Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000 22:44:42 GMT
From: J M <catsfan1@hotmail.com>
Subject: Angel's Wings 4

Angel's Wings (Part 4)
Written by JM

--- Da da da da da... what to write, what to write?  Hmmm, it's about
celebrities... yeah, that sounds good.  Two very moral celebrities too...
ooh yeah, that makes it better.  Let's see, what else... oh yeah, these two
male celebrities are together, but that has nothing to do with their actual
personal lives.  Ha ha, oh yeah, forgot this one... it's fiction ALL THE
WAY!  Is that it?  I think so... wait, no... please be 18 or older or have
your parents permission.  Parental Guidance is suggested.  Need some
popcorn?  Maybe a soda?  Got to have the Twizzlers... remember, 'Silence Is
Golden'!  Okay, let's move on to to the previews... ---

--- Rated PG-13: Hey, I'm back!  That's right and I thought I could stay
away.  No, I prayed I could stay away, but this is in my blood.  I've just
got to write.  Anyway, I'm glad to be back with another exciting verse in
the song of Brian and Justin's lives.  Please remember that these stories
are based on the romance created for Brian and Justin through 'Brian and
Justin' and 'Just Beginning'.  This is not called 'JC and Nick' or 'Lance's
Beginnings,' so please respect the fact that they will not get all the
attention in the world.  If you don't know by now, send all comments to:
catsfan1@hotmail.com  Thank you very much!  Enjoy the show... ---

-- Rated R: Thanks to Nsyncgirl for inspiring this chapter even though she
doesn't know she did!  Please check out her series on Nifty (All I Ever
Wanted) and her website for her stories.  She's right really great storise
that even include good sex!  Plus a gentle, friendly romance between Lance
and Justin, and a little flirting with Joey too.  It's a cool series.  So go
visit it if you're looking for laughs, sex, fun, love, and of course,
quality stories.  But remember, it's rated R, only 17 and above.  We're
checking ID peeps! --

		-Feature Presentation: Angel's Wings, Rated R-

		Nikki DeLoach stood in a small glass booth with headphones resting on her
ears and a riser before her.  She tapped her sock-covered feet against the
wooden floor of the studio booth, her baggy cargo pants jiggling.  her head
bobbed steadily to the steady guitar-driven melody that floated into her
headset.  A microphone was no less than an inch from her lips.  She glanced
down at a sheet of paper that was clipped to the riser, the lyrics to a
remix of 'So Together' typed onto the paper.  She twisted a finger through a
piece of her tied-up, brown hair while awaiting her cue.  She wanted to pull
her jean jacket from her body so that she could just stand in her loose,
white halter top, but she refrained herself to prevent any other sounds
being sent into the microphone before her.  She ran her hands over the riser
one last time before lifting her head to put her full vocals into the center
of the mic.

	Oh baby, you know that it's not a crime
	Cause you love me, I can see it in your eyes
	And that sight eases my mind
	When you're gone, baby
	Oh it keeps me inspired

	And it's written in your face
	The way you feel everyday
	I hope it never changes
	Oh, I've got to say

	I can't stop missin' you
	Only meant to be kissin' you
	Can't you feel me wishin' were so
	So together baby
	I can't stop hopin' time will fly
	And we'll never say goodbye
	Cause forever, you and me
	So together baby
	So, so together

