Date: Sat, 24 Feb 2001 18:27:38 EST From: Gking0300@aol.com Subject: Before the Storm-4 Hey, it's me again with another installment of Before the Storm, this'll be the fourth one now. . If you want me to e-mail you when I update, tell me and I'll be happy to send you a reminder. Thanks for reading. PLEASE e-mail me comments and suggestions. Believe it or not, I hope this one will make it past two installments. And read my other stories!!! The Day Before Tommorow, At the Beginning with You, Rain, and Still Every Time. And please go easy on me. I've had some e-mails criticizing the basis of my writing and my style, and while I like the input, I'm still in High School and haven't completely developed my writing yet. SO LAY OFF : ) Gking0300@aol.com Boygod85@hotmail.com Gking03@yahoo.com Disclaimer: this is a complete work of fiction, this is not a representation of the actual sexual orientation of any of the backstreet boys. Before the Storm (4) Brian sat up in bed, the opressive silence almost immediately set in. Above him, an IV bag swung hypnotizing from its metal stand. His eyes followed the cord full clear liquid down to his hand. Struggling to keep his eyes open, he slowly became aware of the beeping machine next to the bed. Moving over a little, he looked down to his wrists, wrapped in gauze. Touching his face, he winced as he felt a bruise on his forehead. Lying back in bed, his mind slowly ran through the series of events over and over again. The pills The glass shattering from the mirror The blood The broken shards The blackness The kiss Tensing slightly, he remembered Nick, bent over him, his beautiful blond hair tickling his cheeks. Brian remembered his warmth, then the feel of those lips, softly caressing his. Brian smiled and settled back into the pillow, pulling the stiff sheets up further. He loves me He loves me not He loves me ***** Nick lay back in Kevin's arms feeling the subtle strength hidden behind his lover's quiet and peaceful mask. His dark hair was a perfect complement to his intense green eyes, and his gaze was light, yet searching and had a powerful effect. Nick pulled himself closer to Kevin, leaning his head on his chest, feeling the warmth of Kevin's bare skin. The hospital was quiet, the faint mechanical noises sounded vaugely in the background, and a muted TV flashed in the corner of the lounge. Nick looked down the hallway, the tile sparkled in the bright glare of the flourescent lights recessed into the ceiling. Nick's mind wandered back to the bathroom, back to the moment when time stopped. He remembered bending over Brian, seeing for the first time how truly beautiful he was. His eyes were deep, pools you could get lost in. His face was pale, his skin white and devoid of color, his perfect features set back almost invisible. And the kiss. It was so perfect, releasing the pent up love and desires they had for each other in one second, a second for Nick, that meant the entire world. Nick felt sick to his stomach as he latched his arms around Kevin. He was sick. Dirty and sick. Kevin was wonderful, hell, he was gorgeous and caring, and he took Nick into his life without any inhibitions. Nick flinched as he foresaw the hurt and betrayal Kevin was to experience. Looking up, Nick watched Kevin sleep, his lids closed over his eyes. Nick kicked himself mentally for hurting such a beautiful man, a man who was worth more than life itself. For a minute, Nick stared at Kevin, watching him sleep. Who do I love? Nick asked himself as he felt his eyelids drooping. Kevin's body was warm, and his love for Nick almost radiated out of his body, enveloping the blond in his aura. When sleep finally came, Nick was caught in emotional trauma. I love them both. Don't I? ***** "Brian." "Nick." "I," "No please don't." "Brian, I, I need to talk to you," Nick said finally sitting down on the edge of the bed. The room was bare, void of any decoration. The unmarred white of the walls matching the sterile tiles on the floor made Nick's head spin. "Brian, I, I," Nick started but quickly fell silent, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Nick, I understand. We were caught up in the moment, it was completely spur of the moment," Brian said painfully watching Nick look up at him. Nick was beautiful. On second thought, he was gorgeous. His face was perfect, his eyes bright and his creamy skin flawless. "I'm so sorry Nick, I really am." Nick felt his heart fall, his false hopes come crashing down. He turned his eyes away from his love and back to the floor. "I know Brian, I don't know what I was thinking," he forced out, trying desperately to hold control of the emotions which threatened to explode. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bring this between us. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you while you were like that." Brian closed his eyes and willed the tears away, not wanting to loose his composure in front of his friend. "I'm so sorry," he whispered quietly and lay back on the bed, tears spilled form the corners of his eyes. "We still cool"? Nick asked brokenly, wiping tears from his eyes with the back of his sweatshirt. Brian nodded and sniffed slightly, red beginning to show on his eyelids and veins stood out against the whites of his eyes. "Yeah, we're cool," Brian said trying for a smile. Nick got up and walked around the bed to Brian. "Let's put this behind us," he said as a tear slid down his cheek. Sniffing some more, he wiped it away quickly and smiled again. Brian smiled again, but bit his lip so hard blood started to run down his chin. Nick bent down and hugged Brian closely, feeling the burst of emotions from inside. Choking a little, Nick felt fresh tears run down his face as his heart started to physically hurt. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Nick pulled away and saw Brian's closed lids. Then, like a magnetic force, the distance between them closed. Nick watched as Brian's eyes closed, his eyelashes curled upwards against the tan of his skin. This can't be happening. Nick shifted slightly as Brian's hand came to rest on his. Nick leaned in a little further. No, he said put it behind us, I have to. I have to. Brian parted his lips and Nick felt his eyes close, his breathing becoming short and shallow. Nick could feel Brian's breath blowing across his face. His breath smelled faintly of mint. Nick felt Brian's lips brush his. Out of control, he moaned slightly as he felt his tounge push into Brian's mouth. "Brian, how long have we waited, tell me, how long?" Brian couldn't help himself and broke down crying. Pulling Nick closer, he tightened the liplock and ran his hands up and down Nick's back. "Damn-it Nick, I need you so bad," he said in between short breaths. Nick smiled through his tears and pressed himself against Brian hard, feeling his body warmth radiating like rays of heat, soothing his pain and suffering. "I love you so much Brian, I love you so much," he murmered as Brian hugged him close. "I don't know how we got into this, but I love you, I need you close to me." Brian was shocked by the words he heard, and his mind almost refused to process them. Hearing what he had waited a lifetime was almost like a dream, like a fantasy that steals into your head in the middle of the night, leaving you breathless in your bed, grasping for the memory. "I love you too Nick, I need you in my life, say you'll be mine, say it." Nick held his breath and watched Brian closely. He was tired, Nick saw the pain and want behind the bloodshot eyes. There were faint circles under his eyes and his skin had regained some color, but was still a pale ghostly white. Despite the physical setbacks, Brian's natural charm and beauty shone through like the sun, and he was just as gorgeous as he had always been. "Yes Brian, I will. I'm yours for as long as you want me." ***** The room was quiet, the stillness setting in on Nick Carter's ears like the dull roar of the ocean waves. The drapes were drawn tightly over the window, but he could see the bright sunlight trying to force its way through the heavy curtains. Alexander sat next to the window, his knees pulled tightly against his chest, his crazy spikes tamed for the moment. He read a book quietly, his dark eyes settled upon his band members momentarily before focusing back in on his book. Howard lay on the couch, a magazine lay face down on his chest. Judging by the heavy shading of the skin around his eyes and the light snoring, he had lost a lot of sleep. He moved quietly in his slumber. Kevin sat with his back against the wall, his handsome faced creased with worry. Against his chest, a blond dozed lightly, his beautiful golden locks were disarranged against Kevin, and his arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. Kevin's green eyes were open and alert, his gaze settled on the two remaining occupants in the room. Dawson sat quietly, Brian's head resting on his shoulder. His sparkling eyes gazed off into nothingness, his expression blank, his demeanor unforgiving. Brian wrapped one arm around his waist and cuddled closer, nuzzling his nose in the space between Dawson's neck and shoulder. Brian looked at Nick out of the corner of his eye and quickly looked away as he saw Nick's eyes fixed on him. Shifting uneasily in his seat, Brian's mind ran over the hurt look on Nick's face from his spot with Kevin. Kevin. Damn his cousin to take away what they needed so badly. Looking over at Kevin again, his heart softened. He doesn't even understand what's going on. Looking up at Dawson, he gently stroked his lover's chest. And neither does he, Brian thought slowly to himself. Closing his eyes, he readjusted the gauze bandages on his wrists and arms. I'm happy for now. Am I? Brian smiled as he kissed the top of Dawson's head, smelling the sweet lingering scent of peach shampoo. Laughing a little to himself, he ruffled his lover's hair and went back to dozing. I'm happy for now. ***** Nick's body moved with the ease of someone accustomed to wrenching their body into increasingly complicated moves. The only evidence of his stress was his breathing and a single trail of sweat forming at the back of his neck. His blond hair lay matted to his forehead as he concentrated, biting his lip subconciously. His mind trailing away from the music, a song came out of nowhere filling his head with the haunting melody. Looking over, he was riveted to the floor by Brian's gaze. I can read your mind, and I know your story I see what your going through (yeah) It's an uphill climb, and I'm feelin sorry But I know it will come to you (yeah) So don't surrender, cause you can't win In this game called love Closing his eyes in a silent prayer, Nick continued to dance to the music, his body on autopilot, Celine Dion's voice ringing through the corridors of his mind. When you want it the most There's no easy way out When you're ready to go And your heart's left him out Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe And that's the way it is Nick bit his lips and threw himself into the muscle pulling move at the end of "Get Another Boyfriend." Placing his hands on his head, he walked around feeling the cool air from the open door blow against his heated body. Stepping outside, he smelled the familiar scent of the earth right after a rain, the clean smell soothed him as the music continued. When you question me, for a simple answer I don't know what to say (no) But it's plain to see, that if we stick together You're gonna find a way (yeah) So don't surrender, cause you can't win In this game called love Nick froze as he felt a hand on his back and turned around, pierced by Brian's intense eyes. "Brian, I." Brian wrapped his arms around Nick's neck and kissed him softly on his lips. Nick closed his eyes and once again surrendered himself to the emotions he crazed. He was high. High off love, high off Brian. When you want it the most There's no easy way out When you're ready to go And your heart's left him out Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe And that's the way it is Nick pulled back from Brian's embrace suddenly, his blue eyes watered slightly. "Brian, you know we'll never, I mean, we can't," he started but was overcome quickly. Brian nodded. "I know Nick, but I need to know it might have, I mean, could have happened." "It could have," Nick said softly, holding Brian's hand tightly. Brian nodded and turned. The rain fell from the skies in a light drizzle, like a dusting of spray from a waterfall. The sky was blue and clear, the blanket of clouds softened the landscape, the harsh black of the skyscrapers melted from their vision. "It still can," Brian started hesitantly squeezing Nick's hand. Nick shook his head. "Brian, I love you more than anything, but I love Kevin too. I need to give him the chance he deserves, and I'm going to do anything I can do to make him happy. He's a person too Brian, he loves me, he cares for me. I owe it." Brian nodded and felt Nick's hand slip from his grasp. Turning around, he watched the blond slip into the building. As if on cue, the light dimmed and the rain sheeted from the sky, a strange mist hovered a few feet above the ground, obscuring Brian's view of the surrounding buildings. Falling to his hands and knees, he felt the rainwater on the gravel soak through his pants, and he felt the odd sensation of the rough rocks against his hands. His tears mixed with the rainwater and he cried out his frustration and heartbreak. Rainwater soaked his hair and the humidity caused his bangs to curl around his soaked brow. Squeezing his eyes tightly, he saw starbursts, and faintly, Nick's voice sounded inside his head. "I know Brian, I don't know what I was thinking" "I love you so much Brian, I love you so much" "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" "Brian, how long have we waited, tell me, how long?" "I don't know how we got into this, but I love you, I need you close to me" "It's an uphill climb, and I'm feelin sorry" "When you're ready to go, and his heart's left you out" "Yes Brian, I will. I'm yours for as long as you want me" "He's a person too Brian, he loves me, he cares for me" "I owe it to him" "Brian, you know we'll never, I mean, we can't" He loves me He loves me not He loves me He loves me not ***** Three sets of eyes watched Brian fall to the ground outside. "Goddamn, what the fuck is wrong with him? What could be so wrong that I missed? Fuck you Richardson, he's your cousin, you should know these things" "He doesn't love you, he doesn't love you and you saw it coming. I need him so much but he doesn't love me, he loves Brian. I need to let him go. I need to leave him be, it's his life and it's killing him." "I love you so much Brian, I love you so much it hurts." The lone blond figure pressed his hands against the window, his breath blowing steam, fogging his reflection. He watched Brian fall to the ground on his hands and knees, the rain falling around him like tears from heaven. Sharp spasms of pain started deep within his body. "I love you too Nick, I need you in my life, say you'll be mine, say it." ***** The rain fell from the sky in torrents, soaking the streets in water, saturating the city in its relentless downpour. The heavens watched as a man ran from the building, his short blond hair plastered to his head. A man kneeling on the ground looked up as the blond approached him. The rain stopped to a drizzle as they came together in a whirl of emotions, like the end of a fairy tale, like the beginning of a dream. They whirled around, dancing to the unheard music of their own orchestra. Two figures watched them, tears streaming from their eyes. "Finally," they thought to themselves, smiling despite their sadness. "Finally, the storm is over." ***** TBC. . .