This is my first story, and yet I think the hardest thing to write so far has been this header. Ill say it simply: if youre reading this and you arent supposed to, then just dont get caught. If I told you not to read it Id be a hypocrite, because thats exactly what Id do in your position, and I can hardly blame you for being curious at the very least. But be warned-this story contains sexual innuendo concerning innocent acts between two boys: myself and Zachary Hanson. None of it actually happened, or indeed ever will, Im sure, but hey, I can dream cant I? No slight intended on Mr. Hanson, of course, for whom I have the utmost respect and regard.
Bastian and Hanson: "The Kiss" (b/b)
Zac's watch beeped silently to itself. Well, not exactly silently, but really really quietly. I've never been a heavy sleeper, and beeping always wakes me up for some reason. Zac was still out, and I still had my hand on his chest. I felt restless, like I just woke up from an unplanned nap and had too much energy to burn before bedtime, which I knew was too close. I looked at the clock on the vcr and saw that I'd only been sleeping for slightly less than an hour. It felt longer than that, but maybe I was just really tired when I crashed. In any case I wasn't any more, and what's more, I had to go to the bathroom. Rather inconvenient, I thought.
From the smell of it, dinner was done, and from the noises coming from the kitchen, everyone was eating. I could hear Taylor and Dean laughing about something, and Taran was saying something. I heard the bodyguard mumble something and then Isaac said something about waking up sleeping beauty. Then I realized exactly what he meant when the door to the kitchen opened and he came striding into the darkened living room. He didn't say anything for a while, but instead motioned to the kitchen. Taylor, Dean, and Taran came out and stood watching us for a while. From where I was laying, I had my left eye open just enough so I could see, and it was so soon after I'd woken up I could manage to keep my right eye closed convincingly enough. They couldn't see my open eye, but I could see them, or rather their legs. They thought I was still asleep.
"What do you think, should we do it?" Ike asked.
"We could just let them sleep. They've had a long day," Taylor said complacently and condescendingly, in overdone motherly fashion I thought. I could hear the humor in his voice and it made me kind of angry. I lifted my hand from Zac's chest and flipped him the finger. At least I hoped it was Taylor I flipped off. I heard someone stifle a laugh.
"Hey, dude," Taylor said, "I didn't mean to piss you off. It's just you look so cute like that."
He stifled another giggle. "Besides, it's not every day that someone can keep Zac down for more than five minutes."
"Fuck you," Zac said. Taylor must have woke him up. He made no move to get up. Instead, he just leaned further back into me.
"Woah, looks like we've got a rebellion on our hands," Taylor said.
"Why can't you just leave us alone? We were sleeping. What were you doing, huh Taylor?"
"Nothing you'd want to listen to, I'm sure. Or maybe you would. Would you like to know what I was doing, Zac?" Taylor teased.
"Not particularly, no, thank you."
"Then why don't you get up and have dinner? Ike cooked."
Zac made a disgusted sound.
"Ugh, I think I'll order pizza instead."
"Come on, it's not that bad. Jim helped."
Zac sighed. "What is it?"
"Burgers. Burnt, just like you like em," Dean said.
"In that case, if you're still alive in ten minutes I might have one," Zac said. Then I remembered something.
"Hey, Taylor, didn't you say that someone was coming over?" If someone else was here and they'd seen us sleeping together I was gonna be real pissed.
"Yeah, but he couldn't make it. He might show up tomorrow."
"Good. Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, you understand we'll have to kill you of course," Zac threatened.
"I'd like to see you try it, little bro. Besides, I've got Dean here to protect me."
"That's right," Dean said, putting his arm around Taylor's shoulders protectively. They left for the kitchen with Ike and Taran in tow. Something about the way Taran was walking made me think he was upset about something. He hadn't said anything, though, so I just shrugged it off.
Zac and I waited a while to make sure they wouldn't come back.
"So," he said, "are you hungry?"
"Do you think you could let go? I've got to go to the bathroom."
"Sure," I said. I lifted my hand and he got up and disappeared down the hall. I waited for him to finish before following him. While I waited I thought about what we'd done. I decided I liked it. I secretly wished we could sleep together tonight, too. I just hoped I didn't pop a boner, I thought, and the thought gave me an immediate hard-on. I waited until he was in the kitchen before I got up. I didn't want him to see it. It was embarassing enough just having the thing whenever I thought about it.
