Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 22:31:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chris Engelke <christopher_bass@yahoo.com>
Subject: Everything I Own, part 11

Everything I Own

By Chris Engelke

First of all, I wanted to say a HUGE Thank You to those of you who wrote to
me after I posted the last chapter.  It makes me happy that I decided to
continue to write this story.  Thanks to Keif, Ray, SmnthMt, Nik-Nik, and
especially Super Dave.  I'm glad you guys and everyone else are enjoying
the story.  I, like a lot of fellow boy-band story authors, put a lot of
myself into the main character of the story.

DISCLAIMER: Please don't read if you are under the age of 18, 21, or
whatever the age of consent is where you are living.  Do not read if you
are homophobic (if you are, then why the HELL are you here?) or if you
can't stand the thought that a member of this much beloved band could
possibly be gay.

Unfortunately, I do not know any member of *N Sync personally (if you are
reading this, Lance, please e me!), therefore I do not know for sure if any
of them are gay, bi, straight, or whatever.  Yes, I have my suspicions
about a couple of them, but I don't know for sure.  Nothing that happens in
this story actually happened in real life. Well, except for a lot of the
stuff that happens to Mark.  Again, a lot of the things with him come from
my real life.

Enjoy the story, and e-mail me if you like the story, hate it, or whatever.
My e-mail address is: christopher_bass@yahoo.com .

One last note before the story continues.  I made a minor change to the end
of the last chapter when Travis calls Lance.  You will notice the change
immediately.

**********************************************

Last time we visited the land of "Everything I Own":

Travis handed the gun to Susan. "He was going to use this. Please call for
an ambulance and don't call the cops. I'm scared of what he would do if
that happened. Get rid of this gun!"

"I only want him to get better. Are you going to call him?" Susan asked,
emphasizing the word "him".

"I have to. It's all my fault he got this bad!"

"It's not your fault the nurse you hired walked out with no notice
yesterday."

"I know, but..." Travis started to say.

"But nothing. Call Lance."

"OK." Travis went to a phone and called Lance's cell phone.

"Hello? Lance's phone."

**********************************************

And now, Chapter 11 of my story:

The ambulance took Mark to the hospital. On his way driving to the
hospital, Travis knew he had to call Lance and let him know what was going
on.

"Lance's phone." Joey said when he answered Lance's phone. Lance was with
Fatima, trying to get the new choreography down as they practiced for their
tour.

"Joey, this is Travis. I need to speak with Lance. It's important."

"He's being abused by Fatima right now." Joey joked.

"Look, Joe. Don't take this the wrong way, but I said I need to talk to
Lance now." Travis said very sternly.

"It's Mark, isn't it?  Something's wrong.  He's not..."  Joey started to
say, but abruptly stopped because he couldn't say the word "dead" in
association with Mark.

"He has taken a big turn for the worse.  Please get Lance for me."

"Hold on a sec.  I'll go get him."  Joey said with fear in his voice.  He
ran with the phone over to where Lance and Fatima were.

Lance and Fatima saw the look of sheer panic on Joey's face.  "Joey, what's
wrong?"  Fatima asked.

"Scoop, Travis is on the phone."  Joey replied.

Lance's face turned white in a half a second.  He tried calming himself
down by thinking that things couldn't be as bad as he was feeling.

Fatima didn't know who Travis was or that Lance and Mark were in love.
"Who is Travis?  Have you finally met a guy, Lance?"

"Yes, and no, Fatima." Joey answered for Lance.  "He met a guy, but it's
not Travis.  He's only a friend.  The guy he..."

"Look, can we play 'It's Your Life' a little later?  Just give me the damn
phone!"  Lance bellowed.

"James, don't you dare swear at me!"  Fatima yelled back.

Lance was getting even angrier at the delay.  "JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING
PHONE!" He yelled loud enough to raise the dead.  Joey meekly handed the
cell phone to Lance.  "Travis, it's Lance."  He said to Travis.  "What
happened?"

Travis explained to Lance how Mark had dreamt about their history as a
couple and went ballistic when he didn't see Lance by his side when he woke
up this morning.

By the end of Travis' story, Lance was bawling.  "I knew I shouldn't have
left! I should have stayed with him!"

Travis knew he had cried more because of Mark than for any other reason in
many years.  Because of that, he didn't want to lose control like that
again.  "Lance, it's not your fault! You have commitments you have to take
care of.  The only thing you did wrong was to leave him in my care!"

"Travis, it's not your fault either.  You didn't know that this would
happen. If you did, then you would have done anything and everything you
could to help him.  I know that and you know that.  You're a good friend to
him... to me, too."

