Disclaimer: This is a work of complete fiction. I don't own any rights to MTV's Teen Wolf or any of the characters created by Jeff Davis. However I do own the rights to the characters I create.
*Note: I don't watch a large amount of Teen Wolf, therefore if I get something wrong or incorrect please forgive me. I also plan on making a few creative alterations.
**Thank you for all the sweet emails, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Please bare with me, this was a difficult piece to write.
Big Bad Wolf
(Quote from Spy – "...grab a tissue because shits about to get real sad."
I had been trying to find Derek all week, Stiles hadn't seen him, neither had Scott. I didn't believe either of them, they knew but weren't telling me, obviously at his request. I would go out late at night into the forest and cry out his name. "Derek please just talk to me." Nothing, nothing but the quiet of the night, which at one time was soothing, now was more painful than words could express. I thought I saw a glimpse of those icy blue eyes, to which I ran towards. "Derek please don't leave me." But again the silence of the night was all I heard.
Hours turned to days and days turned to weeks, summer was coming as was graduation. Time had stopped for me, nothing was the same. Food tasted horrible, I didn't sleep much because every time I did I would see Derek's face. My once love had become my nightmare. One evening there was a knock at my door, I walked over and cracked it open a few inches. Scott and Stiles were looking at me, shocked at my reflection.
"Hey Mace we came to see if you were okay. We heard you are one of our valedictorians, congratulations."
"Not anymore. I passed on it." My voice was hoarse.
Scott spoke up "What why, it's a great honor."
"I don't care about honor."
"How are you going to walk and not be valedictorian?"
"I'm not walking either, the school sent me my diploma already as I requested. I'm not going to be apart of any of that. What's the point, no family, no friends, no loved ones."
"If you pass this up I'm sure it's not going to look good on your transcripts." Stiles said with concern.
"I don't care, what would I go to college for?"
Stiles was still trying, "Art obviously."
"I stopped doing that nonsense a while ago. I haven't picked up a brush or pencil in weeks and I don't care to."
"Okay Mace you're really freaking us out. What are your plans if you're not going to college or doing art?"
I shrugged my shoulders "I really don't care." My tone sounded defeated but honest as well. "I need to go you guys, thanks for checking in on me."
I quietly shut the door, not letting them say or ask anything else. That night I fell asleep and dreamed of him, he was walking away from me. Derek stop...but he didn't, he never turned. I woke screaming in the dark, as I had every time I fell asleep. I was covered in sweat and all I could do was cry.
Graduation came and went, Scott and Stiles knocked on my door the morning of, but I didn't answer. I peaked through the curtain and saw them in their cap and gown, I didn't want to hear them try to convince me to attend so I went to my room and shut the door. The knocking and bell ringing eventually went away. A few more weeks went by before I couldn't take the pain anymore, the bleakness of my mind had set in. I sat down at my desk and wrote a letter. It wasn't long, but it got my point across. I finally took off my bracelet, the gift he'd given me, and put it in the envelope along with my note. With cold hands I picked up the phone and called Scott.
"Hey Scott, it's Mace."
"Hey we haven't seen you in weeks, are you doing better?"
"Could you come by please. I need a favor."
"Sure no problem."
I hung up and waited. About an hour later both Scott and Stiles came by. I didn't let them in, blocking the doorway.
"Hey I hope you don't mind, but Stiles is the one with the wheels."
"It not a problem."
"Dude have you been eating you look really sick?"
"Yeah I just have a bug, flu or something." I lied, it's terrible how easy lying can be.
"Okay, well take care of yourself. So what is this favor you need?"
"I need you to take this to Derek."
"We don't know where he..." They both started in unison, which I interrupted.
"I know you both know where he is or at least how to get in touch with him. Please don't lie to me." I've become a hypocrite as well, telling them not to lie to me when I just finished lying to them. I handed Scott the letter with tears in my eyes. He could see the pain on my face.
"I'll give it to him."
"Thank you, now I need...I need to...go you guys." I started to cry, but before anything else could be said I shut the door.
I could hear Stiles as he walked down the steps, "He looks so bad, Derek is fucking killing him."
"It was true Derek was killing me."
I turned out the lights in the living room and went to the bathroom. After setting up a few things I got undressed and drew a bath.
