A Fresh Start

by WildHeart

Co-Authored by: Erotic Dreams


NEW WEBSITE: There is now a Love and Music website, where you will be able to find my stories and in time, many other great stories.

Love And Music Website

AUTHORS NOTES: I have opened a yahoo group for this story and any other that I write and any others that anyone would like to allow me to use. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LOVE-AND-MUSIC/ I would rather have stories about love, romance and or friends and family. I also hope to build a web site sometime soon, and would REALLY like to host other stories on that site, so if you have a story and would allow it to be posted, let me know. If anyone out there would like to help me with the web site please let me know. I want to thank my editor Dreamy for all the hard work and help!

Let me know if you enjoy the story, if you hate it, have ideas, opinions or whatever. Contact me at: WildHeart

This story is being written in journal form. There may be chapters with journal entries from one or more people and those will be noted as such. If you are looking for quick sex, look elsewhere. At some point sex will take place but only in the context of the story. This is a journey of learning to be yourself, meeting new friends, finding love and building new families.

You will find that dates in this story do not coincide with real events, this is all made up and you will find other examples of that as well in this story.

Note: We have all agreed to share journal entries if, in fact, we were keeping them.

Justin’s Journal


Man you would not believe my day today. I just had to go and check out this new record store I had been hearing advertised a lot. I figured it would just be another store ya know? Man was I ever wrong.

First the place is huge; second they have everything there, or will order it. Hell they even have a couple of our tour books in one of the display cases. I was like fucking amazed.

The one thing that I noticed right away is that they also trade collectable's too, so when I looked around and saw nothing with an autograph I was a bit confused, but then decided that they must keep that stuff locked away.

I looked around for like an hour and didn’t buy anything. I wanted to, but the place was so crowded that I figured that if the clerk had noticed me and said my name loud enough I would have been mobbed.

I am going to go back though, but the music and stuff is not the only reason. There was one guy working there that was absolutely gorgeous. I could have spent the entire time in the store just looking at him.

I swear this closet is suffocating me. I know that I need to get out of it, but I have no idea how to do it, and still keep my career. I don’t think I can date someone and keep them hidden. It is not fair to them or me. I love my career, but if I found the right guy, I would be more than happy to give it all up.

Well I guess that I should be honest with myself, I am not totally in the closet, but I am not out either. I just thought about that, I mean the number of people I am out to, is so small that it is not funny. I remember the first time I told anyone about it. I told Britney when I was 13, and she was like so what.

I never really had the struggle with myself that so many guys talk about. To me it was just a simple matter, I looked at naked girls and went limp if I had even been hard, but one look at a guy and I was rock hard right away. There was no way I was anything but gay and I knew it. I guess I had to deal with some of the issues that come with it, like would I be rejected by my friends, family, etc.

I think that I may have had it better than most, because I came out to Britney first and she was so cool about it. Hell she told me that anytime I needed a date or anything like that, she would be glad to help. The day I told her, we talked for hours. I will say one thing, she is a much better actor than I had ever imagined. Brit decided that sex appeal would be her ticket to the top and she has used it perfectly. She plays the ditsy blonde so well it is scary. No one would ever imagine that she is a shrewd businesswoman.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, she gave me her full support right from the very first minute. Then the next couple of people I told, all friends from school, were cool about it as well. That support gave me a base of support that many do not have.

It wasn’t until I told my so-called friend Vic about it that I ran into my first bad experience. Vic called me every name in the book and stormed out, leaving me stunned. I was really upset about it and I could not get in touch with Brit, so I called Stubby, his nickname, and told him about it. He came over a bit later and told me not to worry about it.

He said that either Vic would come around or he wouldn’t and if he didn’t, then he was not a real friend anyway. Then he told me that most of the other guys thought that Vic was gay, and just did not want to admit it. That was the first time I had heard of someone denying what they were. I mean I knew that some just did not tell others, but to be verbally abusive to gays simply to avoid others thinking you are gay? That just made no sense to me, still doesn’t really.

