Date: Fri, 21 Feb 2003 22:11:33 -0800 (PST) From: Jason Calme Subject: Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You - Chapter 22 All the Ways I Love You This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex. You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence. This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person. Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author. Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com". Chapter 22 Simon had a big party with lots of friends over. I wasn't too sure what to do about Justin. Should we stay or should we go? I think Simon really wanted Justin to stay. But I kind of pointed out to him that it was his party and not having Justin there would allow him to be the center of attention. He almost bought it. I think he was conflicted, but my Mom also thought it would be a good idea that we weren't there, so Justin and I went out for dinner and were going to go to a movie afterward. But after dinner we were walking back to the car, kind of just chatting, and I got the feeling Justin didn't really want to do the movie. "You want to go back to the party?" I asked him. He shrugged. "It's up to you," I said. He shrugged again. "I don't know," he said. "You want to, don't you?" I said. He grinned guiltily. "Simon asked me a couple of times if I'd be there." "Yeah, he wanted you there more than anyone else!" Justin frowned. "You jealous?" "No!" I said, lying a little. He was my brother, after all. But I wasn't really that upset. More worried about what would happen if everyone knew Justin was there. But as Justin pointed out, we were planning to leave the next morning. So we decided to go. When we pulled up in the car I could tell the party was in full swing. "You stay here, I'll go see what's up," I said to Justin. It was a bit of a mad house inside. Crowds of kids. Loud music. I never had a party like this when I was a teenager. Simon must be popular! Simon came bounding over when he saw me. "Hey! Ethan!" he said breathlessly. "How's it going?" I said. "Great!" he said, then he glanced about, "is he...?" "In the car," I said, "I was just checking out what was up." "Can he come in?" "Simon." "Oh...come on," he whined. I shrugged. "It's not up to me Simon," I said. "What's not up to you?" said Justin. I turned, a little surprised to find him standing right beside me. I turned back to Simon, who's face had lit up. I think he was about to shout out to everyone that Justin Timberlake was at his party but I gave him a stare. "You okay?" I whispered to Justin. "Yeah. Just low-key, right?" and he grinned, a little nervously. My Mom suddenly appeared. "Can one of you help me please?" and she suddenly dragged Justin off to the kitchen. I shrugged. Well, whatever. Simon was over the moon. He excitedly told me that we hadn't missed the band; they were going to play shortly. I nodded and he bounced off excitedly. Simon's band was...well what they lacked in skill they more than made up for with enthusiasm and volume. They'd created a rudimentary stage in the backyard and everyone came out to hear them. I think all the amps were on '11.' Mom told them they had to turn it down a bit, which they did for maybe five minutes before it seemed to be back to just as loud as before. Fortunately they didn't know enough songs to play all evening, though they'd have probably kept playing the same ones over and over if given the chance. The family - Mom, Dad, Annie and I and Justin - stayed up the back, and though I saw a couple of people glancing at Justin, no one really seemed to figure out who he was. I guess Simon hadn't told all his friends about Justin after all. When they finally stopped - probably two minutes before the neighbors started complaining - Simon came over and everyone congratulated him. I gave him a big hug. Cam came over too and I noticed him kind of hanging back. Mom gave Simon a big hug and then Simon walked off to get a drink and Cam slid over beside her. She turned and smiled at him and told him how well he'd played and gave him a big hug and Cam's face brightened. I looked over and saw Simon watching them. I found Mom in the kitchen tidying up some things. Justin was helping too; either hiding out or just taking a break. With his cap and glasses still on, and hiding in the background, he still seemed largely unnoticed. I was impressed. "Hey," I said to Mom. Justin looked up and smiled and I nodded to him. "Everything okay?" Mom asked. "Yep," I said. "So it looks like you have another son." "What?" she said. "Cam." She raised her eyebrows, then nodded. "He is getting a bit clingy," she acknowledged. "I think it's getting to Simon." "I know," she nodded. "I've talked about it with Simon. I'm not too sure what to do. I think I might have to have Cam find another therapist. He's getting too attached." "Why's he like