From Now to Forever
This story is pure fiction. I don't know any of the guys from `N Sync and the Backstreet Boys and my writings should in no way imply anything about their sexuality. Please do not post this story with out first receiving my permission.
If you are under 18 (or 21 depending on local laws) please discontinue to read. If you are offended by male/male concepts that are not always Disney Channel rated, pleaase refrain from continuing to read this.
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"Nick, don't you get it? How often do we to tell ya? You agree with us and don't ask any question at all. It's enough that we've got to tour with them and go in the meeting tomorrow. We don't need YOU to make us all look stupid. So tomorrow you just keep your mouth shut. God, I just hope he understands it this time." Muttering the last sentence under his breath, it was still loud enough for Nick to hear.
"Good night, Nick," Kevin said while he opened the door to his hotel room. "Remember what I told ya!" With that he closed the door and left a broken Nick back in the hallway. Nick just wanted this tour to be the best ever. His brother would join them later on and his best friends -- NSYNC -- would be around all the time. He did not want them to think he was stupid -- he just never took part in planning a tour before and so did not understand most things. A lone tear threatened to fall down his face but he angrily brushed it away. He did not want to be the cry-baby. While he still thought about today's meeting and tomorrow he did not notice someone sneaking up to him. He only noticed the hands, when they already covered his eyes.
"And who do I find here -- alone in the hallway, when he could be spending the WHOLE evening with me?"
"JC," Nick exclaimed and started to smile. JC softly turned him around and saw the unshed tears.
"Come 'ere," JC whispered and took Nick in his arms. He never said a word about the tears, knowing Nick and how much he hated even mentioning it.
"So what do you wanna do? Already had dinner?" JC whispered in Nick's ear. He stepped back a bit and saw a smile on Nick's face.
"I'm starving. Going out or staying in?"
"In. I don't wanna deal with fans and the press right now. You still rooming with Brian?" Nick shook his head and JC saw the fear and loneliness in his eyes. Thinking back Nick shuddered at the memory a night before when Brian told him in front of everyone that they won't room together and he should grow up.
"We'll all be on one floor. Backstreets on the one side, NSYNC on the other and the rooms in between have been set up as 'getting to know' -- rooms as our managers call them," Kevin started to explain on the way from the airport to the hotel. Everyone was tired but they knew these information was important so everything would go all right in the hotel from the beginning. "We have the rooms 1507 through 1511. Okay, listen up. I'm in 1507, Brian's in 1508, AJ in 1509, Howie's in 1510 and Nick you've 1511. We'll meet in room 1512 to have breakfast tomorrow at . Nick, got it? Nick? NICK!" But Nick was far away with his thoughts. Kevin said he had his own room. But he always roomed with Brian. He was afraid of sleeping alone, had always been and the last years not really made it better. Hearing Kevin scream at him, he looked up startled.
"Huh ?," was the first thing he could think of to say. "Why am I rooming alone," the next.
"Look, Nick," Brian said. "You're 18 now. Don't you think you should start to grow up. You don't need me to hold your hands through night anymore, at least you shouldn't. It's not normal and for once I want to have a room of my own. And in a few days LeighAnn is coming up and I wanna have some time alone for us. You can't stay a baby forever. Everyone's to grow up sometime."
"Brian, please, just until LeighAnn comes up," Nick started to begging. "I won't bother you. I just wanna stay with you for a few more days. Please!" Nick couldn't believe it. It went so well for the last few months, he would room with Brian and there wouldn't be any nightmares and no panic attacks.
"Yeah, Brian, let the baby stay with you. You can already practise, does he still need diapers or has he already been potty trained?" AJ teased Nick.
" AJ, stop. Nick it isn't up for discussions. You're going to room on your own. When you can't sleep in the dark, leave the light on. Brian's right, you can't stay a kid forever. Now stop this nonsense, we're at the hotel." Nonsense, Nick thought, remembering the last few nightmares that wouldn't allow him to sleep for days afterwards. Sighing, he grabbed his back and moved to the door.
"Oh, yeah, we're gonna have a slumber party in your room," Josh said screamed, jumping up and down like an excited child, while Nick couldn't help but smile at his antics.
"I don't know, it's not clean. Everything's lying around." JC looked down at Nick's eyes and saw the worry but also saw how much Nick wanted them to be together.
"Don't worry, it can't be worse than Justin's. I nearly broke my leg, last time I had to wake him up." Nick just had to smile at that. He remembered Justin's room from the last time he visited him. It took them a half an hour to move so much from the floor so that they could play with the playstation.
"Nah, it's not that bad. I was late that morning and left everything lying around. It's just gonna take me a minute or so to clean up." "Brian always got angry at my things lying around", Nick thought. "He shouted at me every time I left something on the floor. But I guess that's in the past now too." Nick joined JC who had already walked a view steps.
"What you wanna eat, Nick?" JC asked softly after they had entered his room. Looking around he hardly noticed something lying around. A few clothes pieces on the bed, but that was it. Nick blushed when he saw JC giving his room a look over. "It's not bad at all, Nick. Even my room looks worse and they always say I'm a neat freak. How about Pizza?" Nick nodded enthusiastically.
"Can we watch a movie later?" He asked carefully not wanting to press JC in doing more with him than possible.
