DISCLAIMER: All events that transpire in this story are fictitious along with the interruption of the celebrities used. I do not mean to imply that anyone is gay, it's for entertainment purposes only. Please do not remove this story without permission from the author.
Sometimes I go to extreme, tell me why this conversation seems like a dream. K.W. Warner
CONVERSATION ON THE STAIRS
The luxurious hotel suite was dark, the great blinds drawn to block out the light from the city that never sleeps. Empty bottles of champagne littered the expensive carpets; small pools of the bubbly liquid lay forgotten where they splashed from the crystal glasses.
Broken lamps lay on the floor along with discarded clothing from the three-day party that had ensued. Room service carts told the extent of the lavish drinking binge the owner of the suite indulged in.
Sofa's and couch's overturn in the wake of the partygoers. The mini bar emptied days ago, now left opened and on its side. The damage was tremendous and the bill would reflect it down to the smallest detail.
To the owner of the suite, the small fortune would be forgotten the second he signed for the damages. It was of no concern to the twenty-three year old entertainer.
Two men lay in the spacious king-sized bed, side by side. Both naked after an exhaustive night of lovemaking. The sheets rumpled in the wake of their noisy coupling, the smell of sex lay heavy in the air.
The owner of the suite was laying face down, one arm hugged a pillow tightly, his left leg bent at the knee. The sheet covered him except the curly brown head that stuck out like a turtle emerging from his shell.
The other man was staring up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head. As he listened to the gentle snoring of his partner, his eyes welled up with tears.
If only it could be like this forever he thought as he turned his head to watch the sleeping man. For two years he had been an escort. The man lying beside him was his best customer.
Always the same story between them. A phone call discreetly placed on a voice ad for the singles connection. Money for the cab ride was always waiting on the dresser along with his thousand-dollar fee. A few hours of meaningless sex, and the man sent him on his merry way.
At the beginning of this arrangement, Scott had known that the man hired many escorts to feed his sexual appetite. But as time went by, Scott had quickly become the favorite. Now, the man admitted that he called no others but his favorite stress reliever now.
At first Scott felt as if some bond had been made between them. Sometimes, they would spend hours, expensive hours, but hours just talking about each other's lives. As time progressed, Scot found himself falling in love with the charismatic singer.
Now, two years later, Scott had quit his escort career and the man was his only client. Though most times Scott referred to the man as his boyfriend. He lived quite comfortably on the two thousand a week he made from this man.
But no matter how hard he lied to himself, he knew deep down that he was still only a hustler. The man bought him expensive gifts, jewelry and clothes but never took the next step. Scott knew that if he ever brought up a desire for a deeper relationship, it would be over.
The man said frequently that he was fond of Scott. Scott knew that for what it was. I like you, you're a great piece of ass but you'll never be more than that to me. He could accept the fact that he would never be a boyfriend to the singer.
But at times like these, in the small hours of the night, Scott could almost believe that they were a couple. Seeing him there lying so peaceful, looking like an innocent child bathed in the light from the TV.
Wiping the tears from his blue eyes, he stood up. The man stirring slightly but was too far-gone in drink to wake up. Grabbing his pants, he stuffed himself into the tight leather. Checking to make sure he had his cigarettes, he softly walked to the front door.
Slipping out of the suite, he made sure to leave the door open slightly. Making his way to the access stairs, he opened the door silently. Sitting down on the top step, he lit up a Marlboro and breathed the blue black smoke deep into his lungs.
His only gripe about the man was he did not allow smoking anywhere around him. He had to steal time to get his nicotine fix.
As he lit his second cigarette, he heard a door open on the next landing down. It was two men and from their voices, Scott could tell they were arguing about something important. Always being one to eavesdrop, he silently listened to the argument.
The louder of the two, Scott mentally named him deep voice, was pleading with the other man to let him explain. Scott could tell from their words that they were a couple.
Deep voice pleaded, "Aaron, please let me explain. It wasn't like that."
"Bullshit." Aaron disagreed. "I saw you in bed with him Brandon. All cuddled up."
"We were just drunk. Nothing happened." Brandon stated angrily. Scott heard a noise that sounded like the man punching the wall.
