Date: Sat, 12 Feb 2000 16:17:58 MST From: DJs Tale Subject: Forever 33-36 Well, I was writing a little on 'Forever' this morning, and I realized that I'd passed 300 pages already. 300 pages in my Word source file, anyway ;-) So, I thought I'd 'celebrate' with my one or two faithful readers and post another section a little sooner than normal. Hope y'all like it. Disclaimer ---------- The story contained here is entirely in the (possibly unbalanced) mind of its author. As much as I might like to bear Kevin's children (which would be nothing short of a miracle), I have no idea if he or any of the other BSB is actually gay. If they are, and they read this, they should certainly exercise their right to free speech and e-mail me to complain all about it. Readers should enjoy the fantasy, but remember that reality may be (and probably is) dramatically different. Don't read this little tale of love if you're too young where you live. Don't read this little tale of love if it's illegal where you live. If either of those two things applies to where you live, I recommend that you MOVE!!! And now...'Forever'... Chapter 33 I spent as much of the next week as possible with Lindsay. I needed her support, her guidance. The announcement of Kev's `engagement' bothered me a lot more than I let on to him, not only because of the fact that he was bi, but also for the fact that I knew that I'd...that WE'D never be able to announce our own wedding plans that way. I knew when I started dating a Backstreet Boy, when I started dating Kevin, that I'd have to keep our relationship a secret from nearly everyone. The fact is that, even with the more exposed-to-the- world philosophies of your average teenager these days, if Kev was suddenly removed from the `date-able pool' for being gay, then a lot of his fans would turn away from him. I thought I'd accepted this, that I'd accepted the circumstances of our life together. Now, I was being confronted with one of the negatives of that life. It was kind of a slap in the face. I knew that it was possible, and even likely, that we'd eventually be able to have some kind of commitment ceremony, that Kev would be able to come out enough that we could become a couple in front of our friends, at least. I should've been happy with that, but somehow I wasn't. I guess I was just...jealous. Kari, whether just a friend or not, was able to publicly proclaim her `love' for Kevin. She was able to stand up to friend and family and say "I'm with him, and he's with me." I was being forced to stand behind the man I love while he told everyone around him that he was in love with someone else. While I knew that Kev loved me, it was still damn difficult to swallow. I started to avoid Kevin a little over the next week. When he called, I was distracted, subdued. I'm sure he noticed, but he never pressed me about it. He just told me about his day, asked me about mine, told me he loved me, then hung up. There were a couple of nights that I didn't answer when he called. One of those nights, I'd made the mistake of watching MTV news again. Apparently, someone had managed to get a picture of Kevin with his fiance. It had been taken that day. I'm not sure how she ended up with him on the tour, but there it was. And they were `deliriously happy' as they kissed in front of the camera. If anyone had ever told me that I'd see a picture of my boyfriend kissing someone else, anyone else, like that and didn't just kill him, I'd have told them they were full of it. While I wasn't an insanely jealous and possessive type, there were certain things that I didn't share. My lover was one of `em. "Lindsay, I'm not sure if I can do this," I said one night. We were sitting on her patio, just enjoying the still coolness of the evening. It had been just over two weeks since I'd left Kev & the guys, and just over one week since Kev's `engagement' had been announced. Thankfully, Lindsay knew that now wasn't the time for humor. I needed her more serious nature at the moment. I needed her help. I hadn't spoken to Kevin for three days now. The last time had been the night before I saw the picture. And that had only been a quick `I love you' in the middle of the night. I knew I was breaking my promise to him. I had promised that I wouldn't pull away, that we would talk things out. But, this time there was nothing to talk about. His career made changing this situation impossible. I really didn't know what to say to him, and I knew it would only make him feel worse if he knew how much this was hurting me. So, like a coward, I just avoided it by avoiding him. "Dylan, you knew going into this what you were getting into, sweetie," she replied back. One thing that I always enjoyed about Lindsay was the fact that she never pulled her punches. She always told it straight. "I know, Lindsay, but I had no idea how hard this would really be," I told her. "I have to sit here everyday and watch him announcing to the world that he's in love with someone else. It's bad enough that I have to be kept secret, like our relationship is dirty somehow. But to have to watch him laughing and hugging and kissing someone else." I trailed off. "I know it's hard for you, Dylan. But what do you want to do about it?" she asked. "Do you want to leave him?" I think I surprised her when I actually had to stop and think about it. "I don't know, Linds. And that scares the hell out of me," I whispered into the night. "Two weeks ago, I would've said `hell no'. Living without Kevin would be like trying to live without oxygen. But, can I keep this up? Can I constantly lie to everyone I know about this, about him, about us? What's worse, can I stand to keep watching him with her?" "Lindsay, what happens when the time actually comes around for a wedding?" "Is Kevin actually planning on going through with a wedding?" she asked, incredulous. "I don't honestly know. We haven't talked about it at all since it happened. I haven't even talked to him since Saturday," I told her. "Why not?" "The news on Sunday had a