Date: Tue, 3 Dec 2002 15:01:09 EST
From: JuilianJ@aol.com
Subject: YO B -part 3

YO B!
By Julian

Please do not read this story if it is against the law to read this
material in your City, State or Country.  You should be 18+ comments are
well appreciated.

It's been like two weeks since Jameson stepped and i still ain't get him
outta my head yet.  He like a drug that i be craving for twenty four seven.
We done see each other every day during lunch and dinner duty as well as in
classes but i try to avoid him at all cost.  The same can't be said for
him.  Like yesterday in the gym, i was sitting on a bench minding my own
business when this nigga wants to come roll up on me like we friends again.
"You looking good B !  real good, how you been man ?" i ain't even
bite.  I was just gonna stick to my shit.  "Don't be like that b,
thought we was boys." "You thought wrong mutha fucka, i ain't yo
boy, yo homie or yo amigo." "you still mad with me man ?  is that
it, why you actin all frost and shit ?" "what you think ?"
"No need to be like that man, no need at all, we can still chill, i done
told you all that." "Well i don't want yo companionship aight, i
got my own shit to worry about." well that was a damn lie.  I ain't got
not a damn thing to do but i wasn't gonna let him in on that, after all, it
ain't none of his damn business.  "Whatever B, keep actin like that,
you gonna start wanting me again and by then yo chance done pass you
by." i was glad when he took his ass outta there but at the same time
kinda sad.  I hated feeling this way, all weak and depressed.  Apart from
dodgeing J, i was also keeping a eye out for Anthony.  I felt kinda guilty
about coming outta my face like that.  It's like the phrase `respect your
elders' kept coming into my mind over and over again.  I had no right to be
all up on him like it was his fault that me and J went sour.  Truth be
known, i was coming to realise that maybe this cat could give me some
advice on how to deal with this.  I'm not saying he was in the life but
still, he been around too long not to know something about everything.  I
decided that i was gonna go find him and make him help me.  Ok, maybe not
make him help me but i was sure gonna try.  I had spotted him moping up
near the wood shop at lunch so maybe he was still there.  I took off at
break neck speed and headed in that general direction and lo and behold, he
was still there.  He looked up and at me and shook his head.  "What you
thinking ?" believe it or not i was curious to know.  "not a thing
Bernard." the way he dragged out my name made me know that what
happened was squashed.  So before he got outta his good mood i made my
move.  "So, i gotta ask your advice about something and it's real
private so you can't say shit to nobody." "How old do you think i
am ?  17 ?  when you reach my age you realise that you've actually grown
up, literally.  You don't play the same games as you used to." and i
was feeling that.  So i took a deep breath and told him the whole story
about the circumstances surrounding my incarceration, about me, about me
and J and about how i was handling or wasn't handling the entire situation.
"You're gonna feel that way now but trust me when i say it'll pass."
"That's it, that's all you gots to say about everything i done told you
?" "Yeah my brotha, that's it.  It's good advice so take it anyway
you wish." when he saw the expression on my face he continued, "what
were you expecting ?" "I don't know man, but not that.  Don't you
have any stories to tell me, shit i can relate to, something,
anything." he laughed and for once i was feeling it.
	"No...Actually yes, now that you mention it." i took a seat at one of
the long tables and he put his mop asided and leaned against a wall.  The
look that just came over him had me bugging out but not cause i was mad,
far from it.  It had me buggin out cause it was for real, like we was
actually connecting for a moment and then he started talking.  "I guess
i was bout your age or a little younger, anyway, that ain't important, the
important thing is that i was a young brotha just learning my lessons in
life.  I useta work in a Sears store on Flatbush, i was a clerk and that
was one of the better jobs i had.  I was married then to a indian girl,
Pattel, Gila Pattel, nice girl but real strange.  Useta do somethings that
i just didn't understand.  Anyway i remember one Saturday when i was
locking up or was about to lock up a brotha stopped by to pick up a washer
and dryer set.  I remember i was in a hurry, My sons' birthday and i just
wanted to go but this brotha was real desperate, kept offering to pay me a
fifty if i let him in.  Needless to say the money got to me and i let him
in.  It took us a whole hour just to move that big ass washer from the
backroom out to the front." he stopped and laughed again, "When we
was done he gave me my money." "Yo is that it ?  what that got to
do with my present situation ?" "Can i finish ?" "Sorry
man." "Ok so i got my money and he got his goods.  I was late
getting home that night but everything worked out.  It must have been like
two days later that i got called into the office.  My boss and two cops
were waiting for me.  I got to tell you, i was scared shitless, didn't know
what it was about.  My boss told me to take a seat and then he turned on a
tv and pressed play.  There i was on camera helping that brotha load a
washer and a dryer outta the store and unto his truck.  I got robbed B, i
got robbed in my own store and didn't even know it.  Needless to say i had
to work to pay off that debt and lost my job, my wife left me and my son
died of phnemonia shortly after that." i wasn't expecting to hear all
of that but i understood.  "So you see Bernard, life always gonna put
shit in your way but you just gotta keep on going or you ain't never gonna
make it out alive.  The worst thing you can do is to give up." i looked
down and saw that ma hand was wet, i couldn't beleive it but i was crying.
A big hard as nigga like me was crying.  "I feel you man, i feel
you." "So that help you out any ?" "Yeah man alot."
	"Good, now get your ass to work before i call a guard." i couldn't
help but smile.  I don't know why i was feeling this way but i was.  This
must be what they call transferance and shit.  Putting something on
somebody that it has no business being on.  Confused ?  so was i.  i didn't
want to feel like this but i was.  Everytime i turned around he was on my
mind and it wasn't going away anytime soon.  It started after our little
talk and it's been getting stronger every single day.  I was trying to tell
myself that i was just feeling grateful but i knew that ain't it.  It's
like everytime i close my eyes i be seeing him and me doing things that
just ain't right.  The good news was that i wasn't sprung on J no more but
this was much worst.  We wasn't even in the same age bracket and who was to
say he was down.  While it wasn' t impossible it damn and well was
improbable.  So i was just styaing clear of him till i could clear my head
of this shit.  He ain't be making it easy for me though.  Since that day he
more friendlier with me than usual which got me wondering.  Today i almost
made it through the day without running into him once and then,
"Bernard, get your ass in the kitchen and help out Williams with the
mopping, who you think you are sitting on the sidelines not doing
shit." i turned to see one of the guards entering the commons.  "He
don't need my help man, i'm tired." "Well unless you want to help
Ramirez and Gueriila on bathroom duty you'll suck it up and get to
work." and you know i was out of there in less then two seconds.  As i
turned the corner i saw him.  He was sitting on a bench copping a smoke.
When he saw me his face lit up.  "So you come to help an old man out?"
"You ain't old man.  You getting there but you ain't jump the
fence yet." that got him laughing.  I wish i could tell that it didn't
do a damn thing for but that would make me a liar and i ain't no liar.
"So you done dodgeing me ?" that was a curve way out in left field.
"I ain `t been..." "you the same one that told me i done seen
a whole lota shit in my life so don't tell me i been wrong about this."
"It's not that man, it's just that..." "What ?  you still
sweating over Jameson ?  he checked out you know-permanently." ain't
that the truth.  Less than an hour before his release somebody in his own
crew jumped him.  Homeboy got stabbed three times and bled to death on the
way to the ER.  "It's not that man.  I done got over that, it's just
that...i been feeling something i don't want to feel." "And?"
"And what ?" "And what is right.  Who says you can't feel
that way you want to feel.  It's your body man, your emotions." "I
know but i don't want to mess with what is for what could be, you know what
i'm saying ?  it's not worth taking a chance just to get my heart broken
AGAIN." "Ah, come on Bernard, you're young, you young folks get
over things quicker than us old folks." "I done told you man, you
ain't old." "I know, i know." he got up and put out his
cigarette on the bottom of his shoe.  Grabbing his mop he turned to me,
"We better get to work." i joined him with a mop in hand.  "So,
you think i should go ahead and tell this nigga how i feel about him ?"
"Yeah, why not." "Ok man, you asked for it." and then i
leaned in and kissed him smack dab on the lips.  I swear that i never felt
anything so good as this and the farthest thing from my mind was sex.  When
i pulled away from him i saw that he was smiling.  "What ?" "So
you been feeling me ?" "What gave you that idea ?" "oh
nothing, except the fact that you practically threw yourself at me."
"I ain't do no such thing." "Oh yeah !" "Hell Yeah !  i
may have sucked face with ya but i ain't throw myself at you." "Ok
B, whatever you say." i thought for a moment, "Why you call me that
?" "What ?" "B.  i thought you said you was only gonna call
me Bernard." "i was but that seems impersonal now.  I can't go
around calling you by your last name and since i don't know your first name
what else am i gonna call you ?" "Adrian." "What ?"
"The name's Adrian." "Ok, Adrain it will be." and i leaned
and kissed him again but this time with more confidence than before.

