Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 05:07:08 -0400 (EDT)
From: bsbwriter@altavista.net
Subject: Adam, Zach and BSB parts 37-39

Legal Note: Please don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or
the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in
all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons
mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely
fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains
so. Thank you.

hello! long time no post, huh? sorry guys. I've just been super busy.

(you can also pester DLS, writer of Brian and Me, whose installments I have
been reading and sort of editing instead of working on this story. Just
kidding. Please don't pester him Just go read his story. Its great.)

Also, thanks to all my dedicated readers, including but not limited to, the
silliest fan: yuli, ed, Redrum, couple of the year Rich and Nicky, and
extremely nice and polite Kevin D.

Wait, how come more of you didn't write? Write, dammit! Just kidding, but
it would be nice to get some more feedback. Please?

Let's not forget TS, who apparently thinks I can't take a joke because I'm
too sensitive. I can too!

And never forget to mention Jeff, my new friend, who's just a real cool
guy.

And last, but not least, DLS. He edits everything you see below this
endless string of thank you's and whining. And plus, he's a super nice guy.

So, as always, write with comments, compliments, critiques, suggestions,
etc. to bsbwriter@altavista.net

enjoy!

EG


part 37

	As Kevin fell back behind me, he tried to grab me so I would fall
too, out of the fire. I stumbled backwards and heard a shot. I looked back
up sharply, and saw the attacker hovering over, not with a gun, but a
camera. And it was Sean. He kept taking pictures as I got up. When I did, I
punched him, square in the jaw. He punched back, landing his fist in my
eye. It hurt. He was no ghost. Kevin made his way to standing, and Sean
took off. Nick went after him, but stopped after he got on a motorcycle and
made his getaway. I stood in shock.
	Sean was dead, wasn't he? Andrew had said so. So who was this? I
caught my breath. "Did you see who that was?" I asked to the other three.
	"No, it was too dark in here," Nick said, walking slowly back to
us.
	Kevin shook his head. "I didn't see his face either."
	We were all quiet until I recovered a little. "I saw him."
	Zach directed his attention towards me quickly. "Who was it?" he
asked.
	"It was, um..."
	"Didya know him?" Nick questioned.
	"Yeah, I-" I stopped and sighed. "I know I'm going to sound crazy,
but..."
	"Adam, who was it?!?" Zach asked impatiently.
	"It was, uh, it was Sean."
	"Sean? Dead Sean?" I nodded. "You're right. You are sounding
crazy."
	"I swear. I wouldn't believe it, but that's who it was."
	"Okay, guys." Kevin calmed us down and went into paternal
mode. "Let's go and talk to Andrew. He'll know what to do. Plus, we have to
put out a press release before those pictures get sold. No one'll touch
them if they know how they were taken."
	"What's wrong with the pictures?" Zach asked.
	"Well, for one thing," Kevin said, "It places Adam on top of
me-they would start rumors all over again."
	We all nodded, and slowly and shakily made our way back inside to
the office building. Given my track record in and on the property of this
building, I seriously considered never coming back again.
	We were alone on the elevator. "It was Sean," I whispered to Kevin.
	"You know I do believe that's what you think you saw," Kevin
answered.
	"Kevin! It was him," I said raising my voice.
	"Adam," he said, taking a hold of my shoulders. "He's dead. You
know he's dead. I know he's dead. That was not him." I turned
away. "Adam. Listen to me. That was not him."  He stared into my
deeply. "It was dark-maybe-"
	I shook my head as the doors opened to let on a young intern. We
quieted and attempted to look normal, ridiculously farcical if one knew
what we had just been through. She eyed Zach and smiled. He smiled
politely. She got off in a couple of floors and we all sighed in
unison. Soon, the elevator arrived at our floor.
	This time, the secretary just waved us in, eyeing the rip in the
back of Kevin's jeans that must have happened when he fell in the
garage. Andrew was on the phone, but when he saw us, he said "Something
just came up. We'll talk later," and hung up . He studied my eye, which
must have been black and blue by now. "What happened, boys?"
	We sat down and told him the whole story. "And Adam thinks it was
Sean," Kevin said when we had finished.
	Andrew laughed in a way that was either nervous or suspect. Either
one was suspicious. "That's ridiculous, Adam," he said.
	"That's what I told him," Kevin added.
	I shook my head, and decided to remain quiet. I knew there was no
convincing either of them. Still, it sort of hurt that Kevin, the man I
loved, didn't even believe me. Zach and I sat wordlessly as Kevin, Nick and
Andrew figured a press release to be released at MTV during TRL that day,
and later to the major media outlets. Kevin and Nick would be phone guests
on TRL to help explain what had happened. Zach and I would just lay low. I
asked about the Britney Spears' party later, which I hadn't exactly told
Kevin about. I mouthed "I'll explain later." to him and he seemed placated
for the moment. Andrew advised we should all go, to promote a positive
image. He asked if there would be photographers there. I nodded, but not
sure about it. I hoped not.
	"I don't want you guys going back to that garage, okay?"
	Nick nodded, but asked, "What about the car?"
	"I'll have someone else bring it up to the street." Andrew made the
necessary calls and Kevin gave him the keys to give to Time, the guy who
would do it. "Its going to be about twenty minutes, but I can show you to
the break room." We followed him to the conference room with a mini-fridge
and coffee-maker. After we settled in chairs around a table, Andrew plead
busy and made his exit.
	After he left, Kevin got up to make himself some coffee. As he
stirred in the milk, he looked up to me. "Are you sure it was Sean?" he
asked with serious sincerity.
	"Yes," I said.
	"Okay," he breathed in and out sharply. "Then I believe you."
	"Thank you," I said, with a small smile. "That's important to me."
	"Well," Nick piped in, "if you believe him, then I believe him."
	"Me too," Zach said.
	"And we have to figure this out," Nick said.
	We sat in silence for ten minutes. Just then, Andrew came
in. "Guys, I have some bad news."
	"What?" Kevin sprung to his feet.
	"Your car has been tampered with."
	"What do you mean?!?"
	"The brakes gave out."
	"What?"
	"They gave out. Luckily, Tim was able to ride the gas out in the
parking lot across the street. Your lives could have been endangered."
	We were all silent.