I told the other guys in the group before out first tour. It turned out to take a bit of convincing. They had bought in the to Justin/Brit thing. Once I convinced them that I was in fact gay, with Brit’s help, they then told me about themselves. Turns out that Josh and James are both gay, and Joey is tri-sexual, try anything once. Of course since then, I have noticed that Joey is exclusively attracted to only guys. Poor Chris is our token straight guy.

Coming out to my folks was not hard for me once I had decided to do it. They all handled it well, except my mom. She had a fit about it, but not cause she thought it was wrong, or because she worried about how I would be treated, or any of the other things that parents should be worried about, no it was because of my career. She was worried that he little money train would end. Well her attitude did end her money train.

I bought my house one week later, and Josh moved with me. I have no contact with her anymore. I talk to my step-dad, dad and bros regularly, but I refuse to talk to her. Maybe someday I will forgive her, but that day is not coming anytime soon.

Now back to the hot looking guy at the record store. I want to talk to him, but I am afraid he is one of those guys who are all looks and no personality or stuck on themselves. I guess I know all about that, I have been given the role of the stuck on himself, egomaniac by the record companies and management. I got that role, cause I am so shy at interviews and stuff that my answers always come across as stiff. Oh well, shit happens I guess.

I hope that I can work up the nerve to talk to the guy. I can at least ask a question about the music or something that should be safe enough. Oh well I will try to go back later this week.

Oh man, I need to remember to tell the guys about that store too. Of course I think I should wait til I actually buy something so I can show them what I bought.

Bye 4 now,

J out

Josh’s Journal

August 13, 1998

Hi journal, well today has been a wild day. Just has been bugging me to go to this new record store, for the last couple of days, and today we went. Well I should say we went together, but Just went out into the mall for a bit to give us both time to go in and not be noticed.

All I can say about the place is WOW. It was amazing. They have just about anything you could want. I looked and they had stuff that we had only released in Japan and others we had only released in Europe. I was amazed to say the least. They had all our tour books, from the states, and from around the world.

I know that at least one of the employees noticed who I was, but they did not do anything to call attention to me, in fact they treated me just like anyone else. It was honestly cool to just be a normal customer. I noticed Justin walk in and no one noticed him either.

By the time I left, I had told Just that I still had more shopping to do and would meet him at the food court later. I had spent a ton of money in that store and had several bags, so I decided to take them all to the car. I went out to the car and dropped off my bags and headed in.

I done more shopping and still wanted to do some more, when I heard “Oh my God that is JC” I turned to see a herd of teenage girls come running. I quickly ran out of the store I was in, but they followed me. I got to the car, and had to call security because more and more girls were surrounding the car. It was getting really scary, but then security started showing up and slowly moving them away.

I was a shaking nervous wreck and needed to go home. I called Justin and told him what had happened and that I wanted to go home for a bit, but I would be back to pick him up. He was cool with that, so I left.

Well that was my exciting day. I am going to tell the other guys about that store though.

Justin’s Journal

August 13, 1998

Well today I got the nerve to talk to the guy I told you about last time and man I feel stupid. Well not stupid, but sorta dumb. I guess I should describe the guy first. He is just a bit shorter than me, has emerald green eyes, tightly built, and blonde hair. I mean he is just down right edible.

Anyway, I asked him how to find an autographed picture of someone, and he told me that they do not buy, sell, or trade them. I could not believe that they would not deal with them, since they could make a lot of money from them. He told me that they thought that most of the autographs were fake and the ones that were not fake were most likely obtained by bugging the person. He told me that they knew people bugged stars and such when they were eating and at other times, and they did not want to be a part of that.

I was getting ready to ask something else, when the girl that was behind one of the counters came over, “Mr. Durbin, the scanner on my register is not working right, and I can’t get it to work.”

