Discovering Myself With Brian

Disclaimer: This story contains the names etc. of certain celebrities. This does not imply anything about those people, or my relations with them. It also contains sex/relationships between adult male men and also may contain a few types of alternate sex. If you can't handle this or it's illegal for you to read it, then DON'T! Otherwise, please enjoy it and send your comments/suggestions to me at! This is my first attempt at fan-fiction so advise or constructive criticism will be well welcomed, and compliments would make my day.

Part 1

This is a story about Jamie Hunter, he's 17 and lives in his own home in New York. His father died when he was twelve and his mother had moved interstate two years ago, when he was 15, leaving him with all the expenses and responsibilities of a 4 bedroom luxury house. He had a lot of money left to him from his father, but that sure wasn't going to last forever. As soon as he was 16 he found a job with MTV, it was basic construction, cleaning and other odd jobs to do with sets and stages. He enjoyed the work and it kept him fit, plus he was able to see the stars and grab some autographs as well.

He'd met lots of stars in the year that I worked there, KoRn, Jennifer Lopez, Placebo, `N Sync, Marilyn Manson and heaps more, but the highlight of his days at MTV so far was working on the Backstreet Boys Live special with Carson Daly. It was a pretty easy job, just putting up posters (which he made sure to steal a few copies of for his own collection) and setting up the simple stage. But the big thrill of it was meeting his idols backstage. It was incredible being able to shake hands with the five men he followed, supported and idolized (and fantasized about). He'd gotten to chat to them for about 40 minutes in between them getting dressed and make-up. He got on well with AJ, who'd made the comment that he hoped they'd meet again.

Unfortunately he didn't see the guys after the show that day, but when he was asked to work at the 1999 MTV Video Music Awards, he was only too happy to accept, having already seen the performance list. He just hoped I could chat to the Backstreet Boys again! The awards were in New York City. It was the biggest project he'd ever worked on. Hanging spotlights 4 stories in the air, making sets for 15 musical acts, building an outdoor stage and gazebo, rigging over 700 lights and last but not least building the backstage holding rooms. There were 12 boys working on it all together and it had to be put together in five days and taken down in two. (MTV only hired the venue for one week, explain that?). He was glad to have his best friend for the last year, Luke, working on the project with him. He was great, but he it a prick sometimes! The first thing he said to Jamie the Monday they started was "You think you're gona talk to the Backdoor Boys again don't you?" What an asshole! Jamie enjoyed the company though. Luke was an expert at lighting (and an apprentice electrician) and he was a mate Jamie could talk to and relate to well.

The week passed, some nights Jamie stayed at the opera house until 9 or 10 o'clock, building and whatever but the sets and lights were finished on Wednesday night. The boss, Roger, told the boys that all the rest of the stage had to be done by 10 the next morning because all the performers were rehearsing. "I know you can do it boys." He encouraged in a threatening tone. "And don't get in anyone's way tomorrow, keep away from the stars. We don't need bad relations with them thanks to you lot!" What a cunt! As Roger walked away Jamie turned to Luke "Are we finished the stage?" He asked a little uneasy about the new time restrictions. Luke just laughed and lit a cigarette, "Someone's on heat! Better keep you in a cage while the Backdoors are `round tomorrow!" "Shut up!" Jamie laughed back and play punched him in the arm. "Yeah the stage is done." Shannon informed Jamie. "But we have to get back to work on the arrival area so if you all don't mind…" Shannon was a really bossy guy. He liked to act tough and the entire week he acted like he owned the other guys!

They worked a little more and got the lights up and the carpet down they basically had everything done except the holding rooms, but there was time to do that tomorrow during rehearsals. Jamie left for home at about 8 and picked up some food on the way. He couldn't stop thinking about the seeing Backstreet Boys tomorrow. `Would I get to talk to them? Would they remember me?' He sat at home for a couple of hours in front of the TV, it was on, but he wasn't watching it. His mind was on the BSBs. `I got on best with AJ, I wanted to talk to him again so badly. Nick was nice, but very ditsy. Kevin liked to talk about business and money and gave me a lot of advice and Brian and Howie didn't really talk to me much, they seemed to keep mostly to themselves.' Jamie was so excited, but at the same time really scared. He still wasn't really sure about my sexuality. He thought to himself that I might be bi, although he never admitted it to anyone. I know I admired the Backstreet Boys and even fantasized about holding or kissing one of them but I just passed it off as my over-active teen hormones.' Jamie though to himself, finally drifting off to sleep.