		Nikki continued to bob her head as she let the intrsumental play through.
She had completely her portion of the first verse and hook and she knew that
was all that was required of her at the moment.  She heard the instrumental
cut from her headset and she took her eyes off of the paper on the riser.
She looked upward to see J.C. Chasez, Justin Littrell, Veronica Finn, and
Lynn Harliss staring at her through the glass that seperated the production
booth and the studio booth.  She searched their faces for approval or
dismay.  "That was great Peaches.  Except, on the last line of the bridge,
take the final words a little higher.  Don't keep it so low." J.C. spoke up
from the production booth.  His voice resounded in the booth Nikki was in.
She gave him a small nod and a tiny smile.
		Nikki placed her hands on the riser and leaned on it.  She shuffled her
feet on the ground, her Nike's long-removed.  She needed to feel comfortable
in the studio.  She had been wearry from being in the studio so early in the
morning.  It was only ten o'clock in the morning and the girls had scheduled
the studio until two in the afternoon.  Nikki and Innosense were forced to
arrive in the studio at seven o'clock that morning to try and get an early
run on the remix and hopefully cut a new song that J.C. had written for
them.  Nikki attempted to relax her shoulders while watching Justin and J.C.
talk in the production booth.  She could not hear their words from the
studio, but she could see they were disagreeing.  "Okay Paches, we're just
going to record that last line over and cut and paste.  And ew're gonna do
your ad-libs for the hook." J.C. informed her from behind the engineering
board.  Nikki nodded with an increasing grin.  She did not look forward to
re-doing the whole bridge over a simple change of note.  "Just tell me when
you're ready Josh." she said into her microphone.  She glanced back down to
the lyrics again, memorizing them once more for another session of
recording.
		Justin pressed his body into the chair he sat in at the production board.
He pulled his legs up on the small chair and awaited J.C. to cue the music
for Nikki to sing over again.  J.C. increased the volume of the music and
allowed the beginning of the verse to flow into Nikki's headset.  "Justin,
you do realize we only have four hours left in here before the girls' time
has ended." J.C. spoke to Justin, leaning back in his chair.  Justin glanced
over at J.C. with a furrowed brow.  "And?" Justin wondered.  J.C. pouted,
losing himself in Justin's soft blue eyes.  "You know I wanted the girls to
record that song I'm working on.  Cutting corners and chopping up this remix
won't do any good." J.C. stated calmly.  He sat his hand on Justin's
shoulder, hoping for empathy.  Justin nibbled on a corner of his lower lip.
He placed a hand behind his bandanna-covered head and sighed.  "You're
almost done with the remix Josh, don't worry.  Plus, me, you, and Joey set
aside three hours right after Innosense so that we could work on music for
our next album.  We can let them cut into our time.  It's not like we'll
actually be laying down vocals for any songs today." Justin presented an
exit for J.C.'s stress.  He ran his fingers over the back of J.C.'s hand,
sending shivers through the older man.  He slowly withdrew the hand, turning
his attention back to the production board as Nikki added her ad-libs to the
hook.
		"Veronica, your last, right?" J.C. said, spinning his chair around to
glare at the young woman.  Veronica nodded with a sturdy appearance.  She
was sitting on a plump couch behind the seats Justin and J.C. occupied.
Lynn, Justin's mother, sat next to her with a glassy look.  "But didn't you
say you wanted to do something with Jenny?" Veronica released a soft
question.  J.C. thought over the inquiry while listening to Nikki's voice
die down.  She was finished.  "Oh yeah, I wanted to mix Jenny and Mandy's
vocals up on the bridge of the second verse." J.C. nodded, remembering the
musing he had contemplated almost two hours before.  He chewed the side of
his mouth.  He had to calculate how much effort and time he could give the
remix.
		"Okay, well Peaches still has about another hour of recording to do and
then we can do you.  Your part should only take twenty minutes and that'll
leave me a half-hour to work with Jenny and then at least get ya'll started
on that new song." J.C. spoke his plan aloud, directing most of the
information toward Veronica.  Justin glanced over his shoulder, trying to
read the facial expressions of his mother and one-time girlfriend.  Veronica
pursed her lips and scooted up to the edge of the couch.  She placed her
hands on her knees, thinking over J.C.'s words.  "Now don't stress yourself
over the recording J.C.  The girls don't really need the remix done until
the middle of next month so that they can release it with their second
single at the end of the month." Lynn offered words of encouragement to the
brooding man.
		J.C. hunched over in his chair.  He had to relax himself to feel the music
he was going to create in the studio.  He thought of the melody he had set
for a song he was writing, either for Innosense's use or his own group's
use.  He had crafted the music with his production partners, Riprock and
Alex G., and he had hoped to finish writing the lyrics to the song with
Justin.  The song seemed to fit the mood of recent events in his life and he
had to express them in the best way he knew of, music.  "My mind's on that
song right now." J.C. whispered, sitting upright in chair and spinning until
he faced the glass.  He stared at Nikki through the window, watching her
play with her hair and hum a soft melody.  "You never did tell me what the
song is about." Justin tried to steal J.C.'s attention.  J.C. regretfully
removed his eyes from his ex-girlfriend and brought them on Justin.
"Cheating, well in a sense it's about that.  It's about knowing something's
not right, but you can't help the way you feel around that other person.
It's a feeling, deep down that makes you go after them, even though you know
you should be with the one you're with." J.C. explained his song, keeping
his eyes focused on Justin.  He peered into his heart with his eyes while
speaking.
		Just the concept of the song caused Justin to shudder.  He felt J.C.'s
stare burning his skin away.  His face flustered and he dropped his eyes,
staring at the blue jeans he wore.  He ran his hands over his Fu Man Skeeto
top.  He couldn't deny that the words J.C. spoke were directed and related
to him.  It was true.  Justin had been fighting the emotions he suffered
through for two weeks.  Ever since his unexpected sexual event with J.C., he
had been fighting with his feelings for both J.C. and Brian.  He spent half
of his nights crying and the other half without sleep.  It was beating down
on him and to no end, he could not escape it.  He only managed to keep his
sudden attraction to J.C. hidden from his husband and his disgust for his
friend hidden from J.C.  It was his only safe-haven from the stress of the
life he was leading.
		"Sounds like a good song for Innosense to record.  It'll give us more
edge." Veronica chimed.  J.C. lifted his eyes from Justin when hearing
Veronica's notion.  He smirked.  "I don't know Veronica.  The guys in
*NSYNC... well, we can relate to it better.  I know all of us have been
there." J.C. declared, lolling his head and glancing at her.  Veronica
groaned arrogantly.  "You're just saying that because you think guys relate
to it better than girls would.  But you're wrong, so wrong.  Girls think the
same thing.  We're with one person, but deep down, we want someone else,
just for a night." Veronica argued.  Justin listened to the continuing
conversation with a strain on his heart.  "Come on Veronica, you might know
this, but I can vouch for the guys in *NSYNC and say we've all had that
problem." J.C. protested, revealing information in cryptic words.  Veronica
sighed heavily, leaning back onto the couch.  She crossed her legs and ran a
hand over the bandanna that covered a majority of her thick, curly hair.
"And I can vouch for all of the girls in Innosense and say we've definetely
been through that." Veronica said, lowering her voice and letting her eyes
slowly drift to Justin.  She made the look obscure.  She did not want to
reveal anything that she knew was wrong.
		J.C. reclined in his chair, giving Justin another quick glance.  "Well,
maybe you're right Veronica.  I just feel that some times someone can relate
to something more than someone else can.  I know I can with this song." J.C.
spoke with a clear voice, his tone shooting right into Justin's blood.
Justin sniffled softly, keeping his head lowered.  The pressure was
increasing and surrounding him.  "Justin, tell this guy that girls can
relate to the issue as much as he says guys can." Veronica asked of her
friend with a cocky tone.  Justin could feel the warmth of J.C.'s hand
landing on hiss shoulder again, burning lightly on his clothing.  Justin
shook off the hand, his brow wrinkling.  "Is that true Just?" J.C. asked
softly, longly.  Justin sniffled again.  He was searching for an escape from
the pressure.  "Veronica, why don't you go wait in the other room with the
other girls until it's time to record your part.  This is stupid and
ridiculous.  Don't worry about who knows cheating better!" Justin barked at
his ex-girlfriend.  He briskly stood from his seat, shaking off any touch he
could still feel from J.C.  Veronica pulled up to the edge of the cocuh
again, lowering her brow and twisting her lips.  "But Just..." she could not
get her full statement out. "Save it Veronica, just save it.  It's not even
worth it.  You're sitting up here arguing over something petty.  Just record
the song." Justin continued to belittle her.  He straightened his clothing
and brushed through the space between Veronica and J.C.  "Justin..." J.C.
began to call for him.  Justin's hand latched onto the handle of the door.
He fleetly glanced over his shoulder at J.C.  "Don't say no more." he
commanded, pressing down on the knob so the door clicked open.
		Lynn Harliss briskly stood from her seat on the couch, staring at her son
with dismay.  "Justin Randall Timberlake." Lynn boasted in an attempt to
halt her son.  Her demanding voice worked.  Justin stopped in the midst of
the doorway.  He turned to glimpse at his mother.  He wore a frown on his
lips.  His cheeks had lost their fullness.  "That's not my name anymore."
Justin said mere words before fully exiting the room, leaving a lingering
silence inside of the production booth.
		Lynn spun around to look at the other two inhabitants of the production
booth.  She could see J.C. leaning over in his chair, resting his elbows on
the board with his head laid in his hands.  She ran her eyes over to
Veronica.  She sat, curled up, on the couch with a frown covering her lips.
The sight of both angered Lynn.  She couldn't reach a conclusion as to why
her son behaved so oddly.
		J.C. heard the distinct sound of his cellular phone ringing clearly.  He
pulled his head from his hands and let his chin rest on the knuckles of his
right hand.  He peered to his left and saw the phone sitting on the sound
board.  He chewed on his lower lip while reaching for the phone.  He lifted
it quickly and then pulled it to his ear.  He clicked on the 'send' button
and said, "Hello."  The sullen sound in his voice left a small silence on
the other end.  "Josh?  You okay honey?" Nick's voice questioned in a loving
way.  J.C. strived to perk up when detecting his fiance's phonation.  "Oh
yeah, hey babe.  Yeah, I'm okay.  How are you?" J.C. wondered.  He hid his
distress with Justin from Nick in every way possible.  "I'm doing pretty
good.  Just sitting here at my place with the dogs.  I think they miss you
stopping by here." Nick giggled.  J.C. could hear the faint sound of
Houston, one of Nick's pugs, barking.  He smiled.  "I miss you stopping by