part 38
	Andrew had advised us to go about our business, so Kevin, after I
told him about Britney's party, decided we should go. Although I wasn't too
happy at the prospects of spending an evening with Britney and her
half-baked seduction attempts while my boyfriend was standing on the other
side of the room, I dealt with it.
	We went back to the compound in a company limo, where security had
been placed at the front gate. They were large, unattractive middle-aged
men, in Rent-A-Cop uniforms. Still, they definitely sent a message and made
me feel safer. After they let us in, we went to our respective houses.
	We still had a couple of hours until it was time to get ready for
the party, so I flopped down on the couch.
	"I need to go run some errands, so I'll be back-" Kevin started.
	"I'll come with..." I said, sitting up.
	"Nah...it'll be safer for you here-"
	I protested. "What about your safety? Who's going to protect you?"
	"I can protect myself, thanks."
	Kevin's stubborn, so I let it drop. "Just be careful, okay?"
	"Okay, I promise. Love you," Kevin said, kissing me on the cheek."
	I hugged him and replied, "Love you too." We embraced for a little
while longer, kissed briefly, then disengaged. Kevin borrowed Brian's car
and sped off.
	While he was gone, I decided to go visit Howie who I hadn't really
talked to since Sunday afternoon. I knocked on the door. He answered in
bare feet and a pair of shorts.
	"Hey! What's up?" He smiled and gave a "welcome-in" gesture.
	We talked for a while and he seemed genuinely concerned. I was
surprised at first at his degree of worry, but then remembered the guys
were like brothers, more than co-workers. He invited me to watch a movie,
Music From Another Room, if I wasn't busy. I called Kevin to see if he was
home. Since he wasn't, I accepted.
	We talked during the movie, about Kevin's and my relationship,
about the party and just how things were going in general. Howie was
excited for the upcoming tour, and I remembered then no one had told him
about my new job-but when I told him, it turned out he knew the whole time.
	He explained. "We review all new employees before they're offered a
job, if we're going to have to work with them. Usually, we're pretty
critical, but when Andrew brought it up, what could we do but say yes?"
	I smiled, just thinking how cool Howie was. Then a thought popped
into my head. "Then Kev and Nick knew the whole time?"
	"Well, no. We figured it'd be better for them if it was a
surprise."
	I sighed, and thought about just how lucky I was. I pushed all of
the terrible thoughts from my head. We finished the movie, which turned out
to be pretty good. The adorable Jude Law was in it, (and when I say
adorable, he's of course not even close to my Kevin). I wondered if he was
gay. I would only think this because I had seen Wilde, in which he plays
the title character's young lover. Most actors just starting out don't play
gay roles because they're afraid of being type cast, or shut out of
het. romance parts. I decided Jude Law was just cool, taking what most
consider a career risk like that.
	I was still lost in thought when I heard a banging on the
door. Howie got up to get it. It was Kevin, and he stormed in. "You didn't
tell me you were going to go somewhere!" he accused.
	"Sorry, I tried calling, but you weren't back yet!" I said,
defensively.
	"I didn't know what happened to you. I thought someone had taken
you."
	"Come on Kev," I said, getting up to hug him. "I'm sorry. But
you're being silly. There are those huge guards at the gate...Did you miss
`em?" He started to protest, but I held my index finger up to his
mouth. "Shhh. I just came here to see a movie. We can't let this rule our
lives. Besides, its time for you to call TRL," I said, looking my
watch. "Its 4. You have to go get Nick and call Carson in ten minutes This
is the only thing you can do right now." Kevin nodded, kissed me on the
cheek and left.
	Howie and I flipped on MTV. "This just in....Nick Carter and Kevin
Richardson of the Backstreet Boys have been attacked in a parking
garage. For more details, please continue to watch Total Request
Live. Check back ten to the hour, every hour, for more news." Serena
Altschul finished and commercials came on.
	I concentrated on the screen, knowing TRL would be back on in a
couple of moments. Just as soon as I had given up on the length of the long
commercial break, an image of Times Square flickered on the screen before
quickly fading to the studio. Carson stood faced towards the audience,
looking just as boy-next-door as he always did. The image faded again to
get a closer shot of Carson, and he began to speak. "Hey, and welcome back
to TRL. As always, I am your host Carson Daly. If you just tuned in, you
wouldn't know some, uh, rather bad news we at MTV have received-that
recently-today actually, Nick and Kevin of the Backstreet Boys were
attacked in the parking garage underneath their management's office
building in Orlando." We heard a collection of loud gasps from the
audience-no doubt filled with BSB fans. I rolled my eyes, but then stopped,
annoyed at myself for being so cynical and insensitive. Every single one of
their fans loved the Boys so much, they felt they knew them!  , and any
harm done to any of the Boys-they felt deep down. Carson continued. "So, to
get to the bottom of this, we've actually invited Kevin and Nick to call
up, to let us know what's going on. We've got them on hold right now, and
we'll talk to them for a bit."
	I heard a "Hello?" that sounded like Nick. TRL brought up a graphic
of Nick and Kevin, left over from Backstreet Boy TV over the summer.
	"Hey! You guys all right?" Carson asked.
	"Yeah, we're okay now. I just wanted to let everyone know, that we
got banged up a bit, but other than that we're both just fine," Nick
said. He sounded a little nervous, and very tired.
	"You wanna tell us what happened?"
	Kevin spoke up. "Me and Nick had a meeting with management and some
new comers to the BSB family-both of them are going to be working in PR and
as our assistants. Anyway, we came back down with them, to the car, in the
underground parking garage underneath the building. When we got there, we
saw someone trying to break into the car."
	Nick began to speak. "Kevin ran after the guy and me and the other
two guys ran after him. We cornered him, and he bolted, but not before he
took a bunch of pictures. So the perp's either a crazed fan, or paparazzi,
we think." Carson realized they were done. "We're real sorry to hear that
guys-but we're all glad you're safe and sound now."
	"Thanks," the Boys said in unison.
	"Okay," Carson said, the graphic disappearing, "we'll go on to our
seventh video. Answer this question, and you'll get a TRL t-shirt, and hey,
I'll even sign it...." Howie flipped the power button on the remote.
	I sighed. "You okay?" Howie asked, sitting down next to me.
	"Yeah, its just I'm just worried and stressed out. It doesn't seem
like fate wants Kev and I to work out."
	"Well what do you think brought you two together if not fate?"
	"My stupidity."
	"What?" Howie asked, confused.
	"If I hadn't been so painfully in love with you guys, I never would
have craned my neck to see into the banquet room at Denny's."
	"Uh.."
	"And I never would have fallen over."
	"I-"
	"And if my head hadn't have hurt I wouldn't have gone to the
Chelsea gallery where I met Kevin."
	"Well-"
	"So, either way you look at it, if I didn't hit my head, none of
this would have happened. Most importantly, I would be here still messing
up Kevin's life now. That's not fate. Its a series of stupid
cause-and-effects."
	"Look-all these problems are not your fault. How could you possibly
blame yourself for them?"
	"Its just-I-I've caused all of these problems. And not just for
Kevin, but for Nick, and for all of you guys. Don't you remember what
happened after the first scandal broke?"
	"There would be no scandal if it wasn't for inconsiderate, greedy
paparazzi."
	"There would be no scandal if I wasn't here," I replied. At this
