Date: Wed, 14 Apr 1999 18:36:57 EDT
From: RLXSport3@aol.com
Subject: Brian and Cody 7

All I Have To Give: 
Brian & Cody 7

The lights were flashing and the music was pumping.  The room seemed to be
spinning nonstop and the music kept getting louder and louder in my ears.
I had found myself at the Viper Room, shaking my ass on the dance floor,
without remembering how I got there.  Last thing I remembered was walking
into Jason's apartment.  Then I seemed to black out and now here I was in
the middle of the Viper Room on the dance floor.

I walked off the dance floor, an found my way up to the VIP section.  As I
was walking up the stairs Jason came running up behind me and pulled me
into the bathroom, making everyone else leave.

"So, Having a good time Cody?" Jason asked.

"Yeah, I guess.  I can't even remember how we got here man."

"Well you fell asleep on the way here surprisingly.  I guess the stuff took
a while to kick in." he said.

"Stuff? What stuff?"

"What? You don't remember?  I gave you some speed to get you in the
partying mood."

"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" I yelled.

"What?!? What the hell is wrong with you?" Jason asked.

"Brian is going to kill me if he finds out I did this! He's gonna kill me!"
I said.

"Brian? Well, Brian is not here is he?  He can't stop you from having fun.
You are going to have a good time tonight OK? Fuck Brian!"  Jason said as
he walked over to me.  Jason wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me
close to him, planting his lips on mine.

"Jason get the fuck off! I can't do this," I said.

"Sure you can Cody, come on," Jason said pressing me up against the wall,
grinding his cock into me.

"Jason! I can't. I'm with Brian OK? I can't do this with you." I said
trying to push him off me.

"Come on Cody, You know you want my mouth on that cock of yours," Jason
said as he started to unbuckle my belt.

"I can't! Let's just go out and dance," I said as I pried myself off of
Jason. I walked out of the bathroom as quickly as I could, with Jason right
behind me.

Back on the dance floor I lost myself in the crowd, trying to forget about
everything.  Once in a while Jason would brush up against me but I would
just shake him off.  After a while I finally found my way up to the VIP
section.  I crashed on a couch to rest from all the dancing and try to hide
from Jason.  Then I heard my name being called, and as I looked up I saw a
bunch of people walking my way.  All of them were actors I had met in the
months I was filming Cruel Streets in the Studios.  Sarah, Ryan, Christina,
Seth, I think and some others were walking my way.  But before they sat
down I excused myself.  "Sorry guys, I was just leaving, I have some
meetings early tomorrow morning."

"Come on stay with us for a while, we haven't see you here for a while,"
Everyone said.

"Yeah, well I need to go rest.  I'll catch you here some other day," I said
as I walked away.  I knew I wouldn't get back to my room until dawn if I
stayed there with them.

As I walked out of the club, I lit a smoke and stood near the curb waiting
for a cab to pass by.  As I stood out there waiting, I started to hear
whispers and gasps as people started to recognize who I was.  I still
wasn't used to this fame thing, being recognized where ever I went even
though it had been a few months now.  I wasn't standing out there for even
2 minutes before I noticed a group of photographers running towards me.
Still being a little high, I didn't react fast enough and I was soon
surrounded by them.  There were only about a handful of them around me but
the flashed quickly disoriented me.

I covered my face with my arms and tried to push my way out of what seemed
to me as a sea of photographers.  Before I could push my way past them, I
was grabbed and pretty much picked up and carried away from them.  I was
finally put down inside the club in what seemed to be the coat room. The
manager of the club walked up to me and told me that I should let them know
when I was leaving so they could be able to provided adequate security for
me.  They quickly had a limousine pull up in the back for me and twenty
minutes later I was back at my room.

As soon as I walked into my room I ran into the bathroom and spent a good
while relieving myself of the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet.  As I
stood up I came face to face with myself.  As I looked at my own reflection
in the mirror I turned around in disgust.  I couldn't bear to see myself
like that.  There I was, drunk out of my mind throwing up in my bathroom
once again.

"Why? Why am I doing this to myself?" I asked myself out loud as I brought
myself to look into the mirror.  I had found myself with Jason every night
going from club to club, dancing, drinking, and using drugs since Brian had
left.  Night after night it was the same thing.  I would come back to my
room and spend half the night throwing up and yet the next night came and I
was right back at some club.

