Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 16:03:21 EDT
From: LissaAGreen@aol.com
Subject: A Love So Blind Chapter 8

Back to Jason, about an hour earlier...

I didn't know what to think. I've only met Lance a couple of days ago and
already I got him mad at me. I didn't want to turn him down, but I didn't
want to leave my best friend stranded here either.

"Well is he coming over?" asked tommy. I sighed and shoock my head. "He and
and Josh made plans tonight." "Who's Josh?" "A friend of his." "Really? Is he
cute? More important, is he single?" "How do I know? I think lance is pissed
at me." "Already? What did you do?" "How do you know it's my fault?" "Cuase I
know you." "I sorta broke a date with him." "Ouch, so right now he's all
alone in his hotel room right?" "Get your mind out of the gitter man, besides
I told you he was JC." "Ohh, I get it."
Tommy had this big grin on his face.
"Don't even go there Tommy, I trust Lance." "Do you?"

Good question. Do I trust him? What is he thinking Tommy and I are doing now?
Probably the same thing he and JC are doing. I didn't want to think about it.
I know I trusted Lance, he might have been pissed at me but he still loved
me, right?

Back at the hotel, Lance's thoughts...

I looked over at Josh. Waiting for his response. He looked nervous. I think I
went to far with the personal questions tonight.

"I'm sorry Josh, you don't have to tell me." "It's not that I don't want to
Lance, believe me! I've been waiting to tell somebody for a long time now,
but now it's too late. I would tell you, but there's no point."

At tht moment Josh started to cry. I felt so bad. I didn't mean to make him
feel worse then he did.
I put my arm around him for comfort. it broke my heart to see him so unhappy.

"It's ok Josh, I'm sorry,  shouldn't have brought it up again. I didn't know
it was such a touchy subject with you."

"I'll be okay. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have an outburst like that. I've
just been so, lonely I guess."

"I know what that's like. It really sucks to be alone so much. I sometimes
even wish I wasn't in the band and have a normal life, but I only wish that
when I'm really depressed. Since I've been hanging out with Jason, I haven't
had to feel so lonely."

"Jason is very lucky to have you. he better know how lucky he is."

Josh whiped the last of his tears out of his eyes. I couldn't stop myself for
what happened next even if I wanted to.
I leaned over and wraped my arms around Josh and brought him into a hug.
I couldn't stand watching his heart break every moment we talked. I just
hoped that helped ease any pain he was having.

I've never felt safer then when I was in Josh's arms. Even when I was with
Jason I had to admit this felt more right.

I guess with JC things were different. I mean we've been friends a couple of
years now. I know I'm not close to him like Justin is. They have this special
connection between each other.
True, I do have feelings fo Josh, maybe more then friendship. He was always
there for me when I felt lonely. whenever I needed some cheering up he would
drop whatever it was he was doing to come to my rescue. I guess that's why I
took Jason's canceling a little too hard.

I held Josh close in my arms. hopeing all the hurt would just dissapear.
he didn't seem to want me to let go.

"Lance, if I tell you who I love will you promise to not be mad?" "Of course
Josh." "Well, i've liked him for a long time and I know it's my fault for not
mentioning this to him ealier, and I'll always hate myself for not doing so.
it's you Lance, I've loved you for so long, When you we're dating Matt, it
broke my heart, only becuase I knew he wasn't treating you right." "Josh, I,"
"I know what your going to say, but please don't. One of the reason I didn't
tell you how I felt. I know your taken." "I was going to say, tha I'm sorry
you've been feeling so badly this whole time. And even back when I was with
Matt, I had strong feelings for you, I guess I always have. But I am in love
with Jason," "I know. I,"

I couldn't believe I had just herd him say the very words I wanted to tell
him so long. Fate really turned it's ugly head this time.
I do love Jason, but I really cared for Josh.
His heart was broken and it's becuase of me. I felt so awful.
Without even thinking a leaned forward and my lips met his and we shared a
long passionate kiss.

JC thoughts...

I was taken by surprised at Lance's kiss. It was the last thing I expected,
but the only thing I wanted for so long. My mouth slowly opened and invited
his tounge inside. I never imagined my first kiss with a guy would be with
the one I was in love with. I suddenly remember that he wasn't available and
pulled away.

