Date: Thu, 16 Mar 2000 18:51:10 EST From: seth Subject: common people, volume 6 Hello all! Are you ready for....... CHAPTER 6?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHOO-HOO! Umm... a couple of words about this chapter... I had a lot of trouble writing it... so don't blame me if you hate it, ok? I don't really know who else you would blame, but still... it's just that I had a bit of writer's block, and parts of it went through SEVERAL re-writes... I'm kinda happy with the way it turned out, but who the hell knows? Anyway, a personal note to everyone who's emailed me lately... sorry if I've been a bit negligent in returning email... it's just been somewhat difficult lately, but it seems like my life is evening out now, and I'll start to get back to ALL OF YOU. Now, the thank you's: To Jeff, author of "Twist of Fate," one of the best stories on the archive and an incredible friend, the other Jeff (known to some as RCJ) for helping me with this damn thing, Adam, author of "The Project," Braan, author of "Some Kind of Bliss," ummm... Ryan (author of "Crazy," another incredible story), Rebecca, one of the coolest girls (ewww... a girl!) I know, Andrew, David, Billy Burrew, Aaron, Jamie, Diana (go read "Intimate Stranger"), Shane, Jinny, Flip, Sam (go read "Blind Faith"), Mikey, Loner (go read "Magic Can Be Real"), DLS, Matt, Mike (the only person to guess where the line that ends my post-chapter comments comes from), Aurelien, Scott... and that might actually be it... I really need to stop with this long list thing... it's too tiring! Disclaimer Time! If you're under 18 or offended by homosexual material, don't read this. I use some big words that you might not understand. This story does not mean to imply that anyone in NSYNC is gay... at all. No sirree... won't find any implications here. You know what happens when you imply, right? You make an ass out of "u" and... oh wait... that's what happens when you assume... well... dammit. On with the story! Oh yeah, wait... definitely, whether you like or hate the story, email me about it! sethdropspants@hotmail.com... a funny email address for a funny guy! (That's my new personal slogan... what do you think?) Now, on with the story! *** (Last time...) "Well, whadda ya wanna know?" "I dunno... tell me a story?" "A story? What are you now? Five?" he laughed. "Exactly. I don't know... tell me about when you came out, or realized you were gay, or something like that. I mean, all the guys are so great about it... was it always like that? Do your parents know? Who does know? Do you ever plan on coming out completely? What..." "Whoa," he laughed. "Slow down boy. Ummm... how about I just tell you about me coming out, and we'll see where that leads us?" I nodded, so he continued. "Ok..." *** "Well, none of my stories are nearly as long or as involved as yours... but if you wanna know, ok." I nodded. "Go ahead. I'll be grading on poise and vocabulary." Josh laughed. "Ok... I'll be sure to throw in some big words then. Ummm... so you basically wanna know about the whole gay thing?" I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. I mean, I wanna know everything about you, but I guess that's a good thing to start with." He smiled at that. "Well, I mean... I guess that I always knew that I was gay... or at least, not straight." "When do you think you first realized?" He paused to think about the question. "I don't know... I mean, I can remember being 12 or so and sitting with friends... and they were all talking about girls... and I couldn't feel... or see... anything that they were talking about, you know?" I nodded. "They would say things like 'Oh, she's so hot' or something like that... and I just wouldn't get it." "Were you attracted to guys at that point?" He shook his head. "I don't really remember thinking a guy was cute or anything... which is why I didn't think I was gay then." "What do you mean?" "Well, I just figured that if I wasn't attracted to either guys or girls, I was fine. No problem. I just thought I would eventually grow into liking girls." I laughed. "But it didn't exactly happen like that, did it?" He chuckled. "Umm... no... not quite. When I did get to the point of being attracted to people, it sure wasn't girls. I was still in denial about it though, I suppose." I grinned at him. "Was this your 'straight' phase?" He laughed a little. "Why? Jealous?" I paused. "Maybe... a little. Tell me about it." He shifted in his chair a bit. "Ummm... are you sure you wanna hear about this?" "Sure. Why not?" I shrugged. "Ok." He paused. "There's not a whole lot to tell. I went out with... ummm... two girls total. The first was when I was about 18." That surprised me. "That's kind of late." He shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose. I guess it was just that since I knew, at least in the