Date: Thu, 07 Oct 1999 23:50:56 EDT
From: D LS <dls_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian & Me Parts 60-63

Before we get to the good stuff, there are a few things to take care of.
Many of you will undoubtedly skip all of this and go right to the story,
and shame on you! :)

First, this is a pretty long one.  It covers quite a bit of ground, and was
originally intended to be two separate installments, but because of
something that I'm planning in a few installments, I'm lumping it all into
one.

The next one will probably be out in a few days, again because I'm trying
to get somewhere fast. :P Someone's waiting on me, and I can't keep him
waiting much longer.

This story is a complete work of fiction.  All (and I mean *all*) of the
characters are just that - characters.  It is not meant to imply anything
about anyone.  While a few of the characters are loosely based on people
that I actually know, none of them are meant to represent anyone.  While we
may wish that some of the Backstreet Boys are gay, and while some of them
may even be gay, I'm not going to be the one pointing the finger at them.

As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning
sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere
else.  And if you are such a person, what the hell are you doing here in
the first place?

Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of thing,
please don't. Or do, just don't get caught and feel *very* guilty.;)

If any of the BSB happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?),
feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.

I will take a moment to point out the few stories that I make time to read,
in between bursts of writing.  If you haven't already, check out "Adam,
Zach, and BSB" by EG, "Search and Rescue" by Matt, and "Lucky Me" by
Lauren.  All three are great stories, and all three authors have become
good friends of mine.  :)

I am going to single out two people.  My editors, who both go a long way to
restore my faith in humanity when it's shaken.  EG has been incredibly
helpful with his comments and humour, and is just all-around fun to talk
to. :) And JB's the first person that I met through this story, and one of
the biggest reasons that I'm glad I posted it in the first place. He's just
so gosh-darn adorable. :P

Okay then, enough of my blabbering for now.  As always, comments and
suggestions are more than welcome.  Drop me a line at
dls_stories@hotmail.com

Enjoy!


	PART 60

	I kept glancing across the seat as we drove, making sure that Brian
really was there.  My head was swimming with everything that had happened.

	I smiled at the love that I saw in Brian's face everytime he
noticed me looking at him, and at the knowledge that he could see the same
thing in my own.

	"Why are you looking at me?" he asked, glancing from the road to me
and offering me a smile.

	"Just want to make sure that you're still there," I said.

	"Well I am, and I'm not going anywhere without you," he answered,
dropping his hand from the wheel and putting it on my thigh.  "Are you sure
you don't want to just go home?  You look pretty tired."

	I rested my hand on his and nodded.  "I'm sure.  You and I have a
lot to talk about, and I want it to just be the two of us.  Andy and Erron
will both be back at the apartment, and if I know either one of them as
well as I think I do, they'll be up when we get back."

	Brian smiled and turned at my directions.  I had him pull over into
a small parking lot, then told him to change seats with me and let me
drive.

	"Why?" he asked, releasing his seatbelt.  "Am I that bad of a
driver?"

	I laughed.  "It's not that," I said, kissing his cheek.  "But I
would kill for a coffee right now, and if we go through the drive through
with you driving, you're going to be recognised.  Do you have any idea how
many teenage girls work in coffee places?"

	Brian thought about it for a moment, then nodded his agreement.  He
got out of his side and I slid across the seat, rebuckling my seatbelt and
waiting for him to get in.  Once he was fastened in, and we had stolen
another kiss, I pulled out of the lot and headed for the nearest Tim
Horton's.

	As we pulled up to the window, Brian leaned away from the driver's
side and pretended to be asleep.  As predicted, the girl who handed me the
tray of coffee and the box of doughnuts looked to be about fifteen, and
probably would have screamed her head off had she known the a Backstreet
Boy was going to be eating a doughnut that she had actually touched.

	I thanked her politely and paid her, telling her to keep the change
and earning myself a huge smile from her.  Pulling away, I leaned over a
little and pinched Brian's cheek.  "You can wake up now, sweetie," I
laughed.

	"I'm glad you made me pull over," he said, perking up in his seat
and taking the tray that I was trying to balance on my knee while I drove.
"If she had seen me, it would have been all over by morning, and that's
definitely not something that we need."

	"But you would have given her the biggest thrill of her young
life," I grinned.  "Unless, of course, she's met Ricky Martin."  I started
to laugh at the indignant look on his face.

	"What's Ricky Martin got that I don't have?"

	"Oooh.  Those hips," I swooned with a laugh.

	"Nate!" Brian said, smacking me in the leg.  "I come all this way
to see you, and this is what I get?" he asked with a smile.

	"Relax," I said, grinning at him.  "You've got something far better
that he doesn't have a chance of ever getting."

	"And what, praytell, is that?"

	"Me," I said, patting his leg.

	"Well, I suppose that's something," Brian said, pretending to
consider it.  "But I'd trade you in a second to get a little of that hip
action."

	"Is that so?" I laughed.  "Well then, you can just forget about
having any of my doughnuts."

	Brian stuck his lower lip out and started to whimper.  "Please?"

	"Okay, okay," I laughed.  "Anything to keep you from looking that
stupid.  I like you pretty."

	Brian grinned and attacked the box that the doughnuts were in.
"You could wait until we're out of the car," I said, smacking his hands.
	Brian stopped trying to get at the food and sat back in his seat,
resting his hand on my thigh again.  Just the touch of his hand was enough
to make me smile.  It felt so good to be back with him again.

	I made a couple of turns and finally pulled into a small parking
lot.  "We're here," I announced, killing the engine and taking out the
keys.

	"Where's here?"  Brian asked, looking around.

	"You'll see," I said cryptically, arching my eyebrows and getting
out, making sure that I had the box so that Brian wasn't at it as soon as
he closed his door.  "Bring the coffee, or I really will have to trade you
in," I laughed.

	Brian grinned and got out of the car, and I locked the doors with
the button on the keychain.  Balancing the tray he was carrying in one
hand, he reached out tentatively and took my hand with the other.

	"It's okay," I said.  "No one's usually here at night.  At least,
they never used to be."  I gave his hand a squeeze and started across the
grass in front of us.

	"Is this a park?" Brian asked as he tried to make out the shadowy
objects around us.

	"Playground, actually," I answered, leading him in the right
direction.  "I used to come here when I was younger and I needed somewhere
to think.  After dark, it's pretty much deserted."

	"Good, because I don't know how much longer I can go without a
kiss," Brian said, leaning his head against my shoulder.

	"What are you talking about?" I asked as we reached our
destination.  I set the box on the ground and turned to face him.  "I just
gave you a kiss."

	"No, you gave me a peck.  I want a kiss," he said putting the tray
beside the doughnuts and turning back to me.  Reaching out, he took both of
my hands in his own.  "Now come here."

	Brian pulled me into an embrace and brought his lips to mine.  A
second later, I felt his tongue slipping against my lips and opened them to
receive it.  As our tongues met and entwined, circling around each other, I
brought my hands to the small of his back and pulled him tighter to me, not
wanting to let him go.

	After a few moments, Brian started to pull away, trying to catch
his breath.  "Now that's a kiss," he said with a smile.

	I smiled and nodded my agreement.  "I missed that.  I missed you."

	Brian lay his head against my chest.  "I missed you too."

	With a sigh, I smoothed his hair back from his forehead.  "Well, I
guess we should get this over with."  I pulled away from him a little and
looked down at him.

	"Are you sure?" Brian asked, still holding me.  "I don't want you
to do this if you're not sure.  I learned that lesson already."

	"Brian," I said, kissing his forehead.  "I'm sure.  This is why I
came here in the first place.  And don't you dare start apologising for
what happened the other night.  We're past that."

	"Okay," Brian replied, nodding.  "But if it's too hard, promise
you'll stop.  I don't want to hurt you anymore."

	"I promise, but I really think it's going to be okay," I soothed,
holding him to me.  "Let's sit down.  We're going to be here for a while."

	"All right," Brian said, releasing me and picking up his coffee.
"Can I have something to eat now?"

	I laughed and handed him the box, then sat down on one of the
swings that we had stopped at.  Brian managed to get his hands on a
doughnut and he also sat, offering me the box.

	"Maybe in a bit," I said, declining.  Brian nodded and set it
aside, waiting patiently for me to begin.  We sat in silence for a while,
as I decided where I wanted to start.  Finally coming to a decision, I
started to talk, using my toes to swing myself back and forth gently.

	"When I was in public school, I was very withdrawn.  I had friends,
was even what you would call marginally popular, I suppose, but I just
didn't like to speak up in class.  I couldn't bring myself to talk to the
teacher unless I was asked a specific question."

     "I was a lot like that," Brian nodded.

	"At that time, I knew that I was different, but I hadn't really
learned what it meant to be gay, so I didn't put the label on myself.  I
couldn't bring myself to have a girlfriend, even when everyone else around
me started to really get into that kind of thing.  In fact, I didn't have a
girlfriend until I was in high school," I said with a smile, remembering.
Brian looked surprised but he didn't say anything, preferring to let me get
to it in my own time.

     "Anyway," I continued.  "Instead of speaking, I would write stories.
That way I could have my characters be any way I wanted, and I didn't have
to think about how they would react.  I got to build a perfect little world
where I controlled everything and everyone.  I didn't have to worry.

     "One day in fourth grade, I was working on a little story during math
class.  My math teacher was wandering around the room while he asked
questions.  When he got to my desk and noticed what I was working on, he
confiscated my papers and asked to see me after school."

     "Busted," Brian laughed.

     "Big-time," I agreed.  "When I spoke to him after the bell had gone,
he sat me down opposite his desk.  He took the papers out of his drawer and
handed them back to me.  He then told me that he had read what I had
written, which sent my heartbeat racing."

     "Why the reaction?" Brian asked.

     "Well, let's just say that the story featured an all-male cast," I
said with a grin.  "Nothing dirty, but not a girl to be seen."

     "So what did your teacher say?"

     "He saw my reaction, and he came around the side of the desk.  He sat
with me and told me that he had made an appointment for me to see the
guidance counsellor the next day during math class.  He had shown my story
to him, and they had agreed that I should come and talk to him.

     "I almost fainted right there.  No one went to the guidance counsellor
unless there was something seriously wrong.  My teacher sat with me and
told me that there was nothing to worry about, and that the counsellor just
wanted to talk to me.  There was no need to tell my parents anything.

     "That just panicked me even more.  It implied that there *was*
something to tell my parents, but they weren't going to yet."

     "Can they do that?" Brian asked.  "Just phone up your parents?"

     "No doubt they can," I nodded.  "But they didn't, as far as I ever
found out.  I went to the guidance counsellor the next day, and he sat me
down on a nice comfortable couch and started asking me all kinds of
questions about my story.  Why there were no girls there, why the two main
characters were holding hands, that kind of thing.  All I could do was
shrug and tell him that it was just the way the story came out.

     "Finally, I think he believed me.  He was still concerned about it -
that much was obvious - but he didn't make a big deal about it.  Instead he
carefully explained to me that it was improper to have boys acting the way
they did in the story, and that if I was going to continue writing, I
needed to work on including boys and girls in it."

     "That's bullshit!" Brian exclaimed.  "Why didn't he just put a
dead-lock on your closet door?"

     I nodded.  "I know what you're saying.  But he knew it was the right
button to press.  I loved to write, and so I took his advice.  I started to
write nice wholesome stories of little boys with crushes on blushing little
girls.  All flowers and clouds and fluffy bunnies.  Once they made sure
that I was 'alright,' my teacher and the counsellor asked me if I would
like to start reading my stories to the class.

     "I think they had different motives for doing that.  For my
counsellor, it was a way for me to get positive feedback on my new stories,
and reinforce the idea that they were the proper way for young people to
act.  But my teacher just wanted me to come out of my shell a little more,
I think.  He made time for me, and a couple of other students who liked to
write, every week so that we could read our stories to the class.  He also
signed me up in a writer's workshop for children my age."

     "Sounds like a pretty good guy, I guess," Brian commented.

     "Yeah," I agreed.  "He did a lot to nurture the writer in me.  He saw
how much I loved it, and made sure I had an opportunity to explore it."

     "So you stopped writing stories about boys?" Brian asked.

     "Well, I stopped writing them in school," I laughed.  "As much as I
tried, I just couldn't get into the stories that I read to the class.  They
just didn't ring true for me.  So, when I was at home, I would write
stories that did ring true.  Still completely innocent, but definitely
nothing with straight relationships in them.

     "Anyway," I continued, "I kept writing all through public school.  I
didn't read my stuff to the class after fourth grade, since I changed
teachers, but I kept writing it.  Once I started high school, though, I
stopped writing altogether for awhile."

     "Why did you do that?" Brian asked, leaning forward a little.

     "Something happened during my first month of high school that sort of
destroyed whatever fragile hold I had on my sexuality, and it screwed me up
for a long time," I said.

     I leaned forward and grabbed my cup of coffee from the tray it was
sitting in.  This was the part where things got interesting, and I wasn't
at all looking forward to telling it.  I was reasonably sure that I could
get through it, but suddenly wasn't sure I *wanted* to.  Perhaps sensing
this, Brian leaned over, laying his hand on my arm.

     "You don't have to Nate," he said.  "I appreciate it and all, but you
don't have to talk about it."

     "No," I said.  "I think I do have to.  If you'll listen?"

     "Of course I will," he smiled and leaned back , swinging side to side
a little so that we almost touched each time he came my way.  "If you want
to tell me, of course I'll listen."

     I smiled back at him and settled back with my coffee.  Taking a sip, I
continued with my story.  "Well, when I started high school, I was totally
in the closet.  I knew that I liked boys, but I wasn't sure that I *liked*
them, you know?  I had my head telling me that I did, and everyone else
that I came into contact with telling me that I had to grow up and marry a
girl and start a family and live happily ever after."

     "I know," Brian said, nodding.

     "Well, near the end of my first week of school, I was walking down the
hall on my way to English class when I heard a bunch of people yelling from
the landing above me.  I looked up just in time to avoid being hit with a
backpack that someone threw down the stairs.

     "A minute later, a group of upper-year students appeared on the
landing, pushing another kid.  They finally got him to the edge of the
stairs and pushed him off.  He fell, rolling over a couple of times, and
landed at my feet as they laughed and pointed at him, calling him names."

     "That's horrible," Brian said quietly.  He stopped swinging altogether
and looked at me.

     "Yeah," I agreed.  "I bent over him to see if he was alright, and he
started clutching at me, making sure that I wouldn't let them get him
again.  My English teacher came out to see what all of the noise was about,
and then ran to call for the school nurse.  The kid - his name was Jack -
wouldn't let go of me and started to cry, so my teacher excused me from
class and I went with him to the nurse's office.  They had managed to
separate his shoulder, and he had a black eye for quite a while, but he was
lucky he wasn't hurt more than he was."  I brought my hand up and wiped at
a stray tear that had started to fall at the memory.

