Date: Wed, 27 Nov 2002 05:57:53 -0700
From: xykos@earthlink.net
Subject: elaborate lives part 5

Disclaimer:  I do not know N Sync.  This is a purely fictional story
created in the recesses of my warped mind.  Any similarities with actual
people is merely coincidental.  And, yes, the other members of N sync
will be making appearances in later chapters.  Comments are welcome at
xykos@earthlink.net

enjoy.

Elaborate Lives
Chapter Five

	But everything changed when I met you
	You've changed my life somehow
	Everything changed when I met you
	I find I walk in technicolor now


	Jason stood in the middle of the clearing.  The house was no longer
here.  Frantically, he searched, looking for anything, any sign that the
house was ever there.  He found nothing.  The grass stood straight, the
trees surround the clearing soared high.  The only blemish to the area
was the small hole he had dug days earlier, the place where he had found
the pendant.  And even there, the forest had taken over, slowly erasing
the presence of man.  The grass had already begun to grow in the spot;
soon it would be blended in with it's surroundings.  But the birds still
did not chirp here.  Everywhere else they could be heard, gossiping back
and forth, but not here.

`Alex.'

	The boy, weary from his exertions fell to the ground, weeping.  He
was sure that he would find something here.  Chris couldn't be gone.  He
had to have been here.  The house wasn't a dream.  It wasn't.  It was as
real as the pendant clutched in his hand, biting his flesh, greedily
drinking the blood trickling down from the broken skin.  There had to be
some sign of his friend here, and Jason wasn't going to leave until he
found it.

"Alex!"

	"Where are you!"  he screamed into the sky.  Although he stood in
the middle of the large clearing, the sun did not shine down on him.
The sky was a velvety blue, no clouds in the sky.  But Jason stood in
shadows, a chill cooling his body, causing him to shiver with cold.  Or
fright.  He didn't care.  "Where the fuck are you!  Bring me back my
friend!  CHRIS!"

"ALEX!!!"

I jerked my head away from the computer, not knowing where I was for a
while.  I was sitting in an alcove, the wind whistling around me.
Looking up, I saw Steven coming towards me.  Extremely pissed.  `Oh
well,' I thought, smirking to myself.  `When is he not pissed at me.'  I
quickly hit save on the iBook and stood to greet him.  As I left the
protection of the alcove, I could feel the wind's biting sting on my
checks.  `God I love the Pali.'

I think I was the only one.  Everyone else were shooting daggers at me,
especially the crew.  The wind was especially bad today.  I suppose they
would have to re-record the entire dialogue.  James and Josh, the only
two principles on location for the first day of shooting looked
extremely bedraggled.  James's normally immaculate hair was dancing
wildly in the rush of air coming from off the cliff.  He gave me a weak
smile on his very pale lips.  I'm guessing they just finished shooting
his suicide scene where he jumps off the cliff, wanting to fly, wanting
to finally be free.  Sure enough, the crew was working on bringing in
the tarp that caught him after he jumped.

"What kind of location is this, Alex!"  Steven's screaming voice caught
my ear.

"What do you mean?  Didn't you read the book?"  He look puzzled.  "In
the book, I mention the winds at the Pali.  That's what makes it
famous.  That's why Travis" I pointed at James, "wants to fly here.
God, Steven, pick up a book sometime, would ya."

He looked at me, stuptified.  The mix of emotions playing on his face
clearly showed he wanted to pick me up and throw me over the edge.  But
he remained calm, kudos to him.  Instead of ripping me a new one for
something he should have known about, he asked So, where is this
clearing?"

I pointed towards the right edge of the lookout point, where a small
road lead down the slope.  "If you go down there, you'll find a path
leading into the valley below.  It's at the base of this lookout, we can
get there in a couple of hours."

I heard the crew groan.  It suddenly hit me that it would be impossible
to get the equipment down into the valley.  Most were too heavy and
bulky to be carried down the steep path.  They couldn't lower the
equipment off the cliff, since the winds would batter the expensive
hardware into the rock wall.  I looked at Steven, who was realizing the
same thing.