this? Because of what happened to him?" I asked. "I can't talk about Cam," and she paused, "...or his parents Ethan." So it was a family thing. "What about the cake?" I asked. Mom looked down at the large birthday cake on the counter. "I was just going to put it out," she said. "Not going to sing?" I asked. "He doesn't want it," Mom said. "What?" said Justin, a little surprised. "A little too childish he told me," she smiled. This was her third teenager so nothing really surprised or phased her. Justin looked at me, and a mischievous grin appeared on his face. "What?" I said. "Doesn't seem right, do you think?" he said. "Um...well if he doesn't want..." I began, but Justin fixed me with this cocky smirk and I knew he had something in mind. "Bring the cake," he said. I glanced at Mom, who looked a little curious, but also willing for some fun, so I shrugged and Mom and I picked up the cake, and we followed Justin out to the backyard. He made a bee-line for the stage area, pulling off his sun-glasses and hat as he went, and he started to swagger as he walked, as though he was adopting a different persona. Mom and I just followed him out there. Justin went over to Ben and whispered to him and Ben rushed over to the side and did something, while Justin went up and grabbed one of the microphones. He stopped for a second and looked at Ben, who looked up and gave him a thumbs up and Justin held a hand up in the air as he spoke into the microphone. "Can I have your attention!" he said. A few people stopped talking, but there was still a lot of noise until Justin suddenly yelled this loud 'Whoop" and everyone stopped and turned. "Thank you!" said Justin smiling. "Hi! I'm Justin Timberlake and I'm just here because...where's Simon?" and he looked out in the crowd, one hand over his eyes as though peering into the distance. Simon rather embarrassedly stepped forward. "Come on up!" Justin waved at him, and Simon stepped up and a little reluctantly came to stand beside Justin, who proceeded to put his arm around Simon's shoulders and pull him close to him. "So my homy here's turning the big fifteen," Justin began, laying it on a bit thick, "and I just wanted to say, I heard ya play before and it was just awesome Man! Mad props to you dawg!" Everyone applauded and Justin hugged Simon and I wondered how long this was going to go on but Simon was grinning from ear to ear. "But we gotta do the tradition Man!" and he waved at the cake. I was now holding it with both hands and Mom was trying to light the single candle in the middle. So while I concentrated on not dropping the damn heavy cake, Justin led everyone in a very loud and enthusiastic round of happy birthday, and then Simon came over and blew out the candle. Things were a little crazy after that as a many of the guests tried to get to talk to Justin. We decided to beat a retreat to the den for a while to let things calm down. Luckily it wasn't too long before the kids were being picked up - most of them still not driving. After most of the people had left, we ventured out and Simon dragged Justin around introducing him to a few people. I could just imagine how excited he was doing that. Simon would take Justin up to a couple of kids and introduce him. Justin would shake their hands or even hugged them, and then Simon would lead him off somewhere else and the kids, who had remained so cool during the introduction, would turn and go 'oh my God!' to each other. And then it was just Ben and Cam and Simon cleaning up. Cam had avoided me mostly, though he nodded once as he walked past me. The three musketeers were going to be camping out in Simon's room again. It seemed to take forever to clean up, but finally things were mostly under control, and Justin and I made our way to our separate rooms. I was too tired to do anything about that. The next morning started late. After showering and dressing, I wandered back to my room to drop my stuff. I was looking through my bag for something when I heard a noise and looked up. Cam was standing in the doorway. He looked nervous. "Hey Cam," I said. "Hi," he mumbled. I looked at him but he didn't say anything, so I went back to my bag, finally finding the Swiss Army knife right at the bottom where it always settled. I looked up again and Cam was still standing there. I looked at him and gave him a 'huh?' kind of look and he just stood there. I shrugged and leaned back against the end of the bed. "Is there something I can do for you Cam?" I asked. He stood there thinking. He looked left and right and then stepped into the room kind of slowly. "Yeah," he said quietly, "I wanted to ask you something." "Oh, okay," I said, feeling nervous. What was he going to ask me? I really didn't want to do this, but what else could I do? I wished we were down stairs. Or that Mom was here. Or someone else. This was a little too