Date: Wed, 19 Jan 2000 21:20:22 EST
From: D LS <dls_stories@hotmail.com>
Subject: Brian & Me Parts 82-84

	Hey all! :)

	Well, it's been a long time, I guess.  Too long, judging by the email I've
been getting for the past week or so. :P   Sorry about the delay, guys, but
there was no way around it.  I was away from the computer for almost two
full weeks over the holidays, which meant not only that I wasn't writing,
but that I wasn't in communication with Matt at all to even get some plans
for this installment made.  Topping it off, Matt and I both seem to have
some semblance of a life, and we've been sort of busy and lazy by times. :)

	This installment doesn't include all that I thought it was going to,
because we thought it prudent to post before the death threats started
coming in.  This one is longer than usual, but not as long as the last one,
even though it's taken longer to come.  I do hope it was worth the wait.

	Special thanks go out to Matt, who actually got my ass in gear with this
installment.  If not for him, there's no way you'd be reading this yet.
He's a great guy and a wonderful friend.  We'll make an honourary Canuck out
of him yet, as soon as we can get him to see the value of a few extra `U's.
:P

	As always, a few stories to keep your eye out for.  First, of course,
"Search & Rescue" by Matt.  Also, make sure to check out "Adam, Zach, and
BSB" by EG, "Lucky Me" by Lauren (who assures me she's working on the next
installment :P), "Some Kind of Bliss" by Braan (who better get his ass in
gear with *his* next installment :), "Lance in Shining Armour" by Scotty,
"Separate Lives" by Chris Taylor (who, I'm happy to say, people seem to
consistently associate me with), "Studio in the Country" by Mike Ellis and
"NSYNC, Lance & JC" by DCKevin, in no particular order.  All are really good
stories, and I'm proud to say that all are also written by friends of mine.

	Of course, the obligatory reminder that none of what you are about to read
is actually meant to represent anyone dead, alive, or yet-to-be born.  The
only people I can say for sure are gay are Nate and Erron, because they're
*mine*, and they'll do what I tell them to do. ;)

	Finally, picture me sitting beside you right now as you read this.  Feel
free to make me stunningly attractive.  Am I frowning because you shouldn't
be reading this?  If so, do one of two things.  Either stop now, or throw a
blanket over me.  Just so long as I can't see you doing it. :P

	Oh, and one last thing.  Happy belated birthday to Lukas!  I hope you like
what I got you. ;)

	Enjoy!


	PART 82

	I woke up a few minutes before Brian did, not even long enough ahead to
really spend any time just lying there and watching him, thinking about how
lucky I was to be waking up beside the man of my dreams.  I liked to watch
him sleep, though nothing compared to having him awake.

	He opened his eyes, and I smiled at the way they immediately sought me out.
  Seeing that I was already up, he smiled and put his hand on my chest,
rolling over on his side.

	"Morning," he said softly, kissing my shoulder.

	"Yes, it is," I grinned, putting my hand over his.  "Sleep well?"

	"Not as well as I do when you wear me out before bed, but it was still
pretty good."  Brian was smiling as he said it, but I still felt the need to
apologise for my being so out of it the night before.

	"Sorry, sweetie.  I just couldn't keep my eyes open.  Not even when I had
you to look at."  I smiled back and rolled over to face him.  "It seems like
I'm going to have to catch that movie another time."

	"Don't worry about it.  You didn't get much sleep the night before, and
even *my* sexiness has its limitations.  Besides, it's not like you were the
only one.  Matt seemed to be pretty much dead to the world when we went to
bed."

	I thought that, given Matt's possible situation, Brian could have come up
with a better choice of words, but I knew he had meant it innocently.  "I
would imagine that he's been having a bit of trouble getting to sleep lately
too."

	Brian nodded and reached out to brush my jaw with his fingers.  "Am I the
only one who's thinking that this might not have been the best time for us
to be visiting?  I mean, I'm glad to have met Matt, and to see Kathy and JC
again, but entertaining us should be the last thing that Matt has to worry
about."

	"When Kathy first told us that Matt might be sick again, that was the first
thing that I thought of too, but I've been thinking about it, and now I'm
not too sure.  Maybe we're the ones who should be thinking about
entertaining *him*.  Give him a distraction and take his mind off of things
if he needs it."

	"But what if he turns out to be sick again?  I mean, is that something that
he's going to be comfortable telling people that he just met?  Isn't that
going to be a bit of added pressure on him?"

	I thought about that for a minute or two, then finally wound up shrugging.
"I don't know, sweetie.  I guess that's up to him.  I have a feeling that JC
and Kathy would make sure that we knew when it was time to leave, if we were
putting a burden on Matt.  He wouldn't do it, because he'd want to avoid
appearing rude, but Kathy and JC would definitely step in for him, right?"

	It was Brian's turn to shrug.  "I don't know him that well, obviously, but
he reminds me of you in a lot of ways.  My guess is that, if he finds out
that the cancer is back while we're here, he'll hide it."

	My mind immediately went back to the night before, and how strange Matt had
looked when he got done with that mysterious phone call.  He hadn't looked
like he recognised the phone number on the display screen, and something had
obviously happened between the time that I left him to answer it and the
time he returned to the living room with Kevin.  Did Matt already know the
results of his tests?  If so, and they were bad, would he tell us?  Would he
tell JC?  That was a different question altogether.  After his reaction on
our first day in Memphis, I had a feeling that Matt would put it off as long
as he could.

	"Nate?"

	I jumped a little, wondering how long I had been lost in thought.  "Sorry.
Woolgathering."

	"Nothing bad, right?"

	"Don't think so.  Just sweeping out my brain."

	Apparently deciding that the conversation had become entirely too serious,
Brian smiled and climbed on top of me.  "Don't do that.  I love your dirty
mind."

	I also tried to push the serious thoughts out of my mind for the time
being, deciding that there was nothing more to be done about it until and
unless Matt decided to talk to us about his situation, whatever that
situation was.  "Just my mind, eh?"  I craned my neck to steal a kiss.

	"Oh, there are a few other bits and pieces that I like too," he cooed,
slipping his hand between my legs.  "Ooh, what's this?"

	"If you're just noticing that, I've been doing something wrong," I laughed,
lifting my hips a little.

	"Sweetie, you have nothing to worry about there.  Trust me on that one."
Brian's hand moved a little more, slipping inside my boxers.

	There was something that felt wrong about this, though.  About making love
immediately after discussing the possibility that Matt might very well be
about to start another fight against Hodgkin's.  No matter how much I tried
to push the thoughts away, they remained floating around in my head, and
they definitely spoiled the mood.

	I was about to mention this to Brian when he stopped of his own accord.
His hand slipped out of my boxers again and came to rest on my leg instead,
and he lay his head on my chest.  "Sorry, just doesn't feel right," he said
gently.

	"I know.  I was thinking the same thing."  I ran my fingers across his back
and held him to me.  I didn't want to think about these things, but there
didn't seem to be any way around it.

	I thought about what I would do if I couldn't have Brian by my side, even
when he was hundreds of miles away.  Knowing he was out there and loving me
was bad enough, but to have to think about the possibility of having to live
without him was torture.  From the way Brian was squeezing me, I knew that
his thoughts were running similar to mine.

	Brian was probably right about Matt trying to keep any bad news from us,
though I had a sinking feeling that the phone call from the night before had
been bringing exactly that.  Now that I was thinking about it, Matt had
seemed almost haunted when he had come back into the living room after
taking it.  I felt my stomach knot and tried to convince myself that I was
worrying for nothing.

	That phone call could have been anything, I reasoned.  Tele-marketers,
wrong number, distant relative, co-worker, anything.  And it could have
been, of course.  But I knew that it hadn't been.  I was certain of it
suddenly.  None of those possibilities could account for the look on his
face.  He had looked like someone who has been punched in the gut.

	I closed my eyes to try and focus my mind, conjuring images from my book
and characters in Brian's story in an attempt to detach myself from those
thoughts.  It was a defence mechanism that I had discovered after I began
writing again in high school.  If I could manage to keep a mental movie
going on in the back of my mind, I found stressful thoughts and worries much
easier to handle.  It also helped me to keep a poker face when I needed one,
and I had a feeling that I was going to need one.  It didn't always work,
but it was something to try, anyway.

	It seemed to work for me this time.  As I watched my characters come to
life in the background, I found my mind clearing for me.  Worrying about
Brian and I was pointless, I decided, since we weren't faced with this
directly.  And worrying about Matt and JC was pointless too.  If it turned
out that the phone call had been the hospital, it was almost certainly bad
news.  If not, Matt would have been happy to share it with the rest of us.

	Which meant that there was a very good possibility, in my mind at least,
that the cancer was back and Matt knew it.  Which left the question of what
we could do about it.  There was nothing specifically about the cancer that
we could do, of course, but we could certainly be there for Matt, JC, and
Kathy.  And we would be.  In whatever way we could be, Kevin, Brian and I
would be there.

	I can't say that coming to that conclusion made me feel good, exactly, but
it definitely made me feel *better*.  As vague as it was, it was some sort
of plan of action.  A direction to start in.  Whatever came after that, we'd
deal with when it came.  I just felt better knowing where that first foot
was going to land.  What was over the next hill was a worry for tomorrow.

	We both jumped at the knock on the door, and Brian slid off of me a little,
winding up beside me, but with his head still on my chest, and his arms
still wrapped around me.

	"Come in," I said, loud enough to carry to the door, and continued to
stroke Brian's back.

	"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Kevin asked, poking his head in the
door.

	"For once, no," Brian said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

	Kevin smiled too as he came into the room and shut the door behind him,
though it was a troubled smile.  I felt the knot in my stomach clench again.

	"Matt asked me to come and talk to you both for a minute," Kevin said,
sitting down on the foot of the bed.

	"Dammit."  I ran a hand through my hair as I tried to sit up, bringing
Brian up with me.

	Kevin's eyes opened in surprise.  "You know?"  Brian looked up at me too.
He didn't say anything, but his eyes asked plenty of questions.

	"I didn't know for sure," I told them.  "But I had a feeling, yeah.  Last
night when we went to the kitchen for drinks, the phone rang.  Matt looked
like he didn't have a clue who was calling, but he made me go ahead into the
living room while he got it.  When he came back out, he didn't look so hot."

	Kevin nodded.  "It was the hospital.  Matt's cancer is back."  Brian sighed
and sat up beside me, his hand slipping into mine.

	I looked over at him.  "Guess he's going to tell us after all, eh?"

	Brian nodded, then answered Kevin's unspoken question.  "Nate and I were
talking about this a little while ago.  About whether Matt would tell us if
anything's wrong."

	"Has he told JC?"

	"He told him this morning.  I overheard Matt's part of the phone call, but
he made me promise not to tell anyone until he was ready.  I'm not sure what
happened to make him tell JC, but he did.  And he told Kathy already too.  A
few minutes ago, actually.  But he's not up to doing it again, so he asked
me to tell you guys."

	"Should we leave?" Brian asked, voicing his concern from earlier.

	"No.  I asked Matt, and he doesn't want us to leave.  He said it would feel
a little like we were running out on him."

	I thought back to cooking breakfast the morning before, and my conversation
with JC.  I remembered JC saying something about wanting to show Matt that
their relationship was strong enough to get through this after what had
happened `the last time'.  There was definitely something more there, and I
was pretty sure that Kevin would know about it, but decided that it wasn't
really any of my business.

	"So what do we do then?" Brian's question brought me back to the
conversation.  He was looking from Kevin to me and back again.

	"My guess is that Matt wants us to know, but not to dwell on it," I said.
"Let him know that we're here for him and not pretend that nothing's going
on."  I turned my full attention to Brian.  "We give him the distraction if
he wants it."

	Kevin nodded and got up off of the bed.  "I think that's exactly what he
wants."

	Throwing back the covers, I had to laugh as Kevin quickly averted his eyes.
  Brian noticed too.  "It's okay Kev," he laughed.  "We're not naked."

	Kevin blushed a little and turned his eyes back to us.  "I'll give you a
few minutes to get dressed."

	"Don't bother," I told him.  "Just let us pull on something and we'll get
breakfast."  Getting out of bed, I grabbed some pants for Brian and myself
while he got us a couple of shirts.  It didn't take long to be presentable,
and Brian and I followed Kevin out into the hall.

	JC was standing in the hall, just inside the doorway to the dining room.
When he saw us coming, he glanced behind him quickly, then asked, in a
louder voice than was strictly necessary, what Kevin wanted to drink.  I
glanced at Brian and rolled my eyes, thinking that JC really needed to work
on his acting skills.  He returned the look, but it didn't appear that Kevin
noticed anything.  Not surprising, with the way his head was obviously still
spinning.  Not catching on, he just kept walking, assuring JC that he didn't
need anything to drink.

	Kevin just about bowled JC over on his way through the door, with Brian and
I close behind.  If we'd had a few more feet of hallway to work with, I
would have grabbed Kevin's arm to hold him back for a minute, giving Matt a
few more seconds to finish up whatever it was that JC was obviously hiding.
But, apparently it didn't matter, because Matt was smiling when we piled
into the room.

	We said our good mornings, but the tone was definitely subdued.  I wanted
to give Matt the opportunity to set the pace.  Let him tell us what he
needed from us, and be ready to give it to him.

	While we ate, I was lost in thought, trying to figure out what I would want
to have those around me do and say if I were in Matt's position.  But for
once, my imagination failed me.  I couldn't put myself in his shoes, no
matter how hard I tried.  Had he been just a character in a story of mine, I
had no doubt that I could have done it.

	But Matt wasn't just a character.  He was a real person, sitting across the
table from me.  And he was also rapidly becoming a friend.  It seemed
fundamentally wrong to reduce him to a character, and without doing that, I
couldn't seem to wrap my head around his situation, and the things that must
be going on in his head.

	Well, almost.  There was one thing that was coming through loud and clear.
He was quickly getting tired of the looks that Brian kept giving him, and
the way Kevin was trying too hard.  If I could have thought of a way to get
them both to stop without being too obvious about it, I would have.

	Finally, Matt put a stop to it himself.  Expecting him to just call
attention to it and ask us to stop, I was surprised when he instead simply
asked me what I wanted to do while we were in Memphis.