point I was getting really upset.
	"Look, there's obviously no way convincing you. You're stubborn
just like Kevin. Just know that if you weren't here, a lot of good things
wouldn't have happened either."
	"Like?" I asked.
	"Like my awesome birthday party. Like Zach and Nick. Like Kevin
being the happiest I've ever seen him."
	I went to reply, but just then, Kevin, Nick, and Zach walked
through the door. They were all in considerably positive upbeat moods,
laughing and talking, so I decided to drop our conversation. I was half
smiling at Howie, nonverbally thanking him for his comforting, when Kevin
whipped me up, and dipped me backwards. He bent down to kiss me, in the
typical movie star type of way, and then pulled me back standing. As a
result of this passionate and public kiss, I was flushed and smiling. I
looked back at Howie, who was smiling contentedly, like he had just
finished a sickeningly sweet Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie.
	"So I trust y'all are coming to the party tonight." Kevin's soft
Kentucky accent showed through, as it did occasionally. Everyone nodded.
	"Y'all better be," I said, in a contrived hick southern accent.
	Kevin slapped me playfully on the back of the head, and when I spun
around to defend myself, he trapped me in a hug. After a few moments, he
regrettably released me. I'm going back home to get changed. You guys
should do the same," Kev said in his paternal tone.
	"Yes, Father," Nick said, sticking out his tongue.
	"Okay Adam, let's go."
	"I'm just gonna talk to Zach for a bit, if you don't mind. I'll see
you in a couplea minutes, okay?"
	"That's fine," he replied, kissing me on the top of the head. "But
don't take too long. Britney would be crestfallen if her little hottie
didn't show up on time."
	I made a playfully humiliated face and watched Kevin and Nick
go. After they had been gone for a few moments, I thanked Howie again and
led Zach out to the gazebo next to the pool.
	"What is it?" Zach asked, half annoyed, half caring.
	"Its Kevin." I said, pacing around the gazebo.
	Zach sat down. "What? Is he just too perfect or something?" I
couldn't say anything. "You know, you're so neurotic about this. You always
do this?"
	"Do what?" I asked.
	"Do this thing you do."
	"Very articulate, Zach."
	"You know what I mean."
	"No, obviously I don't."
	"Look, you always need to ruin things when they're going well. You
can't stand to be happy for too long."
	"What are you *talking* about? Like when?"
	"Like that time with Jonny Miller?"
	"Who?" I asked, even though I knew very well who Jonny Miller was.
	"That kid from camp. Summer after tenth grade." It began to rain.
	"What?" I said, still playing dumb.
	"You know what I'm talking about. He was totally hot, had every
girl swooning over him, but at the counselor's dance gave you that note."
	"Yeah, the note," I said, remembering way more than I meant to. I
started to quote that infamous note. "Dear Adam, people say that you have
one love, one perfect person from which the entire world melt away and this
love will be all-encompassing. My perfect person is you..." I trailed off.
	"Yeah, *that* Jonny. You told me he was gay. Hell, that was the
night you told me you were gay."
	"But I never kissed him."
	"No, you didn't."
	"I almost did."
	"I know, I remember."
	"We were standing by the lake after curfew.
	"And you told me the reflection of the moonlight in his eyes made
him look like an angel."
	"Did I say that?"
	"Yeah, you said that."
	"God, what I drama queen I was."
	"Yeah. Was?"
	"Oh, shut up."
	"And you were going to kiss him."
	"Yeah, I was going to kiss him..."
	"But then you ran away."
	"I bolted. And the next day he told the whole camp I tried to kiss
him. That I was a faggot."
	"What an asshole."
	"What a flaming geek."
	"I had to leave camp early. My campers threw rocks at me." The
thunder got louder.
	"I remember. I drove you to the train station."
	"God, I had blocked that out of my head."
	"Yeah, with good reason."
	"But what was your point? What does this have to do with Kevin?"
	"Uh, I forgot."
	"Nice going."
	"Wait-why didn't you kiss him?"
	"Kevin?"
	"No, Jonny."
	"Because I was scared."
	"Right. There's my point. Scared of happiness."
	"No, not happiness, tons of other things though."
	"Like?"
	"I dunno. Everything."
	"Like being happy."
	"You're so wrong," I sighed, knowing he was right. "Why would I be
scared of being happy?"
	"Because, you think if you're happy, you're going to miss something
when you're not looking."
	"Look, maybe you're right, but that's not the point right now. The
point is, I'm making Kevin's life miserable." Rain came down on the roof of
the gazebo, pounding furiously.
	"By loving him?"
	"In a twisted way, yes," I said, leaning out the side of the
gazebo, into the storm.
	"Look, I can't talk to you in this mood. You're going nowhere. You
don't want to listen to me. Why did you really want to talk to me?"
	"If, for some reason, in the next days or weeks, or even months, I
disappear, just let the Boys I'm safe, and tell Kev I love him."
	"Are you planning on going somewhere?" Zach asked, standing up too
quickly.
	"No, I'm not planning to, but if I have to, just promise you'll do
that for me, okay?"
	"I guess. I promise. But don't go anywhere, okay?"
	"I can't promise that. If I do have to go somewhere, I'll be back,
okay?"
	"Okay, I guess." Zach sat back down quietly.
	I looked at my watch. "Its time to get ready for the party. You
coming?"
	"Nah, Nick and I are gonna be no-shows. Spend a little quality time
on the couch, you know?"
	"Yeah, you little pervert." I said, laughing. It felt good to
smile, and even better to laugh.
	"Well have fun at the party you prude."
	"I am not a prude."
	"Well that's not what Kevin says."
	"Kevin did not say that!"
	"No, you're right, actually, he didn't."
	"Jerk!"
	"But he should have. You guys have been together for awhile and not
even to third base."
	"Oh, shut up. What is third base, by the way?"
	"Hell if I know," Zach confessed.
	"Didn't think so!" I said.
	"You know why?"
	"Why?" I challenged.
	"Well," he smiled facetiously. "Because I never stop before a home
run."
	"Oh enough with the baseball metaphors. I gotta go get ready."
	"Okay...Adam?" he looked up at me.
	"Yeah?"
	"Try not to leave okay? You'd be messing up a good thing."
	I smiled sadly and waved goodbye, sprinting to Kevin's house in the
rain and getting soaked. When I got to the door I saw Zach still in the
gazebo. I waved again, and then headed inside.
	Kevin was sitting by the kitchen counter, eating an apple. "What
took you so long?"
	"We just had some things to talk about," I said, kissing his cheek
and taking a bite out of his apple. He looked up at me. Damn, he was
beautiful.
	"Like what?"
	"Oh, just stuff."
	"Its okay if you don't want to tell me...I won't be hurt."
	"Okay," I said, smiling and putting a hand on each of his
shoulders. "I don't want to tell you." "Why the hell not?"
	"Because I want to make you suffer." I leaned over and kissed
him. Just the ability to do that, whenever I wanted, granted we weren't in
public, was enough to make me content for at least a few years.
	"Okay then, you apple-breath hottie. If that's the way you want
it."
	"Okay then. I gotta take a shower. Unless you want to join me?" I
asked, kissing him again on the neck.
	"We'd never get to the party," Kevin said, tracing his fingers
along my jawline.
	"And what would be so bad about that?" I asked, in between kisses.
	"Well, Britney's waiting for you." I straightened up.
	"That's it."
	"What's it?"
	"No more kisses for you dork."
	"Aww!" he said, with puppy dog eyes.
	My faux-stern expression softened. "Well, at least until after I
finish getting ready." I started to walk away.
	"I don't know if I can last that long," Kevin said, smiling
sheepishly.
	"You're right. Neither can I," I rushed back, kissed him full on
the lips, and then ran into the bathroom and started the shower before we
were going to be really late.