picture of Kevin and Kari, that's `the other woman' by the way, kissing. And it didn't look like either one of them was exactly unhappy," I sighed. I decided to voice another of my fears. "Lindsay, he's bi. What if he decides he wants that life? What if he chooses the standard wife and kids and home over the life he'd get with me? I'm so scared of losing him to something I have absolutely no way of fighting against. A family, being able to be seen in public without being worried for your career or you future." "Does Kev know how you feel about this?" she asked. "About him being bi? Yeah, a little. We talked about it the first night I found out about Kari. I didn't know he was bi before that. But, I kinda let him think that I was more ok with it than I really am," I said. "Dylan, you ass!" she exclaimed. I was a little surprised at her...vehemence. "What? What'd I do?" "I'll tell you what you did. You've been lying to him. And you've been holding back, pulling away from him. You can't do that if you expect this thing to work," she was nearly shouting at me. I was lucky there was nothing she could throw at me within reaching distance. "Relationships, especially long distance ones, have to be based on honesty, on trust. Kev has to know that you'll be honest with him when he's not around, just like you have to know the same from him." "Dylan, have you ever considered how hard this is on Kevin? You have to watch it. He has to live it. Not only does he have to lie to everyone about who he's in love with, but he also has to live with how this is hurting you. You know that he's gotta know how this is affecting you. You haven't spoken to him in three days! And, I'd lay money down that you also weren't all that talkative when you were speaking to him, were you?" She always managed to hit it right on the head. Or me right on the head, as the case may be. I just nodded. I was a little ashamed to admit that she was right. That I'd been avoiding talking to him because I didn't know what to say. And that I'd probably been hurting him because of it. "Dammit," I stood, pacing her patio, "this would be so much easier if he were here. If I could at least curl up next to him at night, if I could have his arms around me. It wouldn't be near as bad having to see him on the news with her if he was in bed with me at the end of the day," I said. I couldn't manage to keep the whiny tone out of my voice. "Dylan, get over it," she scolded me. "You have a choice here. You either leave him and make a clean break for both of you, or you accept the fact that this is how his world works. And you TRUST HIM. He's said he loves you. He's said that he won't leave you, even for a woman given the choice. And you're still being paranoid. That alone is gonna kill your relationship with him." Like I said, she could always be counted on to say it straight. I thought for a moment, but I knew what I had to do. "Lindsay, I need to go. I have to call him, straighten this out. If I can't be with him, I at least need him to know how I feel, and that I'm sorry," I stated, my voice a little desperate. She just nodded and tilted her head for the door. I ran out of the house and got in my car. I'm probably lucky as hell that I didn't get picked up. And that I didn't kill anyone along the way. I was driving the Grand Prix like I was at Daytona. When I got home, it was past 11:00. I dug through the papers on my desk, trying to find their schedule. It wasn't there. I checked the kitchen and dining room. Not there either. My apartment was beginning to look like I'd let loose a tornado in there. Finally, I remembered that it was in the bedroom, on the table next to my bed. I picked up the phone, grabbing the paper and finding their current hotel. They didn't have a show that night. I just hoped, and even prayed a little, that he'd be there. I got through, and after some performing for the desk clerk, got transferred to Kev's room. "Hello?" he answered. He didn't sound that good. "Kev, I love you," I blurted out. "Dylan?" he asked. "Who else would call and say `I love you' like that?" I asked, a hint of humor sneaking into my voice. "I'm just surprised, I guess. I hadn't heard from you in a while." his voice faded. "Kev, I'm so sorry. I saw a picture of you and Kari on the news and it just freaked me out and I didn't want to lay this all on you cause I knew it would just make it harder on you but I pulled away and made it harder on you anyway but Linds made me see what an ass I was being and," I rambled on for a bit before he interrupted me. "Dylan! Calm down, baby," he said. "It's ok. I understand." "Kev, I was so wrong to do this," I started again, more calm this time. "I just...I freaked. Up til now, I hadn't really been so...forcefully confronted with what your career really meant to our relationship. Having to see you with her, having to watch you looking happy with her, having to lie to everyone about you and I. I just let it get to me too much. I'm sorry," I said. I was nearly in tears. "Shhhh, D, it's ok. Baby, I know it's hard on you. It's hard on me, too. I'll be home in a few days. Please, just hold out until then. We'll be together, and we'll work all of this out. I promise." "Ok, Kev," I agreed. Just a few more days. "When are you flying in?" "Well, we're not. The last show's on Saturday night. We're getting on the bus right after it's done and heading down that way. We won't be back until late Sunday," he said, almost sounding apologetic. "Oh. Ok. Will I see you on Sunday?" I asked hopefully. "I don't know, sweetie. Maybe we should plan for Monday, instead. We're gonna have a lot of stuff to get done on Sunday, and we won't be back until really late." "I understand. Can you come here on Monday? I have to work, ya know. No vacation, yet," I said with a little smile. "Yeah, count on it. I'll be there." "Good. Listen, I'd better go. I just wanted to call and apologize, and tell you that I love you. Very much," I said. "I love you, too. Get some rest. Talk to you tomorrow?" he asked a