me. I wasn't going to keep him waiting.
I stretched out on the bed and anticipated what was coming. I'd seen him, felt him and tasted him. Now I wanted him in me. He wasn't the biggest of my previous partners but he was close to the thickest. Just seeing him standing there, naked and hard, made my cock twitch. Last week I'd made love to a man who I'd loved for a few months. Tonight I was making love to the man I'd loved for years. I blinked back tears as I looked at him while he slowly moved up me; his hands exploring every inch from my toes up. How Tommy could think of himself as ugly just mystified me. He could have been a model. Sure, there was some odd coloring around his eyes and a few scars you could make out if you studied his face, but they just gave him character.
His fingers were almost electric as they skimmed over me, touching me lightly till he got to my face. His huge tool had left a trail of shiny wetness up my leg and was dribbling against my belly as he straddled me. Just knowing he was so turned on was enough to make me tremble. His fingers traced my face slowly, and he had a look of total concentration. When he was satisfied with his image of my face, he began to trace his way back down to my hips. I'd been nestled under his balls that whole time and it had been incredible.
"Turn over." He was quiet, but his voice was heavy with need. I knew he would be thrusting into me with abandon soon; I couldn't wait.
I moaned as his thick cock slid between my cheeks and nestled there was he traced my back and waist with his fingers. I felt his weight shift as he leaned for the nightstand and got the lube. I hissed out a "yes" as I felt the first of his lubed fingers press into me. Though I'd top Tommy for the rest of our lives if he wanted, I was a major bottom. I just loved having a man filling me. By the time he had three fingers in me, I couldn't stay quiet. I was moaning his name almost continually between "yes" and "please". If no one told you that blind men have the most incredible finger techniques, believe me that they do. It wasn't till afterwards that I realized he was "learning me" inside as well as out. Just the thought could send shivers through me.
I felt him stroke himself just above me, lubing himself really good before pressing in till his head touched my hole. It had been quite a while since I'd had anything in me other than a vibrator, but other than a moment of discomfort he slid right in. I think I let out one, low, rumbling groan for his entire descent. It was punctuated with slightly higher gasps as he'd pull back for a moment before continuing in. Back and deeper, back and deeper, by the time he was completely in I was completely gone.
Tommy may have been virgin before last week, and this was his first time to fuck a guy, but he was so natural that my brain just gave over to the sensations. He kept whispering how tight I was; how hot I was; he used words I didn't know but sounded sexy and made me feel like the most incredible stud.
He'd gone so slow and been so careful from the start, but I wanted him to let go. I pressed up against him, throwing his rhythm off, and begged. "Just fuck me, Tommy. You won't hurt me; I want to feel it in my throat."
It took him a little longer to really build up steam, but he gave into my pleading for "more" and "harder". I know the bed was making enough noise that no one in the house could doubt what was going on. He rode me hard and I gripped the sheets and bellowed as I blew against the sheets. Oh God did I come; I came so hard that I think I blacked out. I came around just before Tommy gasped my name through clenched teeth and I felt the heat of his release fill me.
He collapsed against me, still buried in my depths, and I lay there in silence. I'd never felt so content. Sure, I had probably had better partners or most skilled lovers, but none of my previous times had carried so much with it. It was as if years of need had been released in that one act. I realized I was crying; it wasn't sobs or weeping; I simply had tears of relief and joy that wouldn't be held back.
Tommy was worried when he finally pulled out and we rolled into an embrace. He tasted my tears when he kissed me and thought he'd hurt me. As corny as it sounded, I told him I was crying because I was happy. He laughed at that, which started us into fits of laughter that held us on the bed till our sides ached.
We didn't come out of his room till late Friday morning. We'd woken up early enough, but Tommy had been rubbing himself against my morning hard-on and was practically impaling himself on me when I woke. I gave him what he wanted and by the time we were through, that damn bed had thumped enough against the wall to leave pretty deep dents.
Zack and Josh grinned at us when we finally came down; Heather just looked disgusted. I looked at her, hugged Tommy possessively and challenged her with my eyes. "What?"
"I'm not going to get a decent night's sleep till winter break am I? The walls at the apartment are even thinner than here. We've got exams in a couple weeks you know!" She was so obviously faking her annoyance.
"Yeah, your life sucks." I grinned as she stuck her tongue out at us. "Look on the bright side; now you won't have to wonder where Tommy is all the time."
"Thank God for small favors." She was smiling at that point. "I assume you'll be moving in next semester?"
Tommy shook his head. "I'm not waiting for another month and a half."
Josh laughed and gave Tommy's dad a satisfied grin. "I won; you are going to owe me big time, bud."
Zack sighed. "You had to prove him right, again, didn't you Tommy?"
Tommy sounded confused. "What?"
Laughing, Josh kissed his man on the cheek. "I told him you were just like your dad. When he snagged me, there was no waiting; I moved in the very day we first made love."
Tommy laughed too. "We figured that out. After you two wandered about that whole day with tented suites, Heather and I were pretty sure we'd have another step-dad in the near future."
"And we couldn't have been happier," Heather added quickly.
Zack chuckled. "I suppose we should pack up the cars and get you guys back to school."
Heather was shocked, "Why?"
"Because if Josh and I are going to help get Tony moved, we need to do it this weekend and I really don't want to be on the road the Sunday after Thanksgiving."
Heather shot us a totally disgusted look. "Great, not only will I get no sleep but I'm going to be a moving slave for our only break before exams. You two are going to owe me big."
"We'll find you a tall, dark and handsome man who isn't gay. How's that?"
Heather grinned. "It's a start. I'll come up with something later."
Heather did come up with several "somethings", but she was so happy for us that she never did make us pay up. We got Tony's things moved in over that weekend, and he never left. After so many years of waiting, we weren't going to spend another night apart. I had no idea how I did on my exams or even if I'd taken them. I was with Tony.
I woke to itchy eyes on Christmas morning. We'd spent Christmas Eve with Tony's family, and several of them smoked. They had contained it to one room, but I wasn't used to it. I got out of the bed and carefully tried to get to the bathroom. I had eye drops in my bathroom bag; I found my way to it, and got them in. My eyes were sensitive to dust and smoke due to the scarring.
I didn't realize that Tony was behind me till I felt his arms softly wrap around me. I'd been so distracted by the burning itch that I hadn't noticed him come in. I snapped my eyes closed, feeling a little sick.
He rested his chin on my shoulder and held me as I stopped trembling. "You don't have to do that, Tommy. You don't have to hide any more."
I took a deep breath and opened them again, blinking to finish lubricating my eyes. I know I was looking at the mirror, though there was no way to know where my eyes were really orienting. I waited for any reaction, taking deep breaths to keep from just clamping my eyes shut again.
Tony breathed into my ear as he kissed me. "You have the most beautiful soul, Tommy."
I might have lost my sight, but when I turned around to look at him, I swear I could see the love burning in his eyes. It was the best present I could have asked for, so I took him back to bed to thank him for it. There was no better way to celebrate Christmas.