I turned my head and felt the warm softness of my pillow against my cheek. I closed my hand on nothing, where Zac’s should have been. My eyes fluttered open, and suddenly the world came crashing down on me. It was so fucking cruel! Every time Zac came to me it was a fucking dream! I couldn’t take this anymore. I wanted to die. I curled up into a ball and started crying. It was like the whole world turned against me, and Zac wouldn’t really be here until August. It hurt. It really hurt.
Just as the first tear hit the pillow, though, my door flung open. The light in the hall blinded me, and all I could hear was the muffled thump and crash of someone tripping over my backpack and plowing into my bookshelf with all my CDs on it. Whoever it was made a strangled noise when they hit the ground, but then was silent. I didn’t move. I wanted them to think I was asleep so they wouldn’t see my face.
I heard a shuffle, and felt the sheets move as they grabbed the bed to pull themselves up.
"Bastian?!" I heard them say, startled. "Bastian!" He said again, excited. I squeezed my eyes tighter, not wanting to have to look at him. I knew it was just some fucking dream.
I felt him grab my leg, and he pulled himself up on my bed. He straddled me and forced me onto my back, and still I kept my eyes shut. He pinned my arms out away from me so I couldn’t cover my face and he laid down on top of me. The tear that had been hiding suddenly squeezed through and ran down my cheek, ice cold against the heat of my frustration.
"Bastian?" He said, and I could hear the confusion in his voice.
"Zac," it came from somewhere in my throat, and hoarse.
"Open your eyes," he said, more certain this time. I didn’t want to, but I knew I didn’t have a choice. I would have opened them anyway.
"Open ‘em," he said more forcefully.
And when I opened them I found myself staring right into his deep brown eyes, and suddenly I knew it wasn’t a dream. No dream could be this real. No dream would show me his soul like those eyes could. His worry was written all over his face, and all I wanted to do was tell him everything was going to be alright. Instead, he kissed me, tentatively. Then he smiled shyly.
"Sorry about your room," he said with a giggle. Argh! The nerve!
"Zac!" I yelled, and I spun over on top of him, pinning him beneath me while I covered him with kisses. The look of surprise on his face was priceless, to say the least, and the look in his eyes soooo sweet while I was trying to suck his tongue out of his mouth. I shoved my crotch into his and felt him immediately go hard. But that was the only thing we did, because I refused to let go of him. I wanted to hold him against me, to lay my head against his chest like some lost child. I kissed him and I cried at the same time, I was so happy. We held each other, and we cried, and we kissed, and we didn’t say a single word for five minutes straight.
"You should probably shut the door the next time you two decide to hold a reunion," I heard a very mature-sounding Tay say. I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway, silhouetted against the light from the hall. He stepped into the room before my dumb-struck tongue found anything to say. Thankfully, not so with Zac.
"Tay! Get out!" Taylor paused.
"‘s not your room, Zac," he said smugly. Sod that. I grabbed a pillow and chunked it at him
"Get out!" I almost yelled. Zac snickered.
"He’s just jealous, Bas, ignore him," Zac said, and he kissed me to enforce it. Okay, fine with me. Taylor stood watching us for a minute before leaving with a disgusted snort.
"You guys better get downstairs before they come looking for you," he called back over his shoulder.
"Tell ‘em we’ll be down in a few days," Zac said, his lips barely leaving mine.
"Yeah," I called out. They could wait. Zac looked at me and grinned.
"He’s in a tizzy because Dean isn’t here. They like, had a fight a couple of days ago, and they haven’t had a chance to make up. Dean caught Tay looking at another guy," he started laughing. "And they yelled so loud it was like driving our parents crazy, so they’re grounded from each other for a week!" Zac was laughing so hard he fell off the bed with a whump. He didn’t get up.
"They’re gonna be alright, though, right? They’ll make up, right?" I pulled myself to the edge of the bed and let my head hang over Zac’s so I could look in his eyes. He stopped laughing for a split second and then began laughing so hard tears started to run down his cheeks.
