Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 17:06:28 -0400 From: Kathrine Subject: For You, chapter six (gay/celebrities/boybands) Legal disclaimer: I'm not implying anything about the Backstreet Boys' sexuality or personal lifes, don't read if it's illegal for you to do so. This is fiction...yada yada yada. You heard it all before. Author's note: sorry for all the het-stuff in this chapter, that is what happens when you let your best friend talk you into using her as Brian's girlfriend! ;-) Thanks to all the people who e-mailed me about my story, I'll try to answer you all seperately. Thanks for the great feedback! My mail adress is storykath@operamail.com, all comments are welcome. Chapter six: Nick woke up slowly, the sun was shining in through the windows. He found himself covered by a blanket, making him feel warm and comfortable. Sleepily he reached out his hand to touch Kevin, but found only empty space beside him. -Oh baby, Nick sighed. -What I wouldn't give to have you here with me now... The bed didn't feel comfortable anymore, so he got up. The others was still downstairs, letting him take his time. Sitting on the egde of the bed, Nick tried to find something that made it worth while taking on the new day. Despair weighed on his mind, what he really wanted to do was to crawl up somewhere and just don't think anymore. The radio was playing, Nick had no idea what the station was. Not in the mood for music he got up to turn the stereo off. A new song was starting as he reached for the off-button. Wailing guitars, slowly building up the pace...then it all died down again. A bitter, almost growling voice started to sing, but still sweet, still melodic, making Nick hesitate his actions. I can't find your face in a thousand masqueraders You're hidden in the colours of a million other lost charaders In life's big parade I'm the loneliest spectator `Cause you're gone without a trace in a sea of faceless imitators I can't take another night Burning inside... Nick turned to look at the empty bed again, his heart felt like it was being ripped into pieces. His eyes were locked on the bed, it became the symbol of what he had lost...it finally sunk in...he might not see his love again. Not ever. He couldn't breath. Hell is living without your love Aint nothing without your Touch me Heaven would be like hell is living without you The lyrics got to the very core of Nick's heart, forcing out all the emotions he had been scared of. ...Nights get longer and colder I'm down begging to hold ya On my own and I feel like like hell Is living without you... Drained of all strength Nick fell to his knees in front of the bed, his hands clutching at the sheets. The pain was immense, he felt like his soul was being torn apart. After Kevin had become his, Nick couldn't understand he had been able to breathe...feel...love...smile, without him. And he couldn't see how he could ever do it again. As the tears made his eyes sting again, Nick let out a low, agonized howl of the pain he couldn't escape. Hell is living without your love Aint nothing without your Touch me Heaven would be like hell is living without you On my own and I feel like hell is living without you... If he didn't get his baby back, he had nothing left to stay in this world for. Brian was getting to his feet, regretting the loss of how it felt to have Ingrid in his arms. -I should call aunt Ann, he said, dragging his feet along. He was actually scared of making the phoncall, as if doing it made all of it true somehow. And he hated bring his aunt the pain of telling her that her youngest son was missing, that nobody knew what had happened to him. Number after number the phonenumber was dialed. The monotone beeps followed and then a warm voice. -It's Brian, aunt Ann, Brian said, trying to keep his voice from shivering. -No, something's very wrong, I'm afraid... It's Kevin...he is missing. With tears waiting for an excuse to start, Brian attempted to explain. He told Kevin's mother what they had been through the night before, and couldn't stop his own tears as he could hear her's start. He knew part of how she felt, but also knew that this had to be the most devastating news a mother could get. And there wasn't much he could do to ease her pain. Ingrid felt like she was eavesdropping even if she wasn't and decided to give Brian a bit of privacy while talking to his aunt. She saw a veranda-door and found herself at a large porch on the back of the house. There was a big green lawn in front of it, surrounded by heavy forest. Judging by the sound of it the thick forest was home for a number of different birds, the vast array of different chirping came from every corner. It was another bright day, the sun was shining down from the azur-blue sky. The house was too far away from the rest of the houses to hear anything but the busy birds and what sounded like crickets. Realising that Brian was almost done talking on the phone, Ingrid went back inside. Her eyes needed to adjust some after the strong sunlight and she blinked a little bit. Not bothering to close the door on her way in, her eyes fell on AJ and Howie, sharing a couch. Leaning back in one corner, Howie had his arms around AJ who was resting against his chest. AJ was cuddled up against his boyfriend, and Howie was lovingly stroking his neck. For Ingrid who was used to AJ being portrayed as the strong, independent one, it was easy to see where he got his strength. Howie might come across as shy and gentle, but under the sweet facade there was steel, and a heart of gold. Her thoughts were interrupted by Brian hanging up the phone. He sighed heavily, tears still in his blue eyes. To himself he knew that it had been the hardest phonecall he had ever been forced to make. He hoped desperately that he wouldn't have to make the one that would be worse. Rubbing away the tears on his cheeks Brian went back to the couch where he had been sitting before. -Come sit with me? he asked Ingrid before telling them what was happening. -Thanks, Brian said to Ingrid and took her hand before he continued. -She wanted to come down here, but she can't. Jerry's wife's