"I hope you broke it." Aaron said hopefully. "I know we're having our problems, but you didn't have to fuck someone else the second my back was turned."
"I haven't fucked anyone." Brandon said the pain from his hand evident in his voice.
"Then what were you doing in bed with that guy naked." Aaron demanded triumphantly.
"Ben is an old friend of mine." Brandon explained. "After our fight last night I went to see him. We had a few too many beers and then we went back to my house."
"Where you fucked him."
"No, we stripped down and got in the hot tub. Afterwards we must've went to bed." Brandon said, his voice cracking with emotion.
"Went to bed together, naked. Don't tell me you didn't fuck him." Aaron stated his voice becoming shrill in his excitement.
"Just because we were naked doesn't mean we fucked."
"Don't be a stupid fucker. That's the same way we got together remember. You got me drunk, we went in the hot tub and then ended up fucking in your bed." Aaron reminded him.
"For the thousandth time I didn't fuck him." Brandon yelled, his voice echoing in the concrete stairwell.
"Keep your voice down. Do you want to get me fired?"
"Please, Aaron. You got to believe me. I haven't fucked—made love to anyone besides you, ever."
Scott pictured Aaron with tears as he whispered so softly he had trouble making it out, "I wish I can believe you. But I can't right now Brandon."
"Okay. Then please stop by after you get off work. Please." Brandon pleaded.
"I'll think about it." Aaron replied through his tears.
Scott heard the door open and slam shut again. Breathing out, he lit another cigarette. Hearing the sobbing from Aaron, he stood up and walked down the stairs.
As he made his way around the corner, he saw a boy of about nineteen sitting on the step, his knees held tightly to his chest.
He was dressed in the uniform of the hotel, Scott figured he was bellhop. The boy had his head in his hands, muttering softly to himself.
Not wanting to frighten the boy, Scott called out softly from the landing, "Are you okay?"
The boy turned around quickly and stared at the half-naked man coming towards him. Seeing the man bare chested and only wearing a pair of tight leather pants, the boy figured him for a guest of the hotel.
"I'm fine." He stammered as he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I just got some bad news."
Scott smiled weakly and said, "I know, I heard."
The boy's eyes widened in fear and he took a step back.
"No, its okay." Scott answered quickly. "I was sneaking a cigarette at the top of the stairs."
"I didn't mean to listen." Scott lied as he reached the boy.
Seeing the cigarette in the man's hands, Aaron asked shyly, "Can I have one of those?"
"Sure." Scott answered with a smile. Sitting down on the step, he handed the boy his pack. "Here, sit down. Take a breath of this cancer and relax."
Smiling at the bad joke, he sat down next to the man and waited for a light. Scott fired up the fag and asked, "Are you going to be okay?"
"Yea." Aaron said weakly. The embarrassment showing on his youthful face. "It's been a bad day."
"I hear that. I've had a rough one myself." Scott said as he thought about his own weird relationship in the suite above him.
"Have you been with him long?" He asked hesitantly not wanting to pry but his own curiosity getting the better of him.
"For three years." Aaron said as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I met him in school."
"So you're high school sweethearts then." Scott grinned broadly.
"Were." Snorted Aaron. "Not anymore. Not after last night."
The two smoked in silence for a few minutes. Aaron's face was a mixture of anger, jealousy, pain and confusion. He was sniffling softly to himself, fighting back the tears that threatened to spring forth again.
Breaking the silence, he asked, "Have you ever been in love before?"
Scott smiled, "Yea, yes I have."
"Is it always this painful? Does it ever get better?" He asked, his blue eyes wide with expectation.
"That's a difficult question to answer." Scott mused. "Love is a bitchy mistress at best. It can be so wonderful; it can make the world seem a better place. Or it can turn the most beautiful day into something that not even God himself can describe."
"And the worst thing about love is." Scott emphasized with his lit cigarette. "You can't choose who you fall in love with."
"I know that." Aaron sighed. "I tried not to love him. God how I tried. But it was the smallest things that made me. The way he smiled. The way he listened to me. You could tell that he was truly interested in what I had to say. The one thing that really did it though was the way his face lit up every time he saw me. I made him happy just seeing me walk into the room."
Flicking his cigarette at the wall, Aaron sighed loudly. "And now all this. I fuck hate him for making me feel this way."