back of my mind, that I wasn't attracted to girls, I always avoided going out with them. And even then I took the easy way out. The girl, Rebecca, was pretty much my best friend... in other words, she was just kinda there." "How long did you go out with her?" "About a month or two... she broke it off with me because, for obvious reasons, we didn't really have a lot of physical chemistry." I smiled again. "So... how far did you guys go?" "Why?" he asked, a little too quickly for my tastes. "Ummm... I'm just kinda curious. Got something to hide?" I asked, only half teasing. I was a little worried why he seemed so uncomfortable talking about this. "We..." he dropped his head down. "We..." Oh my God. They had... "You had sex," I stated flatly. He nodded, nearly imperceptibly. They had... oh my God... my head was spinning and I felt nauseous. I was glad that I was already sitting down, or else my legs would have given way long ago. "Tobe?" Josh asked, in a whisper. "Are you ok?" I tried to get my brain to form some words, but everything was frozen. They had... SEX! He had sex... with a girl! Josh was now looking at me, obviously worried. I knew that I had to give him some form of a response, so I slowly shook my head. This was obviously not the answer that he wanted, and his head dropped again. After a few minutes of silence, he managed to speak up again. "So...?" "I... I don't know what to say Josh. Ummm... God! You slept with her!" I stood up and starting pacing. "Yeah, I did. And you slept with Shane! What are you so upset about?" He had also stood up and seemed to be getting a little angry. "Yeah, Josh, I did sleep with Shane. But there's one small difference: Shane's a guy!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "So what are you saying? That if I had slept with a guy you wouldn't care?" I threw my hands up in the air. "I don't know Josh! But it... it would have been different!" "Why?!?" "Are you bi?" "What?!?" "ARE YOU BI? Are you attracted to girls?" "NO!" We were now yelling at each other, but more, I think, out of frustration and confusion than anger. "Then how could you sleep with a girl? If you were able to get it up, you had to have had some sort of attraction!" He paused. "That is... that is really unfair Toby. Really unfair. God, this is why... why is this bothering you so much?" "I don't know! I don't know! I mean... how do I know... it's hard enough being gay... and finding someone you really care about who's also gay... and you've been with a GIRL... and you could be with one again..." "Jesus Toby... is that what this is about? I'm gay! I like guys! I like... I like you! Yeah, I slept with Rebecca... ONCE!... it went really badly, and the only reason I was able to 'get it up,' as you put it, was because I was thinking about guys the whole time! I'm not going to leave you for anyone, let alone a girl!" "HOW DO I KNOW THAT?" "BECAUSE I'M TELLING YOU! And that should be good enough!" That... that finally got through to me, and I realized how stupid I was being. Fuck. He was right. He WAS with a girl... 5 years ago... and he said it went badly... he said he was thinking about guys... he's done nothing but be honest to you so far... c'mon, Tobe... you have to trust him. "Josh... you're... you're right. I'm... I'm sorry." He crossed the room and pulled me into a hug. "Toby..." he started. God... all I had to do was touch him and everything... all my worries, all my troubles... they just vanished. "Toby, I've known you for 5 weeks. I honestly think that it's too early to say that I love you... but... but I could see myself spending the rest of my life with you!" Wow... did he just say that? "Thank you Josh... for everything." He laughed a little. "Hey... it's what I'm here for. Are we... are we ok?" I nodded. "I'm sorry Josh. I overreacted... badly." "It's ok. I mean, I guess I understand... just... just believe me when I say this: I am soooooo not attracted to girls," he laughed. "I'm attracted to guys... I'm attracted to you." I reluctantly pulled away from him and nodded. "I... I'm sorry... I do believe you." I brushed the side of his face with my hand. "I do." "Whoa..." he laughed, "it's a little early for that phrase, isn't it?" I shoved him lightly. "You big jerk!" I laughed. "That's twice now you've ruined a moment!" He just continued to laugh. I sighed. "Fine. Why don't you go drag your laughing ass into the living room and I'll clear the table. I'll be in there in a minute and you can finish your story, ok?" He nodded and headed into the other room. I quickly threw our dishes into the dishwasher (rinse beforehand, my ass) and dumped the garbage into the trash. Content that I had cleaned up enough, I grabbed a couple of drinks and moved into the other room. Josh had situated himself on a couch and had conveniently spread himself over the