**Derek was dealing with his own issues, being split apart from Mason wasn't the easiest thing. He would find himself running in wolf form trying not to make his way to the manor. One time he did, he saw Mace and Mace saw him, but Derek ran. He heard him calling for him, crying for him, but he couldn't be with Mace it was too dangerous. He'd asked Scott and Stiles to keep a close watch on him but soon they told him nobody had seen Mace. Concerned, Derek one night ran to the manor and hid in the shadows, he was outside the window listening to Mace struggle to get sleep. He could hear him crying out his name, "Derek please come back, don't leave me alone."
I can't go back with him, it's too risky he will eventually move on. Derek thought
It had indeed been weeks since anyone seen Mason. The last time I saw him he wasn't doing to well but I stuck to my guns and kept away. I did want to see him walk at graduation, hiding out of sight just to share in his achievement, only to be told by Scott that he didn't want to attend. I figured he was moving on and I didn't want to get in the way of that process.
It was around 7pm that I got a knock at my door. It was Scott and Stiles, they looked concerned.
"Hey Derek. We just spoke with Mason. He is really not doing well." Scott said
"He'll get passed it." I had to remain cold and uncaring even though that was not the truth.
"What the hell is your problem Derek you're killing him. Do you know he's not drawing or painting anymore? He's not going to college. I didn't want to tell you before but he has given up."
"Well, that's on him."
Stiles spoke up this time, "You really are a heartless asshole."
I watched as he turned and got into his Jeep, waiting for Scott.
"Here he gave this to me and asked if I would deliver it to you. I figure we owed him that much for standing by and watching him slowly fall apart."
Scott roughly pushed the envelope into my hand and shook his head as he went back to the jeep with Stiles. Unmoved I watched as they sped off into the night.
I opened the envelope with some hesitation and noticed not only the piece of paper but the bracelet I had made for him. I knew this was his way of saying that he moved on and wanted to give me back my gift. It hurt, I'll be honest but I knew it was for the best. When I opened the letter, knowing what it was going to say, I suddenly realized just how wrong I was.
I am sorry I wasn't good enough, you deserve better. I know whoever you pick to be your mate she will be courageous, beautiful, intelligent, and strong; qualities I will never possess. I blame myself for what happened and I know what you did was for the best, you showed me that I overreached. I'm giving you your bracelet back because it was never meant for me. I was never your true mate. I hope one day you can forgive me as I have forgiven you. And I hope to see you again in another life.
A few tears fell, he blamed himself, I broke not just his heart but his spirit. I was confused by how he felt this way and what did he mean by seeing me again in another life. Just as that entered into my mind panic took hold. "Oh god Mason."
I turned and ran out of the house and into the woods. I could only hope I wasn't too late.
I let the water get nice a hot before filling the tub. After a few minutes I stepped in and laid back, when the water reached above my chest I turned off the faucet. It was calming this bath, funny I don't remember any others before. As I lay here trying my best not to think about Derek his image popped into my mind. My eyes stung as more tears came until I couldn't take it anymore, the grief was too much, at least too much for me to handle. I glanced over at the razor blade I'd set down minutes before I got undressed. With what strength I had I reached over and grasped hold of the cold metal. "No more pain, Derek forgive me" I whispered as I slid the blade across my left wrist and then across my right, which was difficult as I had cut deep, blood had started to mix with the water. I tossed the razor down and let my hands fall to my sides. I could hear my heartbeat, but it wasn't long before I became drowsy. The beating was slowing down, soon everything went black.
I got to the manor, but couldn't hear Mason. I slid open the window in his studio, it looked out of place, dust had settled everywhere. The paintings were covered and the paint palettes were dry. I opened the door and was instantly hit with the scent of blood, Mason's blood. I panicked, quickly following the scent opening the bathroom door and almost fell down, "Mason no." He'd slit his wrists and was bleeding to death. "What have I done? Mason please...oh god."
I could barely hear his heart. I ran to call 911 and waited for them to arrive. Pulling him out of the tub and wrapping his wrists with towels; I traveled in the ambulance with him. The whole time I couldn't stop looking at his face. He was still beautiful, but his color was gone, now a deathly grey, there were deep purple circles under his eyes from sleep deprivation, he lost so much weight from not eating. I kept fidgeting, the EMT was saying he could hardly hear his heart.