“Ok, I will be right there.’ He looked at me, "I am sorry Mr. Timberlake, but I have to get this fixed, or I will not make any money on that register today.” Then he flashed me a killer smile, and walked off.

I stood there mind melting from that smile, trying to figure out what had just happened. First he knew who I was, and was cool about it, then he was called Mr. Durbin, and then there was that comment about not making any money. Hmmm, I needed to find out more. He did not look old enough to be a manager or anything so I was just confused.

I walked to another area, and asked the clerk who he was, as I pointed him out. “Oh, that is Stevie Durbin; he is one of the owners of this place. He is such a cool boss, and this place is great to work for.” She gushed at me.

Owner? I thought to myself. Damn, and I did not think he was old enough to be a manager, let alone an owner. Oh well, I guess I was just judging him by looks and age alone.

I continued to look around, picking up more that I wanted to buy. I guess I must have been there for another hour or so before I had most of what I wanted. I thought I would leave some stuff, so that I would have excuses to come back to the store. :- )

That is it for now,

J out

Stevie’s Journal

August 13, 1998

Oh man I told Drew who I talked to today, and he was as excited as I was. I know that I saw JC come in too. That would just be too cool, having them come in regularly. I am sure that they would never talk to us on a personal level, but just the fact that they are there is soooo cool!

I just about had a heart attack when Justin started to talk to me. I knew that I could not make a scene or he would never come back to the store. I just about lost it again when I looked into those blue eyes of his. I could have fallen in them, and never came out, looking into those blue windows.

I made sure that Drew and I talked about the whole celebrity thing. He thought that we needed to hold a short staff meeting to ensure that the staff all knew that they could not get excited by any celebrity that came in, no matter who it is. We certainty couldn't afford to have excited staff making a scene.

I hope he comes in again soon.

Josh’s Journal

August 14, 1998

I just realized that the store that Justin took me to yesterday was the store that my chat buddy dmd was telling me about. I will have to go back, and check this out. I honestly did not think that he was telling me the truth when we talked about him moving down here and all.

Then when he told me about the house they had bought, and I saw them moving in, I could not believe it. He was moving into a house that was two doors away from me! I watched as they worked in the yard, and saw another guy move in and all. I thought then that maybe he was dmd’s lover or something, but there have been no indications of that from our conversations, so I am not sure what to think.

I have been trying to figure out a way to meet him, and now that I know he owns that store, I will be sure to go back often. Maybe I will be able to meet him. I am sure that I can get Justin to go with me, since he seems to love that store.

Well I need to go,



Over the next few weeks, Eric had arrived and got settled in. Justin and Josh continued to go to WallEyez on a regular basis, and they told the rest of the N’Sync about it as well. Over the course of time, they all went into the store, and fell in love with it. Howie learned from his boyfriend Joey about the store, so all the BSB’s had been in as well.

All the guys had avoided the Grand Opening, to avoid causing a scene. By that time all the guys knew who was interested in who. Josh had not talked to his internet buddy recently since they were all busy.

After the last tour and albums the guys in both bands wanted an extended period of time off and they were getting it. They had changed management, record labels, and now had almost total control over their careers. The changes they had made had allowed the guys in both bands to get close.

By the time December rolled around, Drew and friends were very comfortable with all the guys in both groups, as they had seen them in the store often. Josh and Justin had talked about Drew and Stevie, and had been trying to find a way to get to know them away from the store.


Justin’s Journal

December 9, 1998

I finally figured it out! We are going to have a Christmas party, and invite all the people at WallEyez to come to it. I can't wait to tell Josh, because we have both been trying to think of a way to get to know them, and this would be perfect.

We are going shopping Friday so we can invite them then. I know that the rest of the guys will come. Damn, I am so excited. This is perfect, it really is. None of the guys are going home for Christmas, except Chris. Hell, we can invite the BSB’s too, cause none of them are going home for Christmas either. This is great, we can have a big Christmas dinner and all. I can’t wait to tell Josh.