much pressure. Cam stepped into the room and he closed the door behind him, and that made me more nervous. Being in a room with him alone. What happened if he got upset? What did I do? What if he said I touched him? I was about to get up when I thought that might not be a good idea either. So I just sat there on the floor looking up at Cam. Cam stood there, not saying anything. He was looking around my old room. Taking it in. There was still some of my stuff here. Books and things, though it wasn't really how it had been when I had last been living in the room. It felt a little odd to me in that way. "What's the question Cam?" I asked a little impatiently. I just wanted to get out of there. "Oh yeah," he said looking back at me nervously. "I was...ah...wondering...ah..." and he trailed off. Shit! This could take a while just to get to the question. I sat there watching him. I didn't want to press him too much. I would have liked to hurry him up a bit, but I couldn't think of how to do it. He looked at me and saw I was waiting patiently. "I was just wondering how you knew you were..." he kind of rushed the question and then swallowed the last part, blushing a bit. "Gay?" I asked. He nodded. "It kind of just gradually happened in a way. It wasn't like a switch. And I didn't always know I was gay. I didn't know what I was. I tried to be straight but it didn't seem to work." I looked to see if he understood, but he was staring blankly at me. "The thing is when I was like in my teens I was curious about girls and boys. But then I kind of found I was more curious about boys than girls. And just as time went on I finally realized that it was boys...ah men...that...ah excited me. Does that make sense?" He looked at me and nodded. "So you tried it with girls?" he asked. "A bit," I nodded. "I went on a few dates and stuff. Girls can be fun too!" I said and smiled. "So how old were you when you decided?" "Ahh, well I didn't really decide. It was more like I realized what the truth was when I was 17, almost 18 which is when I finally acknowledged that I was gay and told anyone. But I'd kind of been leaning that way for a while. I couldn't really say when." Cam nodded and stood there quietly. Somehow I didn't know if I'd answered the question, or if that even was the question. He looked around, staring off into space. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask me?" I asked. His eyes came back to me, and they seemed to be asking me something but I couldn't tell what. "So...ahh...are you and Justin..." he began. "We're friends Cam," I said calmly. "I can't tell you any more than that, and I'd really be grateful if you didn't tell anyone, other than Ben and Simon about it..." "Oh, I wouldn't tell anyone," he said hastily. "Thanks Cam." And he stood there and I really wanted to get out of there, but he was in no hurry. "Have you ever wondered why?" he asked casually. "Why?" "What made you gay?" I looked at him blankly. Thinking fast. Why? Why was he asking why? "Uh...a little...," I began tentatively. "I mean I don't think they really know what makes people gay...I've often wondered. Uh, between you and me, there have been times when I've wished I was just 'normal.' But I'm not straight and I don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about why." I was sitting there and I really wanted to ask him 'do you think you're gay Cam?' not because I thought he was, but I guess I was curious because of the questions. But I figured that was not the right thing to do. Cam stood there and nodded. And still I sat there. He finally looked back at me, but then looked down at his shoes. "Were you ever..." and he trailed off and I couldn't make out what he was saying. "I didn't catch that Cam," I said. He looked up. He was looking a little upset and I was starting to think about my options. I figured throwing open the door and yelling for Mom was the best idea if he went to pieces. I couldn't touch him. That wasn't a good idea. "Did anyone ever?" he said. "Anyone ever?" I repeated blankly, and he stared at me and nodded and it took me a moment to guess what it was he was asking. Okay, I'm slow. Then it dawned on me. "You mean, was I molested?" I whispered. He didn't look at me, he just nodded. "No Cam. I wasn't molested. I wasn't turned gay by being molested. I'm not even sure that can happen, but I don't know. I'm sorry, I just don't know." He nodded. His eyes were watery, but he kept it under control. He nodded again and stepped back to open the door. "Hey Cam," I called. He stopped and looked back at me. "If you ever have any questions, want to talk to me, either Simon or my Mom have my email address and phone number. Or they could relay the question to me. You can trust Mom to keep anything private." Cam nodded and smiled a little. "Thanks Ethan," he said, and then he was gone. A little later