"Can we come through on the other side of the valley?" he asked.

I shook me head.  "There's no path from the edge of the valley.  Plus, I
think the land is sacred."

"Great."  Steven sighed.  He had no choice but to relocate.  Shooting
would be pushed back a day at least.  And it was because I located the
scene in an impossible place.  "Harvey!"  The director shouted for one
of his yes men.  I guess he told him to find another spot to film the
scene under the Pali, because he sprinted off, got in his car and left.
Steven looked at the rest of us.  "The rest of the day's shoot is
canceled.  You guys have the rest of the night to do whatever."  With
that, he turned toward his rental and angrily stalked away.

I was surprised he didn't chew me out, but he must have been getting
tired of doing that by now.  As the crew was leaving, I tried to find
James.  He stood by the edge, gazing out into the valley below.  I
didn't want to startle him, he being so close to the edge.  I knew the
guard rail would prevent him from going over, but I didn't want to
chance that.  I don't know, I guess you stop living completely in
reality when your in love.  In love?  Yeah, I guess I was.  I stared at
his back, loving the way you could see the faint outline of his muscles
under the shirt, the way the wind whipped his long brown hair.  I loved
the curve of his neck, the slope of his ass, his strong legs.

I guess James felt my eyes undressing him.  He turned around and smiled
at me.  I went over to him, braving the winds.  "Hey there, good
looking."  I said.

He smiled and turned to the valley again.  "This place is so beautiful.
How'd you find it?"

"Oh, I have my ways."  I still hadn't told James I grew up here.  How I
used to come up here late at night, and just think.  About love, about
life, about everything and anything.  How I wondered why I was gay, and
how I was tempted several times to climb up on the railing and try to
fly in the winds.  Those weren't thoughts I wanted to share at this
point.  We've been together for a couple of days now, and the last thing
he probably wanted to hear was stories from my troubled past.  "Hey, you
want to get out of here?  Explore the island, a little?"  I asked,
trying to change the subject.

He gave me a sly, evil grin.  "I know a place where we can explore."  He
looked down into the valley below us.  "I couple hours hike you said?"
I nodded.  "Well, let's go down and see what happens.  I've never been
naughty in a sacred place before."

I gave him a terrified look.  I did not want to do anything down there.
"Do you know why this place is sacred?"

"No, but in a place that's so beautiful and private, I can imagine a
couple of reasons why."  He moved closer to me, trying to kiss me, but I
moved away.

"Yeah, and is one of those reasons the fact that about a thousand
warriors were thrown off this cliff to their deaths into the valley
below?"  His lust filled eyes filled with horror and he looked back into
the vegetation beneath us.  "So if we do it down there, we'll be rolling
around on a mass grave.  Hey, we may even have an audience if you
believe in ghosts."

He looked at me.  "But, the scene.  Travis and Cody, they, they. . ."

I laughed at his speechless face.  He could look so adorable
sometimes.  "Well, they have no qualms.  It's great how fictional
characters are like that sometimes."  I let him digest everything for a
minute.

"You want to get out of here, now?"  He just nodded his head.  I laughed
again and pulled the pop star back toward my rental car.  There was a
whole island to rediscover and we had the whole night to find it again.

* * * * * *

"So, what were you doing today at the shoot.  I thought Steven was going
to blow a fuse or something,"  James asked me as we ate a late dinner
overlooking downtown Waikiki.  The view was beautiful from the
restaurant.  The coast illuminated by the hotels along the shore, a
faint outline of diamond head could be seen in the distance.  It was a
nice summer evening.  Lovers strolled below us, window shopping as they
lovingly gazed in each other's eyes.

"I was working on my book."

He gave me a look.  "I guess you do go into a zone.  I didn't understand
at first, but, wow, Alex, you were really out of it."  I just smiled and
nodded.  "So, what's the book about?"