	I blinked, trying to change thought patterns and answer him.  Noticing the
smile that came to his face, I was never more glad to have been taken by
surprise.  "Um, I guess when I think about Memphis, I think about Elvis, so
I'd kind of like to see his house," I answered, smiling myself.  If my
father could have heard me say that, he'd have had a heart attack.  He had
hated Elvis, and had *really* hated the commercialisation of his name and
face after his death.  I had never really understood that, since normally my
father was all for making a buck, but apparently even he had had his limits.

	Matt nodded and turned to Kevin and Brian, asking them if they had ever
been there.  Neither of them had.  "Graceland it is," he announced, then
went to the phone.  Kathy reminded him of the crowds there, and how maybe
taking three very well known singers and a popular author might not be a
good idea, but he just smiled and asked for some woman named Michelle
Montrose.

	"Who's Michelle?" Brian asked.

	"Cathy's daughter," Matt answered.

	"You have a daughter?" Brian gave Kathy a quick glance, obviously wondering
how many more surprises these people were planning on springing on us during
our visit.

	Kathy smiled slightly and rolled her eyes, telling him that she didn't have
a daughter.  There was something in the way she said it, though, that caught
my attention.  The expression on her face was exactly what I would have
tried to describe on a character who was avoiding saying something.  Someone
that would rather change the subject, which she quickly did.  "Cathy is the
ward clerk in the emergency room at the hospital, and her daughter used to
baby-sit the girls from time to time."

	Apparently, Michelle came to the phone, because Matt started talking to her
again.  He told her about our situation.  He didn't mention exactly who his
friends were, just that we wanted to take the tour of Graceland and that
there was a need for privacy.  He listened for a couple of minutes, then
smiled.  "Thanks, we'll see you then."

	After he got off the phone, and JC had asked what was going on, he
explained.  "She said it wasn't a problem.  She'll have a private bus behind
the ticket office that will drive us up to the house and no tours will come
through until we leave."  Seeing the confusion still on our faces, Matt
explained that this Michelle person was the tour director at Graceland, and
that we only had a couple of hours to be ready and there to catch the bus.

	I nodded my agreement and understanding, then grabbed Brian by the arm and
led him back to the bedroom to get ready to go out.  We were just grabbing
our towels when we heard Kathy yell out "Oh, for god's sake, somebody turn
on the hoses!"

	Figuring that there were only two couples in the house that could get such
a reaction, and that Brian and I were one of them, I smiled.  I got the
feeling that Matt and JC were going to be okay, and that maybe walking on
eggshells wasn't going to be necessary after all.

	Thinking of that, I took Brian's hand and led him to the bathroom to
shower.  "You know, you've really got to stop looking at Matt like that.  It
was starting to drive him buggy."

	"Like what?" Brian closed the bedroom door behind us and we walked down the
hall a little way.

	`Like you're thinking he's going to drop any minute,' was what came to
mind, but I knew I couldn't say that.  "Like you pity him," I finally said,
walking into the bathroom.  "I know it's hard, but try to keep it out of
your eyes."

	"But I do pity him," Brian said softly, closing the door.  "I mean, I know
that sounds bad, but I do.  He just found JC, and he's already been through
so much, it's just not fair."

	"I know it's not, but I don't think pity is the right way to go about it.
I mean, yes he and JC haven't been together long, but they're together now,
and JC's going to stand by him.  That's something to feel good about.  And
yes, he has already been through the cancer before, but he got through it.
There's no reason to believe that he can't do it again."

	"But it's so much for one person."

	"That's the thing, though.  It's not just one person.  Matt's got JC and
Kathy here with him, and I'd like to think that he considers you, Kevin and
I friends as well.  He's not alone in this, and I get the impression that,
aside from Kathy, he was the last time.  I get the impression that whoever
he was with the last time he was diagnosed with this left him shortly
thereafter."

	Brian looked up at me, and I pulled him into a hug.  "You've got to stay
positive about this, Brian.  Matt's a perceptive guy.  He doesn't need to
see his own obituary on our faces when he looks at us."  Brian nodded
against me, and I whispered "do you pity me?"

	Brian jumped back quickly, and the shocked expression on his face made me
smile.  "Of course not!"

	"Remember the other day, when I said that Matt had had it worse than I had,
and you told me that what I had been through was just as bad, and couldn't
be compared?"

	Brian thought about it for a second, then a rueful smile came through.
"Okay, point taken.  But I still feel bad for him."

	I started to undo my shirt and smiled.  "I think that's perfectly natural,
as long as you don't let it show too much.  Let Matt show us what he needs
from us."

	"Have you ever noticed that you sometimes sound like a fortune cookie?"
Brian laughed, pulling his own shirt off over his head.

	I grinned and slipped out of mine.  "I've done enough mourning and soul
searching to find out a few things," I said simply.  "And the drama queen in
me gets to regulate how it comes out."

	Brian smiled and dropped his pants, then stepped into the shower stall.
"So, Queenie, how much time do we have to shower?"

	I really hoped the he wasn't about to start calling me Queenie on a regular
basis.  "Keep it up pookie and you're in for a spanking.  But we don't have
a lot of time, by the sound of it, so it's going to have to wait until
later."  I finished getting undressed and stepped in beside him as he turned
on the water.

	The first cold blast hit me square on the back, making me jump.  Brian
laughed and moved back a little bit so that I could retreat.  Once the water
got warm again, we got down to business.  I was rather proud of the way we
managed to avoid distractions, and before long, Brian was reaching around me
to turn the water off again.  I did, however, notice that his hand
`accidentally' brushed against me several times.

	Pulling a towel from the rack, I handed it to Brian, then took one for
myself and stepped out into the bathroom.  Brian joined me, and we quickly
dried ourselves off.  Rather than getting dressed again, we simply wrapped
the towels around our waists and headed back to the bedroom.

	Kevin was coming down the hall with a towel slung over his shoulder.  "That
was quick."

	"Yeah," I responded.  "Brian's sex appeal is really going downhill these
days."  Brian elbowed me as Kevin laughed and stepped into the bathroom.  I
just grinned and put my arm around Brian's waist as we entered the bedroom
again.

	"What do you think JC was covering for earlier?" Brian asked.  "When we
were going out for breakfast?"

	I shrugged.  "Dunno.  Matt seems to be trying to keep things together,
though.  Maybe he just needed a minute to put on his game face."  There was
a voice in my head telling me that that wasn't it at all, but there didn't
seem to be an accompanying voice with a guess as to what the real reason
was.

	"Maybe," Brian agreed.  "So are you all excited about seeing the King's
house?"

	"I guess."

	"It was your idea!"

	"I know, and it should be pretty cool, but I'm really not much of a fan of
Elvis.  I just thought it would be kinda fun to check out his house."

	"He was pretty hot when he was younger."  Brian removed his towel and
pulled on his boxers, then grabbed for one of the pairs of shorts that I had
bought him.

	"Yeah, but I could have done without ever seeing him in his overweight,
jumpsuit days."  I grabbed a pair of my own shorts and pulled them on, then
went searching for a shirt to match.

	"You could go without a shirt," Brian suggested, coming up behind me and
putting his arms around me.  His head rested on the back of my neck, and I
could feel his breath on my shoulder.  "I know one person that would be
pretty happy about it."

	"If it's all the same to you, pookie, I think I'll go with a t-shirt."  I
pulled a green/brown one off of a hanger and held it up to him for his
approval.  "But I promise that you get to take it off later."

	Brian sighed dramatically and released me.  "Well, if that's the best that
you can do, I guess it'll have to be enough.  But be warned, if I come
across another hot guy today, and he's willing to go shirtless for me,
you're out the door."

	I smiled and stepped away from the closet so that he could find something.
"Okay, I'll give you that, as long as you're aware that if I find a guy
hotter than you who wants me to go shirtless, I'll do it."

	"I'm not worried."  Brian pulled out a white t-shirt.  "There's no one
hotter than me."

	"Well, at least you're not conceited about it," I laughed, taking his shirt
away and throwing it back in the closet.  I reached in and pulled out a
burnt orange colour one instead and handed it to him.

	"When you're this hot," he grinned, slipping it over his head, "you don't
need to be conceited.  Everyone knows, so there's no need to point it out."

	"I really wish I could argue with you," I said, putting my arms around him
and kissing him.  Brian pulled me tighter to him and turned the kiss up a
notch.

	I broke the kiss as I ran my fingers through his hair.  "Did you even dry
this?" I asked, pulling my wet hand away.

	"Complain complain complain," Brian pushed me away and grabbed his towel.
He laughed as he wandered back out into the hall, putting the towel to his
head again.

	I smiled, then gathered up my socks and shoes.  I got to the living room
just in time to hear JC ask Brian if he didn't have a boyfriend of his own
to bother.

	"Yes, he does."  I pushed past Brian and entered the living room, taking a
chair by the doors leading to the deck.  "And believe me, he's a pest."

	"I don't remember you complaining before."  Brian sat down on the floor in
front of my chair and rested against my legs.

	"You probably haven't been listening," Matt grinned.

	"He never listens," I agreed.  "Just sex sex sex.  No talking."

	Brian bit my knee.  "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

	"Well, from what I can tell, it sure ain't broke," I laughed, rubbing my
knee.

	"And on that note," JC announced, taking Matt's hand and pulling him off
the couch.  "We'll go get ready."

	Brian was in my lap as soon as they were out the door.  "I listen to you,
you know," he said.  "I hear every moan and every groan."

	I kissed his jaw.  "Then maybe tonight I'll have to come up with some new
sounds to make.  Care to help me out?"

	"You got it, sweetie.  In fact..."  Brian put his arms around me and fell
backward, pulling me out of the chair.  I don't know whether it was luck, or
Brian knew I would be able to slow him down, but I managed to lower us both
without dropping him.  He kept his arms around me, pulling me down on top of
him.  His legs wrapped around my waist as his lips met mine, holding me even
more tightly against him.

	"Um, Bri?"

	"Shhh..." he smiled, pulling me into another kiss.

	"Mmm."

	"I've heard that one before," Brian whispered, breaking the kiss briefly.
His hands slipped into my shorts and pulled out the tail of my shirt, then
ran up my bare back.

	"Whoa!"  Brian and I heard Kathy, but silently agreed to ignore her.  "I
said, WHOA!" she laughed, nudging me with her foot before sitting down on
the couch.

	I laughed and rolled off of Brian, then got up.  "Oh, you're pretty too,
Kathy," I grinned, then returned the kiss that she had given me at breakfast
the day before.

	Brian laughed and put his feet up into the chair that he had pulled me out
of, laying on the floor and watching us.  I sat down beside her as I enjoyed
the slight blush I had caused in her cheeks.

	Kathy opened her mouth, probably to try and retaliate, but before she could
speak, my phone rang.  Reaching into my pocket, I pulled it out and flipped
it open.

	"Hello?"

	"Hey Nate!"

	"Nick!  How's it going?"  Brian perked up at the sound of Nick's name.

	"Not bad.  I'm having a pretty good time with the family.  Catching up and
all that.  What are you guys doing?"

	"We're off to Graceland," I laughed.

	"Didn't know you were an Elvis fan."

	"I'm not, really, but come on, it's Graceland.  So you relaxing?"

	"You bet!  I've been sailing a couple of times already.  You'll have to
come out sometime."

	"I think I'm more of a landlubber," I told him.  I had an odd fear of
boats.  I could swim quite well, and I enjoyed it, but there was just
something too unnatural about being *on* the water instead of *in* the
water.  I suppose, if I really thought about it, it was comparable to
Brian's fear of flying.

	"You'd love it!"

	"We'll see."

	"Something tells me that we won't."  I knew that he would be smiling.  "I'm
never getting you in a boat, am I?"

	"Not if I can help it, my friend," I laughed.  "So unless you plan on
getting me really drunk or drugging me, it's not going to happen."

	"Have you ever even been drunk?"

	I chuckled, thinking about the last time I'd really gotten plastered.
"Yeah, I have been.  But I tend to have pretty poor judgement when I am.
Long story, but it could very well have ended with a trip to the emergency
room."  Brian looked up at me sharply, but I waved him off with a smile.

	"Sounds like something I'd like to hear about."

	"Well, Nick, maybe when you're older.  You're still a bit too
impressionable for adult talk."  I grinned and winked at Brian.

	"Shut up!"

	"Hey, you called me!  Now you're telling me to shut up?"

	"Don't tell my boyfriend to shut up!" Brian yelled in the direction of the
phone.

	Nick laughed and asked me to put Brian on the phone.  I threw it over to
him as Kathy made sure to tell him that she wanted to say hi to Nick too.
Standing up, I started back toward the bedroom.  Kevin was just coming out
of his, so I flagged him down and had him follow me.

	"What's going on?"
	"Nothing.  Nick just called.  He's talking to Brian, then Kathy.  I thought
I'd use the alone time to set up a surprise for Brian."

	Kevin caught the grin on my face and closed the door behind us.  "What are
you up to?"

	"Just a little slide show," I smirked, turning on my computer.  Kevin
chuckled in anticipation and sat on the bed, waiting for it.  I opened the
file that I had put the extra set of pictures I had taken the previous day
and started to play around with them.  Soon, I had a slide show set up on my
screen, and I had Kevin laughing.

	"When did you take those?"

	"Last night, before you guys got back.  Kathy was here when we got up, so
we decided to play with Brian a bit.  Oh!  Look at this one coming up.  It's
the one where he finally clicked on what was going on."

	The image changed, and it was Brian, looking directly at the camera with
the cutest expression on his face.  Kevin laughed while I smiled.  "Oh,
that's priceless," he said.  "You've got to show the rest of the guys."

	"Not a problem," I told him, digging out my disk box.  I held up an
unmarked disk from the back of the box.  "I've got a backup copy just in
case.  Good thing, too.  Brian came in here last night and erased the other
copy I made of them, so I'm taking no chances."

	I picked up my computer and Kevin and I returned to the living room, where
Kathy was just finishing up her conversation with Nick.

