Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 19:01:20 EST From: WiteLiteLeo@aol.com Subject: Dealing Part4 Wow. Part 4. I am moving on p huh? lol So, I want to thank everyone for their e-mails. I appreciate it a lot. And, I hope you all keep in mind the boy band awards coming soon. Be sure to go and vote for your stories after the authors have nominated them. And I hope all the authors are making sure to nominate people, or who are we going to vote for? Lol Also, I told myself I wasn't going to do this, but since I have been reading some new stories, and I have already done it with JM's story, I will go ahead. I want to recommend, of course, JM's story, Brian and Justin, also, this new story Studio in the Country. They are both really good. Also, Escape and Chances they kinda run together, they are really good. There are many more I am sure, and I haven't gotten a chance to read yet, but those are the ones I really keep checking for. And, as usual, all that legal stuff. it still hasn't changed. Now, on with the story. Dealing Part 4 By Me, CJ `Well, that was no help. But did I really expect it too? No. I guess I just wasn't tired. But now, what? I am going back and yet, I am still not tired. Oh well, I need to stop thinking about all this so much. Who'd of guessed I thought too much.' AJ couldn't help but think too much. He had a lot to think about. Justin had only made him more confused. He didn't think he liked Justin, even though he wouldn't doubt it either, but there was something there. Maybe he was just on the rebound. He had just lost the love of his life. That would make anyone a little disoriented in what they felt. But would it make him doubt his love? As he walked to the door, at least it could answer that with a no. "Oh, Kevin. What are you doing?" AJ sighed heavily as he sat down leaning against his door. He was right next to a lightly snoring Kevin, who had given up on knocking, and decided to just wait it out. The wait was just longer than he had expected. AJ looked at his watch. `How long had he been there?' AJ wondered as he saw 1:47 blink at him. He had left about 11 so Kevin could have been there for almost three hours. AJ wasn't sure what he felt. He was disappointed that Kevin was making this so hard, but felt love that he would make it hard too. He was torn. AJ stood up, and opened his door slightly. He didn't want to wake Kevin, because then they would have to talk, but he couldn't leave Kevin in the hall. He went in, and turned down the bed, making it ready. He then went back in, slowly scooping up his lost lover in his arms. He missed the feel of Kevin next to him. If they were to be apart, he knew he would have to deal with that feeling being gone. The thought was not a pleasant one. He walked over and placed the still sleeping Kevin into bed, removing only his shirt. "You know I love you. No matter what happens that will never change. But we can't make this hard. Even if we do get back together now, and break up down the road later on." AJ stopped, in too much pain of the present break up, not wanting to think of another. "Just don't forget that I love you. I always will." AJ bent down and kissed Kevin on the lips slightly. Kevin moaned quietly as he turned to his side. AJ knew he must have been tired. When AJ stood again, he was presented with a dilemma he hadn't thought about. Where was he to sleep? He couldn't very well sleep with Kevin... they were not together. Well, officially anyway. And he didn't want the couch, because he didn't really want to wake up with Kevin. That would be painful for both of them. AJ was fairly certain that they wouldn't get back together. Kevin couldn't change, and AJ wasn't so sure he wanted him to. He had fallen in love with the Kevin that slept below him. He would be a different person if AJ made him do something he didn't want. He would be trying to change someone he fell in love with. And what if he could only fall for what he did the first time? AJ stood not sure what to do. Surprisingly, the sound reassuring him was that of a TV. AJ walked over to the door to his left, the door that connected his room to the one beside him. The door connecting him to Justin. He knocked lightly not sure what to expect. Justin had gone to bed when he left, and it was 2 o'clock in the morning. Why would he wake up to watch TV? "Yeah." Justin asked as he opened the door and turned around before ever seeing who it was. But who else would it be? "Isn't it a little late for you to be up? But at least you finally showed up. Kevin has been looking for you. I don't know if he still is. I told him I didn't know where you went, and then he left. He came back around 12:30 and knocked a couple of times. I think he might have given up." Justin's speech was a little slow, and he was yawning in between, but AJ could tell something else was wrong besides lack of sleep. "Well, hello to you too." AJ was not sure if Justin was being rude, or just tired. He came off as a little of both. "Well, I have taken care of Kevin. He is fine. Question is, are you? Don't you have a bedtime? You are only 18 after all." AJ went over and sat next to Justin on his couch. The TV was still playing, an interesting little infomercial graced the screen, but it was obvious it was just a distraction. "Hey, I will be 19 in three more days buddy." Justin held up two fingers as he expressed the days. If AJ could smell the alcohol, or didn't know that these rooms didn't have wet bars, AJ would have guessed Justin was drunk. But since he smelt nothing, and was well aware of the bar status, he could only dismiss the actions of the younger boy to sleep deprivation. "Justin, maybe you should go to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow. OK?" AJ started to help Justin to bed, not knowing who was better to stay with, a former lover in his bed, or a delusional friend who he couldn't explain feelings for. `How do I get myself into these things?' AJ asked as himself covering Justin up. Justin didn't put up too much of a fight. "But. I can't sleep. I have been having trouble. Besides, you came knocking on my door. What's up? I wanna help if I can." Justin's attitude changed as he sat up to look in AJ's eyes. "Talk to me." Justin was sincere, and not willing to allow himself to sleep. AJ wondered why anyone would deny sleep like Justin had