here." Nick added, softening his tone.  J.C. sighed, his trepidation
augmenting.  "I miss being there with you too, Nick." J.C. whispered.  He
drew his hand through his hair as he leaned back into his seat.  He placed
his feet up on the engineering board and closed his eyes.  "You sound
stressed out sweetie.  I think you should come back home on your next day
off.  Just chill here with me for the day or just an hour." Nick suggested
with a plead in his voice.  J.C. licked his lips, holding in another sigh.
He scratched his temple while thinking of how relaxing it would be to lay
for a couple of hours with Nick in his arms.  It had been his best stress
relief outside of sex.  "I think I'll have to do that Nickie." he agreed
shortly.
		J.C. opened his eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light again and then
brought them down to look into the glass window.  Nikki had disappeared from
the booth.  She was no longer standing there waiting to record the next
portion of the song.  'Hmmmm, where'd she go?' J.C. thought, searching all
ends of the studio booth for a small sign of his ex-girlfriend.  "Hey Josh,
this may sound really Stevie Wonderish, but it's true." Nick began to speak.
  J.C. returned his concentration to the phone call he had with Nick.
"What's that Nickie?" J.C. pondered.  "Uhm, well, I really just called to
tell you that I love you.  I was thinking about ya and I figured, 'Hey, why
not call him and tell him how much you love him!'  So I did sweetie.  I
really love ya." Nick spoke with a broken voice, the emotion he poured into
choking him up.  J.C.'s grin increased boundlessly.  He felt his heart
swoon.  "I love you too Nickie.  I can't wait to see you again baby." J.C.
replied without his usual flat voice.  He found himself smiling
uncontrollably when finally speaking to his fiance after weeks of missed
phone calls on both ends.  "Okay, I'm going to go now because I feel like
such a dork for having to have the whole little moment thing." Nick
snickered.  His infectous laughter caused J.C. to snicker, his heart racing.
  "But call me tonight after the show Joshua.  I want to hear your voice
before I fall to sleep tonight, okay?" Nick begged of his fiance.  J.C.
sighed warmly.  "Okay Nickie, I'll do that." J.C. agreed to Nick's request.
His fingers tingled and his body was encased with warmth.  'He really misses
me.' J.C. thought, sure of Nick's feelings.  "Okay Josh.  Bye bye bye." Nick
sung the last statement before ending their short phone conversation.
		J.C. swivelled around in his chair, his face still holding a small grin.
He sighed, again, with loving emotions floating through his breath.  He
switched his eyes to the standing Lynn Harliss as she dialed a few numbers
into her cellular phone.  He leaned over with a morbid curiosity.  "I don't
know what's wrong with Justin.  I mean, he... he's never been that outright
and rude.  Especially to you two." Lynn stammered out, forcing the phone
against her ear to hear the sounds of a ringing.  "I have to call Brian and
find out if maybe he can talk to Justin and see what his problem is." Lynn
gabbed.  Her overly-dramatized voice sent J.C. into a shiver.  He roughly
brushed his hand over his hair, sulking back into the chair.  'Don't fucking
call him.  What's he going to do?  Act as if he can fix Justin's problem
when I know it's me that can do it.  I've got to find him, talk to him...
kiss him.' J.C.'s mind began to run in several directions.  He forced
himself to stand to his feet so that he might be able to exit the production
booth and find the man he desired desperately.
		As a click ran through Lynn's phone, she briskly said, "Hello."  She felt
the breeze of J.C. passing her sweep over her as she heard a groggy
response.  "Hello?  Lynn?" Brian's voice said in a lowered tone.  Soon the
sounds of a child crying began to blare into the phone.  "Brian?  Brian,
hon', what's wrong with Angel?" Lynn asked hastily.  She strained to hear
Brian.  "The sound of the phone woke him up Lynn.  He was sleep in my arms."
Brian responded with a louder tone, hoping that Lynn could hear him.  Lynn
listened carefully as she heard her son-in-law endeavoring to silence the
crying child.  She cleared her throat softly, hoping to catch Brian's
attention.  "Lynn, is there... is there something you wanted?" Brian asked,
struggling to hold the conversation with his whimpering son in his arms.
Lynn was discrouraged by the attitude her son-in-law gave off.  It was
unlike him.  She had to calculate the fact that he was taking care of her
grandson and that, in itself, was not an easy task.  "Brian, some things
wrong with Justin." Lynn spoke up with mild distress in her tone.  "What?
Is he sick?  Is he in the hospital?" Brian questioned with urgency.  Lynn
sighed heavily.  She could see she was not getting through to Brian the way
that she desired.  "No, he's not physically ill or anything.  It's his whole
mood.  He's very distant and agitated and just all around not himself." Lynn
said gravely.
		Lynn could hear the soft sounds of Angel's breathing near the phone,
signifying that the child was finally resting.  "Well, should I call him on
his phone?" Brian wondered with a soft-spoken voice.  'Damn it, you're his
husband, don't ask me.  You should know what to do,' Lynn thought out hard
words in her held, but she withheld from speaking them vocally.  She knew it
was not the time to snap at her son-in-law.  "No, not now.  Give him time to
cool off and what not.  I don't want him barking at you and putting a
distance in your relationship.  I'll just call you later and tell you if
he's changed or not." Lynn answered him with a positive suggestion.  She
awaited concurrence from Brian.  "Okay, that sounds fine." Brian agreed
solemnly.  Lynn frowned her lips.  She was troubled over her son and could
no longer hide it.  "Brian, this is serious.  I really think something's
getting to Justin.  He's just not him." Lynn insisted, hoping to pull out a
tender and affectionate emotion from Brian.  She only heard a sigh.  "Just
call me Lynn.  I'm sure I'll talk to him today." Brian said before ending
his conversation with Lynn, bringing her to a new height of anxiety.
		A ballad-like melody played into the production booth on the otherside of
the studio.  With the lights lowered to a small degree, Justin leaned over
the engineering board while tinkering with the melody.  He listened to each
note that he programmed into the system.  The composition rang out several
notes that would emcompass a ballad of love, something Justin couldn't
realte to at the moment.  He couldn't think of lyrics that would suit such a
beautiful song.  'God, this sounds like something Brian could handle with no
prob'.' Justin thought, quickly turning off the recorded tune.  He slammed
his hands down onto the board and closed his eyes, trying to envision the
proper kind of music to fit his mood.
		Justin's eyes blinked open again as he moved his hands to another 'play'
button.  He pushed it down and let a more uptempo, heavy beat, flood into
the production booth.  He bobbed his head quickly with the
guitar-synthesized beat.  He sucked in his lower lip, grabbing a pen from a
nearby station and putting it against the white notepad that laid before
him.  'Come on, think.' he demanded of himself.  The process of writing a
song used to be an easy task for Justin.  He could always relate to the
melody and place his own life situations with it.  'No, no, no... this is
too much like Josh.  I'd feel...' Justin ceased his thoughts and stopped the
beat from echoing in the production booth.  He threw his face into his hands
and closed his eyes, sucking in tears that were born through Justin's
frustration and confusion.
		'Why am I making myself choose?  Why can't I figure out where my heart
really belongs?  It's just not fair.' Justin sobbed to himself, trying to
hide from his thoughts.  He despised his feelings.  He detested being
emotional over his thoughts, but he could not help it.  It was instinct for
him.  Slinking himself into a situation he wasn't ready for only troubled
Justin more.  'Do I want him to be with me?  Is it just a sexual thing?'
Justin began to muse over as he thought about J.C.  J.C. was definetely
things that Brian was not, but he also lacked many things that Brian gave to
him.  He licked his lips while trying to decide who's kiss he adored more.
He felt his skin shudder, attempting to decide who's touch calmed him more.
He took in a deep breath while musing over who's scent Justin cherished
more.
		Justin's thoughts were awaken by the sounds of a guitar and drum-driven
beat that soon began to wash over the producition booth.  The mid-tempo
arrangement spoke to Justin.  His head lifted and his hands dropped back
down onto the engineering board.  His eyes searched around the room for the
person that played the tune.  He stopped when finding Nikki standing beside
his chair with a warm smile.  "Need some help?" Nikki asked, looking down at
Justin.  Justin sighed cautiously.  He drew back his badanna and pulled it
off of his strawberry blonde head.  He sniffled quietly, holding in the few
frustrated tear drops.  A nod was his answer to Nikki.
		Nikki pulled a chair close to her friend and took a seat, never taking her
eyes off of Justin's sullen expression.  She tapped her fingers on the board
while hearing the beat.  "Do you know what you want the song to be about?"
Nikki asked him as she continued to move with the music.  Justin tapped his
pen on the notepad, endeavoring to get a feel for the notes that were
encompassed in the song.  Expressing himself tends to be difficult for
Justin.  "Being with someone and then being tempted to leave them for
someone else, someone close to you." Justin spoke out the words before he
realized what he was truly saying.  Nikki leaned back in her chair with
astonishment.  Justin was blunt, a side of him she rarely saw.  "Well,
okay... I think I know that feeling.  Let's see if we can write about it
though." Nikki suggested while trying to grasp the pattern of the melody.
Justin nodded to show that he agreed with her.
		The switching and adding of elements in the song helped Justin to jot down
quick lyrics for the song.  Nikki watched him with a keen eye.  She never
considered herself a songwriter.  She felt she did not possess the qualities
her ex-boyfriend had to grasp words and turn them into feelings.  She only
monitored Justin as he wrote.  "Wait, use 'sane' right there instead." Nikki
advised while looking at one of the lyrics Justin wrote.  Justin perked his
head up, taking note on the recommendation.  He nodded with a small smile,
changing the lyric briskly.  Nikki released her own grin when seeing that
she could help Justin.  She slid an arm around his shoulders and hummed the
melody in his ear as he scribbled down more lyrics.  Slowly, the song was
receiving words to go along with the mellow melody.
		Justin stopped the instrumental and then reset it.  "Here... sing this for
me so I can see if it sounds right." Justin requested, passing the notepad
with the lyrics on it to Nikki.  Nikki raised her brow.  She swallowed hard,
trying to stare into Justin's solid blue eyes.  "Are you serious?  Why can't
you sing it?" Nikki inquired with a shaky voice.  She was not prepared to
sing a song that was written from Justin's own thoughts.  "No, come on
Nikki.  I can't sing it.  I need someone else to sing it so I can think
about what I need to change." Justin denied her.  Nikki pouted with an
obscure feeling.  She glanced at the notepad and then back at Justin.  She
was still unsure.  "Please." Justin added the final enticement to persuade
Nikki.  She sighed arrogantly and then pulled the notepad closer to her.  "I
don't like you." she teased him, studying the lyrics.  Justin gleamed at
her.  He looked back over to the production board.  He pressed the 'play'
button so that the instrumental would echo in the booth once more.