I found Mom in her bedroom. "Cam came and talked to me this morning," I said. She was folding some clothes and she looked up and smiled. "I hoped he would," she said. "Should I tell you what he asked me?" I asked her. She frowned briefly. "Did he tell you not to tell me?" "No." "Then you can tell me," she said. "He basically asked me why I thought I was gay and if I'd been molested when I was younger." "Okay," she nodded. She didn't seem surprised. "Was he okay at the end?" "He was a little...ah...not quite upset." "Well, just having him talking to you on his own is a big step forward." I really felt like I wanted to help Cam. Whether he was straight or gay he was obviously finding it difficult, and I could identify with that. I just didn't know how to help him. "Is there anything else I could, or should do?" I asked. "No dear. Not unless he asks you. Best to leave him alone. I know you want to help but unfortunately you're...well you're kind of a problem for him to deal with." "Okay," I said, a little disappointed. "I feel so sorry for him. I wish I could do something. I just wanted to hug him but I knew I couldn't go near him. I'm just so mad that happened to him." "Don't you start getting worked up about it," Mom said to me. She stepped over and gave me a quick hug. "He already blames himself. We don't need more guilt. The best you can do is try and treat him normally, engage him in things if you can, but respect his boundaries." She stepped away from me and patted my back. "Okay?" she asked. "Okay." Justin and I left before lunchtime. It was hard to go - it felt so good to be home - but Justin had a recording session lined up the next morning and had some things he had to do before it, so we couldn't stay. We reluctantly said goodbye to everyone and hopped in the car and drove home. A few days later Justin got sick. He was sneezing all morning and by mid afternoon he was a miserable bundle. Blowing his nose, and feeling sorry for himself. I found him in the bathroom sneezing repeatedly while trying to brush his teeth. "You go back to bed," I said, "you're sick." "I've got a meeting," he moaned. "Cancel it." "I can't." "Why not?" He stood there for a moment and then shrugged. "Come on Turbo," and I took his arm and he reluctantly followed me back to the bedroom. I pulled off the hooded sweatshirt and he shivered. "Maybe you need something for warmth," I said and I went to the dresser and pulled out a regular sweatshirt of mine and helped him into it. "I need more clothes," he said quietly. "You and J-Lo," I joked. "No, I mean here." "Yeah," I said. I reached out and started unbuttoning his pants. He swayed towards me just a bit and I put my hand on his groin and squeezed him a little through the denim. He groaned and it started to thicken. "Hey, if you're well enough for that, maybe you're well enough to go to the meeting," I joked. "I don't know if I am well enough for that!" he said, leaning against me as I pushed my hand inside his pants and squeezed again. "Well something in here seems to think you are," I grinned. "But you need your rest." I let go of him and pushed his jeans down, squatting to pull them all the way to his ankles. He stepped out of them and I looked up into the bulge in his underwear. "I could get to like this," I said, and debated kissing him there, but decided he really did need his rest. I went and grabbed sweatpants for him and helped him into those too. When I finished pulling them up we were face to face and he smiled at me. "I like dressing and undressing you," I said and leaned in to kiss him. "You'll catch it," he said turning slightly away from me and I made an 'Oh Bother!' face and kissed him on the forehead. Then I turned and pulled back the covers and waved for him to get in. Pulling up the covers I tucked him in and gave him another peck on the cheek. "You comfy?" I asked. "Yes Momma!" he smiled back at me. "Just want to make sure my baby is warm and toasty." "I think so." "You want anything?" "Juice?" "Okay. I'll get you some. Now no getting up unless you have to go to the bathroom. You're to stay in bed and rest." "Oh, I need to call and let them know I'm sick." "Here," I said, picking the phone up from the night table and handing it to him. "Don't be too long on the phone though. I want you to get some rest. I'm going to see what cold medications we have." I came back in with orange juice and he was on the phone talking to someone. "Who you talking to?" "Lance," he said, pausing to listen to the phone and then adding "Lance says 'Hi!'" "Hi Lance," I called back. "Ethan says Hi," Justin repeated, "Yeah he's taking care of me." "Tell Lance goodbye." "In a minute," replied Justin. "Okay," and I went out to the bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet. There was nothing there for colds or flu. I'd have to make a run down to the