     "After that, Jack and I became really close.  It didn't take long for
it to become obvious why the other students had been harrassing him.  Jack
was a little, well, effeminate.  Everyone in the school thought he was gay,
and he had drawn down the wrath of the muscle-heads on the football team."

     "Was he gay?" Brian asked.

     "No, but that didn't matter.  Well, it did matter, but not until
later.  After the jocks decided he was, most of the school stopped speaking
to him.  Since I was his friend, most of them stopped talking to me too,
and everyone started to whisper about me and Jack being lovers."

     "Shit," Brian whispered.

     I nodded.  "You can say that again.  What made matters worse was that
I started to develop a crush on him.  And since no one else wanted anything
to do with us, we were thrown together a lot.  One thing Jack did for me
was help me sort out my feelings.  Having feelings for him made me realise
that I really was gay.

     "Now normally this was the sort of stress that I would write out.  I'd
spend a few hours at my desk and stand up again feeling much better.  I
still do that today, as I've told you before.  But I couldn't do that with
this.  I couldn't write stories about hetero relationships, since I was
falling in love with Jack, and I couldn't write about homo relationships
because it felt like I was validating what everyone at school was saying
about me."

     "So you stopped writing altogether," Brian concluded.

     "That's exactly what I did.  But I still didn't have an outlet to work
through what I was feeling.  I started to depend more and more on Jack to
make me happy, and he started to realise what was going on, and it put a
lot of stress on our friendship.

     "One night, about three-quarters of the way through the school year, I
was sitting with him in my living room watching TV, as we did most
weekends.  Having no friends kind of limits your options on a Saturday
night," I smiled weakly.  "So we were sitting there, and I just couldn't
take it anymore.  All of the pressure had built up, and I just couldn't.  I
had to do something, so I leaned over and kissed Jack on the cheek."

     Brian gasped a little, then fell silent again.

     "Jack did what you just did," I said.  "Then he freaked.  He started
yelling about how I was a fag and a little homo and how he was going to
tell everyone about me."

     "What an asshole," Brian said angrily.  "Some friend, after everything
you had to go through just because you hung around with him. I hope you
beat the hell out of him."

     I shook my head.  "No, I just sat there and cried."  I could feel the
tears working it's way down my cheek, and I knew that it wouldn't be the
last to fall before I was done.  Taking a breath, I started again.  "I
begged him not to tell anyone, and promised that it would never happen
again if he would just not say anything.  Thankfully, my parents were out
for the evening."

     I fell silent for a moment, taking another drink.  "He told anyway,
didn't he?"  Brian asked.

     "Oh yeah," I said, remembering how hard it was to return to school
that Monday.  "He told everyone who would listen.  Fortunately, that wasn't
a whole lot of people.  Unfortunately, more people listened to those few he
told.  Soon the whole school was talking about it.  I started to dread
going in every morning."

     "I'm sorry Nate," Brian said sadly.  "How did you make it through the
rest of the year?"

     "I almost didn't, but I'll get to that.  My marks took a serious
downturn, since I couldn't concentrate on my work, and my teachers started
to hear the rumours as well.  I'm not saying that they deliberately marked
my stuff harder, but it seemed that way, and they were more distant than
they had been before.  Jack avoided me in the hall, but made sure to take
every opportunity to tell people what had happened.  He got his popularity
from it, I guess.  People were too busy talking about me and pushing me
around to take any notice of him."

     "They hurt you too?" Brian asked, a tear falling from his own eye.

     "Oh yeah," I said, the tears falling freely now.  "During the last
month of school that year, I came home with four bloody noses and a couple
of black eyes.  I had to get really creative with my parents so that they
didn't start questioning too hard.  I told them that there were a few
people at school who had taken a dislike to me, and I was just going to
have to wait until they moved on to someone else.  My mom was going to call
the school, but I talked her out of it.

	"I know you're probably thinking that they should have called
anyway, but there was nothing that they could do without my help.  I
wouldn't tell them who it was, and wouldn't talk to the administration at
the school about it, so their hands were tied.  Besides, by that time I had
already started to draw away from my parents, so they didn't really see or
hear from me a lot.

     "On the last day of school, I wrote my final exams and headed to my
locker to clean out my things for the summer.  I had just opened the door
of my locker when I was picked up from behind.  Three of the worst of the
football players had decided to have a little fun before they left for
college.

	"No," Brian whispered.

     "They carried me into the washroom, and started to harrass me.  I
remember thinking vaguely that they might mean to rape me, or force me to
do god-knows-what to them.  Instead, they threw me down on the floor, then
started to kick me over and over again, calling me every name they could
think of.  I don't know how long they were at it, because I sort of blacked
out for awhile.  I think they got scared when they saw that and they ran
away, leaving me in a heap on the bathroom floor."

     "Oh my god," Brian said, wiping at his eyes.  "Jesus, Nate."

     I sighed and rubbed at my own eyes, running my fingers through my hair
and trying to calm myself down.  I had come this far, I was going to see it
through.  "When I woke up," I said quietly, "my one eye had swollen shut
and I couldn't really put much weight on my one leg."  Reaching up, I
pushed back my hair from my temple a little, pointing to a scar there.
"That's where I got this," I said.  "There are a few others, too."

	"I'd noticed that, of course," Brian said, leaning over and running
his fingertip across the thin white line.  "I just never thought anything
of it."

	"Why would you?" I asked, taking his hand and kissing it.
"Everyone's got a scar or two just from growing up.  You had no way of
knowing."

	"I'm sorry, Nate," he said, running his hand through my hair,
straightening it again and covering the scar.  "I'm so sorry that you had
to go through that."

	I smiled for him briefly, comforted by the love and compassion I
heard in his voice.  In that moment, I knew that Brian would have gladly
gone back and switched places with me, just to avoid my being hurt.  "I
know you are," I said, patting his hand.  Not knowing what else to say, I
held onto his hand and continued, drawing strength from the knowledge that
he loved me, and was there with me.

	"When I left the bathroom, I found that there was no one in the
halls.  I limped back to my locker and saw that someone had decided to
throw all of my things into the hall, and my books and clothes were strewn
all over the floor.

     "I decided that I didn't really care about most of it, so I just
grabbed my jacket and backpack and kicked the rest out of the way as I
hobbled out of the building.  I must have been in the washroom a good long
time, because most of the cars were gone from the staff parking lot by the
time I left.

     "I hailed a cab and went home, trying desperately not to cry.  Both of
my parents were out when I got there, so I went straight to my room,
finally losing my composure.  I cried myself to sleep, as I had on a lot of
nights before.

     "My parents just assumed that I was tired from studying for my exams,
so they never even came to check on me.  I woke up from a nightmare
sometime in the early hours of the morning, and suddenly everything was
clear.  I couldn't take it anymore, and there was no end of it in sight.  I
had just finished my first year of high school, which meant I had at least
three more years of this to look forward to.

	"I got up and snuck into my parent's bathroom, being careful not to
wake either of them, and took my father's painkillers down out of the
medicine cabinet."

     "No," Brian whispered.  "Please tell me you didn't."

     I broke down completely then.  I had underestimated the emotion
involved in telling all of this to Brian.  Telling Erron had been
different.  He was a loved one, but he wasn't the one I loved.  The
connection between Brian and I was very different, and in addition to the
pain that I felt, I could also sense his own, and it caught me off guard.
I couldn't hold back the sobs that were threatening, and I just hung my
head and cried for a few minutes.  Brian got up from his swing and came
around behind me, putting his arms around me, holding me while I let it
out.  I cried for several minutes, my head resting back against his chest,
until I had worked through the worst of it.

     "Sorry," I said with a sniffle.  "That one kind of snuck up on me."

     "You don't have to apologise, Nate.  Not now, not ever," Brian said
soothingly. "But I think we should stop now."

     "No," I said, wiping at my eyes.  It didn't do much good but it made
me feel marginally better.  "I've got to tell you the rest of it. I think I
need to," I said, sitting up and sniffling.  "I need to do it."

     "Okay," Brian agreed, then fell silent, waiting for me to find the
words to continue.  Making sure that I was going to be okay, he reluctantly
released me and sat back down, taking a sip from his cup.

     "My father happened to wake up early that morning, and noticed my
bedroom door was open.  He found me curled up on my bed with the pill
bottle still in my hand," I said softly.  I was still crying freely, but my
voice was almost steady as I spoke.

     "He started screaming, which woke my mother up, and he got her to call
911.  If he hadn't had trouble sleeping that night, I wouldn't be here
talking to you," I said.  "The doctors said that if I had been much later
getting to them, there would have been nothing that they could do for me."

     Brian was speechless.  He just sat there looking at me with horror in
his eyes.

     "Once I started to recover, my parents demanded to know what was going
on, but I refused to talk about it.  They did call the school then, since
it was obvious from the look of me that there had been more going on than I
had let on, but since I hadn't reported the harrassment, there was really
nothing that the school officials could tell them.  They promised to look
into the matter, but since the vacation had started, they couldn't really
do much without my help.

	"The hospital set up counselling sessions for me, in the hope that
I would be able to talk about it with someone."

     "Did you?"

     "Not at first," I said.  "It took him several weeks just to get me to
look him in the eye when I spoke to him.  He was wonderful, though, and
very patient.  Eventually, he got me to open up a little bit, and once that
happened, I found myself telling him everything.  I told him about my
feelings for Jack and what he had done, about the harrassment at school,
about that final day that led me to my father's medicine cabinet.

     "I started seeing him on a regular basis.  Since I knew that he
couln't tell my parents what we talked about, he was the only safe outlet I
had.  He encouraged me to tell them what was going on, but I just couldn't
bring myself to do it, and he gradually backed off.  He talked to them, and
made them understand that I was going to be alright, then encouraged them
to make arrangements to have me attend a different high school the
following year.

     "They were still anxious to know what had happened, but once they saw
the change in my manner, that lost some of it's urgency for them.  I was
supposed to spend that summer being an intern at my father's office, but
instead I attended counselling sessions and recouperated.  By the end of
the summer, I was much better, and my parents were getting used to the idea
that I wasn't going to tell them what had happened.  It was hard for them,
since we had been pretty close before everything that had happened, but I
wouldn't budge."

     "You never told them?" Brian asked softly.

     I shook my head.  "There was no way to tell them without actually
admitting everything to them, and I just couldn't bring myself to do that.
I almost did, but that's something I'll get to, I think."

     Brian nodded his understanding.  "So you changed schools?"

     "Yeah.  In the fall I started at a small private school where I was a
stranger to everyone.  I got the chance to make a clean break of everything
and start over, and I took it."

     "And you started to write again?"

     "That's one of the first things that I did," I said.  "Once my
therapist found out about it, he encouraged me to start again, and try to
work out my emotions that way rather than hold them inside, since I didn't
feel comfortable talking about them with anyone else.  He gave me explicit
instructions to write only what I wanted to, and not to write for anyone
but myself.

     "So I started to write again, and I made some new friends.  That's
probably the best part of it.  Gradually, my problems started to seem less
monolithic and much more manageable, and I became a much happier person.
There was still a lot that I had to deal with, but for once I actually
believed that I could handle it.

     "My new friends accepted me, no questions asked.  There was no one
waiting to laugh at me in the halls or push me around on the stairs, and I
got my self-confidence back," I smiled as I remembered what it was like to
be able to be in a crowd without wondering who was going to start pushing
you around.  "Though I still couldn't bring myself to tell them that I was
gay."

     Brian returned the smile, relieved to see the change in my manner.
"And that's when you met your little girlfriend," he said with a smile.

     "I guess you could say that," I said.  "My parents were starting to
get suspicious about what was going on, so I started seeing this girl named
Kate.  We were really good friends, but disastrous on dates.  I just
couldn't bring myself to make any sort of move on her.  Eventually, she
decided that it must be because I didn't want to ruin the friendship, so we
broke it off.  My parents backed off after that, letting me nurse my
'broken heart'.

     "I dated a little here and there throughout high school, but nothing
ever happened with anyone.  I kissed a girl once, but it was such a flop
that she never asked for another one," I smiled.

	Brian leaned over to me with a smile.  "She didn't know what she
was missing," he said softly.  "You're an incredible kisser."

	I returned the smile, thankful for the levity.  "It helps when
you're attracted to the one you're kissing," I told him, giving him a wink.

     "Things went pretty well right up until my final year.  I had great
friends, was pretty popular, and my grades were really good.  Everything
was going well until that fall."

     "Your parents," Brian whispered, remembering.

     "Yeah.  They were coming back from a party, and their car was hit
broadside by an eighteen-wheeler.  The doctors say they were killed
instantly.  Oddly enough, that's what I found comfort in."

     "But at the same time, you didn't get a chance to say goodbye," Brian
said sadly.  "I can't imagine having to deal with something like that."

	"There's more to it than that," I said.  "We had argued right
before they left.  My father wanted me to work for him at the office for
the summer, and I wanted to attend a writer's workshop instead.  During our
argument, I had finally told him that I wanted to go to university and take
English rather than the business courses that he was pushing for.

	"That just set him off.  We yelled back and forth at each other for
a while, my mother trying unsuccessfully to play the peacemaker between us.
The only thing that put a stop to it was that they realised that they were
going to be late for the party, and since there were going to be important
people there, that was the last thing they wanted.

	"After they left, I had decided that that was the night.  I was
finally going to tell them that I was gay, and take what they decided to
give me.  If they wanted to kick me out of the house, I thought I was
prepared for it.  Of course, looking back, I can see that I wasn't, but try
to get rational thought from a frightened and angry eighteen year old."

	"Shit," Brian whispered.  "That must have just made it worse."

     "Well I'm not going to tell you that it was easy," I sighed, taking
another drink.  "I pretty much spiraled downward for a while afterward."

     "You didn't try to... you know..."

     "No," I said.  "But I did start seeing my therapist again.  He and the
friends that I had made at school kept me from getting too depressed.  I
just felt so guilty and alone."

     "Alone I can understand, but why would you feel guilty?" Brian asked.

     "Because I never told them.  I think on some level they both knew that
I was gay, but nothing was ever said.  Even more than from my pushing them
away, they had both been really distant after I got out of the hospital,
and I always felt that they had figured it out and were ashamed of me."

     "I'm sure that wasn't it, Nate."

     "You didn't know my parents, Brian," I reminded him.  "We were a very
close family, but not an entirely loving one.  I always felt like they were
disappointed in me.  I didn't have my father's knack for making money, and
I wasn't anything like my mother.  There was a lot of tension there.

     "Whenever I did something that my father considered out of the
ordinary or impractical, he made sure that I knew about it.  He tolerated
my writing, even encouraged it, as long as it didn't interfere with 'my
future'.  He loved me, but he certainly wasn't a loving man, if you
understand what I mean.  He was a hard man."

