Blissful Tears - Chris and Kevin

He reflected on the past six weeks and winced. It really had been hell. What he needed was a night out, a night away from the others. His thoughts turned to Chris and he smiled. In the hell his life had become, Chris was the lone bright spot, an angel. Kevin knew he had more than 'friendly' feelings for the other man. The more they worked together, the more he was attracted to Chris' sharp mind and his humor, his honesty, his sparkling eyes and infectious smile.

'So what are you going to do about it?' Kevin asked himself.

Before he could answer, there was a knock on the door. He rolled off the bed and walked over to open the door. He smiled as he saw Chris standing there.

"Hi Chris!"

"Hey Kev. I was wondering if you were busy?" Chris asked, walking into the room as Kevin moved back to allow him access.

Kevin closed the door. "No, not really. But I'd rather not talk business tonight if you don't mind," he said quietly.

Chris immediately picked up the tone in Kevin's voice and looked intently at the older man. He could see how hard the past few weeks had been on Kevin. He wanted to help.

"That's okay. I'm not here for business," Chris said with a smile. "I wondered if you wanted to join me for dinner?" he suggested. He could see Kevin frown, and his optimism faded. "I don't mean like a date Kev," he said quickly. "Just two friends out for a good meal and some fun?"

Kevin looked at Chris intently for a moment. Here was his opportunity. He glanced down at his hands. "What if I want it to be a date?" he whispered.

Chris stared at Kevin, certain he'd misunderstood. Kevin wanted to go on a date with him? Chris walked over to stand directly in front of the slightly taller man.

"Kevin?" he said hesitantly. Kevin raised his head to meet Chris' gaze.

Kevin smiled slightly. "Its okay if you don't want to. I don't want you to feel pressured because of the whole employer/employee thing," he said, giving Chris an easy out.

Chris smiled and shook his head. "I don't feel pressured, I'm flattered. I would very much like it if we went on a date tonight Kevin."

Kevin's smile widened. "Great! Do you mind if I change first? I'm still wearing the clothes from the bus and would feel better in something fresh."

"No prob, I'll wait."

Kevin grinned and walked over to his suitcase. After rummaging around for a minute he dashed over to the bathroom. Chris smiled at Kevin's enthusiasm.

Chris was feeling very happy too. Kevin had never indicated any interest before. Chris knew he would have to move slowly. He wanted to be sure Kevin was sure and not just desperate for companionship. Chris had noticed Kevin's isolation and had done everything he could to help, but Kevin was still hurting.

Five minutes later Kevin walked out of the bathroom. He was dressed in black pants and a forest green shirt. He'd run some water through his hair, brushed his teeth and put on some after-shave. He smiled at Chris and Chris smiled back.

"All set?" Chris asked.

Kevin nodded. "You bet!" he said excitedly.

The two men left the hotel, catching a cab out front. Chris gave the driver an address and sat back in the seat.

"So where are we going?" Kevin asked curiously.

Chris grinned and shook his head. "It's a surprise. Just wait and see," he said.

For once Kevin decided to relax and enjoy. He didn't have to be in control all the time and it felt good that he could trust Chris enough to take over. He was tired of always being the responsible one.

A few minutes later the cab pulled to the curb. Chris paid and the two men climbed out. Kevin looked around and realized they were at the harbor. He followed Chris into the small restaurant. They were quickly seated at a secluded table next to a large window overlooking the water. The waiter took their drink order and left them to look over the menu.

"How do you know about this place?" Kevin asked as he looked around at the nautical décor.

Chris grinned. "I have family here actually. My older brother and his family, his wife Sara and their two kids," he explained.

Kevin looked stunned. "What? Why didn't you say anything Chris? Geez, I feel like shit! If you had told me I would have made sure you had the day off to visit them," Kevin said sincerely.

Chris held up his hands and shook his head. "Kev, its okay! They're in Arizona this week visiting my parents. The kids are on spring break," he explained.

Kevin was relieved. He sighed loudly then smiled. "Okay. But you do know that anytime you want a day off, just tell me?"

Chris nodded. "I do know that Kevin. Thank you." Chris picked up his glass of beer. "Now, lets totally forget about work. Tonight we are just Kevin and Chris, okay?"

Kevin nodded and picked up his glass. "I'll drink to that," he said and they touched glasses.

The two men spent the next few hours talking about themselves. Each learned about the other's childhood, where they grew up, what kind of trouble they got into. They talked about past loves and hopes for the future.

