Date: Sun, 21 Oct 2001 23:35:57 EDT
From: Angel36745@aol.com
Subject: Double Take 10

  Disclaimer: I don't know BSB or anyone connected to them in anyway. I
don't know their sexual preferences, this is just a story. I made it all up
in my own little twisted world. Well, it's not that twisted but that's not
the point.

  Warning: I don't know where this is going, or what will happen. I've had
this story on my mind for the past couple of months. There may be sex, but
if there is it won't be in the first chapter. So if that's what you're
looking for you might want to look in another place. Now I'm going to try
and not use any super natural beings. I may fail but hell trust me when I
say I can't help it.

   Authors Note: Well I'm back and my BSB kick, and I've left for other
bands alone. Now that most likely won't last for long so don't get your
hopes up. If you have time and like this story check out some of my other
stories. I'll leave a small list at the end of this chapter. I don't have
an editor anymore, so most likely there will be a few mistakes. I would
also like to add that if you have the time to please e-mail me. I love feed
back and in some ways it helps get the next chapter out. Ok I'm going to
explain my symbols and my way of writing. I write in the first person point
of view, so to tell the story better I switch characters. I use these ***
to do that and I also use those symbols to start off the chapter. I will
put the name of the characters name in between the symbols when I start a
chapter. When I change the character in the middle of the chapter or any
part of the chapter the name will be at the end of the symbols. As of right
now those are the only symbols I use. If I add more symbols I will explain,
now on with the story I hope you enjoy it.

Extra Note: I would like to explain why it took so long to get this chapter
out. First off I lost friends in the world trade center attack, which has
done many things to my mind. In some ways it has made writing a lot harder,
and has left me at a loss for words to write. Secondly I don't know how to
really deal with the attacks and my stories since I try to maintain some
kind of reality in my stories, even if the stories thenselves are a little
out there to begin with. Reguardless of what I write I try to keep the
present world involved in my stories. Now with everything that has happened
I find myself lost and not knowing how to continue to write the way I
write. One way of handling this is to involve it and take five times longer
to write because of the tears that continue to fall when I think about the
attacks. The other is to try not to think about it while I'm writing and
just not bring up anything about the attacks. In other words, ignore it in
my stories until I can deal with it enough to write while it's on my
mind. I would like to thank those that I've spoken with and that have tried
to help me through this. In addition I would like to thank everyone that
understands why this is taking so long to write, so thank you all.

Alex
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*****Brian******

  It was like something went through Ash making his face soften.

"I guess the guys should have warned you a little before bringing you
here. My name is Ash, I'm Nick's twin as you can see, welcome to our
birthday party." Jerry nodded then looked to me as in asking why, his face
was pretty pale.

"I'll get everyone some drinks since it look's like you missed your
appointment Brian." I looked to Jane seeing that she had seen through my
lie. After Jane left the room other people started arriving, first AJ and
Howie, then Kevin and Kristen. Jade showed up a little later with her new
guy, who seemed to be a little shy. When David showed up Ash was there to
meet him at the door, Brenda and Jeff couldn't make it due to an
appointment. It didn't really seem to phase Ash at all, something I had
expected. Still I was in a place where nothing made sense, it looked as if
I were the only one in pain. It was like Ash had moved on as if nothing had
ever happened between us. Only he wasn't pulling his cold act, it was like
everything was normal and always would be. I was only someone that had once
meant something to him. Now I was just something of the past that would
most likely remain that way for the rest of time. It hurt to know that I
had really lost him and there would never be another time where I would lay
by his side. In some ways it was what had kept me going for so long, was
just a thought really. That someday when he was better we would be together
again and everything would be perfect. I guess those days weren't going to
come now, maybe they had never really been apart of fates plan. Now life
seemed so empty and anything that had been getting filled by Jerry suddenly
faded.

  There was nothing in the world that could fill the void in my heart,
nothing to ease the pain. I wasn't complete, not anymore, not since the day
Ash and I had gone our separate ways.

"Are you ok Brian?" I looked to Ash, his voice sent my world moving and
spining out of control.