Part 39

	Well, it turned out we were late, really late. But we played it off
as fashionably late which works surprisingly well when you're pop stars, or
at least friends of them. The party was, by the way, even worse that I
expected. Yes, that bad. There was a point where Britney actually cornered
me on the balcony. She was wearing her slinkiest, tightest pink tube
dress. It should have been sexy, even to a gay man, but it just turned out
looking pitiful and desperate.
	"I want you," she had said, rubbing my shoulders, and licking her
lips. She had been simply predatory.
	I'd been preparing to answer when Brian had found me. "Adam! Come
on, its time for your herpes meds."
	I had grinned at Britney and slapped my forehead with the heel of
my palm. I shook my head and said, innocently. "If you'll just excuse me, I
do really have to do that. I hope you'll be here when I get back." I gave
her my best seductive smile and eyebrow raise, trying not to crack up. She
recoiled, with a disgusted look, and let me walk away. When Brian led me
into the hall, I saw AJ, Amanda, Howie, and a bored Kevin standing in the
hall. I burst out laughing.
	It was when we got in the elevator I started to sense something out
of order. I was about to say something, but then the doors slid open. We
went out to hail a cab. None were in the street. It was, after all, a quiet
Monday night.
	"I'm going to go call a taxi service in the lobby, okay?" Brian
said, and walked back inside.
	The rain was just beginning to let up, and there was a light fog in
the humid air. Kevin smiled at me, that gorgeous smile. I was just about to
smile back when I saw a cloaked form run towards him. I watched in horror
while the form hit Kevin with a crowbar in the side. He keeled over in
pain, while I ran after the perpetrator. After three blocks, he disappeared
in the mist, and I jogged back to the hotel. Kevin was still on the ground,
crying in pain. I went to his side, stroked his hair, and yelled, "Someone
call an ambulance!"
	Brian, who had returned, rushed to Kevin's other side while Howie
called 911 on his cell phone. In a few minutes, the ambulance pulled up. I
watched as the paramedics loaded Kevin onto the stretcher and talked about
broken bones. I grasped his hand, but couldn't ride with him, since I
wasn't related. Brian hugged me, and whispered, "He'll be okay, don't
worry. I'll see you at the hospital."
	The taxi had arrived and Amanda, AJ, and Howie all piled in. "Come
on!" AJ said, but I shook my head and mumbled something about meeting them
later. "Okay, suit yourself," he said, and the taxi drove off following the
ambulance.
	I had to walk, to clear my head. And I did. I walked for a couple
of hours. I found myself in dark alleys, and on streets I had never seen
before. I sat on the curb and called Zach. "Hello?" he said, sounding
groggy.
	"Zach, do you remember what you promised?" I asked, in a gruff,
tear-stained voice.
	"I guess."
	"Well, remember it, okay?"
	"Okay-Adam-are you okay?"
	"I'm fine. Just remember-you promised."
	"Okay. I will. "
	"Bye." I said, hanging up.
	I dialed a taxi service and gave the operator on the street corner
I was sitting on.
	When the taxi pulled up, I somehow wasn't surprised that it was
Rocky at the wheel. First, I asked him to take me to the hospital, and wait
until I came back out.
	I ventured in, and wandered up to the admissions desk. I don't know
why, but I guess it was because of my look of utter desperation that the
pitying nurse gave me Kevin's room number without so much as a question.
	I used the stairs to get to the fourth floor. When I got to his
hallway, I saw the boys slumped outside what was his door, obviously
tired. I realized it was in fact late, almost three to be exact. Amanda
must have left, because I didn't see her anywhere.
	I stepped quietly and carefully into his room, where Brian was
slumped on a corner chair asleep. Kevin slept fitfully on his hospital
bed. He looked childlike and helpless. It broke my heart a few times
over. I kissed him lightly, careful not to wake him, and tucked the note I
had written while I was waiting for the taxi, scribbled on the back of a
flyer I had picked up somewhere into his clasped hand. I kissed him once
more on his forehead, and left.
	I got back in the taxi and Rocky took me to the airport.  







Legal Note: Please don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or
the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in
all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons
mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely
fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains
so. Thank you.

hello! long time no post, huh? sorry guys. I've just been super busy.

(you can also pester DLS, writer of Brian and Me, whose installments I have
been reading and sort of editing instead of working on this story. Just
kidding. Please don't pester him Just go read his story. Its great.)

Also, thanks to all my dedicated readers, including but not limited to, the
silliest fan: yuli, ed, Redrum, couple of the year Rich and Nicky, and
extremely nice and polite Kevin D.

Wait, how come more of you didn't write? Write, dammit! Just kidding, but
it would be nice to get some more feedback. Please?

Let's not forget TS, who apparently thinks I can't take a joke because I'm
too sensitive. I can too!

And never forget to mention Jeff, my new friend, who's just a real cool
guy.

And last, but not least, DLS. He edits everything you see below this
endless string of thank you's and whining. And plus, he's a super nice guy.

So, as always, write with comments, compliments, critiques, suggestions,
etc. to bsbwriter@altavista.net

enjoy!

EG


part 37

	As Kevin fell back behind me, he tried to grab me so I would fall
too, out of the fire. I stumbled backwards and heard a shot. I looked back
up sharply, and saw the attacker hovering over, not with a gun, but a
camera. And it was Sean. He kept taking pictures as I got up. When I did, I
punched him, square in the jaw. He punched back, landing his fist in my
eye. It hurt. He was no ghost. Kevin made his way to standing, and Sean
took off. Nick went after him, but stopped after he got on a motorcycle and
made his getaway. I stood in shock.
	Sean was dead, wasn't he? Andrew had said so. So who was this? I
caught my breath. "Did you see who that was?" I asked to the other three.
	"No, it was too dark in here," Nick said, walking slowly back to
us.
	Kevin shook his head. "I didn't see his face either."
	We were all quiet until I recovered a little. "I saw him."
	Zach directed his attention towards me quickly. "Who was it?" he
asked.
	"It was, um..."
	"Didya know him?" Nick questioned.
	"Yeah, I-" I stopped and sighed. "I know I'm going to sound crazy,
but..."
	"Adam, who was it?!?" Zach asked impatiently.
	"It was, uh, it was Sean."
	"Sean? Dead Sean?" I nodded. "You're right. You are sounding
crazy."
	"I swear. I wouldn't believe it, but that's who it was."
	"Okay, guys." Kevin calmed us down and went into paternal
mode. "Let's go and talk to Andrew. He'll know what to do. Plus, we have to
put out a press release before those pictures get sold. No one'll touch
them if they know how they were taken."
	"What's wrong with the pictures?" Zach asked.
	"Well, for one thing," Kevin said, "It places Adam on top of
me-they would start rumors all over again."
	We all nodded, and slowly and shakily made our way back inside to
the office building. Given my track record in and on the property of this
building, I seriously considered never coming back again.
	We were alone on the elevator. "It was Sean," I whispered to Kevin.
	"You know I do believe that's what you think you saw," Kevin
answered.
	"Kevin! It was him," I said raising my voice.
	"Adam," he said, taking a hold of my shoulders. "He's dead. You
know he's dead. I know he's dead. That was not him." I turned
away. "Adam. Listen to me. That was not him."  He stared into my
deeply. "It was dark-maybe-"
	I shook my head as the doors opened to let on a young intern. We
quieted and attempted to look normal, ridiculously farcical if one knew
what we had just been through. She eyed Zach and smiled. He smiled
politely. She got off in a couple of floors and we all sighed in
unison. Soon, the elevator arrived at our floor.
	This time, the secretary just waved us in, eyeing the rip in the
back of Kevin's jeans that must have happened when he fell in the
garage. Andrew was on the phone, but when he saw us, he said "Something
just came up. We'll talk later," and hung up . He studied my eye, which
must have been black and blue by now. "What happened, boys?"
	We sat down and told him the whole story. "And Adam thinks it was
Sean," Kevin said when we had finished.
	Andrew laughed in a way that was either nervous or suspect. Either
one was suspicious. "That's ridiculous, Adam," he said.
	"That's what I told him," Kevin added.
	I shook my head, and decided to remain quiet. I knew there was no
convincing either of them. Still, it sort of hurt that Kevin, the man I
loved, didn't even believe me. Zach and I sat wordlessly as Kevin, Nick and
Andrew figured a press release to be released at MTV during TRL that day,
and later to the major media outlets. Kevin and Nick would be phone guests
on TRL to help explain what had happened. Zach and I would just lay low. I
asked about the Britney Spears' party later, which I hadn't exactly told
Kevin about. I mouthed "I'll explain later." to him and he seemed placated
for the moment. Andrew advised we should all go, to promote a positive
image. He asked if there would be photographers there. I nodded, but not
sure about it. I hoped not.
	"I don't want you guys going back to that garage, okay?"
	Nick nodded, but asked, "What about the car?"
	"I'll have someone else bring it up to the street." Andrew made the
necessary calls and Kevin gave him the keys to give to Time, the guy who
would do it. "Its going to be about twenty minutes, but I can show you to
the break room." We followed him to the conference room with a mini-fridge
and coffee-maker. After we settled in chairs around a table, Andrew plead
busy and made his exit.
	After he left, Kevin got up to make himself some coffee. As he
stirred in the milk, he looked up to me. "Are you sure it was Sean?" he
asked with serious sincerity.
	"Yes," I said.
	"Okay," he breathed in and out sharply. "Then I believe you."
	"Thank you," I said, with a small smile. "That's important to me."
	"Well," Nick piped in, "if you believe him, then I believe him."
	"Me too," Zach said.
	"And we have to figure this out," Nick said.
	We sat in silence for ten minutes. Just then, Andrew came
in. "Guys, I have some bad news."
	"What?" Kevin sprung to his feet.
	"Your car has been tampered with."
	"What do you mean?!?"
	"The brakes gave out."
	"What?"
	"They gave out. Luckily, Tim was able to ride the gas out in the
parking lot across the street. Your lives could have been endangered."
	We were all silent.

