Date: Tue, 19 Oct 1999 00:54:53 -0400 From: Rachel Subject: Choices 3 and 4 Hey everybody! Sorry this took so long. So shoot me or something. I'm in college. Plus I had to get those chapters of Escape done. Ah well. I hope you enjoy this. Disclaimer: Fiction..blah blah blah..underage..blah blah blah..you know the deal Choices Chapter 3 "What is she doing here?" Justin's eyes bugged out when he saw Britney sitting in a chair next to Kevin. Kevin jumped up, put his arm around Justin's shoulder and guided him to the other side of the room. "We tried to get her off the tour Justin. We really did. She is contractually obligated to stay on the tour at least through Europe. I thought Lance told you already." Justin squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force the hate he was feeling deep down inside. This just wasn't fair. Lance had promised that he wouldn't have to tour with her. Britney stood up, walking over to Justin with a fake smile on her face. "Just-bear?" Her voice dripped honey. She tried to touch his shoulder, but he jerked it away. "Don't touch me, don't talk to me, and don't even look at me." Justin glared at her. Britney just smiled back at him, angering him even more. Justin stalked away from Britney, his body language accurately informing all present how mad he really was. JC watched his former best friend walk away from his former fianc‚e. If JC had been uneasy about touring before, he was dreading it now. Joey sat down next to him. JC turned to look at him. "Well this is an onion in the ointment." Joey whispered to him in his best Grampa Simpson voice. JC chuckled despite himself. No matter what was going on, Joey could always make him laugh. "Should someone go talk to Justin?" JC whispered back. Joey shrugged. Before either of them could do anything, Nick had walked over to Justin. "It's moments like this that you can truly understand why people drink." Justin nodded mutely. "Don't worry about Bitch-ney Justin. We couldn't get her off the first part of the tour, but Brian and Lance argued very persuasively that she be isolated from the rest of us, especially you. Plus she isn't allowed to do any promotion for the tour with us or by herself either. A gag has been placed on her regarding the tour, your relationship, and the break-up. She's harmless now." "Nick, I can't tour with her. I ended it really, really badly. I know Britney. Those restrictions aren't going to stop her. She's going to do something to make me pay." "Maybe she won't Justin. Maybe she'll realize that it's over." Justin looked Nick in the eye. "Two words for you Nick. Kelly Bale." Nick shuddered slightly. How could he have forgotten that? Kelly had been a singer along the same line as Britney, but much, much better. Britney had destroyed her career before she even had a chance to fight back. Kelly was still recovering from the physical beating she had gotten at Britney's hand as well. Somehow Britney hadn't been charged and her reputation hadn't been destroyed. To this day, she still maintained her innocence. Most people knew better. Britney was hell to tangle with. Nick put his arm around Justin to comfort him. "Want me to get the Manson family to kick her ass?" Justin began to laugh at Nick's suggestion, despite how anger he was. He threw his arms around Nick and gave him a big hug. "Thanks Nick." "No problem." Brian clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. He still wasn't used to this being in charge thing, so he had Lance with him. "Okay, we are here today to talk to Fatima about choreography and also to decide which songs each of the groups will be doing on the tour." "As Brian mentioned we are picking songs for the tour. The label has sent us specific instructions on what songs are eligible and which are not. At least five songs off the BSB's new album must be done and at least six off of our new album must be done. Britney, since you haven't done a new album in a year, you have to pick old stuff. They want you to cover two songs as well. Any questions?" No one answered him, so Lance assumed that everything was clear. "Okay then. Now we split up. Britney, you are with Fatima first since your choreography is the easiest. BSB and 'Nsync are in here working on the songs. BSB this end of the room, 'Nsync far end of the room. Okay everyone move." JC and Joey stood up and walked to the other end of the room. Justin was already there. Lance was still talking to Brian about something. They heard a loud 'whoop' and turned to see Chris climbing over the furniture instead of walking on the floor. He laughed and jumped on Joey's back. "Off! What are you trying to do kill me?" Chris slid off Joey's back and grinned. "If you die, I get all your close-ups and all your parts. It's a good deal for me." "Yeah, but then you have to shave your head, 'cause you gotta look like me too!" "Nah, I think the 2Pac look is out Joey. Try