apparently been doing for a couple of days. He was doing it now. AJ was beginning to think his feelings for Justin that he couldn't explain might be worry and, maybe a little pity, more so than anything else. But he did feel drawn to this young man that expressed care to help, and he knew he wanted at least a friendship. "It's a long story. We can talk about it tomorrow when we go shopping. We are still on right?" AJ lightly pushed Justin back down on the bed, and pulled up the covers for him. Justin nodded in response to the question imposed. "AJ, can you stay with me? Just until I get to sleep. I am so tired, but if I go to sleep." Justin was interrupted by a yawn, and AJ's nods. "Shhh. Just lay down." Justin did as he was told and felt AJ prop his head against the wall behind the bed. AJ's feet popped up on the bed, and he sat next to Justin as he tried to sleep. Justin snuggled next to his newfound friend, and couldn't help but letting his hand find AJ's. He slowly let it rest there, half of him wanting to know what AJ's response would be, the other half too tired to even realize what he was doing. AJ looked down and to his own surprise didn't pull away. He took his other hand and wrapped it around Justin, pulling him closer. AJ had managed to scoot down and his head now rested on a pillow, as Justin rested on him. "You know." Justin yawned heavily, clearly already half-asleep. "I love you." AJ's face went white, and his eyes were forced open. He couldn't believe what Justin had just said. But they barely knew each other? And AJ still wasn't clear how he felt about Justin. Was he supposed to feel the same? Did he? No, he loved Kevin. And now that Justin had said that, he was sure he wanted to be with Kevin. Even though their fate was still undecided. He couldn't believe himself for ever thinking different. But what about Justin? He was in love. `What am I supposed to say when.' AJ's train of thought came to a crash as Justin finished his little speech. "Good night Brian." AJ looked down as Justin let loose the name he was thinking AJ was. The name he wanted AJ to be. `Does he mean our Brian?' "Come on Chris. Get up. I am tired of you always lazing around! Let's go!" Joey's voice boomed, a little too loudly for the half asleep Chris. "C'mon man. We didn't even get home until." Chris tried to remember, but he had had a little too much to drink last night, just trying to have a good time. He wasn't sure what time they had gotten back, or even left for that matter. "Oh hush, we got back at a quarter till midnight. We have stayed out later. I tried to tell you to slow down." Joey began walking out of Chris's room as he went to go cook something for breakfast. Chris got up; long ago realizing Joey was a morning person, intent on making everyone else one with him. "So, what are we doing today? I think we were all to tired to make up our minds last night?" Chris said a little brighter as he walked in the kitchen. "I am not sure. What ever it is, we need to get Curly in on it. And Kevin, AJ, and Brian. I can't believe they all backed out. What did Justin say when you called him last night?" Joey broke a few eggs as he talked to his friend, concerned about Justin as well. The whole group was starting to become aware of a problem. And if things didn't change, they would also notice a problem in the BSB group as well. "He said he was tired, and not feeling well. I dunno how much of it was true." Chris was finally letting his fears be known. "What do you mean?" Joey sat sitting a plate in front of Chris. "Well, ever since I picked Justin up from that airport there has been something wrong. He was running away from something when he left SF, and I think he is still running." "Wait, San Francisco? I thought he was going to LA?" Joey had finished his plate as well and joined Chris at the table. Chris continued to fill Joey in, letting him know everything he knew, and thoughts that he hoped would help Justin. "I told him yesterday, that today he has to do something with someone. I didn't want him alone and in some hotel room. I am going to call him a little later to see what he wants to do with us." "He is not staying with his mom. I know she was worried when he didn't come home for Christmas. And JC wasn't too happy at Christmas either. Justin is her son, and JC might as well be, I am sure she is going crazy." They both nodded in agreement. "I hope the tour isn't going to be like this." The both smiled, again nodding in agreement. "Yeah, hey Jason. Hope I didn't wake you?" Brian tried to sound cheerful, but it was 8 in the morning, and he was up when he didn't have to work. He was also worried that Kevin never came home last night. "No, I am always up before dawn with you guys. You keep me on my toes. What can I do for you?" Jason said too happy. "Well, I was just wondering if Kevin talked to you last night. He left here around 11 and I haven't heard from him since. I talked to the other guys, and they haven't seen him either." Jason was kinda worried about things. No one knew what everyone else was doing or where they were going. He had expected there to be no secrets in groups like these, but he had already been in between quite a few. "Yeah, he called me looking for AJ. I told him where he was staying and he hung up. He said he had to talk to AJ, and it was really important. That was the last I heard of him. I don't know if he ever got to AJ, but you can call him if you want." "Why wouldn't he get a hold of AJ?" Brian asked wondering about two of his friends now. He also was wondering why Kevin went to AJ. When he left, Kevin had said he was going to take his own advice. His advice had been about love. How did that involve AJ? It would only involve AJ if. "Well, Justin's room was right next to his, and he has been sick. I asked AJ to check up on him every once in awhile. He might have been asleep, or stayed over with Justin. I dunno. I haven't heard from either one this morning though, so, You might wanna try over there. AJ and Justin were staying at the Marriott." Jason filled Brian in with the phone numbers and room numbers and said his good byes. They only had two full days left and he knew that at the end of the second one, they were all having a meeting. He had to know what was going on, and he felt the rest of the guys would like to know too. He had already