Kevin found himself connecting with Chris on a level he had never experienced before. He was attracted to Chris, physically, of course, the man was gorgeous, but there was also a strong intellectual attraction. Unlike some of Kevin's previous girlfriends, Chris could hold a very deep and intelligent conversation. He listened to what other people said, and voiced his own opinion without forcing it on to anyone. They had many things in common. Both wanted to establish successful careers of course, but they also wanted to settle down in a permanent location with someone they loved.

Kevin confided in Chris his strong desire to have a 'normal' life, with a house, and family. He knew Backstreet only had a few more years and he was almost thirty, so he was ready for something more permanent.

All too soon, the meal was over and it was time to leave. Kevin regretted having to leave the restaurant and the relaxed atmosphere. He found he couldn't take his eyes off Chris. Chris insisted on paying for the meal and had the waiter call a cab for them. They sat quietly on the ride back, wary of the driver overhearing anything that could be used against the group. Once back in the hotel they walked down the hall, stopping in front of Kevin's room.

"I had a good time tonight Kevin," Chris said softly, staring into Kevin's teal eyes.

"So did I," Kevin said huskily. More than anything he wanted to lean forward and kiss Chris, but just as he began to move, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Brian walked out followed closely by his bodyguard. Brian barely glanced at the two men as he walked listlessly past them and opened the door to his room. The guard waited until Brian was inside before turning to leave.

"Where was he, Marcus?" Kevin asked quietly.

Marcus frowned. "He just went to a book store and bought some novels. I don't think he said more than two words to anyone," Marcus said solemnly.

Kevin sighed. "Thanks, Marc." Marcus nodded and continued back to the end of the hall where he and another security man were sharing a room.

Kevin turned his attention back to Chris and smiled wistfully. "I guess its back to reality, huh?"

Chris nodded. "Soon. But I think we still have some business to finish. Maybe we should step into your room?" he suggested slyly.

Kevin grinned and unlocked his room. The two men stepped inside and Kevin closed the door. He turned back to face Chris, who was waiting expectantly. Kevin knew he had to make the first move. Stepping forward, Kevin put his hands gently on either side of Chris' face and leaned down. Very gently, their lips met. It was a soft and sweet kiss that promised more. Kevin pulled back slightly. "Thank you!" he whispered.

Chris just smiled and reached up to bring Kevin's lips back to him. The second kiss lingered longer than the first. Gradually their lips parted and each tongue tentatively ventured into the unexplored territory of the other's mouth. Many minutes later, both men pulled back at little. Their skin was flushed and their pulses were racing.

"Wow, you are a great kisser, Kev," Chris murmured.

Kevin smiled tenderly. "I was going to say the same thing about you," he said softly.

Chris ran his fingers through Kevin's tousled hair. "I guess I should get back to my room, huh?"

Kevin sighed softly. "I guess. We do have an early morning don't we?" he agreed reluctantly.

Chris nodded. He looked intently at Kevin and decided that everything should be out in the open. "Kev, I like you. I like you a lot. I could easily fall in love with you," he confessed and waited for Kevin's reaction.

Kevin smiled. "I feel the same Chris," he said honestly.

Chris was relieved. He'd hoped he wasn't reading too much into a single date. But they were in agreement. "I want to see more of you, on a personal level. But we need to take it slow. As you now know, I've been burned before and I need to know that you really want me, for me, not just to fill a space in your life created by the problems the group is having." Chris put a finger over Kevin's lips to stop his protest. "I know you wouldn't do that intentionally, Kevin. But I also know you have been very lonely and sad the last few weeks. I care for you a great deal and I'm happy to fill a void as a friend, but I have to know that if its going to be anything more, that its real." He hoped Kevin could see where he was coming from.

Kevin was quiet for minute, then nodded. "Okay Chris. I know how I feel, and I'm willing to go as slow as you want so that you know my feelings for you are real." He leaned down and kissed Chris again. "But I do hope that slow includes kisses because now that I've tasted those lips I don't think I can survive without them," he said sweetly.

Chris blushed. "I think kissing will be just fine," he agreed and moved to return the kiss to prove it.

Finally, he stepped back to the door. "I'll see you in the morning Kevin. Sweet dreams," he added as he closed the door behind him.

Kevin flopped down on his bed as he'd done earlier. But this time he was smiling. He could still feel Chris' warm lips on his. He closed his eyes and hugged himself in the memory. 'Sweet dreams' Chris had said. Kevin knew he would; he would be dreaming about Chris.