I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself for a second. My hair was all over the place, just like Zac's, although it was much shorter of course. I had red marks all over my face, which hid my freckles but still looked ugly. I splashed some water on my face and tried to matt down my hair, but it didn't help any. I hate looking like I just got up. It's embarassing. Everything's embarassing.
Fuck it, I thought, and plunged into the kitchen. Everyone was standing, eating and talking. I squinted as the bright light hit my eyes. Outside the windows I could see it was raining heavily. No wonder I slept so long, I thought. I always get sleepy when it rains. The conversation was subdued because of the weather, the way the voices seem smaller when nature tries to do its worst.
"Hey, you're up. Good. Now we can watch tv," Taylor said.
"Yeah, you know, that boxy thing with buttons on it? Moving pictures and all?"
"I know what a tv is. What's on?" It hit me that these were real kids just like me, and that sometimes even musical geniuses sat down to watch tv and eat dinner.
"Austin Powers. HBO. Good," Zac said, slipping past me and out the door, his mouth half-full with burnt beef. I soon followed and sat down next to him on the couch. Ike disappeared into his room, from where guitar sounds soon came. Taylor and Dean said something about having seen Austin Powers too many times, and they and Taran went to another room to play video games. Jim just sat in the kitchen like before, flipping through some magazine.
This was somewhere around the fifth time I'd seen Austin Powers, so I felt free to ignore it as I saw fit. Instead, my attention was riveted to the blond god sitting next to me. Have you ever noticed that, no matter how many times you've seen a movie before, if you watch it with someone you like you always find something new to laugh at that you never noticed before? That's what happened here. Every chance we got we laughed until our sides hurt, then stopped and rested a minute before starting again. And the whole time I was laughing I did so because I was more happy than I remembered being for a long time. Ever since my parents died there'd been this hole in me that Zac's presence somehow seemed to fill. I don't know what came over me.
There's a difference between laughing because you're happy and laughing because, if you don't, you'll go crazy. For once insanity wasn't knocking on my door, at least not in a recognizable guise. But I still couldn't help feeling a bit light-headed when his knee bumped mine, or when he reached out to clap me on the shoulder. Halfway through the movie we were holding hands, and I didn't pay attention to the rest of it. The whole of my consciousness was riveted to my right hand, and the small treasure it held. A simple gesture, holding hands, and yet so powerful. It makes a statement, like saying this is mine. And, truthfully, I felt like I belonged to someone again, and that someone finally belonged to me. And I kind of liked it.
I just wished I could keep my heart from shaking when things like this happened.
I didn't even know that the movie was over. I was staring at the tv, but I didn't see anything. I felt like I was somewhere else. I'd forgotten completely where I was and what I was doing. The only thing I could feel was the sudden wholeness in me, as if a part of me that was missing was suddenly found. I woke from my dream with a start and turned to see Zac looking as shy as it's possible for Zac to look. I was aware of how dark the room was, and of the music coming from the credits. Then the credits ended and the music died, and the room was dark and silent. I could see Zac's eyes, peering at me bashfully. I realized that Zac had just kissed me, and that's what brought me back.
I didn't think about it. There was no decision involved. I loved this kid, who I hadn't known only a day before. This boy, as foreign to me as possible; famous, rich beyond imagining, and better looking than I'd ever thought existed. He was like a god, etched in stone and given skin with which to roam the earth. And somehow he'd found me, and I'd found him. Something clicked, and then I did something I never thought I'd do, no matter what.
I didn't say anything; words weren't necessary. I jumped on him, pinning him to the couch under me. I held myself up on my arms and looked into his eyes. I felt like he was looking into my soul, and that I was seeing his. I saw stars in his eyes, behind the glassy exterior. They swirled and spinned into infinity. A deep infinity that I couldn't tear myself from. They hypnotized me and drew me in, threatening to destroy my mind and my resolve. I had to do it, if only to save my sanity and my soul, teetering as it was on the brink of self-destruction. I felt like I was jumping off a cliff, and I couldn't see the ground so far below me. I could hear the air rushing past me, could feel it clawing on my face and tearing at my body. And then the world was quiet and dark again, filled only with the pinpoints of light I saw in his eyes.
And then I kissed him, and I fell to the earth with only the sound of his heart filling my head and the heavens.