I shook my head.  "Sorry, I don't want to jinx the book.  Last time I
told someone what my book was about, I got writer's block and couldn't
finish the story."

He grinned.  "I never took you for a superstitious person."

"Only this one.  Plus, if I tell you, I'll lose a potential customer.
You wouldn't want to buy a book that you all ready know what it's about,
would you?"

"Actually," he said.  "I would wait for the movie to come out.  I never
have time to read anymore."

I laughed.  "I seriously doubt there will be another movie based on my
books."

He paused his fork halfway to his mouth.  "Oh, come on.  This experience
can't be that bad, can it?"

I sat there thoughtfully.  "Well," I replied after a minute.  "There is
one good thing that came out of this."  I looked at him, suddenly shy
and feeling awkward.  "I got to meet you."

James's eyes lit up with his smile.  He didn't say anything, just
grabbed my hand and held it for a second.  Gave a squeeze and gently let
go.  That simple gesture was enough for me.  I never felt this way
before, and I wondered if I was actually in love.  So many times, my
relationships fell apart at the seams, leaving me holding the empty,
tattered bag all alone.  I was so cynical about the notion of love
before I met James, now I was fast becoming one of those weepy
melodramatics.  I mean come on, look at me.  One touch of his hand and
I'm choked up, nearly in tears.  I had to do something about that.  But
not right now.  Now, I just wanted to sit here and gaze at the beauty in
front of me.

"Penny for your thoughts."  I guess I was staring at James a little
longer then I thought.

"James, you shouldn't insult yourself like that," I scolded him
mockingly.  "You are worth at least double that."

He smiled.  "I take it you were thinking of me."  He took a drink from
his iced tea when it suddenly dawned on him.  "Hey!  I'm worth a lot
more than two cents!"

I shook with laughter.  "OK, OK.  Three."

He glared at me, a playful anger in his eyes.  "I'll get you back later."

I looked him straight in the eyes and said "And I'll be waiting.  With
bells on."  And with that both of us collapsed into a fit of giggles.

"Alex?"  I heard a voice from the past and quickly sobered up.  I knew
this would happen.  Oahu wasn't that big of an island after all.  I just
didn't expect it to happen this soon.  "Alexander Goodman?"  The voice
called again, nearer, louder.  This time James heard it and stopped
laughing as well.

I turned in my seat, a phony smile plastered on my lips.  "Aunty Diana!
How are you?"

A large woman came over to my table as I stood.  She squeezed me into a
hug and gave me a couple of kisses on the cheeks.  "Oh my God, Alex!
When'd you get back?"

She released me and I could breathe again.  "Just yesterday.  I'm
working on something for a couple weeks."

"Come stop by da house later.  We can catch up.  Talk story."  My aunt
was a great woman.  Ten years ago, I left Hawaii and I haven't kept in
contact with anyone since.  And here she was, forgiving those ten years
of silence with a hug.  Forgetting everything.  I felt horrible.

"I will, Aunty.  I will."

She suddenly looked stern.  My aunt was a formidable woman.  I was blood
and even I didn't want to get on her bad side.  The look she gave me
could have coward the toughest man.  "You're mom know you're here?"

I gulped.  "I'll visit her, I promise."  She looked at me.  "I promise,
aunty."

Happy with that, she hugged me again.  "Remember to come by.  Oh and
bring your friend."

I had forgotten about James, he sat there, looking at our little family
reunion.  "Whoops.  James, this is my Aunt Diana, Aunty Diana, this is a
friend of mine."

She just smiled and she greeted James with a hug.  Looking at me, she
laughed, saying "Friend, yeah.  Come on Alex, no lie.  We all know why
you left.  We don't care.  Just bring him around, have the family meet
him."  And with that she released James and turned away.

"Bye, Aunty."

Turning, she warned me "Call your mother, Alex, or you going wish you
neva been born."