growing some hair again. Oh wait I forgot! You're bald!" Joey grabbed Chris and began to tickle him. Lance came up behind them and cleared his throat. "Look, the sooner we get this stuff done, the sooner we are out of here okay." "Yeah we know the drill Scoop." They all sat around the table set out for them. Joey picked up a pencil and grabbed a sheet of paper. "So we are doing this the usual way right?" "Yup." They each grabbed their own pieces of paper and began to write. The easiest way to figure out the songs to do was to have each of them write what songs they wanted to do, then compare notes. It usually went pretty well unless someone(usually Joey) picked a totally off-the-wall song. He usually tried to throw in a cover of something bizarre. Last tour he wanted to do a cover of Powerman 5000's song When Worlds Collide. He thought it would be a nice change of pace. He was shot down immediately by everyone but Justin who thought it would be cool too. JC peeked at Lance's paper. He wanted to see if Lance had written down Magic. It was a duet the two of them had done on the last tour. JC had loved it and wanted to do it again. He was discouraged when he saw it wasn't on Lance's paper, but he wrote it down anyway. Soon enough they were finished. Lance gathered up the papers and handed them to Jean-Michel, who had shown up a few minutes earlier. As one of his personal assistant duties, he got to tabulate the votes. "So what did Nick say to make you laugh so much Justin?" Chris asked. "He said he would get the Manson family to kick her ass if I wanted. I guess it's nice to know someone's got scary friends. Or in his case, scary in- laws." Chris began to laugh. "That's a great image. Marilyn Manson ripping Britney's hair out! I would pay to see that one." Justin smiled a little. "Maybe I'll take him up on the offer if things get too crazy. I'm not very sure how well things are going to go while we are on tour together." JC crossed his arms and shut his eyes. He was very sleepy. He hadn't told anyone that he had ended up at an old boyfriend's house last night. JC wasn't proud of what he had done last night, but he had wanted it and so had Adam. "You look tired JC. Long night?" Lance asked him innocently. He knew that JC had gotten laid last night. Lance could always tell when JC got laid. He was always much more relaxed. "No, just a little tired. That's all." "Who was it?" JC opened one eye and looked at Lance. "Adam." Lance sighed and looked down at the table. He hated Adam with a passion for the way he tended to use Josh. "Why Adam?" "Lance, I don't want to hear a lecture about who I fuck." "I wasn't going to lecture you Josh. I was just asking why you ended up in Adam's arms instead of someone else's." JC looked back at him, glaring angrily. "Because when I called Adam up he answered the phone, unlike some other people I know and tried to call. I was really lonely last night James okay. That's why I ended up fucking him!" Chris, Justin, and Joey stared at JC as he finished his speech. By the time he was done he had almost been yelling. JC looked over at the three of them and began to blush fiercely. JC was angry, very angry at Lance. He could feel his anger rise. He tried to control it when he saw how guilty Lance looked. Part of JC knew that Lance was not trying to hurt him and he really didn't mean to make him mad. But the rest of JC was fuming. "Thanks so much Lance. I really wanted my sex life broadcasted to everyone at the table." He hissed at him, his voice full of anger and spite. The tension was obvious to everyone in the room. JC could see the guys in the Backstreet Boys looking over at them. Nick said something to Brian who just shook his head while looking at JC. "It's cool JC. You know we don't give a crap what you do in your free time." Joey did his best to make JC feel at least a little less embarrassed. Tears formed in JC's eyes. "Maybe I need you to care Joey." JC pushed away from the table and left the room with tears streaming down his face. Joey looked at Chris confused. "What did I say?" Chris slowly got up to follow JC, knowing that he needed him right now. Chris had always been JC's confidant in the past few years. He was used to picking up the pieces of JC's heart. "Wait Chris. I'll talk to him." Joey stood up. Chris nodded and sat back down. Joey's training in this area often made him an invaluable asset to the group when things got rough. Joey headed down the hall in the direction he saw JC head. "Hey Josh." Joey sat down next to JC. He had found him sitting on the ground down the hall, crying. Joey out his arm around him, pulling JC to his shoulder, holding him as he cried. JC cried on Joey's shoulder, letting the pain and frustration he was feeling out. "I feel so dirty Joey." Joey rubbed his back. "You aren't dirty Josh. You just made a mistake that's all. We all make mistakes sometime." "You don't understand