By the time we arrived at the hospital Mace had lost a great deal of blood. I was informed by the EMT's and nurses that I had to remain in the waiting room. It had to have been three maybe four hours before a doctor came out,
"Hello I'm Dr. Torres you are here with Mr. Grant correct?"
"Yes, I'm his boyfriend." I figured this was the only way they would give me updates and possibly let me see him.
"Right, I am so sorry this happened. Your boyfriend is stable, he died for two minutes but we managed to bring him back. I have to ask, has anything like this ever happen before?"
"He got attacked a few months ago by a bear, but that's all. I am just as shocked, can I see him."
"I will go check and see if he is awake. Please wait here."
There were flashes of light, then darkness, then light, then darkness again, finally the light stayed. When I came to I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I was connected to an IV and a blood bag. I instantly broke down in tears, I covered my eyes with my hand and asked why when there was a sudden noise and the door opened.
"Aww Mr. Grant you are awake? Is everything alright, despite the obvious?"
I nodded, not wanting to talk. "Well I am Dr. Torres and I have to say if your boyfriend hadn't called and kept your wrist wounds sealed I doubt we would be talking right now."
"My boyfriend." I said this without a shred of compassion.
"Yes he is outside wanting to check on you. Now before I bring him in I need to know what happened?"
"I was careless with a box cutter."I said this with a tone of uncertainty.
"Mr. Grant I understand you are under a great deal of stress, but this is a serious situation and lying to a doctor who knows what a suicide attempt looks like is not going to help matters. You died for two minutes, I'm sure your boyfriend would be devastated if you had succeeded in your plan."
There were tears in my eyes now, "I understand."
"Good, I'll be right back."
As he walked out all I could do was sit up a fraction and wait. I turned my head and caught my reflection in the side of a metal shelf. I was slightly ashen in color and had dark U-shapes under my eyes, which were now were blood-shot, I was a mess. Soon enough I could hear down the hall the voice which use to set my heart ablaze, now all I felt was dread. First in walked Dr. Torres, then followed Derek. He looked the same, I half expected him to look somewhat different but clearly his choice wasn't difficult at all. Dr. Torres watched the both of us, probably not sure why we weren't more affectionate.
"Well I am going to let the both of you talk, if you need anything just buzz and the nurse will come."
"Thank you Dr." Derek said.
He shut the door behind him and I watched as Derek took a seat across from me. It felt like the last few months were compressed and concentrated into this one moment. I was a shook up soda ready to blow. I couldn't look him in the eye at first, all I could do was glance from the checkered floor tile to my hands which were shaking, the tears resting on the edge of my lashes. He spoke with a gentle tone, "Mason".
"Why?" I said..."why did you bring me back?" I became angry.
"Because I couldn't..." I didn't let him finish.
"So I can do it all over, watch you walk out again. Leave me darkness and shadow. You took everything from me, leaving me with nothing but fractured dreams and an empty house. What you've done is so cruel. Tell me what I did wrong, you owe me at least that explanation."
He swiftly came over towards me and went to grasp my hand to which I pulled away.
"Right now it would be wise for you not to touch me. Now tell me, what did I do so wrong that I deserved to be left abandoned?"
He looked down, hurt and ashamed. "You didn't do anything wrong. I was scared that I would lose you."
"So you broke up with me?"
"I wanted you to move on and find someone that made you happy."
"You made me happy, now look at me. Do I look very happy?"
At this point our eyes finally met. I saw sorrow, I'm sure he saw fury. I looked away not wanting to get trapped in his stare. "Do you hate me?" He whispered.
"No, you're forgiven, now you can go find your mate and make a pack of your own just like wanted. Now free of any guilt." My sarcasm was intertwined with pain.
"I lied. I said those things so you would leave me."
"Yet again you broke-up with me. I've got the answers I wanted...now I think you should leave."
"Don't you dare, don't you dare Mason please me. I spent weeks...tell me did I see you a few week after the incident, running in the forest?"
"And you ran away."
"Yes." He was now leaning on the edge of the bed, hands folder, eyes glassy with tears, looking down.