had to many calls looking for people, or setting up things without anyone else apparently knowing. "Hello, you have reached the voice mail for room 987, the guest you have requested may have left the room, or is currently unavailable. If you would like to leave a message, please.." Brian gave up on his third call to AJ's room. He would have to go over there he knew. He was worried about Kevin, and confused about how AJ was fitting into it. He was a little nervous that he might run into Justin, him being only next door, but they were going to be on tour together. They would have to learn to be at least civil towards on another. `Civil?' Brian thought as he headed down I-4. `How did we go from in love to having to try and be civil? Did we mess up so bad? Did I? No, there is something else. Something happened to Justin? He wasn't the same. And I really don't think it was all because of me and what happened? Like Justin said, I just added to a big pile. I just wished I could help him. I would give anything to just be his friend. But as far as I know that is impossible. JC was his best friend and that didn't work out, and I screwed up with him. All his friends seem to be messing it up for him. Or he is messing it up for us. I hate to blame him though. He is so young, and confused as the rest of us. Maybe if I try to talk to him, I mean Jason said he was sick. That whole thing in the office could have been medicine talking or something. Yeah. All I know is that something has got to change. This tour won't work if it doesn't.' Brian thoughts were reassured as he pulled into the underground parking lot of the Marriott. In all the time he had been in Orlando he had never been to a hotel. He had people to stay with and he refused to give that up for the confined spaces of a hotel room, no matter how nice it was. Yet, here he was, going to one of the nicest hotels in Orlando, but at least it wasn't for him. At least this wasn't for a room. He was there to get some answers though. And his little soul searching in his car on the way there had only given him more questions for both AJ and Kevin, and Justin. "AJ, are you in there? Hello? Hey come on! It's me, Brian. Open up!" Brian made no effort to keep down as Kevin had tried to do last night; he just wanted to find someone. The floor he now stood on reminded him too much of the tour ahead. They had barely ended their Millenium tour, and now they were off on another one with 5 other acts. At least their floors wouldn't be as empty as the one he stood on now. This is what he remembered of the all their tours. Not the actual floors they had stayed on, but the loneliness of each one. Brian finally decided to stop knocking and just try the door. If no one was answering he was going to make sure there was no one there. He hadn't come all this way to turn around and go home. The room was dark, and no noise could be heard. It was almost as if time had stop. Brian saw no movement, heard no sounds, and was barely able to make out a figure in the bed. The curtains were heavy and dark, but light was breaking through the middle of them. Brian walked over to the bed and sat down next to the figure. "AJ! Hey man. Wake up." Brian shook the figure heavily, figuring if a knock didn't wake him up, a light shove wouldn't either. "Stop. What, what is it?" A voice answered back to Brian, but not the voice Brian was expecting. "Kevin!? Is that you? What are you doing here? Why are you in AJ's room?" Brian's mind couldn't help but draw conclusions. Even if had never thought of the possibility before, what else could he think now? "Kevin, I think we need to talk." Brian said walking over to the door and turning on all the lights in the room. He was somewhat relieved to find Kevin alone in the bed, with only his shirt off. He wasn't quite sure how he would feel if his thoughts turned to be true. Kevin and AJ together would be different. It would be something he had never expected. But was it true? "Brian, what are you doing here? Where is AJ? What time is it?" Kevin had woken up in confusion. Kevin never liked being confused. Perhaps that was one of the reasons he always took over things in the group, so he would always know everything. "I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?" Brian asked crossing his arms and sitting in the chair next to the bed. "Well?" Justin lay where he had all night. He was now awake, but still he didn't move. He felt safe for the first time in a long time. Long before everything recent started to happen. AJ's arms still held him close, wrapping around him, protecting him from anything. Justin's head went up and down, keeping in rhythm with AJ's slow breathing. He didn't want to move. He felt he belonged right there. `Do I really want to be here? I mean, I like AJ a lot, and he made me feel so good last night. He makes me feel so good right now. JC never made me feel this way. Brian never did. No one ever has. But is that love? If I have to ask, I guess not. Why couldn't I ever fall for someone like him? I couldn't I fall for AJ?' As Justin asked these questions thoughts of JC and Brian twirled in his head. `JC is my best friend. Or at least he was my best friend. And Brian is. Brian is special. I don't know what to say about him. If I have ever been in love, it was with him. But it is not now. Or maybe it is, but different somehow. I wished I hadn't walked out on him. He wanted me to leave though. But I shouldn't have. Not if I loved him. And I did. I might still. I dunno. I do know I should have stayed. But what about now? Should I stay?' Justin's mind was made up as he sat up, forcing himself out of the arms he had just felt so safe in. AJ stirred a little, but didn't wake up. "I guess that's good. At least one of us can sleep." Justin was thankful for AJ. He had known him for two days now, but he would tell anyone they were best friends. He could tell AJ felt the same way. And AJ did help him sleep, forget about everything for awhile, and just be his friend. He needed that. As he yawned he knew he needed a shower too. He climbed out of bed, leaving AJ wrapped in blankets, still sleeping. He looked over AJ once before heading to the bathroom. `Just friends.' Justin said to himself, half a decision, and half a reassurance, but not as a question. He was already in love, at least he thought, he had