I kissed him gently at first, softly pressing my lips to his, experiencing the moment, expirementing with the feeling. He was still under me, and I lowered myself slowly until we were millimeters apart. I could feel little electric sparks shoot between our chests, flying from his heart to mine and back. He was surprised for a moment, and then the surprise wore off and he started to return the emotion. His hands were at his sides, he was laid out over the length of the couch. I could feel his arms shaking tensely, as if he were trying to decide where to put them exactly. I left his mouth to move to his nose. I loved that nose, so perfect, so small. It stood like a watchdog over his smooth lips, and I brushed it lightly first with my own nose and then with my lips. I moved up to his forehead and he whimpered quietly, his eyes half-shut. I couldn't argue with him, so I moved back down to take care of his mouth like he wanted. I have plenty of time for everything else, I thought.
He brought his left knee up between me and the back of the couch, dropping my legs down between his, my left foot draped over the top of his right ankle. I was getting hard again, and I slowly lowered myself onto him. I could feel him through the light fabric of our bathing suits, just as hard as I was, if not harder. He bucked his hips into mine and smashed his lips to mine with more ferocity than I'd expected, making me feel at once overwhelmed and dizzy. I felt him put his hands, ever so lightly, on my sides just above my hips. His hands were like butterflies, grazing my skin and then lifting off again, only to land again quickly and then take off again just as quickly.
I rubbed my legs against his, the nylon of our shorts felt so good against my smooth skin and made the movement silky and smooth. My heart was racing, and I was really nervous. My whole world once again existed solely of Zac, and of his lips and smooth body. But it wasn't to his body that I was making love. It was his heart, his personality. It had touched me deeply when I found out how worried he was for me when I hit my head last night, and then again today when he tried to apologize for kissing me. He was so shy, and yet so outgoing. He was everything I wanted to be-bright, good-looking, famous-and yet he was everything I hadn't thought of caring, kind, capable of the greatest things. And yet he was timid, just like I was, but that didn't mean he was afraid to be himself, I thought as I remembered the night before and his table-dancing.
And then he did something that was completely Zac. He put one hand on my right shoulder and wrapped his legs around mine. Then he pushed off the couch and rolled me onto the floor with him on top. We landed with a thud, but we never broke our kiss. He was in charge now, pinning me with himself and rubbing his hips against mine with a passion, our hard-ons straining urgently against each other for some imminent release. I wrapped my hands around him and held him close, his mouth dancing over mine in haphazard motions, not too sure where to stay and when to move on. Our chests were pressed closely together, and he rose and fell with every breath I took. Our hearts beat in time to another, shaking our bodies with every contraction. We were loving each other in the only way we knew how, nervously of course, and with the jerky moves of amateurs who wanted to experience everything at once.
I could feel a tightness in my stomach, and his thrusts into me were getting more and more urgent. Then suddenly he kissed me stronger than ever before and ground himself into me with finality. I felt it too, a sort of surge in my pants, a warmth I'd never felt before but nevertheless filled me with adrenaline. I lost control and started to buck my hips, causing Zac to do the same. I could feel heat above where my now-tender hard-on was pressed into my abdomen, with Zac's less than an inch away, and I realized that I'd cum in my shorts, something I'd heard the kids joke about at school but had never experienced myself.
Zac collapsed on top of me, his head cradled between my head and shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close, sighed, and then reached out to kiss his ear. I felt spent; tired and empty somehow, but on the whole very good. I felt a warmth in my body, permeating down to my bones, and as Zac heaved a contented sigh I knew he felt it, too.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear. Then he rolled off to one side and lay sprawled out next to me.
"That was great," he whispered, awestruck. I couldn't say anything at all-I was still stuck in the emotion of it. I just made love to Zac Hanson, the cutest kid on the planet, whom I loved more than anything. I was still getting my breath and coming down off of the best feeling I'd ever felt.
"Sebastian?" He said nervously.
"Wow," I said. He smiled wanly and reached out with his hand for mine, squeezing it reassuringly.
In the darkness I smiled and whispered, "I love you, Zac," for the first time.
That was when I realized, with terrifying clarity, that I was gay.
If you like this story, you can ring me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you don't like it, its not my fault. But you can still ring me up and tell me why it disagreed with you. If youre interested in the whole thing, it can be found at members.tripod.com/hegone under "Dominick". §