"That night I must've stayed out there for a few hours, crying and calling out your name until I was hoarse. I sat down at the tree where we first met. That's where the realization began to hit me that you weren't coming back."
"...you know what I'm not doing this right now. I'll ask you again please leave"
He looked defeated but stood up and walked to the door, I laid back, covering my mouth with my hand, trying to keep from sobbing.
"I will always love you Mason, you are my only mate and I am so sorry for hurting you this way."
After the door closed I rolled over and cried until I couldn't keep my eyes open and fell asleep. I woke an hour later to a nurse bringing me food. "I'm not hungry."
"Sweetie you have to eat." He had to be in his mid twenties.
"No, I want to be left alone. Please just leave me alone."
"Tell you what, you take a bite of this pudding and I will let you go back to sleep." I looked at him in disbelief but took a bite of the brown mess they called chocolate pudding. He smiled a comforting smile and took the tray out but before he left he turned. "You know my gram use to tell me besides love, forgiveness is one of the only things that truly matter in this world, that's why they're so complicated."
"Your gram sounds like a smart lady."
"She was." There was a genuineness in what he was saying. As he turned and left all I could do was think, sit and think. Soon enough sleep came upon me, thankfully there were no dreams. I woke in the morning to Dr. Torres saying that I had been released and that my ride was here. In walked Stiles and Scott who were happy to see me, but cautious as well. "Hey Mason we're going to take you home." Scott said.
"We snuck into your place and got you some clothes."
"Thanks."my eyebrow was cocked, they must have got in the same way Derek did.
"I will get dressed and be out in a second."
My clothes hung loose on my body, forcing me to face the reality of what I'd become. I made my way out and I could tell by Scott's expression he could see how much weight I'd dropped. They made me use a wheelchair until I got outside. Stiles climbed into the drivers seat, while Scott sat behind me. We drove in silence back to the manor. Stiles helped me out and up the stairs while Scott opened the door. The place looked cleaner than I remember.
"Stiles and I stayed up and cleaned your place, even the bathroom. It's all taken care of. Just so you know we are sorry for not telling you that we knew, Derek made us keep our mouth shut. He wanted to make sure you were okay. For what part we had to play again we're really sorry man."
"It's okay you guys, you were just doing what your friend asked, I'm not mad."
"We're your friends to Mason." Stiles spoke up.
"Thanks and thank you for cleaning my place."
"No problem. We better let you get some rest, if you need anything just give us a call."
"I will, thank you again." We shared a hug and I waved goodbye as they drove off. I have never felt so lost.
The days seemed to drag, trying to find your way when you feel that you have no purpose is very difficult and confusing, leaving you alone and hollow. Derek was all I could think about, anger, sadness, longing, and love kept hitting me from multiple sides when he would pop into my head. No matter how hard I tried to push these thoughts away I couldn't, like being in the middle of the ocean on a tiny raft falling apart, drowning. The gaping sea that was Derek was grasping hold of everything within my soul.
It was warmer than normal in the manor so I left my bedroom window open listening to some soft music trying to let my mind shuffle through all the chaos. I suddenly heard foot steps, forcing me to turn my head in the direction but upon seeing his face through the sheer curtain all I could do is stare. At first I thought I was hallucinating, possibly dreaming, but as he stopped and watched me, eyes red from crying I became aware of the genuineness of the moment. I dropped my head but remained seated not sure what to do, slam the window shut or see what he wanted, I chose the latter. He began to speak, for the first time his voice seemed unsure.
"I know you don't want to see me or talk to me, but I am hoping you are willing to hear me out. These days and months apart have, I know been torture for you and for that I am the one to blame. I want you to know that it was not painless for me as it is still. To know you're the cause of your mates despair is the worst form of discipline. You don't need to forgive me, I don't deserve it. I want you to know that without you this place remains endlessly dark. You once said to me in the forest that I gave you hope, of a chance at an existence. You are the one who gives me hope of an existence away from all the pain and death that surrounds my mind. No matter how long it takes I will be waiting for you Mace, I don't want to be with anyone else. I'll leave you alone now, thank you for at least listening to me"
With that he walked away. I was about to run after him but my body remained planted.
* I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Feel free to email me with your thoughts. Sorry about not putting my email address before, here it is. (email@example.com) Keep reading and if you can donate to Nifty to keep this service free.