EPILOGUE
	So here i was finally walking away from this place and i ain't know
what the fuck i was gonna do.  I did my time and i paid my debt to society
but now what.  I didn't have time to think about as a cab pulled in front
of the prison.  The driver wanted to know where i was going but i ain't
know what to tell him.  "Don't worry, i know where to take ya." i
let him take over and leaned back against the leather seats.  As i sat
there i thought of Anthony.  He got out a few years ahead a me and told me
he was headed down south to family.  He promised me that we would keep in
touch and true to his word, i got a letter every week for the the remainder
of my stay.  I ain't answer though.  I done did it again for the third
time.  Yeah, you know what i be talkig about, i fell in love again bit
unlike time number one and two, i wasn't gonna let him know.  This was my
secret.  I felt bad that i left Anthony in the dark like that but there's
nothing i could do.  "Here we are." i looked out the window and saw
that i was infront of a bar.  "i don't feel for a drink homie, drop me
at the nearest motel." "Sorry homie,off duty." "Say what?"
"I'm on a break." i hissed my teeth and got out of the cab.
Before i could even pay him, he sped off.  Here i stood at bout three in
the afternoon in front of this bar.  Nothing to do but go in.  I put my
hand on the handle and turned.  Before i could even open it something
caught my eye.  A big bilboard above the establishment.  I read it once,
and then twice and then a thrid time not believeing what it said : BERNARD
& GILEAD'S BAR AND GRILL.  "What the..." "Yo B !" i
turned around at that familar voice and a smile lit up my face.  There he
stood, dressed to impress, standing before me waiting.  "What's all
this about man ?" "What does it look like B ?" "I know what
it looks like but i don't believe it.  How you know i was gonna be here ?
» that smile widened, "Who you think called and paid for your ride.
"so what's all this.  I mean, i ain't answered none of your letters and
shit and you still went ahead and did all a this for me." "NO, i
did all of this for us.  I know you better than you know yourself B.  i
know why you didn't write back and i understand how you're feeling."
boy was i glad to hear that.  "You do ?" "Yes." for the
third time in a long time i walked up to him and kissed him hard.  Not
missing a beat he kissed me back.  Puling apart i looked at him and for the
first time realised what this nigga meant to me.  "I love you Anthony
and that ain't no lie." he pulled me back into an embrace and held me
tight, silently whispering, "I know B, i know."