	Without you in my life
	Things might go right
	But I wouldn't have that friend
	The one that keeps me sane
	Someone to hold me tight
	Who's always there by my side
	And everytime I look in your eyes
	I know that this can't be right

	I'm losin' out without you
	I'm losin' out if I saty with you
	Cause I can't love you and still keep things the same
	But I'll lose out if you take this away

		Nikki stopped singing the lyrics.  Justin had not completed the song, only
the first verse and the hook.  He eyed Nikki with awe.  Her voice was what
he needed to sing the song and bring it to life in his heart.  She sung the
words that expressed his thoughts at the moment.  It set off a fire in him
that commanded for more lyrics.
		Nikki passed the notepad back to Justin.  She blinked her eyes and cleared
her throat softly.  "I've got to show Josh this." Justin said, his words
slipping out.  Nikki became erect in her seat, hearing her ex-boyfriend's
name.  Slowly, things had become more than clear for her.  'Being with
someone and then being tempted to leave them for someone else, someone close
to you.' rang through Nikki's mind.  She thought of the lyrics she had just
sung.  They could not express Justin's feelings for Brian, but for another.
Someone that was definetely close to Justin.  Someone who showed favor for
him.  Someone like J.C.
		Nikki placed her hands in her lap, her head sulking.  She felt choked up
and unable to speak to Justin.  'No, something can't be happening between
them.' Nikki thought out, her eyes welling up.  She felt her cheeks fluster
and her heart began to race.  The musings hurt her.  She gripped her hands
closed and sniffled quietly, never being haerd over the instrumental that
still played.  She glanced up at Justin through teary eyes.  She watched as
he continued to toy with lyrics on his notepad.  She felt a lump in her
throat as she swallowed.  Small goosebumps began to rise all over her arms.
Her mouth became dry and cottony.  'Oh God, please no, not them.' Nikki
continued to contemplate as her body weakened.  She was becoming aware of
the way Justin and J.C. were closer and always around each other, even when
others weren't around.  The constant battles the two had over petty things.
They way they silenced each other by looking into the other's eyes.  'Oh
fuck no, this can't be true.  Justin can't want him!  Josh can't fucking
want him too.  Justin... he's married.  He's supposed to be with Rok.  He
can't betray him like that.  And Angel too.' Nikki thought out as she stood
from her chair.  A tear rolled from her aspiring green eyes.
		Nikki turned her head away from Justin so that he could not spot the tears
as they exited her eyes.  She, again, sniffled.  "Uhm, I've got to run back
to the other studio.  I probably have some more vcals to lay." Nikki
breathed out with a whimper.  She flopped her hair back and scooted away
from her chair.  She did not receive an immediate response from Justin.  The
silence scared her.  "Will you at least come back to hear the finished
product?" Justin asked of her as she began to stumble for the door.  Nikki
felt another warm tear caress her cheek, leaving a sliver of wetness down
her face.  She sighed quietly.  "Sure." she managed to get out as she placed
her hand on the door.  She opened it and with another tear falling, she
exited the booth.
		Jenny, Mandy, Danay walked down one of the hallways of the studio with
Trace Ayala and Ms. Renee, a Just-In-Time assistant, in tow.  "You know
Chris says that we'll actually have more set time once the first half of the
opening acts leave and the new ones join up." Jenny commented, twirling her
hair around her finger.  Danay nodded, watching the slim walkway as they
strolled.  "I think we should add 'Ride' to the set list." Mandy suggested,
giving Danay and Jenny quick glances.  Danay nodded again.  "We need
something to erally pick up the crowd since 'So Together' is so mellow and
'Rain Rain' definetely slows us down.  A little something fun to pick them
up before 'Say No More' might be nice." Mandy continued with her idea.
Jenny perked up when feeling her boyfriend's hand rest on her shoulder.  She
smiled pleasently as they all came around a corner in the walkway.  "I was
thinking we could add 'This Is It' instead.  It's a fun song." Danay
disagreed in a friendly manner.  Mandy pressed her lips together,
withholding an argument with Danay.
		"I think we need to change our clothes for the show.  Something a little
moer sexy might be nice." Jenny chimed.  She listened as Trace hummed in her
ear, causing her to giggle softly.  "Ooh, that might be nice Jenny.  Some
sparkly stuff and maybe some body glitter and spaghetti-strapped shirts."
Ms. Renee cheered as they walked.  Mandy rolled her eyes with a grin.  "A
diva as alawys, eh Ms. Renee?" Mandy snickered.  The others joined her
without hesitation.
		Danay ended her laughter when hearing something else.  She could hear
heavy sobbing coming from one an approaching corner.  She could recognize
the sound without thinking.  She had only heard it twice in her life.  Each
of those times, those sobs were dedicated to the loss of a boyfriend.  Danay
patted Mandy and then Jenny to quiet their obnoxious laughter.  She slowed
the pace at which they waked.  "Is that... is that Nikki?" Mandy questioned,
listening to the sounds of her friend's crying.  Danay placed a finger over
lips lips, pleading with the others to walk in silence.  They all moved in
utter stillness.  "Mandy, go get Veronica." Danay advised in a hushed voice.
  Mandy bit down on her lower lip, not desiring to abandon her friend.
Jenny took a brief look at Trace, fear holding her eyes steady.  "We'll go
to the waiting room.  You guys can just come there when ya ready." Ms. Renee
informed Jenny as she tugged on Trace.  Trace was unsure whether it was his
place to stay or go.  Mandy breezed past them, fleetly moving in hopes to
reach Veronica in a quick manner.  Trace took a look over his shoulder to
watch her before turning back to his girlfriend.  "Come on Trace." Ms. Renee
hissed, pulling on Trace's shirt.  Trace sighed, still uncertain of what he
was to do.  "Go ahead Trace.  We can handle this." Jenny agreed,
instantaneously pecking him on the cheek.  Trace felt the blood rush to the
spot Jenny kissed him at.  He blushed lightly.  "Aight, ya'll come down
there ya through up here." Trace shrugged, following Ms. Renee in the
opposite direction.
		Nikki sat in the corner of the hallway, curled up.  Her knees were pulled
up against her chest and her head was laying in her hands.  Her hair was now
let down, resting over her shoulders and covering her face from view.  Her
whole body seemed to shake as each sob broke free from her lips.  The tears
couldn't be heard or seen, but any eye could tell they were present.
		The sobs continued at a raising pace, echoing down the hallway.  Nikki
could taste salty tears on her lips as she licked them.  She sniffled
quietly before another sob pressed through her lips.  She wanted to close
her eyes and keep them closed, but the burn of the tears in her eyes ached
too much.  "Nik'?  Nikki, what's wrong?" the sound of Danay's voice entered
her ears.  Nikki shivered.  She felt the lump inside of her throat widen by
two inches, preventing any words from escaping her trembling lips.  She
coughed roughly, pulling her legs closer to her body.  Her tears rolled like
thick rain drops down her pale cheeks.  She didn't want to speak and tell
anyone how she felt and what she knew.
		Nikki soon felt a hand resting on her should, a cool and timid touch that
throbbed on her.  "Hey girl, you can tell us.  We're here for you Nikki."
Jenny's voice entered the picture.  Nikki again tried to speak with no
avail.  She was too heartbroken, too betrayed, too lost and confused.  Only
sobs answered the requests coming from Jenny and Danay.  It was almost
impossible for her to repeat the words that had been echoing through her
head ever since she left the studio she shared with Justin.
		"Nikki... Nikki, come on, you can't keep this bottled up.  You know it's
gonna hurt you in the end." Danay insisted, tugging on her friends arms to
pull her out of the shell she pushed herself into.  She ran her cooler hands
over Nikki's shoulders, caressing them for comfort.  She did not hold high
esteem for her friends when they kept their thoughts and feelings bottled
away.  She knew the pain it caused.
		Nikki felt herself losing more control over her crying.  She tried to turn
back, tried to hide her feelings and continue with the day.  It was now
unavoidable.  She let her head raised slightly and her arms opened.  She
quickly reached out for Danay, her teary eyes finally being revaeled to her
friends.  Danay briskly returned the gesture, pulling Nikki into a hug and
allowing Nikki to cry on her shoulder.  She felt the moist, warm tears
trickle down her skin as her friend proceeded to sob endlessly.  "He loves
him, Danay.  Josh... he... he... he loves him." Nikki wailed, clutching onto
Danay's body.  Danay sighed loosely, holding Nikki closer.  Jenny pet her
fingers through Nikki's hair for further comfort.  "I know Nikki.  I know
J.C. loves Nick... but you've got to let him go.  He and Nick are going to
get married and you can't spend the rest of your life crying over him."
Danay responded to Nikki's words.  She ran her hands over the small of
Nikki's back and then back up to her shoulder blades.  Nikki shook her head
immediately.  'No, not him.' Nikki thought as her tears flooded her cheeks.
She had not even thought about Nick.  Her own selfish emotions caused her to
think of herself and her heart.  She had never considered the man that J.C.
had promised to marry and love for the rest of his life.
		"It's okay Nikki.  One day, you'll be happy for J.C. and Nick." Jenny
whispered, holding her hand on the top of Nikki's head.  Nikki sobbed a
little softer.  She didn't want to tell them, she couldn't tell them.  They
could not know of what was occuring between Justin and J.C.
		An hour seemed to trickle by and Nikki had finally released all of her
tears.  She stood outside of the waiting room where Mandy, Trace, Veronica,
and Ms. Renee watched an entertaining episode of 'All In The Family' on the
television.  She was leaned against a wall of the hallway, holding herself
with one arm.  She held a cell phone to her ear as she listened to the first
ring on the other end.  She tapped her foot on the ground, hoping for an
answer.  She needed someone she knew she could confide in, outside of the
girls in ehr group.  Someone that knew her well enough.
		"Hello?" a scratchy voice came into the phone, causing Nikki to brighten
up.  She leaned off of the wall and smiled smally.  She licked her lips
briskly and said, "Hello?  'Manda?  Is that you?"  She heard a small laugh
enter the phone.  "Yeah, it's me girl.  What's up?" Amanda Latona responded.
  Nikki sighed with relief.  "Your voice is a bit deeper Amanda.  You sound
like A.J. high on hormones or something." Nikki laughed, standing in one
position in the hallway.  She received an equally joyful laugh from Amanda.
"Shut up Nikki.  I'm a little under the weather, that's all.  I think I
caught something from Amaiya." Amanda giggled.  "Oh, Amaiya's sick?" Nikki
wondered with concern, lessening her vibrant laughter.  Amanda softly
cleared her throat.  "Yeah, she's got a little something, I think.  Nothing
serious though.  A mild fever here and there.  Denise has been calling like
crazy to check up on her though.  Guess she figures I can't handle this with
Alex." Amanda replied in a less-than-thrilled tone.
		Nikki pressed her lips together, surpressing a cheery grin.  "Oh, A.J.'s
home?" Nikki wondered, taking a few steps away from the wall.  "Yeah, that
pest is here.  I've been trying to put Amaiya down for a nap for two hours,
but I can't seem to do it now that her Daddy's home for a day.  Whenever
they get together, it's like chaos around here." Amanda lamented with a
smokey tone.  Nikki laughed quietly.  "Justin says the same thing about..."
Nikki's heart jumped as she tried to speak.  She was reminding herself, just
the utterance of the name ripping at her heart.  She could hear Amanda
keeping the silence, awaiting Nikki to finish.  She pushed her bangs back
and tried to continue.  "He says the same thing about Brian and Angel.
Justin can't ever seem to get Angel to act right when Brian gets around."
Nikki finally finished her sentence.  She listened to Amanda's childish
giggle.  "They are just alike, I tell ya.  In fact, A.J.'s trying to get a
day out with just him and Amaiya and Brian and Angel." Amanda sneered.