little hesitantly. "I'd love to. Gimme a call when you have a free second," I replied. "G'night, love." "G'night, D," he replied. And then he was gone. Chapter 34 A loud bang brought me out of a sound sleep. I lay there in the dark, wondering if it had actually happened or if it had just been in my dream. Then it came again. There was someone at the front door. I glanced over at the clock on the dresser. It was just after 3:00am. Who the hell would be here at this hour? I tried to remember if Lindsay was working tonight or not. Once in a while, Lindsay had...a bad night. A particularly brutal crime victim or an unusual problem with a patient. When that happened, she usually came over here when she had a break and talked it out. I didn't really mind too much. She was there for me when I needed her, so I would always be there for her. The knock sounded again, this time a bit louder. I figured I'd better get up and answer it before the neighbors woke up and got pissed about it. I grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Kev was due back in tomorrow. I could hardly wait. Now I really was counting the time, and not just for Lindsay anymore. Even though I wouldn't see him until the next day, he would be `home'. He just seemed closer, somehow, more available. We weren't together, but I knew we could be in the space of an hour or two. I slid down the stairs, coming to the door. I checked the peephole, just to be sure, but I couldn't see her. It wasn't too unusual. If I forgot to change the light bulb, which I usually did for a few days, it was almost impossible to see who was standing on the porch. I carefully opened the door. And saw the most beautiful, if slightly tired, green eyes that I'd ever seen. "Kevin?!?!" I exclaimed. "Surprise, sweetie," he said, his voice tired. I quickly pulled him inside and shut the door. I was in his arms a second later. "Oh, Kev," was all I could get out. "Oh, I missed you SO much!" "I missed you, too, D," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He hugged me tightly as I squeezed back. It felt so good just to hold him. I took in everything I could. His scent, his touch, how he felt under my hands. Everything. He seemed pretty tired. Actually, when I thought about it, he was probably exhausted. To get here when he did, he would've had to've caught a plane right after the show. I know shows took a lot out of him, and sleeping on a plane isn't usually very comfortable. We stood there, I don't know for how long, just holding each other. Eventually, I pulled back. He needed sleep, and I needed to hold him. "Come on, hon. Let's go to bed," I said, taking his hand to lead him upstairs. He nodded, his eyes barely slits in his face. He just kinda stumbled behind me. I walked him into my room and over to the bed. I stripped his clothes off of him. I wanted to take the time to savor it a little more, but I knew we'd have time later for that. I pushed him down on the bed, then quickly took off my boxers and shirt. I slipped in next to him, wrapping my arms around him. He snuggled up next to me, resting his head just above my shoulder. His breath whispered against my neck as he laid his arm across my chest and his legs within mine. I think he was already asleep by then. "I love you, Kev. Welcome home," I said softly, reaching over to stroke his face. He surprised me by answering. "Mmmmmm, love you, too, D," and then he was passed out. I lay there while he slept, just savoring the feel of him next to me. I couldn't believe I'd ever considered leaving him, especially over something that he couldn't control. None of that mattered. Not Kari, not the Firm's plans to pawn her off as his fiance. None of it. The only thing that mattered was Kev and I. As sappy as it was, that was my last thought as I joined him in sleep. When I woke up, Kevin was nearly on top of me. His head was still on the pillow next to mine, his mouth resting just away from my neck. His chest was on mine, his legs intertwined with mine. He felt so good on top of me. I slowly started to stroke his back, lightly running my hand up and down his spine. I felt a tremor go through him. He shifted a little, moving more on top of me and squeezing his arms against my sides. It felt...nice. I kept stroking his back. A few seconds later, he shifted again, this time pressing his hips into me. He was obviously enjoying his dream. Whatever it was. I felt his lips press into my neck. "Mmmmmmm, mornin', baby," he said softly. I loved his voice in the morning. That cute Kentucky accent of his was even stronger when he'd just woken up. "Hey, sweetie, how're ya doin'?" I asked. I felt him flex his hips again. "Pretty good," he replied with a laugh in his voice. His head was still on my shoulder, his mouth against my neck. "How'd you sleep?" I asked. "Perfect," he sighed. "You were here, and that made it `home'. How'd ya like the surprise?" I squeezed him to me a little. "It was great, Kev. How'd you pull it off? I thought you weren't supposed to be back to Orlando even until tonight." "Well," he began, "I've been fighting with management a lot the last two weeks. Ever since they decided to announce that about Kari. It bugged the hell outta me that they were making me feel ashamed of our relationship. I decided after we talked the other day that I'd been away from you too long, and told them they'd better arrange to get me back right after the show. Otherwise, I'd have to make my own plans, which probably meant I'd have to leave before the show." "They were actually putting up a pretty good fight. I didn't think that they'd do it, until Bri and the other guys raised some hell, too. Said they'd all be sick for the show if management didn't do something to get us all home," he continued. "All the guys stepped in?" I asked. I was a little surprised that they'd do that for us. "Yes, D, all the guys," he said with a smile. "They knew how bad I wanted to get back. And they were anxious themselves. Since we couldn't get a commercial flight into Tampa that