	"What did he want?" I asked Brian, setting the computer on the coffee table
and sitting down beside him on the floor.  His shirt had pulled up a little
at the front, showing his belly button.  I put my hand on his stomach and
slipped it up under his shirt.

	Brian smiled up at me.  "Nothing much, I guess.  Just wanted to say hi, and
to make sure that we still wanted him to come to Toronto next week."

	I frowned a little.  "He's not still upset about what happened, is he?" I
whispered.

	"I don't think so.  He's just thinking that we'll want to be together, and
he'll be the third wheel."

	An idea clicked in my head and I grinned.  "What if we invited a fourth
wheel to keep him company?"

	"Who?"

	I leaned down and kissed him.  "My other boyfriend."

	Brian's grin burst through.  "Are you thinking what I think you're
thinking?"

	I laughed and shrugged.  "I'm just thinking that I might want to invite my
good friend Erron to come with us, if he can.  You know, to keep Nick
company when we *do* want to be alone together."  I fought to keep the gleam
out of my eye as I said it.

	"Sure," he responded, letting me know that he didn't believe me a bit.
"You just happen to want to invite your friend.  The one with a huge crush
on Nick."

	"What are you two whispering about?" Kevin asked, catching our attention.

	"Nothing," we said together, making us look even more guilty.

	"Yeah right," JC laughed, coming back into the room with Matt.

	"Just talking about something for next week," I grinned.  I picked up my
phone from Kathy's knee and flipped it open, hitting a speed-dial button.  I
started walking toward the door as the call was answered.

	"Hello?"

	"Hello darling," I said seductively, raising more than a few eyebrows in
the room.  Brian just laughed.  "How's my boy?"  I left them all guessing as
I headed for the kitchen.

	"Hello yourself," Erron answered.  "What's the matter?  Brian finally come
to his senses and kick you out the door?"

	"Not exactly, but you'd be my first call," I laughed.

	"That's because I'm just too damned irresistible."

	"No, I was thinking that you'd make the perfect meaningless rebound boy."

	Erron started laughing.  "That's nice, Nate.  Real nice.  I hope you
weren't calling to ask for a favour."

	"Actually, no.  I'm calling to see what you're going to be doing next
week."

	"Same old same old," he said. "Why?"

	"Can you get it off of work?"

	"Probably.  Why?"

	"Interested in a bit of a road trip?"

	"Nate, tell me why or I'll spend next week kicking your sweet little heinie
all over the city."

	"Jeez, you call up and offer a guy a vacation, and he threatens your sweet
little heinie," I laughed.  "I was just wondering if you wanted to go with
Brian and I up to Jeff and Cindy's cabin for the week."

	"Cabin's aren't really my thing.  You know that."

	"This isn't an ordinary cabin, my boy."

	"I don't know..."

	"Sweetie, who knows you better than I do?"

	"Not many people," he conceded.

	"Then trust me.  You'll have a great time.  This place is nicer than your
apartment, and nicer than my apartment combined.  You know Cindy comes from
money, right?"

	"Yeah..."

	"Well, this cabin was her grandparent's retirement home.  It's incredible.
Just trust me."

	"Isn't Brian going to mind you inviting me along?  I mean, he's probably
looking forward to some alone time with you."

	I grinned, thinking about how like Nick he was, always thinking of someone
else.  I also grinned at the expression I knew was going to be on his face
when he saw Nick walk through the door.  "Christ, boy, would you trust me
already?  You really think I haven't talked to him about this?  He wants you
to come along too."

	"I don't know.  It sounds like something I would want to do with my
boyfriend, and only my boyfriend."

	I pulled my mouth from the phone.  "POOKIE!"

	"Yes dear?" Brian called from the living room.

	"I'm lonely!"

	I knew from the teasing that I could hear from the others that Brian was on
his way.  He came into the room with a big grin on his face.  "Can't have
you being lonely."

	I put my arm around him and put my other hand over the phone so Erron
couldn't hear me.  "Tell him that you want him to come, but don't tell him
about Nick coming too.  I'm going to surprise him."

	"He's going to flip," Brian smirked.

	I nodded.  "Yeah, that's what I'm counting on, but he's being as bad as
Nick is.  Keeps saying that it's something that the two of us should be
doing together, without him."

	"Okay, let me talk to him."  I handed Brian the phone and moved around
behind him, kissing his neck.  "Hi, Erron."  Brian swatted at my head, but I
ignored him.  I knew he didn't really want me to stop.  "No, really, I want
you to come along... No, Erron, listen, there's lots of stuff that Nate and
I can do just the two of us, even if you're there.  You've got to sleep
sometimes, right?"  I chuckled and nibbled on Brian's ear as he laughed.

	"Yeah, I do.  Look, can you get off work?  Good, then you're coming along
with us... Okay then, it's settled... yeah, we'll call you later in the week
when we know exactly when we'll get there... Nate's got to do a talk at his
high school, and then I think we're going to be leaving... Then it's
settled?  Okay then."

	There was a longer pause then, while I continued to nuzzle into Brian's
neck, running my hands up the front of his shirt.  When he started talking
again, it was in a different tone.

	"Erron, Nate's still in the room you know... Well, yeah, that does sound
like fun... No, he's never done that... not very adventurous at all, no...
Ooh, I think I'd like that.  Why didn't you mention that while I was in
Toronto?  Maybe we could have..."

	I grabbed the phone away.  "Just what do you think you're doing with my
boyfriend?" I asked.  I was greeted with a dial tone.

	"You're so gullible," Brian laughed, running for the living room.  I
flipped the phone closed and slipped it into my pocket as I took off after
him.

	I caught up to him as he entered the living room and tackled him, pulling
him down to the floor with me, then rolling over on top of him.  "You're in
so much trouble, little man."

	"I have a feeling that you're going to be too," Matt laughed, indicating
the computer in front of him when we both looked up.

	"What's that?" Brian asked, sitting up.

	Matt reached out and turned it around so that Brian could see my slide
show.  I grinned as he realised what it was, and grabbed him as he tried to
close the monitor.

	"I didn't know your door swung both ways," JC laughed, leaning back on the
couch and pulling Matt against him.

	"I can't believe you," Brian turned to me, trying not to smile.  "You know
I'm going to have to erase those too."

	"Go ahead.  I have a couple of backup copies.  Oh, and Matt?  I put a set
on your computer as well, just in case you wanted them."

	"Who wouldn't want them?" Matt grinned.

	"I'm going to kill you," Brian said, finally giving in and laughing.  "And
you can forget any fun stuff tonight."

	"Nuh uh," I grinned.  "You promised twice when we got here, and there's
only been that one..." I looked up, remembering suddenly that we weren't
alone.  JC and Matt were both smiling at us, waiting for me to finish.
Kevin was embarrassed for me, and Kathy looked like she wanted to have a
video camera.  "Never mind," I finished.

	"No no, please, continue," JC grinned.  "It was just getting interesting."

	"I think not.  But maybe you'd like to come watch later?" I suggested.
"Kevin's always trying to get into the room, why not you?"

	"You know, if the four of us..." JC started.

	Matt put his hand over his boyfriend's mouth.  "Let's just let that one go,
shall we?"

	"Better yet, why don't we just go?" Kathy asked, smiling at me. We agreed
that it was a good idea and quickly gathered our stuff.


	PART 83

	Within minutes we were piling into Matt's SUV and on our way.  Brian and I
sat together, and I saw his eyes open wider as Matt gained speed.
Remembering my trip to the mall and back with him, and the comparisons to
the autobahn that it had produced, I just smiled at him.

	I also let my hand fall to his thigh, in a selfless attempt to distract him
from the possibility of our careening to our deaths at any moment.  It
seemed to work until we encountered something even more distracting.  The
neighbourhood that Matt was taking us through left a bit to be desired.
Well, perhaps `a bit' was an understatement.

	"Graceland is here?" Brian whispered to me.

	I didn't know a thing about it, other than the fact that it was in Memphis,
so I just shrugged.  "I guess so, though you would think he would have gone
a bit more upscale, wouldn't you?"

	"Yeah, this isn't where I would choose if I were going to build a structure
that would be synonymous with my name."

	"They already built that one," I grinned, moving my hand.  "It's called the
Washington Monument."

	"Please," I heard Kevin mutter under his breath.  I just smiled at Brian
and winked.

	"We can discuss that a bit later," Brian whispered.

	"Count on it."  I moved my hand back to his thigh.  Kevin cleared his
throat gently, making us both smile again.

	We rode in silence for a moment, watching the neighbourhood around us and
wondering if it was going to improve before we actually got to the house.
Finally, Brian broke our personal silence.  "I just don't get it.  What was
he thinking?"

	That last must have carried, because it made Matt laugh from the front
seat.  "He wasn't all that concerned about the property values of the area
at the time.  This place used to be a lot more up-scale than it is now."
	Brian smiled at me, then at Matt, who was watching us in the rear-view
mirror.  "What?  We weren't talking about him.  We were wondering what you
were thinking driving into this neighbourhood."

	I smiled as Kathy told him to shut up.  "It's not that bad.  It's mostly a
tourist attraction, and the city isn't about to let one of its biggest draws
become the sight of `America's Most Wanted.'" She turned in her seat so that
Brian and I could see the smile pasted on her face.

	"So," Kevin asked, making a rather transparent attempt to get us off the
subject of the neighbourhood.  "How many times have you been there?"

	I watched Matt's grin appear in the mirror again.  "Honestly?  Never."
Everyone but Kathy seemed surprised, making both Matt and our beautiful
female companion laugh.

	Kathy explained that it was a tourist attraction, and that most people in
Memphis didn't even think about going there unless they had people visiting
from out of town.  Once she said it like that, I understood.  If you lived
in Toronto full-time, you very rarely even thought about going to the CN
Tower, or on a tour of the SkyDome, or even to the Metro Toronto Zoo most of
the time, though there were always exceptions to that, as I supposed there
were to the Graceland rule.

	Looking at Brian, Kevin and JC, I saw understanding dawn on their faces as
well.  Remembering that they were all based out of Orlando, I realised that
they probably experienced the same sort of thing with Disney.  I could
imagine that, after a while, you almost forgot that the Magic Kingdom was
even there.

	When I glanced back out the window, I discovered that we were there.
Everyone else seemed to come to the realisation as well, and we were soon
all stretching in the seats, trying to see the actual house.  I heard Kevin
groan when we pulled into the parking lot, and turned to see the lot jammed
full of both people and vehicles.  They were everywhere, and I couldn't see
how we would be able to get out of the vehicle without someone recognising
us.

	"This doesn't look too promising," Kevin said, voicing the thoughts of
everyone in the vehicle.  Well, everyone but Matt apparently.

	Asking for a little faith, Matt smiled back at us and pulled around behind
the building, bringing us to the area where buses were supposed to park.
Almost immediately, we were stopped by a guard.

	Matt put the window down to talk to him.  "I'm sorry sir," the guard said
almost before the window was completely down.  "This area is closed for the
time being.  If you'll wait in the visitor parking area, tours will resume
later this afternoon."

	Matt got a smug look on his face.  If I hadn't known him a little better
than that, I would have seen it as arrogance.  I wondered if the guard saw
it that way, and whether we'd be the subject of the guard's coffee-break
later in the day.  But he smiled as soon as Matt introduced himself.
	"Oh, Miss Montrose's friend?  Right this way, Mr. Hunter," he said
pleasantly.  I had a feeling that we were getting a first-hand demonstration
of southern hospitality.  He directed us toward the building, and an empty
parking space that was waiting there for us.

	Kathy and Matt spent a few seconds discussing this Michelle woman who was
going out of her way for us as Matt parked, then we climbed out of the car.
The same guard came over to talk to us, telling us to wait there for Miss
Montrose.

	We gathered around behind the car and talked for a few minutes until one of
the small shuttle buses came around the main building and into the lot.  I
heard JC mutter something under his breath as we watched the bus come to a
stop in front of us.

	A woman, whom I assumed was the infamous Michelle Montrose, opened the bus
door and called out to us, asking if we were going to gape at her or get
onto the bus for the tour.

	JC said something else that I didn't catch, but I saw Matt smile as he
urged his boyfriend and the rest of us onto the bus, offering introductions
as we passed her.  I could see the recognition in her eyes as she welcomed
JC, Kevin and Brian, but there wasn't a glimmer at the mention of my name.
Apparently we needed to step up PR on my book.

	Smiling to myself at the thought, and reminding myself not to bring it up
when I spoke with Carrie the next time, I took a seat with Brian.

	"What are you smiling about?" he asked as Michelle sped through the lot.

	"Just thinking about how great anonymity is," I told him.  "She didn't bat
an eye when Matt said my name."

	Brian just laughed as we raced across the street and through the gates of
the property.  I thought I saw a guard dive out of the way, but I passed it
off as my creative mind getting out of control.  Stuff like that didn't
really happen in real life, did it?

	We turned our attention back to Michelle as she drove us up to the house.
Not surprisingly, she was a font of useless Elvis knowledge.  When we came
to a stop again, Michelle urged us back off the bus and into the house,
continuing her tour information all the time.

	We sort of split up when we got into the house.  Michelle kept talking, but
we kind of ignored her for the most part.  Since I wasn't really much of a
fan of Elvis, I didn't personally care about how he did this or that.  I was
interested in looking at how the man lived.

	Brian and I slipped out of the first room and continued to look around.  I
felt his hand brush mine and looked over at him.  "Are we allowed to..."

	I shrugged.  "I guess we should have asked Matt whether Michelle was to
know about us or not.  I imagine he trusts her, since she babysat for him,
but I don't know whether he trusts her that much or not."
	Brian sighed and brushed my hand again. "But I want to hold your hand."

	I gave him a smile and looked back into the other room, meaning to get Matt
alone and ask him what the deal with Michelle was.  As it turned out, I
didn't really need to.  They were standing looking at something out of my
field of vision, talking quietly.  But more importantly, JC was standing
with his hand on Matt's waist.  It was definitely more than a friendly
gesture.

	Brian noticed me looking and got a smile on his face as well.  "What the
hell," he whispered, and I felt his hand close over mine.  "If there's a
problem, we'll have Matt talk to her."