Travis pulled into the hospital parking lot and told Lance that he had to
go inside and would call him back once he found out anything about Mark.

Hours passed and yet Travis hadn't heard anything about Mark's condition.
At first, the nurses were basically ignoring him because he wasn't a
relative of Mark's.  Eventually, he found a compassionate nurse who was
willing to update him.

It was the middle of the night when someone finally came over to Travis.
"Travis Jacobson?"  Travis nodded his head.  "Travis, the doctors had some
concerns regarding Mark.  How long has he been sick before he was brought
here?"

"It was a little over a week and a half ago.  It seemed to come along all
of a sudden."  Travis responded.

"Oh.  The doctors thought it was at least a month."

"A month?  Is he that sick?"  Travis was very concerned for his friend.

"His life isn't in danger.  It's just exhaustion.  It appears that he
hasn't slept in a very long time."

"But he'll be OK...right?"  Travis asked

"Yes.  He just needs to get a lot of rest.  Overall, he'll be here for a
couple of weeks.  After that, he'll need to take it easy for awhile."

"Will he be able to travel after that?"

"Yes, but not too much.  Does he have a vacation coming up?"

"No.  He's really close with a band that is about to tour.  I know he'll
want to go."

The nurse expressed her concerns about Mark doing a lot of travelling.
Travis agreed with her, but he knew that Mark wouldn't listen to either of
them.  He would go with his boyfriend on the bulk of the tour.

As the nurse left, Devon ran in and over to Travis.  "Excuse me... are you
Travis?"

Travis was confused.  He didn't know who this person was.  "Uh...yes...I
am.  Who are you?"

"I'm sorry!  My name is Devon.  I'm a friend of Mark's.  I need to warn you
about something.  A friend of mine found out about Mark being here.  He's
out parking the car.  I tried to get him not to come, but he wouldn't
listen."

"Why would you warn me about..." Travis realized who Devon was talking
about.  "No way! Not him!"

"Yes.  He's here."

"But..."

"I tried to stop him, but he really seems to feel bad about how he treated
Mark.  He wants to apologize to him."

Travis was pissed off.  "Apologize?  I would never let that prick anywhere
near Mark if he were totally healthy!  Mark can't handle a confrontation
like that now!"  He emphatically said.

"Please, Travis.  How can I convince you to let me see him?  How can I
prove how sorry I am?"  Joel said, as he came over to them.

"Get out of here, Joel! Don't you know how much you've hurt him already?"

"I know that.  I am so mad at myself for doing that.  I have my reasons why
I said and acted the way I did."

Devon was still mad at Joel and didn't want to her what he felt was just
excuses from him.  He asked Travis if Mark could have visitors.  "Go ahead
and see him, Devon."  Travis said.  "He'd be glad to see a friend."  He
emphasized the word "friend".  Devon thanked him and went towards Mark's
room.

Travis dragged Joel outside, as he knew that he would probably be yelling
at him.  Once outside, the yelling did start.  "So, what's your so-called
reason why you hurt a friend of mine so badly?" Travis asked.

"I'm jealous of him, all right? I'm totally jealous of him!"

"I can definitely see why you're so jealous of Mark!"  Travis said
sarcastically.  "He's basically been alone his whole life, never really
made many friends.  Romance for him was even worse!  All of his
relationships were disasters!  His last boyfriend beat him so savagely he
could have died.  Oh, yeah! I can see why you're so jealous!"

"Do you want to know why I am so fucking jealous?  I have worked very hard
for years trying to get my big break, but nothing has happened so far.
Mark wins some fucking contest and gets on Rosie O'Donnell's show!  He
sings a goddamn song on national TV, then is asked by *N Sync to sing
another song, this time with them!  I'm just waiting for someone to
discover him and give him a big contract or something!"

"Are you so fucking selfish that you can't be thrilled for him?  We both
know how supportive he has been to you, loving every single show you've
done since he first saw you.  He has such faith in your skills as an actor!
You could do no wrong to him!"

"I know that! I was and still am happy for him. It was just hard for me to
accept."  Joel griped.

Meanwhile, Devon entered Mark's room.  "Mark, are you awake?"  Devon meekly
asked.

"Yes, Devon.  Come in.  I can't believe you're here!"  Mark's mood picked
up dramatically when he saw Devon.

"Of course I'm here, Mark."  Devon answered.  "I have to be here.  My
friend is in the hospital!"

"Really?  Someone else you know is here?" Mark joked.