     "What did your father do?" Brian asked.  "I thought he was in the
military.  How did he go from there to an office job?"

     "He retired from the military when I was twelve," I explained.  "He
trained as a broker and worked at a big firm downtown.  When I showed no
signs of enlisting or starting a stock portfolio, he lost interest, and I
gravitated toward my mother.

     "After my father started making enough money, she quit her job as a
music teacher and stayed at home full-time.  That was shortly before my
infamous grade nine year.  When I got home from the hospital, she used to
make excuses to be out of the house.  She didn't really have anywhere to
be, but I knew she didn't want to be with me.

     "Gradually, things got a little better.  Once they saw that I wasn't
going to try to kill myself again, they relaxed a little, but there was
still a distance that hadn't been there before, and I felt that it wasn't a
result of the distancing that I had been doing.  This was entirely their
doing.  I knew that they wouldn't accept my being gay, so I never told
them, and the distance remained.  It stayed there until they were killed.
I never got a chance to tell them about how I felt, or how much I wished
that they would love me for who and what I was," I said, blinking back the
tears in my eyes.

     "Afterwards," I said quietly, "I blamed myself for that distance.  It
took a lot of therapy sessions for me to come to understand that my fears
about what would have happened if I had told them were legitimate, and that
I had to stop beating myself up about it."

     Brian nodded.  "You were afraid that it would move you further away
from them," he said.  "That's not your fault, and it's not theirs.  It's
just something that you didn't get to resolve before they died."

     "I know that now," I said.  "But it really doesn't make it any easier.
Don't you see?  I never even gave them the chance to react.  I just assumed
that they would take it badly, and then they were gone."

     "Nate," Brian said.  "You were looking out for yourself.  Look at what
you'd already been through.  No one could blame you for not wanting to take
the chance of having your parents reject you.  Not after what had happened
to you."

     "I know," I said.  "It took me a long time to understand that, but I
do now.  But after they died, I started to come unglued a little.  Nothing
like before, but I just didn't want to deal with being different anymore.
At school, I became the kid whose parents had just died.  It seemed like
everything I was was wrapped up in that.

	"I was an adult, so I was able to take control of my parent's
estate, and I stayed in the apartment, trying to retain whatever normalcy I
could.  My friends tried to help me out, but it just made me feel worse
knowing that I couldn't tell them either."

     "But you finished school.  How did you manage it?"

     "With a lot of help," I sighed.  "My teachers cut me some slack
because of the accident, and I was able to retake a couple of tests that I
did poorly on.  My friends came over to help me get through the classes
that I missed.

     "By the end of the school year, I was making some progress in moving
on with my life.  Without my father to piss and moan about it, I enrolled
at the University of Toronto as an English major, deciding that I wanted to
write professionally."

     "So when did you meet Andrea?"  Brian asked.  "The way the two of you
act, I would have guessed that you'd known each other forever."

     "I met her on my very first day at university," I laughed, remembering
how it had happened.  "Someone butted in front of me in the registration
line.  Seeing that I wasn't going to say anything, she came up and tapped
him on the shoulder, then proceeded to yell at him for making everyone else
in line wait.  By the time she was done with him, he was slinking off into
the corner," I grinned.

     "That sounds like her," Brian agreed.

     "Yeah, but then she introduced herself to me, and managed to butt into
line that way, after yelling at the other guy," I laughed.

     "That sounds even more like her," Brian chuckled.

     "After that, we just sort of clicked.  She lived in the same residence
that I did, a couple of floors up from me.  We saw each other a lot, and
after second year, we decided to move out of residence and get an apartment
together.  Her parents were footing the bill for her living arrangements,
and I could definitely afford to go with her, with the money my parents and
grandparents had left me.

	"And since I know that Nick read my essay, I'm sure you did too.
So you know the rest of it," I said, relaxing a little and finishing my
coffee.  Swallowing, I took a deep breath and let it out, sinking down a
little in the canvas seat of the swing.

	"Nate," Brian said, coming over and hugging me, planting a kiss on
my temple.  "Thank you.  Thank you for telling me about it.  I'm sorry you
had to go through it alone."

	I kissed him briefly.  "I'm not alone now, and that's all that
matters.  And thank you for being the kind of person that I can talk to.  I
love you."

	"I love you too," Brian said, hugging me again.

	I reached up and put my hands on his shoulders, pulling him down
until he was sitting a little sideways on my lap.  "I know," I whispered,
hugging him tightly.

	"Nate?"

	"Hmmmm?"

	"Whatever happened to Jack?"  he asked, looking at me.

	"Well," I said.  "He's married with a couple of kids now.  He's
still living here somewhere.  I actually ran into him a few years ago when
I was in my last year of university."

	Brian started a little at that.  "What happened?"

	"Andrea and I were walking through the park and I spotted him
sitting at a picnic table with another guy.  I stopped in my tracks, which
made Andrea ask what was going on.  Once I told her and pointed him out for
her, I had to hold her back from going over there and beating him to a
pulp."

	"I can understand the feeling," Brian said lowly, picturing it.

	I patted his knee, touched at the concern in his voice.  "Instead,
we calmly walked over and I said hello.  Jack looked surprised to see me,
and introduced us to the man, who turned out to be his brother-in-law.  He
stood up and tried to give me a hug, like we were old friends."

	"That takes a lot of nerve," Brian said.

	I nodded.  "He looked confused when I pulled away from him and
wouldn't let him touch me.  His brother-in-law watched it all without
really knowing what was going on.  I asked Jack if he thought that I would
have forgotten what he had done to me, and he just said that we all do
stupid things in high school.  That was it.  'We all do stupid things in
high school.'  No apology or anything."

	"So what did you do?"

	"I hit him.  I didn't know I was going to do it, so I was just as
surprised by it as Jack was.  He fell into the side of the picnic table and
then rolled off onto the grass, staring up at me and holding his nose,
which was already bleeding.  Andrea cheered a little, then dragged me away
from him before I could do anything else.  His brother-in-law never even
moved.  He just sat there while Andrea pulled me back to the path through
the grass."

	"Yay!" Brian said, hugging me.  "At least you got to pay him back
some.  Though it wasn't nearly what he deserved."

	I smiled.  "It did feel pretty good," I admitted.  "That was the
first and the last time that I hit another person."

	"That's because you're a lover, not a fighter," Brian cooed,
kissing my forehead.

	"That's me," I agreed with a smile.

	We were silent for a few more minutes, then Brian cleared his voice
and spoke again.  "So only Andrea, Nick and I know about all of this?"

	"Well, my therapist knows, of course," I said.  "And I told Erron
yesterday, to make sure that I was ready to talk to you.  He was starting
to get a little impatient about it.  Celia and Carrie know that there's
something there, but just that I don't want to talk about it, or have
anything major mentioned in my bio about my past."

	Brian nodded.  "I don't want to push, but are you going to tell the
rest of the guys?  I know that Kevin and Howie are both really curious
about what could get you to leave me so suddenly.  AJ hasn't said much
about it, but I think he's wondering too.  He's about the most curious
person in the band, so it's got to be driving him nuts."

	"Well..."

	"I don't want to pressure you," Brian said quickly.  "You don't
have to say anything if you don't want to.  They'll understand that.  I
just wanted you to know that they were concerned and curious about all of
this."

	"I don't think I really want to go through all of this again right
away," I said, looking up at him.  "But I think I've got a way to tell them
without having to tell them."

	"What's that?"

	"Just a bit of writing I did," I said with a smile.  "You'll see it
later, if you want."

	"Okay," he agreed, nodding.  "However you want to play this, I'm
behind you.  Nick too."

	"I know you are," I said, still smiling.  "Anything else you want
to ask about?"

	"Are you sure?"

	I nodded.  "That's what we're here for, Brian."

	Brian took a breath, then agreed.  "Okay then, I do have a few more
questions about things."  Another breath, this one deeper than before.
"Have you ever tried to... you know... give up, since that time in high
school?"

	"No," I assured him, pulling him a little closer.  "I haven't even
thought about trying something that stupid again.  I finally realised that
there's always *something* worth living for.  It may take a little bit to
find it, but it's there if you look.  Things have never gotten that bad
again, Brian.  And I don't think they *can* get that bad again.  I have a
totally different mindset now than I did then.  That's the last thing you
have to worry about me doing."

	Brian tried to speak, but I saw that he was at a loss for words,
and there were tears coursing down his cheeks.  "Hey," I said, rubbing his
back.  "What's wrong?"

	"I just realised that I almost lost you before I even had the
chance to know you," he whimpered, sniffling.  "I can't imagine what my
life would be like without you, and you almost weren't there."

	"Shhhh," I said, quieting him.  "It's okay Brian.  I'm here.
That's what's important now.  Remember how I felt that first time we were
together, when I saw the scar on your chest?  I was so upset that I could
have lost you before we got together, while I was still upset with you.
Remember what you told me?  You said that we were together now, and that we
had to hold onto that, rather than think about what might have happened."

	Brian calmed a little bit as I spoke, and finally just rested his
head on my shoulder.  "Why don't we just skip the rest of the questions for
now?" I suggested.  "We have the rest of our lives to get to them."

	Brian smiled for me and nuzzled in closer.  "That sounds good.  Do
you want to head home?"

	"Not yet.  There's something else we have to talk about.  I have to
tell you how and why I ended up at the cemetery this afternoon."

	"You don't have to, Nate," Brian said, sitting up and looking at
me.  "Andrea told me that it had something to do with you and your parents.
It doesn't have anything to do with me."

	"You're wrong about that," I said.  "It has everything to do with
you, and I want to tell you if you'll listen."

	"What's with this 'if you'll listen' stuff?" Brian asked, kissing
my again.  "I'd listen to you if you wanted to recite your shopping list.
If you want to tell me about it, then I want to hear it."

	"Okay," I said, taking another breath.  "The dreams started with
Jack and I standing..."

	
	After I finished relating the details of the dream, I told him
about what it meant.  "So everytime you and I got closer, I felt a little
further away from my parents.  The only thing I really had left of what
they wanted for me was the possibility of settling down with a woman and
having a family.

	"Once you and I fell in love, that was in jeopardy, and I started
to have the nightmares, trying to pull away from our relationship before I
completely separated from them.  So, I went to the cemetery to talk to them
and be with them again.  I had to establish that connection again, and get
to the point where I felt that I was justified in taking my life in the
direction I want."

	Brian just sat with me, hugging to me, waiting for me to continue.

	"I sat down and just started to talk to them.  I told them about
what I had been through, and about university and meeting Andrea.  I told
them about my writing, and how I was successful at it, even though it
wasn't what they had planned for me.

	"As I talked about it, I realised that they would probably have
accepted my choices, with enough time.  They wouldn't have been happy,
especially my dad, but he would have gone along with them if I had stood up
for them long enough.

	"And then I told them about you, how sweet and wonderful you are,
and how much I loved you.  That's the one thing that they would have had
the hardest time with.  They really didn't approve of gay relationships,
and wouldn't have known what to do with a gay son.  I started to feel
whatever connection I had remade slipping away then, knowing that they
would never have accepted us, and I started to lose my control.

	"But then you showed up, and you were so perfect and loving.  I
knew that if they had seen you in that moment, they would have understood
about us.  They may not have liked it, or approved, but they would have
seen the love between us, and that's all that would have mattered in the
end, I think.  You'll never know what that meant to me, Brian," I said,
looking him in the eye.  "Thank you so much."

	"I told you before," Brian whispered, kissing me.  "This is where I
belong.  Nowhere else but at your side.  Preferably holding your hand," he
smiled.  I grinned and put my hand in his.  "Now," he said, closing his
hand over mine.  "Are we okay?  Are you going to come back with me?"

	"You just try to stop me," I smiled.

	"Never, sweetie.  Never," he said quietly, looking at me lovingly.
"I'm not letting you out of my sight again."

	"Deal," I agreed, enjoying feeling his weight in my lap.  I put my
arm around him and drew his head down to my shoulder, using my toes to make
the swing move back and forth slightly.

	Looking up at the sky, I saw that the moon had risen and was quite
high in the sky.  I couldn't look at my watch without letting go of Brian,
and since I didn't want to do that, I couldn't see what time it was.
Judging from the height of the moon, I guessed that we had been sitting in
the playground for a couple of hours.

	"You ready to go home, baby?" I asked, squeezing Brian a little and
making him laugh.

	"Who you calling a baby?" he asked, nuzzling into my neck.

	"You," I smiled.  "You're my baby."

	"Does that make you my daddy?" he asked with a chuckle, sitting up.

	"No, that makes me your fabulously beautiful boyfriend," I
answered.  "Now let's go before I'm forced to ravage you right out here in
the open."

	"Oooh," Brian said, arching his eyebrows.  "Now there's a thought."
He leaned back in and started kissing my neck, paying particular attention
to the back of my ear.

	"Brian," I said, turning my head so that I could kiss him.  "Let's
go home, okay?  Andy's probably worried about us by now, and I just want to
get to bed."

	"Your wish is my command," Brian said, getting up with a smile.
Once he was standing, he turned to face me and bowed deeply.  "After you,
milady," he laughed.

	"You better watch it," I said, grabbing the box of doughnuts.  "Or
you'll get a spanking."

	"Promises promises," Brian grinned.  "Now let's get *my* baby home
to bed.

	I took out the car keys and picked up our empty coffee cups.  With
a short stop to deliver them to the nearest garbage can, we were soon back
at the car.  Aiming the keychain and pressing the button, I was rewarded
with a thunk as the doors unlocked and we climbed in.

	As I pulled out into the street again, I thought of something that
Brian and I hadn't talked about.  "Sweetie?"

	"Yes darling?" he answered with a smile.

	"How did you happen to show up here tonight?  Who told you where I
was?  Carrie knew better, and I know Erron and Andrea didn't tell you."

	"You told me," he said mysteriously, then fell silent again,
looking smug.

	"I did not.  I told you that I wouldn't tell you where I was.  How
did you get 'please visit me in Toronto' from that?" I asked, glancing over
at him.

	"Last night on the phone, you said that I shouldn't come because of
my obligation to the guys.  You said that you wished I was with you, but
that Erron and Andrea were there for you.  Since I had already called Erron
yesterday afternoon, I knew where he was.  And if he was there with you, I
knew you had to be here," Brian explained, looking very pleased with
himself.

	I couldn't help but laugh.  "My very own little Sherlock Holmes," I
said.  "But how did you get past Nick?  He was supposed to be watching you
in case you tried something like this."

	"I packed a suitcase while he was in the bathroom, and then this
morning before he got up, I just left.  Don't worry," he said quickly,
seeing that I was about to speak.  "I left a note for the guys, telling
them where I was going and why.  I told them that I would meet them before
the next concert."

	"But you didn't know if I'd be coming back with you."

	"That didn't matter.  I just had to see you.  I was leaving
tomorrow whether you were coming or not.  I have to, to make the concert,
and if I missed that, the press would be all over it."