store. Back in the bedroom Justin was still on the phone, but he looked an awful color. "I was going to do that Lance," Justin was saying, "but Johnny said..." I went over to Justin and pulled the phone out of his hand. "Lance?" I said. "Hey Ethan? How's things?" "Good. But the patient needs his rest. So unless you've got anything urgent to talk to him about..." "No...he was just whining to me." "I thought so. I'll let you get back to your work." "Thanks. Tell J to take care of himself. Bye" "Bye Lance." I hung up the phone and put it on the dresser, out of reach from the bed. "Hey!" said Justin, "I was talking!" "Well you're not any more. Now you're getting rest," I said pushing him gently so that he lay down and then straightening the covers around him. "Lance said to take care of yourself." "Okay," he said settling back into the bed. "You warm enough?" "Yeah." "So how do you feel? You stuffy or what?" "I don't know. Little stuffy. I've got a wicked headache. Don't feel too good." "Where's the headache?" "Kind of all over." "Okay. I'm going to run down to the store and get some medicine, as the cabinet is kind of bare. You going to be okay for a little bit?" "Yeah. I'm okay." I went out and was gone maybe twenty minutes. When I came back things just didn't seem right. I went down to the bedroom and Justin wasn't in it. But it smelled. Of vomit. I looked and saw he had thrown up in the bed. Oh shit. The bathroom door was closed and the fan was on. I knocked on the door. "Justin? You okay?" I called. I heard a faint moaning noise. I opened the door and Justin was sitting on the toilet, kind of crouched down, looking awfully pale. Naked except for briefs that were at his ankles. "Justin?" I called quietly. He looked up at me, his eyes sunken and dark. He'd gone from looking bad to terrible in less than half an hour. I mentally kicked myself for leaving him. "I'm not too good," he burbled, stating the obvious. I moved quickly too him and squatted down. "What's the matter?" "I threw up...dysentery...oh God!" he groaned and was clutching his stomach. I put my hand to his forehead. He was burning up. I didn't know what to do. I tried to remember what my mother did when Simon was sick. I couldn't give him medicine until he could keep things down. I had to get the temperature down though. That's if it was too high. Damn! I didn't have a thermometer. I felt his forehead again, trying to guess his temperature. I put my other hand on his back and rubbed it gently, trying to comfort him. He groaned again and there was the sound of running water as fluids rushed out of him. I flushed the toilet and his head kind of rolled towards me. "Justin?" I called, panicked. He leaned back a bit and then opened his mouth and stuff just poured out of his mouth, covering his chest and legs and spraying on the floor. "Shit!" I leapt up trying to avoid being covered. I should have gotten him a bowl. What was I thinking? I waited until he was finished and then didn't know what to do. "Justin, are you okay?" "No..." he shook his head. "Just stay here for a minute," I said, jumping up and running to the shower. I started it up, got it nice and warm and then went over and pulled Justin over to the shower, and pushed him under it. I was holding onto him and getting soaked, but it couldn't be helped. He seemed hardly aware of what was happening, but it occurred to me that this might cool down his temperature. After a couple of minutes he seemed to become a little more conscious of what was going on. I helped him down so that he was sitting in the bathtub, being sprayed by the water, and left him there for a second while I went and grabbed a towel and quickly scrubbed up the worst of the mess on the floor. Then I went back and checked on Justin. "Justin, do you think you're going to be sick again?" I asked him. He looked up at me and then leaned forward and threw up. I guess that answered my question. I helped him lean forward. "That's it Justin. Get it all out," I said, and he leaned further forward and really seemed to put his heart into it, throwing up again and then heaving a couple more times, though nothing more came out. I straightened him up and he was shaking badly and I wrapped my arms around him, holding him under the water. After a minute or two the shaking subsided and I shut the water off and grabbed two big towels and wrapped him up in them. "You okay baby?" I said to him, holding him close and feeling him shake a little. "Uh huh," he mumbled. "You be okay for a minute?" He nodded. "Stay here," I said, and ran to the kitchen and came back with a large bowl, in case he needed it. He was standing shivering, and I pulled him into a hug and then helped him out to the sofa and laid him down on that, covering him in blankets. He seemed to have come to his senses a bit. "Will you be okay for a couple of minutes?" I