late, management even rented us a private plane." "Cool. A private plane, huh? Did it say `Backstreet Boys' on the side?" I joked, referring to their `I Want It That Way' video. He obviously caught the reference. "No, dear, it didn't say `Backstreet Boys' on it," he said, pausing. "It said `NSync'," he added with a chuckle. "Oh, stealing the plane from the competition, huh?" I asked, tickling his side a little. "Oh, you know it, man! Besides, we're all one big `Jive Records' family, remember?" We both laughed. "Did the guys head back to Orlando, Kev?" "No. We got in too late, and we forgot to arrange some transportation for `em, so they spent the night at a hotel and." he faded out. "Yes?" I asked, figuring he was going to ask me something. "Well, I thought we could drive the guys up to Orlando today," he said, a bit hesitantly. "Sure," I said, "that sounds fine. Only two problems." "What?" "Well, I drive a sports car, remember? The Grand Prix isn't exactly made for four passengers in the back seat. I know you guys are close, but I don't think the others would enjoy being THAT close," I said with a little smirk. "Hell, I forgot what kinda car you drive," he paused, thinking. "Well, we can rent a car, I guess. Shouldn't be a big deal. What's the other problem?" "I need to come back today. I have to work tomorrow, remember?" "Don't you mean `we' need to come back today?" "Well, I didn't wanna speak for you, dear," I said back. But, I was thrilled that he'd decided to come back. "What time are we supposed to pick up the guys?" "I told `em we'd be there around 10:00." "Well, then you'd better get that hot naked butt outta bed, stud. It's already 9:15," I pointed to the clock on the dresser. "Damn," he said. "I was hoping for a little more time with you in bed," he ground his hips into mine. "Mmmmm, someone's feelin' a little frisky, huh?" I said, pushing back into him, too. "And we're gonna be late if you don't get in the shower," I laughed at him. He sighed. "Ok. Ok. I give up," he said. He leaned in and kissed my neck, letting his tongue slip out against my skin. A shiver ran up my spine. "You wanna join me in the shower?" "Oh, baby, nothing would make me happier," I sighed, squeezing my hands against his back. "But, if we do, I guarantee the guys will NEVER get to Orlando today," I chuckled at him. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He slid off of me, moving to the edge of the bed. I grabbed his arm. "Aren't you forgetting something?" I asked. From the questioning look on his face, I figured he had no clue what I was talking about. I decided I'd give him a hands-on lesson. I wrapped a hand behind his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. I slid my tongue between his lips, driving it into his mouth as deep as I could get it. His tongue moved up against mine, pushing it back as he slid his into my mouth. We traded back and forth for a few moments as the passion rose between us. I finally pulled away, and both of us were out of breath. "Good morning," I panted. He just stared at me for a moment. I could see the heat in his eyes. The seconds ticked by before he finally said anything. "Screw the guys," he said as he moved back, pushing me down and putting his mouth to mine. He kicked the blankets off of me and slid his body on top of mine again. It had been two weeks since we'd been together, and two weeks since I'd had any kind of release. Having Kevin in my arms was enough alone to get me excited. Hell, having Kevin in the same time zone could usually get me excited. Having him kiss me with this much fire nearly put me over the edge. He pushed his hips into mine, grinding our hard shafts against one another. The feel of his cock on mine was incredibly erotic, and totally hot. He continued to kiss me, running his tongue deep into my mouth. I could feel his movements getting faster. As sad as it seemed, I hoped it meant that he was getting close, cause I was already near the point of no return. It amazed me how...well, HORNY he could make me with just a touch. And then it hit me. I groaned into his mouth as my body tensed, then I felt the surge through me as I shot between our bodies. My nerves were on fire. I could feel him all over my body where he touched me. I felt like I'd been branded along the entire front of my body. A moment later, I felt him stiffen on top of me as his load joined mine, pooled between our bodies, gluing us together. It seemed...right somehow. His movements slowed down, and the frenzied passion cooled a little. He slid his mouth off of mine and kissed down my cheek. When his lips reached my ear, I felt a shudder pass through me. He'd found my biggest weak spot. I think he figured that out by the chuckle he let out and the fact that his tongue licked around the edge of my ear. I groaned underneath him, wrapping my arms and legs tightly around him, holding him to me. "Good morning back," he said. It took me a second for my mind to start functioning again and catch on to what he meant. When I did, I chuckled. "I definitely need to hire you out as my alarm clock. I guarantee NO morning DJ has ever gotten me awake like that," I said, still chuckling at him. He thought that was pretty funny. He buried his face in my neck and just lay there. "Oh, D, I'll wake you up like this as often as possible, ok?" he mumbled. "Deal," I said. "Now, we really need to get going, babe." "Yeah, you're right. Especially since we both need a shower pretty bad, now," was his reply. "Well, since we put out the fire, for a minute, anyway, we could probably give each other a hand cleaning up," I said. He just nodded as he slid off of me. Chapter 35 We actually managed to get through the shower without too much delay, although we did both get a little excited. Come on. Kevin Richardson, naked and dripping wet. You'd get excited, too. We were only 20 minutes late picking up the guys. We'd taken a cab over to a car rental place before heading to the guys' hotel. We got one of those monster SUV's, the kind that gets about two