"I'll be fine, how have you been lately?" He smiled again and I found
myself fighting tears that threatened to fall.

"I'm getting better everyday, are you happy with Jerry?" The question had
been unexpected to say the least, but it still made a difference.

"Yeah, we get along great, is there anyone in your life now, someone
special?" He laughed lightly and shook his head slowly.

"For me, there was only you, but I'm sure that in time I'll meet someone. I
want to wish you all the happiness in the world Brian." I couldn't speak as
he moved away and back to his party. My hands moved without thought as I
reached out toward him missing his chair by inches. I pulled my hands back
empty and just looked at them, it was destiny that this would happen
again. To be only inches from what I craved most, only to see it slip away
again. Tears fell and I turned away to see Jerry looking at me and then to
Ash who was talking with Nick. Jerry closed his eyes as if finally seeing
the truth for the very first time. When he moved toward me I thought he was
about to attack in someway, only he just stood there.

"You love him don't you?" I didn't know how to asnwer his question, if I
told the truth it could destroy what I had now.

"I love him, I have always loved him and I always will, but that doesn't
change anything, and it never will." Jerry had tears falling from his eyes
as he looked toward Ash and shook his head.

"If you love him then you need to be with him, it's as simple as that." I
shook my head that part of my life had ended because I had gotten cold
feet.

"Brian, you love him and I can see from the way he looks at you that he
still loves you. If you can't see that then you're blind, he loves you, go
to him before that love is pushed away." Never in all my life had I thought
I would meet someone with the same kind of heart that Ash had. I could only
nod and walk toward Ash when the lights went out, I froze not knowing what
to do. A dim light could be seen moving from the kitchen, and as it neared
Ash I could see his smile. After the cake was set down the most amazing
thing in the world happened. Ash stood up from his chair, everyone in the
room stopped moving, breathing, and just looked at him. Nick walked up
beside him and together they walked to the cake. It was a moment of pause,
as the world stopped and my heart started beating again. I don't know how
long it had been since my heart has last beat with real meaning. Ash and
Nick bent over and blew the candels out togther, then looked up at everyone
and smiled. Jane was hugging Ash seconds later then she was hugging Nick.

"How long have you been walking? Why didn't you tell anyone, did you know
about this Nick?" Both of them were looking back and forth from one another
then smiled again, I didn't know how to react to everthing.

"Well, I've been walking for a few weeks, but I'm no where near ready to
live on my own yet. It took just about everything to walk to the table with
Nick's help, and standing still isn't the easiest thing. That and Nick did
know, but he was the only one besides my doctors and others at the
hospital. I made all of them swear not to tell anyone, including Nick, so
don't be mad at him. My reason for not telling is simple, I wanted to
surprise everyone and give us all a reason to party today." Ash slowly
shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't know what else to say. I was about
to walk up to him when AJ ran up and hugged Ash lifting him off the ground.

"I knew you could do it man, it was just a matter of time, hell yes." I
watched as AJ kissed Ash on his cheek before sitting him back down. Ash was
blushing lightly as he looked at AJ, I just froze. This could be it as Ash
made his way back to his chair with AJ and Nick's help. Everyone was in
high sprits with the news that Ash was recovering slowly. Even with these
new thoughts flowing through my mind I couldn't help but smile as he looked
around at everyone. As I looked at how AJ looked at Ash I knew he was
starting to have feelings for him. Then my eyes moved to Ash again and I
watched him look at AJ with what looked like hope. It hit me that maybe Ash
had just started moving on, leaving me where I was. I walked back to Jerry
and just looked at him, I could try to make this work. He was a great guy,
and he had always tried to give me a reason to smile. His kindness and
friendliness was what had drawn me to him, even now he proved to be a great
person.

"I may love him, but I do care a great deal for you, and I'm sure that in
time I will love you. I know you love me, and I really want to try to make
this work, and move on if we can, togther." He smiled slowly and nodded, we
kissed then and for the first time I felt something for him that was
real. It wasn't like what I felt for Ash, but for now it would have to
do. Given time I was sure that my heart would love him just as much as it
loved Ash, not the same kind of love, but something close.