part 38
	Andrew had advised us to go about our business, so Kevin, after I
told him about Britney's party, decided we should go. Although I wasn't too
happy at the prospects of spending an evening with Britney and her
half-baked seduction attempts while my boyfriend was standing on the other
side of the room, I dealt with it.
	We went back to the compound in a company limo, where security had
been placed at the front gate. They were large, unattractive middle-aged
men, in Rent-A-Cop uniforms. Still, they definitely sent a message and made
me feel safer. After they let us in, we went to our respective houses.
	We still had a couple of hours until it was time to get ready for
the party, so I flopped down on the couch.
	"I need to go run some errands, so I'll be back-" Kevin started.
	"I'll come with..." I said, sitting up.
	"Nah...it'll be safer for you here-"
	I protested. "What about your safety? Who's going to protect you?"
	"I can protect myself, thanks."
	Kevin's stubborn, so I let it drop. "Just be careful, okay?"
	"Okay, I promise. Love you," Kevin said, kissing me on the cheek."
	I hugged him and replied, "Love you too." We embraced for a little
while longer, kissed briefly, then disengaged. Kevin borrowed Brian's car
and sped off.
	While he was gone, I decided to go visit Howie who I hadn't really
talked to since Sunday afternoon. I knocked on the door. He answered in
bare feet and a pair of shorts.
	"Hey! What's up?" He smiled and gave a "welcome-in" gesture.
	We talked for a while and he seemed genuinely concerned. I was
surprised at first at his degree of worry, but then remembered the guys
were like brothers, more than co-workers. He invited me to watch a movie,
Music From Another Room, if I wasn't busy. I called Kevin to see if he was
home. Since he wasn't, I accepted.
	We talked during the movie, about Kevin's and my relationship,
about the party and just how things were going in general. Howie was
excited for the upcoming tour, and I remembered then no one had told him
about my new job-but when I told him, it turned out he knew the whole time.
	He explained. "We review all new employees before they're offered a
job, if we're going to have to work with them. Usually, we're pretty
critical, but when Andrew brought it up, what could we do but say yes?"
	I smiled, just thinking how cool Howie was. Then a thought popped
into my head. "Then Kev and Nick knew the whole time?"
	"Well, no. We figured it'd be better for them if it was a
surprise."
	I sighed, and thought about just how lucky I was. I pushed all of
the terrible thoughts from my head. We finished the movie, which turned out
to be pretty good. The adorable Jude Law was in it, (and when I say
adorable, he's of course not even close to my Kevin). I wondered if he was
gay. I would only think this because I had seen Wilde, in which he plays
the title character's young lover. Most actors just starting out don't play
gay roles because they're afraid of being type cast, or shut out of
het. romance parts. I decided Jude Law was just cool, taking what most
consider a career risk like that.
	I was still lost in thought when I heard a banging on the
door. Howie got up to get it. It was Kevin, and he stormed in. "You didn't
tell me you were going to go somewhere!" he accused.
	"Sorry, I tried calling, but you weren't back yet!" I said,
defensively.
	"I didn't know what happened to you. I thought someone had taken
you."
	"Come on Kev," I said, getting up to hug him. "I'm sorry. But
you're being silly. There are those huge guards at the gate...Did you miss
`em?" He started to protest, but I held my index finger up to his
mouth. "Shhh. I just came here to see a movie. We can't let this rule our
lives. Besides, its time for you to call TRL," I said, looking my
watch. "Its 4. You have to go get Nick and call Carson in ten minutes This
is the only thing you can do right now." Kevin nodded, kissed me on the
cheek and left.
	Howie and I flipped on MTV. "This just in....Nick Carter and Kevin
Richardson of the Backstreet Boys have been attacked in a parking
garage. For more details, please continue to watch Total Request
Live. Check back ten to the hour, every hour, for more news." Serena
Altschul finished and commercials came on.
	I concentrated on the screen, knowing TRL would be back on in a
couple of moments. Just as soon as I had given up on the length of the long
commercial break, an image of Times Square flickered on the screen before
quickly fading to the studio. Carson stood faced towards the audience,
looking just as boy-next-door as he always did. The image faded again to
get a closer shot of Carson, and he began to speak. "Hey, and welcome back
to TRL. As always, I am your host Carson Daly. If you just tuned in, you
wouldn't know some, uh, rather bad news we at MTV have received-that
recently-today actually, Nick and Kevin of the Backstreet Boys were
attacked in the parking garage underneath their management's office
building in Orlando." We heard a collection of loud gasps from the
audience-no doubt filled with BSB fans. I rolled my eyes, but then stopped,
annoyed at myself for being so cynical and insensitive. Every single one of
their fans loved the Boys so much, they felt they knew them!  , and any
harm done to any of the Boys-they felt deep down. Carson continued. "So, to
get to the bottom of this, we've actually invited Kevin and Nick to call
up, to let us know what's going on. We've got them on hold right now, and
we'll talk to them for a bit."
	I heard a "Hello?" that sounded like Nick. TRL brought up a graphic
of Nick and Kevin, left over from Backstreet Boy TV over the summer.
	"Hey! You guys all right?" Carson asked.
	"Yeah, we're okay now. I just wanted to let everyone know, that we
got banged up a bit, but other than that we're both just fine," Nick
said. He sounded a little nervous, and very tired.
	"You wanna tell us what happened?"
	Kevin spoke up. "Me and Nick had a meeting with management and some
new comers to the BSB family-both of them are going to be working in PR and
as our assistants. Anyway, we came back down with them, to the car, in the
underground parking garage underneath the building. When we got there, we
saw someone trying to break into the car."
	Nick began to speak. "Kevin ran after the guy and me and the other
two guys ran after him. We cornered him, and he bolted, but not before he
took a bunch of pictures. So the perp's either a crazed fan, or paparazzi,
we think." Carson realized they were done. "We're real sorry to hear that
guys-but we're all glad you're safe and sound now."
	"Thanks," the Boys said in unison.
	"Okay," Carson said, the graphic disappearing, "we'll go on to our
seventh video. Answer this question, and you'll get a TRL t-shirt, and hey,
I'll even sign it...." Howie flipped the power button on the remote.
	I sighed. "You okay?" Howie asked, sitting down next to me.
	"Yeah, its just I'm just worried and stressed out. It doesn't seem
like fate wants Kev and I to work out."
	"Well what do you think brought you two together if not fate?"
	"My stupidity."
	"What?" Howie asked, confused.
	"If I hadn't been so painfully in love with you guys, I never would
have craned my neck to see into the banquet room at Denny's."
	"Uh.."
	"And I never would have fallen over."
	"I-"
	"And if my head hadn't have hurt I wouldn't have gone to the
Chelsea gallery where I met Kevin."
	"Well-"
	"So, either way you look at it, if I didn't hit my head, none of
this would have happened. Most importantly, I would be here still messing
up Kevin's life now. That's not fate. Its a series of stupid
cause-and-effects."
	"Look-all these problems are not your fault. How could you possibly
blame yourself for them?"
	"Its just-I-I've caused all of these problems. And not just for
Kevin, but for Nick, and for all of you guys. Don't you remember what
happened after the first scandal broke?"
	"There would be no scandal if it wasn't for inconsiderate, greedy
paparazzi."
	"There would be no scandal if I wasn't here," I replied. At this