miles per gallon if you really babied it. What the hell. Kevin could afford the gas, I guess. When we pulled up to the hotel, I volunteered to go get the guys. I figured they'd probably be ready since we were late. Sure enough, they were sitting off to one side, apparently trying not to be noticed. I never really figured how four guys in baseball hats and sunglasses could go totally unnoticed sitting inside a fairly dark hotel lobby. Must've just been me, I guess. It obviously worked for them. I gave Nick a hug. It was good to see him again. I reminded him that we were up for a diving trip, although I had to tell him that I'd neglected to get my certification redone. He just shrugged at that. There was time, now that they were back. I turned to Brian, shaking his hand. He looked pretty good, although a little run down. There were some black marks under his eyes. I guess he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Howie shook my hand, too. We exchanged a few pleasantries. Nothing very exciting. I decided then and there that I really needed to get to know him better. He was the one Boy that I hadn't really had a chance to know much. AJ leaned in and gave me a hug. I returned it lightly, glad to see that he was coming back out of his shell. He'd always seemed so fun-loving. It bothered me to see how quiet he'd become while I was with the guys. I hoped this meant he was getting along ok with Kev, too. In the...excitement of Kev's visit, I'd forgotten to ask him how things were going with AJ. We hauled everything out to the land barge and got it loaded. Nick tried to hop in the front next to Kevin. Yeah, fat chance. I physically hauled his butt right outta the seat and jumped in myself, locking the door before he had a chance to react. The look on his face was priceless. I guess he didn't expect such a...physical response to his lame attempt at humor. We got on the road, sliding up to 70 when we hit I-4. We had to slow down for some construction right on the edge of Tampa, but other than that, we made good time to Orlando. It was actually a pretty fun trip. Brian and Nick took the middle seats, with Howie and AJ bringing up the rear. I wondered if Kev had always been the odd man out or if it was just cause of me. Nick and Brian were in pretty good form, laughing and screwing around. I could tell that they were excited to be getting home. I didn't blame `em. The long road trips would get pretty old pretty fast, I guess. AJ thought it would be funny to serenade me, in a horribly off- key voice, with some `NSync when I mentioned to him that I liked their music as well. I figured it was probably a good thing that no one was around to hear it. Nick was kind enough to turn around and slap him for me. I, of course, had to give AJ a dose of shit for actually knowing the words to `NSync's songs. I guess he was a closet fan. We dropped the guys off at their respective houses. I promised Nick that I'd call him in the next few days. The guys all had two weeks to kill before they had to make any appearances. Work would begin on their next album shortly after that. I gathered from what they said that they probably wouldn't see much of each other before they hooked back up. Family visits and all that stuff. We pulled into Kevin's house. I was impressed, to say the least. He lived in a fairly large place, although it wasn't a mansion or anything. About its best feature was the fact that it was in a gated community. It probably wouldn't stop anyone who was truly determined to get to him, but the average fan wouldn't bother to try getting in. It gave him a little extra privacy. "Wow," I said as we walked inside. "It's a bummer you live so far away. I could just move in here if the commute wasn't such a bitch," I joked. "Yeah, 90 miles one way would probably be a little much. Maybe you should just get a job in Orlando," he replied. I thought he was joking until I looked at his face. "Kev, you aren't serious, are you?" "Maybe..." was his only reply. I stopped to think about what to say. "Kev, you know I love you, but I can't just quit and move up here. I only started the job two months ago. For one thing, it'd look like shit to turn around and try to find a new job right away. For another, I'd have to pay them back for relocating me since I didn't stay for a year." "And besides, you're not here all the time, anyway. When you're here, we'll work at spending time together, either at your place or mine. But, as bad as it may sound, I don't want to spend all that time alone in a place that reminds me so much of you," my voice was barely a whisper when I finished. "I understand, D, I do. It was just wishful thinking, I guess," he said. "It almost seems like it's gonna be harder to do this with us back home. Now, we're only 90 miles away. But there'll still be times when we can't be together." "Yeah, true. But, there'll be a lot more times when we can be together. We can, at least, spend weekends together. And, I might be able to talk Anna into letting me work four-ten hour shifts and take three day weekends. Or even to work at home, so I can just stay at your place while you're working and do my own work," I offered up suggestions. "You're right. We'll work it out, I guess," he sighed, pausing before breaking out a grin, "I just wanna be able to wake up like we did this morning a whole LOT more times." I didn't blame him a bit. I wanted the same thing. Well, actually. "That's funny," I said, straightfaced. "I don't wanna wake up like that at all." He got a shocked look on his face. I walked over to him and kissed him, then whispered against his lips, "I wanna wake up and make love with you. I wanna put my lips in places they've never been on you before. I wanna feel you inside of me. I want the whole `cake', baby, not just that `frosting' we had this morning." I think I surprised him, as he just stood there for a second with an amazed look on his face. He got over it pretty quickly, though, as he wrapped me in his arms for another amazing kiss. He gave