Joey. I fucked him! I fucked my ex-boyfriend because I was feeling lonely. I didn't want you guys to know how pathetic I was." Joey hugged him closer. "It's okay Josh. It's not the end of the world." "Last night wasn't the first time Joey. I've done that before." The pain in JC's voice made Joey's heart ache.When had they lost track of JC and let him drift to this point? What kind of friends were they? "Joshua, I want you to look at me." Joey lifted JC's head, making him look into his eyes. "I've let you go in the past months. I've stopped being the friend you needed in your life. From now on I want you to lean on me. Nothing is more important to me then your happiness. I can't stand to see you like this anymore." JC pushed himself away from Joey and looked at him in disbelief. What the hell was he doing? He didn't need Joey's help. He didn't need anyone's help. He was doing just fine on his own. "Joey I don't need your help." JC started to stand up to walk away from yet another uncomfortable conversation. Joey grabbed JC's hands, pulling him back down and holding him tightly so he couldn't get away. "Yes you do Josh. You know you need some help with this. Let us help you." JC's struggled against Joey's firm grip. "Let me go Joseph!" With a sigh Joey released JC's hands, allowing him to escape. Before he had taken off, Joey called after him. "Don't forget we still have work to do." JC stopped and turned to Joey. He nodded slowly. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I promise." Joey nodded and watched him walk away. Joey had barely gotten the chance to delve into JC's problems before he had run away. This was going to be very tough. Maybe he wasn't qualified enough for this. He shook his head and stood up. Joey needed the other three guys to help here. JC couldn't fight this depression and self-loathing alone. And it would only get worse while they were touring. Joey knew that from personal experience. JC stalked down the hall, his mind racing. What was he doing? And why did he sleep with Adam last night? JC slid down the wall, ending up on the ground again, hugging his knees to his chest. He thought back to the night before. JC stared at the TV. Nothing was catching his interest, which left him ample time to dwell on the fact he was lonely. He looked around his empty house and sighed. He had to get out of here. Ten minutes later, he was almost in tears. No one was around. Barely thinking, he dialed one last number. "Hello?" JC could barely speak. "Adam?" "Josh?" "Yeah, hi." "Hi Josh. What's up?" Adam sounded slightly confused. JC never called him anymore. "Are you busy tonight?" JC choked out. Anything so he wasn't alone. Anything. Anything. "Not really. Did you want to do something?" "How about I pick up a movie and some Chinese take-out and head over to your place? We can veg and just relax." "Sure. You know what food I like. I'll see you soon." JC hung up the phone, knowing that he had just made a big mistake. Pushing that thought back, he decided to just have fun tonight. Adam was always a lot of fun to spend time with. He would just focus on that. The story always ended the same. JC saw images of him and Adam naked in bed together. Rolling around, hugging each other, kissing passionatly. JC looked down at the two of them, seeing a dead man having sex. He looked into his own eyes and saw nothing. He knew that his mind had regressed to a point where he couldn't allow himself to feel guilty for what he was doing. Part of him enjoyed the sex, but the rest of him felt guilty. Then the sex was over. JC pushed Adam away from him, feeling dirty. Adam sat up and took out a cigarette. "Judging by your reaction, you don't want to go again." JC shook his head, hugging his knees to his chest. "Okay. Go home now. We're done here." JC looked at the man he had just had sex with. Adam's face was distorted by the cigarette smoke floating over it. He looked ugly. JC saw nothing redeemable about his face. In fact, JC never wanted to see his face again. Adam grinned at JC as he gathered up his clothes from the ground. "See you next time you want to get laid Josh." JC looked back at him one more time and left the room. He blinked rapidly to clear the tears from his eyes. He had momentarily forgotten where he was. Looking up, he saw Britney looking down at him with a smug look on her face. "Aww....is poor little JC upset? Tell Momma Britney what's wrong." "Leave me alone Britney." He mumbled. Ignoring him, she sat down next to him. "We used to be friends JC. What happened?" He turned to her, unable to belive that she even had to ask the question. "You fucked with my best friend almost completely destroying our friendship as well as his friendship with everyone else." Britney began to laugh at him. "Honey, Justin made his own choices. I was just there to push him one way or the other. I'm not the only one at fault here. So don't