Devon laughed hard.  "No, you moron.  You're the friend I was talking
about."

Mark was very happy that Devon considered him a friend.  A lot of people
don't appreciate the meaning of the word "friend" as much as he did. Mark
never took that word lightly.

"I do need to warn you about something...well, someone."

What Mark greatly feared was coming true.  "Joel's here?"

"Yes.  He wants to apologize."

"No.  The only thing he wants to do is make me feel bad.  He thinks I tried
to off myself and wants me to finish the job!"

"You didn't try to kill yourself?" Devon asked.  He had heard from a friend
of his that Mark had, and now was very confused.

Mark explained what happened.  He didn't intentionally try to end his life.
He had been working extremely hard when he got sick.  At first he didn't
let anyone know he was sick.  He knew that he would end up being forced to
take sick days.  He didn't want to take any sick days.

"No sick days?  Why?  Do you love your job that much?"  Devon asked.

Mark laughed weakly.  "God, no!  I hate my job! There are some nice people
there.  That's basically why I stayed at that job for so long.  I won't be
going back there.  Well, I will to pick up my stuff and give Travis my
e-mail address. Other than that, I'll never be back."

"So, you're still going with Lance?"  Joel asked as he walked into the
room.

"Please, Joel." Mark begged. "I might be feeling a bit bitter, but I'm
still pretty weak."

"Five minutes...that's all I ask."  Joel pleaded.  Mark agreed to that.  "I
can't even start to say how sorry I am that I hurt you so much."  He
started to softly cry. "You were always supporting me in my acting, giving
me so much more confidence.  You've been a great friend to me, much better
than I ever was to you."

Joel's crying turned to bawling, at which time Mark joined in.  "You think
you were never a great friend to me?  It's the other way around! You
respond to that cheesy note of mine, you stayed in my life whenever I
freaked out and doubted that you liked me, which was way too fucking often.
You finally knocked some sense into me when you did that one show last
summer.  To top it all off, you could have easily bailed when I told you I
loved you.  You didn't do that, but in fact even kinda told me you loved
me, too."

"I just hope I haven't killed our friendship.  I hope that one day you will
be able to forgive me."  After saying that, Joel sighed heavily, turned
around, and started to leave.  Before he left, and without turning to face
Mark again, he said, "I do love you, Mark.  I love you more than you know."
He got to the door and opened it.

Devon gave a pleading look to Mark.  "I love you, too, Joel!"  Mark said.

A few tears fell down Joel's face.  "Thank you, Mark.  You don't know how
much that means to me."

"I'll need some time to forgive you, Joel.  I do love you, but you really
hurt me."

"I understand."

"When I do forgive you, I'll give you a call.  You have to understand that
I am in love with James and once I get better, I will be moving to Orlando
to be with him."

"OK.  I'll leave you alone.  I really am sorry.  I hope you can forgive me
one day."  He repeated as he left Mark's room.

"That was very nice of you.  I don't know if I could do the same."  Devon
told Mark.

"If it was anyone else for Joel or James, I'd never forgive them."  Mark
explained.  "They are a totally different story."

Devon asked Mark why it was only them that he could forgive for doing
something so horrid.  Mark told him that it still would be very hard to
forgive Joel, but that he was in a big way responsible for changing his
life so drastically.  "I'd probably be dead if he hadn't stuck by me when I
had so much baggage.  I know James will also forgive him.  I hope to think
I've changed his life for the positive, along with the rest of the guys'
lives."

"How have you changed them so much that they could forgive how cruel Joel
was to someone they apparently love so much?"

Mark was unresponsive to Devon.  He stared off into space, not moving a
muscle.  This scared Devon, who thought Mark was getting sicker again.
After about five minutes, Mark came back to his senses.

"Are you OK, Mark? You were out of it for quite awhile."  Devon asked,
concerned.

"Sorry about that.  I still get like that from time to time.  It just still
totally shocks me that Josh, Chris, Joe, and Justin love me that much. It
especially stuns me that James Lance Bass is in love with me!"  Mark was
practically glowing with happiness as he said that.  His energy seemed to
increase dramatically.

Two weeks passed since Mark's confrontation with Joel.  His health got
dramatically better.  However, he was having a very hard time recuperating
from his exhaustion.  He wanted to work, but knew that he had no job to go
to.  A week ago, he had called Susan and told her he was not coming back.
She knew that after he got better he would be joining Lance and was
genuinely happy for him.  She promised him that neither she nor Travis
would tell anyone about his romance with Lance.