"Sure, let me call for the Pizza first. We can look for a movie than." Placing the order, he said his room number without much thinking. Realising it, he sighed. Nick looked up worried.
"We're still having dinner and watching the movie?"
"Of course. I just realised I told my room number. I guess I just have to get it from there then. So what movies do they have?" While JC had called room service, Nick had started to move the clothes from his bed into a suitcase. Flopping down on the bed, JC felt something hard underneath. Moving under the blanket he pulled out a book -- looking like a journal maybe.
"Give that to me," said Nick immediately and lunged for the book. When he had it in his hands, he carefully looked it over and put it in his suitcase. He saw that JC had not moved an inch but was looking at him startled and a bit curious. "Sorry," he muttered. Looking at JC he knew he had overreacted and should explain himself. "It's my, my d...," he stuttered, unable to say the word for fear of being laughed at.
"It's your journal, isn't it?" JC asked softly. "Don't worry. Nothing's gonna happen. Mine's just as valuable for me." He knew how he hated it when someone even only looked at it from far away and he nearly bit Joey's head off, when he touched it once.
"I can write everything in it. No-one's there to judge it or laugh. I can paint and no matter how bad it is, it's not gonna tell. I've got lots of doodling in there. Maybe one day I'll show you some." Nick felt that he could trust him -- he never felt like this before. "What are we gonna watch," he changed the subject before JC's could even reply to the things said before.
"Do you want to see what's on TV or move right on to a movie?" JC sensed that Nick did not want the topic of his journal to be dwelled on anymore. He did notice that Nick seemed to trust him enough to even think about showing parts of it to him. "It's like revealing you deepest dreams, thoughts and emotions, it's the ultimate proof of trust someone can show." Josh thought, while flipping through the different TV stations. Suddenly he saw the ad for a movie starting in twenty minutes. It was like his favourite movie and even though it was not what he had in mind for the evening, he had to watch the ad.
"Do you know this movie," Nick asked. He never even heard of this movie and the preview made him interested. While he did not exactly understand what it was all about, it seemed like a nice one.
"It's like my
favourite movie, it's from
"Maybe that's exactly what we should watch then. What's it about?"
" Ahm, Nick, I'm not so sure about. It's a bit different from what I thought we would watch. I'm not sure it's the best for today." JC replied, not sure if it was alright with Nick watching a gay movie. On the one hand JC hoped it would be alright and he, gay himself, could come out to him, on the other hand he was afraid how Nick would react to it all. He knew that before they could even talk about watching it, he should tell Nick what it is all about. Praying that Nick would understand and not flip out, he continued.
"It's not that
I don't want you to see the movie, Nick. It's just a different movie. It's
"Let's look for another movie, should we," JC suggested.
"No, it's alright. So that's really a gay movie, then? I never watched one of these. What's it like? Do you see them have sex all the time? Do they kiss? Are they gonna die." Nick rattled of one question after another until JC put his hand over his mouth.
"Now Nick, don't let your view of homosexuality influence you on what you think about the movie," JC scolded Nick but he did it in a way Nick could not help but smile about it. Then he remembered what Josh said about this being his favourite movie.
"JC, can I, I mean you don't have to answer this, alright, but why this movie?" While Nick wanted to know why it was his favourite movie, he was also afraid to ask, afraid JC would just brush him off and then leave.
"You want to know why it is one of my favourite. It's a long story. How about I promise to tell you after we watched it? Would it be alright for you?" JC hoped that he would be ready to hear the truth then. He was afraid of loosing his best friend out of the close knit group he was in. Thinking back he remembered what it was like when he saw the movie for the first time. It was a couple of days after he came out to his band members and Joey thought it would do them good to watch it all together. He went and got a couple of gay movies and it was just the way the two boys were portrayed, JC could identify himself so much with the struggle they had to go through.
Nick was grateful that JC did not outright tell him to mind his own business and might even tell him the story. Since the movie was about to start and they still had to get their Pizza, Nick tried to get JC's attention.
"JC!" He called but there was no reaction. "JC!" He called once more, a bit louder this time. No reaction at all. "That's what you get for being a noisy little shit," Nick thought and then called out to him once more: "JOSH!" in the same moment he noticed what he had done.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry!" He moved a couple of steps back, scared JC would lash out at him.
"Huh?" Finally JC came back but he had no clue as to why Nick should say sorry. Looking at Nick he waited for an answer, hoping that he did not do anything wrong by asking him to wait for an explanation until later.
"I called you Josh, I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Nick was looking down with tears in his eyes.
"Nick, don't worry. C'mon, look at me." JC moved closer and put his hand under Nick's chin forcing him to look at JC. Seeing the tears in Nick's eyes, he got sad himself. Once more it became so clear to him, how Nick's self confidence had suffered in the last few years. "Nick, Nick, Nick," he said and embraced Nick. "There's nothing wrong with you calling me Josh. You are one of my best friends and I'd be really happy if you would call me just that. Promise me, will you. From now on you call me Josh, alright!" Nick nodded, put his arms around Josh and laid his head on Josh's shoulder.
"Thanks," he whispered and thought about how comfortable and pleasant Josh felt. After a while Josh began to loosen his grip.
"Okay, now, I'm gonna get our Pizza and then we will watch this movie. How about you get us something to drink?" Josh suggested and was already moving across the room, towards the door.
To be continued ...