to see that through before going on. "You know, I am glad you stayed last night. I can't believe no one made a big deal out of it." A young voice came through Nick's ear, as he lay awake on the couch he had called bed last night. "Well, I just stayed on the couch. It's not like we were doing anything. I am glad your mom said it was OK. I really like her." Nick wrapped his arm around Mandy, pulling her next to him on the couch. "You know though, I really love you." Nick's voice went serious, and Mandy just stared at him. "Are you sure? I mean, you could have pretty much any woman you wanted. I don't want you to feel stuck with a kid." Mandy's voice was a little scared. This was like a dream. It was most 16-year-olds dreams. She wanted to make sure it was all real. "Mandy, listen, if I ever felt like I was stuck, I wouldn't be here. I would be off with `pretty much any woman,' but I am not, I am here. This is where I want to be. But only if that is what you want? And if you have doubts, than it is obviously not what you want." Mandy smiled at Nick's answer. She was young, and they say love comes too easily to the young, but so what. She found love easy. That doesn't mean it is bad, that it won't work. It just means that she will have more time to be with her loved one, and she knew that was Nick. "I am sorry. This is just... surreal. But I don't doubt us. And I love you." She leaned in and kissed Nick, knowing that this was what they both wanted. "All right, let's call up everyone, see what little get together they have for us today." They both got up, kissing sweetly every once in a while. "This isn't what I want any more. I don't really know how much I wanted it to begin with." JC was near the verge of tears, talking only to himself. He sat in the middle of the food court of the Florida Mall, but held no shopping bags. He had gone there in hopes of finding a birthday present for Joey and Justin, but he couldn't. He had been tired, not sleeping much in the cheap motel he found, and his relationships with the guys had left him wondering if he could get anyone anything. His status with Justin had never been more unclear after their run in at the office, and the rest of the guys were just. something else. Something was up with Lance, the one he could run to if ever Justin had not been there, and he didn't know what. He had been to occupied with his own life to try too much, which made him more made at himself than before. Joey and Chris were still they same people they had been when they started the group, which bothered JC for some unknown reason. `Why do they get to stay the same? Why.' He hated the thought as it entered his head. What kind of a friend wishes his friends lives were as screwed up as his. He eventually got up, in search for birthday presents one more time. As he stood his cell phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket, upset that he had even brought it. "Yeah." It came out a little harsh, but he didn't care. What was he to lose one less friend? "Happy much?" Chris said sarcastically into the phone. "What's up man?" "Hey Chris. Not much, just looking around. What do you need?" JC had never been, get to the point already, but Chris had already come to terms that things had changed between all of them some how. He was just on a mission to get them all back. "Well, we were all planning together around 3 or 4 this afternoon." Chris was already to say what he needed next, knowing JC was going to try and get out of it. "Chris. I am not really in the." "I don't care. You are coming. It's not up to you. Everyone will be there. All of us, and all the BSB. We already talked to Howie and he is getting everyone together. We decided, since nobody wanted all of us in their house, we are going to meet up at Justin's hotel room. Him and AJ both got rooms next to each other so, there should be plenty of space." Chris filled in JC with all the knowledge he had gotten from Howie and Jason. "Listen, I know something is wrong, and if you don't want to talk about it, I can respect that. I thought we were all tight enough for there to be no secrets, but since you are not the only one, I guess I was wrong. But that doesn't matter. Do you remember our first tour? We can not do this tour with 6 acts just like that. We have to have some kind of common ground. Amanda from Innosense is coming; Britney, Christina, and Mandy will be there. Just come on." Chris had been blunt. JC could not help but feel bad. He didn't want to be the one that made Chris doubt the friendship of the group. That was the only thing that made JC agree. "OK, OK. Who else do you have to call?" JC wanted to help. He knew that might help smooth things over for the bombshell he was intending to drop on the guys soon. "Well, Howie is getting the BSB together. AJ's supposed to talk to Amanda, Nick is bringing Mandy, and Britney and Christina already knew about the whole thing. I just have to get a hold of Lance and Justin. Wanna take one?" Chris said feeling bad about what he had sad. It was the truth but that didn't make it hurt any less. Only more. "Yeah, I will get a hold of Lance. You can talk to Justin. I'll tell Lance 3?" JC said making sure he would get it right. If he was going to suffer with everyone, so would Lance. He felt he needed to talk to Lance anyway. Chris and JC said their good-byes and JC finished his walk through the mall. He found Joey some superman things, and some CDs he had wanted. He found nothing for Justin, and decided it would be best if he didn't. He didn't want to be a burden on Justin, and that would fall under the `don't remind me of JC' category. "Yeah, Scoop. Long time no talk huh?" JC seemed in a lot better mood than Lance had been told of. Lance wasn't sure what to say to JC. He had many mixed feelings when it came to JC, especially after recent events. "Yeah, it has been really busy. I have had to do so many things and I just haven't had a chance to." Lance was ready to dish out excuses, not wanting to give JC the wrong idea, but was stopped. "Lance, it's OK. I understand. I guess I even expected it. I'm just sorry it happened." JC's voice fell when he said that. This wasn't why he called, and this wasn't what he wanted right now. He was trying to get in their good graces, and bringing up the past wasn't the way to it. "No, it's not that. I really