Kevin sat quietly on a couch in their dressing room. He was slowly drinking a bottle of cold water as he relaxed after their last concert. Brian had already gathered his stuff and left for the airport. AJ had showered quickly and left to go to a party or a club. Kevin couldn't remember which. Howie and Nick were in the showers cleaning up.

Kevin was waiting for Chris. During the past week, the two had spent almost all their free time together, as well as much of their working time. They had already been working closely for two months before their date a week ago. Kevin had suspected his feelings on that date, and now he was sure. Every moment spent with Chris was like a moment in heaven. He loved the blond man, completely.

He just wasn't sure about confessing his feelings. Chris had wanted to take things slowly, and they had. So far, neither had slept, in the literal sense, with the other. Chris always made sure that they were in their own rooms at night. Kevin knew that was partly to protect his reputation, but it was getting harder. He wanted to lay next to Chris, hold him, and love him. But would he scare Chris off if he told him his feelings?

Kevin glanced up as the door opened. His frown quickly changed to a smile as Chris walked in. "Hey," he said quietly.

Chris smiled and walked over. He bent down to kiss Kevin gently on the lips. "Hi! How are you? The concert went well," he commented as he sat down beside Kevin.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, it did. I'm so happy the tour's over though," he admitted.

Chris smiled knowingly. "Turn around, Kev," Chris said softly, touching Kevin's shoulder.

Kevin turned on the couch so his back was to Chris. Chris reached out and began to knead his tense shoulders and back. Kevin moaned softly as he felt Chris work out some of his tension.

Both men were lost in their own feelings and didn't hear the shower shut off, or the door open.

"Hi guys," Howie spoke quietly, but both Kevin and Chris jumped apart. They turned to look at Howie and Nick, and found Nick grinning.

Kevin felt himself blush. He knew he and Chris hadn't been doing anything wrong, but he had forgotten about his bandmates.

Howie noticed Kevin's embarrassment, and grabbed Nick's hand, directing him to the door. "I think we'll just go back to the hotel. We'll see you two later," he said as they left the room.

"You don't think?" Nick asked as they walked down the hall.

Howie grinned. "Not yet, but I would say soon. I'm happy for Kev," he added. Nick nodded his agreement.

(back in the dressing room)

"That was weird," Chris commented on the abrupt departure of the two singers.

Kevin smiled. "They know."

"Know what?"

"They know that you and I are ... what are we? Developing a relationship? They know something is going on with us," Kevin said. He stood up and stretched. "I think I'm going to wait until we get back to the hotel before I clean up. That way I can take a nice relaxing bath," he added.

"Whatever you want boss," Chris said, his voice suddenly very cold.

Kevin turned in confusion. "Chris?"

Chris ignored Kevin and started gathering up the few remnants that the guys had left lying around.

Kevin reached out and grabbed Chris' arm. "Chris, what's wrong? What just happened here?" he asked.

Chris sighed and turned to glare at Kevin. "You just announced that Howie and Nick know about us, as though you were talking about ...I don't know...a new shirt or something. Did you tell them? What if I didn't want them to know?"

Kevin held up his hands to stop Chris' barrage. "Hold on, hold on. Chris, I never said a word to either of them. I wouldn't do that without talking to you first. But you should realize by now, just how perceptive they are. It was probably pretty obvious to them when they walked in." Kevin smiled sheepishly. "I'm sure my blushing didn't help any." He became serious again. "Why don't you want them to know? I thought we were serious? I've always intended at some point to tell the others, with your approval. Am I misreading what's happening between us?" Kevin asked softly.

Chris' expression softened and he reached out to stroke Kevin's cheek, brushing away the frown. "No Kev, honey, you aren't misreading us. I'm sorry. It's just...it's just that I wanted them to get to know me first. I wanted them to know that I'm not using you for your fame or money or publicity," Chris admitted.

Kevin smiled tenderly and kissed Chris' forehead. "Dearest Chris, they know that. I know Brian and AJ have been basically...indifferent around you. But Howie and Nick helped me make the decision on whom to hire and we all agreed as soon as you left the interview, that you were the one. No questions asked. They like you and if you make me happy, then they will be happy for us. Okay?"

Chris nodded. "Alright." He grabbed the bag of stuff he'd collected. "Lets get out of here," he said.