whole damn thing. "Well great... where in the hell am I supposed to sit?" He grinned up at me. "I don't know... I guess you'll just have to make do." I sighed and set the drinks down on the coffee table. "Well, I guess I'll have a nice pillow, at least." He laughed a bit as I laid down on top of him, taking care to maneuver my elbow directly into his stomach. "Ummm... don't get me wrong... as much as I like this... I can't breathe," he gasped. "Hmmm... I guess you'll just have to make do." He smiled as I shifted myself so that I was more on my side than on top of him, with my head remaining on his chest. "So... go on." "Are you sure?" I nodded and he sighed. "Ok... ummm... after the thing with Rebecca ended, I didn't go out with anyone for a long time... about 4 years." "What happened then?" "Well, the guys set me up. I mean, at that point, I had pretty much admitted to myself that I was gay... but no one else knew. The guys, especially Justin, were always worried about me because I never dated, but whenever they asked me about it, I would brush it off. I would always say something like I didn't have time for a relationship or things were just too busy right now... you know, something like that. But finally, and I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that it was coming, we were home on a break... for like 2 or 3 months... and they set me up. The girl, Hannah, was someone Justin had known for like forever, and they were great friends. I guess that he just figured that he would try and hook up his two best friends, you know?" I nodded. "So anyway, we went out, but I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. I broke it off after like 3 dates." "Why were you so uncomfortable?" He laughed. "Because I'm gay Tobe." "That's not what I meant." He sighed. "I know. I guess... I guess it was like this. I mean, I always felt bad about lying to everyone, but I always figured it was ok, because no one was being hurt by it, you know? But by going out with Hannah, I was hurting someone. So I ended it." "Let me guess," I interrupted. "Justin was pissed?" Josh grinned. "To say the least. For the next week or two, every time I saw him, all he would do was bug me about it, wanting to know why I broke it off, what had happened. And when I didn't give him a good answer, he just got so... well, not really angry... more frustrated than anything else." "Why did you never tell him?" "I don't know," he sighed. "I mean... I didn't think that he would react horribly or anything... but... but... you just don't know. You just don't know how they'll react." I smiled. "Trust me... I know what you're talking about." He laughed. "Yeah, I would think so. But, at that point, I didn't really have a choice anymore... I had to tell him, or have him be eternally pissed at me." "What happened? Well... I know what happened... but how did you do it?" "I just went over to his house one day. I don't remember how, but we ended up sitting on his back porch, and it was around dusk, so it was starting to get a little dark. I was so nervous about it... the only thing I could think about was losing my best friend, breaking up the group. And we just sat there in silence... just sat there... until I just turned to him... I just turned to him and said 'Justin... I'm... I'm gay.'" "Wow. How did he react?" Josh smiled. "He was... he was so great about it. He just looked at me... and said 'So?' I was shocked, to say the least... I mean, after all the crap that was running through my head, that was the last thing I expected. But... he just smiled and hugged me, telling me it was ok, he didn't care, that I was still his best friend." He laughed. "And then he pulled away from me and started yelling cause I didn't tell him earlier." I laughed with him. I had forgotten how great it was to see Josh happy, to see that incredible smile of his. It had been a while since either of us had had anything to really be happy about. "So then what?" "Well, Justin was so supportive... we ended up staying up most of the night just talking about... about everything! I mean, we were so close before that... but we moved to an entirely new level, ya know?" I nodded slightly and he went on. "Well, the next day, we got the other guys together, and I told them." "Did any of them react badly?" Josh thought for a minute before answering. "I wouldn't say yes and I wouldn't say no." "What do you mean?" "Well, they weren't so much upset about the whole gay thing as they were... kinda... mad." "Mad?" "Like I said, not cause of the gay thing, but because I had never told them. They felt... I guess... like I didn't trust them enough to tell them. And so I just had to explain to them that it's kind of a hard to thing to admit to yourself, let alone your 5 best friends. So we worked it out, and things were and still are fine." "So