Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 01:07:03 -0700 (PDT) From: Jay Chords Subject: Deceiving Secrets - 1 Hey, this is my first attempt at a gay male fiction story involving a boy band. Woo hoo! New challenge! Anyways, please be gentle with your criticism :) Disclaimer: I think y'all know the drill. I have NO clue if anyone in the BSB is gay. Would be interesting tho, wouldn't it? Anyways, I really hope that y'all enjoy the story. Send any comments, questions, or hateful letters to : chords4@yahoo.com On with the story! *trumpeting* (hehe) -Jay Chapter 1 Jeremy looked around at his new accommodations. "Perfect," he grinned and flopped down on the couch with exhaustion. "Jeremy?" Chad called. "Yes?" "Come'ere a second, Baby." Jeremy groaned. "Why?" he whined. "Come help me with the bed." Jeremy got a new-found rush of energy and met his lover in the new master bedroom. Chad pinned Jeremy down and invaded his mouth with his eager tongue. Jeremy moaned with the intrusion, lovingly sucking on Chad's lower lip. Chad began sucking on his neck. One of Jeremy's many weaknesses. "Oh Chad," he moaned. "I love you so much." "I love you too, Beautiful." Chad's voice was thick with lust and yearning. "Make love to me," Jeremy pleaded in the back of his throat. Chad grinned and kissed Jeremy before lowering himself on the younger boy. That had been two weeks ago. Jeremy felt tears stream down his face as he gazed at his lover's picture. "Why did you leave?" Jeremy spat out bitterly. "I'll be right back sweetie," Chad kissed Jeremy and grabbed the keys to his red corvette. "Don't be long," Jeremy returned the kiss and waved as Chad walked out the door. Forever. "Bastard!" Jeremy screamed to thin air and threw the picture against the wall. Shards of glass landed on the floor as Jeremy sank to the same couch and wept. The alcohol that was running through his system left him feeling dizzy and disoriented. Jeremy never drank. At least Chad had left him something to mend his shredded heart. It was one thing to be left by you're lover, but it was another level of pain, when it was your best friend since your days of diapers. The man who'd stood by Jeremy's side when his mother died of cancer. The man who stood by Jeremy's side when he waved to his father, as he left when Jeremy was only 4 and a half years old. The man who had come out to him and confessed his undying love. "J-jeremy?" Chad's voice was shaking on the line. "Are you okay, Chad?" Jeremy had been worried about his best friend. He had been so distant and withdrawn. "No. Can you meet me there?" "Of course. Bye." The place Chad spoke of, was a simple stream that ran through the woods, separating the boys' houses. Jeremy grabbed his jacket and ran out the back door. It was two days until Chad's 16th birthday. "Chad?" Jeremy called, fear obvious in his voice. He heard muffled sobs coming from the distance. "Chad?" he repeated. "Jeremy?" He ran to his best friend's side. Chad sobbed into Jeremy's shoulder, dampening the cloth of his jacket. "Chad, what's wrong, buddy?" Jeremy looked deep into Chad's eyes. "Tell me what's wrong. You can trust me." Chad just shook his head. "I can't tell anyone! You'll hate me." "Hate you? How can I hate my best friend? We've been through too much for me to hate you now. What could be so awful for me to hate you?" Jeremy always tried to crack a joke to lighten the mood but Chad still shook with sobs. "This isn't like anything we've been through." "That it'll be a new challenge, then." Chad looked up at Jeremy, tears pouring down his flesh. "You promise?" "You have my word." Chad took a deep breath and sat down on an old stump. "IÉ" Jeremy was quiet, careful not to interrupt his friend. "I'm gay," he whispered but loud enough for Jeremy to hear. "Excuse me?" "See!" Chad stood up, exasperated. "I knew you would hate me!" Jeremy couldn't help the giggle that escaped his lips. "That's it? That was the big and horrible news you had to tell me?" Chad nodded. "Chad. It's no big deal." "No big deal. No big deal! It is a fucking big deal! Society doesn't exactly smile down upon the homosexual population. God, what is my mother going to say? This is a sin!" Jeremy took Chad's hand. "Listen to me, Chad." He knew better than to interrupt when Jeremy was about to make a speech. "God loves every human being and creature on this Earth. If God didn't want you to be gay or anyone to be gay, you wouldn't be. God makes you the way you are. Never forget that you are more God's child than you are your mother's. As for society, society sucks," Jeremy smiled as Chad giggled and sniffed. At least he had gotten a giggle out of him. "A-are you sure?" "Have I ever lied to you?" Chad shook his head slowly. "Than what other proof do you need?" Chad smiled and hugged his friend. "Thank you, Jeremy." "No problem. I love you, bro." Chad got very quiet again. "Uh oh. What else haven't you told me?" "IÉumÉ" Chad stuttered. "I've loved you for the past 10 years." That left Jeremy a bit stunned. "Are you serious?" Chad nodded. Jeremy was still holding Chad's hand, a hand that was now gripping onto his. He looked down and smiled. This felt right. Jeremy smiled at Chad and leaned forward. That first kiss they exchanged, changed both of their lives forever. Jeremy's eyes glistened with fresh tears as he saw something lying on the table. With trembling fingers, Jeremy grasped the object and gazed at it's sleek exterior. His eyes were brimming with fresh tears as he opened the knife. His brain was fogged with confusion and wonder. It seemed to bring light to the dark room. Jeremy brought the glistening beauty to his arm and violently slashed at the flesh. More wonder fogged his mind. It didn't hurt. Something that didn't hurt! Jeremy's hands were covered with his own blood. "What have