me the grand tour of the place once we'd recovered. Besides the usual living, dining room, etc., there were four extra bedrooms and a little den. He had a pool in the back, but no hot tub. I knew immediately that I'd have to con him into getting one if he decided to stay in this place for long. The hot tub we shared in Houston had given me a few ideas to try with him. He had a sort of music studio in the basement. It was more of a practice room than a studio. It didn't really have much in the way of recording equipment. Just a piano, drums, and some guitars. From the looks of it, the other guys occasionally gathered here to do some jammin', maybe to go over song ideas. It really was a nice place, although it would've been too big for me. He actually agreed on that. "The only reason I got one this big is for when the guys are here, or our families. Sometimes the guys come over for dinner or a jam or whatever, and they just stay overnight. Plus, with our families and stuff, visits tend to be a big affair. The extra room is handy." I could see that. Back when I still had a family, our gatherings tended to be the size of a small town. Mom had eight kids in her family, as did each of her parents. It was a common joke that our family reunions doubled the population of the town where my mother had been born, the family seat so to speak. And it wasn't too far from the truth. Kev gave his house the once-over as we were walking around. He just wanted to make sure everything was ok, I guess. The place was actually pretty sparsely furnished. You could tell he hadn't had much opportunity to really live there. Since the majority of the stuff he'd taken on the trip was still on the bus coming down from Canada, Kev also took a minute to pack up a bag with a few changes of clothes. I kinda smiled when I saw that he had more than one nights' things. I guess maybe he was gonna stay a while. Just before we left, Kev ran into the den to get something. When he came back, he held out his hand to give it to me. "What?" I asked as I reached out to take it. It looked like a garage door opener. "It's my spare controller for the gate. I want you to have it so you can come and go as you need to. And a spare key to the place. I'll give you the security code when we get back to your place so you can write it down," he said. "Thanks, Kev. I was gonna give you a key, too, but I wasn't sure if you'd think I was rushing things," I replied a little slowly. He looked right at me. "D, I know we've kinda had a fast start," he said, "given the circumstances, we've probably had to. But I DO love you, and I have no doubts about my feelings. If you want, we can slow down, otherwise, I don't really have a problem with how things're goin' with us," he said to reassure me. "Ok. I don't have a problem, either. As long as you don't start plannin' the wedding or nothin'," I said. He just nodded, kinda slowly accepting what I'd said. I had to throw in one more thing. "Yet." He broke into a smile at that. God, he could just light up a room with his smile. I never really understood what that phrase meant until I saw him smile. His eyes just sparkled, almost gave off a glow. He didn't smile like this all that often. He tended to be a rather serious guy. I guess that made the smiles he did share that much more special. "Ok. No pickin' out patterns just yet," he agreed, walking us out of the house before locking up. Kev hopped into his car. I climbed into the land barge. I followed him out of the security gate as we headed over to drop off the rental. We had the SUV dropped off within 20 minutes and were headed for the freeway again. We started the drive back to Tampa. It was already going on 4:00 by the time we left Orlando. We'd spent a lot of time bummin' around his house. I was looking forward to a quiet evening at home with Kevin. And, I smiled to myself, looking forward to finally taking my relationship with him just a little further. I took his hand in mine as we cruised for home. I should've known better than to expect a quiet night. Too many good things had happened in the last two days. It was time for `the other shoe to fall', and the universe was conspiring to make it happen. Chapter 36 We'd barely made it 15 minutes out of Orlando when Kev's cell began to ring. He reached into his pocket and picked it up. "Hello." I listened in on his one-sided conversation. "Hey, Bri, what's up?" "What?!? Where'd you hear that?" "No, I didn't check my messages when I went home." "Cause I forgot about it, ok?" He paused again, obviously listening to Brian. Then he sighed. "Ok. No, I'll call Allen and figure out what's goin' on. You better just go along with things until we hear differently." He started to slow down and pull to the side of the freeway. "Yeah, guess I'll see ya then. Bye, B," he said. He hit the end button just as he pulled the car to a stop. He turned over to talk to me. "Sweetie, can you drive for a second? I need to call one of our managers and try to work somethin' out." I didn't like where it felt like this was going. "Yeah, sure. What's up?" I tried to get him to tell me what was happening. "Hopefully nothing," he said as he climbed out of the car. I sighed, getting myself out as well. If he didn't want to tell me, then I knew it was bad. We quickly switched sides, and I started us on our way as he got back on the phone. "Yeah, Allen Baker, please. It's Kevin Richardson," he said in a crisp, authoritative tone. "Allen, it's Kevin." "Yeah, Brian just told me. What the hell's goin' on?" Kev seemed a little...irritated. "Shit, Allen, we just got home. Who's brilliant idea was this?" "I don't care what you thought. We've been workin' our asses off for you for over a year straight. We need a fuckin' break," his voice was firm and even, but I could tell he was about ready to strangle someone. For one thing, he didn't say `fuck' all that often. For another, he was just radiating anger. I could feel it along my body. "When did this get organized?" "Three days ago, huh? Isn't the