*******Ash

After seeing Brian and Jerry togther my resolve was clear it was time to
move on. After AJ's innocent kiss I had a few feelings run through my mind
and body. We didn't know each other all that well, but I planned on getting
to know him a lot better. He was a great guy, I already knew that much from
his past actions. Given time I was sure that I could move on and leave my
past behind me. Not that I could ever stop loving Brian, I knew that was
something that could never happen. He was apart of my heart, my very soul
longed for his touch again. Only I knew that wasn't going to happen now, he
had moved and he was happy with Jerry, he had said so himself. Now it was
my turn to move on and see if I could allow another into my heart. If there
was any guy my heart would even consider it would have to be AJ. I guess I
had been thinking about him for some time now, since I had heard Brian had
found someone else. The truth was I just hadn't been ready to admit it just
yet, now I had no choice. Their had been apart of me that had been hoping
that Nick had been right and Brian wasn't happy. Then there would have been
a chance that he and I could have gotten back togther at some point. Now
that hope was gone as I looked to Brian and Jerry, they were kissing in a
corner. He was happy and that was all I could want for him, at least in my
mind. My heart was screaming other things as I turned away from the past.

I guess there wasn't anything that I could do but move on, and that was ok
now. Still I couldn't stop myself from looking back at Brian, his back was
to me. I guess in someway it was the final goodbye to that love, it hurt
but it was needed. Now all hope had been killed, and all love abandoned, it
was time to let it go. As I looked toward AJ I found him looking back with
a smile on his face that seemed to hide a great sadness. It made me wonder
how long it had been since he had really been happy. I also wanted to be
the person that made him smile in the mornings and all day long. Even if it
was only being his friend and nothing more, I could deal with that. Maybe
it was the way I really wanted to deal with everything. No matter how many
times I told myself to just let go, I couldn't simply walk away from
Brian. One of the reasons being I was in a wheel chair the other being my
heart was still his. I wanted to be with AJ and try to move on, but in my
heart I knew it wouldn't be that easy. In some ways I feared being with AJ,
I didn't want to hurt him more than he was already hurting. If we did end
up being a couple I wondered if I could truly be with him without thinking
of Brian every single moment that passed. Then reality set in, I knew that
Brian would always be on my mind and in my heart. For so long he was all
that I had thought about and even now I couldn't get him out of my mind for
longer than a few seconds.

When I had first regained control of my body Brian was the first person I
saw. He was sleeping beside me with his head resting on my chest, he had
looked so innocent. Brian was like an angel that I had prayed for, and
there he was waiting for me to awaken from my slumber. When I had woken him
up he had started crying and holding onto me, the thought alone sent me
back to that place where I had wanted to say so much. At that time I had
been so weak and the person that had come to mind was Nick. He shouldn't
have been the person I was thinking about at that time, I should have been
focusing on Brian. My first words had been for Nick, telling Brian that I
could live for myself and I loved him. What I should have said was that I
loved Brian, that I loved him for everything he had done for me. For all
the time he had spent by my side knowing that I could remain that way for
the rest of time. Still he had remained by my side never giving up hope
that someday I would wake up. All his words had touched my heart,
everything he had done I could remember. In all that time I had never given
him anything, so it confused me at that time. Now I knew the reasons he had
for always being there for me, he had loved me. Those feelings he had for
me were now focused on another, and from what I could tell he wasn't a bad
guy. He loved Brian, he loved him more than I had ever allowed myself
reveal.

I knew now that I had made a huge mistake in never letting Brian know how
much he meant to me. Then I made an even bigger mistake by pushing him away
when he had only wanted to stand by my side. Now all I could really do was
wait until Brian's new interest screwed up and gave me a chance. I didn't
know when that time would come but I knew that I would do anything to get
him back when it did. My only hope was that it wouldn't take to long, I
feared that my feelings for AJ would grow. I knew that Brian would always
have my heart but that didn't mean my heart wouldn't heal in time. Knowing
that only made me worry a little more because I knew that I didn't want to
give Brian up. Now as I watched him talk and kiss his boyfriend my heart
twisted into knots and my vision blurred lightly. I turned away and wiped
my eyes before anyone could get a good enough look to know what was
happening. It was like daggers digging their way to my heart and constantly
stabbing me. There was no way I could continue to watch Brian, so I looked
at Nick and smiled. Only he didn't return my smile, he knew what I was
feeling, how I wasn't for sure but he knew. He tilted his head toward AJ
who was looking at Brian as well with what looked like hatred. I guess
everyone wasn't as blind as I had hoped they were.