"They were just making up when they got in trouble." My mouth dropped open and I started laughing, too. Slowly at first, but watching Zac just made it worse. I just couldn’t keep it in. It was just tooooooo funny, the thought of Tay looking at someone else, and then getting in a fight with Dean. It was almost unimaginable. And then to get in trouble when they were making up, oh man, that was bad. I felt sorry for Tay, but it was just too funny.
Zac sat up and wiped his eyes.
"So what’s up?" He asked me. I just started laughing again. Not for any discernable reason, I just did. Soon we were rolling around on the floor again with painful grins.
"Stop it. Stop! You’re making my face hurt!" Zac yelled between painful gasps.
"You stop, you’re the one laughing," I said, and I cracked up again. After a minute he grabbed my hand and we stood up together. We brushed ourselves off and then somehow we ended up looking into each other’s eyes again.
"I missed you so much, Zac," I said, and I fell into his arms. We held each other, not quite knowing what to do. There wasn’t anything sexual involved. It was like.....like something I can’t describe. It was like I had my heart back again.
"So...you ready to go downstairs now?" He asked. I ran a hand through his hair, and then mine.
"No," I said, sneaking in a kiss.
"We have to eventually."
"Yeah, I guess so." He looked at me one more time and ran another hand through my hair. I should probably have it cut, I thought, you couldn’t even see my eyes behind it. Bah, fuck that. I want it to grow out as long as Zac’s is. Longer, even.
Zac’s hand wormed it’s way into mine, and together we made our way to the living room where everybody else was already seated with drinks. When we got there the whole room died down, the whole room consisting of the Mastersons, Taran, Jonathan, Tay, Ike, Zac’s dad, and Zac and I. Taran, I noticed, had already cornered Ike and was talking to him about guitars, a hobby he’d somehow picked up. He was passionate about it, too. If they had a guitar in band or orchestra, he would have joined, first in line.
I should probably tell you that Taran was going steady with a girlfriend. Her name was Ashley, and I have to admit she was pretty hot for a chick. I was kind of curious what would happen if she decided to come over tonight, like she usually did on Fridays. She didn’t know anything about our adventures with Hanson. Which was good. And it should stay that way. They didn’t play around or anything like Zac and I did, but, well, it’s different with a girl, you know? You can’t just walk off into the woods and screw whenever you want. There are proprieties involved.
"Hello, Sebastian," Ike said, turning to see what made everyone go quiet.
"Hey Ike." I looked around the room, somehow sensing that something was up.
"Hey, where’s Dean?" Taran asked. Obviously, no one had filled him in. I looked at Tay and saw a pained look blow across his face. It was so fast I almost didn’t catch it. Man, he was a good actor. But his dad stepped in and saved him.
"Oh, he’ll be here tomorrow. He had family visiting, and he wanted to stay in Oklahoma until they left," he said smoothly.
"Oh." Everyone was quiet for a little longer. I was still numbed by the surprise, otherwise I would have suggested that Zac and I find something to do. In a private area, if you know what I mean. As it was, our parents just got back to talking about boring shit, like how the weather was in Oklahoma, how the drive was, shit like that. Zac and I sat down next to each other and didn’t say anything. We just sat and held hands.
Mrs. Masterson turned to us.
"Why don’t you boys go find something to do. All of you-out!" She said imperatively, pointing in the general direction of the kitchen. I stood up, like a zombie almost, and Zac and I went to the kitchen and grabbed something to drink, Tay, Ike, and Taran in tow.
"I thought you guys weren’t coming until August," Taran said. Oi, how could I have been so stupid!
"Yeah, what’s up with that, Zac?," I turned to him almost confrontationally. Walker said they’d been on the road for three days, which was exactly how long ago our last online conversation had been. Which meant that Zac had lied to me when he said he wouldn’t see me until August. He knew he was coming this week. And Taylor, too. I was stunned. He was fucking cruel!
"TAYLOR! You lied to me!" He backed off, hands out in front trying to push away the accusation.
"Woah, watch it, little dude. We just wanted to surprise you, man," he said half-heartedly, with a little shit-innocent grin on his face. I wanted to take that grin down, with my fist, and put up something more fitting. Like a couple of broken teeth. But then my blood ran cold, as I remembered that Zac was in on it, too.