J out

Drew’s Journal

December 11, 1998

Today was an interesting day to say the least. It started normally enough, with Stevie and I talking about the fact that we had not expanded this year like we had hoped. This store had been so busy that we didn't have the time to look into other locations. We made the decision this morning that we would be making the time after the first of the year. We were going to miss out on a lot of Christmas business simply because we did not have the locations.

We decided that a second Orlando location was needed, and we intended to open stores in Tampa, Miami, Jacksonville, and look into at least 2 more Florida locations. If all goes well with them, we thought about Atlanta, NYC, LA, and Chicago. We are simply going to have to be more aggressive in our approach.

The day took a turn for the better, shortly after lunch. Stevie and I both noticed Justin and JC come into the store and instead of looking around like they usually did, it appeared they were looking for us. Once they had seen us, they came over and asked if they could speak to us in private.

We led them back into the office, thinking that something was wrong. I mean they had never done anything like this before. They were really good customers, in fact the stuff they bought had impressed me greatly and I think that they had given us a good recommendation as well, since the rest of the group and even the BSB’s had been in.

When we got into the office, Justin started the conversation.

“Guys, we all love this store and you guys have all been great about treating us as just normal people out shopping. Because of that, we all would kind of like to get to know you all better. Josh and I are having a Christmas party at our house on Christmas day, and we would like to invite you guys, and the whole staff here to come.”

“We are planning a large dinner and swimming and stuff the rest of the day, and we would really like all of you to come. We have invited all the guys in our group, and the guys in BSB’s as well. Chris is the only one who is not going to be able to be there. We really want your management team and any of your employees that can to come to the party.” Josh told us.

I looked at Stevie and he looked at me, and we both knew we would be there. I mean come on, like we are really going to pass up a chance to get to know these guys!!

I told them that we could come, and I would let the rest of the staff know about it, and let the guys know how many could come the next time they were in the store. They agreed and soon were on the way out to do some more shopping! I hoped we would be able to keep getting the stuff they wanted.

We called a meeting after we closed, and called in all the staff. Stevie told them about the party, and told them all that we would need to know who was going to go by the following Monday. I told them that this party was not for friends and shit, they needed to keep it to themselves as telling others about it, was grounds for termination. The guys were being great to invite us, and we did not need to piss them off by having a ton of people trying to show up.

It is time to crash so more later.

Josh’s Journal

Dec 11, 1998

Hello Journal, I am so excited. They said yes! They are coming to our party! Now I just have to decide how to get to know him better. It was one thing to get them to come to a party, but it was quite different to get him on a date. Though, I did wonder about something. Drew would soon know that I lived two doors down from him. I wonder how he would take it.

Anyway, we got planning to do.. talk to you tomorrow.

Justin’s Journal

December 14, 1998

We called the store today, called the rest of the groups, and got a final total of who was coming to the party. It looked like everyone but Chris was coming, which meant we had 19 people to plan for. It was definitely a job that we couldn't do on our own, so we decided to call a caterer. Once we called them, and had the plans in motion, we called around to give everyone notice that the party would begin around lunch time, though they were welcome to come by earlier in the morning if they wanted to.

While on the phone with the guys, they all told us that they would like to come early, and just stay the night at Josh's so they wouldn't have far to go for the party the next day. That way they could spend all day Christmas with us. Josh of course, being the guy he was said it was ok. So that meant that the house would definitely be very full of people. Since they were all coming over early, Josh and I decided to have a little Christmas Eve party, and I thought I would call Stevie later and ask if he and Drew wanted to come to it. 

I was really taking a chance that Stevie liked me as much as I thought he did. The more I talked to Stevie, the more I liked him. It was kinda funny in a way. Josh and I were best friends, and we really liked two brothers. Of course, what wasn't there to like? For two guys to be so young, owning a successful business, and everything else, he definitely was something to behold. Not only that, both were so cute... one couldn't help but to like them.

I am going to go call Stevie... talk to you later Journal.

J out

©2004 by WildHeart