have been busy. It's not that I am trying to not.." "Listen, I just called to tell you we are all meeting up at the Marriott around 3. It's suite 986. Everyone is going to be there. They are trying the whole, `we need to be friends so we don't kill each other thing' before the tour starts. Some of the openers are going to be there and the BSB too. You and Justin were just the last ones to get called." Lance sighed, as he was glad they didn't need to discuss anything right now. But he knew as well as JC they did need to talk. The last thing Lance wanted to do was push JC away. Not only did he consider JC his best friend, but also after the pain he knew JC was going through, he just wanted to be there. He just felt things were. weird. "That's cool. I will be there. You are going right?" "Yeah, Chris made that abundantly clear." JC tried to make it sound funny, but he still didn't really feel like going. And now that he would have to interact with Justin, Brian, and Lance, he knew this wasn't going to be fun. Justin was the one he loved, Brian was the one he had to beat, and Lance was the first person besides Justin he told he was gay, and he had obviously been trying to stay away. "Well, hey. Where are you at?" Lance asked wanting to get back a friendship he thought he had lost. "Umm. I am at the mall now. I was going to leave in a sec. Why?" "Listen, I am about to leave the offices, why don't you hang out for a little while longer and I will join you. I still have to pick up something for Justin's birthday. Then we can ride to the hotel together. Deal?" JC could tell Lance was trying to make him feel better, and he was glad. He really didn't want to lose Lance. "Deal Scoop. I will meet you in Parisian. Right?" "You got it!" Lance had a smile plastered across his friend. He was glad that he had gotten JC to open up. They both needed a friend right now. Lance had always been the shy one, and going with 5 other groups was going to make him fell left out. They both knew it. "Kevin, is there something you want to talk about?" Brian tried to sound comforting; knowing how difficult this would be for Kevin if it turned out to be true. The more Brian thought about it though, the less likely it seemed to be. Kevin had grown up just like Brian, with a very important religious background. Granted it didn't make much difference for Brian, it wouldn't have failed twice. And there was no way AJ was gay. He was always taking about women. And him and Amanda were like married already. "Brian, listen, I guess I just feel asleep over here. I don't know what the big deal is." Brian watched him get out of the bed and look for his shirt. "The big deal! Kevin, I love you. I always have and I always will. No matter what. No matter what you choose, or say, or do. You are my family, and no matter what, you will always be. And you know you can tell me anything." Bring gay himself, Brian had already gone through the coming out run throughs. They were never pretty. So, when he was confronting it with Kevin, either getting him to rest his fears, or come out to him, he tried to make it as easy as he wanted it to be for him. "Brian, are you crazy or something. What are you talking about?" Kevin may have sounded come but his thoughts betrayed him. `Did he know? He sounds like he knows. I should tell him. He will have to know anyway. I was going to tell everyone anyway. Just as soon as AJ and I get back together. I should start now.' "I am just saying that I am here. Last night you took off, saying to take your own love advice you had given me, and then you come to AJ's. I just want to be here for you if you need me." Brian went over to Kevin and sat in front of him. Kevin fell back in the chair behind him and just looked at Brian. "So, I am gay. I guess you knew that already." Kevin's eyes never found Brian's. He wouldn't let them. He just waited for Brian to say something. "And AJ?" Brian would be there for Kevin. It was not like he would hate gay people. He didn't feel like he should come out to Kevin then though. This was Kevin's moment, and Brian wasn't going to change that. "I love AJ. I have for a long time. I finally told him about a year ago. We have been together ever since. Well, up until two days ago. Still wanna know more?" Kevin eye's finally turned to Brian. They were wet, but Kevin would never let a tear fall. Not in front of the people who looked to him for help. "Kevin, I told you I loved you. That I would always be there for you. I wanna know everything." Brian walked over and hugged Kevin. AJ finally woke up to a strange room. He wasn't that surprised though. He was used to it. They were in strange rooms all the time. The only thing that was different now was he heard the shower running. He sat up quickly and looked around. He knew immediately where he was, and he remembered the events of last night. He stood up and was relieved to find all his clothes on. He knew what happened last night, but he also knew what he had to debate last night. "Oh, hey. I was just getting some." Justin stood in front of an open door with light and steam pouring into the dark room. He was looking somewhat better, AJ had to admit. He had slept well last night, and his face expressed that greatly. AJ had ended up making three more bowls of his homemade soup for Justin, which he ate all of them happily. He was no longer smiling like he had last night though. He seemed scared and nervous. And AJ wasn't sure if Justin even remembered calling Brian's last name, but knew this wasn't the time to bring it up. "It's cool. I just got up. I should probably go and check on Kevin. I left him in my room last night. I guess that is why I came here." AJ knew he shouldn't have said that but it was too late. Justin was too embarrassed to press it though. He hated last night for the simple reason of how he fell asleep. He could feel awkwardness now between himself and AJ. Last night he had considered himself lucky to find AJ, someone who could bring some kind of stability to his life, but he had screwed this up again. "Yeah, I guess it would be best." Justin turned to his suitcase gathering his clothes. He wouldn't let AJ see him cry. "Justin, is everything." Justin turned to AJ, avoiding his eyes. AJ could tell Justin felt uneasiness. He too felt it. He didn't want to lose Justin though. He had decided last