"Zac!?" I asked softly, turning to him. I couldn’t believe it. I pleaded with him with my eyes, praying that it wasn’t true, not wanting to believe that the love of my life could hurt me like that. He stared back at me blankly. Ugh, he didn’t understand!
"Zac, how could you do that?" I whispered. My hand slipped out of his, he was so surprised he didn’t do anything to stop me. I took a step back.
"Zac?" Ike said. "Tay? What did you guys do?" He asked curiously. He didn’t know!
"They told me you guys weren’t coming until August, that you had to make up stuff in the studio," I said accusingly.
"How could you make me believe something like that, when you know how much it means to me? Just tell me one thing, Zac. Did Taran’s parents know?" Did he lie to them, too?
"We told them we wanted to surprise you, and to act like we weren’t coming this week." He said it like it was a question. The bastard. "Look, Bas, I didn't mean to hurt you or anything, I mean, I'm sorry and all. I just wanted to surprise you, you know?" Oh, that was way too off-hand, I thought. The least he could do was say it like he meant it.
"They thought we told you we were coming next week instead of this week. It’s not their fault, they were just going along with us," Tay said defensively.
"I can’t believe you. How could you do that to me? How could you?" I turned and ran out the back door, fully intent on losing myself. I wanted to be anywhere but in that kitchen with that - that liar! And Tay. He knew what it was like. He knew how much it hurt to be away from someone you loved that much. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't fucking believe it.
I ran. I ran as hard as I could, deep into the forest. I followed the trail beyond the tree house. I didn’t feel the branches of the bushes as they slapped my face or the thorns as they ripped at my arms and legs. I ran so hard I ripped up the vines that threatened to trip me.
I wiped the tears out of my eyes with the back of my hand, feeling them fly off my face and run down my neck. I hated Zac. I hated him for making me feel so lost. For making me feel so alone. For taking away all of the happiness in my life with that one lie.
"Taylor!" Zac screamed, turning on his brother. "You, you.... you shit-head! You said he wouldn’t care!" He shoved a surprised Taylor aside and flew past him, out the door and into the stuffy night.
I fell to the ground with a heavy thud. I was in a clearing of some kind. I fell on my shoulder and curled up into a ball and cried, feeling more hurt than when Zac lied to me and told me he wouldn’t see me for two months.
"‘I’ll see you soon,’" I heard it over and over in my mind. I rolled onto my back and stared blankly at the stars. The well of tears had almost dried up. Now I was just numb. I lay there, but I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t think anything. If I thought, I’d think of Zac, and then I’d cry again.
I laid there so long I started to get cold, a good signal that I’d been there for at least an hour. I didn’t really enjoy the idea of going back. But I couldn’t stay out here all night. I sniffed and sat up. I didn’t want to face Zac. I didn’t want to face Taylor. I didn’t want to have to look at anyone, because they’d ask me if I was okay, and then I’d think of Zac again, and... I started walking to keep myself from thinking about him. I wasn’t even going anywhere, I was just walking. I didn’t go back along the trail to the house. I went on another one, one that was long, that wouldn’t take me straight home. I couldn’t go back there just yet.
So I wandered. I couldn’t stay out here forever, I knew that. Sooner or later they’d send someone out after me. Most likely someone I didn’t want to talk to-namely, anyone. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. I was like a zombie.
My foot caught on a stump, and before I knew it I was on the ground with a mouthfull of dirt. I didn’t feel anything. It didn’t even register that this was out of the ordinary. I just picked myself up and went on.
A vine wrapped around my ankle somehow. It had thorns, and when I kicked to break it free they dug into my skin. Now that I felt. All of a sudden I began to feel my body again, if not my mind. It spread, flowing up and down my legs and then to my face. All of the cuts, scratches, and scrapes suddenly came alive with painful intensity. At least it gave me something to concentrate on, I thought. I was ripped from head to toe.