	I nodded my understanding.  "So what are they doing now?"

	"Right now they're on the bus, heading for the next stop, I
suppose."

	"Which is?"

	"Denver, Colorado," Brian said in a drawl.

	"Bets on whether or not there are phone messages waiting for us?"

	"I don't think they have the number for the apartment," Brian said.

	"But Carrie does, and if you told them where I was, she wouldn't
have any reason to keep it from them," I answered.

	Brian smiled.  "Then Nick and Kevin have both called, at least, and
maybe the other two."

	"Isn't it nice to be loved?" I joked, turning my attention back to
the road.

	"Yes," Brian said seriously.  "It is."  Resting his hand on my
thigh again, he smiled at me and sat back in his seat.


	Brian was asleep when we pulled into the parking garage of my
building, and I hated to wake him.  I turned off the car and just sat,
looking at him.  It occurred to me that he must have been exhausted from
travelling, especially since, with his fear of flying, he wouldn't have
gotten any sleep on the plane.

	Reaching over, I gently shook him.  His eyes popped open and he
smiled.  "Sorry about that," he said softly.

	"Don't be," I said.  "You must be tired after today.  Hell, I'm
exhausted and I didn't even have to travel."

	Brian nodded.  "Not to mention how hard it is to sleep without you
beside me."

	"Oh, I know that feeling," I laughed.  "I had to sleep with Andrea
last night just to get some rest."  Brian arched his eyebrows after hearing
that.  "Don't even think it, sweetie," I said, leaning over to kiss him.

	He laughed and kissed me back.  "Let's go upstairs," he whispered.
"I want to see Andrea, and I just have to meet Erron."

	"Oh yeah, you're going to love him," I laughed.  "He's going to
have to come visit us on tour, because he's really anxious to meet
everyone."

	"Anyone in particular?" Brian asked as we got out of the car and I
locked it again.

	"Nick," I grinned.

	"Should have known," Brian said, pouting.

	"Awww.  You're cute when you're jealous," I laughed.  "I'm sure he
would jump you too, if he didn't know I would claw his eyes out."

	"Well, that makes me feel better," Brian said, breaking into a grin
as the elevators opened.  "It's nice to know that you'd blind someone for
me."

	"In a second," I smiled as we stepped inside and pressed the button
for my floor.  The doors obediently closed and our hands linked together
again.

	When the doors opened on my floor, I held Brian back for a moment,
then peeked outside in the hall, making sure that no one was there.  "One
of our neighbours is a tabloid reader," I explained as we walked from the
elevator to my apartment door.

	Trying it, I found it open and we stepped inside.  The lights were
on in the living room and I could hear the TV going, so I knew that at
least one of our friends were up.

	As it turned out, they were both up, sitting together on the couch
watching some old black and white movie.  As soon as they heard us, though,
the TV went off and they looked expectantly as we walked through the
doorway, hand-in-hand.

	"Well?"  Andrea asked, looking at us.  Erron had his eyes locked on
Brian, apparently unable to believe that he really was standing in our
living room.

	"I leave tomorrow," I said with a smile and a wink.  "We're going
to Denver."

	"Oh sweetie, that's great," Andrea said, grinning.  She got up and
gave me a hug, and then embraced Brian as well.  "Thank you."

	"What did I do?" he asked, hugging her back.  "By the sound of it,
Nate did all the work himself."

	"You loved him," Andrea said, moving back a bit and smiling at him.
"You gave him the time he needed, and you gave him something to come back
to."

	"Well that was the easy part," Brian said shyly.

	"I have a feeling that it was harder for you to do that you're
letting on," Andrea said.  "Otherwise, you'd still be with the rest of the
guys and not standing here with him."

	Brian blushed, but didn't respond.

	"Erron?" I said, trying to get him to stop staring at Brian.
"Aren't you going to at least say hi to Brian?"

	"Uh... hi," Erron said, standing from the couch and offering his
hand to Brian.  Brian smiled and took his hand, pulling Erron into a hug.
"It's nice to finally meet Nate's other boyfriend," he laughed.  "Thanks
for being here for him, and thanks for helping us be together."

	"No problem," Erron sputtered, obviously overjoyed at being hugged
by a Backstreet Boy, even if it wasn't Nick.

	"See Bri?" I said with a smirk.  "I told you he'd jump you if it
weren't for me being here."

	Erron released Brian and jumped back from him.  "You told him
what?"

	I started to laugh, and soon Brian had joined me.  "We were talking
in the car about your little crush on Nick, and Brian seemed a little
jealous that you didn't like him.  I just told him that, if I wasn't ready
to fight for him, you'd snap him up in a second."

	"I can't believe you said that!" Erron exclaimed, blushing.  "I'm
so embarrassed!"

	"Relax, Erron," Brian said, putting his hand on Erron's shoulder.
"Don't worry about it.  We were just joking around.  And I won't tell Nick
anything about it.  Things will be totally cool when you come visit us on
tour."

	"*When* I come visit?"

	"Yep.  We'll have to fly you down to spend some time with us and
the guys.  You can have a little vacation and get to know everyone.  It'll
be good to have the two of you together for a few press functions too, if
you don't mind."  Brian gave Erron his best smile.  The one that he used to
melt my heart and get his way every time.

	"As long as I get to meet Nick, that's fine," Erron said, then
blushed some more.  "And the rest of the guys, of course," he added
quickly.

	"Of course," Andrea said with a laugh.  "So what time do you two
leave tomorrow?" she asked, turning to Brian and I.

	"Late morning," Brian answered for me, producing two plane tickets
from his jacket pocket.  "The flight leaves at 11:45."  He handed me one
ticket with a smile.  "Wishful thinking," he said in explanation.

	I grinned and put the ticket in my pocket.

	"Then why don't you go to bed, and we'll all have breakfast in the
morning.  I got groceries today, so we're well stocked.  Nate's cooking."

	"I am?" I asked, looking up at her.

	"If you want it to be edible, you better be," Erron laughed.

	"Fine.  A big goodbye breakfast.  But if I'm going to be well
rested, I really should be in bed right away," I said, dropping a
not-so-subtle hint.

	"Don't need to ask me twice," Brian laughed, taking my hand again.
"It was nice meeting you Erron," he said, leaning over to kiss Erron on the
cheek, then did the same with Andrea and said goodnight to her.

	"See you both in the morning," Andrea laughed, looking at the
dumbstruck look on Erron's face.  "And you go to sleep!  I don't want to
hear any strange noises coming from in there," she smiled, seeing us both
blush.

	"Andy, I just came from a cemetery.  Trust me, I'm not feeling up
to anything too sexy," I said, pulling Brian down the hall with me.
"Besides," I called out behind me.  "You're all the way down the hall and
in the living room.  There's no way we'd be that loud."  Closing the
bathroom door behind us, I heard Andrea start to laugh.

	"I don't have a spare toothbrush," I said, looking at Brian's
reflection in the mirror.  "But you can use mine if you want.  It's the
green one."

	"Of course it is," he laughed, picking it up.

	While he brushed his teeth, I stood behind him and brought my hands
together on his stomache, resting my head on his shoulder.  "You know, even
with you foaming at the mouth, we make a pretty cute couple," I said with a
chuckle.

	Brian laughed, almost spraying his mouthful of toothpaste onto the
mirror.  He leaned over and spit into the sink, then gargled with some
water to clean out his mouth.  Rinsing the brush, he handed it to me and we
switched positions, him holding me from behing as I put some more
toothpaste on the brush.

	"You're right," he said as I started.  "We could definitely win
some sort of award.  Look at us.  We're adorable."

	I nodded and then spit and rinsed my mouth and the brush, placing
it back in it's holder beside Erron's and Andrea's.  "It's official.  We've
got to stay together now, just for the sake of beauty," I laughed, hugging
him.

	"Well, if we have to, we have to," he sighed, rubbing my back.  "I
guess we're stuck with each other."

	"Can't think of anyone I'd rather be stuck with," I said with a
smile.  "Except maybe MacGyver.  That guy could get us out of anything.  I
saw him once make a bomb with nothing but a ballpoint pen and..."

	Brian silenced me by putting his lips to mind and kissing me
deeply.  I was just getting into it when there was a pounding on the door.

	"How long does it take you two to brush your teeth?" Andrea asked
through the door.

	I opened it with a grin.  "Sorry.  Brian caught his reflection in
the mirror and went a little Narcissus on me," I laughed.

	"Hey!" Brian protested.  "You're the one that said that we were..."

	"Don't listen to him Andy!  He's a compulsive liar!" I interrupted,
brushing past her with a laugh and running into my room.

	"Get back here!" Brian called, chasing after me.  I heard Andrea
laugh and go into the bathroom.

	Brian came into the room to find me standing beside the bed, a big
foolish grin on my face.  "Now you're in for it," he said, closing the
door.

	"Brian," I said.  "I think we should just go to bed.  I have a big
meal to cook in the morning and..."

	"Then let's go," he said, running at me.  He tackled me, throwing
me to the bed and climbing on top of me.  "Narcissus, huh?  Compulsive
liar, huh?" he said, leaning in to kiss me.

	"Yeah, but I love you anyway," I laughed, kissing him back.  "Now
you're totally overdressed for bed," I grinned, pulling his shirt up over
his back and off of him.

	"So are you," he said, running his hands over my stomache.

	"Oh yeah?  What are you going to do about it?" I asked, unbuckling
his belt.

	In answer, Brian reached down and pulled my shirt up over my head.
Once it was over my head, he pulled it back around, wrapping my head in it.
"This is what I'm going to do about it," he laughed, falling over beside
me.  He started to give me a vicious noogie.  "This is for calling me
Narcissus," he said, then moved his hand and started again.  "And this is
for calling me a compulsive liar!"

	"Stop! Stop!" I cried, laughing.  "I give!  Just stop!"
	
	"You two kids calm yourselves down!" Andrea yelled from the hall,
making us both laugh.

	Brian stopped and pulled my shirt the rest of the way off.  I
looked at him and found him smiling at me.  "And this," he said, kissing my
forehead, "is for calling me baby."  He moved his lips and gave me a peck
on the nose.  "And this if for calling me darling."  Finally, he stopped at
my mouth.  "And finally, this is for calling me sweetie."  he kissed me
tenderly on the lips, making me smile.

	"I love you," I said, standing from the bed and pulling him up with
me.  I got his belt unbuckled finally and let his pants fall to the floor.
He returned the favour, and soon we were both standing there in just our
boxers and our socks.

	"That looks sexy," Brian said, pointing to my feet.

	"I didn't know you had a thing for feet," I laughed.

	"Your feet, yeah," he said in a seductive voice.

	"We better get to bed before Andrea comes in to check on us," I
said, taking his hand and pulling the covers back on the bed.
	"She wouldn't do that," Brian said, then looked at me as I raised
one eyebrow.  "You're right.  She would," he laughed, getting into the bed.
I slid in beside him and pulled the covers back up, snuggling in beside
Brian.

	"What's this?" he asked, picking up the pictureframe from the
bedside table.

	"Andrea did it," I said.  "She brought it with her so that I would
remember why I came here."

	"It's wonderful," he said, turning it over in his hands and looking
closely at the picture itself.  "We should get copies for our Christmas
cards."

	"Oh I'm sure your management would just love that," I chuckled.
"But we do need copies for Andy and Mom and Dad.  Think you can swing
that?"

	"I'll see what I can do," he laughed.  "I think there's a few
strings I can pull for them."

	"I thought so," I smiled.  "Now lets get some sleep.  I have a
feeling I'm going to have no problem tonight."

	"Good," Brian said lovingly, kissing me.

	"Goodnight sweetie," I said, resting my head on his chest.

	"Goodnight, Nate," he answered.  "But what about the lights?"

	I sat up a little and clapped my hands together twice, and the
lights shut off.  As I rested back against Brian's chest, I could feel him
shuddering and heard him fighting to keep from snickering.

	"What's your problem?" I asked, slapping him in the stomache and
making him sputter, then laugh out loud.

	"I just can't believe that any boyfriend of mine would actually
have a Clapper," he laughed, his chest rising and falling under me.

	"Keep it down," I admonished him, looking up at his smiling face.
"It was a gift from Erron.  Same Christmas as the slippers.  He'd be hurt
if he heard you laughing."

	Brian toned it down a little and kissed my head.  "Okay, okay.  I
just didn't expect to ever actually know anyone who has one.  What
slippers?"

	"You'll see them tomorrow, if you're good," I said, poking him.

	"Oh I can be good," he said softly, running his finger down my
spine.

	"I have no doubt you can," I laughed.  "But you'll have to show me
another time," I added, yawning.

	"Okay, sweetie," he said.  "I love you."

	"I love you too," I whispered, kissing his chest.  "Sweet dreams."

	"You too," Brian said, as we both drifted off.  "You too."


	PART 61

	I woke up to find Brian laying on his side, his head supported in
his hand, watching me.  "What are you looking at, hot stuff?" I asked him
with a smile, dropping a wink as well.

	"I was just watching my beautiful boyfriend sleep," he said,
stretching.  "And contemplating just what would be the best way to wake him
up so that I could kiss him."

	"Well," I said, still smiling.  "If your boyfriend is a sleeping
beauty, wouldn't it stand to reason that you could wake him up *with* a
kiss?  Geez, do I have to think of everything?"

	"Well it's too late now," Brian laughed.  "He's awake."

	I obediently dropped my head back to the pillow and closed my eyes,
unable to wipe the smile off of my face.  Within seconds, I felt Brian's
lips press against my own, and moaned as he settled his weight down on top
of me.  Bringing my hands up and running them up his back, I cupped his
head in them and kissed him back for all I was worth.

	"Now that's a good way to wake up, if there is such a thing," I
laughed when we stopped.  Brian was still laying on top of me.  "What time
is it, sweetie?" I asked, kissing him briefly again.

	"Time to brush those teeth," Brian said, making a sour face.  "And
almost time to get up and start breakfast.  I can't believe they're going
to make you cook."

	"Trust me, you do not want Erron cooking for you," I laughed.  "And
Andrea never cooks.  Nothing big, anyway.  She can, but she doesn't like to
do it."

	"Why not?"

	"Same reason I don't dance," I said, shrugging.  "She just doesn't
like to."

	"You don't dance?" Brian asked, looking down at me.  His hand was
absently playing with my navel as we talked.

	"Nope.  Not a step."

	"You must dance sometimes," he insisted, watching me as though he
thought I was putting him on.

	"Never," I said with a smile.  "I don't like it, and I'd look
stupid doing it, so I don't do it."

	"Does Andrea dance?"

	"Oh sure," I said, smiling.  "She's a dancing machine."

	"And she's never made you dance?"

	"Nope," I said again.  "We have a deal.  I don't have to dance, and
she doesn't have to cook."

