Date: Thu, 08 Aug 2002 03:56:50 +0000 From: Chained Soul Subject: 'Can't Run Away' chapter 9 Disclaimer: This story is not true. I do not know the guys from *NSYNC. This did NOT happen. Got that? And this story can be a little dark. I am warning you. If you like happy endings and no tears, then this story isn't for you. Under 18 years old? Don't read this. If you do, don't blame me for any trouble u run into. Homophobic? LEAVE. This isn't for you. What are u even doing at Nifty??? It's been ages since I've posted anything. I'm not going to make excuses. I simply got tired of the story. But I've started writing again, thinking maybe I can take this story somewhere. That maybe the plot is good enough to warrant more than a half assed attempt. My email address has changed. It is now Expression_of_Truth@hotmail.com Feel free to email me with suggestions, comments, flames, etc. ______________________________________________________________________ I'm sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I was stuck for ideas. It hit me last night how to continue the story so here it is. Sorry for the wait. ______________________________________________________________________ ~*~ Chris ~*~ I couldn't sleep. Damn me and my insomnia. It was the same routine every night. I'd toss and turn for an hour or so then either give up and get up to find something to do, or finally fall asleep. It wasn't stress. I was never one to get stressed out really easily. I just could never fall asleep. I realize now, looking back, that I couldn't sleep simply because I was lonely. But, back then, I never thought about it that way. I got up and walked over to my small suitcase, pulling out one of my spiral notebooks. When I couldn't sleep, I wrote. It had become an addiction. I often wrote in my journal on night's like these. But, when fate would allow, I'd write a poem or two. Tonight, after some thought, I began a poem. I read over it when finished and was slightly puzzled by my own words: "Can you believe When you look into my eyes? Can you feel the pain I've felt? Can you see the tears I've cried? Can you hear the hoarse screams Of a child so afraid? Like a million summer streams, The tears came while I prayed. Can you touch the quivering heart Of this scared silent one? Though we're generations apart, You and I live under the same sun. Have you cried like I have cried? Have you ever felt this pain? Were there times you would've rather died Than live with all the shame? If not, then offer me no consolations. I don't need to hear your idea of me. If not, forget trying to understand. I don't need someone to tell me what I'm doing wrong. If not, then leave me to myself, You have to let me go. For I am a child no longer, I am far stronger than you could ever know." As I sat thinking over the poem, there was a knock on the door. Who the hell would call on me so late at night? I looked at the clock. 11:42. This better be important. I unlocked the door and opened it slowly. Justin stood in front of me, quite deep in thought if his eyes were any indication. I remember thinking, 'something's wrong.' Little did I know how my life was about to change. ______________________________________________________________________ ~*~ Justin ~*~ Chris smiled at me and motioned for me to enter. I don't think I'd ever been quite so unsure of myself. Confidence was something I rarely had to fight with. Now, it seemed as if all my faith in myself and in what I had come here to say, had been left behind me somewhere where it could never be regained. I smiled back at Chris, silently cherishing the smile he had given me. I didn't know how things would be after this. I mean, sure, I knew he would never leave my side or dare try to push me away but I feared there may be some tension after tonight. Both of us could well end up making mistakes tonight. And only time would tell how we'd deal with any problems we encountered. "So, what brings you here so late, Curly?" I was no longer sure how to say it. I'd worked it over in my head time and again and now, the words had left me. "Justin?" He spoke my name almost carefully, like he was afraid he might scare me. Sighing, I sat down on the edge of his bed. I guess he had reason to be so careful. He could tell I was nervous. Hell, I was terrified. 'Might as well just say it and get this over with...' my mind whispered. '...need to get out of here.' "Chris, how do you think of me? I mean, could you ever...like...love me?" I shocked myself with how strong my voice was. When I was scared, my voice was usually the first thing to give it away. And then sometimes, it was my silence. Chris seemed hesitant about answering and, for whatever reason, I couldn't read him right then. More often then not, I could see right through people. Perhaps my fears were blinding me then. Finally, Chris stopped chewing on his bottom lip and turned to me to answer. Little did I know his words would be cut short. In a moments time, my world would be turned upside down. And it wouldn't be because of something he said. ______________________________________________________________________ Well, I finally got this chapter done. Now, I can only hope that I can keep this story going. My fellow writer's should know what I mean. Getting stuck for ideas makes writing difficult and, quite frankly, very annoying. Knowing you have the ability to write but not being able to do it wears the nerves raw. And, at the moment, though I know where I want to take the story, I'm not sure how to go about it. So, don't expect the next chapter to be out anytime soon. I'm working on it. This story is far from over. But this next chapter may take some time. Thanks so much for your patience.