who else knows?" "Ummm... besides the guys? Well... Tom..." I interrupted him. "Why did you tell him?" Josh shrugged. "I don't know. He's just a really cool guy and it just kinda came out, no pun intended, one day." Wait a minute... he didn't... "When?" "When what?" "When did you tell Tom?" "Uh... I don't know... about three months ago or so. Why?" That bastard! I'm gonna have to punch him... hard... next time I see him... and then give him a big ass hug. "Cause he called me about three months ago asking me about this job." A smile slowly crept across Josh's face as he realized what I was saying. "He set us up." I nodded and he laughed. "Remind me to hit him... right after the other guys." I laughed. "They were in on this too?!?" "Yep." "Those assholes! We'll have to think of a way to get even with them." An evil grin appeared on Josh's face. "Oh most definitely." Damn... he is one cute motherfu... "You know... you're kinda cute when you're planning something." He blushed and looked down at me sheepishly. "Well... you're kinda cute every time I see you." How sweet was that? I sighed and snuggled closer into him. I eventually remembered that he never finished his story, so I nudged him with my elbow. He looked down at me. "What?" "Go on..." "With what?" I smiled. "Your story doofus!" "Oh yeah..." he laughed. "Where was I?" "You've told Tom and the guys... who else?" "Well, yeah... Tom, the guys... umm... Justin's mom, Lynn... she's like a second mother to me... and... you." That surprised me. "That's it?" "Yep." He nodded. "Wow..." "What?" "Well, you just seem to be pretty open about it... I figured more people knew." Josh frowned a little. "That'd be... nice... but... but it's just hard, you know?" I rubbed his stomach a little, making him smile again. Good... as cute as he is normally, he's even better looking when he's happy. "So... your parents don't know?" He sighed. "I've wanted to tell them so many times... but I can't." "They wouldn't react well?" "I don't know... it's just... I mean... I'm Catholic!" I ran my fingers through his hair. "It's ok... I mean, it's cool with me either way... all I'm gonna say is that it probably won't go as badly as you think... I mean, they're your parents... and they love you." "I know... and I think about telling them all the time..." he drifted off. I briefly considered saying something else, but I didn't wanna press the issue. Instead, I just continued to run my fingers through his hair, trying to make him feel a little better. "What time is it?" I sighed and dug out my pocketwatch. "Umm... about 9:30... why?" A smile slowly crept across his face. "Well... the guys won't be home for at least another hour." "Joshua Scott Chasez... what did you have in mind?" He laughed. "Oh nothing, Toby... ummm... what the heck is your middle name?" I paused before answering. "It's not important..." "Oh c'mon! Just tell me... it can't be THAT bad." I sighed. "Well, Toby's my middle name." "Really? What's your first name then?" "Nicholas." He seemed to consider this for a second. "Nicholas Toby Evans? Doesn't really flow." "Well... my middle name's not actually Toby... Toby's short for Tobin." "Tobin?!?" he laughed. I shot him a dirty look. "I'm sorry... but that's kind of funny. Nicholas Tobin Evans... that's not bad... why don't you go by Nick?" "That's what my parents call me... bad memories and all." He rubbed my back. "I'm sorry." I cut him off. "It's ok... nothing either one of us can do about it now." We sat there in silence for some time before Josh spoke up again. "Besides... Toby's a really sexy name," he laughed. I poked him in the side and grinned. "That's what everyone tells me." That stopped him pretty quickly. I was actually kinda surprised at how well that worked. "Like who?!?" "Oh, no one... that you need to know about, at least." "Well, fine... then you don't need to know what my idea was," he pouted. Damn... he was even cute when he pouted. "I think that I have a pretty good idea as to what your idea was." I carefully maneuvered myself back on top of him, taking care to make sure that he was a lot more comfortable than the last time I did it. I looked at his face, searching for any sign of discomfort. Not finding any, I pressed my forehead against his. "Hi," I whispered. "Hi yourself... I'm still mad at you." I laughed a little. "Well... I think I can figure out some way to make it up to you." He smiled and arched an eyebrow at me. "Oh really? Like what?" "Like this..." I slowly leaned down and pressed my lips against his own. His tongue hesitantly pressed against my lips, and I opened my mouth a little more to accept it. His lips were so soft... and he was so gentle... he moaned softly, and I felt the vibrations from his mouth against my own. Our tongues continued to circle as his hands slipped under my shirt and began to