timing a little convenient, Allen?" he had a tone of suspicion, or accusation, in his voice. "Fine," his disgust was evident. "I'm on my way to Tampa, so you'd better arrange for pickup there." "No, Allen, I'm not going back to Orlando. I've got some things with me. I was planning on staying with Dylan for a few days." I noticed a LONG pause after this. From the look on his face, Allen was sayin' a few things that were starting to make him pretty mad. And, I knew from the conversation so far that they were probably about me. "Well, get over it, Allen, cause that's the way it is. If you expect all five Backstreet Boys at this little thing, then you'd damn well better arrange to get me in Tampa. Otherwise, I'll be staying here, which I'm damn tempted to do anyway. Contract or not, you don't own us. And you have no right to spring something like this on us last minute when we're supposed to be getting' time off." "Fine. I'll be expectin' a call from Kendra, then." He hung up then without saying anything else, or waiting to give Allen a chance to reply. I sighed. "Where do ya have to go?" I asked before he could say anything. "New York. Allen arranged for an MTV appearance in the morning, and some kinda banquet thing tomorrow night," he said, sounding tired again. "I see," I paused. "What'd you mean about the timing being convenient?" I was curious. "Cause, it was about that time that I started telling management that they needed to fly me back here. It was right after you and I had that talk, and I knew it would be best if I got back soon so we could work it out," he filled me in. I saw what he meant. "You think that he did it on purpose? Like tryin' to keep you away from me?" I thought it was a little...silly, I guess. There were times when my life felt like it should be recorded and played as a `daytime drama'. At the rate I was going, I'd probably get pretty good ratings. I could even beat out Springer. "Maybe. I dunno. I guess I'm just a little pissed is all. Readin' too much into things," he replied. I just nodded. I didn't know his managers, so I really couldn't say one way or the other. It seemed suspicious to me, but the fact was I was just as pissed that he was leaving again. I wasn't exactly thinking objectively about everything. I reached over and offered him my hand. He didn't notice it at first. He was a little lost in thought. I slid my hand to his arm, lightly touching him and offering it again. He looked up and smiled at me before joining his hand to mine, locking our fingers together. We drove the rest of the way in silence. I guess we were both just thinkin' `what next?'. We'd just hit the I-4/I-75 interchange on the east edge of Tampa when his phone rang again. He answered it, still holding my hand. I got to eavesdrop on half of his conversation again. "Yeah," was his only response when answering. "Hey, Kendra, how are ya?" "Good. You got my flight info?" He listened for a moment, then looked at his watch. "Yeah, ok. Could you call the airline and let `em know I'm on the way? I doubt we'll need any security, but it doesn't hurt to have an escort. I'm cuttin' it kinda close," he said. My heart fell at that. I knew then that he was leaving soon. We were coming up on the exit for my place. I didn't bother pulling over. Kev glanced at me for a second when he realized what I was doing. He just nodded sadly at me. Kev hung up with Kendra then and called Brian. He filled him in on his flight info, and let him know that he'd join the guys in New York. He kept the call brief. We were just pulling into the airport when he finished with everything. I slid my hand out of his. I looked at him with a little smile to let him know that I wasn't mad. I just didn't want to navigate the airport without both hands. Especially driving his car. "Did you want to come in with me?" he asked. "I'd like to say goodbye, but are you sure it's a good idea?" I wondered, thinking of how I was gonna react to having to say goodbye so soon. "At this point, I honestly don't care. I'd like it if you came with me. My flight leaves in an hour, so we won't have much time to get into too much trouble," he said with a sad little smile. "Ok," I said, shifting us into the lane for parking. I quickly found a short-term spot and eased his car into it. "Did you want me to keep your car at my place?" I wondered. I wasn't sure if he'd have someone come pick it up and take it to Orlando. "Yeah, if you don't mind. I'll have management fly me back here when this whole stupid thing is done," he said. "When will you be back?" "I dunno. I'd guess day after tomorrow, but it's hard to say. This trip is already a screw up since we're supposed to be off right now. Who knows what else Allen is cooking up?" He was gettin' irritated again. I opened my door, figuring if we went inside, he'd forget about it for a moment. We walked into the terminal, keeping a respectable distance from each other. There was an airline official waiting for us. Apparently, they knew who he was, as she walked right up and offered her hand. "Good afternoon, sir. I hope you're doing well, today," she said. I cringed a little at that, as I knew he wasn't. Neither of us was. But, Kev was ever the polite Southern boy. "Yes, ma'am. I'm doing well. And you?" They made polite chitchat for a moment. I was gettin' impatient having to stand there. I think she sensed it from me, as she decided to move on. "Well, you're boarding on skyside C in about 20 minutes. The flight has already started general boarding, but we figured you'd want to be on last. Your manager thought it would cut down on the chance of you being recognized and bothered," she said. Well, I guess Allen, or Kendra probably, had done something right. I doubted that Kev was really in the mood for dealing with fans, although I knew that he'd do it with a smile and a kind word, anyway. The attendant continued on. "Did you want to wait at the gate or would you like to go to the VIP lounge?" "Let's hit the lounge for a few. I'd like a chance for a bit of