he woke up the next morning feeling tired and run down. He dragged himself out of bed and got some breakfast. It was only 7 and I didn't have to be there till 9. He sat down on the couch with his cereal, turned on the TV and flipped though the channels. He got to MTV and a promotion was on for the VMA's. It had Carson Daly talking to Limp Bizkit and then the Backstreet Boys. Jamie's mind finally woke up with the rest of his body `Shit! The Backstreet Boys! How could I forget?' Jamie criticized himself, running to his bedroom. He threw his work clothes and headed for his car. He got to the site by 7:30. None of the other guys were around so he decided to make an early start on the work that had to be finished backstage. He worked harder than he had all week, and got most of the work done before the other guys showed up at 9.

Celebrities were trailing in all morning, but the Backstreet Boys were nowhere to be seen. It was 10:30 when Jamie sat down with Luke and had a drink and a smoke. "What's wrong?" Luke asked about his friend's obvious depressed state. "Nothing" Jamie lied, giving up on my chances of seeing the Backstreet Boys. "Here comes something which might cheer you up." Luke snickered, pointing to the car park where two large black men were helping the Backstreet Boys out of a black limo. `I knew they'd come' Jamie sighed to himself, smiling like a baby with an ice cream. "You really like `em don't ya'?" Luke asked taking a drag of his cigarette. "They're cool!" Jamie shrugged his reply, not letting on how he really felt.

The guys were dressed just in casual clothes as an MTV executive escorted them to the holding rooms where Jamie and Luke were sitting. The exec was explaining the Backstreet Boys routine to them. They were to go back to the dressing rooms 20 minutes before their performance to get ready. Then walk up the stage staircase and do their bit, then they were come back to the holding rooms for a quick interview and get back into their clothes before returning to the audience. He also went through the routine of what to do if they were to win an award. Jamie sat and watched the whole conversation, looking from one Backstreet to another. Howie stood in a green shirt with blue jeans. He listened carefully to the instructions, knowing the others probably wouldn't. AJ was wearing a pale yellow shirt and yellow-lens sunglasses, blue cargo pants, and blue platform sneakers, which really caught Jamie's eye! Kevin waved to Jamie when he saw him. He was wearing black gym pants and a singlet top. Brian was wearing a white Tommy shirt and blue overalls. He looked totally un-interested with the instructions. Nick was playing his Game Boy the whole time. He was dressed in a bright blue Diadora shirt and some long black pants. Once the exec has finished his whole boring speech the guys were told to wait until they were called. Jamie sat beside Luke, looking at the guys for another moment, admiring them and finding himself checking out Brian's butt more than once! He was in a half dream state. Jamie heard a sarcastic voice in my ear, "Take a picture, it'll last longer!" He heard Luke joke. "Shut up!" Jamie laughed back elbowing him in the ribs.

"Hey! James! My man! Long time no see!" Jamie looked up to see AJ with his hand out waiting for a greeting. Jamie was amazed. `He remembered me! This is so cool!' He though to himself. "Yeah." Jamie agreed standing and shaking AJ's outreached hand. "What have you been up to?" AJ asked, trying to start conversation. "This!" Jamie joked pointing out all of the temporary walls and spotlights he'd put up that morning. "Oh!" AJ laughed. "Working hard then?" "Always." Jamie replied. "Hey Brian!" AJ called over his shoulder. Brian was talking to Nick. He looked up when his name was called. AJ motioned for Brian to walk over to him. "You remember Jamie, don't you Brian?" AJ inquired, putting his arm around Brian's shoulders. "Um, yeah. I think so." Brian replied, extending his hand. Brian had been very shy the first time we met, and it didn't look like that was changing. "How are you?" Brian asked, relaxing a little. "Busy, tired, but excited to see the five of you again." Jamie smiled. Brian smiled back. His eyes were so deep and blue. Jamie stood staring at him for what seemed like ages. "Jamie? Hello?" AJ tried to get his attention. "Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about something." Jamie lied. "Can I smoke in here?" AJ asked, pointing to the black walls of the holding rooms which were covered in the `MTV 9|9|99 Video Music Awards' logo. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead." Jamie said, feeling a little embarrassed about staring at Brian.