	"I can't imagine not dancing," Brian said, leaning in for another
kiss.  "It's just so much fun."

	"For you," I grinned.  "You get paid to dance with four other hot
guys."

	"Ewww!" Brian laughed, slapping my stomache.  "Those hot guys are
like my brothers!  That's just gross."

	"For you, maybe.  But they're not *my* brothers," I said, rolling
to the side to dump him off of me.  "I can lust after them all I want."

	Brian landed on the bed, but held onto me, so we were still locked
in an embrace, just on our sides.  "First of all, Kevin and Nick consider
you family.  That's just sick," he laughed.  "And AJ and Howie are just
nowhere near as adorable as I am."

	"Well, you do have a point there," I said, giving him a kiss.
"Besides, they don't kiss nearly as well as you do."  With that, I swung
out of bed and walked to the door.  Once I got there, I turned around to
see Brian still lying there with his mouth hanging open.  I couldn't take
it any longer, and had to laugh.  "Gotcha!" I grinned, opening the door and
running for the bathroom.

	"Nate!" he yelled, chasing me.  I got to the bathroom, but didn't
get it locked before he started pushing on the door.  "You're going to let
me in so I can pound you," he laughed, pushing it open a little.

	"I thought we had to be up soon for breakfast," I joked, pushing
back.

	Brian was silent for a moment, and then he started to laugh.  "My,
don't we have a dirty mind this morning."

	"Waking up next to a hottie will do that to you," I agreed,
latching the door finally.  Brian stopped pushing and I heard him leaning
against it.

	"Nate, sweetie," he said, pawing at the door like a puppy.  "I miss
you."

	"Nice try, my dear," I said, laughing.  "But you're going to have
to wait until I've brushed."

	There was a moment of silence, and then a small knock.  "Nate, I
really *really* have to go to the bathroom," Brian whispered through the
door.

	I laughed and jiggled the knob so that he would think I was
unlocking it, then went back to the sink.  I turned the tap on and stood in
front of the mirror, looking at the totally-in-love man who looked back at
me.  Brian didn't say anything else, so I smiled and got out my toothbrush
and toothpaste.

	Once he realised that I was still not letting him in, he knocked
again.  "Candygram," he said, trying not to laugh.  Finally giving up, I
rolled my eyes at my reflection and walked back to the door, toothbrush
hanging out of my mouth.

	Opening it slowly, I eyed him carefully.  "Are you going to
behave?" I asked him around the toothbrush.

	Brian pouted out his lips, made his eyes big, and nodded
innocently.  I laughed and opened the door wider, letting him in.  He
smiled and walked through the door, shutting it behind him.  "We've really
got to get me a toothbrush," he grinned, trying to grab mine out of my
mouth.

	I swatted his hand away and went back to the mirror to finish.
Brian put the lid down on the toilet and sat down, waiting for his turn.  I
took an extra-long time, knowing that he was getting impatient, then rinsed
out my mouth and the toothbrush and turned back to him.

	"Darlin'," I said, laughing.  "You've never looked sexier."

	Brian realised where he was sitting and stood up.  "Yeah yeah
yeah," he laughed, taking the brush.

	"I'm going to grab a t-shirt, and then get ready for breakfast.  Do
you want to sleep a bit more, or give me a hand?"

	"You can have both of my hands," he said, starting to brush.  "As
long as I get to decide where I put them."  I rolled my eyes again.  "I'll
help you," he said, laughing.

	I nodded and left the room, heading back to my bedroom for my
shirt.

	Brian came in a couple of minutes later to get one for himself as
well.  I was just about to leave the room when he entered, and immediately
started to whistle.  "Nice," he said, pointing to my feet.

	I wiggled the bunnies back and forth for him, laughing as well.
"Told you you'd see them this morning," I said.  "Erron got them for me for
Christmas."

	"They're priceless," he laughed.  "I wish I had a camera.  The guys
will never believe me."

	"They won't hear about it," I said, poking him in the ribs.
"Because you're not going to tell them.

	"Oh?  And just what, my friend, are you going to do to keep me from
telling?"

	Putting my arms around him, I brushed his jaw with my lips.  "Oh,
there's all sorts of things we can do to keep your mind off of it," I said,
pressing my lips to his.

	Brian's tongue almost immediately entered my mouth and I felt his
hands come to rest on my waist briefly, then move under my shirt and settle
in the small of my back.  As we kissed, I moved my own hands to his back,
pressing him against me.

	Breaking the kiss, I leaned back away from him.  "If we don't stop
now, we'll never have breakfast ready."
	
	"Let 'em starve," Brian growled, pulling me to him again.

	"Ahem.  Let them starve?"  Andrea said from the doorway, startling
both of us and getting us laughing.

	"No offense," Brian said, smiling at her.

	"Oh, none taken," she grinned.  "But I'm hungry."

	"Me too," I said, kissing Brian again.

	"Yeah, but I'm hungry for *breakfast*," Andrea laughed.  "Now you
two stop that and get your cute little butts out to the kitchen before I
have to kick them from here to Denver."

	Sighing dramatically, I took Brian's hand and pulled him out of the
room after me.  "Trust me, you don't know what she's like when she's
hungry.  Bears and lions have nothing on Andrea," I laughed, getting out of
the way of Andrea's foot, which was, indeed, heading for my cute little
butt.

	"When I get out of the shower," she warned, leveling a finger at
us.  "I want to be able to smell food preparation."

	"I'll make sure he gets right on that," Brian said obediently.

	"I'm sure you will," Andrea smiled.  "Just don't make me separate
you two."

	I rolled my eyes and dragged Brian into the kitchen as Andrea went
into the bathroom.  Once we were in the kitchen, I pulled Brian against me
again and nuzzled against him, kissing the hollow of his neck.

	"Hey," he said.  "We're not supposed to be doing this."

	"Relax," I said.  "Teacher's in the shower."

	"But the class snitch isn't," Erron said from the doorway with a
snicker.

	"Brian, we really need to get those two a pair of collars with
bells," I said, resting my head on Brian's shoulder and holding him against
me.

	"Look," Erron said.  "I'm glad that you're together, and if I had
my way, you'd be in the bedroom right now.  But we all know that Andrea
would kick my ass too if I let you two cuddle in the kitchen.  So I'll tell
you what.  I'll lend a hand, and then you can have a little more time
together after everything's under control."

	Brian looked down at me.  "I think that's the best offer we're
likely to get."

	I nodded against him, then pulled away as I slapped him on the ass.
"Alright then," I said, taking charge before he could retaliate.  "I'll get
the eggs going.  Brian, you take care of bacon and toast.  Erron, you stay
away from anything sharp or hot.  You can wash whatever kind of fruit
Andrea bought and then make some coffee and set the table."

	Looking around, I noted that they weren't moving.  "Let's go!" I
said, clapping my hands sharply.

	"Holy Mother Superior," Brian laughed, heading for the fridge.
"Who died and made you king of the kitchen?"

	"Hey, you said you wanted to help," I laughed, slapping his ass
again as he bent over to get things out of the fridge.

	Backing out and standing up, Brian smiled and took my chin in his
hand.  "That's two I owe you, sweetheart.  Keep it up and you'll have a
sore ass by the time I'm done with you."

	Erron started to laugh, which got me going.  It took a moment, but
Brian caught on and blushed deeply.  "I didn't mean that, you dirty boys,"
he said, starting to laugh.

	"Just get working, boy," I laughed, taking the eggs and assorted
fixings out of the door of the fridge.  Putting them on the counter, I
passed Erron the strawberries that Andrea had bought, as well as a couple
of oranges.

	Brian obediently went about cooking the bacon, still blushing
heavily.  "It's all right, hon," I said, kissing him on the cheek.  "Relax,
it's just Erron."

	"Thanks a lot," Erron laughed, throwing a berry at me.  Now, as
I've already discussed, Erron's throwing skills needed a lot of work.  He
missed me entirely, hitting Brian in the back of the head instead.

	Brian's hand went to his head as he turned around, a big smile on
his face.  "I'm sorry," Erron said quickly, catching the gleam in Brian's
eye.  "I meant to hit Nate."

	Brian kneeled down and picked up the berry, advancing on Erron, who
was slowly backing out of the room.  I started laughing, enjoying the fact
that Brian and Erron were getting along so well.  Just as I thought Brian
was going to throw the berry back at Erron, he spun around and whipped it
at me instead, smacking me in the middle of the forehead with it and
splattering juice all over my face.

	I stood there, shock registering on my face and my jaw resting on
my chest, as Brian came back over to me.  "Told you I owed you a couple,"
he said.  "Let's just call it even."

	I shook my head as he put his arms around me.  He started to kiss
my forehead, licking the berry juice off of me.  "Even?" I asked.  "You
think we're even?"

	"I think so, yeah," Brian laughed, kissing me.

	Bringing my hand around from behind me, I smacked him on the top of
his head, breaking the egg that I had been holding.  His tongue stopped
moving against mine, and he pulled back sharply.  The egg was already
beginning to run down his face.  Reaching up, I put my hands in his hair
and messed it up, working the egg in well.

	"Now we're even," I laughed, enjoying the look of shock on his
face.

	"Oh, I don't think so," he said, grabbing me before I could get
away from him.  "I think you're in trouble now."  Taking a few more
strawberries from the counter where Erron had left them, he crushed them
into my hair, working them around and running his hands down my face,
leaving twin red streaks.

	He tried to release me and get away, but I jumped on his back,
grabbing another couple of eggs.  One went down his shirt, where I broke it
against his chest.  The other I broke over his head again, being sure to
wipe it down his face as he had done the berries.  Smacking him a few more
times on the cheeks for good measure, I clung to him as he carried me
around the kitchen, trying to find something else to get me with.

	Looking up, I saw Erron standing in the doorway between the kitchen
and the dining room, laughing at us.  As I watched, though, I noticed that
his eyes went past us and got bigger, and I had a sinking suspicion that I
knew what was coming.

	"What the HELL is going on in here?" Andrea yelled from the doorway
behind us.

	Brian stopped moving and turned so that we were both facing her.
Me with red sticky juice all over my face and Brian with egg dripping from
his ears.  I climbed down off of his back and stood looking at Andrea,
watching her try not to laugh.

	She did it somehow, and managed to even look stern.  "I send you in
here to make breakfast, and look what happens."

	"It was his fault," we said together, each pointing at the other.
"Was not!" also in unison.

	"Brian threw a berry at me, and that started the whole thing," I
said, ratting him out.

	"But you broke the egg in my hair.  I had to retaliate after that,"
he countered.

	Andrea sighed and finally smiled.  "Enough!" she said, silencing
us.  "Well, I guess I'm cooking after all," she said.  "You two are going
to have to shower before breakfast now."

	Brian smiled and took my hand.  As he started to lead me past
Andrea, she lay a hand on his shoulder.  "Not so fast, skippy," she said.
"Nate goes first.  You threw the first berry.  You get to stay and help me
clean up."

	I stuck my tongue out at Brian, careful to put it back in my mouth
before he could grab it.  Andrea put her hand on my shoulder.  "And then,
while we're making breakfast, we'll be as messy as we can be, because
Nate's going to clean it up."

	"But Andy," I whined, pouting a little bit.

	"Better pull that lip in before a bird comes along and shits on
it," she said, turning away and grabbing Brian by the arm.  "Now go and get
cleaned up."

	Brian winked at me and offered me a smile, which I returned before
giving him a little wave as I headed for the bathroom.


	PART 62

	When I returned to the kitchen, showered and clean, with new boxers
and t-shirt, Andrea sent Brian to shower, making me help her finish.  He
winked at me again, careful not to draw Andrea's attention, and headed down
the hall.

	"It really was his fault," I grumbled under my breath, picking up
the knife that Brian had abandoned.  My comment elicited an unexpected
burst of laughter from Erron and Andrea.

	"That's the first thing he said when you were out of the room,"
Andrea explained, noticing my questioning look.  "You two act like you've
been married for years."

	I smiled a little and went to work on the toast.  Andrea had opted
to go with pancakes rather than the eggs that I had been planning, but I
didn't think, under the circumstances, it was appropriate for me to argue.
Instead, I made the toast and kept an eye on the bacon.

	"He really does love you, you know," Andrea said, smiling at me.
Erron smiled as well and nodded his agreement.  "He couldn't stop talking
about you.  He wants to know all the little things about you that make you
you.  What you like, what you don't like.  Your favourite movies, your
favourite foods, all of that."

	I grinned at the sweetness of it.  "He's amazing," I said, gazing
down the hall, where I could hear the water running.  "I can't believe he
actually came last night."

	"I can," Erron said, jumping down off of the counter where he had
been sitting watching the coffee drip into the pot.  I glanced at him.  "It
only takes a second to figure out that he'd do anything for you, Nate," he
explained.  "You've got a good one."

	"So does he," Andrea said, putting her hand on my shoulder.  "You
two are so good together it's almost sickening."

	"Thanks, I think," I grinned, taking some bacon out of the pan and
putting more in.

	"Not to mention that he's gorgeous.  I can't believe that you two
haven't done anything yet."

	"Erron!" Andrea hissed, smacking him in the leg.

	"What?  Nate said they haven't.  I just find it a little difficult
to believe... Wait a minute.  You were lying!  You were lying at dinner the
other night, weren't you?" he asked me.  I blushed, which was really all
the answer that he needed.  "I knew it!"

	"You don't know anything," I said, gesturing for him to keep his
voice down.  "I didn't lie, exactly.  I just left something out.  We fooled
around a bit the night he left to go on tour.  We didn't know when we were
going to see each other again.  But we haven't done anything since then."

	"Fine," Erron said, holding his hands up.  "That's all you had to
say.  I won't say another word, except that you have more willpower than I
do."

	I laughed at that.  "A puppy has more willpower than you do,
Erron."

	"You know what I mean."

	"Yes, I do, and believe me it's not easy keeping my hands off of
him.  But I want to wait until we're both ready for it to happen," I
explained, then heard the water shut off.  "Now, nothing more about this,"
I warned him.  "Nothing."

	Erron held his hands up again, and proceeded to pour three cups of
coffee and a glass of juice for Andrea.

	Brian emerged again a few moments later.  Standing just outside the
doorway, he started waving a white flag.  Upon closer inspection it turned
out to be a pair of boxers - my boxers - attached to a ruler.  "Truce?  Do
we have a culinary cease-fire?"

	I laughed and grabbed at the boxers.  "Just get your ass in here,"
I grinned, seeing him peek around the corner.  I opened my arms and he
smiled, coming into the room and hugging me.  Andrea cleared her throat
just as our lips were about to meet.

	"Breakfast's ready boys," she announced, setting a stack of
pancakes on the table.  "Nate, get the bacon and toast.  Erron, desert, and
Brian grab the syrup out of the fridge.

	We went about our assigned duties and were soon sitting down at the
table.  Well, everyone but Brian.  "I don't see it," he said, looking up at
us.