just blame me for your fucked up relationship with Justin. That rests squarely on you." With that she stood back up. "Goodbye JC. See you in Europe." Britney turned away, sauntering down the hall, quite pleased with herself. Suddenly JC had this insane urge to throw something at her. Unfortunatly he didn't have anything on hand. Screw her. JC had let their friendship go a long time ago. Even as far back as MMC, JC had known she was a manipulative bitch. He just couldn't convince Justin of that. Apparently Justin had figured that out on his own. JC was proud of Justin for what he had done. Granted he had done it badly, but he had done it nonetheless. JC had never broken up with anyone. Everyone dumped him so he could actually relate to how Britney was feeling better then he could Justin. He looked at his watch. Jean-Michel would be done with the songs by now. He should go back. "All right. Let me start off by saying no Joey we will not be covering Starfuckers Inc. by Nine Inch Nails. Sorry." Lance grinned at him. Joey grinned back and shrugged. "It was worth a shot. What are we covering?" "Nothing as of now. We all wanted something different, so we have to talk about that later." JC slid back into his chair next to Lance. Lance gave him a little smile then continued on. "Here's the list of what we are doing. I'll read it, but of course everyone will get their own copies later. Tearing up my Heart, God must have spent, Music of my Heart, Kiss me, Sailing, Calling Heaven, Part of Me, Becoming Whole, Tomorrow, Rock 'n' Roll, Magic, Playtime, and finally Charade. Any questions?" JC raised his hand. "I hate Charade." Lance sighed. "That wasn't a question. And you know the rules by now. Majority wins. We sing what was picked, so we sing what we don't like sometimes." JC crossed his arms. Who had picked Charade? That was a terrible song that he wrote when he was extremely depressed. Granted it was one of their biggest hits, but he could barely bring himself to sing it anymore. It just hurt too much. "So that's it for the song part. Once Britney is done with Fatima, we are up. The Boys have to do some work on the last song on the album so they are cool with us going first." "Britney's done. I saw her in the hall." JC mumbled to himself almost. "What was that Josh?" Lance's keen hearing had picked up JC's mumble. "I said she's done. I ran into her outside." "Oh okay. Great. Let's go have our fun chat with Fatima. I'm sure she's got some really fun stuff planned this tour." They all groaned at the thought, but got up anyway. Chapter 4 "This is stupid!" JC whined as Justin sat him down in the chair. "Yeah, but it's fun. Trust me. You'll love being a blond." Somehow Justin had talked JC into dying his hair. He had always sworn that his hair color would never change. Of course he had sworn for years he would never get a tattoo, but Justin had managed to convince him to do that as well. He glanced down at the chinese symbol for peace on his forearm. Justin put a towel over JC's clothes and began to pour the bleach over his head. "Ow! That burns Curly!" "Yeah it will. Just sit back and relax. The burning means it's working." JC closed his eyes and let Justin go to work. He loved when someone ran their fingers through his hair. Justin was really good at it too. If he didn't stop soon, JC would be drooling soon. "Josh, do you ever wonder what it would be like to not be famous, to just be a normal person?" "We are normal Justin. We just have a bizarre job. But yeah, I wonder what I would have done if I wasn't a performer." "Did you ever want to go to college Josh?" "It's going to sound stupid, but I always wanted to be a teacher." Justin leaned over JC's shoulder and looked in the mirror. Staring back at him was JC with the bleach all over his hair and his own face right next to it. They were both smiling. "I don't think that's stupid Josh. I wanted to go to school to be an architect." "Why don't you Justin?" Justin shrugged as he checked JC's roots. "I guess I could. I like what I am doing now though. I like performing and making music. It makes me feel good." "It used to make me feel like that. The last few years have been tough. I don't have the enthusiasm I used to have." Justin climbed onto the counter and sat looking at JC. "Do you still want to be in 'Nsync Josh?" JC shrugged. "Somedays I can't wait to get out of bed and be JC. The rest of the days I just want to stay in bed and hide as Josh. I'm going to be here at least for this tour. After that, I don't know." Chris leaned over and handed Kira a bottle. She grabbed at it and began to immediatly drink. Haley was already drinking her bottle happily. "Have you decided what is going to happen when the tour starts?" Howie rocked Luna slowly as he fed her. He watched Chris take care of his kids. "Not really. Danielle works during the day so we need someone here with the girls. I take care of