I smiled and turned to James, still looking shocked that he was just
manhandled by a woman he just met.  But he took it gracefully.

"Aunty, huh?"  He asked, mockingly.  "I never heard a grown man actually
use that word before."  I just glared at him as the waitress came and
gave us our bill.  Before I could grab it, James picked it up and gave
the girlhis credit card.  He smiled, knowing how much I hated that.
"Didn't know you had family here, Alex."

I looked at him, sheepishly.  The secret was out, I guess.  "Yeah, I
guess I forgot to mention that."

"How long did you live here?"  He didn't look angry at me keeping this
from him.  Just hurt that I hid so much of my past from him.

"Through high school.  I left the night before I was supposed to walk in
my graduation.  Never been back since."  The waitress came back,
thanking us as we got up.  Her arrival caused an awkward silence between
James and me.  We left the restaurant not looking at each other.

"Look, James, I'm sorry for not mentioning that I lived here.  I just
didn't want to get into my past right now."  I looked at him, half
smiling.  "It's a little hard to start a relationship off if it gets too
depressing, you know?"

He smiled back.  "Yeah, I know.  So, when do I get to meet your mom?"

I shook my head.  "I don't know, the next break?"  He nodded and we
started walking, something still hovering between us.  I was the first
to preach that trust was the foundation of a loving relationship; now I
had gone and pulled that foundation out from under us.  Four days.
We've been together for four days, and I may have just screwed
everything up.  I looked at the sidewalks, not paying attention to where
I was going.

"Alex, what's that?"  I heard James's voice and I looked up.  He was
looking at the Aloha Tower, and I smiled to myself.  The Aloha Tower.
That place held vibrant memories for me.

"That's the Aloha Tower.  Wanna go up?  You can see most of downtown
Honolulu and the bay area from the top."  He looked at me, excited.  I
laughed as he practically ran toward the tower.

It was a quick elevator ride to the top.  The observation deck had four
platforms, facing in different directions.  James ran through each one,
enthusiastically, trying to capture all the sights.  Finally, we arrived
at the southern platform.  During the day, you could see forever.  The
Pacific stretched out as far as you could see.  On the right, the
Wai'anae mountains soared over the valley.  At sunset, this spot could
be very romantic.  I knew from experience.  At night however, darkness
stretched for eternity.  The bright lights of the city didn't shine
here.  James started to race off to another ledge when he spotted me,
lost in my thoughts.

"Alex?"  he asked carefully.

I looked at him, a smile fading from my lips.  I scolded myself for
thinking of the past when I had him in the present.  Still, memories
didn't die easily.  Thoughts long forgotten can resurface in a second if
jarred by a sight or a smell.

"Sorry, I guess I got lost in the past for a while."

He moved closer, holding out his arms.  I gratefully climbed into them,
leaning against his strong body.  We just stood there for a moment,
gazing out into the darkness.

"Wanna share?"  James asked quietly.  I knew he wanted to know more
about me, he just didn't want to pry.  I loved him for that.  Perhaps it
was time to open up a little.  Too bad it was this memory that he was
going to here first.  I grimaced before answering him.

"I was a senior in high school when they opened this place back up to
the public.  My high school hiking club took a downtown Christmas trip
and we ended up here to eat dinner.  I wasn't hungry, so I started to
explore the tower, eventually coming up here.

"It was sunset and I was mesmerized by the moment."  I smiled to myself
and cleared my throat.  "I didn't even notice that one of my classmates
had come up on the platform with me.  I don't know what happened that
night.  I guess he had feelings for me that he kept hidden for a while.

"Anyway, he tapped me on the shoulder and when I turned around, he
kissed me.  At first I was so shocked I couldn't do anything, but after
that initial reaction, I started to enjoy it.  I tried going out with
girls before, and no spark, no chemistry.  But here, it just felt so
right.