The quiet chat of the room was broken as a loud noise came from the staircase leading to the stage. About 15 guys in silver pants walked down the stairs along with 10 guys in casual clothes. They were really puffed and headed straight for the car park. Joey and Lance of `N sync followed them. They stopped to chat to the Backstreet Boys for a few minutes until Justin, Chris and JC caught up to them. All the guys just chatted for a few seconds. The room was once again interrupted by noise as Britney spears limped down the stairs, with a young black lady Jamie didn't recognize holding her. Joey ran over to her. "You OK baby?" He asked. "I'm fine, I just have a stitch, I didn't drink enough water before I went on. I'll be OK by the show tomorrow." "You take her home and rest her, Joey." The attractive young black lady instructed Joey. He nodded and said goodbye to the other guys before carrying Britney to his car. AJ leaned into Jamie "They're together, in case you didn't realize." He whispered into Jamie's ear. Jamie just laughed. "OK B-Boys, your turn!" the young lady called out. "Yo Fatima, over here!" AJ called back, motioning her over to where AJ and Jamie were standing. "This is my bud Jamie" AJ introduced proudly. "Hi, I'm Fatima" she giggled as she shook took his hand, "but all the guys call me sir!" She joked. Jamie laughed again. "I'm feeling sick!" Nick complained. "Oh no you don't!" Fatima said sternly as she grabbed Nick by the ear and pulled him towards the steps. "OK, it's time boys!" Fatima called out, walking up the stairs. "She's strict!" Jamie commented to AJ. "Tell me about it!" AJ laughed. "She's good though! I have to admit! Want to come watch us?" Jamie was a little shocked He was afraid it was going to be time to say goodbye to his favourite band. He thought it over and decided he'd worked hard all morning, so why not? "OK, you're on!" He replied "but you'd better put on a good show!" AJ just laughed.

Once everyone was upstairs and the guys checked out the setup they were ready to begin. Jamie sat in a chair right in front of the stage. The guys got into place and they did their vocal warm-ups. "OK boys, give it to me, y'all!" Fatima called from her place, standing at the front of the stage. The band started to play the boys new single `Larger Than Life' and the guys broke into the dance routine. It was absolutely amazing! Jamie had d never seen a Backstreet Boys performance live and now he was with getting personal viewing. "Don't you fucking dare, Carter!" Fatima yelled over the music as Nick was creeping up on Howie with a bottle of water." Nick just stuck out his tongue and took a drink. "Back to work, slack-ass!" Fatima firmly spoke again.

Fatima let the guys finish up just after 12, which was much appreciated by everyone. "Who's up for lunch at Macca's?" AJ asked. His response was a unanimous `yes'. "You coming?" AJ turned and looked at Jamie. "Me? I guess. I'll have to find Roger, though." He replied, excited by the invitation. "OK, hurry!" AJ called. Jamie jumped onto the stage and ran across to the stairs at the back and headed down. "Wait up!" A voice called after him. He halted at the top of the steps and spun around. Brian was running after him. "I'll come, too!" he smiled as he caught up to Jamie. "Great!" Jamie replied. "Are you guys so instantly friendly to everyone you meet, or am I just lucky?" Jamie joked as they reached the holing rooms. "You're special." Brian replied in a serious tone. Jamie turned and looked at him and again saw the piercing eyes he was slowly falling in love with. "Really?" Jamie asked looking at Brian. "Yeah." Was all Brian said as he turned to keep walking. As the two walked towards the limo drop off area Jamie thought to himself `he's really nice, why didn't I notice him last time?' He looked out of the corner of his eye at Brian. He was just walking beside him, smiling, looking ahead. Jamie's thoughts were interrupted as a familiar voice filled my ears with its usual sarcasm. "Hello stranger? So where do you disappear to when the work is around?" Luke asked in a mocking tone. "Actually I was up on the stage, making a few last minute adjustments the Backstreet Boys requested for their set." Jamie grinned back, happy with his lie. "So where's Roger at?" Jamie asked Luke. "He's over at the office." Luke replied, looking at Brian and than back to Jamie. "OK, I'm just slipping out to lunch, K?" Jamie informed Luke. He could see the suspicion in Luke's eyes grow as he looked over to Brian once more before they headed for the Backstreet Boys limo to wait for the other band members.