Nikki propped up a grin.  "Really?" she pondered.  "Yep.  Brian said
something about doing it later on in the week because he had something to
take care of first." Amanda answered her without reservations.  Nikki raised
her brow.  She was curious.
		"And so A.J.'s trying to get with Kevin, like tomorrow or something, so
they can talk.  Possibly about Kevin going with Brian next time he visits
Justin.  So, well, you know..." Amanda lingered with her words.  She delayed
each of them, waiting for an immediate reponse from Nikki.  It was expected.
  "Actually, Amanda, that's what I called you about.  Well, actually, not
about me and Kevin getting back together because there is a slim to none
chance of that happening." Nikki perked up, crossing to the other side of
the hall as she spoke.  She scuffed her feet across the tiles of the floor,
her mind on a million thoughts.  "Oh, really?  Well come on girl, you know I
love all the hot gossip from the road.  What happened?  Veronica got drunk
in a club?  Jenny fall on her face during a show?  What?" Amanda wondered
with a rabbit curiosity.  Nikki laughed loudly at Amanda.  She missed her
crazed sense of humor on the road.  It kept her spirits high when there was
little to celebrate.  "No, Amanda, nothing crazy like that happened.
Actually, it's about me and..." Nikki struggled to actually reveal her
emotions.  The drawn out effects of dealing with her feelings often left her
speechless and unable to express to another how she felt.  It was often the
case for the twenty-year-old from Georgia.
		"Come on Nik', what is it?" Amanda demanded a full reply from Nikki.
Nikki took a small swallow, trying to gather her full strength.  "I still
have feelings for J.C." Nikki finally choked out.  She heard a silence take
over the phone.  She had to swallow once more with an overbearing fear.
"Strong feelings?" Amanda questioned softly, searching for an answer in a
immediate reply.  "I think I'm in love with him." Nikki confessed, her
bottom lip quivering as she spoke.  "Look Jessica Simpson, this is not the
time to play.  Are you serious?" Amanda interjected with her own deaf
sarcasm.  Nikki rolled her eyes, walking towards the opposite wall.  She
glanced down at the ground and watched her feet, a nervousness striking her
body.  "Yes, 'Manda, I'm serious." Nikki nodded.  She listened as a drawn
out sigh crossed over Amanda's lips.  It was not always a pleasent sign.
"Nikki, J.C.'s marrying Nick.  I mean, uh, I don't know how to respond to
this.  I know you probably have bent up emotions that might be stemming from
your breakup with Kevin..." Amanda couldn't get all of her words out.  "This
has absolutely nothing to do with Kevin.  He's far from my head.  This is
about how I feel for Josh and..." Nikki couldn't do it.  She couldn't
acknowledge her current situation with J.C. and Justin.  It would only hurt
Justin in the end and even though Nikki had felt the selfish feelings, she
did not dare do anything that would hurt her friend.
		"Nikki, I know it's probably hard.  I'm not sure what to say because I
don't know if J.C. might feel the same for you.  It's possible, but I still
don't know," Amanda started out with easy words for her friend.  She waited
to see if Nikki would halt her and offer up another small argument.  It was
quiet on the other end.  "But if you truly still have strong feelings for
J.C., then don't let them die just yet.  Maybe you should approach him about
them and see how he feels.  If anything, at least it'll help you become
secure about what will happen in the future." Amanda offered her words of
wisdom.  Nikki did not look on them with unfavorable eyes.  They were
thoughts she had had, but needed support with.  "Thanks Amanda." Nikki
smiled out.  She could never deny her thrill in having Amanda as a friend.
"Sure girl.  You know you can call me anytime with a problem.  I know it's
not always easy to tell Danay and them." Amanda chimed.  Nikki giggled
quietly.  She and Amanda saw eye-to-eye too many times.  "Oh, and one more
thing Amanda... please don't tell Kevin about this conversation.  If
anything, I'd want to be the one to tell him later on." Nikki requested in a
meek voice.  "Okay, don't worry Nikki." Amanda agreed without reservation in
her scratchy voice.  Nikki sighed with grand relief.  She swallowed lightly
and felt her strength truly returning.
		Justin tapped his fingers along the edge of the engineering board as he
listened to the music he had crafted for the song he was composing.  His
head bobbed in small motions to the mid-tempo melody.  He peered his eyes at
the blinking lights on the board while he kept his thoughts on the lyrics he
had written.  'Damn, why am I writing about him?' Justin began to
contemplate as he could hear the song gradually fading from the speakers.
		"Sounds like a nice song." J.C.'s voice entered the production booth.
Justin's head jerked up with indefinite surprise.  He felt his nerves become
restless while his eyes stared upon the figure that glided into the booth.
"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt you.  I just wanted to tell you that Joey
was here and he's waiting in the studio." J.C. explained himself as he
continued to step into the dim-lit room.  Justin began to chew on his lower
lip, his tender blue eyes drifting around the room to avoid eye-contact with
J.C.  "It's okay, you're not bothering me or anything." Justin said
bashfully.  He twitched his nose and then lowered his head.  He cogitated on
his succeeding actions.
		Justin did not have to fear of deciding on something that could hurt him.
The decision was made for him.  J.C. rested his hand on top of Justin's
fingers, petting them in an affectionate way.  Justin's face grew pale under
J.C.'s touch.  He felt the hand slide downward and with subtle movements,
Justin soon felt his and J.C.'s fingers interlocked.  The smoothness of
J.C.'s palm on top of his caused blood to rush to Justin's cheeks.  "Is the
song about Brian?" J.C. questioned, glancing at the wedding ring that still
laid tightly around Justin's left ring finger.  Justin shut his eyes for a
second and then blinked them open.  He took a deep breath.  'Oh God, say
yes.' Justin's conscience pleading with him as his heart began to race.  The
heat of J.C.'s body so close to Justin brought him warmth and great pain.
"No, it's not." he finally whispered.
		J.C.'s free hand ran over Justin's waist, sending goosebumps over Justin's
body.  The hand gripped Justin's hip and turned him in the direction of the
production board so that his body was facing J.C.'s body.  Justin felt his
pulse race.  J.C.'s breath washed over his face and the closeness of their
bodies gave him a fever.  The scent of his cologne was another temptation
that plagued Justin.  His mind did not know in what direction to run.  "The
song was... it was... it was about..." Justin felt the words grasping on the
walls of his throat so that they could tear their way out.  He felt J.C.'s
lips getting closder to his, lingering to hear Justin say his last word.
"You." Justin confessed at last, allowing J.C. to press his lips to his for
a smooth kiss.  J.C. pressed his lips down firmly before rubbing his lips
briskly over Justin's.  The tip of his tongue ran over his teeth and then
finally slid inward until it brushed against Justin.
		Justin breathed heavily, still holding J.C.'s hand and beginning to feel
his lust call him to kiss J.C. back.  His heart beseeched for him to stop.
It asked for Justin to pull away, not to touch J.C.  Justin's heart did not
have a loud enough voice.  His lips began to run over J.C.'s in an erotic
motion, his tongue slowly trickling into J.C.'s mouth to caress it while his
hand ran up J.C.'s back.  'I hate myself.' his mind said as his lips
continued to kiss and suckle J.C.'s thick, pink lips.
		The morning came in a furious breeze.  A small woman with honey-blonde
hair, hidden under an orange bandanna, and a youthful figure pranced through
the lobby of the hotel that the men of *NSYNC occupied.  She kept her eyes
hidden under a pair of sunglasses and her appearance simple, yellow T-shirt
and jeans, so that none would stop her.  She did not desire to be recognized
as she visited the hotel.
		It had been a late night bus ride for the men of *NSYNC to their next
destination, Louisiana, and a morning trip for Joey Fatone as he met his
girlfriend, Britney Spears; her mother, Lynne Spears; and Britney's
bodyguard, Q, at a local restaurant for an early breakfast.  Joey now
trailed behind Britney, carrying one of her bags while trying to find his
key card in his large cargo pants' pockets.  He took a quick glance up and
watched as Britney continued a smooth stroll towards the elevators.  'You'd
think a girl like her would be worn out already from doing what she's been
doing for the past weeks.' Joey grumbled inside of his mind as he did his
best to keep a steady stride behind his girlfriend.
		Britney was not in the least tired.  With two days off to spend with her
family and a few old friends, Britney seemed to regain the energy she lost
from promotional tours and video making.  "Come on Joey, we need to get
upstairs and see the others before they all decide on what they're gonna do
for the day." Britney slung out in her thick country accent.  Joey wrinkled
his brow, keeping a tight lip as the shade from the brim of his cap kept his
eyes shaded.  His fingers gripped onto the handle of the suitcase he
carried.  He was only hoping that his girlfriend would neglect his friends
and take the opportunity to spend her last day off with him as he had not
seen her in a month's time.  'Well, maybe she just wants to give a greeting
to them so she doesn't seem rude.' Joey thought out as he caught up to his
girlfriend's brisk pace.
		Joey set the luggage on the floor, leaning up against the wall.  He
listened as Britney continiuously jammed the elevator button while her
bodyguard and mother eventually met up with them.  "I think we should take
Joey down to that festival a block away.  He'd probably like that." Lynne
Spears suggested.  She eyed her daughter's back as Britney crossed her arms
and tapped her foot against the marble floor.  "Well actually..." Joey began
to speak, but his words could not form quick enough.  "Mom, you can take him
over there.  I actually have something I want to handle first." Britney
gushed in a hollow voice.  Joey's head whipped in her direction with
astonishment.  He flexed his jawbone with a hint of anger.  "But Britney..."
Joey was again cut off as the elevator doors slid open, causing Britney to
urgently walk inside.  Joey crumbled his brow, peering at Britney with
little appreciation.  He shoved one hand into his pocket and lifted her
suitcase again.  His fingers ran over two objects that rested in his pocket.
  He could feel two Trojan condoms laying near the seam of his cargo's,
causing his face to tighten with distress.  'Guess I won't need these then.'
he muttered to himself as he stepped onto the elevator, followed by Lynne
and Q.
		Chris Kirkpatrick yawned softly, his fingers lifting to rub his eyes clear
of the sleep from the night.  He was tired, still, but he knew that he had
to enjoy the day while he could.  Another trip on the bus prevented Chris
from enjoying much of his free time, including the time he cherished holding
the woman that laid tightly next to him.
		Chris stretched casually in the bed, trying not to move too much.  He let
his arms fall onto his fiancee's side.  He attempted to cuddle with her as
she remained in her wearry state.  His arms slipped around her, endeavoring
to hold her closer.  He struggled, trying not to hurt her as she slept.  His
hands met and interlocked just under her protruding stomach.  He brushed the
small bristles of his cheek against her shoulder, lightly kissing it
afterward.  He took a breath of her sweet perfume into his nose.  "Mmmm,
you're beautiful." Chris whispered, laying another kiss on Meelah's cool,
ebony shoulder.  Meelah groaned softly, struggling to relish her sleep as
Chris held her.  Chris giggled under his breath.  "Sorry." he said softly.
		Chris' hands slipped under Meelah's shirt and felt her smooth skin.  He
traced his fingers over her stomach, attempting to feel the child that was
living inside of her.  It was their child and that caused Chris to smile.
He pressed down lightly, feeling the tight skin that kept their child inside
of her.  'I can't wait.' Chris thought as he felt her belly.  "Ugh, not
again Chris.  Just let me get a few more minutes of sleep before you start
having your baby-desire." Meelah requested in a strained voice.  Chris