"Damn it Brian! Why can't you be here with me! I miss you so much!" I fell
to the floor and buried my face in my hands as I sobbed uncontrollably.
Not having Brian with me was killing me.  All I could do to keep the
sadness and depression away was staying high or drunk and going out every
night.  It was even worse when after club hopping we would end up at some
party thrown by some actor or god knows who, where the alcohol and drugs
were passed around like candy.  Half the time I didn't know whose house we
were at.  I had surrounded myself with the bad young Hollywood lifestyle
again, the lifestyle I had lived for months before meeting Brian.

One night I found myself at Marc Daniel's house, some model for Calvin
Klein, I think.  It was about 1 in the morning when I pulled up into Marc's
driveway.  Chad had let me borrow his car since he would be going with
Jason since Marc was a friend they had met.  Everyone seemed to be having a
good time.  Marc's house seemed like the place to be at.  The drinks and
drugs were being passed around. The music and smoke around me started to
irritate me so I walked out to the pool and just laid there staring at the
reflection of the moon in the pool.  Thoughts of Brian raced through my
mind.  What would he say if he saw me like this?  I quickly wiped the tears
rolling down my cheek when I heard my name being called.  Marc pulled up a
chair next to me and sat down.

"I'm glad you were finally able to make it to one of my parties Cody," Marc
said lying down on the pool chair next to me.  "Umm, Yeah, thanks for the
invite," I said.  "It took you a while to get your ass over here though. I
kept trying to get Jason to bring you here a few weeks back but he said you
were busy," Marc said.

 "Yeah well I've been busy," I said.

Later on that night, I met up with Marc again, inside the house.  There
weren't many people left, it being like 4 in the morning or something.  I
was pretty much in another world at the time.  Marc and I struck up another
conversation. I can't remember what the conversation was about but it
seemed to be interesting as far as I could remember.  We both ended up in
Marc's room where the conversation was kept going with some drinks.  Then
out of nowhere Marc leaned over and kissed me.  At first I pushed him back
a little but the hard on in my pants and the alcohol in my blood, told me
otherwise.

Marc wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him, and I didn't
push back this time.  He quickly unbuttoned my shirt and threw it down on
the floors followed by my pants.  With one quick tug he had me siting on
his bed with just my boxers on.  Marc didn't waste any time, licking his
way down my body. He had my cock in his mouth before he even had my boxers
off all the way. Marc removed his clothes, in between sucking me off, to
reveal an incredible body, from what I could see.  I got a great view of
him when he stood up to push me further up the bed.  He stood over me while
I examined his tight abs and great pecs, but before I could admire his body
any further, he was down between my legs with my dick in his mouth.

The pleasure that Marc was giving me with his tongue was incredible and if
anyone else was still in his house, they definitely knew what was going on,
with the loud moans coming from my mouth.  Marc sucked my dick for the
longest anyone had ever done.  He had to have been down there for at least
an hour.  Every time I seemed to get close Marc would let my dick slip out
of his mouth and he would go down to licking my balls or come up to lick my
chest, but he would quickly return to sucking me off again.  After about an
hour of Marc doing this to me I couldn't take it anymore and I shot a huge
load in his mouth.  After I came I was completely exhausted and with all
the drinks and other stuff I had that night I was knocked out.  Many times
during the night I would go in and out of sleep and feel my cock in Marc's
mouth.  I was so spent I would just fall right back to sleep...............

As I opened my eyes, I was disoriented by my surroundings, and by the
streak of sunlight hitting my face.  I was certainly not in my room and
realizing that I had an arm draped on my back I realized I wasn't alone
either. As I turned around I came face to face with a sleeping Marc.  Marc
was lying face down with his arm draped across my chest.
 

"Oh shit!" I yelled as I sat straight up on the bed.

"Huh? What? What?" Marc said jumping up startled by my scream

"Fuck! What did I do?" I said hitting myself.

"Cody, what's wrong?" Marc asked waking up fully.

"What's wrong? What's wrong is that I am lying in bed naked with you!" I
said.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked confused.

"I can't believe I would do this! Ugh and I have such a headache.  How did
I end up here anyways?" I asked looking at Marc.

"What do you mean?  We came in here to talk and one thing led to another,"
Marc explained, "You don't remember?"

"No, I can't.  Please tell me we didn't... well you know, that we didn't.."

"Fuck?" Marc said finishing my sentence.

"Yeah that," I said worried about what Marc was going to answer me.