Scott studied the boy next to him. He could see frustration in those sad eyes and knew that sadness was mirrored in his own. His heart went out to the boy and he felt a desire to help him. If anything it might help him move on with his own life.
"No you don't. I can see you still love him. That's way your hurting so much now." Scott stated kindly.
Aaron didn't answer but looked at Scott with a weird expression on his face.
"Do you think he might be telling the truth?" Scott asked.
"I don't know. I want to believe him. But how can I?"
Scott smiled, "That's easy. Has he ever lied to you before?"
Shaking his head immediately, Aaron replied, "No, never. We never lied to each other. We promised not to do that. Not after having to lie to everyone else for so many years."
"Are you out yet?"
"Kind of. Some of our closest friends know. His family knows. But I haven't told mine yet." Aaron explained. "As a matter of fact, that was what we were fighting about last night."
"He wants you to come out." Scott said, shaking his head in understanding. Handing a cigarette to the boy, he lit another one.
After taking a deep drag, Aaron confided, "I'm not ready to come out yet. It's still all scary for me."
"I remember when I came out." Scott offered with grin. "That was tough."
"You're gay too?" Aaron exclaimed.
"Does that surprise you?"
"No I guess not." Aaron said with a grin. "So you understand all about this."
"Oh yeah. I was twenty. I had been struggling with that decision for years." Scott said, leaning back against the wall. "I knew at an early age I was gay."
"How did you finally do it?" Aaron asked. "I mean what'd you say to your parents?"
Laughing, Scott stated, "I never came out. My dad caught me giving a guy a blow-job in the living room one night."
"Ouch. How'd he take it?"
"Not very well at first. But now, we kind of have an understanding about it. My mom was devastated. She doesn't speak to me much since then."
"I'm sorry." Aaron replied his face filled with compassion.
"I'm okay with it. My life is better now. I don't have to hide anything anymore."
"I would die if my dad caught me blowing Brandon." Aaron said with a grin. "So would he."
"Brandon or your dad?"
"My dad." Aaron said with a laugh. "I come from a really religious family. They think homosexuality is a sin."
"Do you think that?" Scott asked pointedly.
"I don't know." Aaron admitted with a sigh. "When we first started fooling around, I was so torn by my love for God and my love for Brandon. I felt so fucking dirty but I couldn't help myself."
"What about now? Do you still love God?"
"Of course. Brandon and I still go to church every Sunday." Aaron stated a confused look on his face. "But I don't know if God still loves me."
Scott peered at the wall, lost in his own thoughts. Finally he spoke, "The bible says God is love. I don't think he can hate anyone much less a little queer from New York."
"It doesn't really matter now. I fucked up with Brandon." Aaron replied with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I don't think so. He did come to your work and beg you to listen to him. I don't think you've lost him yet." Scott reminded as he put his arm around the youth and gave him a gentle squeeze.
Leaning into the hug, Aaron shook his head. "I don't know about last night. Not just me catching him with another guy but the argument about coming out to my parents. I'm not ready to do that."
"Why does he want you to come out?" Scott asked, his blue eyes locked on the boy.
"He's says he's tired of hiding. He wants my parents to know that I'm loved. That I have a wonderful guy and that we have a loving relationship together." Aaron explained.
"That sounds like he really loves you and he wants to be able to show that love to the world." Scott said, his voice filled with longing. If only he had someone like that in his own life.
"And what's your biggest reason for not telling your parents?" Scott asked, trying to make the youth confront his feelings.
Thinking about it, Aaron finally said, "I don't want to disappoint them. They always talk about me getting a girlfriend and having a family. My mom wants grandchildren so bad I'd think she do just about anything to get them. I don't want to let them down."
"Are you sure its not because your stilling trying not to love him?"
"What do you mean?" Aaron asked, staring at the floor.
"You said when you first met him you tried not to love him. If you tell your parents, that's admitting you're in love with him. Maybe your scared of him more than you are your parents."
"No, I'm not scared of him."
"Are you scared of being called gay?" Scott asked, pushing harder for the truth he knew was just below the surface.
"Yes, I don't want to go through all the stares and bullshit talk behind my back." Aaron stated angrily.