night, what he should have known already, that he loved Kevin. But he still wanted Justin to be apart of his life. He had enjoyed last night and he knew Justin had too. They were what the other needed. Maybe not romantically, but they were there for each other. "Justin, are we still going shopping today?" AJ asked chipper, trying to cover the regret he kinda felt at the thought of losing a friend. Justin looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, if you want." AJ smiled back. "Yeah, I want. Well, I'll let you get dressed, and I will go over and deal with Kevin." Justin looked at him, wondering what was up with AJ and Kevin, but he would ask later. He would wait until AJ felt he needed to know. "And AJ?" Brian's words were the first thing he heard as he opened the door quietly. He wasn't sure if Kevin was still asleep or not when he went into the room, but once he heard talking he stopped to listen. He had already seen Brian, and Brian had seen him, but he let Kevin continue, hoping that this would help whatever seemed to hinder the two. "I love AJ. I have for a long time. I finally told him about a year ago. We have been together ever since. Well, up until two days ago. Still wanna know more?" Kevin's words were all that AJ heard. He couldn't believe he had heard them. He saw Brian get up and hug him, but he was still too happy. Kevin had been worried about his cousin, not knowing how things would be with they way they were raised. AJ had to admit he too wasn't sure how Brian would react. He was glad to see things were OK. He couldn't help but wonder if Brian's reaction had anything to do with Justin's unknown confession last night. It didn't matter right then though. Kevin had taken the first step by himself. AJ would be there for the rest of them. He would make sure about that. "I think we can tell him about it later. Now is not really the time." AJ said smiling as he came out from behind the doorway. Brian couldn't help but smile and Kevin's face fell greatly. "AJ, how long have you been." AJ looked at him and sighed. "What have I told you about calling me that. My name is Alex." Kevin smiled and ran over to AJ. He couldn't help but picking AJ and hugging him. He had lost something very important to him, and he knew he would never lost it again. He wouldn't allow himself to. He slowly leaned in and kissed again. It wasn't lustful and passionate, and it wasn't a sweet peck exchanged between lovebirds. It was one of those `knock your socks off, out of the ballpark, this is for real and this is forever' kisses. Brian smiled at seeing two of his best friends happy, but couldn't help but feel hurt when he gazed past them, through the door, to see Justin. He simply stood, letting Brian know he saw him, but then turning his gaze to Kevin and AJ. Kevin finally ended the kiss and placed AJ down on the floor, and turned red as he saw Brian just watching them. He noticed Brian's gaze falter past them and he turned to see what he was staring at. AJ's followed Kevin's, both sets stopping on Justin. "Umm. Justin. This umm." Kevin tried to explain but Justin stopped him. "It's OK. I kinda guessed already." Kevin looked at him but AJ just smiled. He ran to Justin and hugged him. "I was going to tell you, but." AJ was smiling as he was already treating Justin like his best friend, and how he had tried to get past last night with the hug. He knew he didn't want anything weird between them. He honestly didn't think there would be anymore. He had Kevin back, and if he was correct, Justin had his own crush. "You don't owe me an explanation. Like I said, I figured last night when." They both nodded. Kevin and Brian just looked by with curiosity about what had happened between these two people who had just met. "So, you don't care about this right?" AJ asked pretty sure of the answer. Justin smiled. "No, I am happy for you. You do know you are going to have to tell me the whole story though." They both laughed and Justin looked at Kevin. "We just always have interesting meeting habits don't we?" He went over to say hey to Kevin again, amazed at what had just gone on. He had lied when he had said he had guessed this. He had guessed AJ's sexuality, but he chalked that up to wishful thinking at the time, but he never would have guessed AJ and Kevin, together. Not even when Kevin had shown up looking for AJ had he thought that. "Well, Brian was asking for the story too, so we can just add to more to our shopping adventure and fill you in." AJ laughed walking back over to Kevin. "What shopping adventure might we be attending?" Kevin smiled knowing he would have gone anywhere AJ had asked. "You know, you might just have to make it you three. I. guess I am not feeling as well as I thought I was. I am not really in the mood to go shopping." Justin had forgotten about Brian, and after seeing Kevin and AJ together, didn't really want to be with them and Brian. That would be a little much. AJ looked at Justin with shock. "But you just said. and last night you really wanted to go? What's wrong?" AJ's question was interrupted by his phone ringing. "I guess I'll get that." Brian said from behind. He already knew why Justin was running away from the trip. AJ said he would be there. Justin wouldn't want that now. He was sad to think that Justin would never want that again. AJ looked at Kevin and Kevin nodded. "I'll go, order breakfast or something. I am kinda hungry" Kevin walked back into AJ's room and waited behind Brian to use the phone. AJ walked over to Justin. "Listen, you know, I don't know why, but you are like one of my best friends. I have known you a day." Justin held up two fingers, letting him know they were on their second day together. AJ couldn't help but smile. `At least he got the right amount of fingers up today.' AJ thought of Justin last night. "OK, two days, but I still think of you as one of my best friends. Actually, my best friend as of late." Justin smiled, as he was glad to know he wasn't the only one feeling that way to a `stranger.' "I know what you mean." "Then I can be blunt about this and not beat around the bush when I ask you this. I was going to wait, and thought maybe it was none of my business, but you know we best friends right?" Justin nodded, more so to the question he knew was coming more than the one just asked. AJ looked at him. Justin