They took the waiting limo back to the hotel. Both men were quiet for the drive. They silently walked into the hotel, rode the elevator to their floor and walked down the hall. They paused outside Kevin's room.

"Kevin..."

"Chris..."

They spoke at the same time. Kevin laughed softly and reached out to touch Chris' face.

"You go first," he said softly.

Chris sighed deeply. "Okay. Here it goes. I know I wanted to take things slowly, but..." he searched for the words he wanted to say. "Oh, hell! Would you like me to wash your back while you take your bath?" he finally asked, looking at Kevin intently.

Kevin smiled. "I'd like that very much," he replied.

Chris grinned. "Good!" He grabbed Kevin's key and opened the door. He waited for Kevin to enter first, then followed; ensuring the door was locked behind him.

Once they were in the room, the two men were nervous. Kevin set his bag on the bed and took off his jacket. He glanced at Chris. "I'll be right back," he said and walked into the bathroom. A few seconds later Chris could hear the sound of running water as it began to fill the tub. He put his own jacket over the back of a chair and kicked off his shoes. He stood hesitantly in the center of the room.

"Chris?"

Chris turned to the voice and saw Kevin standing in the doorway to the bathroom. He caught his breath as he realized Kevin only had a towel wrapped around his waist. His body responded immediately as his eyes took in the smooth, muscled chest. He met Kevin's eyes and could read the desire and need buried in their depths. He slowly walked towards Kevin and stopped in front of him.

"I think I'm overdressed," he whispered.

Kevin smiled and reached down to grab the bottom of Chris' shirt. Kevin pulled up and Chris raised his arms. The shirt soon found its way to the floor. Kevin ran his hands over Chris' bare flesh, causing Chris to shudder. Kevin smiled to himself and reached down to unzip Chris' pants. The clothing fell to his ankles and Chris stepped free of them.

Kevin turned Chris and had him sit on the toilet. Kevin knelt down and slowly removed Chris' socks, running his hands over every part of Chris' feet and calves. Pulling Chris to his feet again, Kevin gazed into the brown eyes, wanting to be sure it was what Chris wanted. He saw his own desire and need reflected back at him. Starting at Chris' shoulders, Kevin's fingers lightly stroked down Chris' arms, then down his sides until they found the top of his boxers. His fingers worked their way under the elastic and around to gently cup Chris' ass cheeks. Chris moaned softly and leaned closer to Kevin. Kevin moved his hands down, forcing the last obstacle out of the way. As the boxers hit the floor, he leaned forward and kissed Chris deeply.

Chris kicked the clothes away and wrapped his arms around Kevin. He could feel Kevin's arousal pressing against his, separated only by the towel still around Kevin's waist. Kevin broke the kiss and smiled at Chris before turning to shut off the water that was close to over flowing. As he turned, Chris reached out and grabbed the towel. Kevin shut off the taps and turned to look at Chris.

Chris grinned. "You were overdressed," he explained, holding the towel loosely in his hands.

Kevin held out his hand to Chris. Chris dropped the towel and walked over. Neither man was self-conscious about their nudity. Chris stepped into the steaming water first and slowly settled down, leaning against the end of the large whirlpool tub. Kevin quickly followed, placing himself between Chris' spread legs. Chris reached forward and pulled on Kevin's shoulders, making him lean back against Chris' chest.

Kevin sighed deeply and relaxed against the warm body. Chris' arms wrapped around Kevin, holding him closely. They sat quietly in the soothing water. Chris' hands slowly started to roam up and down Kevin's chest. Kevin sighed happily.

"That feels so great," he murmured.

"Good," Chris whispered, continuing to gently massage Kevin's chest.

Kevin was almost lulled to sleep by the combination of warm water and gentle hands. He felt himself begin to drift. Without thinking about it, he revealed his true feelings.

"I love you Chris," he whispered.

Chris froze; his hands stopped moving. "What did you say?" he whispered.

Kevin's eyes popped open as he realized what he'd said. It was too late now to take it back, and he didn't want to take it back; it was the truth. Kevin rolled over so he was facing Chris. He looked directly into Chris' bright, brown eyes. "I said I love you," Kevin said softly, never taking his gaze from Chris.

He watched as tears sprang up and began to slowly fall down Chris' beautiful face. He reached up with a wet hand and gently wiped the tears away. He waited nervously for Chris to say something.

Finally, a brilliant smile spread across Chris' face. "I never even hoped I would ever hear you say that. I love you too, Kevin," he said softly.