We didn't say anything, just smiled at each other on the elevator ride
down.  And when we got to the bottom. . ."  I sighed.  James held me
closer, giving me confidence to continue the story.  "Well, the entire
hiking club had seen us, and they were waiting downstairs.  I felt like
a zoo animal on parade.  The constant jeering and taunting.  Randy, the
guy who kissed me just broke away from the crowd.  I was frozen to the
spot.  My best friends were there, taunting and ridiculing me along with
everyone else.

"It was during the christmas break, so I got a vacation from them.  When
I got back to school, though, well.  Someone took a picture of us, and
Randy and I were the new joke of the school.  I mean, this was the early
90s.  No one ever came out in high school.  No one.

"After a while, my mom found out and I got dragged to church every
evening to pray for my soul.  It didn't matter to me, though.  I had no
life anymore.  No friends, no one to talk to.  Randy was gone.  Military
school.  All I wanted to do was finish high school and get the hell out
of there.  And I did.  I was valedictorian of my class, and was supposed
to make a speech at graduation.  The day before, though, I realized that
I didn't want to do it.  Not because I was afraid of the taunts.  Five
months of that would numb anyone.  I just wanted that life to end and my
new life to begin.  So I bought a last minute flight to the mainland and
never looked back `til now."

James squeezed me harder as I told my story.  I was glad that it came
pouring out.  I had never truly dealt with my past.  It was kept locked
up in a box with no key.  And James came by with a crowbar.  Oh well.
It was hurtful to relive the memories, but I felt better about it.  I
wiped my eyes free of the tears and looked at him.

The love in his eyes was evident.  They shimmered with tears, and I was
touched.  Surely this meant something.  This had to be love.  Right?

Unfortunately, all moments must end.  I could have stayed there forever,
letting him hold on to me.  I leaned into him, my eyes closed.  I felt
him draw closer as well.  I was intent on making this the most
passionate kiss ever, one that would make me forget once and for all the
kiss ten years ago on this very spot.  Fate did not allow that, however.

"Lance, could I have your autograph?"  A child's voice broke through the
hypnotic moment between us.  James shoved me out of his embrace and I
ran into the railing.  I looked back and noticed a little girl, probably
9 or 10, with an N Sync poster in her arms.  I noticed that James had a
platinum blonde look in it.  With spiky hair.  I started to giggle when
James shot a warning look at me.  He had suddenly transformed from the
person I knew and was beginning to love into Lance, member of N Sync.

He was having a little conversation with the girl, something about how
she loved him and when was the next album coming out.  I don't know, I
tuned them out.  I went over to the edge and gazed at the area around
us.  Couples dotted the landscape, holding hands, feeding each other,
making out, arguing.  I felt a tear form in my eye.  Why can't we be
those people.

I felt James's hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off.  I looked at
him, and he stepped back, the grin on his face falling when he noticed
my crying.

"I'm sorry about that, Alex.  I just can't. . . You know that."

I began to nod my head.  Yeah I knew that.  I knew that his image was
the most important thing to him, much like my books were to me.  He
couldn't let anything jeopardized that.  Especially not something like
love.  It was funny; that's why I turned him away the first time.  I
wanted to avoid feeling like this.  And yet, here I was, feeling very
much alone.

He tried to lighten the mood.  "Hey, why don't we get out of hear, rent
a couple of movies, get plastered."  He stood aside from the doorway,
guiding me through like a gentleman would, but he didn't touch me,
didn't try to hold my hand or steal a kiss.

I sighed inwardly as I heard my voice say "Why not.  It'll be fun going
to work hung over tomorrow and seeing Steven's face."  I tried to put
the moment behind me.  This was reality for us.  I had to learn to
except that.  He began to laugh and say something about the way Steven
and I fought all the time.  I didn't hear him.  I just went through the
motions of pretending to listen.  As we rode the elevator down, my
thoughts kept repeating everything that just happened, playing it over
and over again like a movie.

`No wonder why there's so many depressing love songs out there,' I
thought to myself.  `Who knew that love could hurt so much.'

To Be Continued.