And when I took my next step I discovered that I also had a twisted ankle. And it hurt. Bad. I limped a few feet and sat down on a rotting log to massage it. Every move I made told me something else was hurt somehow. I looked down at my arm and saw little cuts and scratches all over it. My legs weren’t much better, since I’d been wearing shorts. My face stung.
I sat on the log for a while longer than necessary, just getting used to the new sensations. Slowly, stiffly, I stood up. I tested my ankle a few times to make sure I wouldn’t have to crawl back to the house. Luckily, I didn’t collapse. I looked ahead and readied myself for the long limp back.
But I didn’t get far.
"Sebastian?" I heard Zac whisper fearfully. Oh, shit. This is just what I don’t need! God is so fucking mean! Of course Zac just had to get lost and somehow end up on the same path as me.
I didn’t say anything. I just kept walking until he saw me, and I didn’t stop for him. He stood up from where he’d been sitting-crying-and tried to come after me.
"Bastian? C’mon. Bastian? I’m really sorry about what I did, really. Bas, I’m sorry. Bas? Bastian? Come on, Bastian, please talk to me. Please? Bastian? Bastian, what’s wrong?" He noticed I was limping. He tried to help, but I just shrugged him off and walked on.
"Feel free to get lost anytime, Zac," I said thickly. He was stunned. He stood still while I left him behind.
"Bastian! Wait up!" He came running after me, but I didn’t slow down. He tried to worm his way under my arm to hold me up. All he succeeded in doing was knocking me down and making me twist my ankle again. I winced, but tried to stand back up anyway.
"Here, Bas, let me help you. Please?" I shoved his hand away and stood up. I tried to take a step, with Zac anxiously looking on. I fell over. That’s it. I was doomed. I was doomed to have Zac help me back to the house. Wasn’t that just fucking great, thought sarcastically.
At first I didn’t move. I just lay on the ground, waiting for Zac to say something. He didn’t. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t get up. Not without Zac’s help. And there was no way I was going to let him touch me. Son of a bitch!
But he didn’t try to help me up. He surprised me. He walked around so he could look at me, and he squatted down right in front of my face.
"Look, Sebastian," he said calmly. The fucker. He knew I couldn’t go anywhere and he was actually taking advantage of the situation. It made me hate him all the more.
"Look, I’m sorry about what we did. I just wanted to surprise you. I didn’t know you were going to take it that way. Honest." Well, he was right about that. There was no way he could have known. But Tay. Tay should have known better.
"I know you’re mad at me, but please don’t be. Whatever it takes, I’ll make it up to you, I swear. You know I will. Please don’t be mad at me, Bastian," he pleaded me with every ounce of his being.
"Zac....I.." I couldn’t believe I was actually thinking of talking to him. Ooooh, he was good.
He saw that I was going on the defensive again, and his next punch was below the belt.
"I love you, Sebastian." That hurt. That really hurt. When he said that he made me realize that I’d hurt him back. When I blew up at him, I made him think I thought he didn’t love me anymore. Inwardly I cringed, because I should be the one apologizing, not Zac.
"Zac, I.." I didn’t get a chance to finish. He stood up and looked at me. I couldn’t even bring myself to look him in the face. I felt lower than dirt. I knew Zac loved me. And I knew that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. This whole thing was my fault. I don’t even know why it had happened.
Zac was amazing, though. He didn’t say anything. He stood above me for almost a minute, and then he slowly extended his open hand. He held it out in front of me while I tried to decide if I should get off that easy for the pain that I’d caused him. I must have sat on the ground for a whole five minutes, but not once did his hand move.
Slowly, tentatively, I reached out and took it. He gripped my hand firmly in his, and I knew how stupid I’d been.
And when I finally raised my head, when our eyes met, it was I who was pleading for forgiveness.
The Reunion (Part 1)
Zac didn’t say anything. He ducked under my arm and helped me to my feet. I looked at him and smiled apologetically, and I felt like such an ass. He kissed me quickly on my cheek, and then we set off.
"How’s your foot?"
"‘s okay. Hurts still."
"You want to sit down for a while?" He asked lamely. I knew what he was thinking. We weren’t in any hurry to get back, to have to face everyone acting weird around us, like they were ignoring what happened. I hate that.