frowned a little.  He did not want to cause his future wife any stress.  He
only cared for the safety of his child and for her.  "I'm sorry baby." Chris
whispered, drawing his fingers from under her so that she could rest.
		"It's okay baby... please, hold me." Meelah breathed out, reaching back
and tangling her fingers in Chris' brown hair.  Chris smiled a little,
quickly throwing his arms back around his fiancee.  He snuggled his face to
her neck, kissing it lightly.  A sigh broke from Meelah's lips as Chris
nuzzled her.  The sound caused a brighter smile to touch Chris' smooth lips.
  He made sure to keep his hands away from her sensitive stomach in hopes
that she would not complain once more.  "That's better." Meelah exhaled,
leaning her head backward so that she was closer to Chris.  It was a
comfortable position for the two as they slowly awaited the birth of their
child.
		Since hearing the results that their child was indeed concieved in
December, shortly before Meelah left to visit her family for Christmas, the
couple waited each moment for the day their child would finally come into
the world.  When hearing the doctor reveal that their child would be a boy,
Chris could not stop from beaming.  The final days were slowly ticking and
Chris and Meelah had planned for a late August wedding, giving Chris a
chance to escape the life of *NSYNC for a minute and allow him to celebrate
the birth of his child and his new found marriage.  He followed A.J.'s
steps, but in a greater length.  He was able to get past the age-difference,
the racial difference and even the background difference.  He and Meelah
were one in the same.  They cared for each other despite what society saw of
a couple of their stature.  A marriage and his first son was exactly what
Chris hoped for when he was at the age of twenty-eight.  Now, his dreams
were gradually becoming reality.
		Justin sat on the edge of his bed with the hotel phone sitting in his lap.
  He was halfway dressed to leave for a small walk, but he couldn't get
himself to continue dressing.  He couldn't convince himself to continue with
his life without talking with Brian.  His conscience had finally taken
control and his heart told him to talk to Brian and explain what had been
happening in his life.  He needed to speak with his husband and inform him
of the sins he had committed.  He had to assure Brian that he still loved
him and that without a doubt, their marriage was not over.
		Making that one phone call was not as simple as Justin's conscience's
would have liked it to be.  It was took too much enegery, too many tears
that Justin did not have the energy to shed.  It would hurt too much to
either hear silence or angered words from the man he dedicated his life to.
Justin still could not find the answer to the question that kept him in this
stressful life.  He still could not figure out why he had so easily been
seduced by J.C. and why he had yet to stop it.  It was trifling, but it was
also perplexing.  Just another part of Justin's youthful life that left him
without happiness.
		"God, right now, I need strength.  I need something that'll help me
through this... this cataclysm in my life.  Please, Lord, help me to keep
Brian.  God, I can't lose him.  I know I don't need J.C.  He's a friend of
mine, but he doesn't belong in my life outside of friendship.  You know how
important Brian is to my life and You know how he and Angel keep me on this
steady path with You.  All three of us, together, make up this family that I
do not want to lose.  So God, give me grace and give me Your strength to
handle this and to find my way back to Brian." Justin prayed.  He lowered
his head and closed his eyes.  They were beaming red with tears that pleaded
to escape, to break free from Justin.  Justin looked for strength and forgot
tears, something he had not done for months unless Brian was by his side.
He was, slowly, becoming a strong man.
		A swift knock at the door pulled Justin's head upright and his eyes
opened, still tearing at the tears that pleaded for release.  Justin cleared
his throat quietly, trying to disguise the tears and hurt that touched his
face.  "Uh, yeah, it's open." he managed to push out.  He awaited the door
to move in the slightest form.  He had to prepare himself mentally, as well
as physically.
		The door creaked open and a head popped inside to glance around.  "Hey
there, lover boy." Britney grinned as she stared at the huddled Justin.
Justin pulled up from his hunched over position and offered a fake smile to
his ex-girlfriend.  "Hi Brit." Justin spoke up with little surprise in his
voice.  For some odd and unexplainable reason, he expected to see her on his
trip to Louisiana.
		Britney slipped into the room, glancing around for a sign of happiness in
the room.  She knew Justin well enough and could sense when something was
wrong.  Seven years of being friends, and often confidants, assisted Britney
in knowing when Justin was in need of someone.  Speaking to Justin on the
ohone recently also kept Britney aware that Justin seemed to be hiding
himself from the world and from his friends.  It was an intimate emotion
between only them.
		"How ya feeling Just?" Britney asked, trailing her fingers over Justin's
dresser as she kept a small distance between the two.  She gave Justin the
space his expressions demanded.  Justin licked his salty lips, tasting his
own tears.  He sniffled softly and then cleared his throat again.  "I'm
cool.  What about you?" Justin responded in a mono tone.  He had to convince
her in the smallest form that he was living a happy life.
		Britney gave him a generous smile, strolling over to the bed with the
innocence of a newborn child.  "I'm doing just fine.  You know, with finally
seeing Joey and all." Britney chimed, finding her own seat next to Justin on
the bed.  She slipped an arm over Justin's arched shoulders.  She laid her
head in his neck, cuddling to him to pull him from the shell he was
creating.  "Are you really okay Just?" Britney questioned with fear in her
Southern tone.  Justin placed a hand on her thigh, sighing uncontrollably.
He couldn't fight her, even if he wanted to try, it wasn't possible.  "I've
got my problems, but I'm aight Brit'.  Really though, I'll be cool." Justin
replied with a hushed voice.  He pet the fabric of Britney's jeans with
hopes that she would forget the subject.  "Well let's get out of here so we
can talk.  Just me and you, like the old days." Britney suggested, lifting
her head with a small gleam.  Justin, again, sighed, but lightly.  He pulled
his hand up and ran all of his fingers through his unruly strawberry blonde
hair.  His dark blue eyes raced around the room.  He couldn't make an easy
decision.  "Aight babe, we can do that." Justin ultimately agreed.  He was
tired of seeing the walls of his hotel rooms and wishing for some kind of
escape.  He needed one and Britney could provide it for him.
		Justin did want a small walk and he was receiving one, but with two bags
in his hands, each from Abercrombie & Fitch.  It was a nice compliment to
his style and he could not deny his need to shop like he had on past tours.
Walking with Britney, in an easy and comfortable stride, made things a bit
easier fro Justin.  He glanced, from the corner of his eye, at the girl next
to him, her head high, several small bags craddled in her palms, and a low
profile composing her.  "I like the hat." Britney commented toward the tan
cap Justin sported on top of his head.  Justin grinned.  "Yeah, it is nice."
Justin agreed, shifting through the uncrowded streets.  "I bet Brian would
like it." Britney added with a smooth voice.  She glanced back for her
shadow, Q, for safety purposes.  She then rounded her eyes back to Justin as
he carried a small grimace on his face.  "I, uhm, I really haven't talked to
him much." Justin responded shyly.  Blush circled his cheeks.  Britney
sighed with apprehension holding her from questioning Justin.  "You and your
baby aren't having problems, are ya?" Britney asked in a familiar country
accent.  She caught on as Justin slipped his lower lip into his mouth.  'Oh
damn,' she thought, twisting her head in another direction.  She despised
knowing that Justin and Brian could be having a small fight or even marital
problems.  It irked her in the sense that she trusted that both Brian and
Justin love each other dearly and she hated to know that even they fought,
especially since they were the first married out of their 'circle.'
		"It's Britney and Justin... oh wow... it's them..." several whisperes
flited a crowd as Britney and Justin passed by.  Britney drooped her head.
She hated the attention when she just wanted to enoy herself.  Justin
tightened his face, not releasing any signs of a smile or grin for
onlookers.  "Nikki and Jenny would love that shop," Justin spoke, directing
his head in the direction of a Dolce & Gabana shop.  He twitched his nose
when seeing a few younger girls staring at them, pointing occasionally and
then whispering.  They did not have happy expressions.  Justin merely rolled
his eyes, knowing their thoughts.  'God, can't people understand me and her
are friends.' Justin battled with, growing wildly tired of his constant
relation to Britney in the world.  "So get Trace to take them there.  You
still didn't answer my question." Britney said, drawing Justin's attention
away from the girls.  Justin turned his head to her with a perplexed face.
"Trace left this morning.  He had to go back to Memphis to see his family
and handle some business." Justin replied, avoiding her.  "Justin," Britney
began to whine.  She could see through the mirage Justin tried to create.
"You can't avoid this question for the rest of the time that I'm with you."
Britney complained without any form of reservation.
		Justin hung his head low.  He truly did believe that he could evade the
situation until Britney's departure.  He didn't want to talk to anyone about
his feelings concerning himself and his marriage.  "Britney, I'm going
through some real issues concerning my marriage right now," Justin finally
answered the question that had badgered him for an hour.  He knew he had
caught Britney's full concentration when speaking seriously.  "And it's
stuff I really don't want to discuss with anybody." Justin added, frankly.
		Britney could hear her name being muttered in a closer distance.  She
disregarded each voice outside of Justin's.  The fans did not matter at the
moment.  "But..." Britney began.  "No, Brit', seriously, I don't want to
talk about it.  It's just really personal." Justin interrupted her before
any other words could flood out of her mouth.  He watched a scowl form on
her face and he had to smile at her.  He found her anger cute, but he knew
she was solemn.  "Well, okay." Britney muttered.  She was angry.
		Justin sighed loosely, sliding an arm around her petite shoulders.  He did
not desire to see her frustrated by his own dilemma.  He did not give much
attention to the looks he now got as he walked with his arm wrapped around
his ex-girlfriend.  He chose to accept the consequences if only to save his
own sanity.  "Just, people are looking at us, you know that, right?" Britney
hissed briskly while shading her eyes from glances.  Justin nodded with a
bright smirk.  "Let them look at us.  Anything to get you off the subject of
me and Brian for a second." Justin said with a hushed voice.  The statement
was as true as Justin's feelings at the moment.
		Justin slipped his tan cap back on his head, this time backwards.  He had
abandoned Britney in Joey's room after their drawn out shopping trip.  He
was aware that his friend sought a few hours alone with his girlfriend
before they left for the venue to prepare for the show.  He knew, if it was
him, he'd want the same.
		Justin slipped his keycard in the lock on his door and waited for the
ringing sound.  As it came, Justin briskly turned the metal knob on his door
and shoved it open.  He kept a foot in the door to allow himself to carry
his bags inside.
		Justin tossed his bags inside, still keeping the door open with his left
foot.  He scratced the edge of his nose and slugged himself inside.  He
didn't feel comfortable being in his room again, but he dealt with it.  His
eyes traced over the slightly lit room and caught a glimpse of something
that surprised him.  His foot released the door when the surprise took a
hold of him, causing his tight jaw to drop.  His face lost a shade of its
redness and his eyes became hollow.
		"Howdy," Brian Littrell's smooth, but quiet country accent rang into the
room.  He sat stiffly on Justin's bed, his hands in his lap and a facial