	I got up and went over behind him, smacking him on the butt again
to get him to move over.  Reaching inside, I pulled a Mason jar from the
shelf and handed it to him.  "Good thing it wasn't a bear," I said.

	"What?"

	"My mom used to say that.  It means that, since it was right there
in front of you and you didn't see it, the bear would have killed you."

	"Well who keeps their syrup in a jar?" he protested, holding it up
as if I hadn't seen it.

	"Boy, youse in Canader now," I said, laying on a thick accent.  "We
ain't got no use for no hoity-toity bottles."  Brian just arched his
eyebrow and waited for a more logical explanation.  I sighed.  "That's real
maple syrup, from real maple trees.  Not some crap you buy in the store.  I
got it at a little sugar shack a few hours north of here.  That's why it's
in a jar, and not shaped like some old lady."

	Brian looked at me for a moment, then tipped the jar a bit, looking
inside.  "It's pretty thick."

	I laughed and kissed his ear.  "So are you," I laughed.  "Now let's
eat."


	Breakfast didn't last long, given how hungry we all were.  After
the pancakes were gone, I went about fixing myself a bacon sandwich.

	"What the hell is that thing?" Brian asked, pointing at it.

	"Brian, if there's one habit that you can break him of, please let
it be that one," Erron laughed.  "That is a bacon sandwich, and it appears
that today, for variety, he's going with peanut butter rather than apple."

	"Ew!" Brian scrunched up his face.  "You expect me to kiss a mouth
that ate that thing?"

	"Don't knock it till you've tried it, dear," I grinned, taking a
bite.  I held out my sandwich, offering it to him.

	"Nuh uh," he said, turning his head away.  "There's no way."

	"For me?" I asked with a grin.  "You owe me one of those for the
broccoli."  I batted my eyelashes at him and held the sandwich out a little
further, almost putting it in his hand.

	Brian sighed and took it.  "Okay, but now we're even."  I nodded,
and he took a bite out of the sandwich, scrunching his face again in
anticipation of it.  As he chewed, his face smoothed out to its natural
beauty, and his smile started to shine through.  "Not bad," he nodded
appreciatively, speaking around the peanut butter in his mouth.  "Not bad
at all."  Brain took another, much bigger bite, and started to chew again.

	"Hey!" I protested.  "That's mine!"  Reaching out, I tried to take
it back, but Brian pulled it away.

	"You wanted me to try it," he said, taking another bite.

	"But not eat the whole thing!  Make your own!"

	"But you so graciously made this one for me," he laughed as he
swallowed.

	"Dear gods help us, he likes them too," Erron laughed, watching us
fight over the sandwich.

	I grinned and got up from the table, taking the dishes as I went.
When I returned, I refilled everyone's coffee cups, and poured Andrea some
more juice, then set the box of doughnuts on the table.  Brian had only
eaten one the night before, so there were still eleven left.

	Brian immediately reached for one.  I waited to see which one it
was that he wanted, then swatted his hand and took it with a smile.

	"Hey!  That's my Boston Creme!" he said, trying to grab it.

	"And that was my sandwich," I retorted.  "Besides, you ate the
other Boston Creme last night, so this one is mine."

	Erron and Andrea had each selected theirs while we were arguing,
and so Brian sighed and settled for a jelly-filled doughnut instead.  I ate
my Boston Creme slowly, making sure to take my time and let Brian know how
delicious it was.  Truth be told, I didn't even particularly care for them,
but I knew Brian wanted it, so I had to have it.

	Seeing the dejected look on his face, I couldn't keep it up.
Before I took the last bite, I walked around behind him and held it out for
him.  Opening his mouth, he enveloped the bit of doughnut, along with my
index finger.  Sucking gently on it, he smiled up at me.  Withdrawing my
finger from his mouth, I moved it to his ear and gave him a wet willy.

	"Ugh," Brian said, wiping at his ear and laughing at the same time.
"You asked for it," he laughed, getting up slowly.

	I turned and ran for the bedroom, which at the moment seemed
impossibly far away, with Brian right at my heels.

	"Hey you two!  Don't forget you have to clean this mess up!" Andrea
called from behind us, but we didn't pay much attention.  Somehow, I don't
think she thought we would.  I heard her sigh as I charged through the door
and sent it back behind me to slow Brian down.

	He hit it and threw it back open before launching himself at me and
knocking me to the bed.  We lay there, Brian on top of me, grinning into
each other's faces, for a moment before he leaned in and kissed me, his
tongue immediately entering my mouth.

	As we kissed, I could taste the last remnants of the jelly filling
from his doughnut in his mouth, and a little bit of powdered sugar on his
lips.  Running my tongue against his, I embraced him, pulling him tighter
against me.

	I spread my legs a little, letting his fall between mine, then
brought them up and wrapped them around his waist, which allowed me to
press him even tighter against me.

	Resting his weight completely on me, Brian put his hands flat on
the bed, then brought them around to hold my head against his.  I had just
thought that we might have wanted to shut the door when I heard it snick
shut, and thanked the deities for Erron and Andrea.

	Then it occurred to me what we must have looked like to whichever
of them it had been who had closed the door, and I started to laugh.  Now,
I don't know if you've ever tried to kiss and laugh at the same time, but
they are kind of counter-productive.

	Once I started laughing, Brian began as well, obviously thinking
the same thing I was.  Pulling his face away from mine a little bit, so
that his breath brushed across my cheek as he spoke, I saw Brian's lips
break out into a grin.  "That was nice of them," he said softly.

	I nodded and bent my head up a little for a brief kiss.  "Yeah.
They probably think we're going at it right now," I laughed.

	Brian leaned down again, pushing my head back into his hands with
the pressure of his lips.  "Maybe we shouldn't disappoint them."  He
whispered, kissing me again.

	My eyes got a little bigger.  "Brian..."

	He stopped me with another brief kiss, then looked me in the eyes.
"I think we're ready," he said.  "We love each other, what else matters?"

	I could see the love in his eyes as he spoke, and I felt the
confusion slip from my mind.  I still had my legs wrapped around his waist,
and I used them to pull him down to me again.  "Soon," I whispered in his
ear, licking at the lobe.

	Brian's face showed confusion, and then embarrassment.  "Nate, I
didn't mean to pressure you," he explained, obviously mad at himself.  "I
just wanted you to know how I felt."

	I put my finger to his lips, telling him to be quiet.  "Shhh..." I
added, completely silencing him.  "I know, sweetie.  You're not pressuring
me.  And about the only thing keeping me from just ripping your clothes off
right now is the fact that we don't have a lot of time, and I want to get
some last-minute visiting in with Erron and Andrea.  I don't know when
we'll be seeing them again."  I kissed him again to make sure that he knew
that it was alright.

	Brian smiled as we broke the kiss and I let my legs fall back to
the bed, keeping my hands in the small of his back.  "So you want to go
help them clean up?"

	"Hell no," I laughed, making him smile.  "But maybe we should pack
while we wait for them to get done.  Then we'll just have to grab our stuff
and go when we leave."

	Brian sighed and rolled off of me.  "I guess," he said
dramatically.  "But I can't think of anything I'd rather do than get back
under these covers with you."

	"Trust me, darlin'," I grinned, putting my hand on his stomache.
"There's nothing I'd like more.  But we've got tonight for that."  With
that, I laughed and rolled completely off the bed and walked to the closet
to get my bags.

	"Are you saying...?" Brian asked, smiling.

	I didn't answer, but turned to face him with a big smile.  Bringing
my hands up, I shrugged a little and arched my eyebrows.  Brian's grin
resurfaced and he came to join me at the closet door.

	"So maybe I should get lots of sleep on the plane?" he said
seductively, kissing my neck.  "You know, so I'm well rested.  Wouldn't
want to fall asleep in the middle of something interesting."

	"I'm glad you've got such faith in my ability to keep your
interest," I laughed, smacking him in the stomache.

	"Nate," Brian said, hugging me from behind.  "I don't think, after
that little admission, that I'm going to be able to sleep at all," he
laughed.

	"Well," I grinned.  "I'll make you a deal.  You sleep on the plane,
and I'll see what I can do to make it worth your while.  If you don't,
you'll have to catch up on your sleep tonight, which means that you'll be
in bed by ten."

	"Maybe we could both be in bed by ten," he said, running his hand
down my chest and kissing the back of my neck.

	"Like I said.  That depends on whether or not you sleep on the
plane."

	"You're worse than Kevin," Brian protested, squeezing me tighter.

	"I should like to think that you've never had a conversation like
this with Kevin," I laughed.  "I mean, being close is one thing, but that's
a little too close."

	Brian pulled away from me and slapped my ass.  "That's just gross."

	"Tell me about it," I grinned.  "Kevin can do so much better."

	"Aren't we just full of witty remarks this morning?" Brian laughed.
I shrugged with a smile and started to search the closet to decide what to
wear and what to pack.  "Wear this," Brian said, reaching in and pulling
out the blue shirt of his that I had brought with me.

	"But it's blue," I said, looking at it and holding it up against my
upper body.  "I never wear blue."

	"This once won't kill you," Brian said, pulling off my t-shirt and
running his hand down my back.  "I think you'd look sexy in blue."

	"Something tells me that, at the moment, anything would look sexy
to you," I laughed, sliding the shirt over my arms and starting to button
it.  "Now would you like to find me some pants?"

	"What do you need pants for?" Brian said with a smile.

	"Well, I could go in just my boxers, but people would probably
think it a little strange while we were walking through the airport.
Wasn't there something about trying not to let people know that you're
here?"

	Brian sighed and pushed me out of the way, running his hands
through the hanging clothes and pulling out a pair of black jeans.  "How
about these?"

	"Okay," I said without looking.  I was busy rummaging through his
luggage.  "And you can wear this."  I held up a pair of chinos and my green
silk shirt.

	I threw the clothes to Brian, who returned the favour by throwing
me my pants.  Once we were dressed, after another brief but interesting
round of kissing, Brian pulled my bags out of the closet and helped me
pack, since he hadn't unpacked his clothes.  While I finished with the last
of the clothes hanging in the closet, Brian decided to once again try
packing up my computer.

	It took him a couple of tries, but he did manage to get it without
my help.  He looked very proud of himself as he stood up and passed it to
me.  I grinned to myself and set it down inside the door.  Opening the door
a crack, I heard the distinct clink of dishes being washed, and closed it
again.

	Looking around, I noted that there was nothing else to do.  Brian
smiled and sat on the corner of the bed, patting his lap for me to join
him.

	Sitting on his knee, I swung around and once again wrapped my legs
around his waist so that I was sitting facing him.  "We've got a few
minutes to kill," I whispered.  "Whatever will we do?"

	In answer, Brian put his arms around me and pulled me to him,
pressing his lips to mine.  Kissing him back, I felt Brian's hands settle
on my ass, and grinned against his lips.  Reaching down, I pulled his shirt
out of his pants and rested my hands on his bare skin, moving my lips to
his neck.

	We were really getting into it, and I was starting to think about
how I could push Brian down to the bed without breaking both of my legs,
when there was a curt knock on the door.

	"You guys can come out now," Andrea said.  "We're done cleaning
up."

	Brian laughed.  "She's too smart for her own good."

	I nodded against his neck.  "Sometimes it just doesn't pay to have
clever friends."  I stood up and gave him my hand, helping him up off of
the bed.  He released my hand for a moment, long enough to tuck his shirt
back in, then took it again.  We continued to hold hands as we made our way
to the door and out into the living room.

	"You guys should be ashamed of yourselves," Erron said from the
chair.  He was smiling and trying to look stern at the same time.  "Leaving
us to clean up like that."

	"How did you know we weren't... um... busy?"  Brian asked, blushing
at his own question.

	"Oh please honey," Andrea laughed, handing us each another cup of
coffee.  "If you haven't been... um... busy yet, I don't think you'd be
making your debut performance with the two of us sitting in the next room."
Noticing Brian's blush deepen, she turned to me and winked.

	Brian turned to me, burying his face in my shoulder.  "I can't
believe you told them that," he whispered, slapping my ass.  I knew he
wasn't too upset about it, though, by the way his hand lingered following
the slap.

	"Brian," I said, putting my hands to his head and forcing him to
look me in the eye.  "There are incedibly few people in this world that I'm
completely open and honest with.  I'll admit, if anyone else had asked, I
would have told them that it was none of their business.  But Erron and
Andrea are different.  We don't hold anything back from each other.  It's
the nature of our relationship."

	Brian's cheeks slowly regained their colour as I spoke, and soon he
was nodding his understanding.  "Okay, but surely there's *some* things
that you're not going to share with them."

	"Well we're not about to ask about girth, if that's what you mean,"
Erron said, enjoying watching the blood return to Brian's face.  Andrea
grinned, obviously enjoying herself as well.

	"Come on guys," I laughed, hugging him.  "Lay off of him.  He's new
to this whole group dynamic."  I walked with Brian, letting him go and
grabbing his hand, to the couch and sat down, pulling him against me so
that he was leaning on my chest.

	"Seriously, Brian," Andrea said, sitting in the chair closest to
us.  Leaning forward, she put her hand on his knee.  "I want you to feel
completely open with us too.  Nothing said in confidence goes beyond these
walls, and we'll be there for you if you need us."

	I smiled in satisfaction as I watched Andrea's eyes as she spoke.
The plain, pure honesty both on her face and in her voice put both of us at
ease.  No matter how big things got, Andrea was always going to be there.
For both of us.  I followed Brian's gaze from Andrea to Erron, and found
him nodding in our direction with a serious expression.  It seemed very out
of place on Erron's face.

	"Thank you," Brian said, his voice allowing more emotion that it
generally did.  I knew how much their gestures of friendship meant to him.
"It's been a long time since I actually felt like I had a friend.  Most
people just want to hang out with a Backstreet Boy.  The guys are great,
but this is different.  More special."  He lay his hand on top of Andrea's,
and I saw him squeeze it a little in thanks.

	"Well, as you get to know us a little better," Andrea said,
smiling.  "You'll find that we are nothing like most people."

	I laughed and lowered my head so that my mouth was right beside
Brian's ear.  "I like to think of it as one of their more endearing
qualities."

	Andrea heard me and slapped my knee, right before Brian did.
"Don't be making fun of my new friends," Brian laughed before turning his
head to the side and kissing me.

	"I like him already," Erron said.  "Cute, and willing to stand up
for me.  You don't happen to have a brother, do you?"

	Brian blushed and laughed at the same time.  "As a matter of fact,
I do," he said.  "Though he's straighter than straight."

	"Maybe he just hasn't met the right man yet," Erron grinned.

	"Well, if you meet Harold, maybe you can give him directions on
where to find the right man," I laughed.

	Erron stuck his tongue out at me.  Brian craned his head back
against my chest to see if I was going to return the gesture.  Seeing this,
and knowing what he had planned, I just smiled.  "You're not getting my
tongue this time, sweetie," I said.