Kevin was standing in a corner with Leigh, both of them were looking at
Brian. Kristen was standing with my mother talking about something, but
both of them were looking toward Brian. Jerry, Brian's boyfriend looked at
me with what looked like a sad smile, but I couldn't blame him. He had
Brian and he had won him fair and square, no tricks or cheating
involved. Now as I looked at him I found myself wanting to rip him to
shreds so I could once again have Brian. The longer the thought was in my
mind the more it made sense to fight for this. Brian and I belonged
together, only I didn't know how to get him back without doing something
low down and dirty. I didn't want to sank to that level, in fact I refused
to go that low. Now I just had to think of a way to win him back without
destroying Jerry in the process, eventhough he was now the enemy. The first
thing I would have to do would be getting back on my feet so I had a
fighting chance. There were things I knew how to do that I hadn't even
thought of doing in years, but now it was needed. Of course my legs would
be needed along with less clothing, or more revealing clothing that I
didn't normally wear. Now that I had somewhat of a plan I was going to need
help from Nick and a few other people. A few names came to mind along with
my other brother David.

Four more months had passed and I was now walking short distances without
any trouble. My doctors said I would be out of the hospital in a few more
weeks if I kept my progress up. It was all thanks to Nick and AJ, neither
of them had left my side since the party. Well, they left to go home and
sleep but the next morning they were there helping me. The sadest part was
both of them knew what I was up to and still agreed to help, for AJ it had
to be killing him. Only I didn't know any other way, and I knew now that he
did have feelings for me. He told me how he felt, but that he understood
how I felt about Brian and that he would do anything to help me, so he
could see me happy again. I hadn't known how to react, and I still didn't
so I didn't say anything at all. I just kissed AJ on his cheek then we
placed our foreheads together. It was one of those moments where I wanted
to give him everything he wanted, only I knew my heart wouldn't be in
it. So I could only give him what I had which was friendship, at least
until I knew that there would never be a Brian and I again. When that
happened maybe my heart would finally allow some of these flames to die. It
was burning my heart and soul and all I could really focus on was getting
Brian back. So for now AJ was way out of the picture, but I was happy that
he was willing to help me. Nick on the other had was doing everything he
could to set up my fashion show which I had been working on when I wasn't
working out.

The outfits I had made were more revealing than anything I had ever drawn
before. The models didn't mind since most of them were like me and didn't
like wearing much clothing to begin with. So revealing themselves wasn't
really a problem, and I would be joining them on the stage. It would be the
first time any of them would meet me or know that I was the designer. There
was also the possablility that the reporters would finally know about my
connection to Nick and all hell could break loose. I had asked mom and
everyone else before I had asked Nick to start planning that part of my
plan. She had agreed under one condition, that I would finally take their
last name. I had agreed since I had been planning on it anyway, just a
little later than it had happened. My last name had become my middle name,
so I was now Ash Lee Carter. I thought it sounded pretty nice myself, and
Mom had been so happy about it. It had felt really good to see her smile
and jump around like a little kid. Now with everything almost ready it was
time for the last three steps to be taken. First Brian would have to be at
the show in a front roll seat, then he would have to go to the after
party. Everything was pretty much riding on one night, well not everything
even if this didn't work out I wasn't going to give up. Well, not until I
no longer had a choice in the matter.

The day was finally here and Brian and Jerry were front roll for what they
thought was my return show. Everyone else knew that I had made my return
after my birthday party in secret. Since then I had been sending drawings
in and taking my business back making a ton of money in the process.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere, I know I've seen your face
somewhere. That doesn't matter right now, do you know where the designer
is, I was told that we would finally get to meet this guy." I looked at the
model and smiled, he looked a little hyper, which made me a little happier.