expression of uncertainty.  He eyed his husband as he advanced toward the
bed in a staggering way.  He was aloof.  Brian felt a chill rinse over him
as he observed Justin.  There was no smile, no special greeting.  Justin did
not exhibit his usual kindness and surprise when seeing his husband
unexpectedly.  This odd behavior did not satisfy Brian to any end.
		Justin ceased his clumsy walk at his bed, standing directly in front of
Brian.  His left hand tugged his hat from his head and dropped it to the
carpeted floor.  He searched through Brian's baby blue eyes with wonder.  He
reached out his hand and ran it over Brian's smooth hair and then over his
thin cheeks.  'Why?  What is he doing here now?  How could he know that I
need him, right now?' Justin wondered, his mind burried in a maze of
depressing thoughts.  His fingers trickled over Brian's tight jaw and then
over his soft, thin, pink lips.  It was something about feeling the texture
of the lips that kissed many of his worries away that sent Justin into
overdrive.
		Brian watched as Justin fell to his knees and threw his arms around
Brian's chest, his head resting against Brian's lap.  He heard the soft
whine and then the sudden loud sob as Justin released warm tears onto his
white, draw-string pants.  His face twisted with astonishment as Justin
clutched him tightly and began to cry endless tears.  The drops came from
nowhere, to Brian's knowledge.  He had not sensed them through phone
conversations with his husband through the weeks.  He only sensed a lost
soul, and at times, a bitter one too.  It was as if when he talked to Justin
that he did not truly know how he felt or who he was.  He was becoming a
stranger and Brian deduced that it was because Justin had spent less and
less time with Brian and Angel while on tour.  That was the purpose of
Brian's early trip to visit his husband.  He wanted to see Justin again and
he needed to convey to Justin that he would soon be with his family once
more.
		Justin's fingers dug into the fabric of Brian's shirt, holding it tightly
so that he would never lose Brian.  He cried harder and harder as the
minutes past.  The sounds of a light thunder outside and drizzling rain only
fueled his tears more.  He had to get them out.  Shedding them onto Brian's
clothing as Brian began to hold him made it easier for Justin.  He was
shedding tears for Brian, for Angel, for his betrayel, and for their
marriage.  He coughed roughly as more, larger tears fell from the creases of
his eyes.  The feeling of Brian's hands rubbing and massaging his back
calmed Justin, but he knew his tears were not finished.
		"Hey... hey baby, what's wrong?  Why are you crying?" Brian wondered with
his soft, country accent.  He caressed Justin's wild hair, tossling the
small, spikey curls.  He only received a loud siob from Justin.  He could
tell the words were caught up in his sob, but they were not spoken into the
air.  "You can tell me." Brian whispered into Justin's ear before kissing
it.  He could feel Justin beginning to shiver under his touch.  His shirt
was being stretched by Justin as he clawed at it for life.  These actions
scared Brian.  Justin was bottling up an emotion and not telling Brian.
Brian hated secrets and he hated them even more when it came to Justin.
"Just tell me." Brian again pleaded, petting Justin's taut hair.  Still,
there were only drawn out sobs and never words.  Brian was becoming
discouraged.
		Justin lifted his ehad some, his brow wrinkled, his nose a flaming red
shade, and his eyes slightly shut with taers still prying them open.  Justin
had to blink several times to relieve himself of the hot, stingy tears.  He
coughed again, lowering his head so that he did not look directly into
Brian's eyes.  That would be his downfall.  He sniffled heavily and let his
trembling lips part.  "Pl-please ho-hold me..." Justin pleaded with a shaky
voice.  His breathing was accelerated and his mind spun in several
locations.  He was not adjusting to guilt gracefully.  He leaned up some,
kneeling.  He tried to look into Brian's eyes and beg some more.  He didn't
have to though.  He soon felt Brian's strong arms engulf him and pull him
upward.  He fastened his own arms around Brian's back, interlocking his
fingers while Brian hugged him, pulling him onto the bed.  "Okay, okay.
Don't cry baby.  You don't have to tell me." Brian gave in, whispering into
Justin's ear as he embraced him on the bed.
		An hour had stormed by and the rain still fell lightly.  The *NSYNC show
had yet to be cancelled and there was only an hour and a half left before
all of the acts would have to be at the venue.  Brian craved to spend that
last hour and a half with Justin.  He had only got a quick flight out to
Lousiana to see Justin and would be leaving for the airport a few minutes
before the show was over.  He figured he'd have to slip away quietly so that
Justin did not break down again that day.
		His light blue eyes looked upon Justin as he was curled up in the middle
of the bed, still sobbing quietly and tears still managing to break from his
eyes.  His body shivered often and his face stayed burried into the sheets,
coating them with salty drops.  Brian drug his fingers through his hair as
he watched the distraut Justin.  'God, what's wrong with him?  What's
happened?' Brian asked for answers in his mind.  He had none and that is
what disturbed him most.  He had no outlet for his frustration and he had no
clues that would lead Brian to Justin's problem.  It was just a dusty road
with several different paths to walk.
		"Rocky..."  The name brought a small smile to Brian's saddened face.  It
was the most affectionate nickname Justin had given Brian and one that Brian
cherished deeply.  He skid over to the bed when hearing Justin utter the pet
name.  He laid his hand down on Justin's back, running his fingers over
Justin's spine.  "Yeah baby?" Brian replied.  Justin cleared his throat.
"I... I just wanted to make sure that you... you were still here with me."
Justin cried delicately.  He sniffled and kept his head lowered.
		"I'm still here baby." Brian responded, lifting his hand from Justin's
back.  He backed away from the bed, losing hope that Justin might utter the
reason he was crying so heavily.  He itched the tip of his nose while still
contemplating answers.  "Do... do you want to lay down with me?" Justin
asked in a shallow voice, rolling over so that there was enough room for
Brian on the bed.  Brian offered him a hefty grin.  He shook his head and
then stepped closer to the wall.  A small pout crossed Justin's pouty lips.
It wasn't the repsonse he was looking for.  He was hoping Brian would agree
so that Justin could cuddle with his husband and remember the reasons why he
gave his heart openly to Brian.  He needed to remind himself that the one
constant thing in his life was having Brian by his side, always.
		Brian sighed with a lonely vibe surrounding him.  He leaned against the
wall and cocked his head to the side, closing his eyes to enjoy the soothing
sounds of the rain from outside.  He could ehar the ruffling of the sheets
nearby and small footsteps.  A smile crept upon his face as hands soon met
with his cheeks.  "I thought you were going to lay down." Brian whispered,
his eyes soon blinking open to see his husband leaning on him.  Justin
leandd his forehead onto Brian's, submitting a charming smile to his
husband.  He grazed the tip of nis nose over Brian's, breathing quietly.
"Sleeping's not the same without you or Angel there." Justin remarked in a
hushed voice.  He raised his hand up to trace the outer rim of Brian's ear.
		As Brian's hands came to rest on Justin's waist, Justin sniffled again.
Brian sighed arrogantly.  "Please don't cry again Justin.  It doesn't help
me when I don't know what's wrong with you and you cry." Brian chided.  He
felt Justin's lips brush against his bottom lips as a warm tear pressed
between their cheeks.  "You said I didn't have to tell you." Justin
whispered, trying to take comfort in Brian's arms.  Brian clenched his teeth
shut.  He regret letting Justin's 'secret' slide that easy, but he had to
find a way to silence Justin's crying.  "And you don't, just as long as you
stop crying." Brian responded through gritted teeth.  He massaged Justin's
hip bone as he spoke.  He too wanted to be closer to Justin and to seek
refuge from his own loneliness in Justin's warm arms.  "Well, these are
tears of happiness, Brian," Justin reported as another tepid tear ran down
his cheek.  Brian found himself giggling quietly.  "What are you so happy
about?" Brian wondered, now brushing his nose against Justin's.  Justin
exhaled with content.  He leaned up and kissed the tip of Brian's nose.
"Because I think I've found the cure to that problem that's been bothering
me." Justin responded.  He could feel Brian's dimples form under his fingers
after he answered Brian.
		Brian kept a tight grip on Justin's waist as he led him over to the doors
that led to the balcony.  Justin took small steps with Brian, curious about
his actions.  He trusted Brian enough to let him lead the way and when the
doors to the balcony opened, Justin did not question his husband.
		He found himself in a new position soon, standing with Brian,
face-to-face, in the doorway that led to the balcony.  He could hear the
rain falling nearby.  Justin turned his head to look at the silvery rain as
it drizzled down over the city.  Comfort was a thought of his.  He sensed
movement from Brian and then felt Brian grab his wrist.  Brian lifted
Justin's wrist until his palm was facing upward and out in the rain.  Justin
jumped from shock when feeling the tiny drops sprinkle into his palm.  It
was a quieting sensation.
		Soon, a small puddle of water was developing in Justin's cupped hand.
"Sometimes, I wish I could hold you like you can hold those rain drops."
Brian whispered into Justin's ear.  He nuzzled his head against Justin's,
admiring the pond of clear liquid in Justin's palm.  He licked his thin lips
and then pressed them to Justin's cheek.  "I just miss you that much." Brian
added, bringing his lips closer to Justin's ear.
		Justin felt a shiver rush over him when hearing Brian's soothing country
intone.  He quivered under Brian's touch.  He turned his hand upside down
and let the rain fall down onto the deck.  "And does Angel miss me?" Justin
inquired with a heavy curiosity.  Brian nibbled his lower lip while lifting
Justin's other hand.  He carried the hand to his face and began to kiss
Justin's fingertips.  He lacked the knowledge of only being with his son and
not his husband.  He was used to being the one away from the house and now
with the Backstreet Boys finishing up their current album, he was seeing the
light that Justin walked through.  He was the one at home, taking care of
Angel with the assistance of Lea, and never being able to hold his husband
when he wanted to.  Brian kissed the tip of Justin's index finger and then
sighed.  "All he does is ask for his Daddy," Brian replied.  The small
amount of misery in his voice did little to comfort Justin.  He allowed
Brian to press his face to his neck in attempt to find solace.  He forced
himself to swallow and accept the fate of being a musical artist.  "I miss
ya'll too." Justin choked out, one last salty tear sliding from between his
eyelids and falling downward until it met with Brian's chiseled cheek.
		Nikki sat on a couch in the lobby of the hotel, watching the rain fall
softly on the city.  The concert was still going to go on because there was
no storm in sight and the rain was beginning to let up.  There was no
official reason to cancel the show and Nikki hated that.  She didn't feel
like performing at the minute.  She was still caught up in her own emotional
downfall and performing for thousands of fans that were seeking the same
dream she had did not please her.  She enjoyed putting on a show for
*NSYNC's fans with hopes that some were also Innosense's fans, but she was
also aware that most of the girls had dreams of being with each member of
*NSYNC.  That was not a good thing.  One day, they would have to become
aware of the same thing that Nikki had to come to terms with.
		A tune entered Nikki's mind with a clear ring.  She sighed uncontrollably.
  The song pierced her mind without her desire and now she knew it would
stay.  The fact that it related to her own dilemma with J.C. only pained her
more.  She drug her fingers through her hair and exhaled heavily.  She
puckered her lips while thinking of the lyrics to the song she had sang so
many times before.  She felt herself rolling her eyes and watching the rain
falling a little softer.