"Yeah, sure," I said. We stopped and found a soft patch of grass.
"Hey, you think you could do something for me?" He asked lightly.
"Next time you get mad at me and run off, you think you can just run to your room? Cuz I have no clue where we are right now." I grinned.
"That, and the last time I checked you didn’t have any trees or bushes growing in your house," he reached down to test a nasty gash on his leg and winced.
"Are you alright?"
"I’ll live," he said non-comittantly. We were quiet for a while.
"I’m sorry," I said quietly.
"Don’t worry about it."
"No, I mean it. I know you’d never do something like that to hurt me. It’s just...well I don’t know what it is, but I’m sorry, okay?" He sighed.
"Shut up and kiss me, Sebastian." He reached out and smoothed my hair back, drawing my face in towards his. Our lips met in a tender kiss, and everything was okay again. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me. I needed to feel his body against mine, to know that he was there for me. And he was, in more ways than I ever knew before.
His other hand wrapped around to my back, and we laid down together. We held each other and kissed forever. We kissed slowly, holding each other close. My heart pounded, and each thud just made me realize how much I loved Zac, how much he meant to me. It was like I wanted to pull him into my chest, he made me feel so whole.
"Mmf, what time is it?" He asked suddenly, pushing me away. I was surprised for a sec.
"Uh, I dunno. Why?"
"If we don’t get back soon they’re going to send our parents out. We’re staying at the hotel up the road tonight."
"Zac that’s rediculous. You know you guys can stay at our place. You can even sleep in my bed," I said with a wicked grin. He grinned wide and bit the tip of his tongue.
"You wouldn’t mind?" He asked innocently. Oooh, the insolence! I tackled him.
"I insist," I insisted, and I dove down on his mouth so fast I almost broke his teeth.
Five minutes later he pushed me up so he could breath.
"Wah, ah do believe that you ah tryin’ to tayke ahdvantage of me, suh," he said in total southern belle accent.
"Ah am a gentleman, and ah would nevuh do such a thing," I said condescendingly. He giggled.
"I would!" He moved his arms and I dropped down on him again. He spread his legs and pressed his prominent hard-on into me. I thought about it, but I really didn’t want to be discovered with Zac’s dick in my mouth. I rolled off to the side, leaving my hand over it. I looked him in the eye and started lightly running my finger up and down the front of his shaft through his jeans. His eyes glazed over and a crazed look passed over his face. His cock twitched madly in his pants as I teased him.
"You bastard," he grinned.
"Only for you, my love," I said, and I snuck in to kiss him lightly. My lips got lost in the area of his neck, though, so I had to do some searching to find his mouth. It was interesting terrain, so it took a while.
Ten minutes later he took my hand out from under his shirt. I loved his chest. I loved to run my hands over it, to play with it. It was just so warm, so strong. So-
"I thought we were going back," he said, sitting up. I grimaced.
"Yeah, we should," I said blandly.
"C’mon," he said, helping me up. "And when we get back it’s my turn." I grinned.
"Fine by me." He tooked at my face. It must have looked pretty goofy, because he started laughing, and he didn’t stop until we got back.
We got back to find the parents in the kitchen waiting for us. Everyone else was elsewhere, probably hiding or something. We opened the back door with goofy grins, earning reproachfull looks from Mrs. Masterson. Mr. Masterson just shook his head, while Zac’s dad went for paper towels and that stingy shit parents always want to use. Sometimes I think it stings to try to keep their children from getting hurt so much. Awkward theory, that.
"Good grief, what did you boys get into?" Mrs. Masterson mucked around with the water and paper towels, helping Zac wipe himself down before moving on to me. I got pissed the third time she sprayed the same cut, though, and took the stuff away from her. She went back to Zac.
"Hold still," she sanitized his face, making him wince. She scrubbed his neck.
"I think he’s clean, hon," Mr. Masterson said, trying to get her to back off.
"Hang on. I can’t get this one to clean up.." she said, digging in even harder. Mr. Masterson coughed.