"No Cody we didn't fuck. OK?  I only sucked your dick all night all right?"
Marc said getting upset.

"Marc, listen.  I'm sorry but I was wasted last night.  If I was thinking
straight this wouldn't have happened.  I'm with someone right now who I
care a lot about," I said.

"Yeah whatever dude.  You were enjoying me sucking your dick last night, so
apparently you didn't give a shit about being with someone," Marc said.

"Marc, I'm sorry I led you on or something but you knew I was wasted, and
so were you," I said getting up from the bed as I searched for my clothes,
"I better go now. I'm sorry about this.  I'll just see my way out."

I jumped in my car, still barely dressed, and drove as fast as I could away
from Marc's house.  I drove straight to my hotel room and crashed on my
bed. The incident with Marc and myself didn't seem to put a stop to my
partying though.  It was about 2 weeks since Brian and the guys had left
and my life seemed to be spiraling down.  Every morning I would wake up in
my hotel room without remembering how I had gotten there.  One morning I
woke up in my bed, again not remembering when Jason or whoever had brought
me home.  A loud knock at the door woke me up fully.

"I'm coming," I said as I stumbled my way to the door, "who is it?"

"Open the door Cody!!!"

As I opened the door I came face to face with Kevin and Howie.  I quickly
tried to push the door closed again but Kevin stepped in and pushed it
open.

"Cody, Let us in!" Kevin screamed.

"Kevin, Howie! Go away.  Come back later or something!"  I said as I turned
my back to them, "what the hell are you two doing here anyway?"

"What the hell are we doing here? Why the hell do you think?!" Kevin said.

"Cody, what the hell is wrong with you!" Howie said pushing past Kevin and
coming up to me.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm fine.  I'm just tired and I don't
look all that good right now!" I said.

Kevin walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me
around to face him.

"I can't believe you Cody! How could you fucking do this?" Kevin asked as
he got angrier.

"How could I do what! What the hell are you talking about?" I asked getting
agitated.

As I said that, Howie pulled up a few tabloids up to my face.  The
headlines read, "New Hollywood Teen Up to Old Hollywood Tricks," and
"Hollywood's New Teen Throb On River Phoenix's Path."  Underneath the
headlines were pictures of me drunk/high in different places.

"This is what we're talking about Cody!  Haven't you even seen the news?
Your in every tabloid and newspaper! Everyone is talking about you and all
your wild nights!" Howie said.

"I can't believe that!" I said as I snatched the papers out of Howie's
hands.

As I read the articles they went on to talk about my `wild nights of
partying and getting drunk.'  I couldn't believe it.  There I was
completely drunk in pictures in the tabloids.  In some of them I was being
carried out of the clubs by Jason, and in others they caught me outside of
the club with a drink still in my hand.

"Holy shit! These fucking tabloids!" I said as I threw the newspapers on
the floor.

"Cody, you reek of alcohol right now, and your eyes are bloodshot.  What
the fuck have you been doing here since we left?" Kevin said getting even
more upset.

"Cody! What the hell is wrong with you.  We just left 2 weeks ago and
already you've dug yourself in a hole!" Howie said.

"Kevin, nothing has been going on. I'm fine, really I...." I stopped and
started crying.  Kevin reached over and hugged me.  I just grabbed on to
Kevin and cried my eyes out for a long time.

"So is it true what these tabloids say?  Is this what you do every night
Cody?  Or was it a one time thing? We need to know Cody.  We really worry
about you, you know?"  Kevin asked.

"I don't know, I just..."

"Cody! Don't bullshit with us!  Have you been doing this every night?"
Howie asked interrupting.

"YES! Yes OK! Since the day you left I've been with Jason and I've been
getting drunk or high every night since you guys left!  Hell I can't even
remember how I got back to my room last night! That's how high I've been
OK? I don't remember how I got here last night or any other night!" I
shouted as I fell back on the bed.

"That's it.  Your going to Orlando with Howie tomorrow! You are definitely
not staying here!" Kevin said.

"NO WAY! I can't go tot Orlando!  Brian is gonna kill me! Shit! He's just
gonna hate me! Does he know? Howie, does Brian know?" I said getting
terrified of the thought of Brian seeing these tabloids.

"No, Brian doesn't know and that's why we are here.  I had to come on
business this week but when I saw these tabloids in a store I got Howie and
we took the next flight out here.  The other guys are trying to keeping
Brian busy so he doesn't get a chance to see these." Kevin explained.