"It's nice to meet you, I'm Ash Lee, the designer, is there something I can
help you with?" The guy looked confused since I was wearing my own clothing
and was about to take the runway.

"There's no way, you're way to young to be doing this, and these clothes,
no way man quit pulling my leg, you're a model just like us." I laughed and
walked to a table picking my walet up and showing him my old ID. His eyes
got huge then he told me how sorry he was for ever doubting me.

"This is so cool man, I mean it's like one of us finally made it in this
world on something besides our looks. Have you seen some of the other
deisgners, there're as ulgy as dogs man, but I wouldn't mind sleeping with
you to get a job for one second." That was the last thing he said before he
walked out on the walkway leaving me a little confused. I shook my head and
followed him letting my bangs cover most of my face. The only people that
would know who I was were the people I had sitting front roll. I stopped at
the edge and looked down at Brian, he looked a little confused, I could
only smile. Something told me I had a really good chance of getting him
back since Jerry had been pulling his arm the whole time I had been
standing on the edge. He hadn't even looked at Jerry as I walked away
making sure to shake my ass a little. If little Jerry wanted to keep Brian
he was going to have to fight with everything he had. After the show was
over I took the stage once again pulling my hair out of my eyes.

"I would like thank all of you for coming out and watching my show tonight,
I hope you give me some positive reveiws. This is the first time I've
allowed my face to been seen at one of my shows, considering my age. Yet as
you can see I make wonderful clothing for men mostly, as you've seen I've
only made three outfits for women. I hope that I can help male modeling and
open some doorways to prove that we can model more than just suits. Thank
you all for your time, and I hope you all have a nice night, and an even
better morning." I walked off the stage before I could be asked any
questions since I could hear the reporters already whispering. Once I was
back stage I got a lot of pats on the back by the models who promised to
help whenever they could. I knew that their words were only as good as the
next few hours. If the reviews were good then I could count on them for my
next show, if it all went south then they would pretend they had never met
me. I didn't hold it against them, it was the world we all lived in and I
understood them. If one of the models had messed up I would have been
forced to never hire that model again fearing that he or she would do it
again. This business was about perfection, and if you weren't at least a
mask of perfection then it was a little hard to get anywhere. It didn't
mean you had to be perfect it just meant that you had to look perfect or it
didn't work to well.

I knew that my clothing was as perfect as I could make them but that wasn't
always what mattered. So I still had a lot to worry about, and this time I
had gone further than I had ever done before. The only part of the body
that I had covered was the penis, and I'm sure that sometimes even that was
seen. I know that what I had been wearing the one time I took the runway
showed everything and only made it look like I had something on. Once you
got close enough you could see that there was nothing left to the minds
imagination. Now the clothing was meant to be worn with under clothing but
at the time it didn't really suit my needs. I needed to show Brian a few
things that I had to offer, while tonight at the party I was going to show
him some dancing skills that AJ had been teaching me. If that didn't work
then I didn't know what I was going to do, but it wasn't going to stop
me. When the party started I found myself very nervous and not wanting to
hit the dance floor or face Brian. This wasn't me and I was just starting
to realize that when Nick walked in and pulled me out of my hiding place.

"Come on, if this is going to work you have to be out there." I nodded and
followed him to the dance floor where Jerry and Brian were dancing. So I
started dancing by myself having Nick and AJ keep other people from joining
me. Kevin made sure that Brian got to see me by asking him a few questions
while his back was to me. So Brian had to have looked over Kevin's shoulder
to see me at least once. I couldn't look at him since I knew what Kevin was
upto, I just had to hope he would walk over.

"You put on a really nice show tonight, I was a little surprised to see you
on catwalk." I looked over at Brian and nodded slowly thanking him
afterwards.

"I thought I would try something new, I just hope I didn't embarrass
myself." Brian started shaking his head really quickly and smiling like a
little kid.