"I don’t think that one’s going to come off, dear." She stepped back with a querulous look on her face. All of a sudden understanding dawned, and she brought her hand up in front of her mouth, her eyes full of amusement.
"Oh, I guess it won’t, will it?" She said with a little smile. "I take it you two have resolved your differences, then?" She looked from one of us to the other while we held hands and hung our heads like errant schoolboys.
"Yes, ma’am," Zac offered in bashfull supplication. She put her hands on her hips, towel akimbo.
"Cheeky," she said, and she swiped him up-side the head with it. I chuckled.
"And you," she said. She whapped me and I jumped. "The next time you run off like that we’ll send the dogs. Oh, come here," she wrapped her arms around me before I could get away. Zac tried to run. No chance.
"And you, Zachary Hanson, had better stop and think before you go running around out in that forest again. You could have seriously hurt yourself. Something Bastian here knows, but never takes to heart," she said ruefully. She turned to the men.
"Okay, they’re yours now. I’m off to send the rest of ‘em to bed." She leaned down and kissed Mr. Masterson and left, but not before making detours to Zac and I first. We all watched her leave, and then I looked at Mr. Masterson warily.
"We’re not in trouble, are we?" I asked cautiously. He looked at the table and smiled, toying with his glass.
"I’d say you’ve been punished quite enough already. How about you, Walker?"
"I’d say so," he said blandly. "Grab yourselves something to drink and sit down, boys," he pointed at the stools next to the counter. I popped two Peppers and we sat. They didn’t say anything for a while.
"You boys haven’t exactly had a fair shot together, the way we see it," Mr. Masterson started in. "You can’t have a relationship," and he hard time saying it, "when one of you is always running around the country, and it’s hardly fair to expect anyone to move cross-country. So we’re going to do something special." He waited a while for the idea to wear on us. I was almost too emotionally exhausted to feel anything anyway.
"Now, the boys do have some studio work to finish up before-hand. We’ll get that taken care of as soon as possible, starting tomorrow," Walker said. And that was fine with me. Most likely I’d finally get that concert I wanted. But there was something big going on here, we could tell by how slow they were going.
"We haven’t told anyone else about this, so you guys just keep it down, okay?" We nodded our assent.
"We have some friends that do some travelling during the summer, and they’ve got some extra room to spare. How would you boys feel about the chance to get away for a while this summer, say for a couple of weeks? You’d get some time to yourselves. It wouldn’t be just you, of course. Tay and Dean would go along as well, Taran of course, too."
Our jaws hit the floor, in slow motion.
I felt myself rising from sleep, slowly, like I was swimming. I opened my eyes and looked around. It was still nighttime, and I was wide awake, but still dreamy, if that makes sense.
I looked at Zac, laying across from me, and I was immediately lost in him. His eyes were shut, and he was in that dreamy area that comes when you’re just barely asleep. He looked like an angel, a form of perfect beauty.
"Mmm?" He smiled and opened his eyes a little. We stared at each other, living in the moment. I started to hear "Amazing Grace" in my head. Just one line, repeating: ‘what once was lost I now have found,’ or whatever it is. It didn’t matter what the words were; it never does. But I knew the feeling. I felt alone before Zac. Lost somehow. And something had been missing from my life, and I didn’t even know what. But now, inexplicably, I had it, and I knew it. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but it was there. A sort of bond I had with Zac, like nothing I’d experienced before. It tied me to him, made us one. It was like my heart was no longer my own.
And for some reason, I felt secure and insecure in the same moment. I can’t explain it; it was like I knew he loved me, and I loved him more than the lands and oceans and stars above. But I needed to feel him, to touch him, to make it real.
"Hold me," I said simply. I couldn’t even believe my own voice. It sounded so weak, so scared, so alone. I don’t know why, but I felt like I was going to cry.
Zac moved closer, his eyes never leaving mine. Inch by inch, he crawled under the sheets the short distance between us. He kissed my forehead and wrapped his arms around me, shielding me in his love, from whatever demons there were trying to haunt me in the night. I curled up into his chest, resting my head in the crook above his shoulder, his chin on my forehead. I felt so small, and yet so big. Zac’s love made me strong.