Meanwhile, the guys of *N Sync were in Orlando on a brief break before
continuing their appearance schedule, promoting "No Strings Attached".  It
had been a grueling schedule, but it was something they all knew they had
to do.  They were all very proud of the CD and their performances of "Bye
Bye Bye" and "This I Promise You" had gone by wonderfully.  The guys were
very happy that "This I Promise You" made it on the CD.  Both Lance and
Mark had surprises for each other that had something to do with that song.

After speaking with Travis when Mark first got back into the hospital a
couple of weeks ago, he wanted to fly to Portland desperately to help take
care of Mark, but his management wouldn't allow him to take time off.
There was a good reason behind that.  Normally, he wouldn't have minded
someone taking a couple of days off, but these were not normal times.  The
CD was about to come out and some news that was about to come out that
could change the lives of everyone, especially Lance and Mark.

Johnny Wright set up an emergency group meeting, but refused to tell anyone
what he needed to talk to the guys about.

Lance was joking around with Justin, Joey, and JC when Chris came in with
Johnny.  They remaining guys were worried when they saw the serious look on
Chris' face.  Being the self-proclaimed comic of the group, Chris was
always trying to inject humor in every situation.  Sometimes his humor
would come at the worst possible times, but it was usually always welcome.

"What's wrong, Chris?" Joey asked.  "I don't like that look on your face."

Chris tried to add humor to lighten the mood.  "You don't like my face
anymore?  That means you love me for my mind?  God, that's scary!"

Johnny was both angry and frustrated at the events that led to this
meeting.  "Sit down and shut the fuck up, Christopher!"

Chris meekly sat down.  The guys were even more scared after seeing
Johnny's reaction.  Johnny felt bad about losing his composure.  "I'm
sorry, Chris.  You know what I have to say is pretty serious, but it's not
excuse to lose it like that."

"What's going on, Johnny?"  Lance asked, going into his business mode.

"Do you remember when Kevin and AJ were so rudely outed by the press?"

AJ and Kevin were on vacation during a break from their last tour.  They
were relaxing on what they thought was a deserted island.  Unfortunately,
someone from a tabloid paper knew about their vacation plans before they
left and followed them to the island.  Pictures of them being very intimate
ended up being published by the paper.  Even more explicit pictures landed
all over the internet.

The rest of the Backstreet Boys had not known that two of their bandmates
were dating.  For quite some time, there was a great amount of tension in
the group.

Howie had no problem with the situation as he was dating tennis superstar
Pete Sampras at the time, but didn't tell the rest of the guys about the
relationship, let alone his being bisexual.  He let them know only after
Pete broke up with him.

Brian was initially very angry at both Kevin and AJ.  At first they thought
it was because his cousin was gay and Brian was very religious.  However,
that was not true.  Brian was angry that Kevin couldn't come to him and
tell him that he and AJ were so deeply in love.

Nick was the person who had such a hard time with the fact that his two
friends were gay.  It was actually quite surprising to hear all of the
homophobic statements that came out of Nick's mouth. Naturally, those
comments angered and hurt both AJ and Kevin, but to hear those words coming
from the mouth of one of their best friends hurt them even deeper.

The group hasn't been the same since AJ and Kevin came out.  Brian and
Howie are both happy that their bandmates and friends found love, but
because of Nick's feelings, there was a lot of tension in the air.  There
was even talk of the group breaking up, but Brian convinced his cousin and
his cousin's lover to stay, that they were greatly loved and needed.
Nick's reaction was along the lines of, "I don't care. I just don't want
their faggy hands all over me."

Lance shuddered when he remembered what happened to Kevin and AJ.  "God,
how can I forget? I still hate Nick because of how he still treats them!"

With an intense fear in his eyes, JC asked the question that everyone was
thinking but too scared to ask.  "Which one of us is it?"

"I just hope it's not Lance."  Justin replied.

JC thought that Justin didn't mind it being anyone else and was angry.
"WHAT?  Are you saying you hope it's any of the rest of us?" he yelled.

"Fuck no!"  Justin replied.  "I don't want my mom to find out about us this
way!  I said what I did because if it's one of us four, we have our lover
to comfort us.  Lance doesn't.  Mark's in the hospital.  We all know how
Mark would react."

Johnny explained.  "You guys know Mark a lot better than I do personally.
He seems like a great guy in all of the meetings I had with him.  However,
I know it's up to Lance to decide what he's going to do now."

"Of course it's up to Lance if it is him that's about to be outed."  Justin
said.

Joey groaned loudly.  "And I have the rep of being stupid?  J, look at what
you both said."  Justin looked confused, and Joey sighed.

