Classification: RPS AU
Pairing: Jeff/Drew of 98 Degrees
Copyright: © 2002 Jasper Jeff
Author Notes: did i say the last chapter was the final installment? i believe i use the word "chapter". here's the official ending of the story. no, i wrote the last two chapters and this epilogue together. it's not forced by readers' demand. please also note that this story is under a different name "Second Chance" on my website.
Summary: It's been two years. It's time for a new beginning.
The lift reached my floor, I let Gordon lead the way.
"Apartment D on the right down the corridor," I told him.
It had been freaking two years since I left New York to come home to Cincinatti. I told myself that it was time to move on.
Then Gordon came along. He was a very down-to-earth kind of guy I met through some old high school friends. We went on a few dates and I invited him back to my place after dinner this night. I was ready to move forward in this new relationship.
At least I thought I was ready.
Noticing my shoelace was loosened, I knelt down to fasten it. Then I laughed at myself for getting nervous about being with Gordon. Shoes were going to be off anyway when we got in the apartment. There really was no particular reason that I should care about a loose shoelace when there was only less than twenty feet away from my place. It really had been a while since I was with anyone - especially in a normal gay relationship.
I turned at the end of the corridor and bumped into Gordon. He was still several feet from my door.
He turned sideway to look back at me when I said the first word. I swallowed back what I was about to say.
Jeff was sitting on the ground right in front of the door to my apartment. His left eye was all black and blue - like that he was punched a few days earlier.
Jeff looked weary. When he saw me appear from behind Gordon, he stood up.
"You know this guy?" Gordon asked.
"We've known each other for several years already," Jeff said before I could response.
"What're you doing here?" My voice came back to me. But it obviously wasn't a steady confident voice.
"I came to find you. Can we go inside and talk, please?" Jeff was asking me in a low voice - almost sounded like he was begging.
"Is this guy bothering you?" Gordon asked.
"No... Gordon, sorry about this. Can I call you tomorrow?"
I was weak. With Jeff coming to me all the way from New York, I really didn't have the heart to send him away. Even though it had already been two years.
"Okay. Call me tomorrow then. Or even tonight if you need me." I felt guilty about Gordon when he was being such a gentleman. There was no pressure from him at all.
Gordon gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek before starting for the lift. Jeff shot Gordon a glare of fury on his back as he was leaving.
I sighed and let us into my apartment.
"Is he your boyfriend?" Jeff asked the moment the door closed.
"Yes, we're dating."
"I don't like him. Especially how he kissed you."
"Who do you think you are? You came uninvited and commented shamelessly on my date. Since when do you have the right to rule my life?"
My temper rose. I shouldn't be mad... Not after all this time. "Breathe... Calm down..." I thought to myself.
"Why? 'Cause I love you! You left without a word and I spent two years looking for you."
Love me? What the fuck was he talking about?! We fucked the last time and he left without even a goodbye.
"Are you joking me? I left 'cause I want a simple life without you. You don't have to come looking for me. And frankly, I don't want you to."
My voice was nothing but calm. My breaths were short and shallow. How come I was still so pissed off? Did I still care about him?
Did I still love Jeff?
"There must've been some misunderstanding," Jeff started to pace in front of me. I sat down on the sofa trying to steady myself. He stopped pacing, looked at me with his intense blue eyes and asked. "Can you at least hear me out, please?"
I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak again. It might give out how much I still cared about this man. This was something I dared not to admit even to myself.
"I was thinking about what you said to me the day after the company's charity dinner, about me being straight or otherwise. I didn't have an answer for myself. Sex with you was great - the best I've ever had. And there was this connection between us. I knew you and you knew me. There was also a comfortable ease when we were together. With girls, it always has been rather pretentious, even with Jamie."
Jeff came over from where he was standing and sat on the coffee table facing me.
"But I've never thought about guys. It was wrong to think about men that way - at least I was brought up with such belief. But my feelings were so strong for you. My heart stopped the moment you told me to get out of your apartment. It was all too confusing for me."
"I was doing a lot of thinking that following week. I tried so hard to figure out what exactly my feelings for you meant. I couldn't find any answer for myself. Then I wondered what it would be like to be your lover - a real lover and not just two people having sex. Sexuality was becoming too complicated a thing for me to consider. If it felt good, it would be the right thing to do. It would be the only thing I needed to know to be with you."
"So I came to find you that friday. It was nothing like I had expected. I felt at home being with you. Never would I want to be with anyone else after that night. Everything felt so right and I didn't care about other things anymore. I told you I loved you while we were on your bed making love. Perhaps you had missed that."
"The next morning, I woke up early. I knew I wanted to have you in my life. Permanently. And before there could be an 'us', I needed to break up with Jamie first. So, I wrote a note to you, stuck it on the fridge and left to end it with Jamie."
"Because of me?" I asked before realizing it.
"Yeah, because of you. And when I got back in the evening, you were already gone. I waited outside your apartment the whole following day but you never came back. Monday, I found out you quit your job."
Jeff said it in a very calm manner, like he was telling the story of somebody else. However, it was clear in his eyes that he had been suffering these two years. Figuring out that he wanted a guy in his life after being straight for twenty-six years couldn't be an easy experience to cope with.
In a matter of minutes, my love for him, which I was trying so hard to let go, came back to me full force.
"These two years was a hell to me. I was jerking off every night thinking of you. Missing all the good times we spent together," Jeff said looking deep into my eyes. "You know, your brother sure can throw some good punches. But thanks to him, I finally got your address."
Jeff went to Nick... Nick hit him but gave him my address. Why didn't Nick tell me about it?!
I tried to ask him something but he put his fingers on my lips to stop me. He went down on his knees in front of me.
"Can I have a second chance with you to make things right?"
I didn't answer him in words. I leaned down and kissed him.
The kiss was my answer.
- = < The End > = -
From the author:
Yeah, I'm an attention-sucker. Write to me with your comments and ideas!
Copyright © by Jasper Jeff