privacy," he said in that polite, controlled tone of his. She just nodded and looked over at me. There was something in her eyes, something that told me she probably knew a little more about what was going on than she let on. I lifted an eyebrow at her, silently asking the question. She just smiled a little and nodded. For some reason, I trusted that she wouldn't do anything that would cause us a problem. She led us upstairs to the lounge. We lucked out when we got there. The place was empty, at least for a moment. Our little helper indicated she'd wait outside for a minute. I walked over to the window, which gave me a fine view of the runway. I'd always thought that airports were pretty cool, but man were they a pit in places. All that concrete and clutter next to the gates. But, they always seemed to function, for the most part, anyway. Kevin came up behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I tensed for a second, remembering that we were in public. He just ignored it and slipped his hands down to my waist. I gave in and leaned back against him as he held me tight and put his head on my shoulder. "D, I'm really sorry `bout this," he said softly into my ear. His breath sent a little shiver through me. "We just can't seem to get any time together." "Kev, it's not your fault. You have an obligation to your fans and your label. It might've taken a swift kick in the ass from Lindsay to make me see that," I smiled a little at remembering that, "but I do realize it. And I love you, even if you can't always be here." "Thanks for understanding, babe," he kissed my ear lightly. I just shrugged my shoulders a little. "There's nothing we can do about it. So, it's either get pissed about it and probably end up hurting you or making you feel guilty, or just accept that this is how it is at the moment and enjoy what time I can with you. I don't wanna hurt you anymore by bein' an idiot, so I'm takin' the high road," I said with a martyred expression on my face. He just chuckled a little bit. I was glad I'd gotten a smile, at least for a moment. A throat cleared behind us. I nearly jumped out of my skin, but Kev very calmly turned his head. I was stunned that he didn't take his arms from around me. Maybe he just figured it was too late since we'd already been seen. "I'm sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but it's time to go. The flight's getting ready to take off," our helper stated quietly. I was amazed at how calm she was. There was little or no expression on her face other than a smile of...sympathy? "We'll be right there, if you could give us a second," Kev said to her. She glanced at him a second before stepping back outside the door. "Kev, are you nuts? What if she says something?" I asked. "D, she won't. And even if she did, it doesn't matter. I'd deal with it," he said. I opened my mouth to say something else, but he decided I was done talking. He covered my mouth with his, giving me a gentle kiss. "I'll call you when I get settled tonight, ok?" he assured me. "Sounds good," I said. "I might not answer. I'll probably go freeway-cruisin' in that sweet car of yours," I joked, getting a chuckle out of him. I wasn't actually kidding too much. Well, I was about taking his car. I'd be too nervous about havin' a wreck or something. He drove a pretty nice BMW, and I didn't think I could even pay for a new tire on it, much less actual repairs. But, I probably would do a little cruise tonight. One of my favorite ways to ease stress was to hit the freeway, windows down, sunroof open, music blaring. I loved to cruise down through St. Pete and take the Skyway Bridge that spanned the entrance to the Bay. It was a beautiful sight, one that I hadn't seen at night, yet. I felt like some fast cruising at that moment. "Feel free to take it out for a spin. I'm fully insured," he smiled back at me. Hmmmm, maybe I would at that. "I'd better go. I love you, D, and I'll talk to you tonight," he said softly. "Bye, love. I'll see ya when I see ya, I guess," I said back. We hugged briefly for a moment, then he was gone. Again. I sighed. This was already getting old. But, it was his life, at least for now. And, as Lindsay said, I had to accept how it was if I wanted to stay with him. And I did want to stay with him. I stood there for a bit, looking out the window and watching the planes depart. I wondered which one he was on. The light from the sun was already fading. It still got dark pretty early these days, although it was staying later. A voice spoke up behind me. "Everything ok, sir?" It was the woman who'd brought us up here. "Yeah, everything's fine," I said. "It's hard, isn't it, when they leave?" She sure hit that right. I turned to look at her, tryin' to gauge just how much I really could trust her. Kev obviously thought it was ok based on his earlier behavior, but I was still leary of causing him trouble. "Yeah, it is," I decided to trust her, turning back to the window for a moment. "I understand. My husband's a pilot. It took me quite a while to get used to how often he was gone. Every time he left, it was tough. But, he always comes home." She smiled, trying to reassure me. I smiled back, although I think she guessed that I was faking it. I guessed I still had a ways to go before I reached her level of acceptance. I turned back to her. "Thanks for." I began, not sure what to say from there. She just smiled and nodded. I didn't continue. She knew what I meant, and for some reason, I got the feeling that Kev'd been right. We could trust her. I turned and headed out of the lounge, the attendant following me. I made my way back out to Kev's car and climbed in. I decided to just take his word and skip going home for my car. I hit the freeway, heading west and south across the causeway and towards St. Pete. About the only thing I wished I had was my Backstreet CD's. I could've used Kev's voice at that moment as I cruised out over the waters of the Bay. To be continued... ------------------ That's it for now. Hope everyone enjoyed it.