point I was getting really upset.
	"Look, there's obviously no way convincing you. You're stubborn
just like Kevin. Just know that if you weren't here, a lot of good things
wouldn't have happened either."
	"Like?" I asked.
	"Like my awesome birthday party. Like Zach and Nick. Like Kevin
being the happiest I've ever seen him."
	I went to reply, but just then, Kevin, Nick, and Zach walked
through the door. They were all in considerably positive upbeat moods,
laughing and talking, so I decided to drop our conversation. I was half
smiling at Howie, nonverbally thanking him for his comforting, when Kevin
whipped me up, and dipped me backwards. He bent down to kiss me, in the
typical movie star type of way, and then pulled me back standing. As a
result of this passionate and public kiss, I was flushed and smiling. I
looked back at Howie, who was smiling contentedly, like he had just
finished a sickeningly sweet Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie.
	"So I trust y'all are coming to the party tonight." Kevin's soft
Kentucky accent showed through, as it did occasionally. Everyone nodded.
	"Y'all better be," I said, in a contrived hick southern accent.
	Kevin slapped me playfully on the back of the head, and when I spun
around to defend myself, he trapped me in a hug. After a few moments, he
regrettably released me. I'm going back home to get changed. You guys
should do the same," Kev said in his paternal tone.
	"Yes, Father," Nick said, sticking out his tongue.
	"Okay Adam, let's go."
	"I'm just gonna talk to Zach for a bit, if you don't mind. I'll see
you in a couplea minutes, okay?"
	"That's fine," he replied, kissing me on the top of the head. "But
don't take too long. Britney would be crestfallen if her little hottie
didn't show up on time."
	I made a playfully humiliated face and watched Kevin and Nick
go. After they had been gone for a few moments, I thanked Howie again and
led Zach out to the gazebo next to the pool.
	"What is it?" Zach asked, half annoyed, half caring.
	"Its Kevin." I said, pacing around the gazebo.
	Zach sat down. "What? Is he just too perfect or something?" I
couldn't say anything. "You know, you're so neurotic about this. You always
do this?"
	"Do what?" I asked.
	"Do this thing you do."
	"Very articulate, Zach."
	"You know what I mean."
	"No, obviously I don't."
	"Look, you always need to ruin things when they're going well. You
can't stand to be happy for too long."
	"What are you *talking* about? Like when?"
	"Like that time with Jonny Miller?"
	"Who?" I asked, even though I knew very well who Jonny Miller was.
	"That kid from camp. Summer after tenth grade." It began to rain.
	"What?" I said, still playing dumb.
	"You know what I'm talking about. He was totally hot, had every
girl swooning over him, but at the counselor's dance gave you that note."
	"Yeah, the note," I said, remembering way more than I meant to. I
started to quote that infamous note. "Dear Adam, people say that you have
one love, one perfect person from which the entire world melt away and this
love will be all-encompassing. My perfect person is you..." I trailed off.
	"Yeah, *that* Jonny. You told me he was gay. Hell, that was the
night you told me you were gay."
	"But I never kissed him."
	"No, you didn't."
	"I almost did."
	"I know, I remember."
	"We were standing by the lake after curfew.
	"And you told me the reflection of the moonlight in his eyes made
him look like an angel."
	"Did I say that?"
	"Yeah, you said that."
	"God, what I drama queen I was."
	"Yeah. Was?"
	"Oh, shut up."
	"And you were going to kiss him."
	"Yeah, I was going to kiss him..."
	"But then you ran away."
	"I bolted. And the next day he told the whole camp I tried to kiss
him. That I was a faggot."
	"What an asshole."
	"What a flaming geek."
	"I had to leave camp early. My campers threw rocks at me." The
thunder got louder.
	"I remember. I drove you to the train station."
	"God, I had blocked that out of my head."
	"Yeah, with good reason."
	"But what was your point? What does this have to do with Kevin?"
	"Uh, I forgot."
	"Nice going."
	"Wait-why didn't you kiss him?"
	"Kevin?"
	"No, Jonny."
	"Because I was scared."
	"Right. There's my point. Scared of happiness."
	"No, not happiness, tons of other things though."
	"Like?"
	"I dunno. Everything."
	"Like being happy."
	"You're so wrong," I sighed, knowing he was right. "Why would I be
scared of being happy?"
	"Because, you think if you're happy, you're going to miss something
when you're not looking."
	"Look, maybe you're right, but that's not the point right now. The
point is, I'm making Kevin's life miserable." Rain came down on the roof of
the gazebo, pounding furiously.
	"By loving him?"
	"In a twisted way, yes," I said, leaning out the side of the
gazebo, into the storm.
	"Look, I can't talk to you in this mood. You're going nowhere. You
don't want to listen to me. Why did you really want to talk to me?"
	"If, for some reason, in the next days or weeks, or even months, I
disappear, just let the Boys I'm safe, and tell Kev I love him."
	"Are you planning on going somewhere?" Zach asked, standing up too
quickly.
	"No, I'm not planning to, but if I have to, just promise you'll do
that for me, okay?"
	"I guess. I promise. But don't go anywhere, okay?"
	"I can't promise that. If I do have to go somewhere, I'll be back,
okay?"
	"Okay, I guess." Zach sat back down quietly.
	I looked at my watch. "Its time to get ready for the party. You
coming?"
	"Nah, Nick and I are gonna be no-shows. Spend a little quality time
on the couch, you know?"
	"Yeah, you little pervert." I said, laughing. It felt good to
smile, and even better to laugh.
	"Well have fun at the party you prude."
	"I am not a prude."
	"Well that's not what Kevin says."
	"Kevin did not say that!"
	"No, you're right, actually, he didn't."
	"Jerk!"
	"But he should have. You guys have been together for awhile and not
even to third base."
	"Oh, shut up. What is third base, by the way?"
	"Hell if I know," Zach confessed.
	"Didn't think so!" I said.
	"You know why?"
	"Why?" I challenged.
	"Well," he smiled facetiously. "Because I never stop before a home
run."
	"Oh enough with the baseball metaphors. I gotta go get ready."
	"Okay...Adam?" he looked up at me.
	"Yeah?"
	"Try not to leave okay? You'd be messing up a good thing."
	I smiled sadly and waved goodbye, sprinting to Kevin's house in the
rain and getting soaked. When I got to the door I saw Zach still in the
gazebo. I waved again, and then headed inside.
	Kevin was sitting by the kitchen counter, eating an apple. "What
took you so long?"
	"We just had some things to talk about," I said, kissing his cheek
and taking a bite out of his apple. He looked up at me. Damn, he was
beautiful.
	"Like what?"
	"Oh, just stuff."
	"Its okay if you don't want to tell me...I won't be hurt."
	"Okay," I said, smiling and putting a hand on each of his
shoulders. "I don't want to tell you." "Why the hell not?"
	"Because I want to make you suffer." I leaned over and kissed
him. Just the ability to do that, whenever I wanted, granted we weren't in
public, was enough to make me content for at least a few years.
	"Okay then, you apple-breath hottie. If that's the way you want
it."
	"Okay then. I gotta take a shower. Unless you want to join me?" I
asked, kissing him again on the neck.
	"We'd never get to the party," Kevin said, tracing his fingers
along my jawline.
	"And what would be so bad about that?" I asked, in between kisses.
	"Well, Britney's waiting for you." I straightened up.
	"That's it."
	"What's it?"
	"No more kisses for you dork."
	"Aww!" he said, with puppy dog eyes.
	My faux-stern expression softened. "Well, at least until after I
finish getting ready." I started to walk away.
	"I don't know if I can last that long," Kevin said, smiling
sheepishly.
	"You're right. Neither can I," I rushed back, kissed him full on
the lips, and then ran into the bathroom and started the shower before we
were going to be really late.