rub up and down my back. I pulled away from his mouth and moved to his ear, then the side of his neck (where I would have liked to have stayed longer, but I didn't wanna leave any hard-to-explain marks), and then the nape. "Oh Toby..." he sighed. He kept one hand on my back and moved the other to the back of my head. He lightly brushed his fingers through my hair as I worked my way back to his mouth. Our kissing was becoming more and more passionate, and Josh began to grind into me. Shit... this was moving a little too fast. I reluctantly pulled away from him and sat up. "What's the matter?" Josh panted, looking a little confused. "Josh... nothing's the matter... it's just that I... I don't want us to move too fast. I think we should take things slowly... and if we kept going the way we were, I don't think 'slow' would have lasted much longer." He sat up and took my hand in his. "Tobe... I know exactly what you mean. I don't wanna sleep with you... well... actually... I do... A LOT... but I don't wanna sleep with you YET. I agree with you completely, and I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Damn... he was so sweet... have I mentioned that yet? I brushed my free hand against the side of his face. "You didn't make me uncomfortable Josh... if anything, you made me a little too comfortable. I don't wanna move too fast, or make you feel pressured or anything." He smiled a little. "Toby... don't worry about that. If I don't wanna do something, I'll tell you... and you do the same, ok?" I nodded. "Ok." We sat there for a few minutes, just holding hands and looking at each other (and smiling... we both seemed to be doing a lot of smiling the last few hours). It all seemed so unbelievable to me... Josh was so great, so wonderful... and he was here with me. He made me feel like no one... not even Shane... had ever made me feel before. I felt like... like I could be happy for the rest of my life just sitting with him, just holding his hand. "What are you thinking?" he asked. I smiled a little sheepishly. "Ummm... just how wonderful you are." "That's a coincidence... I was thinking the same thing." "How wonderful you are?" I laughed. He giggled a little and punched me lightly on the arm. "No dummy... how wonderful you are." I blushed. "And how cute you are when you blush," he added. That just made my face even redder. He laughed softly and pulled me closer to him. I thought he was leaning in for a kiss, but he bypassed my mouth and started nibbling on my ear. Oh... my... God... my entire body was tingling. "I guess you like that," he whispered. I could only nod, making him smile even more. He eventually decided to have mercy on me and moved from my ear to my lips. He remained there for a while, drawing no complaints from me. "Ahem!" Josh jumped like three feet off the couch. I was pretty surprised too, but I managed to control myself a bit better then him. I looked past Josh and saw the guys standing there, dopey grins on each one of their faces. I blushed a little. "How long have you guys been standing there?" Chris laughed. "Oh... about 10 minutes. And we've been trying to get your attention for at least 5 of those." I turned to look at Josh, who seemed to be about as embarrassed as I was. "Whoops." He laughed. I turned back to the guys. "Sorry... I... guess we... got..." I tried to choose my words carefully, but my mind wasn't functioning at full capacity at the moment. "I guess we got distracted," I finally finished. Justin smiled at the two of us. "Hey... no need to apologize to us. It's about time you two were sucking face." "Hey Justin... don't say 'suck' around a gay couple," Joey laughed. "Unless it's an offer!" I added. The other guys all laughed at that, except Josh, who was giving me a funny look. "What?!? The opening was right there! I had to say it!" "Well... just remember... I'm the only person you're gonna suck ANYTHING of... GOT IT?" My jaw dropped... and when I say dropped, I mean Looney Tunes style. Josh busted out laughing at my reaction, as did the other guys. I quickly recovered though. "Is that a promise or a threat?" I smiled at him. Before he could answer, Lance interrupted. "All right! Enough sexual innuendo for one evening, thank you very much. I'm going to bed." He turned to Josh and me. "Guys, I'm glad you stopped being idiots and hooked up already. I'll see you in the morning." I laughed. "Night Lance." The other guys soon followed Lane's lead, and headed to their respective rooms, leaving only Josh and I. "Well... quite a day, huh?" "To say the very least. You don't... you don't regret any of it, do you?" he asked quietly. That surprised me a little... he always seemed so confident about everything... I guess he had some worries too. "Josh," I began, grabbing hold on his hands. "The only thing I regret is that I wasn't smart enough to be with you before." That seemed to satisfy him, and he smiled. "C'mon... let's go to bed." He arched an eyebrow at me, so I clarified a bit more. "TO SLEEP!" He laughed and followed me to my room, making a quick stop at his room to grab his pajama bottoms. While he was changing, I used the bathroom, brushed my teeth, all that crap. Josh passed me on my way back, wearing his p.j. bottoms and nothing else. The next thing I saw was my floor, as I smashed my head into a doorframe. Josh laughed and came over to help me. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer." He gently brushed his fingers over the wound. I winced. "Crap... you're bleeding. Come on." He helped me up and led me back to the bathroom, which I was grateful for... I was still kinda woozy. I sat on the toilet as Josh grabbed a paper towel from under the sink and wet it, making sure the water wasn't too hot or too cold. I smiled at his sweetness. He crossed the room to me and began to dab at the wound, causing me to wince again. "C'mon... it can't hurt THAT much." "It does!" I whined. "Well, maybe you should watch where you're going," he teased. "Well, maybe you shouldn't look so damn good!" He blushed. "I mean, if you had a crappy body, I wouldn't have had to stare. So there... it's your fault." I stuck my tongue out at him, making him laugh. "Watch where you're pointing that thing mister." I laughed. "You're not the first... never mind." Josh grinned. "Good idea." He gave my head a kiss and said, "There... good as new. Now get outta here so I can pee." "Alright... I'll miss you." I batted my eyelashes at him. "Yeah yeah yeah... save it for later." "Aye aye cap'n!" I saluted him and turned to leave. "I'll be in my room... and... Josh?" He turned around to face me. "Yeah?" "Thanks." He smiled. "Anytime Toby... anytime." Shutting the door behind me, I headed back to my room. I quickly changed and threw on my pajamas and an old T-shirt. I plopped down on my bed and buried my face in a pillow... I couldn't imagine a more stressful day... or a happier ending. Could Josh be the one? Could he... could I spend the rest of my life with him? No... don't think like that Tobe... it's waaaaaaay too early for that. I mean, I've only known him for like 5 weeks! But Josh was just so different... so... "Hey you." I flipped over onto my back. Josh was standing at the foot of the bed. "Hey... you gonna join me, or am I gonna have to get medieval on your ass?" He started to say something before I cut him off. "Don't even go there." He laughed, flipped the light switch, and climbed into bed beside me. "Hey Josh?" "Yeah?" "How are we gonna do this?" He snuggled up closer to me and rested his head on my chest. "Do what?" "This! I mean... you're leaving tomorrow!" "I know," he sighed. "I would stay here... forever if I could..." "So stay... for at least a little while!" "You know... you know I can't. We have all this publicity crap to do and concerts..." "You're going on tour?" I felt him shake his head. "No... just mostly stuff in and around Orlando... our management is trying to raise our profile back up... I think we're going up to New York to do some stuff for MTV too." I sighed. "So what do we do?" "I guess... we just run up large phone bills." "I suppose." He must have noticed that I sounded somewhat upset, because he sat up and looked at me. "I'm not gonna lie to you Tobe... it's not gonna be easy... but you know I'll be back as soon as I can, don't you?" I nodded. "I've never felt like this about anyone Toby. and I'm gonna do whatever I can to make it work." "I know. I'll just miss you at all." I sniffled a little. Josh laid back down beside me. "I'm gonna miss you too... A LOT... but right now, we don't really have a choice... just know that I care about you deeply... and I'm always just a phone call away." I laughed a little. "What?" "I'm sorry... that was just so corny." He shoved me a little. "Shut up!" He paused for a minute. "Are you ok?" "Yeah I guess... it'll just take some getting used to." "That it will." We laid there in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. I tried to put the fact that he was leaving out of my mind, and just enjoy being with him NOW. but my mind doesn't really work like that. "What are you thinking?" "A lot of things, I suppose," I sighed. "But I'll be fine." "You sure?" I nodded. "Good... so I'll see you tomorrow?" I laughed. "Ummm... YEAH!" "Good night Toby," he laughed. "Night Josh." *** And that would be all for now... I decided to be nice... not even a sliver of a cliffhanger this time! Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it... email me about the story and get a free prize (an email back from me! Wow... don't you feel lucky?!?). Email me at sethdropspants@hotmail.com... until next time guys, be good and don't let the man get you down!