"Wow!" I said breathlessly. "Tell me about it." "Your a good kisser!" "Your
not bad yourself. I'm sorry if I startled you." "No, don't be sorry. even if
it's just that one time, I'm glad it happened." "Me too."

I smled up at him. He has no idea how happy he had made me just then.
We cuddled next to each other and finished watching the movie. I think I was
in more in love with him at that moment then I ever had been before. It was
going to be hard to give him back to Jason the next day.

A few hours later after we have went to bed. I was awoken by Lance's
wimpering. in the bed next to me.

It was easily to tell that he was crying. My heart sank. I went over to the
side of  his bed and gently nudged him.

"What's wrong Lance? Bad dream?" "No, Bad memories I guess. Josh, I know this
is going to sound too forward of me, but would you mind sleeping with me? No
sex or anything, I just want to be in someone arms tonight." "You know I'd do
anything for you."

My other fantasy was coming true for me. I've always wondered what it would
be like to fall alseep in someone elses arms of the one you love.

I crawled in beside him and wraped my arms around his chest and pulled him
close.

"What we're you thinking about?" I asked. "About what an ass I've been."
"Well you can stop that right now, your not an ass." "Thanks Josh. I'm sorry
about tonight, I didn't," "Don't apologize Lance. like I said, I know that
would be the only thing that will happen between us but I'm glad it did." "Me
too. I just wished it happened sooner. You don't hate me do you?" "Hate you?!
Why would you even think that?" "I don't know. Our friendship means so much
to me. I guess your the only one in the group I can really depend on. I know
how close you and Justin are, but I feel we have some sorta of connection now
too, do you understand?" "Yeah. I do. That's why I could never hate you, no
matter who your dating or in love with, I won't like it, but I will always
love you. This i'm sure of." "I'll always love you too. I mean that."

I knew he did. Even though he was seeing someone else, I knew he meant it. I
pulled him closer and herd him breathing heavy, he was asleep. I gently kiss
him on the cheek and whishpered good night in his ear.
For me, for once it was a good night.

Back to Jason, a few hours earlier...

"You know you never told me his last name." said Tommy after we're finshed
watching the first movie. We had gobbled the last of the pork fried rice and
chicken fingers.
"Oh, actualy I've been trying to leave that out." I said embarrassed. "Why?
Does he work for the FBI or something?" he laughed at his stupid joke, wich I
had to admit was funny.
"No, nothing like that." "Do you have conncetions with the Mafia?" "No, he's
well, he's sorta famouse." "Famouse huh, how famouse? Do I know him?" "I
think so." "Please don't tell me your dating one of the Backdick boys?" "Hay!
Not that you wouldn't! I know you have an obsession over Brian. But no, but
your getting close." "I give up who is he?" "Lance Bass, fom *NSync." "Ohhh,
yeah I do know that group! Are you serious?" "Yeah, I wouldn't lie about
something like that." "Damn! How did you managed that one?" "You can thank
Sandra in a way."

I told him what happened. he had already known, but he didn't know what I got
out of the deal. A beautiful, wonderful caring boyfriend, who I 'd hope will
forgive me by morning.

"Damn, if i knew getting shot would give me the love of my life I would do it
in a heart beat." "I don't recomend that. I hurts so much. it still does."
"Kinda like a love bite." "A Hell of a lot worse then that." "So then, back
to his friend Josh, or I should say JC," "How did you know that?" "Hay just
becuase you didn't like the band before, didn't mean I didn't do my homeowrk.
is there a way I can meet him?" "well, hopeuflly, if LAnce is still talking
to me tomorrow, I was going to invite him over, maybe we'd go bowling or
something, I'll see if JC wants to come." "Cool! Tell him want a hot sexy
friend you have." "Please, i don't want to scare him!" "Bitch!"
Tommy through a pillow at me which led to a pillow fight.

"If you want him to forgive you, no matter what the fight was about, you
should get some flowers, that always works." "I was thinking that." "Well, go
and get some roses tomorrow, then invite your boyfriend over, tell him he can
choose what to do, he hasn't been to Massachusetts before, so maybe he'll
have something else in mind."

I frowned. I really hope I hadn't mess this up. I really loved Lance. It
would take more then ten thousands roses to make up for all the hurt I caused
him today.

"Hay, don't worry, things were work out, they always seem too." "I hope your
right."

I really greatful to have a friend like Tommy. He was always looking out
for me.  If I could turn time back to when we were twelve, I would have
went out with him.