	Sounded good to me.  Of course, anything that allowed me to hold any part
of Brian's anatomy sounded good to me.   I gave his hand a squeeze and went
back to looking around.  "This room is nice."

	I had heard some comments about Elvis's decorating style, but the dining
area was actually approaching tasteful.  There was a beautiful grand piano
set off to the side, through a couple of ornately decorated glass doors.  We
poked around a little bit more, moving through different rooms.  Coming
across a staircase, Brian and I climbed a couple of stairs and looked up,
trying to find out what was up there.

	"Ah ah ah," Michelle said, scaring us both then laughing a little.  "I'm
not even allowed up there."

	That made us even more curious, but I knew from the look on her face that
there was no way we were going to get up there to find out what the secret
was.  I noticed her glance at our interlocked hands and smile, and knew that
we were safe.

	"Oh, Michelle, before I forget, thanks for arranging this for us," Brian
said, returning her smile.  "If there's anything we can do to make it up to
you, just ask.  Maybe an autographed CD or something?"

	"That's not necessary, Mr. Littrell."

	"Brian, please," Brian's smile went to full blast.

	"Brian, then.  It's really not necessary, though I wouldn't turn down a CD
if it happened to show up."  Her smile grew as well.

	"Consider it done," he told her, then looked at me.  "And maybe Nate here
could hook you up with an autographed copy of his book."  He winked at me,
and the gleam in his eyes was almost bright enough to blind me.

	"Nate Healy..." Michelle said, looking at me with a slight and very brief
frown.  "Nathaniel Healy!  Of course!"

	"Nice to meet you," I said lamely, offering her my hand.

	"I'm sorry I didn't recognise the name, but Matt called you Nate, and..."

	"Don't worry about it.  I enjoy not being a superstar, actually.  But, if
you'd like that autographed book, I'll make sure it's attached to the CD
Brian mentioned."

	"Thanks!"

	"No problem." I gave her a smile, then Brian excused us and we continued
our walk through the house.

	"So much for your anonymity," Brian chuckled, as soon as we were out of
earshot.

	"You're dead, pookie."

	"You don't scare me."  He pulled me to a stop and looked at me.  "You turn
me on, but you don't scare me."

	"Well then maybe I'll just leave you turned on for awhile.  Let you take
care of it yourself."  I gave him a grin and headed for the stairs that led
downstairs.

	"Nate," Brian whined, following me.

	"Nope, too late."  But I didn't drop his hand when it took mine again.

	"Oh My God," Brian said, then started laughing.  We had emerged into quite
possibly the ugliest room known to man.  It was like stumbling upon some
great archaeological find.  Legends foretold of a room so ugly that the
viewer would be tempted to rip out his own eyes upon seeing it.  We had
found that room.

	"Did Elvis, by any chance, go through a period where he was blind?" I
asked, looking around and trying not to give in to the sensory overload that
threatened.

	"One thing's for sure.  He was one hundred percent straight," Brian
laughed.  "There's no way any self-respecting gay man would have created
this."

	"Get me out of here," I grinned, and laughed as Brian dragged me through
the doorway.  We entered into another pretty damned ugly room, but it looked
downright tasteful compared to the last one.

	"Shag carpeting," Brian said, smiling.

	"Now this is the height of cool," I agreed.  "You gotta love a guy who's
not afraid of the shag carpeting."  The floor was completely covered in
thick green shag carpet, and the rest of the room was decorated in an
African motif.

	"You know what would be kind of cool?" Brian asked, pulling me toward the
corner of the room.

	"What would that be?"

	"Making out in the King's house," he laughed, pulling me against him.

	"Try to keep yourselves under control, would you?" Kathy grinned as she and
Kevin entered the room.

	"Easy for you to say," I laughed, backing away a bit, but not out of
Brian's arms.  "You're not taking the tour with a devastatingly handsome
man."

	"Thanks a lot," Kevin said, reaching out to cuff me in the head.

	"Oh, Kevvy," I cooed with a wink.  "You're not devastatingly handsome.
You're beeeoootiful."  Reaching out, I pinched his cheeks until he laughed
and knocked my hands away.

	"Welcome to the Jungle Room," Michelle announced from behind Kathy and
Kevin.  All four of us jumped a little bit, which made her smile.  "I'll see
if I can't track down our stragglers."  She turned and headed back out into
the room we had just come from.  I wanted to warn her to avert her eyes, but
I couldn't think of anywhere in that room that would be safe to avert them
to.

	 I gave Kevin another wink, making him grab Kathy by the arm and lead her
through the doorway.  Brian laughed and pulled me back to him.  "Now where
were we?"

	"Where we always are when Kevin interrupts us," I smiled, then leaned in to
kiss him again.  His arms came around me as he backed us against the wall.
I broke the kiss and looked at him.  "You know, this room isn't nearly as
ugly with you in it."

	"Sweet-talker," Brian laughed, then pulled me into another kiss.

	"Ahem."  Either JC was looking to get our attention or he had a *huge* frog
in his throat.  Pulling away from Brian with a smile, I saw it mirrored on
his face.

	"What?" Brian asked as we looked over at Matt and JC in the doorway.  "It's
romantic."

	Matt looked around the room quickly, then settled his unbelieving eyes on
us again.  "It's thirty-year-old shag carpeting with tacky African decor."

	I grinned at him.  "But at least the carpet's green."  I felt Brian's hand
slip around my waist as Matt shook his head.

	Michelle appeared again and ushered us up the stairs and out through the
back of the house.  She guided us through the office, which did nothing to
grab my attention.  To be honest, everything looked kind of bland after the
sensory overload of the basement of the house.  None of us seemed all that
interested in the racquetball building, but that changed as soon as we
stepped into the trophy room.

	The room was full of the awards that Elvis had accumulated.  I knew that
JC, Brian and Kevin would be awestruck by the number of platinum and gold
records on display, and wondered if we were going to have to go looking for
a dish to collect the drool.

	Michelle let us wander around as long as she dared, then warned us that we
had to move along if we didn't want a bunch of company.  Apparently there
was a tour group moving around behind us, waiting until we cleared an area
before they entered it.  But, there was also apparently a limit on how long
you could delay a group of rabid Elvis fans.


	So, Michelle took us outside again, into what she called `Meditation
Garden'.  It was the little garden where Elvis, along with several members
of his family, were interred.

	I stood looking out at the markers, and smiled as Brian put his arms around
me.  "You thinking about another cemetery?" He asked softly.

	"Sort of," I admitted.  It was only natural that the sight of the markers
would make me think of my parents.  "But I'm doing okay."

	Brian put his head on my chest and hugged me for a moment before planting a
kiss on my cheek.  "I love you."

	I smiled.  "I love you too, pookie."

	"I wish you'd stop calling me `pookie', though."

	"Too bad.  Remember how you latched onto `sweetie'?"

	"Yeah, but you came to like it."

	"Then you better start warming up to `pookie'."

	"Bitch," he laughed, hugging me tighter, then releasing me and walking
toward the bus where everyone was waiting for us.

	"That's sexy bitch to you," I smiled, following him.


	Michelle abandoned us at this point, telling us to go and watch a movie
about Elvis, and what his life had been like.  Walking into the theatre, we
found it empty.  Taking our seats, Brian's arm was immediately around me,
and we did what couples are supposed to do in darkened theatres.  I was sure
that Elvis would understand our missing a few moments in his life to create
a few in our own.

	I vaguely remembered Michelle dropping by for a moment to tell us where to
go next, but I hadn't a clue where that was until Kevin spoke up.  "She
wanted us to go to the Automobile Museum," he said, trying to look stern.
"Am I the only one who was paying attention?"  I just smiled and gave Brian
another quick kiss, then took his hand and pulled him out of the seat so
that we could follow the others.

	I had to laugh when we got there.  Matt was practically drooling over the
cars and motorcycles that we discovered.  "I didn't know he was so butch,"
Brian snickered, and I nudged him in the stomach to keep him quiet.  By this
time we were in the `Drive-In Theatre',

	It was basically another small theatre, this one showing clips from Elvis
movies instead of about the man himself.  But in this one, the seats were
replicas of old cars which was, obviously, where the name came from.
Claiming cars, we climbed in and settled in to watch the movie.

	I noticed Kevin and Kathy laughing and looked over at Matt and JC.  We both
started to laugh as well when we saw JC pull Matt into the backseat of their
car.  I turned and arched my eyebrows at Brian.  "So we meet again."

	"Might as well make use of it," Brian laughed, climbing over the seat and
dropping into the back.  "I'm sure they won't mind us stealing their idea."
Who was I to argue with reasoning like that?



	"Um, guys?"  There was a soft knock against the side of the car.  "Movie's
over."

	"Start it again," I panted as Brian moved his mouth from mine and settled
it behind my ear instead.  "I liked it."

	"You can't even name one movie they took a clip from!" Kathy laughed,
banging on the top of the car.  I noticed that they were both avoiding
actually looking inside.

	Brian's lips moved away long enough to say "Jailhouse Rock".  I would have
added another, but he had taken the only Elvis movie I could think of.

	Seeing a shadow pass across my closed eyelids, I opened them to find the
smiling face of JC looking down on me.  "Something's rocking, all right, but
it's not the jailhouse."

	With a sigh, I nudged Brian's lips away with my shoulder, and forced him to
sit up so that I could pull myself out from under him.  "You're as bad as
Kevin, JC!"

	"But cuter," he smiled proudly before extracting his head again.

	"Fix yourselves up," Kevin laughed, pointing at us as we climbed out of our
car.

	I looked at Brian and smiled.  His shirt was untucked, his hair was messed
up, and his clothes were seriously rumpled.  Looking down at myself, I found
that I looked just as bad.  I smoothed out my clothes and tucked everything
that needed to be tucked, then looked back to Kevin for approval.

	"It'll pass, but your hair's on end."  He was trying hard to look stern,
but his smile kept spoiling it.

	"Here."  JC came over and put his hands to my head, smoothing and bringing
it back under control.  Kathy laughed and went to help Brian.

	Before long, we were back to good and leaving the theatre.  Glancing at his
watch, Matt asked if we minded skipping the air planes and the final museum,
which apparently housed Elvis's personal stuff.  None of us really minded at
all.

	As we got into the car again, we talked briefly about being glad that we
had done the Graceland tour, despite whatever reservations we had had about
actually enjoying ourselves.

	When Kathy asked what we wanted to do next, and Matt suggested Graceland,
he threw us all off.  Well, all but Kathy.  She seemed to be enjoying the
looks of amusement on our faces.  "Sweetie," JC said with a smile, "I hate
to point out the obvious, but that's where we just left."

	Matt and Kathy started to laugh, and Kathy explained that it was the name
of a restaurant on Beale Street.  `Elvis Presley's Graceland'.

	At the name of the street, I said "Home of the blues" before I had even
thought about it.  When it became clear that more than just Brian had heard
me, I smiled.  "Sounds like fun."

	"That's good, because we're almost there," Matt said with a laugh.  He
turned us off of the interstate again, and it might have been my
imagination, but Brian's hand seemed to ease up on mine as we did so.  I
smiled as I, along with just about everyone else in the car, turned to gawk
at the downtown area.

	"They've really done a lot to try and restore this part of town," Kathy
said as Matt pulled into a parking lot just up from the sign advertising the
club.  I barely heard her, though.  I was busy looking at the sign, my mind
reeling over how much mileage these people could get out of one icon.

	Then Kevin spotted a different icon altogether.  "How about we go there
instead?" he asked, looking around for approval as he pointed to another
sign.  "I don't know about you guys but I've had enough Elvis for one day."

	We all looked in the direction that he was pointing and I smiled as I read
the sign.  "Sounds good to me."  Everyone else agreed and we headed further
up Beale Street toward BB's.

	As we walked, Kevin started to whistle.  It took me a minute to place the
song, but when I did, I joined him.  Brian grinned and waited for the right
point to come in, then started to sing under his breath, just loud enough
for the rest of us to hear him.

	"Now I'm walking in Memphis,
	Got my feet ten feet off of Beale..."

	He only got that far before Kathy elbowed Brian in the stomach and we all
started laughing.

	"If ever there was an appropriate time to be singing that song, it's now,"
Brian defended us.

	"I hate that song," Kathy said, elbowing him again as Matt pulled open the
door to the restaurant.  "Appropriate or not, one more note out of you and
you'll be eating dinner through a straw."

	I couldn't help myself.  Making sure that Brian and Kevin were between
Kathy and I, I whistled another few notes.  Kathy stopped moving
immediately, but didn't turn around.   Brian nudged me and turned with a
smile.  "Shut up, she'll think it's me."

	"I know who it was," she announced, finally turning to look at us.  I gave
her a smile and a little wave, then Kevin pushed her into the building.

	"You're asking for trouble, you know."

	"How could I get into trouble with my oh-so-manly boyfriend here to defend
me?" I whispered, using the excuse of leaning over and catching the door to
put my lips near his ear.  "Unless you're planning on abandoning me like you
did with AJ."  I pushed him inside ahead of me as he smiled.

	"I'd never abandon you," he said as we wandered to the table that Matt and
JC had claimed.  Kathy and Kevin were just sitting down as well.  With all
of the noise in the place, we could speak normally without really being
afraid of being overheard.  "And as soon as Kathy was done with you, I'd be
there to nurse you back to health."

	"How sweet."  I passed in front of him to get to my seat, letting my hand
brush against a very responsive part of him.  "But if she gets hold of me, I
might not be able to play for a while."

	"Well, when you put it that way..." Brian grabbed my shoulders and pulled
me back past him, moving forward so that my hand brushed him again.  He took
my seat beside Kathy with a grin, separating us.  I laughed and sat down
beside JC in the seat Brian was going to take.

	"What are you two doing?" Matt asked, looking at us with a smile.

	"Nothing,"  I jumped a little bit as Brian's hand landed on my knee under
the table.  It was a good thing that we were against the wall.  Unless
someone was actually under the table, they wouldn't be able to see it.

	"I was just trying to keep Kathy from putting him out of commission for a
while," Brian told him, moving his hand a little higher on my leg.

	"Don't worry," Kathy grinned.  "I wouldn't hurt anything too valuable."

	"Well your idea of valuable and my idea of valuable might be two different
things."