It wasn't long until everyone was at McDonalds and AJ and Jamie were ordering food for the group. They walked back to the group and put the trays on the table. AJ and Jamie sat beside Brian while Kevin, Nick and Howie were on the opposite side of the table. Everyone grabbed their food and started loud conversations. `I can't believe I'm eating with the Backstreet boys!' Jamie sighed in his head. "What? Don't you eat?" AJ teased Jamie. "Yes, I eat!" He laughed back shoveling a handful of fries into his mouth. AJ laughed and went back to talking to Kevin. Jamie turned to face Brian, who was on the opposite of him. `What is it about him?' Jamie wondered. `Am I gay? Do I like him? Does he like me? He seems to? Maybe I'm just reading the signals all wrong?' "You OK?" Brian interrupted Jamie's thoughts again when he saw the boy looking at him. "I'm fine! I'm just enjoying the best moments of my life while they last!" Brian raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean?" he asked in a confused voice. "Well, I've loved hanging with you guys the today and well I know it can't go on forever…" Brian silenced him by putting his finger gently on Jamie's lips. "Come with me… I mean us, come on the Backstreet Boys tour. We leave next Wednesday." Jamie was totally shocked. He looked down at the table. `Oh my God! What was Brian asking me? I hardly knew these guys. They wouldn't want me around.' Brian put his finger under Jamie's chin and lifted his young face up to look at his own. "Please?" Brian begged. Jamie looked into his deep blue eyes and once again found himself lost and confused. "I don't know. I mean what will the other guys say? And I don't know if I can get the time off work and I just…" Brian leaned forward and gently kissed Jamie on the lips, once again making him silent. Jamie was more shocked at this than anything else that had happened all day. He quickly glanced over at the four other Backstreet Boys, but none of them had seen the sweet, gentle yet shocking kiss Brian had given Jamie. "What do you say?" Brian asked again. "I'll give it some thought." Jamie promised. "But right now I have to get back to work." Jamie commented, glancing at his watch. "I'll take you." Brian offered. "OK." Jamie agreed and the two of them stood. "Jamie has to head back now. I'm just going to take him and then I'll be back. OK, guys?" Brian announced to the rest of the table. Kevin looked at him. "What do you mean `take him back'? He hasn't touched his food yet!" Jamie laughed and grabbed his burger. "Can I eat in the car?" He asked Brian. Brian nodded, he wanted Jamie. Brian admired the young man's face and body. He didn't understand it but from the first moment he'd met Jamie back in May he knew he liked him. "Will I ever see you again?" AJ showed his goofy side, acting like he was a character in a love play. "I hope so." Jamie stated truthfully. "I hope to be seeing a lot of you soon." Jamie said in a quiet tone. He badly wanted to tour with the Backstreet Boys but he couldn't decide on his feelings for Brian, or even if Brian had any feelings for him. "Want to go shopping this Saturday?" AJ asked Jamie. "Sorry! Got to pull the opera house apart again." Jamie laughed. "Work's a shit, hey?" AJ let his opinion known. "I'd rather have your job than mine!" Jamie replied. "We'd better go." Brian reminded Jamie. "OK, I'll see y'all again soon, OK?" Jamie said to his four new friends around the table.