"Dominick?" His words came softly to my ear.
"Yeah?" I breathed.
"Do you think people can enter our lives for a purpose?" I wrapped my hand around my wrist, remembering when he first asked me that, when he gave me the blue bracelet that symbolized our love. I still wore it. I never took it off.
"I know it," I said. There are times when you can feel someone else’s emotions, even if you aren’t empathic. I could feel love flowing from Zac to me, a link that would never break, only grow stronger.
"Dominick?" He put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.
"Hmm?" I felt warm and loved like I hadn’t since I was a baby when my mother used to hold me tight. I felt like I was part of something special.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked haltingly, unsure of himself. I turned my head so I could see the reflection of the moonlight off of his eyes. He was so open, so tender. There was no facade, no bravado, none of the mask that his fame required him to wear. This was my Zac, this was my love.
And seeing him like that, wholly himself, his heart bared and insecurities showing, just like mine were, made me feel stronger than I ever felt before. He was giving himself to me in that one simple question, laying it all out on the line. If I said no now, I wouldn’t be rejecting Zac Hanson the drummer for the international sensation Hanson. I’d be rejecting him, as he really was. There was no chance of that, of course, but it in doing that he showed me how much I meant to him.
My eyelids closed to slits, and I pushed myself up to his lips. He didn’t move as I gently brushed my lips against his. I put an arm around him to hold myself against him. I could sense the salt, waiting for me to extend my tongue to taste it, and I hungered for it. He rolled from his side to his back, and spread his arms wide on the bed, letting me hover softly over his lips like a gentle ravisher. He closed his eyes and we kissed.
I didn’t lay on top of him. Instead I moved from his side, letting my lips make the only contact between our bodies. I braced myself with one arm arced over him and pressed my tongue against his teeth, begging him to let me in. Soon I felt his tongue extending out through his teeth, touching the tip of mine and receding in a game of tenderness unlike any other. If ever I could stop time and live in a moment, that would be the moment I would choose.
Our kiss grew, from tender to loving to intimate to passionate, our breathing escalating but never anything but relaxed. We took our time, determined not to be pressured into a sexual frenzy, but to a state of love like no other. If two people could become one, we did then. I felt myself sinking down into him even as I moved to his neck, causing him to turn his head from side to side as I slowly consumed the sweet flavor his skin had to offer. I kissed him, and suckled his soft skin like a babe searching for new life. His hands clenched the empty air, his sexual desires giving way to his need to be loved.
I hovered over the indention where his neck met his chest, sucking it and dipping my tongue into the tiny recess. He moaned softly, delicately, almost like a sigh, and I could feel the vibrations with my lips. I kissed it harder, trying to coax more from the well of golden sound. I moved to his collarbone, tracing the s-shaped mystery with my lips from his throat to his shoulders and back. I felt his shoulders bunch up and relax, the sensations that I was giving him causing him to react in new and uncertain ways.
I felt lost again, but not like I usually did. I felt like I lost my mind. I wasn’t thinking with my mind: I was thinking with my heart. My heart didn’t take note of the fact that the area between his shoulders was rather small. My heart didn’t take note of the fact that the area had been covered before. The only thing I knew, and with absolute certainty, was that the love of my life lay beneath me, and that what I was doing was giving him pleasure greater than anything he knew. And as long as it continued to give him pleasure I was willing to continue, without any regrets. But I also knew there was something greater, a gut feeling that urged me on.
I traced over every inch of his skin, taking my lips from his shoulders to his chest. I paused over his nipples, knowing how sensitive he was there. I opened my mouth a little and set my lips down around it, soaking it in the moist heat of my mouth. I felt it tighten immediately, without anything from me. He pushed his chest up off the bed, arching his back in an attempt to raise the intensity of what he was feeling, to sate his hunger. Minutes passed before, exhausted, he slumped back down. His body was hot, and covered in a thin film of sweat, the scent of which was sweeter than any honey. I traced a line between his nipples, luxuriating in the salty nectar.