Part 39

	Well, it turned out we were late, really late. But we played it off
as fashionably late which works surprisingly well when you're pop stars, or
at least friends of them. The party was, by the way, even worse that I
expected. Yes, that bad. There was a point where Britney actually cornered
me on the balcony. She was wearing her slinkiest, tightest pink tube
dress. It should have been sexy, even to a gay man, but it just turned out
looking pitiful and desperate.
	"I want you," she had said, rubbing my shoulders, and licking her
lips. She had been simply predatory.
	I'd been preparing to answer when Brian had found me. "Adam! Come
on, its time for your herpes meds."
	I had grinned at Britney and slapped my forehead with the heel of
my palm. I shook my head and said, innocently. "If you'll just excuse me, I
do really have to do that. I hope you'll be here when I get back." I gave
her my best seductive smile and eyebrow raise, trying not to crack up. She
recoiled, with a disgusted look, and let me walk away. When Brian led me
into the hall, I saw AJ, Amanda, Howie, and a bored Kevin standing in the
hall. I burst out laughing.
	It was when we got in the elevator I started to sense something out
of order. I was about to say something, but then the doors slid open. We
went out to hail a cab. None were in the street. It was, after all, a quiet
Monday night.
	"I'm going to go call a taxi service in the lobby, okay?" Brian
said, and walked back inside.
	The rain was just beginning to let up, and there was a light fog in
the humid air. Kevin smiled at me, that gorgeous smile. I was just about to
smile back when I saw a cloaked form run towards him. I watched in horror
while the form hit Kevin with a crowbar in the side. He keeled over in
pain, while I ran after the perpetrator. After three blocks, he disappeared
in the mist, and I jogged back to the hotel. Kevin was still on the ground,
crying in pain. I went to his side, stroked his hair, and yelled, "Someone
call an ambulance!"
	Brian, who had returned, rushed to Kevin's other side while Howie
called 911 on his cell phone. In a few minutes, the ambulance pulled up. I
watched as the paramedics loaded Kevin onto the stretcher and talked about
broken bones. I grasped his hand, but couldn't ride with him, since I
wasn't related. Brian hugged me, and whispered, "He'll be okay, don't
worry. I'll see you at the hospital."
	The taxi had arrived and Amanda, AJ, and Howie all piled in. "Come
on!" AJ said, but I shook my head and mumbled something about meeting them
later. "Okay, suit yourself," he said, and the taxi drove off following the
ambulance.
	I had to walk, to clear my head. And I did. I walked for a couple
of hours. I found myself in dark alleys, and on streets I had never seen
before. I sat on the curb and called Zach. "Hello?" he said, sounding
groggy.
	"Zach, do you remember what you promised?" I asked, in a gruff,
tear-stained voice.
	"I guess."
	"Well, remember it, okay?"
	"Okay-Adam-are you okay?"
	"I'm fine. Just remember-you promised."
	"Okay. I will. "
	"Bye." I said, hanging up.
	I dialed a taxi service and gave the operator on the street corner
I was sitting on.
	When the taxi pulled up, I somehow wasn't surprised that it was
Rocky at the wheel. First, I asked him to take me to the hospital, and wait
until I came back out.
	I ventured in, and wandered up to the admissions desk. I don't know
why, but I guess it was because of my look of utter desperation that the
pitying nurse gave me Kevin's room number without so much as a question.
	I used the stairs to get to the fourth floor. When I got to his
hallway, I saw the boys slumped outside what was his door, obviously
tired. I realized it was in fact late, almost three to be exact. Amanda
must have left, because I didn't see her anywhere.
	I stepped quietly and carefully into his room, where Brian was
slumped on a corner chair asleep. Kevin slept fitfully on his hospital
bed. He looked childlike and helpless. It broke my heart a few times
over. I kissed him lightly, careful not to wake him, and tucked the note I
had written while I was waiting for the taxi, scribbled on the back of a
flyer I had picked up somewhere into his clasped hand. I kissed him once
more on his forehead, and left.
	I got back in the taxi and Rocky took me to the airport.