them during the day now, but once I leave I guess we'll hire a nanny. Have you and Ameena decided?" Howie shook his head. "I don't want to leave them. Ameena was supposed to sign on for this tour again as a lighting specialist, but with Luna here, she's not going to do that. Neither of us want to put the stress of touring on an infant, especially since she is still on oxygen at night." "How long is Luna going to be on the vent?" "She's not on a vent anymore. Now she uses oxygen in the nose plugs. I forget what they are called. You know what I mean though." Chris nodded and reached over to help Kira with her bottle. Haley had no problems drinking on her own, but Kira still had some problems. He pulled her onto his lap and helped to hold it for her. "I don't know if I would have been able to handle one of the girls being born with so many problems." "Ameena and I adjusted very, very quickly. We had to. Besides there are children born with many more problems then Luna has. Luna's are all related to her being so premature. Once she gets older and gains more weight her problems will get better." Howie looked down at his tiny daughter. Her eyes were closed, but she was still drinking steadily. Howie was glad about that. Often they had problems getting her to eat enough. "Chris, when you found out Danielle was pregnant did you think about your career?" "Yeah I did. I'm ashamed that I did, but I did. I thought it would ruin my chances to tour again. But right away I realized that it didn't matter. Danielle was having my child. I was going to be a father." "I was afraid when Ameena told me. I wasn't ready to be a father. I didn't really want to be a father. I was scared up until the day she was born. The moment I saw her I knew everything was going to be fine." Chris took Haley's empty bottle and lifted her up to burp her. Kira watched happily as her father swung her sister over her to be burped. "Did Josh tell you what was wrong yet?" Chris looked over at Howie quickly. "How did you know something was wrong with Josh?" "I'm not blind Chris. Everytime I've seen Josh, he has been more and more depressed. It's only going to get worse once the tour begins. You know how bad Joey was the last time you guys toured." Chris nodded tickling Haley with one hand while still holding Kira's bottle with the other. He looked up at Howie. "We don't know what to do. He won't talk to any of us." "Justin can we please take this off? It's really burning." Justin hopped off the counter and checked JC's roots again. They were still a little dark. "If we wash it out now, we will have to do it again to get the roots lighter." "Fine! Just get it off now!" Justin guided JC over to the sink and stuck his head underneath. As soon as the water hit his head, JC breathed a sigh of relief. "Holy crap! You are really blond Josh!" "Let me see!" Justin held him down. "Not yet. You'll get bleach in your eyes. I haven't washed it all out yet." "What do you think the other guys are going to say when they see this?" Justin shrugged. "Probably something along the lines of 'HOLY SHIT JC!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!' At least that's my guess." JC laughed. "I'm thinking your right. Wonder what my mom will say when she sees it?" "Probably the same thing she said when she saw the tattoo. 'Oh my Joshua. I guess you really are becoming a rock star.' Your mom is so cute Josh." "I'll be sure to tell her you think she is cute Justin." JC smiled as Justin washed his hair. He had missed spending time with Justin doing stupid stuff. He felt better already just because he had Justin around. Justin turned the water off and began to dry JC's hair. He ignored the fact that JC was sitting half-naked in front of him. Justin had seen JC naked before, so this wasn't that uncomfortable for him. "What are you thinking about Justin?" "Nothing really. You ready to start rehearsing for the tour?" "Not really. I haven't been keeping up with my exercise schedule. Fatima is going to know right away and murder me." "Don't worry about it Josh. You're such a good dancer it won't matter." "Thanks Justin. Can I see yet?" "Yup." He took the towel off JC's head and turned him towards the mirror. JC stared at the blond guy in the mirror. He reached up and touched his hair in disbelief. He was sooo blond. "Oh my gosh Justin. Look at me." "I think you look great." He leaned over and planted a kiss on Josh's cheek. "I really like it. I should have done this a long time ago." "Want to go get a beer or something? I got some in the fridge." JC nodded slowly still looking at his reflection. "Come on. We'll go chill out back by the pool." Justin grabbed two beers out of the fridge and they headed out back. "You going to be okay with Britney around Curly?" Justin groaned at the thought. "I doubt it. Do you know how much it hurts when you realize that you have wasted the past few years of your life