asked. He nodded and I left him clutching the bowl. In the bedroom I started stripping off all of the soiled sheets and blankets. I took them into the bathroom and threw them into the shower, followed by the towel I used to clean the bathroom. I took another towel and tried to clean up the bathroom some more. Then I went back to the bedroom and checked that over; luckily everything had been 'contained', and I made up the bed. Out on the couch Justin was lying there with his eyes closed. "Come on baby," I said, helping him up and leading him back into the bedroom. I got him into underwear and another pair of my sweats and put him into the bed. "How you doing?" I asked him. "Bit better," he said in a small voice. "That's good." I put my hand on his forehead. He felt a little cooler. I went and got some medicine and had him take it. Then I went into the bathroom. It stunk. I went and got some trash bags and put the towels and bedclothes that were in the shower into those. I'd have to get to the Laundromat pretty quick with this pile I thought. Sealing them up I put them out in the kitchen, then I went back into the bathroom and used some disinfectant to wash it down. It smelt a bit better by the time I was done, but now I was feeling exhausted. I went into the bedroom and saw Justin lying in bed. He was curled up in a ball. "You okay baby?" I asked him. "I'm cold," he said plaintively. I looked at him, he was shaking. There were already several blankets and a comforter on him. I went and grabbed another one and threw it on, but he was lying there shaking and I didn't know what to do. I stripped off my clothes, which were soaked from the shower and put on some sweats and slid into bed next to him. "Here Justin," I said, "get warm with me." He slid next to me and he actually felt warmer than I was. He put his arms around me and clung tightly. I was warming up rather dramatically, but thankfully his shaking started to subside. He had a bad case of vomit breath, but I couldn't push him away. I tried to ignore it. The medicine I think was starting to work. He coughed and I worried he was going to throw up on me, then he settled down and I realized he was sleeping. I lay there holding him to me, and slowly stroked his hair. I leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. So glad he was here. That I was there for him. My angel. Who smelt of vomit. Who I loved even more, every minute that I held him. I'd liked to say that the first time we had anal sex was the most intimate, wonderful experience we ever had. It wasn't. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad. It just happened. But there was so much work and anticipation and fear leading up to it that it was almost difficult to enjoy it. It was more like, 'we know we're going to do it, let's get it over with.' I'd been encouraging Justin to stimulate me during oral sex. Rubbing a finger around, slipping it in. We did that a few times. After a bit he started to get into it, so it was just a matter of encouraging him to do it a bit more each time, while stimulating him as much as possible. He'd be thrusting his finger in and out of me while I sucked him off. Then one day I encouraged him to slip in a second finger, and I gave him plenty of jelly to lubricate me. While he was doing that, I took a big dollop of lubricant and started rubbing it over his dick. He paused for a moment, I think it dawned on him why I was doing it and he was thinking about it. I wondered if he was going to pull away, but then he thrust up into my hand and I knew he was into it. So I just scooted around and pushed him into position. I basically grabbed his dick and pulled it towards me. I knew he wasn't going to lead. Once he was in position, I put a hand on his butt to pull him forward. It took a couple of pushes until the head was through and I was gasping and Justin was asking if I was okay and then I was kissing him to let him know it was, and that he was to slide in gently. And he did. Oh so slowly. I had to push on his butt to get him to hurry up a bit. Finally he was most of the way in, and we both kind of let out a gasp. "You okay?" I whispered. "Yeah? You?" "Yeah...I love you." "I love you." And then he started pumping. First slow careful strokes, then building faster and faster until he was flying and then he shook and his rhythm broke and he thrust erratically and he was cuming. Yelling and groaning in my ear and shaking on top of me, his eyes squeezed shut. He was up on his arms and I could look down his chiseled chest and see his neat pubic bush and the thick tube sticking out of it that was lodged inside me and I loved him so much. I loved him so much. ------------------------------- To be continued... ------------------------------- My other stories: High School: Do What You Can Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues