Date: Wed, 12 Apr 2000 23:06:03 -0400 From: DJ Subject: Forever 76-78 Disclaimer ---------- The story contained in these pages is totally in the mind of its author. All rumor and innuendo aside, I do NOT have any idea of the true orientations of any members of the Backstreet Boys. Yes, children, all wishful thinking aside, they're probably as straight as we all HATE to think of them. So, this is my little reminder that this is what we like to call FICTION. Readers should reality and fantasy are definitely (unfortunately ;-) two different things. Don't read this tawdry tale if you're too young. Don't read this tawdry tale if it's against the law. If it IS illegal where you live, you need to consider a relocation!!! And now...'Forever'... Chapter 76 "Come on, Lindsay, I need your help," I said into the phone. "Dylan, I'm sorry, but I can't. If I do that for you, I risk my job. And, if I get caught violating policy, there's a good chance I won't be able to get work again," she replied. I could tell she regretted having to turn me down, but I respected her reasons. "I understand," I sighed. "I won't bug you about it anymore." "Look, Dylan, I can't do it, but I'll get you in touch with one of the doctors on staff. I trust Dr. Hanson to be discreet. He can check your records for you," she told me. "I'll set up an appointment and call you back." I thanked her and hung up, sitting back in my chair. Another fine Monday morning. At least I got to stay at Kevin's for this one. Anna had given my work group the day off today as congratulations for a job well done. So, I was staying in Orlando until early tomorrow morning. It had occurred to me last night while I was lying in bed that the hospital in Tampa might've done an HIV screen when I was there. It was a pretty slim hope, but I wanted to check it anyway. Anything to avoid having to go to a clinic or wait for the results of a test. I had called Lindsay, hoping that she could dig through my medical files on the sly and tell me what they said. She told me that the hospital did normally do an HIV screen when surgery is involved, but that she couldn't go into my files without a doctor's authorization. I sighed. Kevin was in meetings again, planning a trip to LA with management. They were going to be leaving soon to do some studio work out there. Possibly by the end of the week. And I'd be alone again. As I was at the moment. I stood, making my way upstairs. I dug through Kevin's dresser. Well, my dresser, too, I guess. I pulled out my swimsuit, feeling like some time in the sun and water. I quickly changed my clothes and walked back downstairs. I swam for a while. I didn't really pay attention to the time, but I did laps long enough to tire myself out. Then, I did a few more. When I was done, I pulled myself from the pool and padded over to a chair. I lay out on my stomach, letting the hot summer sun heat my body. It felt good...relaxing. The ringing of the phone broke me from my near-slumber. I quickly jumped up and ran into the house. My still-wet feet nearly got me planted on my butt when I hit the slick tile in Kevin's kitchen. I regained my balance and grabbed the cordless from the counter. "Hello?" I answered. "Hey, Dylan, it's me," Lindsay's voice came through. "I got you an appointment for this afternoon. Can you be here by 2:00?" I thought it over for a moment. I hated to leave Kev early, but I really wanted to know if they had the results. "Yeah, I can be there." She gave me the doctor's office information and hung up. She was at work at the moment, so she didn't have a lot of time to talk. I held the phone, wondering if I should tell Kevin I was leaving. I knew he'd be upset if I just took off without telling him, but I was a little reluctant to interrupt him. I quickly dialed his cell phone number. "Hello?" he answered after several rings. I could hear people talking in the background, so I knew he was still in his meeting. "Hi, Kev," I greeted him. "Is this a bad time?" "Dylan? No, never. What's up?" he asked. "I need to take off for Tampa. Lindsay got me an appointment with one of the doctor's there to check my records. And to get the blood drawn for the...the HIV test if they don't have any results from my last stay there." "What time do you have to be there?" His voice was softer, quieter. "My appointment's at 2:00. I'll have to leave here in about half an hour," I told him. "Ok. I'll be home in twenty minutes," he said. I started to protest. "No, Kev, that's ok. You don't have to go with," I told him. "Don't be ridiculous, Dylan, of course I'll go. Brian and the other guys can fill in here," he said, his tone brooking no argument. "Fine," I gave in, "I'll wait for you here," I told him. "'kay. I'll be there in a few," he said. We hung up then, and I dropped into a chair, staring at the phone once more. Part of me felt guilty at taking him away from his meetings. But, the greater part of me was really glad that he'd decided to come along. I hopped in the shower, then, washing off the chlorine from the pool. I finished quickly, not bothering to do my usual twenty minutes. I got dressed and headed downstairs to wait for Kevin. "It's gonna be ok, Dylan," Kev said as he reached over to grab my hand. I didn't say anything, just squeezed his hand and held on. We were pulling off the freeway, heading towards the hospital in Tampa. Kev had decided to drive down himself. We'd both drive back to Orlando after the appointment, and I'd head back down here tomorrow morning. Kev found a parking spot, and we walked inside. I was reluctant to let go of his hand, and he didn't seem to feel a need to pull away, so I held on to him. I walked over towards the elevators, Kevin in behind me. "Hi, I have an appointment with Dr. Hanson at 2:00," I said to the nurse outside the doctor's office when we reached it. "Mr. Weston?" she asked, confirming my name. I nodded. "Dr. Hanson's already waiting for you. You can go right in." "Thanks," I said. I turned to look at Kevin, raising an eyebrow, wondering if he'd want to come in with me. He tilted his head at me, letting me know it was up to me. I just squeezed his hand tighter and walked into the doctor's office. "Now, I understand you needed me to check out your blood test results from your stay here in January?" the doctor said once Kevin and I had been settled. "Yeah. I recently," I paused, stumbling. Kevin gave my hand another squeeze. "I just found out that a former lover is HIV positive." "Oh, I see. And did you ever have unprotected sex with him?" "Um...yeah...once," I said softly. "I hope you're choosing to be safer these days," the doctor said, somewhat sternly. I froze, not able to respond. "We're always safe, doctor. And Dylan didn't choose to have unprotected sex with...with that man," Kevin spoke up for me. The doctor looked at me a moment, looking for something. He found it a moment later and nodded. He flipped open my records file, glancing through a few pages until he found what he was looking for. "Well, I'm sorry to tell you, Mr. Weston, but there's no results in here for an HIV screen. Apparently, the doctor at the time didn't order one done for you," he said. "But, if you'd like, we can have some blood drawn for you today. We can get the results to you in a week or so." "A week? Isn't there a way to get it sooner?" I asked. "Well, on an emergency basis, we can do the check here, but we can't guarantee anonymity if you do it here. And, given your and Mr. Richardson's rather public status, I'd imagine you'd prefer to be anonymous." I had to agree with that. The last thing I needed was for the public to get wind of this. "Ok, you're probably right," I told him. "I'll arrange to have Ms. Sailor draw the blood and such for you." He stood, shaking our hands and walking us out of the office. "I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, Mr. Weston." "It's ok, Dr. Hanson. I appreciate what help you can give." We waited outside the doctor's office until Lindsay showed up. She didn't hug me, or give any noticeable signs that she was my best friend. When on duty, Lindsay tended to be very professional, more reserved although still friendly. She led us to an examination room. Once we were inside, she gave me the hug she'd been holding back on. I returned it, glad for the contact. Kevin rubbed a hand up and down my back. I straightened a moment later. "Ok, enough mush. Let's get this over with. I know you've been dying to stick a needle in me for months," I cracked a joke with her. She chuckled. "You know it, baby," she replied. "It's moments like these that make my job worth it." She smiled. She made short order of drawing the blood from my arm. It felt like she took about a gallon, but it was only the usual test-tube's worth. I had to chuckle at Kevin. My super-strong Southern gentlemen had to turn his head when the blood started flowing into the tube. "Geez, Kev, squeamish a little?" "I can't help it, D. I'm not a big fan of blood," he replied, giving me a little smile back. I leaned over and gave him a little kiss. "I still love ya, ya big strong lug," I said. "Just remind me to be careful of getting a nose bleed around you." "Oh very funny. I'll give you a nose bleed," he said in a growling voice, just before he leaned in and kissed me back. "That's enough out of you two for now. Dylan, here's the information on your test. The results should be back in a week. Just bring in the number, and I can have them pulled for you," Lindsay said, slapping a band-aid on my arm. "Thanks, Linds. I appreciate it," I said. "What're friends for, DJ?" she asked. I groaned at her use of my nickname. "You've been hangin' around with Nick and AJ WAY too much lately!" I told her. She laughed at me. Kev and I said goodbye to Lindsay. I promised I'd call her later in the week. "Well, now I wait," I said once we were in the car. He turned to me. "Now WE wait, sweetie," he replied, leaning in to give me a peck on the cheek. I nodded before changing the subject. "When do you leave for LA, Kev?" I asked. That brought a concerned look to his face. "We fly out on Wednesday night," he said. My heart sank on hearing that I'd only have him near for two more days. I turned to gaze out at the passing scenery as Kevin started the drive back to Orlando. Chapter 77 I stood at the window, watching the plane pull away from the gate. Kevin was leaving tonight. If things went according to plan, they'd be gone at least six weeks. And I'd be alone without him that entire time. Between Michael's sudden reappearance and Kevin's impending disappearance, the last week had been pretty bad. I'd been hoping that Kev and I would be able to spend some time together. Alone. Making love. Being together. Enjoying one another. Building up for the long absence to come. That didn't happen. Kevin spent all of yesterday and today in meetings, not getting home until late at night. I had gone back to Tampa yesterday morning so I could work. And I'd only been able to get back tonight barely in time to say goodbye to the guys before their plane left. It wasn't exactly a stellar way to start a separation. But, I guess maybe there never really was a stellar way. I'd just have to live with the fact that he was gone, and hope that we got some time together on the phone to talk. I turned and walked away. His plane was out of sight, now, and there wasn't much point in hanging around the Orlando airport by myself. So, I made my way back out to the parking lot to my car. I thought about a lot of things on the drive back down to Tampa. About me and Kevin. About Michael. About everything going on in my life at the moment. It was enough to make a person a little nuts. I know it was starting to have that affect on me. I drove too fast on the trip across Florida. Fortunately, 9:00 on a Wednesday night isn't exactly a prime time for police, I guess, as I didn't get picked up on my way home. Given the way I was taking my frustrations at recent events out on the road, I probably would've been arrested. Lindsay was working tonight. Otherwise, I know I'd have headed over there. Last night had proven to me that I wasn't ready to be alone. Stan Reilly's face still haunted my dreams occasionally. And now Michael had returned there, also. And then there was Michael's little `gift' to me. Or, hopefully, only potential gift. HIV. Just thinking the letters sent a shiver down my spine. I'd been fortunate, probably, in that the disease had never touched anyone in my life. My segregation from the more urban areas of the country during the disease's initial spread probably had some affect on that. That and my later segregation from the gay community as a whole, I guess, helped limit my exposure. And now, it was possible that I had it myself. What was worse, it was possible, although unlikely, that I'd given it to the man I loved. We'd been safe, but from what I'd read and heard, no method of safety was foolproof unless you abstained. And Kevin and I definitely hadn't done that in the months since we'd begun a sexual relationship. I think what scared me most wasn't the dying. Dying was something I'd long ago come to terms with, whether it happened sooner or later in my life. The method of dying was definitely bad. The information I'd read about AIDS painted a dark picture. I think what scared me the most was losing Kevin. If I did have HIV, what would become of our relationship? Would we have to break up? Would I even want us to stay together? I'd long ago read a saying that a co-worker had hanging on her wall. It went something like: `I know God would only burden me with what he felt like I could handle. I only wish he didn't trust me so much.' It was exactly what I felt at that moment. It was what I'd felt a lot over the last few years. And, I know I wasn't alone in that feeling. It just seemed like I was most of the time. My cell phone rang when I was about half an hour outside of Tampa. I picked it up, checking the caller ID before answering. It came across as unavailable, but I answered anyway. "Hello?" I asked. "Hey, love," Kevin's voice greeted me. "Kevin? What're you doin' calling me?" "What's the point of makin' some money if I can't blow five bucks a minute on an airphone?" he joked. I smiled. "Well, glad to know I'm worth some cash to ya, baby," I joked back. "All I have, D, you know that," his voice was suddenly serious. "I just wanted to call and tell you I love you. And that I'm sorry that we didn't get more time together before I left. I know you're under a lot of strain right now, and I wish I didn't have to be gone for it." "Yeah, well, that's the way it is, I guess. Life doesn't always let us do what we wanna do," I replied. I tried to keep it light, but I know some bitterness bled into my tone. "I know, Dylan, but that doesn't make me feel any less hurt that I'm not around," he replied. I softened my tone then. "Kev, it's not your fault, ok? I knew what I was getting into when I started dating you. I knew what your lifestyle was, what your career was. And, for now, I'm not able to drop my career and traipse around the country with you," I paused. "The choices I made were the hard ones, but they were the right ones. For both of us." I heard him sigh. "I love you. You know that, right?" he asked. "Of course, Kev, and I love you, too," I replied. "Just make me a promise, ok?" "Anything." "Promise me that we talk at least once a day while you're gone. I don't care if you get home at 2:00 in the morning my time. Promise me that you'll call, no matter what," I said. My voice was getting a little choked up. "I promise, D," he replied. "Once a day, no matter what time or where, I'll call you. And, I'll leave my cell phone on, so you can get in touch any time you need to. Even when I'm in the studio, it'll be on and in reach of someone who can answer." "Thanks, Kev," I whispered back. "I better let you go now. Lord knows, you're enough of a maniac on the freeways without holding a phone conversation," he joked. He knew me so well. "Yeah, true. People are starting to dig for their pistols out here," I said. His voice softened again. "I love you, D," he said. "I love you, too, Kevy," I replied. "Call me when you get in tonight, ok?" "Promise," he swore. We hung up, and I continued my power-driving down to Tampa. I got home about 45 minutes later. I parked the car in the garage and made a direct line to my bedroom. I stripped down and collapsed there, pulling my covers up over my head and moving towards sleep. The last thing I did before I drifted off was to grab the cordless and pull it to my pillow. I wanted to hear when Kev called. The first dream didn't wake me for over an hour. And I didn't sleep the rest of the night after that. "Lindsay, this is already driving me nuts," I told her as we sat down at the caf‚. She'd driven down to have lunch with me today. Since it was Friday, I had more time to spare. "I know, Dylan. Why don't you come over and stay at my place for the weekend?" she offered. "You can keep Joey entertained, and you and I can cruise down the coast tomorrow. I'm off work until Sunday night." I thought about her offer for a moment. It sounded really good. Without Kevin and the guys, I was starting to starve for some basic human companionship. I'd gotten used to having a lot of people coming and going. "Sure, Linds," I answered. "That sounds pretty nice, actually." "Cool. Why don't you go home after work, grab a bag with some beach gear and stuff, and head over to my place after that?" "That works for me. I should be able to make it by 7:30," I said. "Have you and Kevin been able to keep in touch?" she asked. "Yeah, we have," I told her. I smiled a little. "He's called every night since they got out there. The work's going good, and, so far, they're managing to keep things on schedule." "Do you guys get to talk much?" she wondered. "Not as much as if he were lying in bed next to me," I smiled, "but enough to get by. For a little while, anyway." "That's good. I know how hard it is for you when he leaves," she replied. I sighed. "That's definitely the truth. The bad thing now is that all of the guys have basically become my circle of friends. I can't turn to one of the others to hang out if the group is gone, because then they're all gone. And with you working extra shifts the last few weeks to make some cash, it leaves me with a lot of free time," I said, whining a little. "I know, Dylan, and I do feel bad. I'm just trying to get some money put aside. Things have been so up-and-down lately that I'm not comfortable without having some kind of nest egg." "I understand. I wasn't tryin' to make you feel bad. It's just, between Stan Reilly, Michael, this HIV thing, and now Kevin being gone...I'm just feeling a little buried at the moment." "You need a vacation," she said. "A REAL vacation, not a working one like you had back in May with the guys." "I couldn't agree more. Any suggestions on how to pull that off?" "No, but I'll see what I can come up with for ya," she smiled. I just nodded and smiled back. The rest of our lunch was filled with the usual pleasant chitchat. Lindsay was great at distracting me from my worries. And that was exactly what I needed then. Chapter 78 I woke up