looked down and AJ had to rethink what he was going to say. `I shouldn't do this. Not here. Not with all that has happened already. For him and me.' AJ decided that his question of Justin and Brian would have to wait. "I guess, it will just be the three of us. Who am I to force someone to do something they don't wanna? That is how I lost the one person I love, that's not how I will lose my best friend." AJ shrugged and Justin looked confused but said nothing. `Lost Kevin, they looked together to me?' Justin thought but still said nothing. "Thank you. It's.." It was AJ's turn to nod now. "Long story? Believe me. I know." They both smiled, trying to forget the moment, and even the latter of last night. Neither one really wanted to rehash the fact they doubted their love for the ones they did love, but they both knew it had happened. But maybe that is why they were such good friends in such a short time? They had thought they felt something for each other, so they got a lot closer a lot faster than most people did. Brian came walking back in, not knowing if he should. This was Justin's room, and he was probably not the most welcomed guest. "It looks like the shopping adventure is on halt for us all. That was Howie. All the guys will be here around 3." AJ turned to look at him. "Excuse me?" "Yeah, umm, the guys thought we should spend time together and all. Everyone included. You are supposed to call Amanda to get her to come, all the `Nsync guys have been told." He saw Justin shake his head, letting everyone know he didn't know. "At least everyone but Justin, but you have been here so..." Brian felt a little uneasy talking to Justin, it had been awhile since they talked about something else besides them together, or the lack there of. "Well, anyway. we are all going to be here, and some of the openers. It is kinda like a mandatory unofficial meeting." Kevin looked at AJ and then looked down. "You. we will talk later ok?" AJ said looking at Justin, whispering, but Kevin and Brian still heard. Justin nodded and looked at Brian. He had a feeling that Brian would be a subject of that talk. He couldn't help but want to talk to someone, especially someone who would understand like AJ, so he continued to nod. He then went to Kevin. "You know, just because we are all getting together. doesn't mean we have to tell them all today. We can still wait. I just wanted." Kevin nodded. "The same thing I want. I love you, and I don't care who knows it. We will have to be careful in public because of the rest of the guys, what affects us, affects them, but if it were just us, we could tell the world." AJ smiled. "If you guys don't mind we are going to get ready. I still have to take a shower while Kevin here makes the bed. You two will be Ok right?" AJ didn't want for an answer, telling himself that he was doing this for a friend, for Justin. "I like AJ and all, but sometimes." Brian said trying to break the silence. They say when there is a silence that isn't awkward, but just there, that there is acceptance, friendship, and love. But there was nothing but a feeling of awkwardness. "Tell me about it." Justin nodded while making his bed. "Here, let me help you." Brian said picking up the sheets and standing on the other side of the bed. Justin looked at him, not smiling, but. no with the same conviction that had surrounded him in the office that day. He had left such an impact that day, that Brian wondered how often he was like that. He never saw it the two weeks they were together, but it came too easily for Justin for it to be a one-time thing. At least, that was how it seemed to Brian. When they finished they both wound up on the couch, in silence. The TV remained off, and there was no sound between the two. "You know, I am sorry." Justin's voice was barely above a whisper but Brian heard it clearly. He didn't know how to respond so he just turned to look at Justin. He had said what he thought would help in that office, and Justin wasn't ready. Now that he was, or seemed to be, it was up to him. "I didn't mean for things to happen like they did. And I am not just talking about that day in the office, but with everything. I guess. you surprised me, and I surprised myself. That is not an excuse, just a reason I guess. But I am sorry." Brian scooted over to Justin, so they were no more than a foot apart. "And what does that mean?" Brian wanted to say what does that mean for us, but the last thing he wanted to do was push. He just. wanted to be there. He wanted to be a friend. He was jealous of the thing Justin seemed to have with AJ. It started just like he and Justin had started, and he didn't want it to end like that. "What do you want it to mean?" "Doesn't matter. This is up to you. You have to know your answer before anyone else's ever matters. What do you want this to mean?" Brian didn't know how to answer the question. He didn't know want he wanted. It would have been easy if he wanted to get back with Justin, but he still wasn't sure what that would be like. His two-hour experience wasn't enough for him to know he wanted that again. He couldn't deny he harbored feelings for Justin, but Justin was the first gay guy that came on to him. `It's like, I didn't know I was gay and so I was able to fall in love with you, it's like a loved you and thought, oh I'm gay.' The words echoed through his head. He agreed with them now just like the first time that he had heard them. If that was true, then it wouldn't have mattered how many had come on to him before Justin, because Justin would have been the only one that counted. "I dunno. I mean, you and me. that's real. It is to me anyway. And I can't say that I don't want it to be real like it was that night. But the way you acted then, and the way I acted the other day, I don't think it really matters to anyone right now." Justin had made good points, and Brian couldn't say that he didn't agree with them. But he still wanted more. They both did. "Well, I guess we are still both looking for whatever it was he started out looking for huh?" Brian said after a silence that seemed too long. Justin simply nodded. "Well, I agree with that. We both have acted in ways that doesn't say get back together." They both nodded this time. "You know, before that night, when we were together, we were pretty good friends. Just because we are