on someone? Waking up one morning I rolled over and looked at Brit. She looked so evil while she slept. It was really scary. I began to think back to what my life had been like for the past few days at first. She made me hang up on Chris. She completely occupied all my time and told me exactly what I had to do. Then I thought back even further and I realized that I had lost all contact with the people I cared about most. I mean I still hung out with you guys and got to see you, but I wasn't your friend anymore. I don't know who I was. I have to find out who I am." JC looked at his friend. Justin had grown up a lot while with Britney. He had to. She was immature enough for both of them. "I wish I could have come to that decision earlier, but at least I did it." "I missed you a lot Justin." Justin pulled JC into a hug. He held onto him tightly. "I've missed you a lot too Josh. Tell me how you are doing." JC pulled back. He took a long drag of his beer. "I'm lonely Justin. I feel like the fifth wheel. Everyone else is happy and in a relationship. Well until you broke it off with Britney." "Josh, have you tried to make a relationship work? Don't get mad at me okay. I've just noticed that the problems that occur in your relationships are usually because of you." "I know that Justin. I just don't know how to make a relationship work. I wish I could make one work. How did you make yours work for so long?" "Oh Josh, I'm not the one to ask about that. Chris is probably the best to talk to about how to make relationships work since he had been with Danielle for so long." "I've talked to Chris about that. I love Chris dearly, but he doesn't seem to understand what I am talking about when I say I push people away. I can't get close to someone." "Not to be blunt again, but why would I?" JC shrugged. "I don't know. We just always seemed to be able to talk to each other. I guess I shouldn't have assumed you would understand." "Hey wait up. Don't get all defensive. I was just asking." "Maybe we should just talk later okay Justin." Chris picked up Kira and walked her upstairs to her crib. He and Howie had been talking for an hour about JC. Haley was asleep downstairs on the couch. Luna was asleep in her carrier. Chris placed her in bed and gave her a little kiss on the cheek. He loved his daughters so much. Leaving them to go on tour was going to hurt so much. "Chris, the phone is ringing!" Chris hauled ass into his bedroom and picked up the phone. "Hello?" "Chris, it's me." "Hey Justin, how did the bonding with JC go? Did he open up to you?" "He started to, but then he closed up really quick. We need to get him to a therapist soon. This is bad Chris." "As bad as Joey?" "This could end up being worse. Joey's had to do with school and the tour pressures on top of that. Josh's has to do with his self-confidence and his relationships." "Okay. I'll call one of my old professors and see what he says." "Joey said he was going to do that as well, so hopefully we will get Josh some help soon." "Has Lance said anything to you about what happened the day he and JC hung out a few weeks ago?" "Chris, I haven't talked to Lance in so long. I see him whenever we get together as a group. That's about it." "Yeah, it's kind of tough to get in touch with Lance sometimes. I talked to Jean-Michel the other day though. Thankfully he is easy to talk to and he doesn't feel like he should hide things from us." "I just wish that he wasn't around all the time. Though he is a good assistant to all of us, not just Lance." "Okay, Justin can I call you back? Howie is downstairs. We both have our kids today and we are doing the bonding/father thing." "Oh, yeah sure. I think Josh is done in the shower anyway. Wait until you see what we did today." "Uh oh. That doesn't sound good." "You'll like it. Trust me." "Talk to you later Curly." "Bye Daddy Chris." Lance scratched the back of Adam's ear as he stared into space. What had happened in the past few weeks that had isolated him so much? Ever since Justin had broken up with Britney, suddenly Lance was left out. He looked at his watch. There was no one to call to talk to. Well, except for his mother. Their conversations had gotten better, but at some point she always began to pray for his soul since he was such a sinner. Lance got up and stared out the window. He watched from the window as cars went by on the road. He became mesmerized, staring at the moving traffic. He kind of liked being alone like this. Lance touched the windowpane. His hand pressed against the glass as if he were trapped. That was how Jean-Michel found him an hour later, looking like he needed to escape. ---Sorry this took so long. I've been trying to get so much stuff done the past few weeks. School is nutso! Expect lotso delays in the next few weeks. Until I get done this semester, it's going to be slow going with the stories. E-mail me with comments okay!---