I done?" he whispered as his head hit the arm of the couch, and his brain shut off. Jeremy walked into the office, his head held high. His secret shame was concealed behind a cotton wall. "Morning," Scott greeted. Jeremy vocaled his reply. The smile made his face muscles burn. That damn smile that he hid behind. "Wow Jeremy! You look great!" Mica beamed at him. "Cut the crap!" he ordered and disappeared in his office. Mica was at his heels. "Okay, what the hell is going on?" she was the only one who could see past the smile. She was the only one who knew about Chad. "The same shit that's been going on for the last week." That's when it hit him. Chad had only left a week ago. Mica sighed and hugged him. "Honey, I know you're hurting and you miss him but can you can do so much better than him. He was an ass hole and you deserve a prince." Jeremy got up and paced the room. "That's just it though. He wasn't an ass hole. Mica, he was perfect! The way he held me, kissed me, told me he loved me, and how, how he made love to me. It was all so perfect," he said softly. "What about all the times he snubbed you to go out with some buddies and get drunk. How many times has he broken your heart? Little by little. All those times you've given up plans to cower over Chad when he had a little hang over. And that time he ra.." "Don't even say it!" Jeremy said bitterly. "He didn't. He was drunk. He didn't know what he was doing. He apologized." "Best friends don't hurt best friends." "We stopped being best friends when we were 16." Mica hugged Jeremy close to her. "And you don't just leave. You don't leave for, for a women," he spat out the word like it was poison. Mica just hugged him tighter. "I'm sorry he's putting you through so much pain. You listen to me though," she took his face in her hands. "You don't deserve this pain. You do deserve a prince," she nodded toward his wall. Jeremy followed her gaze and blushed. Kevin Richardson's stern but calm face peered back at him. "It'll never happen, Mica." "How do you know? Even if it doesn't, you deserve someone like him." "You don't know that. You don't know him, Mica. He could be a complete ass for all I know. All I know, is what everyone else sees. What the record company commercializes." Mica kissed his cheek. "You never know," was all she said before disappearing out of the room and to her own desk. Jeremy sighed and sat down at his desk. He put his head in his hands and choked back a sob. There was a loud knock on Jeremy's door. "Come in," he said mindlessly as he sifted through some company contracts. "I have something that might cheer you up," Mica smiled. "Uh oh. I'm scared to know," Jeremy pretended to cringe. She just slapped him on the shoulder. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to find someone else who'll appreciate these tickets and backstage passes. I wonder if my niece would like to goÉ" She babbled, leaving the office to make the call. Jeremy followed behind her. "What kind of tickets?" "Oh, some band. Buckwater, no. Backtrot, noÉWhat was that nameÉ?" "B-backstreet Boys?" Mica snapped her fingers, dramatically. "That's it! I knew it was something like that. Anyway, wanna go? Apparently these are phenomenal seats at such late notice." Jeremy swung her around in his arms. "I'll take that as a yes," she giggled. Jeremy just grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "When is it?" "Tomorrow night. I'll pick you up around 4: 30." Jeremy just nodded and hugged her again before going into his office. "Oh? Mica?" he stuck his head back out. "Yes dear?" she giggled. "How did you get those tickets?" he inquired. He saw the star in her eye. "Oh you know little ole me. I just kind of stumbled upon these things." "Seriously." "I've got connections, sweetie. Never you mind where I got them, exactly. Just come and enjoy the show." "Thanks Mikey." "Don't thank me yet, honey." "Okay. You're the bomb baby." Mica laughed. "I'll take that one now get back to work." "Yes ma'am," he shouted and saluted, spinning back around to his desk. "Maybe this week wont be so bad," he grinned and began work with a real smile. "I'm gonna see the Backstreet Boys. I'm gonna see the Backstreet Boys," Jeremy sang softly as he left the office the next day and on the drive home. "Hello, Atchika!" Jeremy ruffled the fur of his tiny Shih Tzu. She licked his hand in reply before falling back to sleep. Jeremy stripped off his clothes to the beat of `The One'. It was blaring through his stereo system. Jeremy brushed his teeth as he waited for the water from the shower to heat up to his liking. He whistled and stepped under the warm spray as it cascaded down his muscled back. He sighed as he massaged the shampoo into his blonde hair. He shuffled under the spray as the bubbles soon disappeared down the drain. Jeremy grabbed a cloth and poured soap onto it. Mindlessly, he ran it over his body in long, slow strokes, until it ran over his left arm. The cloth fell to the shower floor as he clutched as the wounded skin. Memories from two nights before flashed through his mind. Jeremy bit his lip and finished his shower in a flourish. He wrapped a towel around his thin hips and softly wiped the water from his arm. They looked more gruesome that he would have liked to remember. So many of them. Staring at him through closed eyes. He sighed and went to look for something to wear that would hide his enemy. Luckily, they were on his upper arm, so a short sleeve shirt wouldn't betray him. He pulled on a black t-shirt and slid on a pair of boxer briefs. He pulled on a pair of wide-legged jeans and his sandals. He looked at himself and smiled. Not bad. Jeremy pampered his hair until the blonde locks fell perfectly just below his ears. The scream of the doorbell brought new butterflies to his stomach. Tonight.