still looking for the things we needed doesn't mean we can't still look for them together, like before. Does it?" He looked at Justin. "No, no I guess it doesn't." Justin couldn't help but smiled. Brian smiled with him, as he knew that they were at least friends and maybe that was all they ever would be. And maybe that was all they ever needed. By the time AJ and Kevin had showered and gotten ready and come back over to Justin's room they found Brian and Justin watching some stupid movie laughing, together. They both exchanged glances. They had already had their little talk about them being together again, but Justin and Brian had managed to get in the conversation. "So, what is up with Justin?" Kevin asked AJ once they had gotten everything else done. "I dunno. But whatever it is, it looks familiar." AJ said, letting Kevin know it was the same way with Brian before Brian had left. "I think Brian has a big deal to do with it to." AJ said letting Kevin in on his thoughts. The only other person he felt he could share his thoughts with was surprisingly Justin, but this was about him so that was out. "Why do you say that?" Kevin was hoping that AJ had something more than what he had. He only suspected Brian's involvement because of the coincidence of them both leaving and both taking road trips to SF. That might be all they were though, coincidences. "Well, last night, I stayed with Justin after I put you in here." He looked down and smiled at Kevin. "Which was cute of you to come by the way." He leaned down and kissed Kevin before going back to his story. "And as he was going to sleep he said `I love you Brian.'" AJ changed it around a little, not feeling the need to tell Kevin that he was confused last night, and that he thought those words might have been for him. And he might have returned them. Kevin sat straight up. "You're kidding." AJ shook his head. "Nope. And look at the way they are around each other, and Justin not wanting to go to the mall when I said we should bring you and Brian. There is something there." Kevin sighed, not thinking in any way Brian could be gay. He didn't really see it in Justin. "Well, I think that is because they spent the time they left New York, to at least New Year's Eve, together. They may have even gotten together, like in a couple, for part of that." Kevin looked at AJ knowing he would have to explain how he came up with all that. "Brian told me that he met a friend on the trip to LA, where is lay over was and where Justin was supposed to go and stay, and they started talking. He ended up missing his plane, going to SF with this friend and they fell asleep together one night." Kevin explained everything Brian had told him and what Justin had said when they met up last night. "So, does it bother you, Justin and Brian together?" AJ asked, seeing Kevin uncomfortable talking about this the whole time they had been. "No, it's just a little. unexpected." AJ looked at him and laughed. "Imagine it for him. He finds out his cousin is gay, dating one of his best friends, and all possibly at the same time as he is trying to deal with his own sexuality and the loss of a loved one. He must be going crazy." Kevin looked at him while thinking about it. "And we then proceeded to leave him alone with the loved one he lost?" Kevin and AJ stood, and started going back to Justin's room as soon as Kevin had said it. "So, did we miss anything?" AJ asked looking at Justin. He was starting to look like the Justin he was supposed to AJ thought. He had eaten and slept some, he wasn't `sick' anymore, at least he didn't look it, and now he was smiling and laughing. Justin looked at him, smiling to answer the question. They four of them stayed in the hotel room for the rest of the day. Justin finally got his call letting him know everyone was going to be there, a little late but it came. Chris was really glad Justin was sounding happier and told him they were coming around 3. Howie informed Brian they would be there around 3 too, along with Mandy, Britney, and Christina. AJ called Amanda not long after Justin got his call, talking with her for about an hour. He was so happy to hear from her again. By the time three came, everyone was in the hotel room with room service carts everywhere, in a party style mood. "Hey guys.. I guess I have something to stay before we get started and all." Kevin had managed to get everyone into AJ's room, where they had set things up for everyone to eat. Everyone looked at him, all ready to begin the unofficial meeting. He looked around and was happy to see that everyone seemed a little happier than usual. JC had been talking with Lance, making him feel a lot better, and Justin and Brian were of course in better moods. Britney and Christina went to talk with their old friends JC and Justin to get things started but had worked the room. Amanda had stayed with him and AJ, being such good friends and nothing the whole story of them both. He just hoped things he said kept the room happy. He slowly dropped his hand and AJ took it, getting Kevin's help to stand. "I guess we have something to tell you." Kevin said really nervous. They both looked from Justin, to Brian, and back to Amanda, at least three of them knew. "Umm. I guess. AJ and I wanted to tell you all that we are.." AJ hated the fact that he had made Kevin do this, only because Kevin was so scared. But this was for the best. "Kevin is trying to say that he and I are together. As in love. We are in love." The room remained quiet and the faces changed a little. But there was no anger, no fear, and no disgust. The three who already knew said encouraging things, followed by remarks of happiness from everyone else. There were some shocked people, but that ended shortly. They all just stayed the same. By the time everyone started eating everyone was back to talking and laughing. No one seemed to care that Kevin and AJ were gay or together, and they were all happy for them. The fact that Justin, Brian, and Amanda already knew had helped them realize it was OK. I mean, if a kid, a religious man, and a girl who was supposed to be dating the guy knew he was gay, it was all right. The thought that was on everyone's mind was, `maybe this tour is going to be OK after all.' TBC OK, I hope you all liked that. Now, thanks for reading, and don't worry, there will be a next part. ?