"I don't think you could do that if you wanted to, could we talk for a
minute?" I nodded and followed Brian back to his table where Jerry was
waiting. He didn't look to happy to see me at the moment, which was
understandable.

"Hi Jerry, what did you think of the show, plan on buying any of the
clothing?" I smiled as sweetly as I could and batted my eyes lightly.

"Well, I'm thinking about getting the outfit you have on, Brian really
seems to like it, and just like you I have nothing to be ashamed of." He
returned my smile and tilted his head lightly before looking to Brian. I
could have ripped his lips off his face without a second thought at that
moment.

"I'm so happy you liked it, maybe I could get your sizes and have one made
for you for free. After all any friend of Brian's is a friend of mine,
what's your pants size, maybe a thirty eight would do." His face changed
lightly, I knew very well that pants at that size would just fall off him.

"Just kidding, are you a thirty two, or smaller cause you look smaller." I
could tell that he was starting to get really mad so I only smiled a little
wider as I took a seat beside Brian.

"It seems you like to joke around alot, I guess you and Nick have that in
commin." I laughed lightly placing my hand on Brian's leg acting like I was
trying to calm myself.

"Well, you know how it goes with God being in a joking mood, he ends up
making a person with a good sense of humor, or two in my case." The smile
hadn't left my lips and my hand was still on Brian's leg as if I had
forgotten it there. Jerry looked at me with this smile but his eyes had
kill all over them. When he looked at my hand it instantly became overkill.

"I should get back to the dance floor, I hope you two have a great night."
I stood and walked back to the dance floor and started dancing to some
weird music that had a really wild beat to it. It helped me out a lot since
it was allowing me to shake my body in all the right places. I could only
hope that Brian was watching and that Jerry's temper would get the best of
him.

*******AJ

All I could do was watch him from a distance and hope that he got what he
wanted. It was all I wanted right now, just to see him smile again and know
it wasn't fake. To know that he really was happy, and I knew that Brian was
the only one that could give that to him. So I watched him, he looked good,
better than any other guy I had met, but that wasn't what had attracted me
to him. To be honest I didn't really know what attracted me to him, he was
just a great guy. His smile could light up a room and draw all the
attention to him without any trouble. When he spoke with someone you could
tell that his attention was really focused on that person. He didn't just
nod he would add imput and ideas, some times just something that helped or
his own opinion. I couldn't help but to look toward Brian, he had been a
fool to ever let Ash slip out of his life. Eventhough Ash had asked for it
Brian should have waited, I would have waited until the end of
time. Something told me that even now I was waiting for him, just for a
chance with him would be enough. Only I knew in my mind that his heart
belonged to Brian, and most likely would always belong to Brian. My heart
on the other hand couldn't accept this fact so I kept waiting, and praying
that someday he would be mine.

I also knew that I wanted this to go bad, so then there was a chance Ash
would give up on Brian. If that happened it would give me a chance with
him, a very small chance but still a chance. I know that given the time I
could make him smile again, and be there for him whenever he needed
someone. He was there when I needed him, well not really but he had sent me
a card. At the time he hadn't really known me but the words he had put in
that card had touched my heart. He had been so kind and made the card by
hand and not just gone out and baught it. That had meant so much to me,
then when I start to think that I'd like to get to know him he gets hurt
really badly. I was in shock when Nick had told us what had happened, and
then when I saw him. He had looked so bad and the doctors didn't think he
would make it. Still he pulled through and proved all the doctors
wrong. Then time after time he would do it again and show the world, or at
least his friends that he truly was a miracle. The night I had held Nick I
had been thinking it was the only thing I could do for Ash. He would have
wanted someone there for his brother so I stepped upto the bat. At some
point I had fallen for him, and I still didn't know why. I guess it didn't
really matter, all that mattered was seeing him smile again, and if Brian
could do that then it's all I could ever ask for.

To Be Continued
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Other stories that I've written Falling, The Sryin, The Lost, Broken, It's
A Wonderful Life, Gemini, Ghost, Where You Are, Libra, Simple Twist Of
Fate, Angelic, and The Last Kiss Good Night