	"I think we all know what you consider valuable," Kevin laughed.

	I smiled at the squeeze that my leg received as I looked around me.  We had
entered through a very small gift shop, though we hadn't really stopped to
take much of it in.  The club itself was the main draw, and had captured our
attention immediately.

	The lighting was only a little bit higher than necessary to see what you
were eating, and that seemed appropriate given the atmosphere.  There was a
very interesting feel to the room.  It was very bluesy which, of course, was
appropriate.  Like blues music had always seemed to me, and I was far from
an expert, the place looked complicated yet natural.  Like it had been
arranged on some divinely-inspired whim.

	The room was full of tables and chairs, giving it a very comfortable
feeling without seeming crowded.  Matt and JC had managed to get us a table
on the far right wall, so that we had a great view of the entire room,
including the stage that was opposite us.  There was no dance floor, but
given the type of music that was normally played, I didn't think it was
really missed.

	Our waitress came and took our drink orders, then disappeared again,
weaving easily through what seemed to be a maze of tables, about
three-quarters of which had people sitting at them.

	"Nice place," Brian commented, looking around us.  "Though it seems a
little bland after some of those rooms this afternoon."

	Matt grinned and nodded.  "But I just don't think BB would go for a jungle
room atmosphere."

	"Thank god," Kevin and I said at the same time, laughing.

	"Hey," JC said, pointing at me and Brian and lowering his voice a little.
"You were the ones who thought it was romantic."

	I smiled at him and lowered my own voice, leaning forward a little.  "Would
it be just too cheesy to handle if I said that anywhere with Brian was
romantic?"

	He looked at me seriously for a minute, then nodded.  "Yeah, it would.
Good thing we haven't eaten yet."

	"Besides," Kathy added, "you didn't seem to find anything too romantic in
that pool room."

	"Ugh.  Not even my presence could make that room bearable," Brian laughed,
causing the rest of us to roll our eyes.

	Kevin and JC got into a conversation about the soft music that was playing
on the speaker system as we waited for our drinks to arrive.  As Kathy and
Brian started talking as well, I turned my eyes back out over the room,
enjoying the laid-back feel of the club.

	As I watched a group of people just entering through the doors, my gaze
fell on another table across the room, I found a pair of eyes looking back
at me.  They belonged to a young girl, about thirteen or so.  She had long
blonde hair and looked to be about to scream.

	It must have registered on my face, because Matt was soon touching my arm
to get my attention.  "What's going on?"

	I didn't say anything for a moment, keeping my eye on the girl until I was
sure that she wasn't going to explode or anything, then looked over at him.
"We've been spotted."  My voice must have carried, because the rest of the
table stopped talking and looked at me.  "There's a girl over there by the
door, and she's watching us like a hawk."

	Brian raised his head and looked.  Obvious as ever.  Kathy and I both
smacked him, and he lowered his head again.  "Are you sure about that?"
Kevin asked.

	"Well, unless Matt and Kathy are used to a lot more attention from perfect
strangers than I am, I'd say you guys are the main attraction."

	"Then I guess we're on good behaviour while we're here."  It was amazing
how quickly Kevin went into parental mode.  We all nodded and tried to avoid
looking toward the doors.  "Um, Brian?  That means that you probably should
get your hand out of Nate's lap."

	Brian's cheeks flushed and his hand disappeared.  Neither one of us
bothered to ask how Kevin knew it was there.  After a while, you just got
used to him doing stuff like that.  The waitress returned with our drinks,
and we apologised for not being ready to order our food.  She assured us
that it was okay, and promised to come back in a few minutes.

	Picking up our menus, we talked about our day so far.

	"So Nate," Kathy said with a smile a few moments later.  "What was your
favourite part of the film about Elvis's movies?"

	I bit my lip and tried not to blush too badly.  "Um..."

	"Yeah, Nate.  What was the best part?"  Brian turned all of his attention
on me, watching me squirm.

	"Well, I thought that the part where... when... Um, it was all good."

	"Surely you must have a favourite part."  Brian wasn't about to let it go.

	My mind finally kicked into gear, and I smiled.  "Well yes, I do have a
favourite part, but the movie ended before I got to see it." I winked at
him.  "That seems to happen a lot when you're around.  Things are over
before I know it."

	"Oooh," everyone at the table said, smiling at us.

	"Keep it up and you might never get to enjoy that particular part again,"
Brian whispered, leaning over to me so that he wouldn't be overheard.
Thankfully, the tables on either side of us were empty.

	"Ahem.  Best behaviour," Kevin reminded.

	He straightened up again and picked up his menu.  I smiled and
'accidentally' kicked him under the table.  I was just taking a sip of my
drink when I heard "I'll get you later" muttered under his breath.
	"Mmm hmm," I muttered back.

	"Have you decided?" the waitress asked, appearing right beside us.

	"I think so," Kevin said, looking around to find each of us nodding.  The
waitress started with him and went around the table.

	The waitress turned her smile up a notch when she got to me, and seemed
more attentive than when she was talking to the others, which threw me off a
bit.  I could see the smile starting on Matt's face, since she couldn't see
him, and knew that I was in for some teasing over it.  I put a smile on my
face to answer hers and gave her my order.

	So far, we had each chosen something different, but southern.  I  had
decided on the total comfort food approach, ordering the fried pork chops
with mashed potatoes and gravy.  I also asked for a refill on my drink,
which she assured me would only take a minute.

	Things fell apart when she got to Brian.  "I'll have a cheeseburger and
fries," he told her with a smile.

	I reached out and put my hand on her arm, stopping her from writing.  "No
he won't."

	"I won't?"

	"You're telling me that we're sitting in BB King's restaurant in Memphis,
and you're going  to order something you can get at any McDonalds on the
planet?"

	"Come on, Bri," Kevin said, joining in.  "Broaden the horizons a little."

	Brian sighed dramatically and turned back to the menu.  I smiled and rubbed
his foot with mine.  He grinned and kicked me under the table, which made me
laugh.  The waitress once again turned her attention to me.

	"Sorry," I told her.  "Just thought of something funny."  I saw JC roll his
eyes at the excuse.  He had no doubt felt the table move when Brian kicked
me.

	"He's a little slow," Brian valiantly defended me, then ordered the fried
shrimp and a baked sweet potato.

	Kathy gave her order, and the waitress left us again, giving me another
smile.  As soon as she was gone, I smacked Brian on the hand with my spoon.

	"Someone's got an admirer," Matt said, looking after the waitress.  I felt
my cheeks getting hot and looked away from the table a bit.

	"Isn't that cute, he's shy," Kathy joined in.

	"I just don't get why it would be Nate," Brian said.

	"Oh thanks a lot," I laughed, looking back at him.  "That's the nicest
thing anyone's ever said to me!"

	Brian grinned.  "That's not what I meant.  I meant that, given the rest of
us at the table, I don't understand why she would be making eyes at you."

	"You're not helping your case, Brian," JC laughed, seeing the look on my
face.

	Brian thought about it for a second, then chuckled.  "Okay, let me try that
again."

	"I think I'd rather you didn't, Brian.  I seem to be getting more hideous
every time you open your mouth.  And don't you even think about it," I said,
indicating the hand that was slipping under the table again.

	Brian turned his smile up a bit and casually brushed the side of my hand
with his.  "Fine, be that way.  I just meant that there were three pretty
famous guys sitting here, and she didn't even bat an eyelash."

	"She was batting them alright," Kathy said.  "You're just jealous that she
wasn't batting them at you."

	"Yeah," I agreed, sitting up in my seat a little.  "You're just having a
hard time dealing with the fact that I'm infinitely more attractive than you
are."  I stuck my tongue out at him, knowing that the room was far too
crowded for him to try and grab it.

	"Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say infinitely..." Kathy started, but
stopped when the waitress returned with my drink refill.

	"Thank, Ms..." I said, giving her my best smile.

	"Gina, sir," she supplied.

	"Well, thank you, Gina.  And please, call me Nate."

	"Okay, Nate."  Gina smiled at me for a second longer, then seemed to
remember that she actually had a job to do.  "If you'll excuse me..."

	"Sure, sorry to keep you," I said sweetly.

	"No problem, sir... Nate."  Gina walked a few steps before she turned away
from me, then was swallowed up by customers and other waitresses.

	"Holy flirting, Batman!" JC laughed, clapping me on the shoulder.

	I smiled and turned to Brian, expecting to find him smiling too.  Instead,
he looked troubled, and kind of sad.  I had to wonder what was going on,
since he must have known that my flirting with the waitress was just a joke,
and completely harmless.

	Kevin noticed as well.  "Hey Bri, he was just kidding."

	Brian turned to look at Kevin for a minute, then seemed to give himself a
mental shake.  "Yeah, I know.  Just got thinking for a minute."

	"Well cut it out," I laughed.  "You're freaking me out."  Brian's smile
surfaced, but just barely.  I had a feeling that we were going to have to
have a talk about this later, but there wasn't much we could do in a crowded
restaurant, so after a final worried glance at him, I let it go.

	As we waited for our food to arrive, JC, Kevin and Brian set in on shop
talk.  Studio problems and concert headaches, cities that they had enjoyed
playing in, names of people that both groups had worked with.  Matt, Kathy
and I followed along as best we could, but we were well aware of the fact
that we were out of the loop.

	I was beginning to wish that our seating arrangements were different.  As
it was, Brian was between Kathy and I, JC was between Matt and I, and Kevin
was between Kathy and Matt.  We'd have to override everyone else if we were
going to have a conversation of our own.  Looking from one to the other, I
saw that they were thinking the same thing that I was.

	Finally, we were saved by the waitress returning to the table.  She quickly
set our plates in front of us, then asked if there was anything else that we
needed.  There wasn't, so she moved on to the next table after giving me yet
another smile, pulling out her little pad of paper and a pen.

	We continued the fine art of talking about nothing as we ate.  Matt, Kathy
and I managed to step in and divert the conversation when it looked like it
was moving away from our ability to participate.  It didn't take long for
the rest to pick up on it.

	"Sorry," Brian whispered to me.

	I shrugged it off and smiled at him, letting him know that it really wasn't
a big deal.  He was starting to come around, but there was still something
off about his behaviour.  I knew that everyone at the table was noticing it
too, by the questioning looks that they gave me whenever he wasn't looking.
But, the best I could do was shrug.  I didn't have any more idea what was
going on than they did.

	Dinner lasted a good long time.  We took our time eating, and shared off of
each other's plates every now and then.  I was intrigued by the hushpuppies
that Kevin ordered, and stole one off of his plate.  I was surprised and a
little disappointed when it turned out to be just a chunk of batter, but it
was tasty nonetheless.

	We were just finishing up our dinners when we noticed someone approaching
the table.  I looked up to find the girl that I had noticed earlier.  The
one that had been watching our table.  Seeing how nervous she was about
walking up to us, I gave her a smile and urged her forward.

	The girl came forward a little faster, though she was still obviously
nervous.  When she was standing between Kevin and Kathy, JC smiled at her
and asked if he could help her.

	"You're JC, right?" she asked, looking like she might just faint at any
moment.

	"That's me," he said.  "And who might you be?"

	The girl was in serious danger of exploding, I think.  "I'm Tracey."

	"Well, Tracey.  Did you come by just to say hi, or was there something that
you wanted?"

	She seemed to remember the little pad of paper that she was holding -
probably scavenged from the bottom of her mother's purse - and held it up.
"I was wondering if I could get your autograph?"

	Gina picked that moment to come back to the table to see if we wanted
dessert.  I noticed her eyes widen when she heard Tracey ask for JC's
autograph, and she looked over at me.  I just smiled and turned my attention
back to our new friend.

	"Sure could," JC said, giving her his killer smile.  He reached out and
took the paper from her, then asked if she had a pen.  For a second, she
started to panic, because she didn't have one.  Then, Gina saved the day by
giving him the one that she used to take orders.

	"Thanks, Gina," JC said, then bent over the paper and wrote Tracey a quick
note.  I leaned over to see what he was writing and smiled.  When we both
looked up again, Tracey had actually gone white.  She had noticed who else
was at the table.

	Knowing that they were caught, Kevin laughed and took the paper and pen
from JC, flipping to a new page.  "Would you like us to sign too?"  Tracey
could only nod, and Kevin laughed again as he started to write.

	Tracey finally found her voice as Kevin passed the notepad to Brian.  "I
thought you guys hated each other," she half-whispered, looking from Kevin
to Brian to JC.

	"Don't believe everything you read," JC told her.  "Would we be sitting
here eating together if we hated each other?"

	She agreed that they wouldn't then the floodgates finally opened and she
started gushing. "I *love* NSYNC!" she said, then remembered who was with us
and blushed.  "I love Backstreet Boys too," she quickly added, fearing that
she might have offended Brian and Kevin.

	"Don't worry about it, Tracey," Brian told her, finishing with the
autograph.  He handed the pen back to Gina, who returned to her duties since
we didn't want any dessert, and the paper back to Tracey.  "We know what you
meant."

	She then started to try and tell us just how much she loved each band, but
another woman came up behind her and put her hand on Tracey's shoulders.
"Tracey, sweetie, I think you've bothered them enough."
	"No bother, ma'am," Kevin said, giving the woman his friendliest smile.

	"Still, I think we should let you get back to your dinner.  Thanks for
humouring her."

	"No problem.  It was nice meeting you, Tracey."  Brian and JC agreed, and
Kathy, Matt and I joined in as well, though she hadn't a clue who we were.
It just felt like the polite thing to do.

	When Tracey and her mother had returned to their table, the young girl
talking animatedly all the way and taking several glances back in our
direction, I turned my smile on Brian.

	"See?  You've got an admirer too."  Everyone else at the table laughed, but
Brian merely smiled and nodded.  He really was beginning to worry me.  "Are
you okay?"  I leaned against him, whispering directly into his ear.

	I got another nod, then he turned and whispered back.  "I'm fine.  Just
being stupid, I guess.  We'll talk about it later, when we get back to
Matt's place."

	"You sure?"

	"I'm sure.  Let's just let it go for now."

	"Okay."  I started to raise my hand to run it through his hair, then
realised where we were and dropped it again.  "Okay."