Lance knew who it was.  "It's me, isn't it, Johnny?"

Johnny's face saddened.  He didn't want any of his guys to go through what
he knew Lance was about to, but Lance was the last person he wanted to see
this happen to.  "I'm sorry, Lance, but yes.  It is you."

Upon hearing the confirmation form Johnny, Lance froze.  His face turned
white, even paler than he usually was.  Several minutes passed, yet Lance
didn't move a muscle.  Everyone tried to get Lance back to reality, but
failed.

Finally, Lance spoke, albeit very softly.  "I've lost him.  Because of the
fucking press, I've lost him!"

Chris hugged Lance tightly and tried to comfort him.  "Dude, you haven't
lost him.  You know he loves you with all of his heart."

Fighting tears, Lance replied, "Chris, we all know that he's going to feel
totally guilty that this has happened, even though it's not his fault.
He'll break up with me and never speak with me ever again in order to
protect y'all and me.  There is another scenario that I would definitely
not want to even think about."

Joey nodded his head.  "You think that because he is very weak emotionally
right now, that this could kill him or make him want to kill himself."

Lance screamed, "I said I didn't want to fucking think about it, Joe!"  He
immediately regretted yelling at Joey.  "I'm sorry, Joe.  I just can't
believe this is happening."

"No, Lance. I'm the one who should apologize.  What do we do now?  I think
a couple of us have got to go up to Portland.  If he doesn't know yet, we
need to be the ones who tell him."

"So, who's going?"  Chris asked.

"I'm going, of course."  Lance replied.

JC adamantly replied, "No, Lance.  It can't be you."  Lance couldn't accept
that and started a fight with JC.  "Lance, right now you can't be seen with
him until it's decided what's best to do at this point.  I'm his best
friend.  Well, the best friend he's not dating.  I'm definitely going.  I
think because of his warped sense of humor, Chris should come with me.
Mark's going to need that humor."

"OK.  That's settled."  Justin summarized.  "Joe and I will protect Lance
from reporters until he decides what to do."

"I already know what I want to do.  I need your approval and advice,
however."  Lance said.

"You're going to come out, aren't you?"  Johnny asked.

Lance told everyone that coming out is probably the best thing to do.
However, he knew that if any of his bandmates felt that if it would
jeopardize the future of the group that he wouldn't come out.  Even though
he wouldn't come out, he would most likely leave the group.

Everyone was stunned.  Lance would leave the group to be with Mark?  "You'd
be willing to leave the group?"  Justin asked.

"Of course I am.  I love you guys and I love singing, but if I have to
leave, I will."

"You're not going to leave, Lance.  Do you think the fans would really
reject any of us if they knew we were gay or bi?" Justin asked.

Lance started bawling hysterically.  "I know we have fabulous fans.  We
have the best fans.  However, don't you think that we'll lose fans?"

JC tried to comfort Lance.  "Scoop, I know I want as many people as
possible to like us and our music, but I don't want anyone who can't accept
us for who we are and who we love as fans!  Anyway, don't you think that
we'll gain fans because they will respect us for coming out and risking
everything we have for love?"

"I know that and it won't change my mind.  I'm going to come out, even
though I wish I didn't have to.  I just need to think about all of the
possibilities."  Lance said.

"Then we will be on your side.  We're all going to have to go through this
some time."  Joey said.  "We're brothers.  Brothers protect each other."

As usual, Chris tried to lighten the mood. "Well, we could all come out
now.  God, what would the fans think of that?"

Everyone laughed at that comment.  Everyone, but JC, that is.  He was in
deep thought until he said, "Should more than one of us come out?  Or would
that be too much?"

Justin was stunned that his lover wanted to come out.  "Honey, do you want
to come out also?  We really do need to talk if you want to."

JC and Justin decided that they would wait to discuss their possibly come
out.  Right now, they had to focus entirely on Lance and Mark.  They
decided that they would all fly up to see Mark.  Johnny was stubbornly
refusing Lance going, but knew there was no way to change Lance's mind.

The guys took a quick flight to Portland.  When their flight landed, it was
late at night.  They knew they wouldn't be able to visit Mark until the
next morning, so they found a nice hotel to spend the night.

The next morning, Mark was relaxing in his bed.  He was waiting for Travis
to return.  Travis was taking a paid vacation from work so he could help
take care of Mark.  Mark forced Travis to go home and get some sleep.

As he was waiting for Travis, Mark laid back in his bed and thought about
his past with Joel.  He was having a hard time trying to figure out whether
he could forgive him.  He was the person Mark felt was responsible for
changing his life.  He wouldn't be with Lance if it weren't for him.  Even
with all of that, Joel did hurt him.

In a strange twist of fate, just as Mark was thinking about him, Joel
barged into the room.  He was panting hard, as if he had bee running very
fast for a long time.

Mark was happy to see him, yet he wasn't ready to see him yet.  "Joel, what
are you doing here?  I know I'll probably end up forgiving you, but I need
time."

"I know you do, Mark.  I'm not here to pester you or anything."

"Then why are you here?"

"I thought you'd need a friend.  I thought by now you'd really by freaking
out.  I'm really surprised you are taking this so easy."

Mark was baffled.  He was totally confused by what Joel said.  "Uh...Joel
... what in the hell are you talking about?"

"You don't know?  You haven't seen 'The Enquirer'?"

Mark laughed hard.  "God, no!  I hate those things!  They are nothing but
lies.  I admit I glance at the cover when I am at the checkout at the
market and crack up at what they say.  Other than that, I never really
glance at those."

"I think you need to look at this one."  Joel said as he handed the paper
to Mark.  On the cover was the headline "BASS FISHING FOR MALE LOVER?" in
large print.  He flipped through the paper very quickly until he found the
article.  It had several pictures of Mark with the guys of *N Sync, but the
damaging one was the one where Mark and Lance were passionately kissing.
When he saw that picture, he screamed out a blood curdling "NO!!!"

Lance, JC, and Joey were out in the hall and heard Mark's scream.  They ran
into the room and saw Joel. Lance was extremely angry and looked like he
could kill him.  "What the fuck are you doing here?  You know he needs
time!  He needs to heal before he could even think about forgiving you!"

"Look, you stupid fucker!  You didn't even tell him about the Enquirer
article!  Didn't you think he had a right to know?"

Calmly, yet sternly, Mark replied to Joel, "Joel, please leave.  You aren't
helping things by yelling at him.  I really do appreciate your concern."

Angry and frustrated, Joel stormed out of the room.  Lance breathed a heavy
sigh of relief.  That relief was brief.

"So, James... When were you going to tell me about the article?  I really
am a lot better.  I am even hoping to be released soon.  Emotionally I'm a
lot stronger, too.  I can handle it."

"I know how strong you are.  I love that about you."  Lance retorted,
almost pleadingly.  "I just found out about that late yesterday. The five
of us flew here right away.  We knew that because we got in town so late
that we wouldn't be able to see you until this morning."

"Mark, I hope you know that Lance wouldn't hide this from you.  We all know
that this affects more than just him or the group.  I want you to know that
whatever you and Lance decide to do, that the rest of us are on your side.
I know I'm speaking for Joe, Chris, and Justin when I saw how happy I am
that Scoop here found someone so great.  You've become such an important
part of all of our lives so quickly.  We all love you very much."  JC said.

Mark beamed with happiness as he heard JC's words.  However, he lost his
composure when he heard the last few words.  Lance rushed to his side,
grabbing him in a tight hug.  "Baby, are you OK?  What can I do?"

"I've looked back on the last several months a lot, which you are pretty
much aware of.  I never thought I'd meet you guys.  Even with all of the
bad that has happened overall this time, I wouldn't change a thing.  God
knows the doctors and nurses here almost know me very well.  I was so
incredibly happy overall."

"Was?"  Lance fearfully asked.  "You're not happy anymore?"

"Yes and no. I'm still happy, but..."  Mark began to cry.  "But I don't
know if it's best for your career if I stayed in your life."

"I don't give a flying fuck about my career! If our fans can't take the
fact that I'm gay, then screw them! I want them to love our music and not
just because of our looks."

"What have you decided to do then? It sounds as if you want to confirm what
that rag said."  Mark said to Lance.

"Yes.  I want to come out.  I already have the guys' approval, but I needs
yours even more.  If you don't want me to come out, then I won't."

"Honey, it's totally up to you.  It's going to affect your career, not
mine."

Joey told Mark that it would affect his life greatly, more so than he
thought.  "You have to know how it's going to change your life. If you were
involved with a female celeb, it would still be huge.  However, you're
going to be big news.  There will be all sorts of interviews on radio, TV,
magazines, and newspapers.  Even if our CD doesn't sell that well, to be
known as the person who is dating a member of a boy band is huge."

Justin came into the room.  He heard what Joey was saying and continued on
that train of thought.  "Some of our fans won't be able to accept that we
all date men.  But it doesn't matter.  What matters is that the six of us
stay together as couples."

