Blissful Tears

Chapter 12

As soon as the Toronto concert ended, Brian arranged to go to the airport and fly to Lexington. Leighanne and Jackie had ordered Brian to come home to work on the details for the September wedding. He didn't care anymore. He had suffered through watching AJ move on with his life, coming and going at all hours, often with a cute guy by his side. Brian simply went through the motions. At home he found it easiest to just nod his head in agreement with anything Leighanne suggested. He found his mother hadn't forgot about his 'indiscretion'. She took every opportunity to use it against Brian if he tried to change any of the plans. Otherwise, Jackie and Harold ignored their youngest son.

Back in Orlando Brian barely acknowledged the announcement by his cousin that he and Chris were in a relationship. He was happy for Kevin, and Chris too. Why couldn't he find that happiness? The suggested recording schedule was handed out and both Brian and AJ asked for changes so that they never recorded at the same time.

Management obviously knew there were problems, but didn't know exactly what. They modified the schedule as much as possible to accommodate their singers.

Looking back, Brian honestly could not say he remembered the next three months. He existed in a daze, going day to day. He went to the studio when required, he returned home as requested. It was the social gatherings that were the hardest. The record label insisted on the group attending a number of parties with other people on the label. At each party, AJ flaunted a new boy-toy. AJ's orientation was well known within the Jive family, and he took full advantage of it.

AJ was still angry. He was so sure that Brian was the 'one' for him, and Brian destroyed that dream. He tried to hate him, he pretended that he did. Deep down he knew he would always love Brian. He used the bars and the parties to bury the pain of knowing that love wasn't returned. He kept bringing guys to the parties hoping to get a reaction from Brian. Sometimes he wasn't even sure Brian had noticed.

The five singers sat quietly while Chris went over the proposed schedule suggested by the record company for the final recording, promotion and release of their next CD. Chris was interrupted by a phone ringing.

"Excuse me," AJ said as he pulled out his cell phone. "Hello?…Hey Jesse," he said and got up to walk around. "You are?…Okay, I will." He walked down the short hall towards the door. Chris looked at Kevin, who shrugged. He had no idea who Jesse was. He glanced at his cousin and found he couldn't read him, as had become the norm. He was worried about Brian but didn't know what to do. He hoped Brian would talk to him, when he was ready.

They could hear the door of the apartment open.

"AJ baby!" a new voice said loudly.

Brian winced internally. Another one of AJ's guys. He couldn't believe that AJ would bring one of his boy-toys to his apartment. It was bad enough seeing AJ with all the different men, but that was beyond cruel. He barely glanced up as AJ walked back into the room holding the hand of his latest, a tattoo covered club-kid.

"Hey are we about done with the meeting? Jesse and I want to go party!" AJ said, wrapping himself around Jesse. He kissed Jesse's cheek. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at Brian and suddenly he could see the real pain there. He backed off Jesse a little. He glanced at the others and could read their looks of disapproval.

Chris sighed. "Yeah, we're done. I'll do up a draft and get a copy to each of you. Make sure you read it and get it back to me with any comments, okay?" he said, looking directly at AJ.

"No problem Chris. Later guys," AJ said and quickly pulled Jesse towards the door.

Brian waited until he heard the door close then stood up. "I'm going to take a nap, I'll see y'all later," he said softly, not looking at anyone directly. He slowly walked down the hall and closed his bedroom door.

The other four men sat quietly looking at each other.

"I hate this," Nick whispered.

Kevin sighed. "We all do, Nicky. But there is nothing we can do. Brian made his decision," Kevin said as he grasped Chris' hand. "No matter how much we want things to be different, we can't force them to be together."

Chris leaned over and kissed Kevin's cheek. "Why don't we go out for dinner, and give Brian some time alone? I have stuff to do tonight, but the three of you can come back and maybe talk to him," Chris suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea Chris," Howie agreed. After a little convincing, Kevin and Nick agreed too. Kevin left a note for Brian on the kitchen table and the four men left.

Brian sat on his bed feeling the pain eating him up from the inside out. He couldn't do it any more. It was too hard seeing AJ moving on with his life while he was sinking in quicksand. Brian had to get out. He had to do something. Brian grabbed his coat and keys and walked down the hall. He realized that everyone had left. The paper on the table caught his attention. Brian added his own note to the bottom.

Gone to studio to do some work. Back late. Brian.

All Brian could think about was ending the pain. He could not endure seeing AJ everyday and not having him. And even worse, was having AJ hate him. As he drove around, a plan began to formulate in his mind. He drove down to a part of town AJ had shown him once. He slowed as he approached the corner and one of the young guys standing there walked over.

Brian made the purchase. He didn't care what he bought, as long as it would stop the pain. The guy had assured him it would take care of everything. He drove to the studio. He owed the others some sort of explanation. He knew they would hate him for taking the easy way out, but he couldn't keep going. Everyone would be better off.

He sat quietly at the board and flipped the switch to record. He started to talk. It felt like he was rambling but he just wanted to get everything off his chest. He hoped they would eventually understand why he did this. As he finished saying what he wanted, he opened the small bottle he had bought and poured a dozen of the little pills into his hand. A quick motion and the pills were in his mouth. He took a large swallow of water. It was done.

Kenitra:-)