"Thank god!  Your not going to tell him are you?" I said still terrified.

"Cody, We came to help you, to get you the hell out of here before you kill
yourself! We aren't going to tell Brian, but you're going to have to.  AJ
and Nick are only keeping him away from seeing any news on you because we
don't want him finding out that way.  You need to be in front of him when
he finds out because if he finds out through the news without you being
there god knows how he will react," Howie said.

"Howie, NO! I can't.  Brian is never going to want to talk to me again!" I
said.

"Cody, Your going to Orlando tomorrow and that's final! You can't stay
here!  Your just gonna end up killing yourself.  Your going to have to face
Brian tomorrow.  This is the only way Cody." Kevin said.

"Kevin please.  I can't! I can't see Brian. I can't let Brian see me like
this.  I can't go! I just won't have him see me like this!  He'll leave me
if he finds out what I've been doing.  Damn it! He told me not to see
Jason! He told me to stay out of trouble!" I said.

"THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!!!" Kevin screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW!!," I yelled as I started to cry again, "I DON'T! Damn it
Kevin! You don't know how hard its been! I miss him more than I thought I
ever would!  I miss Brian so much!! It's tearing my heart apart not being
with him!  Those weeks I spent with him were the best weeks of my life and
I couldn't face being without him.  It hurts too much to be in this fucking
town all alone! Getting high was the only way I could make the pain stop!"
I sat there on the bed sobbing.

"Cody, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to go off on you like that.  I know you
miss Brian but you could have called us. If you told us you were in trouble
Brian would have come to see you.  We all would have!" Howie came over and
hugged me.

"Well, I can't stand to see you like this.  This is the end to this Cody!
Pack your things!  Your flying out tomorrow and that is final.  Don't even
try to say no because we will do whatever it takes!  Cody, if you don't,
I'm going to call Brian and have him come and get you.  I am sure you do
not want to make him come up here!  The best thing is for you to go down to
Orlando.  I'm sorry for doing this but its for your own good," Kevin said
sternly.

"Shit! Shit! I am so fucking stupid!" I said as I covered my face in shame.

"Howie, get his clothes out and throw it in a luggage.  We'll get him
whatever else he needs when he gets down to Florida," Kevin said to Howie.

"Kevin, he can't stay here tonight.  He won't stay here tonight if we leave
him here," Howie said.

"Howie, I'm already a little late for the meeting so just get his stuff and
bring him to our hotel.  I have to go and settle some things with
management and I'll meet you at the hotel tomorrow to take you and Cody to
the airport," Kevin said.

Howie did as Kevin told him while I sat on my bed and sobbed.  Howie
finished packing my stuff and helped me to the bathroom.  He helped me wash
up and helped me dress.  "Put these on," Howie said as he threw me some
sunglasses and a hat, "we're both going to need them when we step outside."
I soon found out why we needed them.  Howie led me out of my room and
downstairs to a waiting limousine.  As soon as we stepped outside flashes
started going off.  Apparently there seemed to be a bigger interest in me
than I had thought.  The driver quickly pulled both of us through the sea
of reporters and into the limo and sped off.  15 minutes later I was in
Howie's hotel room. As soon as I entered the room I walked over to the bed
to sit.  A few minutes later I was fast asleep on Howie's bed.

"Cody, Wake up.  We have to go soon so get up and get ready."

"Huh?" I slowly came out of my deep sleep.

"Cody, get up.  We have to be at the airport in an hour!" I heard Howie
say.

I slowly got up from the bed and walked over to the bathroom.  I took a
quick shower and was dressed ready to go in less than 20 minutes. Kevin
came knocking at the door a little while later.  He said he was just going
to drop us off to help but I knew he wanted to make sure I got on the
plane.  I was too tired to talk let alone argue with Howie or Kevin so I
did as they said.  On the way to the airport, I sat in the back of the limo
staring out the window.  I kept my eyes hidden behind the dark sunglasses
avoiding looking at Howie or Kevin.  They both knew I was not in a good
mood and that I didn't feel like talking so they left me alone.

At the airport our bags were checked and we were lead into a private
lounge.  As we waited in the lounge before boarding the plane I sat there
motionless.  Thoughts of Brian kept running through my mind. What was he
going to say?  Was he even going to talk to me?  He didn't even know I was
coming.  Kevin said it would be better to not let him know so he wouldn't
worry and to just see me when we got to their house.  When time came to
board the plane Kevin came over to me and hugged me.