Shaking his head in agreement, Scott continued, "That's hard at first. But let me tell you something. You can only deny who you are for so long before you go insane. You can hide the fact from your parents, your friends, even from your self for a while. But there will come a time when you can't hide it anymore."
"And trust me, when that times comes, you'll want someone who loves you standing next to you. Coming out alone is scary; coming out to declare your love for someone else isn't so bad. Because you know no matter what other people think, you have his love and support." Scott lectured.
"I never thought of it like that." Aaron said softly. "Maybe I am scared of that. I was so worried about what other people think that I forgot about him."
"As mad and hurt as you are right now, think about what he's going through. He thinks you don't love him because you promised to come out and then didn't. He came out for you, that's how much he loves you I think." Scott declared.
"What about Ben though? He should have known better than that. Why couldn't he have at least put on some clothes?"
"So he fucked up. Life is one big long mistake. The only thing is you hope you can learn from your mistakes. He will make mistakes just as you will make mistakes. But if your love is strong enough, you can make it through anything if you stick together."
"So you think I should give him another chance?" Aaron asked timidly.
"Do you know what I do for a living?"
"I'm an escort. To be truthful, I get paid to fuck people." Scott informed him bluntly.
"Really? Do you get paid well?" Aaron asked with a grin.
"I do alright. But I have this client. He's been renting me for two years, steadily. He told me a story."
Aaron listened, his eyes intent of Scott.
"A few years ago, my client went to the Virgin Islands on vacation. While he was there he met a man. They hit it off and both of them realized that they were falling in love with each other."
"How romantic." Aaron interrupted with a sigh.
"But at the time, they had to go their separate ways for a very stupid reason. I know that my client loves that man still. He won't even let anyone else close to him. So instead of trying to find that man again, he pays me a thousand dollars a night to fuck him. After I leave, he goes right back to being alone. All because he let someone he loved go for a stupid reason."
"Yes, it's quite sad really. He has this picture of the two of them taken while on vacation. They're sitting in a restaurant beside the ocean, their arms around each other. Both of them have these smiles plastered on their faces, big from ear to ear. He never goes anywhere without that picture. The other man doesn't even have a copy. All this because he didn't hold on to his love." Scott finished, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"You're in love with him aren't you?" Aaron stated. The evidence falling down the man's cheek.
"Yes, but he doesn't return that love." Scott replied as he wiped the tears away with his hand. "All I'm saying is you don't want to end up with a maybe. If you don't go to Brandon tonight, you will always wonder if he was telling you the truth or not. At least give him the benefit of the doubt, if you really love him."
Grabbing Scott in a hug, Aaron started to cry. Whispering in his ear, Aaron thanked him over and over. Scott smiled through his tears as Aaron said, "I will. I do love him."
Breaking away from the boy, Scott stood up. He started up the stairs and Aaron called out to him, "Thank you. For everything."
Turning to look at the boy, Scott stated, "You have a long life ahead you Aaron. Be happy, be strong and never be ashamed of who you are. It's just not worth in the end. Goodbye."
Scott left the boy looking at him as he made his way back to the suite. The place was still a mess; champagne was still drying in pools on the floor. The money was still on the dresser and he was still asleep in the bed.
Grabbing the rest of his clothes, he quickly dressed. Sitting down at the desk he wrote a note.
I can no longer live a life of a maybe. And I can't pretend anymore. Please don't call me again. Scott
Folding the note, he placed it on the stack of hundred dollar bills. Walking over to the bed, he kissed the man on the cheek softly. Without looking back, he walked out of the hotel with a smile on his face. The life he put on hold two years ago for a maybe had finally started again. Time stood still no longer. He was free.
The man was awake when Scott kissed him softly on the cheek. He lay there in silence till Scott left. Knowing Scott left without the money, he got up and read the note. With a longing of regret, he looked at the picture beside the bed. He wondered if he could ever stop pretending. For the millionth time he wondered what Greg was doing. For the millionth time, Justin Timberlake wished he were someone else. But that wish never came true. So he sat there in the dark, lost in a memory of times past, crying, waiting, alone.
Notes: As usual, I can be reached atWolfflyer26@Yahoo.com for questions or comments. All emails will be answered. Cheers.
Copyright©2002 Glacier Boy