Date: Tue, 13 Mar 2001 16:42:12 EST
From: MrClean290@aol.com
Subject: Mama

Title: Mama ( companion to A Song for Mama)
Series: Everyday I Love You More
Author: Elisheva
Date: 3/12/01
Pairing: Justin/Josh
Rating: PG13-R for language.
Disclaimer:  I do not know these wonderful men.  Wish I did.  But I don't.
This is just c/o my wonderful imagination.  This is real people boy boy
love so if you don't like that sorta thing, don't read!
Feedback:  Feedback is a wonderful thing.  I love it.  You love it.  Share
the love y'all!
MrClean290@aol.com OR BritsChick1@hotmail.com
Song: Mama by Spice Girls


MAMA 1b/1

		She used to be my only enemy and never let me be free
		Catching me in places that I knew I shouldn't be
		Every other day I crossed the line I didn't mean to be so bad
		I never thought you would become the friend I never had


	" Karen, hello, how are you?"
	" I'm good Justin, is Josh there?"
	" He's sleeping."
	" I see.  Well, tell him I called alright?"
	" Is everything alright?"
	" No, I don't think so."
	" I can wake him up."
	" Can you?  Thanks."

I put Karen on hold as I turn to shake Josh from slumber.  He whimpered
slightly and turned over.  I laughed as I rubbed his back.  Making circles
with my pointer finger on the small of his back, motioning for him to wake.
I saw him smile as he opened his eyes.

	" So it really wasn't a dream?"
	" Of course not."
	" What's wrong?"
	" Nothing, at least I don't know.  Your mom is on the phone."

I handed him the phone and all other sounds seemed to disappear, as all I
heard was his soulful soothing voice.

	" Hey Mom, what's up?"
	" Josh, you know I love you don't you?"
	" Of course."
	" But, there are some things that even a mother won't tolerate."
	" Mom?"
	" Lynn called me."
	" She what?"
	" She called me, and she told me.  I don't understand that woman
sometimes.  She's completely fine with it.  But no.  I have to find out
from my son's LOVER'S mother that he's gay!  Do you have any idea how that
makes me feel?"
	" Mom, Mom, wait, we were gonna tell you?"
	" When?  Before you burn in hell I suppose?"
	" Mother!"
	" You should have told me Josh."
	" Mom, I'm sorry, this just happened, please Mom, don't be mad."
	" Don't be mad?  Did you honestly think I was going to alright
about this?  And Lord help you if your father finds out from anyone other
than you!"

I watch Josh as the tears fall from his eyes.  He is on the verge of sobs
and as much as I want to tear the phone away from his ear and tell his
mother how wonderful her son is, but how horrible she is being, I know I
can't.  This is his battle and he needs to fight it.

		Back then I didn't know why
		Why you were misunderstood
		So now I see through your eyes
		All that you did was love

	" Mom!  Fine, I'll come home, I'll tell Dad, no, please don't!
Mommy, please, please don't tell him."
	" I am ashamed of you Josh.  There's nothing else to say."
	" Please, Mommy, I'll come home, and we'll sit down and talk.  You
love Justin, you already consider him your son-."
	" Don't you dare pull that blasphemous bullshit with me young man!
You will never be welcomed in this house again, and certainly not with that
plaything of yours."
	" Mommy, Mommy, please, I'm sorry, I won't do it again."
	" Maybe you should come home, we'll fix this Josh."
	" Okay Mommy, I'll leave, I'll come home."

Josh hung up the phone and he lowered his head to his knees.  His body
shook with sobs.  I reached over and gently touched his shoulder.  He
jumped at the touch and bolted off the bed.

	" Don't touch me!  Don't ever touch me!  This is your fault!  Your
FAULT!"
	" Josh?  What's wrong?"
	" You, you perverted me with this, this infatuation, but now, not
again, never again!"
	" Josh, you don't mean that."
	" Don't touch me.  I'm going home, now, don't touch me!

I didn't know what to say to him.

	" You lying bastard!  You told my mother you would love me forever.
That you wanted to marry me.  I was going to choose you, You, over my
family!  How could you?!?"

I didn't even know what I was thinking as I spit in his face and ran down
the stairs and out of the house.  I sped off in the Benz and didn't look
back.  I drove until the tears blocked my vision.  I didn't know where the
auto-pilot in me took me, but I parked and stumbled up the stairs.  I rang
the doorbell constantly until the door was opened.  I fell into waiting
arms.

	" Jesus!  Justin, what happened?"

Her voice, I knew that voice.  But I couldn't see anything out of the red
puffy hazes that were my eyes.  I held on to her as she walked me to the
living room.

	" Sit, Justy, my God, what happened?"

		Mama, I love you.
		Mama, I care
		Mama, I love you .
		Mama, my friend.
		You're my friend

	" He's a bastard.  A fucking asshole.  I hope you ROT IN HELL
JOSHUA SCOTT CHASEZ!"
	" What?  Justin, stop yelling and flailing, please tell me what
happened."
	" He took it back!  He said he loved me, and we were in love, and
he took it back!"
	" Wait, what, how?"
	" His mother called, I would choose him, I was gonna choose HIM,
and he chose them, and told me it was my fault."
	" What was your fault sweetie?"
	" That he was gay."