	I want you hear today babe
	Too far away, it's not fair
	To be around you when I needed you
	I wish for you more and more
	The nights are long and days are cold
	They're always warmer when you're here

	I wish you were right here with me
	Cause out my window
	All I see is...

	Rain, rain in the sky
	Everywhere I look I just see
	Rain, rain falling down
	Crying as it hits the ground
	Rain, rain in my heart
	Every day that we're apart

		Nikki sighed louder.  "Damn, I wish it would stop raining." Nikki
complaied softly, drawing her hand over the fabric of the couch.  "Why do
you want it to stop raining Peaches?" a voice wondered as a male sat down
next to Nikki.  Nikki's head quickly snapped in the direction of the man,
her interest flared.  She stared into J.C.'s icy blue eyes and felt her
heart tremble.  It was not an easy task for Nikki to actually stare into
J.C.'s eyes, especially not after the realization she received the day
before.  It never came as a simple thing for her.
		"It reminds me of crying." Nikki answered J.C., sinking further into the
couch as she spoke.  She took her eyes from his and looked back out the
large window before her.  J.C. slipped closer to his ex-girlfriend, laying a
hand on her crossed legs and smiling at her.  "Well, I don't want to see you
cry Peaches." J.C. whispered, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her
infinitely close to his warm body.  He brushed his hand over her soft hair
and then laced his fingers in it.  She was cold near him, failing to give up
any emotion.  "It's kind of hard not to when you realize that your
ex-boyfriend doesn't care for you the same way you did for him." Nikki let
the statement slip out of her mouth, and without a doubt, she regretted it.
		Nikki sensed J.C. go stiff around her.  She cursed herself for admitting
her emotions.  She knew J.C. was not prepared for it.  He couldn't have been
expected it.  Nikki was sure he didn't want to hear it.  He probably didn't
care for her like he cared for Justin.  There was too much pain and too many
complications when it came to their past love life.  The past was a history
never to be repeated.
		And then, J.C. was warm again.  He hugged Nikki closer and brushed his
incoming beard against Nikki's velvety skin.  He surprised himself with his
ability to take in the information without considering all the factors.
"Tell me how you feel Peaches." J.C. requested softly, kissing the lobe of
Nikki's ear in a friendly manner.  Nikki felt her blood rush to her heart
and her body soon felt a tingling sensation.  She sighed amicably.  "I don't
want to get hurt again, Josh." Nikki whispered.  She placed her hand on
J.C.'s chest and carelessly tried to push him back.  She failed.  Her hand
would not let her push him back.  She only stood fast.  "Nikki, do you care
for me the way you used to?" J.C. asked with care in his voice.  He now ran
his fingers over Nikki's face.  He had to know.
		Nikki lifted her eyes from her lap and sighed.  She tried to resist saying
anything.  Her heart told her it would be wrong to enter into this battle
with love in her eyes.  "Yes." she finally muttered.  She thought to bring
up Justin and what was actually happening between the two.  She thought to
ask if J.C. would end up leaving Justin and marrying Nick.  She wondered if
it was possible that Nick would become Nick Chasez and Nikki and Justin's
hearts would be left to rot in the battlefield.  None of these questions
made it across her lips as she again stared into J.C.'s solid blue eyes.
She watched as he leaned closer to her.  "Peaches, I'm starting to have
those feelings too." J.C. admitted.  Before Nikki could protest and rethink
every word she had said to J.C., he closed his lips over hers and began to
kiss her the way he once did when they were a couple.  The astonishment of
the embrace, the intimate kiss, did not stop Nikki from returning the kiss
and showing J.C. what she meant by her words.  J.C. loved it and continued
to kiss his ex-girlfriend as the rain slowly and softly appeared.


						TO BE CONTINUED...

*** Well things just keep getting hotter and hotter, eh?  It's the summer of
spice for me!  HAH!  No, but really, as you can see, no one actually knows
where they are going with their feelings right now and that's how it's going
to be for a minute.  I can see the hate mail already pouring in about J.C.'s
actions and his thoughts and who everyone thinks he should be with.  Well
I'm still deciding that, so give it time.  I'm already starting on my next
story!  That's right, college doesn't slow me down, which is cool.  Anyway,
I'm making this short people.  Continue to support Innosense and I hope to
see ya for the next story!  Oh yeah, tell me what you thought about this
one.  It's short, the way I'm trying to make it.  It makes it easier for me.
  No pressure.  One more thing, out of morbid curiosity, I looked at who got
nominated for the Awards.  I was highly disappointed that people like
DCKevin, Nsyncgrrl, and MANY other good authors didn't get nominated.  Oh
well, I STILL love their work and we don't need awards to tell us that.
Keep the love real ya'll... ***