	I looked back to find everyone at the table trying to look at us without
looking at us.  Catching Kevin's eye, I gave him a look to let him know that
I didn't know anything, then turned back to look at the stage, where there
was suddenly some activity.

	"Ladies and gentlemen," a young man announced, getting our attention.
"We've just learned that we have some rather famous company with us here
tonight."  Suddenly, there was a spotlight on our table.  "Mr. JC Chasez of
the popular singing group NSYNC, and Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell of
the Backstreet Boys!"

	The entire restaurant started clapping as they turned their attention to
us.  I was never more glad to not be instantly recognisable.

	"I'm sure if we give them a bit of encouragement, we can convince them to
come on up and do a song or two.  What do you say?"  The people started
clapping harder, with a few whistles thrown in.  After a few seconds, Kevin
arched his eyebrows at JC and Brian, who both nodded, and the three of them
stood up and worked their way toward the stage.  I smiled as Brian's hand
brushed my neck when he got up.

	Matt and Kathy changed seats so that they were on either side of me so that
they had a better view of the show.

	"So what's the deal with Brian?  His mood went downhill pretty fast," Kathy
commented as she shifted over.  Matt nodded, and they both looked to me.
The music over the speaker system was loud enough now, combined with the
chatter among the tables in anticipation of the guys' performance, that we
could talk without being overheard.

	"Don't ask me," I said.  "I haven't got a clue what that was about.  I'm
starting to worry about it, though.  I asked him if he was okay, and he said
he was.  He said he was just being stupid, and we'd talk about it later."

	"But I don't see what happened," Kathy pressed.  "One minute we were having
a great time, and then as soon as you were flirting with Gina, he went all
quiet."

	I shrugged with a slight frown.

	"Well, he said he was okay.  I guess we believe him until he says
differently.  When someone says that they're fine, even when they're
obviously not, there's not much else you can do."

	That got a smile out of me.  "Matt, my friend, you're preaching to the
choir on that one.  I'm the king of the `I'm fine' manoeuver."  A thought
occurred to me and I had to chuckle, which rose my companion's eyebrows.  "I
was just thinking that Brian's giving me a taste of my own medicine," I
explained.

	"You don't really think that he's being this way just to..."

	"No, not at all.  Something's bothering him.  That much is for sure.  But
while he isn't doing it intentionally, he's being just as frustrating as I
was before, when I kept insisting I was fine."

	I caught the look that passed between them.  They didn't have a clue what I
was talking about.  Nor would they, I realised.  There was no way for them
to know what Brian and I had been through unless Brian or Kevin had told
them.  I knew that Brian didn't want to talk about it, and Kevin wouldn't
say a word without my approval.

	"Okay," I said.  "Quick version.  When Brian and I got together, I started
to get really bad nightmares.  I managed to hide them from him for quite a
while, but eventually something happened that was too much.  Without going
into the details, my past caught up to me.  Matt, you already know about a
very small part of that past."

	I watched as it clicked for Matt, and he nodded solemnly.  Kathy must have
taken all she needed from that, because she didn't ask any questions, just
urged me to continue.

	"So, for certain reasons, I had to go through my past to help a friend out
of a personal problem.  When I was done, though, I couldn't manage to put it
all away again.  I sort of had a breakdown in the shower.  Nick found me
curled up in a ball in the stall, and had to get me dressed and into bed."

	They both looked caught off guard, but neither spoke.

	"Brian kept trying to find out what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him.  I
just told him that I was fine, or that I would be fine, even though it was
becoming pretty clear that I wasn't.  Eventually, Brian and I got into a
fight over it, and I left him after I had another of my nightmares.  It was
just too much."

	"You left him?" Kathy asked, surprise etched into every one of her
features.

	I nodded.  "I couldn't take not being able to talk to him about everything,
and I couldn't just come out and do it, so I had to leave.  I wrote him a
note, explaining what I could, then took the first flight to Toronto that I
could.

	"I took a few days and pulled myself back together with the help of my best
friends..."

	"I assume one of them is Erron?" Matt asked with a smile.

	I was surprised to hear Matt say Erron's name.  I didn't think I had
mentioned him while we had been in Memphis.  "Uh, yeah.  Erron, and my
pseudo-sister Andrea.  Anyway, they helped me, and then Brian showed up in
Toronto at the point when I needed him the most."

	Kathy started to ask why I needed him, but a look from Matt stopped her.

	"And we spent the night talking about everything.  My past, the nightmares,
us, the whole thing.  We both cried a lot, but it was good.  We flew back to
join the guys in Denver for the final concert, and then flew here."  It was
nice to finally be able to say I was okay and actually mean it.

	Telling it had been a bit more involved than I had meant it to be, but I
was happy to find that I had told it pretty much without an overload of
emotion.

	"So now it's Brian who's insisting that he's okay," Kathy said.

	"Yeah, but I can't imagine that it's as huge as before.  Like you said, he
was fine until I started flirting with Gina.  For some reason, that got to
him.  I just have to find out why."

	"He'll tell you," Matt said.

	"Damn right he will," I laughed.  "But just in case, you don't happen to
have any torture devices hidden around the house, do you?"

	"Sorry, all his whips and chains are for recreational use only," Kathy
piped up with a grin.

	"You're as bad as JC!" Matt told her.

	I couldn't pass that one up.  "Ooh, JC likes it rough, does he?"

	"Oh, don't sink to her level, Nate," Matt laughed.  "You're better than
that."

	"Excuse me?"  Kathy leaned across me and smacked Matt in the arm.
	He was about to respond when we heard Brian clear his throat into the
microphone, catching the attention of everyone in the room.  There was
almost immediate silence.

	"Hi," Brian said lamely, getting laughs from the audience.  "Um, we don't
really have anything prepared, but I wanted to sing one song for a friend of
ours.  I don't know how to play it, so I'm going to try it without an
instrument, and ask the house band for a little help.  Please bear with us."

	I smiled, knowing that, for all three of them, their voices *were* an
instrument.  The band started playing, and then Brian hummed along for a
second before actually starting to sing.

	"Put on my blue suede shoes
	And I boarded the plane
	Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues
	In the middle of the pouring rain
	W.C. Handy - won't you look down over me
	Yeah I got a first class ticket
	But I'm as blue as a girl can be

	Then I'm walking in Memphis
	Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale
	Walking in Memphis
	But do I really feel the way I feel..."

	I started laughing as I watched the expression on Kathy's face.  Matt
joined me, and before long, we both earned a cuff in the arm from her.  I
looked around and saw everyone in the restaurant looking at our table, all
smiling at Kathy.  It was obvious that she was the object of the joke.

	Well, almost everyone was smiling at Kathy.  When I looked at Brian, he was
definitely looking back at me.  To anyone else, it would look like he was
singing to Kathy, but I knew better.  I also saw that, for the time being at
least, Brian was back to himself.  There wasn't a trace of worry on his
face.  It occurred to me suddenly that he must find the same escape in music
that I found in writing.

	As they wrapped up the song, the audience turned back to the stage and
started to clap.  Matt and I were still smiling, but were trying hard not to
actually laugh.  Kathy was still scowling, but you could see the mask
cracking.  She wanted to laugh, but didn't dare.

	Leaning over, she whispered to us.  "You might want to let me know which
parts of them you consider valuable too, because they're going to be missing
a few by the time they get home."

	"Well, I can't speak for Nate," Matt whispered back, "but I'm partial to
every part JC's got."

	I nodded my agreement.  "You should be happy that he dedicated a song to
you.  Geez, you wouldn't hear me complaining about something so sweet."  I
was laying it on thick, trying to deal the killing blow to her dour
expression.  "How about you Matt?"

	"I'd be melting in my chair," he agreed with a smile.  "But Kathy's always
made a better Ice Queen than I do."

	That did it.  Kathy started laughing, though she fought it for as long as
she could.  "Fine, fine.  They're safe this time."

	"Isn't she cute when she caves like that?" Matt asked me.

	"Just adorable," I laughed, reaching over pinch her cheeks.  She laughed
again and swatted at my hands.

	Brian finished the song with a grin and stood up again, moving to the side
of the stage.  Taking my eyes off of him for a moment, I saw JC sitting at
the piano and waiting to get our attention again.  When the clapping died
down, JC cleared his throat into his microphone and announced that he would
do the next song, just him and the piano.

	Everyone in the restaurant recognised the song from the first few notes.
It was `Stand by Me.'  Since JC hadn't said anything about a dedication, no
one was watching our table this time.  Kathy and I were both looking at
Matt, though, knowing exactly who JC was singing for.  I smiled at the
emotion that we could hear in JC's voice.

	When JC was done his song, he stood from the piano and bowed as we all
clapped for him.  He flashed his smile our way, and again Kathy and I looked
to Matt, knowing that it was for him.  We found Matt grinning back, and I
found myself envying the two of them for a second before I realised that I
had something just as special.  Though my boyfriend had opted to dedicate a
song to a girl instead.  We'd have to discuss that later.

	JC stepped to the side of the stage as well, whispering back and forth with
Brian as Kevin sat down at the piano and cleared his throat.  "Hey
everybody," he said with a smile.  "I noticed that we're not the only ones
here tonight.  I was wondering if I could convince Mr. BB King himself to
come up and join me for a song.  It would be a real honour to work with
him."

	Kevin looked off-stage, and every eye in the place followed his gaze.  I
was surprised to find that BB really was sitting in the corner.  You would
have thought that someone so famous would stand out prominently, especially
in his own restaurant, but he seemed to blend into the room.  He personified
blues as much as the decor.

	Everyone started cheering again, and BB finally nodded and stood up,
walking to the stairs at the side of the stage and climbing up.  He stopped
to talk for a moment with Brian and JC, shaking both of their hands, then
continued across the stage and spoke briefly with Kevin.  After they talked,
he motioned to one of the members of the house band, and almost immediately
he was holding Lucille (his guitar, for those of you who aren't really BB
fans) in his hands.

	He sat down on a stool and strummed a few notes, making sure he was ready.
Then he looked up at Kevin and gave him a nod and a smile, letting him know
that he was.  Kevin returned the smile and started to play.  I didn't
recognise the song, but it was immediately obvious that Matt and Kathy did.

	"It's called 'Patches'," Matt explained when I asked.  "It's a beautiful
song, but it's pretty sad."

	Listening closely to the lyrics, I discovered that he was right.  The song,
which was really spoken more than sung, was about a boy who is left to
support his family after his father dies.  I knew that Kevin had lost his
father, so I understood the emotion that he put into the song, but that
wasn't what my mind was on as he and BB worked their way through the song.

	I thought about myself for a moment, and my father's death.  I tended to
gloss over his presence in my life, both because he had been away so much
and because my feelings toward him were still unclear.  I had loved him, but
I had spent so much time convincing myself that he didn't love me that I had
started to resent him as well.  That only led to the guilt after he had been
killed.

	I wondered again if my father would have been proud of me, and the way I
had lived my life without him.  While he hadn't asked me to continue his
work before he died, as the father in the song had, it had always been clear
that that was what he wanted.  He would have been disappointed that I hadn't
gone into business.  But the question remained as to whether or not he would
have gotten over that and recognised that not only did I enjoy writing, but
I was good at it.  Damn good.  I had to wonder if I could have convinced him
of that.

	I was still wondering when I looked up to find Kathy looking at Matt with
an odd expression on her face.  It took me a moment to figure out why she
was watching him so intently, and then it all clicked for me, and I kicked
myself for thinking of myself.  Matt was a father, and he might just be
leaving his kids before his time.  That thought drove all others out of my
mind and I concentrated on Matt, wondering if there was something that I
could do or say to help, or even just to get the gut-wrenching feeling out
of my stomach.

	Of course there wasn't.  What could I possibly say to make either one of us
feel better?  I hated not being able to figure out what to say.  It was my
bread and butter, so to speak, and when it failed me, it was like trying to
wander around in the dark in a strange room.

	The combination of Kevin's and BB's voices left the audience mesmerised,
and it took a few moments after they were done for us to come around again
and start to applaud, the entire place getting to their feet.

	The four of them played a few more songs, and then called it a night and
rejoined us.  We talked for a few minutes about what it was like to get to
play with a legend, and then JC excused himself to go to the washroom.
Almost immediately, Matt got up as well, trailing along behind him.  We all
watched them both get swallowed up by the crowd, then Kathy turned to face
us.

	"Hmmmm... what do you suppose they're doing?"

	I felt the knowing grin on my face, and saw it on everyone else's.  "I'd
prefer not to think about it," Kevin laughed.
	"Oh come on, Kevin, you must remember what it's like," Kathy teased,
putting her hand on his arm.  "It hasn't been that long, has it?"  He
swatted at her hand, but refused to let us in on exactly how long it had
been.

	Brian was trying to get into the conversation, but with the distraction of
performing gone, he was back to being much quieter than normal.  It probably
didn't help that every time Gina walked by, she smiled at me.  I knew that
it wasn't making anything better, but short of asking her to stop, I
couldn't think of anything to do about it, and I knew that I could do that.
Instead, I slipped my hand onto his knee again and gave it a squeeze.

	He looked over at me and gave me a smile, but it was pretty sad even for a
fake smile.  I could see in his eyes that he knew how bad it was, and it
dropped from his face before he turned away to look out at the crowd again.
I sighed and resisted the urge to hit the table in frustration.  I told you
that I hated not knowing what to say in a situation.  What I hated even more
was being faced with a situation that I might be able to better, but didn't
know enough about to comment.

	Kevin caught my frustrated movement, even though I checked it long before I
connected with the table, and arched his eyebrow.  I couldn't tell him
anything, of course.  He knew why I was frustrated, but I didn't have any
more information to impart.  Instead I just shook my head slightly and
glanced quickly at Brian.

	Kathy and Kevin both gave me sympathetic looks and tried to keep themselves
from staring at Brian.  They were both putting it on me.  I was the one that
Brian was likely to talk to, but until he did, they were admitting defeat.
Basically, so was I.

	I was saved from having to watch Brian stew at the table any longer by
Gina's return to the table.  Unable to watch her smile at me one more time
after seeing what it did to Brian's mood, I avoided her eye, turning it
instead to the couple returning to join us.