I couldn't stop crying, I don't even think Britney understood half of the
words that came out of my mouth.  But it didn't matter.  She held me in her
arms and rocked me until the tears dried and my mouth went dry.

	I didn't want to hear it then but I'm not ashamed to say it now
	Every little thing you said and did was right for me
	I had a lot of time to think about, about the way I used to be
	Never had a sense of my responsibility

She ran her fingers down my arms and played with my hair and talked to me
about endless stuff to calm me down.

	" This isn't your fault babe.  I'm sure he didn't even mean it.  I
mean how could he?  He's loved you forever.  Even before he realized it.  I
know this.  Trust me.  I know it hurts, but you gotta get hurt to get
healed, and your heart will heal.  It has to."

		Back then I didn't know why
		Why you were misunderstood
		So now I see through your eyes,
		All that you did was love

	" Brit?"
	" Yeah."
	" Thank you."
	" Anytime.  You want me to go home with you?"
	" No, this is something I have to do alone."
	" Okay, well call me if you need me."
	" I will.  I love you, you know?"
	" I know, I love you too."

I splashed water on my face in the bathroom before closing the door gently
and heading to the car.  I drove back at a medium pace.  I turned up the
stereo and sang all the way home.  I turned into the driveway and saw a car
that was not mine, nor was it Josh's.  I stepped out of my car and walked
up the steps to the door.  I could hear yelling coming from inside.

		Mama, I love you.
		Mama, I care
		Mama, I love you.
		Mama ,my friend.
		You're my friend

	" How could you do this to me!  I chose you over him and now I've
lost the best thing to come into my life and now you want me to leave NSYNC
as well?"
	" Yes, I do.  Obviously, this isn't a healthy environment for you.
I'm your mother Josh, I should know what's good for you."
	" Are you our of your mind?  I'm 24 years old!  Jesus Christ, I can
take care of myself, or better yet, Justin can take care of me, how do like
that tidbit Mother?"
	" Don't take that tone with me!  And don't you dare mention his
name again!"
	" Whose name?  Justin?  Justin Randall?  Justin Randall Timberlake?
His name Mommy?"
	" Josh, I thought we had settled this!"
	" Well you know what, I take it back.  I take it all back.  All I
want right now is the MAN I love.  But you know what Mom, he's gone."
	" As well he should be."
	" As well he what?!?  He is my life, and you can't stand that."
	" I am leaving tonight, for home.  If you're not by my side, you're
out of the family."
	" Bullshit Mother.  You can hate me, Dad can hate me, but I know
for a fact that my brother and sister will support me.  You wanna lose them
too?"
	" Do what you do Josh, but I'm being serious."

		But now I'm sure I know why,
		Why you were misunderstood
		So now I see through your eyes
		All I can give you is love is love

	" How can you say that this is out of love?"
	" This, this loving men thing you do, it's a phase, all children go
through phases."
	" I'm not a child mother!"
	" You're my child!  You always will be and all I want to do is
protect you!"
	" You can't protect me forever.  I have to venture out on my own
someday.  And that day is today.  Like it or not Mom, I'm gay.  I'm gay and
in love.  I'm gay and in love with my best friend.  I'm gay, and in love
with Justin."
	" This isn't over Josh."
	" I know."

		Mama I love you.
		Mama, I care
		Mama, I love you.
		Mama, my friend,
		You're my friend

Karen ran past me in a fury of tears and anger.  I'd never seen her so
upset.  But I guess its not everyday your son tells you he's gay and in
love with one of his band mates is it?

I suddenly didn't know how to move my feet.  I watched Josh slump to the
floor.  He grasped at the couch pillows and pushed his head into them.  He
cried.  He cried that kind of cry that makes you nauseous when you are
choked up on the tears.  I watched him scream and rant and pound the floor.
I watched his hands bleed from pounding too hard.

	" I hate you!  You stupid woman.  How can you love me and then
throw me away because of one tiny mistake."

Mistake?

	" I shouldn't have told him I loved him.  I take it back.  Make it
go back to normal.  When we hugged, but not too close.  When we kissed, on
cheeks so red.  When our fingers intertwined, as we bowed at the end of
shows.  Just take it all back!  Is that what you want Mom!  For me to hurt?
Well you fished your wish, I AM!  I hate you, I hate you!  I hate him, I
hate him.  I hate him for loving me.  I hate him for making me love him
back.  I hate, hate, love him."

		Mama, I love you,
		Mama, I care
		Mama, I love you,
		Mama, my friend,
		You're my friend

My feet found movement again.  I covered Josh with a blanket as he fell
asleep on the floor.  It's a good thing I cried over at Brit's, other wise
I'd be crying too.  But frankly, I don't really know how I'm supposed to
feel right now.  Betrayed?  Hurt?  Murderous?  Kidding.

It's hard to know what's right, what the next step is.  I dim the lights
and turn the radio on.  I try to think normal.  I grab a coke and watch as
the sky darkens and begins to rain.  So symbolic.  Cloudy days turn to
rainy nights.  Stormy skies turn to stormy nights when I can't sleep unless
he sleeps with me.  What do I do now?

		Mama, I love you,
		Mama, I care
		Mama, I love you,
		Mama, my friend,
		You're my friend
		(Mama, Spice Girls)
~~~~~~~~
I hope yall understand why I chose this song.
Anyway, thanks for reading yall!
Drop me a line if you have time
~Elisheva~