soon due to deliever and aunt Ann is the only one there with her at the moment. Until Jerry returns, she has to stay. Lisa has had a difficult pregnancy, and the docs are afraid that the baby will come pre-maturely. A silence fell over the room. Seeing Brian's eyes overflow with tears, Ingrid pulled him close in a soothing hug. No words were needed, the touch was enough. AJ could feel Howie tightening his hold on him. He could hear Howie's heartbeat and feel every breath he took, laying like this always had a calming effect on him. -Without him I'm nothing. The words weren't new to AJ. Howie's love was the thing he relayed upon, the very foundation of his sanity and happiness. Brian managed to stop his tears, there were no time for them. He couldn't waste his time on them. Pulling away some, he looked into Ingrid's eyes. They were a different shade of blue than his own. They reminded him of the ocean on a stormy day, the clearest greyish blue. -How come you came into my life just when I needed you the most? he asked. -I can't tell you for sure, Ingrid answered, gently stroking the tears away from his cheeks, -but I would like to think it was destiny. Her words made Brian think a little. -Yeah, he then said. He let himself get lost in the depths of her eyes, her soul. The different feelings fought over control in Brian. From the darkest despair and worry over Kevin, to the utter bliss over finally being connected to his soulmate. The sensations had him balancing on a thin line, the slightest imbalance would have him falling head first into either one. Taking hold of Ingrid's hand, he knew it was the means to get him through this. Ingrid threw a quick glance over to the other couch, AJ and Howie had fallen asleep in each other's arms. AJ was curled up against Howie, who even in deep sleep was holding him tight. Nick didn't seem to have woken up yet, she hoped he would sleep for at least another hour. He needed his rest. God only knew they all needed their strength now. She returned her eyes to Brian's face. It was strange, yet so right; this feeling. For only a short while ago she had been just..her, on vacation, hoping for something exciting to happen. Suddenly she was in the middle of more action than she wanted. And in love. In love like for the first time. Very much in love. And he loved her back. They hadn't even shared a kiss yet, but they were already each other's. -What are you thinking about? Brian asked softly, still holding her hand. -Life, Ingrid answered, -and love... -Where the one is, the other one is also, Brian answered. They were sitting facing each other. Brian had now both of Ingrid's hands in his. Ingrid felt shy all of a sudden and looked down on her hands in Brian's. The sight made her smile a little. Dreams really came through sometimes...only problem was that they sometimes backfired too. She had found her love, Nick had lost his. -God couldn't be this cruel, Brian thought. -He couldn't let Kevin and Nick find each other and then take Kevin away from Nick, from them all. To let Brian find the love of his life. The scales of life and love had to give room for more. If only everything was perfect. Better, at least. He didn't ask for his life to be carefree and forever happy, but Brian needed the people he cared the most for to be happy. Ingrid watched Brian's eyes cloud over in worry and fear. Wishing she could ease those emotions, she whispered: -It's going to be allright. We will find Kevin, we will get him back. Then this will seem like a bad dream, it will be reduced to just a bad memory. -You're right, Brian said. -I have to believe you're right. We can't loose hope. They looked in each other's eyes. Just a simple action, described into the ridicolous. But it was still mighty. When Brian leaned closer, Ingrid closed her eyes, unconsciously parting her lips just a little. It took somewhere between a split-second and an eternity for Brian's lips to meet her's. Soft, lingering touch...warm, trembling touch...deep, erotic touch... They were still holding hands, playing with each other's fingers as they kissed. If someone had asked her, Ingrid couldn't tell exactly what she was feeling. Just that the sensations threathened to overwhelm her. This wasn't just a kiss, this was a connection. Heart to heart, soul to soul. Brian felt his heart racing. All his senses were in overload. He took in her sweet scent, heard her breathe, felt her lips on his...her hands in his, tasted her for the first time, saw broken images as he opened his eyes once in a while...afraid to miss a single second, a single heartbeat. The whole world disappeared. A small sound made them break apart. Shyly Ingrid turned her face away. Something that had Brian thinking of Lady in Disney's Lady And The Tramp, after their first, unexpected kiss. The sound came from AJ, it was low, nearly a whimper. Even how soft it was, it woke Howie. -It's OK, baby, he whispered, stroking AJ's back. -I'm here, nothing's gonna happen. You're safe. Howie hadn't noticed Brian and Ingrid looking at them. AJ woke up. -Howie? he asked in thin voice. -I'm here, Howie assured him. -I was dreaming...AJ sounded nearly confused. -Yes, Howie answered, -you were having a bad dream. But it's over now. On to the nightmare in the real world, Howie thought, feeling AJ snuggle up just a little closer to him. -AJ shouldn't have to deal with them both. How much time Nick had spent curled up beside the bed, he didn't know. He couldn't even cry anymore. All that was left was the pain, slowly eating away at him. -No news were good news, he tried to tell himself. Kevin was OK, at least until proven otherwise. It was just that he needed him there with him so desperately. Maybe they were each other's total opposites, that nobody would ever think they could match, let alone be good for each other. But Kevin and him completed each other, complimented each other in a almost supernatural way. If there ever was such a thing as perfect love... -I love you, Kevin, Nick thought. Not knowing that not so far away Kevin was replying him with his own declaration of love. -I love you, Nicky. So close and yet so far away...