	I was surprised when a voice seemed to come out of nowhere.  "I'll take
care of that, Gina."  I placed the voice about a millisecond before BB
appeared at the side of the table, giving the waitress a smile.  She
returned it and, after a final glance at me that I caught out of the corner
of my eye, went off toward the kitchen again.

	"That's really not necessary, Mr. King," Kevin said.  Even though he had
just performed with the man, he looked excited enough to wet himself.

	BB smiled at him.  "Nonsense.  You sang for your supper.  And the name's
BB.  My daddy would have been Mr. King, but he's been gone a long time now."
  Two things occurred to me at that moment, one happy, the other rather
morbid.  The first was to wonder how many free meals the guys could get by
singing, considering the rib dinner at the casino the night before.  The
second, morbid, thought was that there was entirely too much talk and
thought of dead fathers.

	My thoughts were brought back to my surroundings as I felt Brian turn in
his chair a little, making my hand slide off of his knee.  He thanked BB and
shook his hand.  BB assured us that it was nothing, then turned his
attention to Kathy.  "I don't believe we've met."  Kathy blushed slightly at
being noticed, and gave him her hand as well as her name.  "A pleasure, my
dear," BB said with a smile as he kissed her hand and continued around the
table.

	"Matt," Matt introduced himself and shook hands with BB as well.

	BB said hello and turned once again, looking directly at me.  I stood as
the others had and shook his hand.  "Nate.  How do you do, sir?"  I was
really hoping that no one would mention my book, since it was pretty likely
that BB wouldn't have heard of it.  But Brian was the only one who would
have done that, and he wasn't exactly on the ball.

	I came back to reality realising that BB was laughing at me.  "Relax, son.
We don't stand much on formality `round these parts."  I smiled and nodded a
little, feeling the colour rise to my cheeks.  His grin grew a little as
well, then he excused himself after inviting us all back to the restaurant.
I hoped that we would be able to take him up on it sometime.

	It was amazing watching the expressions on JC, Kevin and Brian, though even
chatting with a legend was unable to completely wipe that worried expression
off of his face.  I thought about pointing out that what they were feeling
was probably pretty close to what Tracey was still going through after
having the opportunity to meet them, but decided to let it go.  I didn't
know if they could take more embarrassment on top of the excitement.

	Apparently, Kathy didn't have the same reservations, at least as far as JC
was concerned.  Almost as soon as BB was out of sight, she was right in
there.  "So what took you and JC so long in the bathroom?" she asked Matt,
giving him her most wicked smile.

	Matt just returned the smile and urged JC out of his chair.  "On that
note..."

	The rest of us took the not-so-subtle hint and stood as well, making our
way to the door.  There were a few stops along the way when someone wanted
to congratulate the guys, or ask for a quick autograph.  Kathy, Matt and I
sort of tried to blend into the woodwork until we could continue toward the
door.


	PART 84

	As soon as we were back in the car, I had Brian's hand in mine.  We were
once again in the rear seat, and within seconds we might as well have been
alone.  The only thing on my mind as Matt returned us to his house was
making sure that Brian was okay, and trying to figure out what had happened.

	I turned in my seat to look at him, and he did the same.  Raising the hand
that wasn't holding his, I ran my fingers through his hair and down the side
of his face, cupping his cheek in my palm.  Brian closed his eyes for a
second and turned his face into my hand further, planting a soft kiss on my
palm.
	"Tell me you're okay," I said, low enough that I didn't think anyone else
would have been able to hear me.  They all seemed to be happy to let us be
as alone as possible anyway.

	He took a moment before he spoke.  Too long.  "I'm okay."

	"Bullshit.  What is it?"

	He looked like he was about to speak, and then he glanced at the others in
the vehicle and changed his mind.  "Sorry."

	"Don't apologise.  Just promise me that you'll tell me later, when we're
alone."

	This time, his reaction was instant.  He nodded, his head sort of nuzzling
into my hand as he did so.  "I will."

	Brian and I both looked up as the car slowed and turned into a parking lot.
  Looking out the window, I saw the Blockbuster sign and understood what was
going on.  When I turned my eyes back to Brian, he was watching the front
seat, so I turned that way as well.  Matt looked into the bag that the
videos were in, then looked up at Brian and I.

	`Brian's Song' was back in with the rest of the movies.  Brian had put it
back that morning, knowing that the movies were going back.  He and I just
nodded at Matt and gave him slight smiles.

	Matt returned the movies and we were underway again.  As we pulled out onto
the street again, I stroked Brian's jaw until he looked at me, then leaned
in and kissed him gently.  He returned the kiss, but made no attempt to take
it any further.

	When Matt pulled into another parking lot, I barely noticed.  By that time,
Brian had turned his head to watch out the window, and I couldn't manage to
take my eyes off of him.  I just watched him, absentmindedly running my
fingers through his hair and offering him whatever comfort I could without
knowing what was wrong.



	I was honestly surprised when I saw the ice cream as we were getting out of
the car.  It seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.  Brian and I let go of
each other's hands long enough to get in the front door of Matt's house, and
then they were back together.  I glanced around at everyone, then gently
pulled Brian with me toward the back of the house and our bedroom.

	"So are you going to tell me what's been going on since dinner?" I asked,
putting my arms around him as soon as the door was closed behind us.

	He sighed and shrugged.  "You're going to think that it's stupid."

	"Tell you what.  Why don't you and I go for another walk?  It's dark out,
so we should be able to be closer than before.  We'll walk, and talk about
whatever it is.  And I promise that I won't think it's stupid.  If it's
bothering you, it can't be."
	He looked at me for a second, then finally smiled.  It was the first true
smile I'd seen since we'd sat down at the table in BBs restaurant.  "How
close do you think we could get?"  His head turned to nuzzle my neck.

	"I don't know, but I'm willing to find out."

	"Won't it seem kind of rude?  Just taking off like that?"

	"I don't think so.  Everyone else is wondering that's up too, and they'll
be happy just knowing that we're going to talk about it."

	He slipped his hand around to the back of my neck and put his forehead
against mine, looking into my eyes.  "Let's go."

	"Don't have to ask me twice."

	"Okay, I'm going to get my sandals before we go."

	"Can you get mine too?  I'll tell everyone that we're going."

	"Sure."  He gave me a quick kiss, then climbed out of my lap and headed for
the closet.  I went to the kitchen, where Kevin, JC, and Matt were talking.

	"Brian and I are going to go for a walk," I said, grabbing the can of Coke
out of Kevin's hand and taking a drink.

	He growled and took it back.  "Try and find out what's wrong with him,
would you?"

	"That's the plan.  We're going to walk around for a while and talk.
Whatever it is, he thinks I'm going to think it's stupid, but it certainly
threw him for a loop.  He also thought that you guys might be put off a bit
by us abandoning you."

	Matt shook his head.  "Don't worry about us.  I'm sure we can find
something to entertain ourselves.  You guys still have that key that I gave
you?"

	"Yeah, Brian's got it, I think," I told him.

	"Brian's got what?" Brian asked from the doorway.

	"The key for the house," I said, turning to face him. "Wouldn't want to get
locked out."

	Brian patted his pocket.  "I have it.  You ready?"  He handed me my
sandals.

	"Will be in just a second," I said.  I reached down and pulled my socks
off, then slipped the sandals on and did up the straps.

	"You guys sure you don't want to come with us?"

	They each assured him that they were fine staying at the house as I stood
back up and announced that I was ready to go.  I reached out and took
Brian's hand with the one that wasn't holding my socks.  I planned on
cramming them in my shoes on the way out the door.

	"See you guys later," Kevin said from behind us as we went into the hall.
"If I'm not up when you get back, I'll see you for breakfast."

	"Okay!" Brian called out, then held open the door for me as we stepped back
outside.


	We walked in the direction of the park for about ten minutes or so before
one of us spoke.  Our hands came together at some point, but since we hadn't
seen a single other person, neither one of us worried about it.  Whenever a
car started down the street toward us, we separated a little just in case.

	"I'm glad we came," he said finally.

	"Hmm?"  I had been letting my mind wander while I waited for him to start
talking about whatever was bothering him.

	"Here, to see Matt, JC, and Kathy.  I'm glad that we came."

	"Oh.  Yeah, me too.  It's been fun so far."  Brian nodded, then fell silent
again.  I frowned slightly, but decided not to push.  There was another
lengthy period of walking in silence until he broke it again.

	"It's been nice being around people other than the guys, and being able to
be together."

	Our hands were linked again, and we turned up a different street.  I didn't
answer him, just squeezed his hand so that he knew that I was paying
attention and had heard him.

	"The guys are great and everything, but I'm glad to be away from them for a
while.  Sometimes it seems like they're around too much.  Kevin's different,
I guess.  He's always been there with me.  But I like being able to get away
with you, and still be ourselves around actual friends.  Does that make any
sense?"

	"Sure it does, Brian.  Like you said, the guys are great.  They've been
pretty supportive of us, though there was a rough bit there with Howie at
the start.  But still, being around them all day every day would get to
anyone.  I can get away from it by picking up the computer, but your escape
is music, and they can follow you there too."

	He nodded and we kept walking.  "I hate to say it, but sometimes I wish we
had broken up when I came out to them."

	That surprised me.  "Why on earth would you want that?"

	He shrugged, then went on to explain himself.  "I guess that it would just
be easier sometimes.  If we had broken up, then I wouldn't need to be in the
closet anymore.  I wouldn't have to worry about what coming out would do to
the rest of the group, and I'd be able to tell everyone how much I love
you."

	"But you'd also be worrying about what you were going to do without the
rest of the guys, and facing the possibility that your career was pretty
much over."

	"I know.  That's why it's just sometimes that I think about how nice it
would be to have broken up the group.  The rest of the time - the majority
of the time - I'm happy with the way things are.  I love doing what we do,
but I wish I could have it both ways."

	"That's probably the most common wish on the planet," I said.

	"I know, but think about how great it would be if people knew that I was
gay.  We'd be able to be ourselves with everyone, instead of just a few
close friends.  Don't you wish we had that?"

	"I do think about it.  And of course I wish we could have that.  And I
think that someday we *will* have that.  But right now, this is the way that
it has to be, unless you decide that you want to take the risk and come
out."

	Brian sighed.  "I don't think that's going to happen any time soon."

	"Brian?  Is this what was bothering you tonight?  Not being able to come
out to the world?"

	"Sort of."

	"You want to talk about it now?"

	He took a moment to answer.  "Can I have a couple more minutes to think
about how to explain it?  Try and come up with some way that it won't sound
completely idiotic?"

	"You can have as long as you want, but I wish you'd stop saying that."

	He didn't answer, so I let it drop and walked along with him.  Eventually,
we came to the park that we had found on our previous walk.  Considering the
time, it was no surprise that we had it to ourselves.  Brian struck out
across the grass, heading away from the street and toward a small group of
trees so that no one would be able to see us if they did happen to walk by.

	Leading me further into the park, Brian finally stopped under a tree.  "How
about here?"

	"As long as I get to hold you, here's perfect."  I sat down against the
tree and pulled Brian down in front of me so that he was sitting between my
legs and I could put my arms around him.  We both kicked our sandals off.

	He smiled and settled back against me.  "Seeing you flirt with that
waitress bothered me, Nate."

	While I knew that my flirting had been the catalyst to all of this, I still
didn't understand why.  "I'm sorry, sweetie.  I didn't think that it would
bother you so much.  I thought you would know that it was harmless.  If I
had known it would get to you, I would never have done it."

	He put his hand on my knee.  "I know you wouldn't have.  And I do know that
you didn't mean anything by it.  I know that.  But it still bothered me."

	"I won't do it again."

	"No, you don't understand.  It didn't bother me that you did it, but that
you *could* do it.  She didn't have a clue that you weren't at all
interested in her."

	I thought maybe for a moment that I hadn't been paying close enough
attention.  "But as long as we knew, why does that matter?"

	"I want her to know, Nate."  Brian turned a little so that he could look me
in the eye.  "When I saw her smiling at you like that, I wanted to grab your
hand, or tell you I love you, or something so that she'd know that you
weren't hers to flirt with."

	"But it was just casual flirting, Brian."

	"I don't *care*.  I wanted nothing more when I saw her doing that, and
especially when I saw her reacting to you flirting back, than to announce to
the entire place that we were together."

	"So you want to come out?"

	"No, I just want to be able to hold your hand."

	I reached around his waist and took hold of both of his hands.  "I want
that too."

	"And I want it to stop being so damned hard!  I want to be able to touch
you during dinner without having it in the papers the next morning.  Why
does it matter so much?"

	I sighed and brought our hands together so that we were both hugging him.
"If I had the answers to that, pookie, I'd be a pretty popular guy.  But
short of you coming out, that's not going to happen.  This is the way it's
got to be, and there's no use worrying yourself to death over it."

	He turned to look at me again.  "Told you you'd think it was stupid."

	"I don't think it's stupid at all, Brian.  First of all, it upsets you, so
it's important.  Second, it's something that I want too.  I just don't see
how we can do anything about it.  I know it's hard..."

	Brian laughed, but not with much humour.  "Don't take this the wrong way,
but you don't know how hard it is."

	That surprised me.  "Brian, I remember what it was like being where you are
right now."

	"No you don't.  You were never here."

	"Brian..."

	"You weren't here, Nate.  I'm not about to try and belittle what you went
through.  You know that.  But you weren't where I am.  When you were still
in the closet, were you trying to hide a relationship with someone that you
love more than you even thought was possible?"

	Deciding to hear him out before I argued, I merely conceded that I had not
had to deal with carrying on a relationship while in the closet.

	"And did you have to go out, night after night, and watch as thousands of
girls and women screamed your name?  I know it's sort of egotistical to say,
but you've been to our concerts.  It's like constantly having nails slammed
into the closet door.  They're out there screaming at us, and all I'm trying
to do is locate one male face in the crowd so that I can feel that
connection that everyone else is trying to make with me.

	"Not only does everyone assume that I'm straight, but they actively chase
the idea and reinforce it every time I walk out the door.  And all I can do
is smile and nod and let them do it, thinking about how much I want to tell
them about you."