Chris continued.  "We all know you're a strong person, but you'll have to
be even stronger.  You're going to be big news for awhile.  Once you hit it
big in the music business, then the attention will start all over again."

Mark laughed hard for several moments. Finally stopping, he replied, "I'm
sorry.  That just was so funny.  Me hit it big? That's not going to
happen."

Chris started to express his disagreement, but JC stopped him.  "Don't
bother, Chris.  Mark's nowhere near good enough to be a success."

Mark knew that JC was trying to use reverse psychology to get him to agree
with them.  "It doesn't take talent necessarily. You guys are proof of
that."  He tried his hardest not to crack up laughing.

Lance noticed Mark's snickering and began to laugh hard. One by one,
everyone realized that Mark was joking and joined in the laughter.  Joey
was the last person to get the joke.

As he was still laughing, Chris said, "Honey, you FINALLY got the joke? You
need to get a little bit faster with these things!"

Joey was pissed off at Chris.  He had grown sick and tired of Chris making
jokes that he was stupid.  "Just shut the fuck up, Chris! I am so sick of
your jokes like that!" Joey stormed out of the room.

"Chris, you need to go after him and apologize."  Mark told Chris.

Chris couldn't see the fact that his jokes finally went too far.  "Why
should I?  Can't he see I don't mean anything I said?"

Mark wanted Chris to know what Joey felt like.  "Look. No talent hack! You
don't deserve to have Joe as a lover!  You are so fucking ugly that I can't
even stand to look at you! I know the guys made a huge mistake in saying
yes to sing with you! Anyone knows all you do is screech!"

Chris didn't know Mark was joking and was very hurt and what he heard.
"What the fuck! I thought we were friends, brothers even! How dare you
fucking treat me like that?"  Chris screamed.

"But I was just joking, Chris." Mark snickered.

"What?  This was all a joke?  None of that was even funny!"

"Chris, I do love you.  You are very talented and very sexy.  If I wasn't
already so deeply in love with James, I could very well be attracted to
you.  I just needed to make you realize what Joe feels when you insult him.
It hurts him even more because you are supposed to be his boyfriend!"

Lance was stunned by Mark's admission.  "What?"

"James, I said I'm deeply in love with you.  Nothing will ever change that.
We will always be together.  We'll grow old together.  I want us to get
married one day.  I'm just glad I didn't mention my dreams where the six of
us would be in this mass orgy!"  Mark was only half joking about an orgy
with all of his friends.

"You think you know someone."  Lance said.

"Come on, Scoopy. I know you still have feelings for Josh and would love to
be with him if I ever said I wanted a threesome with him."  Lance blushed
deeply.  "See, baby? I knew it."

Both JC and Justin's mouths were wide open in shock.  "Lance, are you still
in love with me?"  JC asked.

Lance stammered.  "I...uh...no...uh..."

"What James is trying to say is Justin, you have nothing to worry about.
Yes, he still has feelings for Josh and always will.  However. I am the
only man for him.  He loves me and we will always be together."

"It's OK of you want to sleep with JC.  Someday we could even have this
mass orgy.  We could even include Kevin and AJ."  Justin said.

Mark asked JC and Chris what they thought about having an orgy.  JC was
blushing because he knew he still had unresolved feelings for Lance.  Chris
stopped that conversation immediately because they needed to talk about
what Lance needed to do.

"Chris, we'll talk about it."  Mark said.  "You need to go after Joe and
apologize."

"Why should I?"  Chris replied.  It appeared as if Joey had a bigger
influence on Chris than anyone had thought.  Chris was totally clueless.

"Just get the hell out of here and talk to him!  I promise I won't come out
until the two of you are back here!" Lance said, frustrated.

"Whatever!"  Chris said as he stormed out of the room.

Mark didn't want to worry about Joey and Chris' relationship, although he
was the one who got them together.  He knew Lance had to be his first
priority. "So, you really want to come out, honey?"

"Yes, I want to.  Well, part of me does and part of me wishes I didn't have
to.  I know how obvious it was to a lot of our fans that I am gay.  They
will continue to believe I am, even if I would say that the rumors are
false."

"I really am sorry you have to go through this."  Mark whined.

"Mark, baby, it's not your fault.  I know you're wondering why this is
happening now with you rather than before.  I just think now is the time
for me to do it."  Lance replied.

Mark asked JC and Justin what the group's opinion was.  "We support you and
Lance in any way we can."  Justin said.

"What if you guys are asked what your sexuality is?"  Mark asked.

JC replied, "I think of the four of us, I'm the only one who could be gay."