	"Wanna bet?" Brian asked, grabbing my head and pulling me into a
kiss.  As he had predicted, it didn't take very long for him to find my
tongue after all.  "See?" he asked, pulling away a few moment later.

	"Why don't you two just do it and get it over with?" Andrea asked,
obviusly trying to get Brian again.

	But he was a faster learner than any of us gave him credit for.
"Well because of you two, we decided to wait until tonight," Brian shot
back.

	This time, it was Andrea, Erron and myself who went red, and I
clapped my hand over Brian's mouth.  "Too much information, sweetie."

	Brian reached up and removed my hand as Andrea and Erron suddenly
found interesting spots on the floor to look at.  "But I thought we were
supposed to share, and Andrea asked."  He looked up at me with confusion on
his face.

	"Yeah, and it's nice that you're getting into it, but there are
certain lines we've drawn over the years.  Actual details of where, when
and how are usually left out."

	"Well *I* didn't know that," Brian smiled.  He turned back to Andy
and Erron, and his smile grew.  "If it makes you feel any better, he
probably won't even let me in the same room with him now," he laughed.

	Both Andrea and Erron laughed and some of the colour drained from
their cheeks.  "It's okay, Brian," I said, folding my hands together on his
stomache.  "It's going to take you a while to get used to the rules, I
guess.  And if you even think of sleeping somewhere else tonight, you'll be
in trouble."  I kissed him on the top of his head for emphasis.

	"Well, I *have* been sleeping with Nick lately," he grinned,
enjoying the look on Erron's face as he said it.

	"Relax, Erron," I said with a laugh.  "Brian and Nick share a room.
At least, as far as anyone outside the band knows they do."

	"And when Nate disappeared, I didn't want to be in our room alone,
so I stayed in my room with Nick," Brian finished for me.  Looking down at
him, I noticed the particular gleam in his eye that meant he was cooking up
some sort of plan.

	"What are you thinking?" I asked.

	"Well, since you and Erron are 'very happily involved', when he
comes to visit people are going to be expecting you and him to share a
room."

	"Like that's going to happen," I said quickly.  "No offense,
Erron," I added with a smile.

	"None taken," Erron said, returning the smile.

	"But if we get him a separate room, people are going to notice and
wonder what's going on," Brian said.

	"So?"

	"So, I think the only solution is to have Erron stay in my bed in
the room I share with Nick.  That way no one's the wiser about who sleeps
where."

	The gleam was still in his eye, but I was the only one who could
see it.  I knew he was trying to embarrass Erron, and it had worked, if the
colour of Erron's ears was any indication.  But there was a part of me that
wondered just how good an idea that was, given Nick's particular dillemma
and Erron's borderline obsession with him.

	"Well, we'd have to clear it with Nick," I said, trying to work
myself a way out of the situation if it was going to be weird for Nick.
"He might really like having his own room now.  He might not be all that
interested in picking up a roomie."

	"Oh he'll be fine with it," Brian said decisively, enjoying the
mixed emotions to be found on Erron's face.  I could see elation there, at
the thought of staying in the same room with Nick, but also embarrassment
bordering on mortification at the same thought.  I had to grin.

	"So who do I get to shack up with when I visit?" Andrea broke in.
"I mean, Kevin's out of the picture, right?"

	I nodded.  "Yeah, I think Carrie would take it personally," I
laughed.

	"So that leaves AJ and Howie," Andrea said, gazing upward as she
pretended to debate between the two of them.

	"Or Nick," I put in.  "Unless, of course, you visit at the same
time as Erron does.  But you can have your own room.  You and I aren't
supposed to be sleeping together."

	"But what about the other night?" Brian put in with a grin.  He
really was catching on to the banter between us.  "Nate tells me you coaxed
him into your bed."

	"Honey please," Andrea laughed.  "He *begged* me."

	"I didn't beg!" I protested.  "I asked.  You were more than eager
to have me there beside you.  Besides, you know what they say.  'Any port
in a storm.'"

	"So now I'm a port?" Andrea countered.

	"You better not have been!" Brian said, laughing.

	Andrea and Erron looked at him for a moment, then laughed and
smiled appreciatively.  "He's fitting right in," Erron said, favouring
Brian with another smile.

	I hugged Brian closer to me, glad to see that he was enjoying
spending time with my friends.  After Brian, Erron and Andrea were the two
people who were most important to me, and it was gratifying to see that my
boyfriend and my best friends were going to get along.

	"Geez, this is as nerve-wracking as meeting the family," Brian
said, miming wiping sweat from his brow.

	"That's because that's exactly what it is," I said, smiling at
Erron and Andrea.  "These two are my family now.  They're closer than a
brother and sister to me."

	"Which would make you the wife," Erron laughed, pointing to Brian.

	"As long as we're together, I don't care what my title is," Brian
said, taking my hand and kissing it.  "Just don't expect me to do all the
housework!"

	I laughed and patted his hand.  "That's right.  You're a modern
woman."  Brian raised himself up a little bit, then dropped back against
me, knocking the wind out of me for a minute.  "Okay, point taken," I said
as I tried to laugh and get my breath back at the same time.

	"You're just what he needs," Andrea said to Brian.  "Someone to
keep him in line."

	"No, what I need is someone who will put up with my lame-ass
friends.  But he foots the bill either way," I grinned, resting my chin on
his shoulder.

	Erron sighed softly.  "True love," he swooned.

	I noticed Brian blushing, and held him closer.


	We chatted back and forth for a while, Brian proving time and again
that he was up to the challenge of keeping up with us, before it was time
to get going to the airport.

	I release Brian, who bounded down the hall, calling back that he
would take care of the bags.  I offered to come and help, but he waved me
off.

	"He's something else," Erron said with a smile, standing from his
chair as Andrea and I did the same.  "Don't you let him go."

	"Never again," I said.  "We already lost a year together because of
a misunderstanding."

	"Good," Andrea said, giving me a hug.  "Just so that you both know
how lucky you are to have each other."

	"Well I know," I answered, returning the hug.  "But I don't think
he has any idea how fantastic I truly am."

	Andrea laughed and slapped me on the back.  "Modest to the end."

	"You know me so well," I grinned.

	Brian came back into the room, loaded down with our luggage.  I
went over to him and took my bags so that he could set the rest down.  I
noticed that glint in his eye was back.

	"What are you up to?" I asked quietly.

	"Nothing," he responded, turning away and going over to Erron and
Andrea.

	I watched him go, knowing that he was lying, but figuring that I
would find out in good time, so I let it go.

	"Thanks for being here for him," Brian said seriously, drawing
Erron into a hug.  "And be sure to come visit us.  I want to get to know
you a lot better, and I want you to meet the rest of the guys.  Ever since
that tabloid mess, they've been eager to meet Nate's boyfriend."

	"I'll be there," Erron promised, hugging him back.  "When I get
some time off of work, and you guys aren't running yourselves ragged.  And
you take care of him.  He's not as strong as he thinks he is."

	"I know," Brian answered, looking over at me.  "I won't let
anything happen to him."

	Erron nodded and released Brian, who then turned to Andrea.  "I
can't believe you came all this way," he said, putting his arms around her
as well.  "You're the best friend anyone could ask for."

	"Well just remember that you fall under that category now," she
said with a smile.  "If you need anything, you let me know."

	"I will," he promised.  "Thanks again, for everything."

	"No thanks needed," she insisted, letting go of him.

	I gave Erron a hug, letting him know how much I appreciated his
being there for me.  "Thanks," I said, hoping and knowing that he would
understand what I was trying to say.

	"Anytime," he answered.  "Now you get back out there and try to be
happy with your ever-so-cute boyfriend.  That's an order."

	"Yes sir," I laughed, moving away.  I looked at Brian, who was
smiling at me.  Turning back, I moved in closer again and whispered in
Erron's ear.  "He really is fine, isn't he?"

	Erron smacked me on the shoulder.  "You don't have to rub it in
sweetie," he grinned.

	I smiled and embraced Andrea.  One of the best things about
relationships like ours was that, at times when words didn't seem to be
enough, they proved to be unnecessary.  We simply held each other for a
moment, knowing what each other was thinking.  When I moved away from her
again, I could see in her eyes that she was happy for me, and that she
loved me.  In the end, that was all that really needed be said.

	"Well, before we're all crying, I guess we should hit the road," I
said, looking to Brian, who nodded.

	I grabbed my bags from the hallway, and Brian did the same.  Andrea
and Erron walked with us to the elevator, where we said our goodbyes.  I
placed my suitcase in the elevator door to keep it from closing, and gave
both of them a kiss on the cheek.  "Thanks for everything," I said, getting
into the elevator.

	Brian stepped forward and did the same.  Erron's eyes, predictably,
lit up at the touch of Brian's lips on his cheek.  I wondered idly if that
was what my face looked like when we kissed, and then wondered how Nick
could complain about it, if our happiness was so evident.  "What he said,"
Brian laughed, breaking my train of thought and stepping back in beside me.

	"Don't mention it," Andrea answered for both of them.  "And you
both better stay in touch.  It's not hard to find out where the tour is, so
I can come kick your ass at any time!"

	I laughed as I pulled my suitcase back inside the elevator.  "As if
I could go long without talking to the two of you," I grinned.  "I'll call
soon."

	"Yes, he will," Brian promised, putting his arm around my waist.

	"Bye," we both said as the doors closed.

	Brian sighed and rested his head on my shoulder.  "That was nice."

	I looked down at him.  "You don't have a lot of friends, do you?"

	"Thanks a lot," he laughed, slapping me in the stomache.

	"You know what I mean," I said with a smile.  "It's just that you
seemed so happy to be able to interact like that with Andy and Erron."

	"It was nice," Brian said again.  "It's been a long time since I
was in a room with people who didn't care about what I do for a living.
Not to mention the strange bond that's there between you and them.  That's
interesting to watch."

	"Hey, it's there with you too, and you know that," I corrected him.
"They both love you like I do.  Well, not *exactly* like I do, but you know
what I mean.  They really took to you, and you more than stood your ground
with them."  I hugged him to me proudly before releasing him as the bell
rang, announcing our arrival at the parking garage.

	"Like you did with the guys," he said, smiling at me as we gathered
our things again.  "I've never seen them take to someone as quickly as they
did you.  Well, except Howie, but even he's admitted that it was hard to
stay mad at you."

	I nodded.  "Your relationship with them is a lot like mine with
those two," I said, indicating the floors above us.  "It was kind of nice
to be able to interact like that with someone else."

	"That's the same way I felt this morning," Brian said, opening the
trunk and setting his bags inside.  I put mine in as well, then closed the
trunk and took the keys from Brian.  "I'll drive," I said.  "I know where
I'm going."

	"I'm beginning to think that you really don't like my driving,"
Brian laughed as I unlocked the doors.  "But I guess I'll give it to you
this time.  We've got a plane to catch."

	I smiled and started the motor as he got in.  As I pulled out of
the parking space, I felt Brian's hand fall to my thigh again, and smiled
to myself.  His hand didn't move until we were pulling into the rental car
parking lot at the airport.  Well, it moved, but it never left my thigh.


	PART 63

	Brian was much more relaxed on the flight to Denver, and we both
managed to sleep most of the way through it.  That was especially important
for me, given what travelling took out of me.  I certainly didn't want to
be groggy when we arrived.

	We quickly gathered our bags and hailed a cab, and before long, we
were pulling up outside a very nice and very expensive-looking hotel.
Brian and I got out of the cab, which I insisted on paying for, and took
our luggage from the trunk, giving it to one of the sharply-dressed young
men standing outside with carts.

	He followed us inside as we checked in and gave him our room
number.  It appeared that this time the guys were staying in a suite, which
meant that there was no need for us to pretend to be in separate rooms.

	Getting into the elevator, Brian's hand was immediatly in mine, and
then gone as quickly as the doors opened to admit a couple of other guests.
We rode the rest of the way in silence, stealing little glances at each
other when we were sure that the couple with us weren't looking.

	It seemed to take forever, but we finally stepped out onto our
floor.  We were standing in a large hallway, with only the one door leading
off of it.

	"We've got the entire floor," Brian whispered.  "Management does
this every now and then.  We figure it's a reminder about how special we
are to them," he laughed.  "But whatever the reason, we don't argue."

	I nodded and waited as Brian unlocked the door and motioned for me
to enter.  As I did, the service elevator opened, and the luggage rack
wheeled itself out through the doors.  As it turned, I caught sight of the
young man from before.  He smiled and I moved aside for him to wheel the
rack into the suite.

	Brian and I entered behind him, and Brian gave him a tip, telling
him to just leave the bags inside the door and we would take them from
there.  He nodded his agreement and thanked us for the tip, then left us
alone again.

	"I wonder where everyone is," Brian said, taking his things.  I
grabbed mine and followed behind him.  I had never been in a hotel room so
plush.  I mean, the rooms they normally had were nothing to sneeze at, but
this outdid them by a mile.

	Before I could really get into my tour of the room, Brian nudged
me, getting my attention.  "We can look around later," he whispered.  "But
right now, I'm dying to hold you.  Let's figure out which room is ours."

	I smiled and nodded, feeling the same need as he was.  We went from
bedroom to bedroom, checking each until we found one that was empty.
Setting our things on the floor beside the closet, we checked out the rest
of the room.  The bathroom connected with another room, and unless I was
completely turned around, it would be Nick's.

	There was a small entertainment system in one wall, opposite the
bed.  It appeared to be a smaller, less intricate version of the huge one
in the main room.

	I was still wandering around the room, taking it all in, when
Brian's arms enveloped me from behind, pulling me back against him.  "Would
you stop running around?" he laughed.  "It's hard to catch you."

	"Well now that you've caught me, what do you plan to do with me?"

	I could hear the smile in Brian's voice as he answered.  "Well,
it's a little early for anything *too* fun.  How about we just lay down for
a while.  I just want to be able to feel you next to me."

	"Shouldn't we let someone know that we're here?"  I asked, turning
to face him.  "There's still a couple of rooms that we didn't check."

	Brian sighed and rested his forehead against mine.  "I guess you're
right.  I have a feeling that Kevin's not too far away.  He's going to want
a rundown on how you're doing, and when you're coming back."

	I nodded and kissed him.  "I was thinking much the same thing.  I
was half-expecting Nick to be waiting right inside the door."

	"Nah, he probably got too wound up.  AJ's probably dragged him off
somewhere to play basketball.  It's about the only thing that can wear him
out," Brian answered.

	"Then let's go see if we can track down Kev," I said, taking his
hand.  "I want to see him again."

	"Alright," Brian said, following me as we left the room.  I headed
straight for one of the rooms that we hadn't seen yet.  So far, we had
established where Howie and Nick were staying, so I assumed (clever guy
that I am) that the two left were AJ's and Kevin's.