Everyone said goodbye to Jamie and the two guys made their way to the limo. As they sat in the back together, Brian instructed the driver, Matt, on where to go. "Will you come on tour with me?" Brian looked at Jamie with his irresistible blue eyes. Jamie looked deep into them and gathered the courage to speak his mind. "Brian, what exactly is it you're trying to ask me?" Brian looked out the window and then back to Jamie. "Jamie" Brian began, "I just…" Brian paused again. "I like you." Brian finally let his feelings know. Jamie held Brian's hand and smiled. "I think I like you, too." Jamie replied. "You think?" Brian asked, fearful of what Jamie meant. "Well I don't know. I feel like I do, but…" Jamie let go of Brian's hand and looked down at his shoes. "But what?" Brian gently coaxed Jamie, placing his arm around Jamie's shoulders. "I've never been with a guy and I don't know if I want to be. How do I tell if I like guys, Brian?" Jamie asked near tears. Brian gently lifted Jamie's head and wiped away his tears. "Do you like this?" Brian asked gently pushing his lips against Jamie's in a soft, romantic kiss. "Yes." Jamie whispered as their lips slightly parted. Brian kissed Jamie again, this time slowly opening his mouth and releasing his tongue. He gently pared Jamie's lips and moved his tongue in and out of Jamie's mouth. The two young males parted again. "Will you go out with me?" Brian asked shyly as he rested his hand on Jamie's thigh. "Yes, Brian. I'd love to, and I'd really like to take you up on your offer of going touring, too." Brian smiled and noticed they were pulling into the car park of the opera house. "Can I have your number?" Brian asked Jamie. "Sure." Jamie smiled as he wrote his phone number down for Brian. "I'll call you tonight?" Brian asked. "It's a date!" Jamie joked. Brian pulled Jamie to him again and kissed his soft lips. "Goodbye" Brian whispered. "For now." Jamie whispered back. "Could you do me one last thing?" Brian asked Jamie just before he walked off. "What's that?" Jamie asked his new boyfriend. "Please don't mention this to the other guys, I need the right place and time to tell them." "Anything for you." Jamie charmed Brian before finally  leaning in the window of the limo and kissing him goodbye.

Back at McDonalds conversations were loud and fast. "So what did y'all think of Jamie?" AJ inquired, eyeing the rest of the group. "I think he's cool!" Howie shrugged. "Yeah, he's nice but does he have any talent where it really counts?" Nick snickered. "You're a sick-ass!" Kevin scalded Nick, laughing hard. "And you're a hairy ass, but hey! I'm not one to judge!" AJ attacked Kevin. Kevin just sneered and shoveled more food into his mouth. "Anyways, what did you think of him?" AJ asked Kevin seriously. "Why? Are you on heat or something?" Kevin returned the insults AJ was throwing at him. "You're a dick!" AJ laughed. "And you like dick!" Kevin was quick to respond. "OK, enough y'all!" AJ's mood turned serious. He knew he liked guys but had never admitted it to the guys, although they all knew. He did have an on/off girlfriend, Jessica, but many nights he longed for a wild night of passion in the arms of a man. "Don't go sulking!" Kevin chastised AJ. "I'm not, I just don't want a scene." AJ did his best to cover up his feelings. "Hey y'all. I'm back!" Brian announced as he jumped over a chair to get to the table with his friends. "Why you so damn chirpy? Did you pick up a hooker for a quick hand job on the way back here or something?" Nick teased Brian. "No, I didn't for you information." Brian stated. "What is it then, you look like the cat who stole the cream." Howie added to the discussion. `Well soon enough I might just get that cream' Brian pondered in his head and giggled. "Come on, what is it, B?" AJ wanted to know. AJ hated not knowing secrets and he could always tell when someone had something to hide. "Nothing, I'm just excited about the tour, that's all!" Brian lied. He wanted to tell the guys, but not here. He needed to talk to Nick first. Nick and Brian went to each other with all their problems. While Brian knew Nick was totally bisexual he'd never admitted to Nick his own inner feelings. Nick had seen Brian's collection of gay magazines and Internet bookmarks but never brought it up, for fear of hurting his friend. "Bullshit!" Nick coughed under his breath. "Brian slapped him across the head and the guys all laughed.

That night, after work Jamie had headed straight home. He fixed himself two pop tarts and sat by the phone to watch TV. He flicked through the movies, news, music, shopping, sport and crafts channels but nothing interested him, his mind was on Brian. He even flicked over to the porn channel to check it out, but it was just an uninteresting straight flick. Jamie starred at the screen, but he didn't see the pictures shown on it, he saw a wonderful love scene between him and Brian Littrell. Brian was holding him and kissing him, just like earlier that day, but this time the guys found a passion for each other and were slowly undressing each other. Jamie's fantasy was cut short when the phone rang. He quickly grabbed it. "Hello?" Jamie asked. "Hi babe." Brian replied into the phone in a sexy voice. "Hi! Where are you?" Jamie asked Brian. "The hotel, the other guys have gone to run riot at the pool. What are you watching?" Brian asked, hearing the moans and groans of the porn movie on Jamie's TV". "Noting, I was um… just channel surfing." Jamie lied unconvincingly. Brian just laughed. "Go on, pull harder! Uh, ah!" Brian laughed harder. "Well I was moaning your name." Jamie decided to make a move on Brian. "Really?" Brian asked, a little surprised. As the conversation continued Brian found himself falling in love. `Jamie, what is it about you? I can't even see your cute ass over the phone and I'm still attracted to you.' Brian giggled feeling his heart wanting Jamie just as much as his cock.