"That's not entirely true, Josh."  Mark said.  The rest of the guys were
either shocked or scared, or both.  They looked at Mark with a questioning
look, waiting for a good explanation, hoping that it's not so obvious that
they are all gay or bi.  "I should remind you that my gaydar is near
perfect.  Mine is better than most people.  I had my suspicions that James
was gay, though I thought it was too good to be true.  You know that I
always knew that Josh was gay.  I know it had been said many times and is
still said in gossip columns that Justin was dating Britney Spears, but I
never believed it.  OK, part of me was hoping I was right.  I always did
like her first video, but based on what I have seen, heard, or read, I
don't like her.  I don't know exactly what it is, but...she just seems
so...so..."  He was unable to find the words he needed to finish that
thought.

Justin, however, was able to find the words needed.  "Stupid.  Britney is
stupid.  She's a vapid, stupid airhead."

Everyone laughed at his comment.  Lance was very appreciative at Justin's
attempt to make him laugh.  "Thanks for that, J.  I'm glad I was able to
forget my problems, even for a little bit."

"Scoop, are you totally sure that you want to do this?"  JC asked.

"I am totally sure."

Justin knew that there could still be roadblocks, mainly their management.
"What will you do if Johnny has a problem with your coming out?"

Without pause and with extreme conviction in his voice, Lance replied, "I'd
leave the group."

"WHAT?" Justin shouted.

"Who would be our Scoop if you weren't here?  Lansten, we need you."  JC
added.

Softly, Lance replied, "Josh, you could do it.  I need to be with Mark.  I
can't hide this anymore.  I want the world to know how much I love him."

"No!"  Mark yelled.  "James, I will not let you give up something you love
so much!"

"Honey, I would give up singing with the guys to be with you.  It's not
going to last forever.  Our love will last forever.  I've got Free Lance
and I can do all sorts of other things I can do.  When *N Sync's days are
over, I know I will still have the guys in my life. We are friends forever.
We are brothers forever."

"Let's cross that bridge when we have to." Justin said, hoping to change
Lance's mind.  "Johnny might not have a problem with this.  Call him,
Lance."

Lance was petrified to call Johnny.  He strongly felt that he would not
have a problem, but a small part of him feared he could never accept it and
he would have to leave *N Sync.  He called Johnny.

"Hello? This is Johnny."

"Johnny, this is Lance."  His voice was shaky.

Johnny knew what Lance's decision was.  He knew what it would be before the
guys flew to Portland.  "So, when do you want to have the press conference?
I may not like your decision, but I will respect and support it."

Lance breathed a heavy sigh of relief.  He was grateful he didn't have to
leave the group.  "I'm glad you feel that way.  You should know that I was
going to come out no matter what you said.  If I had to leave the group to
accomplish it, I would have."

"You really love Mark, don't you?" Johnny had been hearing about Mark ever
since the first say they met on Rosie's show.  He had some business
meetings with Mark, but didn't know him personally that well.

Lance looked at Mark with such an intense love.  It was the first time in
his life that he felt complete.  In all of his past relationships,
including JC, he felt that there was something missing.  He found what was
missing with Mark.  His heart was so full of love that it could burst at
any time.

"Yes, I love him very much!" Lance answered unabashedly.

"You got yourself a great guy! 'This I Promise You' is a great song.  It's
gonna be a bit hit for you guys.  We have it planned as the next single
after 'It's Gonna Be Me'.  The fans love it already."

"I'm still grateful we were able to put the song on the CD.  It's a very
special song to me, obviously.  You asked me if I loved Mark.  How could I
not?  He wrote the most beautiful song in the world especially for me!"

"When did you want the press conference?  I'll need a couple of days at
least to set it up."

"I need to speak with the guys first, but that sounds fine with me."  He
was still afraid of what would happen after the press conference.  "We'll
have to prepare Mark and see if he needs anything special."

"That reminds me.  I need to speak with Mark."

"I'll give him the phone."

"Thanks, Lance.  If you need anything at all, please let me know."

"Thanks again, Johnny...for everything."  He handed his phone to Mark.
"Honey, Johnny needs to speak with you."

"Thanks, love!"  Mark answered the phone.  "Hey, Johnny! What's up?"

"Hey, Mark! How are you holding up?"

"I don't know.  I was doing a lot better, but I don't know what to do now.
I'm really scared how the public will react to us."

"Are you against his coming out?"


TO BE CONTINUED

I'm sorry again for the delay.  You know what it's like to be extremely
busy. I promise to be better in the future.  Again, any comments to
christopher_bass@yahoo.com