	I felt about three inches tall.  He was right.  I hadn't had the easiest
time of things, but there had been a lot of outside factors involved.  They
weren't all related to my being gay and in the closet.

	Brian seemed outwardly to have it all which, I was starting to realise,
made everything else even harder.  While our situation was frustrating for
me, it was bordering on torture for Brian.  We both had to keep our
relationship under wraps, but that was where it ended for me.  I was out
already.  I could shout my sexuality from the rooftops if I wanted.

	Brian, on the other hand, had the added stress of being in the closet.  And
that stress was only compounded by the masses of women who were chasing
after him, not knowing that it was a lost cause.  When you added his
mother's reaction to our being together into the mix, it was amazing that he
was as together as he was.

	Looking up at him, I saw a single tear start to fall and leaned in to wipe
it away.  "Don't," I said softly.  "I'm sorry, Brian."

	Shaking his head, he turned to look at me full-on.  "You don't have
anything to be sorry for."

	"Bullshit.  I should have thought about how hard this was on you.  So much
for my being unnaturally observant, eh?  I should have known."

	"It's okay, Nate," he reassured me, giving me a brief kiss.  "I didn't
really even think about it until tonight at dinner, when Gina started
flirting with you.  I thought about how much I wanted to let her know that
we were together, and the rest of it sort of crashed home all at once."

	"I don't want things to be this hard for you."

	"I'm coping.  I'm a pretty tough guy, you know."

	That got the smile that he was going for.  "You're a powder-puff.  But
you're *my* powder puff."

	"And that makes the rest of it okay."

	"No it doesn't, Brian.  Nothing could make it okay for you to feel like
this.  Nothing's worth that."

	"That's not true.  You're worth it.  Besides, I'm not in this because of
us.  You and me being together is the only good thing about the situation.
If we were my only concern, I'd be out in a second.  But I have the guys to
think about, too.  It would hurt them for me to come out right now."

	He was wrong about me being worth all of this, but I knew it would do no
good to argue.  "Brian, if the rest of the guys were willing to take the
risk of what might happen if you came out, would you do it?"  I thought I
knew his answer, but I wanted to make sure.

	He thought about it for a few seconds, then shook his head.  "No, I
wouldn't," he said softly, confirming my suspicions.  "I'm not willing to
take that risk yet, even if they were.  There's more that I want to do, and
I couldn't risk being able to do it.  Someday, but not right now."

	"Then what do we do?"

	"We live with it.  We've got each other to talk to about stuff like this,
right?  And there's always the guys too.  They'll help as much as they can.
I'm bound to get a little overwhelmed by it sometimes, but that's when you
have to step in and distract me."

	"I love distractions," I grinned, then kissed his neck, letting my tongue
pass over his Adam's Apple a few times.

	"That's why it's your job," he laughed, putting his arms around me and
laying his head on my shoulder.  We fell silent again for a little while,
though this one was much more comfortable.  It was nice to be out somewhere,
enjoying each other's company in public.  Even though it was at night.

	He kept shifting in my lap, rubbing up against me every time he did so.  It
was driving me insane, and he knew it.  Finally, I had to either jump him or
say something.  I quickly decided to try both.  "So there's more that you
want to do, eh?"

	He heard the change in my tone and smiled, since he already knew quite well
how excited he had gotten me.  "Yep. *Lots* of stuff that I want to do
still."

	I craned my neck and kissed him, slipping my hands under his shirt.
"Anything in particular that you wanted to do at the moment?"

	"Aside from you?  No."

	"Good answer," I said, then pushed him back onto the grass and climbed on
top of him.  "Very good answer."

	"Why, Mr. Healy.  I do believe you're planning on spoiling my virtue," he
said in his best impression of Scarlett O'Hara.

	"Sweetie, if your virtue hasn't already been spoiled, we've been doing
something terribly wrong," I told him, nuzzling his neck and planting gentle
kisses along the line of his collar.  "And I don't know about you, but I can
only think of one way to get it right."

	"Practise?"

	"Practise," I agreed.

	"Well, if you insist."  Brian put his arms around me and rolled away from
the tree, winding up on top of me.  His hands pulled at my shirt until it
was up under my arms, exposing my chest and stomach.  His lips fastened
themselves to mine as his hands slipped higher, into the sleeves of my
shirt.

	He shifted a little so that he was straddling my hips and bent over me,
then started to grind his hips against me, showing me that he was just as
ready as I was.  I groaned and slid my hands under his belt, pressing him
against me even more.

	His tongue darted in and out of my mouth, sliding along my own.  Timing it
right, I managed to suck on it just as it entered again.  Brian got the
message and didn't try to withdraw it, swirling it around mine instead.

	I kissed him for all I was worth, letting my hands roam further into his
shorts, cupping his ass.  I pulled down on him at the same time that I
raised my hips, grinding us together again and again.  Curling my fingers
around his shirt tail, I pulled my hands up his back, bringing his shirt
with them.  He ducked his head away from my lips long enough for the shirt
to slip over his head, then he returned his lips to my neck as his hands
worked at my shirt as well.

	Soon, both of our shirts were laying in the grass a few feet away, and
Brian was letting his mouth roam all over my upper body.  His tongue trailed
across my nipple, then he settled his lips over it and sucked it into his
mouth, raking his teeth over it.  The sensation caused me to suck in a
breath as I threw my head back, moaning loudly.

	He giggled and pulled away, letting just the tip of his tongue touch my
body as he came up to face me again.  It trailed over my chin and dipped
quickly into my open mouth before he put his hands to the side of my head
and waited for me to open my eyes to look at him.  When I finally did, he
smiled and kissed me again briefly.  "Are you sure you want to do this?
Here, I mean.  We could go back to the house."

	I answered him by working my hands into the front of his shorts and rubbing
him through his boxers.  He smiled and nodded his understanding.  "I love
you," he whispered as he bent back down and kissed my cheek before delving
his tongue into my ear and nibbling on the lobe.

	"Talk is cheap," I laughed breathlessly, removing my hands and starting to
work at his belt.  He didn't take his mouth from my ear, but raised his hips
a little to give me better access to my goal.  I got the belt undone and
started on his zipper.

	"Mmm," he moaned, then dropped back down on me, pinning my hand between us.
  I smiled as I realised that he had trapped my hand in the perfect position
to grip him as he started to move his hips again.  I wasn't about to
complain, and started to move my hand slightly in the opposite direction he
moved, which got another moan out of him.

	My hand was released after a few more seconds, as Brian began kissing his
way back down my upper body.  His hands traced down my sides, sending
shivers up and down my spine as his tongue slipped into my navel, swirling
around, then lapping gently as I ran my fingers through his hair.

	Giving my sides one last caress, Brian brought his hands to my belt and
started undoing it.  His tongue left my navel and explored lower, running
through the light line of hair that disappeared into my waistband.  Once my
belt was out of the way, Brian unbuttoned my shorts and pulled them down off
of my hips, along with my boxers.

	As I lay back down again, I jumped and laughed a little when my bare skin
came into contact with the cool grass beneath me.  I looked down and found
Brian smiling up at me.  "It tickles," I explained, wiggling around a little
and laughing again.

	Brian chuckled, then reached out and grabbed me, bringing my erection to
his lips.  I shuddered as he gave it a kiss, then quickly licked at the
head.  He laughed again.  "That tickle too?"

	"No, that was much better."

	"Well then," he smiled, repeating the move.  "I'll have to keep it up.  Or
find something better."

	I opened my mouth to answer him, but my breath was taken away as he
engulfed my member, his tongue slipping back and forth along the underside.
I arched my back and drew in a breath, whatever I had been meaning to say
completely wiped from my mind.  Instead, I held the breath for as long as I
could, then let it back out with a shudder.

	Brian seemed encouraged by my reaction, as well he should have been, and
picked up speed as he worked me over.  Lifting his head up almost to the
point of releasing me, he swirled his tongue quickly before diving back down
again.  His left hand traced a path from my waist to my thigh and back
again, his fingers gently kneading my skin, and his right hand slipped up my
front until I sucked them into my mouth.

	I felt him moving around, though is lips stayed locked around me, and I
looked down.  He was digging in his pockets, and I wondered for a second
what was going on.  Then I found out.  Brian's hand emerged from his pocket
and he looked up at me and smiled.  I couldn't help but laugh and nod.

	He kept one hand on me while the other opened the lube, then he released me
long enough to spread some of it onto his fingers, quickly returning his
hand to me when he was done.  He arched his eyebrow up at me, and I smiled
as I raised my hips a little bit for him.

	Almost immediately, Brian slipped one finger inside me, slowly moving it
around.  He continued for a few more minutes until he finally had three
fingers in me, and I was very close to the edge.  I reached down, running my
fingers through his hair, and warned him.  But rather than back off, Brian
set in with a vengeance.

	My entire body shook with the intensity of the moment, and I let out a moan
that could have woken the dead.  "Mmm hmm," Brian said, not letting up until
I collapsed back onto the grass and let out my pent-up breath.  When he
finally released me from his mouth, I found him once again smiling up at me.
  "How was that?"

	"Needs practise," I laughed, knowing that it wouldn't take much convincing
from me to get him to agree.

	He looked at me closely, then nodded.  "Anytime."

	"You're not finished yet."

	He looked down at himself.  "You don't have to tell me that."  He worked
his way back up my body, raining small kisses all the way, then knelt over
me as he worked over my neck again.

	I reached down and undid the button on his shorts, easing them down his
thighs to his bent knees.  I then traced my fingers back up his thigh, over
his ass, and up his back, bringing his body down on top of mine again.  One
of his hands left my body as he finished removing his shorts and boxers,
then his legs settled between mine as we continued to kiss.

	Brian gradually got me to lift my legs around his waist as he positioned
himself.  "Are you sure?" he asked me one last time.  I pressed my lips to
his again and dropped my hand, guiding him.  It was all the answer he
needed.

	Pressing against me, he slipped inside and settled against my body, letting
me adjust completely before he did anything else.  A few moments later, I
wiggled against him to let him know I was ready without having to stop
kissing him.  Brian sighed into my mouth and started to move back and forth,
slowly building speed.

	"Ohh," I moaned, moving my lips to his neck and trying to catch my breath.
I heard Brian's breath coming in ragged gasps, and he moaned as well as I
squeezed him between my legs.

	He stopped moving for a minute, just resting against me.  When I opened my
eyes and looked up at him, I saw him watching me.  Neither one of us spoke.
We just lay there silently for what felt like forever but couldn't have been
longer than a few seconds.  There was no light around us, so I couldn't see
his eyes, but I could feel his gaze as watched me, and wondered if he could
see me any clearer.

	I sighed and turned my head into his hand as it stroked down my cheek,
coming to rest on my jaw.  I pressed my cheek into it and kissed his thumb
as it crossed my lips.  I also unwrapped my legs from his waist and brought
them down, resting my feet flat on his calves.

	After a few more minutes, Brian started to move again, picking up speed
rapidly.  I knew that he was getting close.  Since I couldn't see his face
in the dark, I closed my eyes again and brought forth the image of his eyes
that so often came to me just before I dropped off to sleep.  In my mind's
eye, his pupil dilated until it almost swallowed up all of the deep blue,
and I felt myself falling through the black hole in his gaze as he tensed
against me and sucked in a hissing breath.

	I kept my eyes closed, using my mind to give me the details that my eyes
couldn't, as he collapsed on top of me again and settled his weight on my
body.  I once again raised my legs a little, wrapping them around his and
holding him tightly to me while he regained his breath.

	When his breathing slowed down again, and I could no longer feel his heart
pounding under my arms, I opened my eyes and looked down at him, lifting his
chin with my finger until he was looking back, even though neither one of us
could see much of anything.

	Rolling to the side, I allowed him to slide off of me, but kept him in my
arms.  From the position of his head against me, I knew that he hadn't moved
his eyes from mine, regardless of how little there was to look at.  Bending
my neck forward, I settled my lips against his and gave him a tender kiss.

	He answered it with one of this own, and soon we were rolling back and
forth on the grass again.  That continued until we wound up against the tree
again, and collapsed into a simultaneous laughing fit.  We laughed like
fools.  There didn't seem to be a reason to do so, I know that I wasn't sure
why I was doing it, but it felt good.  Like the final closing on our
discussion earlier, which had also taken place under the tree.

	Brian's laughs tapered off as my own did, and he settled his head in the
crook of my neck again.  For the next half hour or so, we just lay there,
holding each other.  Naked as the day we were born.

	"I do love you, you know," he whispered, almost too quietly to hear.  If
his lips had been anywhere but right beside my ear, I probably wouldn't have
even known he had spoken.

	"I know.  I love you too."

	I felt Brian nod against me, and he was quiet for another moment or two.
Then, with a sigh, he sat up.  "I guess we should probably get back.  How
long have we been out here?"

	I sat up with a smile, though in the darkness, I was the only one who knew
it was there.  "I don't know.  I sort of lost track of time there for a
while."

	"Me too," he laughed.  "Here."  He handed me a t-shirt and I slipped it
over my head as he crawled away again to find our pants.  Once I managed to
get the shirt on, I joined him in the search.

	It took a few minutes, but we were finally both dressed again, and had even
managed to locate our sandals and get them back on as well.  Once we were
clothed, Brian took my hand and pulled me out of the little copse of trees
that we had been sitting in.  Almost immediately, the stars returned to the
sky, no longer hidden by the branches above us.

	The stars and moon provided more than enough light to navigate, especially
after the total darkness we had just been in, and we quickly got our
bearings and headed back to Matt's house.  As we reached the sidewalk again
and passed underneath a streetlight, I noticed the wide smile on Brian's
face, and felt one come to my own as well.

To Be Continued...

	So there you have it. :)  Like I said before, I hope it was worth the wait.
  I'm not making any promises on when the next one will be out, since such
things inevitably backfire.  But I think it's probably a safe bet that it
won't take as long as this one did.  I can't speak for Matt, but I've still
got stuff clicking in my head.  In fact, I have a very small part of the
next installment written already. :)

	Thanks for reading! :)

	~*DLS*~
	dls_stories@hotmail.com