While Kevin, Howie and Nick disturbed the hotel with their wet antics in the pool and Brian chatted in secret to his new found lover on the phone, AJ sat alone in his hotel room. He was listening to `Backstreet's Back' mouthing and dancing to every song on the album. His mind was elsewhere, though. His thoughts were of lust and desire. The special person in his mind was taking control of him. He thought of his crush day and night and it was getting too much for him to take. `If only you were here. If only I was singing to you' AJ said again and again in his mind. He walked out onto the balcony as `All I Have to Give – Part II' played on the CD player in AJ's room. He listened to the words of the song and looked over New York City. `Why can't you just be here sharing this moment with me?' AJ's thoughts wondered again.

The next morning Brian woke up early, and happy. He was on top of the world. He'd spent two hours talking to his new boyfriend last night and was ready to tell the guys. Plus he'd see his baby today at the awards. Brian threw on some pants and walked down the hall of the hotel. "Nick!" Brian yelled as he bashed on the door to Nick's hotel room. The hall was silent. "Nick! Get your lazy ass out of bed and answer the door!" Brian yelled. He waited a few more moments and finally the door opened. Brian's eyes widened with what he saw. "Bye sweetie. Thanks for last night." A young blonde girl chimed before kissing Nick and leaving. Brian watched her walk away and turned back to Nick with an inquiring look. "What? I met her at the pool. I had to make it up to her for knocking her in!" Nick explained with a sly smile. "That's pathetic!" Brian laughed, "You need to work on your excuses!" the guys laughed together. "Can we talk?" Brian asked, turning serious. "Sure, what's up?" Nick asked, taking Brian into his room.

Jamie was up early, too working hard on last minute pieces for the Video Music Awards. He was pre-occupied wondering how he was going time off to tour with the boys. He was working hard when he heard a voice behind him "I was hoping I'd find you here." Jamie turned around and put down the electric drill he was holding. "You're here early, didn't think your rehearsal was for four hours yet! Jamie said to AJ who stood in a blue shirt with white cargo pants on. "Nah," AJ replied. "Mum was coming to drop off the costumes for tonight so I came with to see you." AJ replied happily. "I'm flattered." Jamie joked, grabbing his water bottle and having a drink. "Actually there's something I wanted to talk to you about." AJ said seriously. "Oh?" Jamie raised his brow. "Yeah. Well um, what were your impressions of Brian?" AJ asked. Jamie was confused, he didn't know what AJ meant by the question. "Um, he's nice…" Jamie said slowly. "Yeah, he is, but…" AJ didn't finish. "But?" Jamie wondered out loud. He was wondering if AJ knew about he and Brian. "Do you think he likes guys?" AJ asked, sounding very unsure. "He might be." Jamie replies, feeling uncomfortable. "I'm going to ask him out, I've liked him for ages and well, I think it's time to make my move." AJ stated. Jamie was dumbfounded, he didn't know what to say. He didn't have long to think before a loud voice filled his ears. "Alexander?" It was Denise. "Oh shit! I have to go. Do you think I should go for it?" AJ spoke hurridly. "Um, I'd say leave it until after the awards." Jamie let the first words that came into his head come out of his mouth. "Thanks bud." AJ said hugging Jamie before running off. "Catch you in a few hours!" AJ called as he ran over to his mother. Jamie sat down and lit a cigarette. "Oh shit! What have I done?" He asked himself out loud. He sat thinking to himself of what he should do.

Author's Notes: Well that's the end of part one, please let me know what you thought and if you want more. Write to me at even if you just want to say hi! I would also like to say a quick thank-you to my girlfriend Velvet for helping and supporting my with the story and also a thank-you to my influences, especially Lep, who is a great writer.

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Boys Will Be... Boys