This time I wrapped my lips around him and slowly circled my tongue around it. He gasped and his chest bucked under the weight of the warmth. I inhaled, filling my nostrils with the golden strawberry scent that he wore like a perfume. It teased me, coming and going, stronger then weaker, sometimes not there at all, but its promise always making me mad with lust.
Slowly his breathing withered into regular pattern, and his body turned to that state of sated euphoria. I let him catch his breath, and then I left his nipple. I went back to his mouth, and he kissed me with the tenderness and love that comes between sex and sleep. But I wasn’t finished. I only stayed at his mouth for a short time, allowing him only a moment to revel in the post-sensory overload state of near-exhaustion before moving back to his chest. This emotion we shared, the love I was giving, was far more tiring than any physical exhertion.
I pushed the sheet down to his waist, baring his stomach to the night air. I watched him breath for a minute, watched as his rib cage expanded and his stomach grew, and then as it went flat again. I felt dizzy from staring at the pool of pure white flesh before my eyes, mesmerized by its irridescence, its silkiness. Somehow my mouth found its way over his belly button, and with my teeth I tried to slowly eat him. I pushed my lips against his skin, sucking and delving with my tongue at the same time. I felt his muscles tense underneath, and I widened the grip my lips had on him. He took a deep breath and held it while I pushed harder and harder against him, all the while sucking more and more of his soft skin into my mouth.
And then I let him go. His breath escaped his lips with a sigh and he relaxed back onto the bed, a smile growing across his face. In the pale moonlight he looked like a marble statue. His skin looked polished, and his face had a form and grace I’d never seen before. I moved up and kissed his bottom lip, carefully biting down and sucking on it. He moaned and I let go, only to grab hold of his mouth and push it wide open with passionate fury. His tongue met mine and we curled and twined, moving with each other in a unison like none other. I lifted my head and looked into his eyes, deep mirrored pools of starry love, and down into his soul.
I love you, I said with my eyes. His eyebrows arched in surprise; he didn’t expect me to say it with my soul. He relaxed and I felt him searching deep within, isolating the one feeling that we both shared and pushing everything else away. I felt it when it came into focus for him, as it became the only thing that he knew. I could feel it grow in him, as he sacrificed himself to it as I had, as he let go of everything for the one thing he knew to be true. His eyes caught mine, and something passed between us without us knowing it. And then I heard it.
"I love you," said his voice in my head.
I was excited beyond belief. I can’t explain it, it was just so amazing. It was wonderful, the feeling I got from that. We both grinned at the same time at the effect of the exchange, and then something clicked and we got serious again. My body raged with desire, but it was the desire to fulfill Zac’s every wish, to make him feel complete, whole. I flashed a wicked grin and went back to his belly-button, toying at it with my tongue like before. Unlike before, though, there was nothing holding back the sheer desire that burned in our veins.
I slipped my loose hand to his waist and pushed the sheet down to his knees, baring his tented boxers. I lifted the waistband up and over him, running my pinky down the front of it as I pulled down his boxers. I laid my head down on his stomach and cupped his balls in my hand, my thumb hooked around the base of his shaft. I inhaled the golden smell of clean Zac, somehow finding that strawberry smell beneath the layers soap and shampoo.
His breathing went shallow as I slid my head down his stomach and placed my lips around his head, slowly coaxing him into my mouth. I took him in as deep as I could, and then deeper. With one hand I massaged his balls, running a finger between them to his hole and back, while at the same time masturbating him with my tongue. My mind flared and my intensity increased. I could feel him tightening, getting ready for the inevitable. I slacked off, letting him calm down a little. Then I let him slide almost completely out of my mouth, leaving only his head in its warm confines.
I slid the tip of my tongue across his slit, pushing it open and tasting the small amount of precum that always came right before Zac did. I knew it drove him nuts, and I sped up my actions, carefully flicking my tongue faster and faster over his slit. I felt him tense and heard him moan. I felt the sheets go tight as he gripped them and stuffed them in his mouth to muffle his sounds. His cock twitched in my mouth and he started to spurt, long jets of cum hitting the back of my neck and running down my hungry throat. His back arched as spasm after spasm wracked his body and he filled my mouth with his greatest gift.