the following Monday feeling refreshed for the first time since Kevin had left. Lindsay's idea about hanging with her and Joey for the weekend was exactly what I'd needed. For the short term, at least. The dreams were still there, but, for the last two nights, they hadn't been as prevalent. I'd managed to get most of a night's sleep both nights. I'd come home last night. Lindsay had to work, and I didn't feel like staying at her place without her around. Joey was good company, but I was ready to try my own bed again. Besides, I liked the privacy when Kevin called. So far, he'd lived up to his word. We'd talked every night. Saturday night had been pretty brief. He and the guys were heading out to do a little cuttin' up in LA, and he couldn't talk long. But, it'd been long enough to tell me he loved me and missed me. That was enough for me. I stretched and hopped out of bed. Today was the day I'd get my HIV results back. I was scared to death of the possibility, but I knew that I needed to know. At least if I knew, I could start doing something about it. The waiting was making me crazy. I grabbed a quick shower. I was anxious to get to the hospital before Lindsay ended her shift. If possible, I wanted her there when I got my test results. I pulled into the parking lot at the hospital ten minutes before her shift was due to end. I zipped inside and headed for the nurses' station where she normally worked. She smiled when she saw me coming down the hall. "Hey, I was afraid you might be late," she said. "Too nervous," I said, the weak smile on my face belying my nervous state. "Well, I can duck out a few minutes early, and we'll head up and check your results," she smiled in sympathy. She let the other duty nurse know that she was leaving. We were on our way upstairs a few minutes later. I wanted to hold her hand in a bad way, but I wasn't sure it would be appropriate at the moment. I grabbed a chair while Lindsay took my paperwork and retrieved my test results. When she came back, she led me into a private room off the corridor. "Sit down, DJ, and we'll see what's what," she said. I grabbed a chair with her sitting across from me. She opened the folder and scanned the sheets in front of her. She scowled a moment, then flipped a page. My heart plummeted. Then she smiled. "You're clean," she said. The breath I released almost blew out the small window in the corner. I thought my heart was going to explode for a minute. I was beyond relieved. God was definitely smiling down on me from wherever he liked to hang out on Monday mornings. Lindsay came over and pulled me into a hug. Oh, it felt so good to know for sure. To know that I hadn't endangered Kevin, that I wasn't going to get sick. That neither of us would have to watch the other fade away. I immediately pulled out my cell phone and dialed Kevin's cell number. I'd promised that I'd call as soon as I found anything out. Strangely enough, he didn't answer his phone. I guess he'd forgotten to leave it on. Or maybe he forgot to recharge it. I didn't have his hotel phone number with me, so I put in a call to information and had the operator connect me. I got the desk clerk and made short work of getting connected to Kevin's room. "Hello?" a female voice answered. A sleepy female voice. I hesitated, not sure I had the right room. "Yeah, is...um...Kevin there?" I asked, unsure. "He's here but he's sleeping right now. Can I take a message?" the woman asked me. "No," I said. My voice cracked. I tried again. "No message." I immediately hung up. I sat there, staring off at nothing for a moment. There was a woman in Kevin's room. They were three hours behind us in time zones. What was a woman doing in his room at that hour? And sleeping? "Dylan?" Lindsay's voice snapped me away from my speculation. "What's wrong?" "Nothing. Just..." I drifted off, losing my focus again. "Just what?" Lindsay brought me back again. "A woman answered. And she sounded like she just woke up. And Kevin," I paused. "Kevin was sleeping when she answered." I looked up at her. "There's only one bed in his room, Lindsay. He complained to me about it last week because he likes using the other one to spread his papers and junk out on." "Dylan, I'm sure there's an explanation..." she trailed off. She obviously couldn't think of one. "I'm sure there is, too. I'm just not really sure that I'm gonna like what it is," I whispered. To be continued... ------------------ Did Kevin hop in the sack with a CHICK?!?!?! Stay tuned for our next exciting episode!!! Hehehehe...I'm such a bitch, ain't I? Anyway, shouldn't be more than a few days on the next posting. I finally got my stuff from Denver, so I'm slowly unpacking everything, trying to figure out where the hell to put all this crap. NOTE: new e-mail address -- djs-tale@cfl.rr.com