	Brian knocked lightly on the first one that we came to, but there
was no answer.  Opening the door slightly, I peeked inside.  Given the
multitude of hats lying around, I knew it was AJ's.  "Jeez, doesn't take
them long to get messy, does it?" I whispered.

	"Nope.  Usually the first time AJ has to change, his room winds up
like that," he said.  "But you watch.  The first thing he'll do when he
comes back is go in there and clean it.  He's like that."

	I nodded and closed the door.  That left the final room, which had
to be Kevin's.  I was about to knock, but Brian caught my hand, putting his
ear to the door.  I followed suit, and heard Kevin talking.  Since we
couldn't hear any answers, but it was clear that he was carrying on a
conversation, he was obviously on the phone.

	Rather than knocking, Brian pushed the door open quietly, peeking
inside.  I put my head above his and looked inside.  Kevin was standing in
the doorway to the balcony, talking on his cell phone.  Brian and I both
started to smile, and crept into the room, careful not to let him know that
we were there.

	"Like I said, Kathy," Kevin said.  "It sounds like the perfect
thing.  I'll have to let you know for sure when Brian comes back.  We don't
know how long Nate's going to be away."

	Brian and I shared a confused look.  I didn't know about Brian, but
I was wondering who this Kathy person was, and how much she knew about
Brian and I.  Brian shrugged.

	"Okay, I'll give you a call as soon as I talk to Brian...
Alright...  Talk to you later... Bye."  Kevin hung up the phone but
continued to stare out off of the balcony.

	"What did Kathy want?" Brian asked with a smile.

	Kevin jumped and spun around.  "Jesus Brian," he started, then saw
me.  "Nate!" he said happily, practically running over to us.  He caught me
in a hug.  "I didn't think you'd be coming back with him."

	"Well, here I am," I laughed, returning the hug.  I was touched at
how obviously happy Kevin was to see me.

	"So you're alright?  You got things straightened out?"

	I released Kevin and nodded.  "Things are fine now," I said.
"You've got quite the cousin there."  I favoured Brian with a smile.

	"Well, my cousin needs to learn to let me in on it when he's
planning on skipping the country," Kevin said, frowning momentarily at
Brian.  But then his smile returned and he hugged Brian as well.  "You must
be happy," he said.

	Brian's face lit up, and I felt myself blush a little.  "Happier
than I thought I could be," Brian said, looking me in the eye.  "Now what
did Kathy want, and how much does she know about me and Nate?"

	"Wait a minute," I said.  "I'm still a step behind.  I don't even
know who Kathy is."
	
	"Kevin's girlfriend," Brian said.

	My face fell, and I turned to look at Kevin seriously.  All my
thoughts turned to Carrie, and trying to figure out what Kevin thought he
was doing.

	Sensing my thoughts, Kevin put his hand on my shoulder.
"Ex-girlfriend," he corrected, giving Brian a disapproving look.  "She
couldn't handle my being on the road all the time, so we've decided that
we're better off as friends.  You don't have to knock my lights out."

	I smiled, thinking about how closely Kevin had guessed my thoughts.
"Well alright then," I said.  Then something clicked in my head, and I
looked back at Kevin.  "Kathy.  Is this the same Kathy that you had me sign
a book for?"

	"That's her," Kevin said.  "And she really appreciated it, too.
I'm supposed to thank you for her."

	Brian cut into the conversation.  "But how much does she know about
me and Nate?"

	Kevin turned to look at him.  "I told her about you two.  I hope
that's okay.  She's totally cool with it."

	Brian's face lost all good humour, and he was suddenly fuming.  I
don't think I'd ever seen him so mad.  That, and the suddenness of his
change in demeanor left me feeling very unsettled.  "That doesn't matter!"
he exploded.  "How could you just go and tell someone like that without
asking if it was okay?"

	"Brian..." Kevin started, but Brian interrupted him.

	"No, Kev, it's not your secret to tell.  You shouldn't have said
anything, even if it was just to Kathy!"  Brian turned and left the room,
leaving Kevin standing with his mouth open, unsure of what to say.

	"I'm sorry, Nate," Kevin said finally, looking at me.  It was
obvious that he hadn't expected Brian's outburst either.  "I didn't
think..."

	I put my hand on his shoulder.  "It's alright, Kev," I said.  "I
trust your judgement.  If you say that Kathy is safe, I'll trust you.  I
know Brian does too.  I'm not sure what that was all about, but I'll go and
find out.  Just don't worry too much about it.  We'll talk about it again
later, okay?"

	Kevin just nodded, and I turned and left the room, heading back
toward ours, knowing that Brian would be there.  As I opened the door, I
immediately felt my eyes drawn to the bed, where Brian was sitting, crying.

	I sat down beside him and put my arm around his shoulders.  "Do you
want to tell me what that was all about?" I asked.

	Brian looked at me and I wiped the tears off of his cheeks.
"You're really okay with him telling her?"

	"Sure," I soothed him, kissing his temple.  "I trust Kevin.  I know
that he would never do anything that he thought would hurt us.  He honestly
didn't see what was so wrong with telling her.  Quite frankly, I don't
either.  You seem to like her."

	"I do like her," Brian said.  "But it wasn't his place to tell her.
I know that she'll be fine with it, but that still doesn't mean that he
shouldn't have checked with us first."

	"You're right, he should have checked with us," I agreed.  "But
that doesn't explain why you got so mad at him.  I thought you were going
to try and hit him or something.  Now what's really going on?"

	"I don't know," Brian sighed, hugging me.

	"Yes you do," I insisted, holding him tighter.  "Now tell me."

	"It's going to sound stupid."

	"Nothing you tell me can sound stupid," I said.  "Especially if
it's something that's bothering you."

	Brian sighed against me.  "I just wish *we* could have told her,"
he said.  "I mean, there are millions and millions of people that we can't
tell, and then he goes and tells one of the few that we could have."

	"That's it?" I asked, then chasitised myself immediately for the
way it sounded.

	"I told you you'd think it was stupid," Brian said.

	"That's not the way I meant it to sound," I spologised.  "It's just
that it doesn't really matter who tells someone that we're together.  It's
up to us to show them that we belong together.  You know what I mean?
Kevin told her that we're in love.  But we're the ones who get to show her
what that means.  And there are always going to be other people that we can
tell."

	Brian looked at me, and found me smiling.  Soon, his lips were
curling at the edges as well.

	"Besides," I continued.  "Kevin must have had a good reason for
telling her.  He wouldn't just call her up and say 'guess what?  Brian's
gay!'  Shouldn't we at least find out what the reason is?"

	Brian took a deep breath and then smiled at me.  "What would I do
without you?" he asked.

	"Probably the same thing I would do without you," I answered.
"Wander around until I found you again.  Now, do you want to go and talk
with Kevin again?  You kinda left him hanging."

	Brian nodded and stood up.  "You coming?"

	"Nah," I said, kissing him.  "I'm going to take the tour of the
room.  You go and fix things with Kevin, and then come back to me.  I want
to have a nap, and I need someone to keep me warm."

	"You got it," Brian laughed.  "I'll be back."  He left me standing
beside the bed and went to smooth things over with Kevin.

	I turned and did the quick tour of the room.  It was very large,
and the bed alone would have slept five or six people comfortably.  It
didn't take long to take in all the features of the room, and I was just
checking out the TV when my cellphone started to ring.

	Flipping it open, I put it to my ear.  "Hello?"

	"Hi there," Brian said seductively.

	"What are you doing calling me?" I asked with a laugh.  "You're
only a couple of rooms away."

	"I know," he answered, also laughing.  "But I wanted you to come
join me and Kevin for a minute.  There's something we want to talk to you
about."

	"Okay, I'll be right there," I said.  Brian's voice came through
the speaker again before I could hang up.

	"Don't hang up.  Talk to me until you get here," he said.

	"What?"

	"You heard me.  Talk to me."

	"What do you want to talk about?"  I closed the bedroom door behind
me and started across the main common room.

	"Tell me how much you love me."

	"There's not nearly enough time," I said.  "I'd need at least
twenty minutes."

	"Awww."

	I opened Kevin's door and stepped inside, right into Brian's arms.
As he hugged me, I heard the tone as he ended his call, and I did the same,
slipping the phone back into my pocket.

	"Now what did you need me for?"

	"Aside from the hug?" Brian asked, sitting down in a chair and
pulling me into his lap.

	"Well, I'm not about to complain about the hug, but didn't you
mention wanting to talk to me about something?"

	"Yeah," Kevin said, sitting on the bed.  "It's nice to see you two
together again," he continued, watching Brian hold me.

	"It's nice to be together," Brian and I said at the same time,
making us all laugh.

	"But seriously, what's going on?" I asked.

	"Well, you were right about there being a reason that Kevin told
Kathy about us," Brian started.  "It seems we've got something in common
with a couple of friends of hers."

	"Oh?"  I was intrigued.

	"You ever heard of JC Chasez?" Kevin asked, a smile on his face.

	"Sure," I answered.  "NSYNC isn't as big in Canada as you guys are,
but most people know who they are.  He's that dreamy guy who used to be on
the Mickey Mouse Club."  That earned me a poke in the ribs from Brian.
"Uh," I corrected.  "I mean he's that guy who couldn't possibly measure up
to my boyfriend."

	"That better," Brian said, kissing my neck.

	"Whatever," Kevin laughed.  "Anyway, it seems that JC and Kathy's
friend Matt have become something of an item."
	
	"JC's gay?" I asked, looking at Brian.

	"Apparently," he answered.  "I've met him a few times, but never
really put much thought into it."

	"Wow, with both of you off the market, teenage girls everywhere are
in for a big let-down."

	"Well, they've still got Nick and Justin to chase after," Brian
laughed.

	"Thanks a lot," Kevin grinned.  "What am I, chopped liver?"

	Brian stuck his tongue out, but was too quick for me.  I ended up
grabbing air, which made him laugh.

	"Anyway, getting back to what's going on," Kevin said, drawing our
attention before we wound up making out in his chair.  "I was telling Kathy
about what's been going on, and how we were going crazy with all this time,
now that the tour's been delayed a little bit."

	"You have time off?" I asked, interrupting him again.

	"Yeah, about two weeks, all told.  There were some technical
problems with the tour.  Why?"

	Brian and I both sighed, and I could tell that he didn't know
anything about this either.  "If I had known that we weren't needed back
right away, there was something that I would have taken care of while I was
still in Toronto," I said.  "I'll tell you guys about it later."

	"And I could have spent more time away with Nate," Brian said,
rubbing my leg.

	"Well if either one of you bothered to return your phone calls,
you'd have known before you got on the plane," Kevin said.  "But it
wouldn't have mattered.  Tomorrow night's show is still on.  It's the last
one.  You would still have had to come back."

	"Andrea must have forgotten to give them to us," I said, reclining
in the chair a little.  "I guess there was a lot going on, though, so I'll
let it slide.  But I may decide to fly back for a day or two."

	"Okay," Kevin agreed.  Brian nodded, obviously curious.  "Anyway,
Kathy suggested that some of us, most notably you and Brian and myself,
join her, Matt and JC for a little down time.  She thought it would be nice
for us to all get to know each other a bit, and she and I have some things
that we need to talk about between us."

	I looked at Brian.  It was clear that he thought it was a pretty
good idea.  "Sounds good to me," I said.  "Anything to get to know JC."

	"You keep it up, and you'll be meeting him in a body-bag," Brian
laughed, hugging me.  "So JC and this Matt guy know about us as well, I
assume?"

	Kevin nodded.  "JC's apparently read your book, and he liked it.
They're all looking forward to meeting Brian's little boytoy."

	"Boytoy?" Brian asked, at the same time as I said "Little?"  We
turned to each other and started to laugh.

	"So you guys are in?  I have to ask the rest of the guys too.
Kathy invited them along too.  The rest of NSYNC left, apparently, to do
some visiting.  JC and Justin both just got out of the hospital, so their
tour is on a bit of a break as well."

	"What happened to them?"

	"Kathy didn't really say.  JC was in some sort of car accident, but
I'm not sure how bad.  I don't really know what happened to Justin, but
they're both apparently going to be okay.  So JC's staying with Matt while
the rest of them visit family."

	"You mean I'm not going to get to meet Lance?" I said, swooning
dramatically and making Kevin laugh.

	"That's it!" Brian said, picking me up and throwing me over his
shoulder.  "We're both in, Kev.  Now I'm taking this one back to our room
and teach him some manners."

	Kevin laughed and promised to call Kathy back as soon as he had
talked to the rest of the guys.  Brian opened the door and carried me
through.  As we passed the doorway, I grabbed the sides and tried to pull
myself back into the room.

	"Kevin!  Are you just going to let me get carried out of here like
this?  What if he beats me?"

	"Then I'd say you got what you wanted," Kevin laughed, pulling my
fingers free and letting Brian carry me away.

	"I can't believe you said that," I grinned back at him as I was
carried through another doorway.  Kevin just smiled and waved, then closed
his own door.

	Seconds later, Brian dumped me on the bed and crawled on with me.
"First it's Nick always in your bed, then you're drooling over Ricky
Martin's hips, then MacGyver for god's sake, then JC, and now Lance!  Any
other crushes I should be aware of?" he asked, unbuttoning my shirt.

	"Well," I started, shrugging it off my shoulders and turning to
take his off as well.  "There is this one guy."

	"Yeah?"  Brian's eyes were sparkling, waiting to see what I was
going to come up with.

	I got his shirt off of him, and threw it on the floor beside the
bed with my own.  We took our socks off and curled up on the bed.  "He's
really good looking, and he can sing."

	"Sound's good so far," Brian said against my neck.

	"Oh, he's more than good.  He's beautiful, and he's sweet, and
generous, and warm, and kind, and loving, and..."

	Brian stopped me with a kiss.  I lost myself in the moment, kissing
him back, then broke away from him again.  "And he's a great kisser," I
finished.  "Oh, and he always seems to show up in my bed."

	"There's no place else to be," Brian commented, pulling my head
down onto his chest and stroking my hair.  "Now you get that nap.  The rest
of the guys will be back soon enough, and I have a feeling it's going to be
a long evening."

	I nodded against him, kissing his chest.  "Are you sleepy?"

	"Not really," he answered.  "But I'll probably drift off.  Once
you're asleep, there's no reason for me to be awake."

	"That's sweet," I said, looking up at him.

	He smiled and held me tighter.  "Now sleep.  I'll be here when you
wake up."

	I heard the comfort in his voice, and closed my eyes.  A few
minutes later, I was sound asleep in his arms.

To Be Continued...

Well, I hope that it was worth the wait for you guys.  Nate's past has
actually been written for several weeks, but an executive decision kept it
from coming out then. :P

Anyway, comments etc., as always, are welcome and appreciated!  Contact me
at dls_stories@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading! :)

~*D*~