What I Meant To Say

Chapter 1

This story is copyright 2005 Cowboyg4, and cannot be posted, saved, or printed, especially to other sites. If you would like to do so please contact the author at, Cowboyg4@netscape.net

 If you are not 18 do not read this, It involves gay sex and relationships, if this is not what you are looking for please hit the back button on your browser.

This story is posted in my group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/readingmyheart/, where it will be updated first. I encourage you to join and participate in polls concerning actions and scenarios in the story. Please also post any comments there that you have, as I don't check my e-mail all that much. I would like to know how to make this story better or if you like the style and wish it to continue as is. Again, any comments would be appreciated.

Billy took a seat in the vacant diner in town. The aged leather clad stool made a rigid sound as he pulled himself closer to the bar. He looked to one of the televisions cozily fit in the corner. He keenly watched the baseball game. He thought of memories as a kid where he had dreamed nothing further then being a pro ball player. He gradually reminisced about the opportunity he had to go on a full baseball scholarship, to the University of Texas. To his dread, he chose to decline as his parents passed on that horrific year. Billy took charge of what they left for him, their tradition. Something that included taking charge of the ranch.

As he looked up, he saw his ex from days gone by. Even then, there were troubles, but incomparable to what he had been through now. Her imperturbable eyes met his for a brief second before he bowed his stare back to the television in the corner. He could not think of a better girl then her, but even back then, deep down he had known that she was not anything that he was looking for. She had also remained in the small town they lived in and at the moment her gaze was riveted to his face. Billy returned her gaze, looking intently at those wonderful blue eyes that he recalled so well. They always gave her an angelic appearance even in the dim bar.

She tenderly placed the rag on the worn out bar top in front of him.

"Bill you never come out to town late like this, what brings you in tonight? Is something wrong?" She looked at him with a query in her eyes; he pulled his eyes away from the game after watching a pitch assault the batter.

Billy spoke with a forlorn tone; something the entire town had related him to. He sported a profound voice that reflected his icon, polite and trustworthy. "I got tied up at the field, and needed a drink before bed." He examined the beer knowing the reality was he was lonely, but he was too damn stubborn to face it. He ran his hand over his short faded hair, and his indigo eyes looked vacant.

"I know when you aren't telling me the truth, I think you're lonely." She was forever able see exactly through the fašade that he put up. A strong value why their friendship remained so sturdy after they broke up. She always thought of him as a man with no enemies.

Billy had an annoyed look upon his face.

"I need another person in my life like a hole in my head," he exclaimed with a rigid smile. Her eyes never left his, but Billy bowed again to study the wood grain on the bar.

"Tell me Billy... How poor is the rich man who lives his life all alone? I think you need someone to replace all your reservations with some romance."

 "Oh" Mary said in thought, "A baseball player was here most of the day, he just left. I wished you could have met him."

"I guess it wasn't meant to be." Came a uncaring reply.

She sometimes wondered why he had to be so damn stubborn all the time.

"You better be going, before the rain starts." She gave him a swift smile and wink that would soften any guy. Her blue eyes focused on the gentleman that had just come in the door, and greeted him kindly.

Billy put on his leather jacket and his worn out Stetson, "Good Night Mary, tell Todd I said hello."

Mary placed her hand on his shoulder, catching him off guard and caused him to turn.

"Drive carefully."


Mary watched as Billy strode out the door and couldn't help but notice that the man looked years older than he should. She had always known that he needed someone in his life, she had even tried to be that someone. However, even when they were dating he was a tad distant. She constantly sensed that he may be gay, but first contradicted it with his shy nature. Billy on the other hand was in fact too shy and self-conscience to do anything about it. At first, Mary was blinded by the illusion gay guys were "feminine faggots" like the ones she would hear about in the city. Ever since she could remember, Todd and Billy were best friends.

Billy slid into the aged pickup hopeful it would start one more time. Turning the key and tapping the accelerator, the old truck rumbled to life. Of course letting a blue cloud of smoke out which engulfed the truck with an awful odor. One day, he thought to himself silently, he was going to have to get a new one. He was still realizing that he would have to move on and leave the old things behind. One day soon, he kept telling himself. He had the money but he did not distinguish grounds for spending it on a new truck yet. His father's old Dodge Ram rumbled down the highway.

Coming through this modest town known as Plum Grove, was a popular baseball team. Rumors spread like wild fire throughout the town, all concerning the baseball team. One reliable rumor had it they were hosting a fundraiser in Houston.