"You go to Orlando and get everything worked out with Brian, ok? You let
him know everything, and don't worry, Brian is going to get you help and
everything will be ok."  Kevin said, "I'll be down there in a few days. So
I'll see you then."

As Howie and I boarded the plane I was so lost in thought that Howie pretty
much pulled me all the way until we got to our seats.  Once in the air
Howie kept looking over at me as if he was going to say something but he
would turn back around.

"What Howie? I know you want to tell me something so just say it," I said
looking over at him.

"Listen Cody.  Don't worry about anything.  I know you're worrying about
how Brian is going to react but you shouldn't.  We're not expecting you to
tell him as soon as we step off the plane, so when your ready to tell him
why we brought you back with us then you go ahead and tell him." Howie said
placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks Howie." I said as I smiled.

"But don't worry!  Brian really loves you, Cody.  Since the day we left all
Brian can talk about is you.  Everything, and I mean everything, reminds
him of you.  Nick almost beat him up several times cause he wouldn't shut
up about you."

"I know he loves me but I can't help but think we won't make it with all
the things I did while he was away."

"Brian is the most forgiving person I know Cody.  I am sure he will forgive
you for whatever you did.  He's not going to hold anything against you ok?
He really loves you," Howie said making faces.

"Shut up!" I said playfully punching Howie.

"Well he does, so don't worry.  In the years that I have known Brian, I
have never seen him happier than when you were with him.  I'm telling you
his eyes light up whenever your name is mentioned for gods sake!" Howie
said.

"Howie, I love him so much too.  I know some of you might think we have
taken it to fast but those few weeks I spent him were enough to make me
fall completely for him." I said

"I know Cody, I know."

"I just hop he will forgive me..." I said as I drifted off staring out into
the sky.

****

Brian! Nick! We're home!!  Where are you guys?"  Howie screamed as he
walked through the doors of the house that Brian, Nick, Kevin and himself
were sharing.

"Hey Howie, I'll be right down!" Nick yelled from the top of the staircase.

"We've been waiting for you guys for a while now.  Hey Cody! Its great to
see you.  You ok?" Nick said walking over to me and giving me a hug.

"Hey Nick.  Yeah I'm fine.  I'm happy to see you too."  I said as I tried
to smile.

"So Nick, Where is you know," Howie asked.

"Brian?  Yeah he's here.  He's out in the pack in the swimming pool.  Just
walk out there." Nick answered.

"Cody, Didn't you say you wanted to go outside," Howie said pushing towards
the back of the house.

"Howie! I get the point!" I said.

As I walked towards the back doors my heart was racing a million miles a
second. My legs felt so much like jello that I could barely walk.  As I
started to pull the doors open my heart sank and my head started to pound.
I slowly walked past some trees towards the pool, and as I turned on the
path leading to the pool I got a glimpse of Brian.  He was standing at the
end of the trampoline with is arms stretched over his head.  Beads of water
were running down his face and over his beautiful body as he was getting
ready to dive into the pool.  He looked so beautiful standing there that
tears started running down my cheeks as I stared at him.  I walked onto the
pool deck just as he was diving in.  Brian caught a glimpse of me and he
took a nasty belly flop into the pool.  He quickly swam towards the edge of
the pool and pulled himself out.

"CODY! O MY GOD! BABE! What are you doing here?" Brian said.  He picked me
up in a hug, getting me all wet, and placed his lips right on mine.

"Brian, I... I've missed you so much," I said

"Cody! I can't believe your really here!  Why are you here? Don't get me
wrong, I am so happy to see you. Did you come with Howie?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, I came back with Howie," I said trying not to look in his eyes.

"Cody? What's wrong?" Brian asked.

"Nothing," I said.

"Don't lie to me Cody. I know there's something wrong.  You can't even look
into my eyes.  So what's wrong?!?!?!" Brian asked grabbing me by my arms.

"I.... Brian... I...."


*To be Continued*


**Hey There!  I'm sorry I took another month to write this part. I know I
promised I wouldn't take too long but I lied! So what did you think?  The
story line will take off from here in the next part. I was getting sick of
writing of California.  So let me know what you think!!!! I didn't win any
awards from the bsb/nsync things but Its ok!! But Thank you to those who
told me you voted for me. I appreciated it a lot!

E-mail me at RLXSport3@aol.com