Many of the superstar players had opted to take the bus. They were the ones that had families and enforced with good reason by their wives to take the bus. Most of their wives felt they were less inclined to get into trouble that way. Brandon Hayes was one of the few who decided to drive and enjoy a leisurely pace while doing so.

The team bus pulled into Plum Grove around three that afternoon, pulling up at a traveler's station to fuel up and to permit a couple players to stroll around the quiet street. The Traveler's Station, as it was appropriately named, was something the town had protested when they built. Something that would put a devastating strain on the little gas station owned by the Johnson's. The small number of players that got off promptly grabbed a bite to eat, and the bus was soon gone, keeping its precise schedule. A couple players' sports cars remained at the diner, which gave the run down place a surreal look.


Brandon Hayes entered the diner, also known as the local bar after six on most nights. He intended to find some southern guy to really see what southern hospitality was all about. Although he in no way acted on his yearning to be with a man, he wanted it to be now more then ever. He reasoned it was better to starve himself of the thing that he wanted most rather then expose himself. Upon entering the tiny diner, he knew that his desires were not going to be satisfied. At least not in this town, he thought to himself. A striking blonde-haired blue-eyed young woman smiled from behind the counter as he settled into his seat. The delightful and soothing voice asked for his order, and all he could manage to say was simple and straightforward.


She let out a slight smile, which lead him to the nametag on her shirt, which read "Mary." She swiftly walked to the counter and received a full steaming coffee pot. She brought it back to him, leaving cream and sugar behind. She filled the coffee cup in front of the big hands that rested on the table to the rim.

Brandon looked down into the black coffee.

"How'd you know I take it black?" He gave her a curious smile, while golden flecks sparked within his green eyes.

A slight red tint appeared on her features and she let out a delicate sigh. "Sorry, Billy usually comes in around this time and, well, that's his specialty! You kind of remind me of him." She thought silently what it was that inspired her to think of Billy. They were nothing alike even though they were both quite a sight. This man here was a complete contrast to Billy with his black hair, green eyes, and a light complexion with that five-o'clock shadow.

Brandon was confused; he looked to her hand and saw the rings that decorated her finger.

"Oh? Your husband?"

"Haha, yeah right!" She laughed and moved her beautiful blonde hair behind her shoulder. "Billy is, well, our town hottie! What can I say, everyone wants him."

A man cleared his voice in the background. It caught Brandon's attention immediately. He twisted his head to a man about the same age as himself, with short cropped brown hair and blue eyes, and what looked to be a start of a goatee. He confidently walked up to Mary and gave her a quick kiss while wrapping his arms around her waist.

Mary giggled with her priceless smile.

Todd checked out the man in the baseball cap sitting in front of his wife.

The man nodded and simply introduced himself as Todd. Brandon nodded back; "Brandon Hayes," was all he said. He then gave the man a strong handshake, which at first felt out of place, "Aww man Mary, Billy would love it if he could meet him."

"Yeah he would, I don't know where he is. He must be taking stock on the cows today; I heard someone was rustling some cattle over near his property. Beth was telling me they found some of his cows down at old man Rodgers." She looked straight into Todd's eyes, their love emanating for each other with such an effortless conversation. Brandon was envious of the situation.

He soon felt out of place, but wished someday he could find a love like those two shared with one another.

Todd looked at Brandon once more, "Well I got to get going, tell Billy I will kick his ass Friday at the town ball game." He gave his wife another quick kiss and left.

An older couple came in and Mary soon excused herself from Brandon to tend to them.

He gradually finished his coffee watching patrons come in and out of the diner and left a generous tip. On his way out, he bid goodbye to Mary.

He knew this would be the first and last time in Plum Grove. He thought of Houston, and soon imagined some nameless hot body on him, causing him to smile at the visual picture in his head. At the young age of twenty-four he was the classic American baseball player, that everyone wanted.

He got in his blue sixty-six Mustang and raced down the highway into the unlit street. Looking down at the clock made him do a double take, never seeing the lone cow looking about as shocked as he was.

The radiator steam cleared and the smell of singed rubber and brake dust filled his nostrils. Brandon looked up; saw the front of his car was intertwined with a guardrail and silently cussed to himself. He was tired and there was a dull pain in his leg, he gently laid his head on the steering wheel. He manage to pick his head up for a brief second, and noticed the blood on the wheel, he tried for the phone hoping that it would work, but as he was expecting the phone only read "searching for service."

He laid his head down one more time. In a second he would try to get help, he thought.

He never saw the lights of the truck pulling up behind him.